Part Thirty Six   "All sins forgiven?"

 

 
Sunday 22nd February
 

Tammy was introduced to her driving instructor just before nine o'clock.

"I'm Linda Young, I understand you'd like to take your test at Easter?"

"Yes, it would make life easier for me."

"What driving have you done so far?"

"My father's taken me into town a few times, plus around the estate next door."

"Okay, we're going to drive over to Wick and back, get yourself comfortable and set off when you're ready."

Tammy was familiar with the run into town and, as it was Sunday, it was quiet. She turned left at the traffic lights on Olrig Street and headed for Wick.

This first lesson was mostly about getting comfortable and for the instructor to make an initial assessment. The verdict didn't take long.

"Well done, but you must use the mirrors more, be aware what's going on around you. You can also put your foot down a little more on the open road, but watch your speed through the town. Now, you're a little tense, don't you trust yourself?"

"I've had a lousy weekend."

"Hormones?"

"Yeah, I think."

"Get over it, don't bring pity or anger into driving as it can only end messy for everyone; please wait until you get home before throwing your toys around. Let's go around the one-way system one more time then drive back to Thurso."

They were back with five minutes to spare. Linda went over a few of Tammy's faults.

"Do you have a copy of the Highway Code?"

"Yes."

"Good, have you decided on a car of your own? If you pass your test, that is?"

"I have one already. Come around the back and take a look."

The smile on Linda Young's face was worth it when she saw the Mini Cooper. "That will get you into trouble, naughty girl."

"Same time next week?"

"Sure, bye."

Tammy was upbeat when she went indoors, intent on clearing a backlog of homework. She didn't even mind that two thousand word essay on financial controls.

 
Tuesday 24th February
 

"Come in Tammy, how have you been?"

"Hi Adi, not brilliant, I think I overdid it."

"I did warn you. Are you back at school?"

"Yes, I've done two days now."

"How's that been?"

"Easier than being at home!"

"Okay, your latest bloods show that you're over the infection. When are you finishing the antibiotics?"

"They run out on Friday."

"Fine, finish the course but I won't write you a new prescription. It also showed that your hormones were getting back towards normal."

"They didn't feel like normal over the weekend."

"Were you ratty, emotional, looking for trouble?"

"Yes."

"Normal then."

"Normal?"

"Yes, hop on the scales please."

Five minutes later Tammy was back out of the surgery, with a promise to return the following week. She'd taken the school bus into town for her appointment but now needed transport. First though she needed to give an apology.

"I'm sorry Sarah."

"I should think so."

"It won't happen again."

"Don't go making promises you can't keep, Miss Smart!"

"Ouch."

"Come on Tammy, I'm worried. You haven't been well for over a month now, probably longer. You're not going to get one hundred percent fit unless you ease up. I don't want to see you next Saturday, do the rehearsal and get home. That's an order."

"Yes, boss. Thing is, after Easter I don't be able to do much because of my exams, and I won't be here in the summer for a month or so."

"Will I have outlived my usefulness as your school project, perhaps?"

"That's cruel, it's just that there's so much else going on in my life right now."

"Isn't that part of the problem?"

"Having a life?"

"Don't be sarcastic, Tammy."

"I'm trying to be a normal teenage girl, except no-one's given me an instruction manual."

"There isn't a manual, you learn it as you're going along. Has anyone told you that you're getting it wrong?"

"No."

"So you're doing fine. Don't even try to use the argument that you don't know something; no girl knows everything there is to know about girlhood, most make it up as they go along if they don't know - but you didn't hear it from me."

"I would have throught you had sat down with Emily and passed the knowledge on!"

"If I'd have tried that she wouldn't have listened! It's process of osmosis not structured learning. Let's give you an example, how many girls you know have ever been involved in a fashion show?"

"None?"

"Apart from yourself, yes. But none would admit zero knowledge, they would know little bits, read in magazines or seen on the telly, and would make sure you knew that."

"So not to look like an idiot?"

"No, to be involved, included. Anyway, do you want to know what Penny said?"

"Of course."

"Go put the kettle on, I'm parched, or would you rather have a glass of wine?"

"I haven't had a glass for weeks."

"That's sorted then, give me a moment to close up then we'll go to the hotel. My car's in the garage for the annual service plus MOT and I said I'd collect it tomorrow, so I can have a glass as well."

 
Friday 27th February
 

"How's school?"

