Part Thirty Five   "She's Lost Control"

 

 
Saturday 21st February
 

"I don't want to go."

"Angela, you're needed."

"No, I'm not. I don't feel well. Someone else can do it."

"It's Josie isn't it?"

"No."

"Look, you can help Sarah at the shop then, but I need to leave soon after eight thirty and you're not showered."

"Because I didn't need to be at the theatre before ten."

"Ah! So you were going. It is Josie."

Quietly. "Yes."

"Get over it."

"Hah! So says the expert on relationships."

"Whatever, I'm going downstairs."

Tammy went to find a coffee, she found Leanne in the kitchen.

"Hello Miss Smart."

"Leanne, you can still call me Tammy."

"It's not right, I promised my sister I'd respect you."

"Fine, could I have a coffee?"

"I'm sorry Miss, would you mind doing it yourself so I can do the laundry, I was just going to the scullery."

"I don't mind at all."

"Thank you Miss. Oh, I was disrespectful. I'm so sorry. I'll make you your drink and bring it to you, my apologies Miss."

"Leanne, calm down. I said it was alright and I really don't mind making it."

"I'm sorry Miss."

"Leanne, go to the laundry, I'm sure that's more important than a hot drink for me."

"Thank you Miss, it won't happen again."

"Fine."

Tammy walked into the study with her coffee, her father was looking at faxes that had arrived since the previous afternoon. Many had been forwarded by his solicitor but at least one was a direct fax.

"What do they want, Dad?"

"Interviews, exclusives, photos, the usual."

"What are they offering?"

"Pardon?"

"What are they offering?"

"Are you seriously going to do this?"

"How long will it take for them to give up and go away?"

"Another week or so, until the next time."

"So, let's do a deal with one of them for an exclusive. There has to be a fee, it can be paid to the theatre trust to develop junior theatre, or something like that."

"Why?"

"To manage my press image. I have one, undoubtedly, and it won't be long before the inquest judgement is published, as well as a number of trials where my name will be raised."

"I'm concerned, Tammy."

"Then why don't we talk to an agent, or someone who can write the article for us who already deals with the media. If we change our mind then it doesn't go any further."

"So we get the veto?"

"Yes Dad, it's done under our terms, plus I can run it past a few people first."

"We can't use any of the London-based agencies as I'd want to meet the person."

"I have an idea, James Yates is a writer, he'd be able to do it. They'll be staying with Helen Yates, I think she lives in Wick."

"See if you can get hold of him then, shame you didn't take his mobile number?"

"It wasn't needed then."

Tammy searched but couldn't find Helen's number. She called Jill's mobile.

"What's up Tammy?"

"I want Helen Yates home number."

"I can't give that out."

"But you have it?"

"Did I say that?"

"Look, her brother James is staying with her and I want to talk to him, not Helen. I met James and Sally yesterday but didn't take his number."

"Okay, I'll call and ask if he can call your mobile, if he's willing. Can I say why?"

"I'd like to talk to him about writing an article."

"I'm sensing trouble, Tammy, do you want to tell me?"

"At our next appointment, if you wish."

"There'll be one in the post on Monday."

"Great," she said sarcastically, "can you phone Helen please? I need to get down town sometime this month?"

"Now, now, don't be disrespectful."

"You're only the third so far today."

"It looks like we need to put anger and disrespect on the agenda at our next appointment, I'll book a double slot."

Tammy killed the call, she was liable to say something regretful otherwise.

"Tammy, what's going on and who are the other two?"

She'd forgotten that her father was still sat there. "Oh, sorry Dad, I think everything's getting on top of me."

"Then don't go to the theatre, or to Sarah's."

"I need to, I promised."

"Then un-promise. Who are the other two, am I included?"

"No, Angela and Leanne."

"Tell."

Tammy re-iterated her earlier conversations and was chastised for asking for a coffee.

"So it was my fault?"

"Yes, you put her in an impossible situation, she was wrong whichever way."

"I didn't say she was in the wrong?"

"Maybe not, but that's how she saw it. Julie has told her sister that respect matters, but you were disrespectful to Leanne, and Angela for that matter."

Tammy stared at her father before starting to cry. Her mobile chose that moment to ring, an unknown mobile number was showing but a few seconds later the name 'J. Yates' 'Wick, Scotland' came up next to the number. She dried her eyes and answered the call.

"Hello James."

"Good morning Tammy, how did you know it was me?"

"Oh, ummm, I guessed."

"Lucky guess then, what can I do for you?"

Tammy explained what was needed, it seemed James had indeed done some agency work in the past that included magazine articles before getting a break for documentary work.

"So you'll do it?"

"Yes, but we head South on Sunday morning, so there's only today."

"Damn, I'm at the theatre, and I wanted to meet John's parents today. Hold on a minute."

