---

Chapter 6

Previously …

Walking down the hill, I soon found myself back on the seafront.

Sitting on a bench, facing the white beach and the blue sea, I rummaged through my bag and took out my small mirror, the one I used to do my makeup.

Staring at my face, I confirmed what I already knew from years of looking at it in the mirror.

Miss Stevens looked remarkably like me.

Unless I was very much mistaken, Miss Stevens was, in fact, Carol Young.

My mum.

And now the story continues…

I sat there for several minutes, my mind in a turmoil, going over again and again the few words that I had exchanged with my mum.

Yes, I was convinced that it was her. I was also convinced by her expression that she was frightened of something and I wondered what that was.

I would have been naive to expect her to recognise me after all those years even if I had been in boy mode. Dressed as I was, there would be little chance of her realising that I was her child.

Maybe I should have been more upset, but I wasn’t. I had found my mum and that to me was the most important thing. What was worrying me was, why did she look scared and why was she pretending to be someone that she wasn’t, if that made sense?

I considered the possibility of going back up to the cottage and confronting her, but I didn’t think that would be a good idea, as she may still want to reject me, for whatever reason. What was I to do then?

For far too long, I had had to make my own decisions and tried to be as independent as I could be and yes, obstinately ignoring all help offered to me and in some cases, for good reason. But that was in the past. Now that I was effectively trying to be my own girl, but I still needed help, no matter how adult I considered myself to be. I wanted advice from someone who I felt that I could trust and the only one I would consider would be Jocasta. I would ask her what she thought that I should do.

Without further thought, I got up from the cold bench and made my way back down to the village

The Vicarage was empty when I got back. I had been given a key the night before and had let myself in. On the kitchen table was a note from Jocasta.

The girls are with their ponies and I am in the church with David, if you need me.
Love
Jocasta

I wondered what to do and then decided to go and seek Jo out in the church, which was just a short walk across the churchyard.

The church was very old and the spire looked quite bent out of shape as it leaned alarmingly to the left as I looked at. But my thoughts were on more personal matters, rather than architecture as I walked into the church.

I wasn’t a very churchy person really, not being strongly religious. As far as I was concerned, God had done little for me and I although, when I was younger, I used to pray for my mum to come and get me, nothing ever came of it. That didn’t mean that I had no respect for those with strong religious beliefs; that was up to them, of course.

Mind you, as I walked into the church and saw the decorations, flowers and the lovely nativity display in front of me, I felt a strange warmth that I had never experienced before in a church. I saw a movement to the side of the nativity scene and noticed that there were two small lambs in a pen, on a bed of straw. A notice was on the side of the pen that said that they were orphans, born out of season and being hand fed.

I felt an ‘ah’ moment coming on, but with difficulty resisted the urge to get in their pen for a quick cuddle.

Most churches to me were large cold places, where it seemed that you should be overawed by their majesty and magnificence. This was the opposite, as the church felt homely and welcoming. It was warm and cosy, as the wall heaters were going at full blast. The organ was being played and I recognised the tune as being Hark! the Herald Angels Sing. Then I noticed that there were some girls and boys in the choir pews and they had started singing; it looked like choir practice as they were all in their normal clothes.

I noticed a few of my new friends in the choir, Sarah and Hannah and I sat at the back to listen to them. I giggled quietly behind my hand as I watched the choir master. He was trying to conduct the choir by moving his arms about in a seemingly random way and dancing some sort of jig at the same time.

Then I saw, over at the side, Jocasta talking to someone and I shivered slightly at recognising first the feathered hat, and then the face of the lady from the Roller that had nearly flattened me. She wasn’t very PC as she was wearing some sort of dead furry animal around her neck, probably a fox. So this was the famed Lady Fairbairn.

I felt a little sorry for Jocasta as Lady F was obviously berating her for some problem with a flower arrangement that was before them. There was no way that I was going to jump in and interrupt them...