"I should be there at the moment, Jill."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You're battling, fighting everything. A simple question was thrown back at me as if it was an insult."

"I'm sorry."

"Tammy, you need to calm down and think before you speak."

"I suppose so."

"It's not good for your blood pressure, which was up on Tuesday," Jill pointed at the screen, "and high blood pressure has implications."

"What could you do?"

"I could prescribe something to reduce your blood pressure, but that might change the way your HRT works. I could also prescribe happy pills, anti depressants, but that's overkill for what is mostly an attitude problem."

"Attitude problem?"

"Yes."

"Is that all?"

"Of course not, but there are some things you can change in your life to make things easier, or at least make it easier to cope with the really stressful parts of your life."

"Such as?"

"Keep alcohol to a minimum, or cut it out completely. How much do you drink?"

"I had two glasses of wine this week, the first for three or four weeks."

"Do you smoke?"

"No!"

"There we go, over-reacting. I knew you didn't smoke, but posed the question and you jumped on me."

"Sorry."

"You've got to accept that not everyone out there is out to get you, you don't need to be on the offensive all the time. Do you act that way in school?"

"No, but I've been conditioned after so many years, haven't I?"

"I wouldn't call it conditioning, but you know what is acceptable behaviour in the classroom, don't you?"

"Yes, that's a better way of putting it."

"So, how's school?"

"Busy, we only have a few weeks to finish off projects and outstanding coursework."

"Are you coping?"

"Yes, in many ways school is the easiest aspect of my life."

"Because it's regulated?"

"Because it's predictable."

"Any problems?"

"I was an agony aunt on Wednesday morning."

"That's interesting, you took on someone else's problem?"

"Two people's problems."

"That's not double trouble, it's on a logarithmic scale. You are barely coping with your own issues so how can you handle someone else's? I guess one is a friend?"

"One's a former room mate at the school, I've known him for seven years, the other is his fiancée who is my co-star."

"I hope you're not taking sides?"

"How could I?"

"Exactly. Look, if they want their relationship to self-destruct, let them. At least they won't take you down with them."

"I'm going to offer them the flat above Sarah's shop for when John leaves school."

"Are you a complete idiot?"

"I hope not."

"Tammy, you won't get a moment's rest. Don't let them know you own the flat."

"They know I own the shop, Tanya was with me when I had a call to take my keys to the Police."

"Who called you?"

"I can't say, Jill."

"Or why your phone was working in the first place, when everyone else's wasn't."

"Correct."

"You're mixing with some very shady people and I guess you can't tell me anything?"

"No, I signed the Official Secrets Act at the weekend."

"So where are your priorities?"

"To finish school and start my degree."

"What about GRS?"

"I haven't decided."

"What if you could have it this summer?"

"That would be under a year, so wouldn't be allowed."

"What if an exception was made?"

"I'll be in Cornwall."

"Why?"

"I've been offered a work experience placement."

"You'd rather do that than complete your transition?"

"I didn't know I could beat the system."

"Didn't ask, more likely. You assumed."

"No, I did some research. Are you telling me it could have been done this summer?"

"No, but you'd need the summer break for recovery time, none of the other school holidays are long enough."

"So if I'd have asked, the answer would have been the same?"

"Yes, but at least you'd have asked plus I can note that you asked."

"Jill, is that the most important bit, if my records show that I asked?"

"So far as the system is concerned, yes, but that's not how I look at it. My job is to determine if you're mentally fit to deal with whatever arises, in conjunction with colleagues and other agencies. I'll make notes which colleagues can use in their own evaluations. However, none of these notes are worthwhile if we don't talk, and that includes you asking me questions."

"So your questions to me are to determine how I am?"

"Yes, the actual answer is sometimes less important than how you give the answer."

"So if I'm a queen bitch, my words are devalued?"

"Potentially, your highness!"

"Touché."

"What about the surgery, any regrets?"

"None, but there was a little irony, wasn't there?"

"You might see it as ironic, and yes I've read the clinical notes, but I did not want you to be sat here, screaming at me that you didn't really want it done. With a non-reversible procedure you don't take the first answer, or the second, or the third."

"I'm beginning to see it."

"Good, how's the family?"

"They're fine, we had some good news from my mother."

"Your natural mother?"

"Yes, Joan is 'mum'."

"What was the news?"

"She reported off bail on Monday and they offered her a deal, if she pleads guilty to a few minor offences she'll be through court in about a month and can get on with her life."