She muted the call.

"Dad, could we have James, Sally and Becky up here for dinner this evening?"

"We have an invite to join Elsie tonight so I'd have to check first."

She un-muted the call.

"James, would you be able to get over here for four, then stay for dinner?"

"So long as we can leave by eight."

"Does Becky need a high-chair?"

"No, but we'll bring a booster cushion."

"Great, we'll see you at four."

"Hold on, where are you?"

"Sorry, the postcode is KW14 7WZ."

"What number?"

"We're the only property with that postcode, the house name is 'Dunbankin'."

James chuckled. "Okay, four o'clock. Beware the urchin and put away anything valuable, or at least out of reach!"

"Thanks James. Bye."

Tammy had a smug smile when she finished her call. "They must have upgraded my phone to do more than I thought."

"I don't know what you arranged but that could be hard to explain away."

"I know, I'll have to work on that."

"You'll have to work on Elsie as well, seeing as you have just invited a family to dinner who she doesn't know."

"I have to go into town, can you take me?"

"Once you've called Elsie and taken responsibility for this mess, or are you too frightened?"

"I AM NOT A COWARD!" She burst into tears. "I'm - sorry - Dad."

"I'll leave you to sort yourself out, and call James back to cancel if necessary." He left the room.

Her coffee was now cool, almost cold, and it was half-past eight. She contemplated telling Sarah she wouldn't be there, but would end up having to explain herself, so left that for now. She dialled Elsie's number, it was engaged.

Tammy thought about calling somebody else, just for a chat, just to kill time, just to distract her, but that would only delay the inevitable. She dialled again.

"Hello?"

"Elsie, it's Tammy. Can I see you?" Elsie did not normally negotiate over the phone.

"I'm going into town, fix your face and be waiting outside in ten minutes, child."

How did she know?

"Yes Elsie, thank you."

She left the study and ran up to her room,straight into the bathroom. She needed a wee and a flood of cold water over her face, once she'd cleared the day's original warpaint off. Finally she applied a bare minimum, she could always do more in town.

leaving her room, with a minute to spare she met her father.

"Well?"

"Elsie's taking me into town, we'll talk on the way."

"Joan will take Angela to the theatre, unless your sister changes her mind again."

"Okay Dad, I'm sorry."

"You're taking tomorrow off, doing nothing and going nowhere. Understood?"

"Yes, Dad. Got to go."

***

Tammy climbed into the Range Rover but the driver, Jonathon, didn't set off.

"Now, Tammy, tell me what is going on."

Tammy started talking and let it all out, barely stopping to breath. Her eyes were red when she'd finished, having dabbed a tissue there so often.

"Now, child, my suggestion is that you cancel everything and just attend school like any normal sixth former who has imminent exams."

"I'm not a normal sixth former."

"Let me check, one head, two arms, two legs. Pretty normal to me."

"You know what I mean."

"Adversarial again, am I number four or five today?"

"Five, you spoke to Dad?"

"Yes, he's concerned."

"I guess so."

"That's not good enough, can't you see what's happening?"

"No."

"Then go back indoors and work it out. Call James and cancel."

"Yes Elsie."

Tammy climbed out and watched the car head out of the drive, towards Thurso.

She went up to her room and laid on her bed. She had no idea how long it was before her phone rang, it was James.

"Hello, I'm sorry James but ..."

"Hi Tammy, Becky's just thrown up and has a temperature, so we're going nowhere today. Sorry but I can't help you right now."

"Thanks anyway James, give my regards to Sally."

"I will, bye."

She sent Sarah a text apologising. A message also went to Tanya saying she wasn't well, then Tammy turned her phone off.

Her tablet pinged two minutes later, a message from Tanya was on the screen.

Turned your phone off, what's up girl? I guess it's not contagious?"

Tammy didn't want to reply, she didn't want to talk to anyone right now. A new message arrived.

I don't want John in your frock again

Then a message from Emily.

Mum's remembered she's measuring the cast this morning and needs your help there, what's up?

She looked at the clock, nine twenty.

The house phone rang, she waited for someone else to answer it. It continued to ring, then finally rang off. A few seconds later it rang again, and continued ringing. Tammy reluctantly reached over.

"Yes?"

"Tammy, what's up?"

"Hi Sandy, how did you know?"

"Because someone who cares called me, when you wouldn't do so yourself."

"I can't do it."

"Can't or won't?"

"You choose."

"I'm coming up there."

Tammy went to answer but the call had already ended. She put the phone down and went to her bathroom. She had at least ten minutes before Sandy arrived, but where was everyone else?"

Wandering downstairs, the study was locked, the lounge, dining room and kitchen were deserted. Looking out the back, Joan's car was missing but her father's was still present. Tammy's own car was almost sulking that it hadn't been out recently. There was a noise of gravel under tyre from the front.