I sensed someone come up to me.

‘Hello.’

I turned to the person, just as they sat down beside me. That was strange, there were pews aplenty that were free, why did she want to sit next to me?

‘Hi,’ I replied shyly, I wasn’t much of a people person and found it difficult to speak to adults at the best of times.

‘The choir sounds nice, doesn’t it?’ she said.

‘Yes.’

‘Do you sing?’

‘Only in the bath.’

‘Are you any good?’

‘I can keep in tune and haven’t broken any mirrors yet.’

We both laughed as I relaxed a bit.

She was quite beautiful and her makeup was immaculate. Blond, early thirties with clothes that looked fashionable and very expensive, she was what I would like to look like at her age...

‘Are you Katie?’

‘Yes; erm, do I know you?’

‘No, we have an acquaintance in common, Jocasta Gotobed is my friend.’

‘She’s nice.’ I replied.

‘Yes; she’s over there talking to Mummy Dotty, sorry, Lady Fairbairn. Sorry, I didn’t introduce myself; I’m Samantha Smart and one of those kids in the choir, is my Hannah. She has a lovely voice and is going to do the solo tonight.’

‘Is it a carol service?’

‘I’m not sure if Carol will be there...sorry, I do very bad jokes. Yes it’s the carol service tonight. Will you be coming?’

‘I...I might. I need to talk to Jocasta first about something.’

‘Hannah mentioned that she was with you yesterday. She said that she likes you.’

‘Does she? That’s nice. I like her and the other girls I met too.’ I answered awkwardly. I wasn’t used to any form of compliment.

We listened to the Ding Dong song and then Samantha got up.

‘I see that Jo is free now. I’ll just go and have a word with her. If you ever need any help, come and see me and my partner Abby or tell Hannah that you want a word, okay?’

‘Yes, thank you.’ I replied, tears pricking my eyes for a moment.

She looked at me for a moment longer, smiled and then with a cheery ‘bye,’ she went off to see Jocasta.

It seemed that I would have to wait a little longer to see Jocasta, so I just sat back and listened to the choir.

Most of the hymns I knew and I started singing along quietly to myself. Midway through Once in Royal David’s City, I felt a touch on my shoulder and I jumped slightly.

‘Damn fine voice you have there, young Katie.’

Turning around in my pew I saw to my horror, Lady Fairbairn, sitting behind me, leaning forward and almost in my face.

She looked even more formidable, up close and personal and it was all I could to prevent a wetting of the panties situation.

‘Erm, h...h...hello.’

I swore that the dead fox around her neck was staring at me and at one point winked, but that might have been a trick of the light...

‘Nice to see kids in church. In my day, of course, we had to go – noblesse oblige and all that. Now, it’s all iPads, Xboxes and can’t be bothered. The world’s going to hell in a handbasket, if yer ask me. So, you are the Katie that Sarah’s been blathering on about. Must say yer look normal. No rings through yer nose or tongue; put a decent dress on yer’ and yer would be presentable. Can’t abide girls in jeans, not lady-like. The times I have told Sarah but does she listen? No, jeans are cool an’ fashionable and I still live in the Victorian age accordin’ ter her. When I was a girl it was speak only when spoken too and don’t cheek yer elders.’

All this was spoken at a volume that would have been heard by half the village, if the organ wasn’t being played rather loudly.

The music stopped and thank goodness Lady F did too – then she stood up.

‘Mr Francis, a word.’ she bellowed, making the lambs behind bleat with alarm and hide their heads under the straw.

The choir conductor looked over at us and I could have sworn that I saw a grimace, as he walked over, leaving the choir whispering and giggling behind him.

‘Can I help Lady Fairbairn?’

‘Yes, this is young Katie, her singing is pleasing. You have few malingerers, I believe?’

‘Well, Mark and Joanne have the flu, Amy a throat infection and Simon got his head caught in the school railings and hasn’t recovered...’