"That sounds good, is there a catch?"

"It's never that straightforward with courts so until the case is finished we can't be certain."

"Have you spoken to her recently?"

"No, not since she went back to London. Dad's spoken to her but we don't have her number, we have to wait for her call. It's part of the security measures."

"What about the others?"

"The terrorists?" Jill nodded. "Their court date is later in the year, I bet they won't be keen on seeing mother get off."

"What about your local difficulties?"

"Those should be resolved soon, about three weeks I think."

"Will you have to appear in court?"

"I hope not."

"Can I see you next Friday morning?"

"I have a school visit next Friday."

"Okay, two weeks then. Have you heard from Professor Roberts?"

"I had a letter last week, I'll see him during the Easter break."

"Good. Our time's up, I'll see you in a fortnight. Bye, Tammy."

"Bye."

Of course Tammy had failed to mention the fashion show, which would now occupy much of Friday as well as Saturday next week. She walked out into the winter sunshine after speaking to the reception clerk. It was nine thirty and she should be at school but was lacking transport again. Looking around the carpark she couldn't see her father.

She took her phone out of her bag but before she could do anything, sirens started up directly behind her as ambulance crews started leaving, nurses alongside paramedics. Jill came running out.

"What's up?"

"Radiation leak, major incident." She shouted over the cacophony around them, then got into her car and drove off.

Her phone was now ringing.

"Where are you?"

"At the hospital, there's a major emergency somewhere, radiation leak."

"I can't get out of the drive, the road's been closed so I guess the problem is at Dounreay?"

"How am I going to get up to the school then?"

"Taxi?"

"Dad, that's not funny."

"Sorry, but I was being serious. Work something out, I'll ring the school and let them know the problem."

"Okay, bye."

She reluctantly started walking towards the road.

"Tammy?"

She spun around, Helen Yates was walking over.

"Hi."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm trying to get to school but Dad's stuck at home unable to get onto the road."

"No car of your own?"

"Yes, but no licence before Easter."

"Oh dear. I can't help you with a lift but I wanted to let you know that James and Becky are still here, Sally has had to go back to work though."

"Thanks for that, James said he was leaving on Sunday and I hadn't heard anything since."

"Well, Sally left as planned and flew from Wick on Sunday morning. James brought Becky to the airport so she could see her mum off but somehow got hold of James' phone and it was last seen going down a drain outside the terminal building. You wouldn't have thought a sickly child would be capable of anything."

"No, I don't suppose a replacement phone has arrived yet?"

"Apparently the phone company wanted a signed statement by the person who last had it and wouldn't accept that it was a two year old, it's going to be delivered tomorrow, they say."

"Typical, where was the call-centre?"

"Dundee."

"You'd have expected better then!"

"Quite. He's obviously lost your number and I guess you already know I'm not keen on my home number going out."

Tammy dug into her bag and pulled out two business cards.

"I only need one."

"The second is in case Becky destroys the first."

"Understood. Can you write your home number on one of them?"

Tammy obliged. A minibus slowed down and stopped next to her.

"Miss Smart, are you going to school?"

"Yes, thanks, my lift couldn't get down here."

"I've just finished the deliveries so it's a direct run back to the school from here, hop in."

Tammy waved to Helen and joined the school messenger up front in the minibus, he set off almost immediately.

"Do you come past here every day?"

"Most days, there's a van round the back of the hospital that does coffee and hot rolls, so I use it once I've completed the drops and most of the pickups."

"I won't tell."

"Good, that saves me from digging one extra hole!"

Tammy squealed and laughed. She'd known the school messenger for five or more years and thankfully knew his sense of humour too,

When she reached school she'd only missed first period so was able to go to business studies after dropping her coat and changing her shoes. A visit to the ladies loo was also required.

The day, like the rest of that week, passed without incident, without a real one. She had a text from her father mid morning, telling her off for not confirming she was back at school and informing her that the nuclear incident was an exercise. That still didn't explain why a psychologist had to go there?

There was a note in Tammy's pigeon-hole from the head of physics at the end of the week. This confirmed her place on the visit to the Vulcan Naval Reactor Test Establishment the following Friday with a query how she managed to be approved without going through the normal vetting routine. Tammy decided to ignore the question until it was asked to her face.

As she joined the minibus for a ride home, she caught sight of John Hibbert behind her, holding a weekend bag.

"All sins forgiven?"

"Mostly."