Tammy went to the front door and waited for Sandy, who reluctantly turned off the engine and walked towards the girl. Tammy suggested they use the kitchen.

"Come on, what's up?"

"I can't do it."

"You were brilliant on Thursday, you know your Lady Macbeth part better than anyone and you're respected."

"I don't deserve that respect."

"Why?"

"I've been a right bitch again today, upsetting everyone. If I stay here I can't upset anyone."

"That's flawed logic."

"Maybe."

"It is, okay we'll cancel today's rehearsal but what do we tell everyone?"

"I don't know."

"How about, 'Tammy is wallowing in self-pity and wants to spoil the production'?"

"That's untrue."

"Maybe, but it suits me, just as your excuse suits you. What's really up?"

"The press are after me again, I have the security services talking to me, I'm not fully fit and my hormones are probably all over the place. How's that for starters?"

"Your hormones? Welcome to the club, women deal with that all the time. As for the spooks? I kinda guessed that one. What about the press want?"

"I thought it was about the bombing and me owning the building. I had my solicitor put out a statement last night."

"Had you thought about actually talking to them?"

"Some have been nasty to me in the past, but I was going to give them much more in a controlled way."

"Could it just have been that they saw you cut the ribbon and then be joint lead singer with the troupe?"

"Was Tanya questioned by the press?"

"No."

"So it wasn't the entertainment, they're fishing for more about the bomb and discovered that an eighteen year old transgendered student owned the place."

"Are you going to run away and hide?"

"From the press?"

"From everyone? That's what it looks like you're doing."

"I'm tired, can I just scrub today?"

"So that you can ruin everyone else's day?"

"Thanks for the guilt complex. I really am tired, worn out. I don't know if I will be at school on Monday."

"A few hours this morning won't do any harm, will it? It will certainly improve your mood. Once that's done, unless you have other transport arrangements I'll bring you home. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Come on, then."

***

By the end of the rehearsal Tammy's mood had certainly improved, she'd even laughed a few times. Tammy had also been nervous and had stumbled over a few lines, causing Iain to complain that, maybe, Tammy was human after all.

She gave John her apologies, she wouldn't be able meet his parents, but did ask him to email their contact details.

"Why?"

"Because I might be able to help them."

"Can't I just give them a message?"

"It's a surprise." She reached over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Okay then, if you put it like that."

Angela walked over, with Josie. Tammy decided it was safer not to say anything.

"You were right, Tammy."

"I was?"

"I was afraid. We're giving it another go."

Josie nodded.

"Dad's suggested Josie joins us for dinner tonight."

"It's at Elsie's."

"I know. Josie can stay the night."

Tammy decided she should not enter that discussion, Joan would have to decide what would happen. As it was, Joan and Richard arrived through the stage door.

"You made it then?"

"Derrrrr!"

"How are you feeling, dear?"

"Tired and ready to go home, Mum."

"Angela?"

"Mum, can I talk to you for a minute?" Joan moved away with Angela and Josie.

"Tammy, I'm going to the car, coming with me?" Richard had keys in his hand.

"Yes, Dad."

Outside Tammy found the Land Rover, they stood there waiting for Joan. "I thought you took Joan's car?"

"We did, we left you indoors to bring Angela down here before going to Tesco. How did you get here?"

"Sandy called me then came to the house to collect me, against my will."

"What's up with you today?"

"I don't know, it's just everything's against me again."

"I think you need to get back to school, so don't start asking for more time off."

"I want to go back, I need to."

"Remember this, you don't need to do anything; do it because you want to and not because someone tells you, within reason of course."

"So do I give things up?"

"Not unless you want to, but don't take on any new responsibilities, you won't have enough time or energy."

"I'm doing nothing tomorrow, nothing at all."

"You have a driving lesson at nine, sorry."

Joan was walking towards them, with Angela but without Josie. Together they went home for a late lunch.

Once fed Tammy went to her room where she found some mail that had been delivered whilst she was out. Apart from a bank statement, one envelope was postmarked Glasgow. Her father knocked on her door.

"How are you?"

"Fine, I have an appointment with Professor Roberts on the tenth of April, just before my exams."

"Okay, we'll work out the logistics nearer the time. What about James?"

"Becky's not well so we scrubbed it."

"Okay, why don't we just see if it dies down?"

"Yes, Dad."

"We'll head over to see Elsie about six, until then the time's your own."

"Thanks."

Once Richard headed out of her room, Tammy decided to listen to music. She grabbed a pair of headphones and flopped onto her bed before selecting an album, never an easy choice. She settled on Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures.

The track "She's Lost Control" had a particular resonance with this vulnerable teenager, although not as the writer Ian Curtis intended.
 
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"She's Lost Control" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/She%27s_Lost_Control