‘Yes, yes, I know about all that. In my days things like that wouldn’t have stopped me...anyway, I am sure that Katie will fit in.’

‘But...’

She turned to me, her imperious eyebrow raising a good couple of couple of centimetres.

‘Do yer say that yer wouldn’t fit in..?’

‘Yes but, no but...’

‘But me no buts, girl. That’s settled then’ she turned back to Mr Francis, ‘ I’ll tell Mrs Gotobed, who’s lookin’ after her, that Katie here has been roped in ter help out. All hands to the pump and all that nonsense. Now run along Katie and join the others, I think that yer have several more hymns to practice Mr Francis?’

‘Indeed I have Lady...’

‘Off yer pop then and take Katie with yer. I hope that we aren’t having any modern hymns this year, Mr Francis. This is a C of E church and we don't want any of that happy clappy nonsense here. Now, I need ter see the vicar; he was threatening ter use incense. We can’t have that sort of thing...’

In a sort of daze, I followed the choirmaster and was soon sandwiched between Sarah and Hannah, who gave me a look midway between sympathy and humour.

I wasn’t given much time to think but found myself singing some well known and a few not so well know hymns. Soon, I had temporarily forgotten my problems and lost myself in the music. After another half an hour, choir practice was over and I was somehow promising to turn up at 6.30pm to get changed into choristers’ robes and ready to join in the candle light procession. Sarah and Hannah wanted to chat, but I really needed to talk to Jocasta and at last, I could see that she was free.

‘We’ll meet you outside Katie,’ said Sarah.

I went over to Jocasta and she looked up from sorting out some bibles and smiled.

‘Hi Katie, I saw that Lady F got you roped into the choir. I hope that you don’t mind. She’s a force of nature and hard to stop sometimes.’

‘No, I don’t mind; I like singing and it keeps my mind off things.’

‘Things being your mum?’

I nodded.

‘Did you get any information from Mrs Stevens?’

‘Can we talk in private?’

‘Of course dear, let’s go into the vicar’s vestry, it should be quiet there now; David has gone back to the vicarage; I think to get away from Lady F but don't quote me on that.’

I followed her into a small room where there were some vestments, a desk and chair and a filing cabinet.

Jo closed the door behind us and then turned to me expectantly.

‘Well Katie, how did you get on at The Seashells?’

‘I...I went back and knocked on the door. A lady answered. I asked her if she knew where Mrs Young had gone and she said that she didn’t know. She couldn’t give me any more information and she shut the door in my face.’

‘Oh, that’s a shame Katie. Never mind we’ll find her...why are you crying, is everything a bit too much for you?’

It took a moment and a bit of a hug from Jo to calm me down enough to speak coherently. I was surprised at my crying, as I didn’t do it before when I realised that Mrs Stevens and my mum were one of the same person.

Haltingly, I told Jo what had happened when I went to The Seashells.

‘So, you recognised her; could it have been a mistake? You can’t have remembered her from when you were very young.’

‘She looks very much like me, but a bit older. Remember, she had me when she was fourteen. She’s thirty now, but looks a bit younger than that.’

‘Are you absolutely sure that you were not seeing what you wanted to see?’

‘NO, it was her!’

‘Alright dear, don’t get yourself upset; I just wanted to make sure. The last thing you want and need is for you to accuse a person of being someone else. Right, we need to sort this out, but going up there and confronting her would be a bad thing. She has something to hide; otherwise she wouldn’t have changed her name. Could it be her married name?’

‘Maybe, but then why didn’t she tell me that she used to be Mrs Young?’

’Good point. Look let’s give her a day or so and then we’ll contact her somehow. Maybe I’ll go to speak to her for you and find out what is going on.’

‘Would it help if I gave her a letter?’

‘Maybe; if you give it to me, I’ll take it to her. Posting it through her letterbox might frighten her away. You did say that you thought that she looked a bit scared?’

‘Yes, she did; nothing definite, but she had this look in her eye that gave me that impression.’

‘Okay, we definitely don't want to scare her off. We need to approach this carefully. Do you trust me?’

‘Yes.’ I replied, feeling a bit strange at saying that to anyone after the experiences that I had suffered in the past.

‘Right; you must stay with us until all this is sorted out; do you agree.’

I nodded, a lump in my throat. It would be nice to be with a family who really cared about me.

I found my voice.

‘I don't want to spoil your Christmas.’

‘Oh don't worry about that. You are a nice girl and the more the merrier I say and I know that David feels the same as I do. As for the girls, they like you and anything and anyone that stops them bickering between themselves is alright by me. Now, I think that The Gang are outside and I have a feeling that they are waiting for you, so that you can all go down to the quay. You don't have to go though, if you want some peace and quiet.’

‘I need something to keep my mind off of things so I will go with them, if they’ll have me.’

‘No problems there then; everyone who sees you likes you. I can’t see what the people who looked after you before objected to. You are a lovely sweet person.’

I nearly cried at that and on an impulse, I hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t remember the last time I did that to anyone and it was a novel, if nice experience.

She looked at me with a sort of pleased, surprised expression on her face and I swear that she had damp eyes...

‘You had better hurry; otherwise they will go without you.’

Feeling slightly embarrassed at that show of emotion, I smiled and left without another word, putting on my coat and beanie hat as I did so.

‘Here she is, did you get caught by Mummy?’ asked Pippa as I joined the gang, comprising of her, Jen, Hannah, Sarah, Bethany and Amy, who were waiting outside by the war memorial.

‘Yes.’

‘What was it about?’ asked Jen.

‘Don’t be so nosy Jen,’ said Amy with a croaky voice; ‘your nose is longer than Pinocchio.’

‘Are you saying that I have a long nose?’

‘If the cap fits,’ laughed Amy, as she rushed down the path with Jen chasing after her and all of us following on at a more leisurely pace.

‘How did you like the singing Katie?’ asked Sarah.

‘It was nice,’

‘It looks like my mum roped you in then.’

‘Lady F is your mum then?’

Having met her now, I wasn’t sure that that was possible. I wanted to say that she was miles too old, but I was too polite to say so.

‘Yea, by adoption sort of; I’ll tell you another time cos it’s complicated.’

‘Okay; what about you others, apart from Hannah, don't you sing?’

‘Not well,’ said Bethany,’ I’m tone deaf and Pippa and Jen are more into their ponies. Amy is a member of the choir but has got a throat infection. That’s why she sounding a bit like Freda the frog at the moment.’

We had, by now, caught up with the other two and were walking down the steepish hill. The others kept up a stream of chatter and I just listened, enjoying being, all be it temporarily, part of The Gang.

Almost inevitably, we found ourselves in the café, drinking hot chocolate and sticky buns. I was asked, in a roundabout way, a few more questions about myself and why I had landed up in a faraway place like Penmarris. I didn’t think that it mattered much, so I have them a highly edited version of why I was there.

‘I was in a children’s home. My mum left me in their care when I was young. I’ve been shifted about a lot. Now that I’m 16, they sort of wanted me off their hands. I was told to go to another home for those who were close to the age when they would be released into the community...’

‘Sounds like you were being treated as a prisoner on release,’ said Amy.

‘It felt like the prison system sometimes. Anyway, I didn’t want that, so I decided that I would try to find my mum instead, so I found out where she lived and the trail led to here.’

‘Have you tried to see her yet?’

‘Erm, well, I’ll be contacting her in the next few days. Jocasta said that she would help.’

‘If it was me,’ said Sarah, ‘I would go straight away. I would want to know why I had been abandoned...’

Then, despite myself, I started to cry.

‘Flaming hormones.’ I mumbled, as I was given a tissue and Hannah and Pippa started to have a go at Sarah for her insensitivity.

After I calmed down a bit, Sarah grabbed hold of my hand.

‘I’m sorry Katie, sometimes my brain and my mouth don’t sync.’

‘That’s alright, I’m just being silly.’

After that, things lightened up a bit and the others soon had me laughing again with stories about Lady F and her famous mole hunting expeditions.

‘Is she a bit loopy?’ I asked, ‘sorry, I shouldn’t be so rude.

‘She’s as nutty as a fruitcake,’ said Sarah calmly, ‘but she’s as sharp as a tack when she wants to be. She acts all tough, but she’s lovely and soft inside.’

‘She frightens the life out of me and I’ve seen a few tough nuts in my time.’

‘Wait ‘till you know her a bit more,’ said Bethany, ‘she’s lovely really.’

‘If you say so,’ I replied doubtfully.

After our café interlude, we went to the ice rink for some more skating. The others were fine, but evidently I had two left feet and found myself landing on my bum more times than I would like to remember.

After freezing my rear end with constantly falling down, I soon had my fill of skating and was grateful when everyone agreed that they had had enough too.

We took our skates off and then decided to see what was happening on the quay.

As yesterday, the quay was crowded with festive revelries. The Punch and Judy show was going down a storm with lots of kids under eight and quite a few over that age too. There were even more stalls on show, many of them selling late Christmas presents and others, the all important take away food like burgers, hot dogs, doughnuts and other delicacies.

I heard a jingle bell type noise and did a double take when I saw a wheeled sled type vehicle with a lot of laughing kids being towed by two reindeers driven by a Father Christmas look-alike.

Everyone laughed and clapped at the sight and I wondered what else I would see; maybe a brace of angels coming in on hang gliders?

After that last excitement, a few of the others professed themselves to be hungry. Having just eaten a sticky bun, I wasn’t feeling hungry, but Jen and Pippa had bottomless stomachs and bought hot dogs. I had no idea where they put all that food.

Somehow, I became detached from the others for a few minutes and I went over to the harbour wall and looked at all the boats. The one that dwarfed them all was the big yacht that came in yesterday. I wondered who owned the huge bathtub and imagined myself on board in one of the staterooms, being waited on by subservient and ingratiating staff, who were there to fulfil my every wish...

I jumped as someone sidled up to me and spoke in hushed tones.

‘The moon is full tonight.’

‘Erm, is it?’

‘Your star is in ascendancy; beware, a surprise will come your way this night.’

I looked at her. She was old, had a stringy bobble hat on head and was wearing clothes that had obviously seen better days, hadn’t been cleaned in years and didn’t really match. Colour coordination to her was mixing orange and pink with a splash of green. I could smell her mustiness over the other smells like the fish and chip shop and the curry takeaway stall just yards away from where we were standing. The odour coming from her was all making my eyes water and a breath mint wouldn’t have gone amiss...

She gave me one more piercing gaze with surprisingly clear blue eyes.

‘Believe in what you see and remember.’

‘Remember what?’

‘That Melchester will win the cup and that cheese comes from cows. Have a nice day.’

She then turned without another word and went off down the road in a somewhat aimless fashion, stopping to talk to others as she went.

I shook my head; I had seen enough eccentrics in Penmarris to last a lifetime. A number of seagulls were chatting to each other in between pinching the odd chip from a few of the unwary revellers. The way they did it was almost an art form. Fagin would have been proud.

Suddenly, as one, they rose up into the air and sped off into the distance. Looking around, I saw the Rolls Royce of Lady F whisper by and I had a sneaky suspicion that the two events were somehow connected...

I rejoined my new friends and we spent some time looking around and then having yet another go at skating, where, to my relief, I managed to stay on my feet longer than ever before. If things went on much longer, I would be Olympic material!

Time was getting on and after saying goodbye to the others, I went along with Pippa and Jen to the stables where there ponies were kept and I met Rosie and Poppy. I obviously fell in love with both of them and wanted to have one for myself. However, that wasn’t possible, but was told that if I was a good girl and ate Pippa and Jen’s Brussels sprouts on Christmas Day, I would be allowed to ride them.

I was so desperate, I agreed to their unreasonable terms, even though I had no idea whether I would still be with them on Christmas Day. A lot was happening to me at the moment and I had no idea what the future might bring.

Mind you, Brussels sprouts, yuck!

It was late afternoon when we arrived back at The Vicarage. Jo was there and fed us quickly with a sandwich, as we had to get ready for the carol concert that started at 7 o’clock. We choristers (that had a nice ring) had to get there early to change and get ready for the short candle-lit parade through the village and up to the church.

Pippa and Jen took me to the village hall, downhill from the church and left me to it. They were going to back to the church to find some good seats.

I made my way inside the hall and saw that most of the choir had already arrived. On a long table were the choristers robes, arranged in sizes small to large, the large being for the adults and the smallest for the two youngest kids, both aged about 11.

Sarah and Hannah came over and we had a sort of a mini group hug which was as nice as it was unexpected, then we went over to the table where the robes were.

As it was quite cold and frosty outside, we were all wearing clothes that would keep us warm; in my case my jeans and red jumper. Sarah was about my size and we both went over to some clothes and after taking off our coats, scarves and hats, quickly got dressed, whilst Hannah, being slightly smaller went further down the table to pick hers out.

Following Sarah’s lead I first tied on the white ruff, Sarah helped to tie it on around the back of my neck and then I did the same for her. Then we both put on a red cassock and finally the long white surplice. the ruff tickled my neck, but I soon got used to it.

Once we were all dressed, we were given long candle sticks and then told to line up in twos, the smallest in the front and the tallest adults at the back. I was pared with Sarah around about in the middle, and that was nice, but I was very nervous and I suppose that you could call it a form of stage fright.

David the vicar came in wearing his vestments. He beamed at us vaguely, said how nice we looked and then went to the front.

The candles were lit and then we were off!

Outside, the choir master timed us in and then we started singing O Come All Ye Faithful as we walked towards the floodlit church and suddenly, I didn’t feel nervous any more as I got caught up in the moment.

As we walked up the lane, I saw that it was lined with lots of adults and excited children; many carrying torches and candles to light our way. Almost on cue, gentle snow began to fall and it all added to the magical scene. Being in the depths of Devon, I didn’t think that snow fell much and especially at Christmas time. I was obviously wrong in that.

I felt privileged to be there and be a part of the wonderful celebration. We were singing the last verse of the hymn as we walked into the church and up aisle to the front of the church where we peeled off right and left to go into the choir stalls.

The church was packed and brightly lit. With its Christmas tree winking away in the corner and the all the decorations and masses of flowers, it was not anything like the sombre and cold church that I had been in some years ago.

David, the vicar came into his own as he led the service with passion and humour, involving everyone, including some little children who got involved with the nativity scene at the back of the church and the two tiny lambs, who were quite vocal and seemed to enjoy being in the limelight.

All the usual carols were sung and there was complete silence apart from the bleating lambs and one baby crying when Hannah, with the voice of an angel, sung a cappella, Silent Night in the original German language. Her voice was wonderful and I didn’t think that there was a dry eye in the house apart from one choir boy opposite me who was more interested in the contents of his nose than the beauty of her singing.

At last, the service drew to a close and I had really enjoyed singing with the others. I was sad that it was all ending but proud that I had played a small part in its obvious success. It was a very talented choir and I found out afterwards that it had won many prizes in the past.

The last hymn was Hark! the Herald Angels Sing, and with the candles, we all proceeded to go out of the church.

As we walked along the aisle, towards the back, I nearly stumbled as there, standing in one of the pews, looking directly at me, with tears in her eyes, was my mother.

---

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue