Book 2, Chapter 14

There is old footage of a steam engine I've seen on the telly where, after much starting and stopping as the train works its way through the city and suburbs, the countryside opens ahead and the train speeds up as the rhythm of poetry joins the beat of the engine, the clack of the wheels as speed and momentum build and and build…

My life appeared to have reached some take off point. After a day working with Ian, at 6pm, Litara rang from London to see if I could do a dozen two-hour modelling lessons on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday evenings starting the very next day. In a flash of inspiration I asked if the company would pay for a friend to do it with me and to my amazement she agreed - if you don't ask you don't get.

Borrowing Dad's car as soon as he got in I drove across town… "Jenny? I have a favour to ask. I'm doing this modelling course for the television. It's all reputable and paid for but I'm nervous so they have agreed to pay for someone to do it with me and as you know the most about fashion from among my friends… It's a big ask but would you please do it with me?"

It was a big ask as Jenny was the friend who'd been conned into nude modelling. For years we all thought she was going to be the next Kate Moss but the man who took her to America, supposedly to help her career, was the one who sold her nude photographs when they had an argument and then left her stranded in New York. The whole episode had shattered her self-confidence so she'd given up any thoughts of modelling settling for a job with a chain store."

"Why don't you ask Serena? She is after all your special friend."

"Yes but she's only into fashion as a customer. Can you imagine anyone who was silly enough to tell Serena what to wear!"

That did it! We were giggling so much at the thought that Jenny dropped her defences and before she had time to recover I'd arranged to pick her up next evening at 6:45.

We caused a heck of a rumpus next evening! After a day shuttling between Ian and Dad's workshops I had only time for a quick shower before picking up Jenny so while she looked the part, my style was of the 'hedge backwards school'. A person I hadn't expected to find there was Litara with Jean 'bloody' Luc but a deal had been struck with the modelling school (there's always a deal with media types) so there were to be 3 filming sessions; one tonight, one mid-course and one on the final evening.

Whether it was part of the deal or not I don't know but that first evening I was the one taken as the example of how not too present myself. My hands and nails were a mess from rope splicing and my hair had that just showered in a wind-tunnel look. Jenny was Miss Perfect and there was a girl called Blanche who was so far up herself I wanted to strangle her or at least stick her curling iron where the sun don't shine if she looked down her nose at me one more time. Walking in heels was at least one thing I expected to excel at after all my dance practice but wouldn't you know it instead of me falling off my heels my heel fell off my shoe which supposedly demonstrated my lack of preparedness and it was all caught in full colour action by my arrogant French cameraman who I swear almost wet himself laughing.

At least the after-lesson gathering in the pub went well as most of the other girls were up for a laugh, pretty much like Jenny and I, although a couple did embarrass themselves in front of us by fawning all over Jean Luc who of course lapped it up while continuing to film our antics. Litara finally had to drag him away for the drive back to London just before 10pm. "I'll show him" I thought. "How dare he laugh at me?"

Wednesday I got off work early to see Dr Stanhope which oddly I'd been looking forward to. First though I almost ran to see John who was actually out of bed in the television room. "Another week they say if I haven't gone mad watching daytime TV by then!" I commiserated and said he could always catch up on his reading but he admitted he hadn't read a novel in 10 years and it was a bit late to try and catch up. "Men! You are your own worst enemy! You had better get well soon or the class will demand Judy becomes their regular teacher! Here" I said thrusting a bunch of flowers and a pamphlet into his hands. "Teach yourself ikebana. I've got to run now."

"No pink today?" Dr Stanhope asked as I entered her office a couple of minutes later.

I looked down at what I had changed into after leaving the boat yard - Ugg boots, skinny jeans and an inoffensive warm coat. "I'm on a low-pink diet but give me time."

"And the scuba lessons, how are they going?" I had then to explain that the London doctor had said I would have to delay the scuba and kick-boxing lessons for another week or more.

"Life has quietened down then. Are you happy with that?"

I was so tempted to give her a clever answer and I had plenty of ammunition with the directorship, the modelling and the attempted murder but that would have been both disrespectful and a case of cutting my nose off to spite my face so I laid it all out as well as I could, in the process realising that what concerned me most was that I'd kicked a man in the face as hard as I could having already left his boyfriend permanently disabled - all over a parrot! What sort of person was I to do something like that? What was going to happen in court and what would happen when 'parrot man' eventually went free?

"Have you heard of the butterfly effect? It's easy to feel that, through chains of cause and effect, everything that happens is about us. That leads us to blame ourselves or take the credit for everything that happens and it follows that we feel as though other people see us in the same light. Your 'parrot man will be doing the same thing and although at the moment he may blame you for what's happened, in a month or a year he may be blaming his mother for making him gay and taking the credit himself for Britain doing well in the Sydney Olympics. You can't tell. Nobody can."

"What I can tell is that your behaviour and feelings at the moment only seem extreme because you circumstances have been extreme. I would like to see you at least one more time in a month when the doctors in London have finished with you but I'm confident that you can take whatever the world throws at you Venus so get out there and if I hear you've become the first woman to walk on the moon I won't be surprised but I will expect a postcard!"

I just had time to pedal to the hall and change clothes again before Mum, Dad and Judy arrived for the dance class. Judy did mention that she hoped John would get out of hospital soon because on her visit that afternoon she'd found him flower arranging which was odd behaviour for him.

"Ikebana" I said.

"Gesundheit" she replied

Getting down to my dance lesson for the day meant a change of pattern for Judy had noticed Mum and Dad's style and announced that Dad would be leading me as I learnt to jive.

Just sometimes I like to surprise people. Dad had taught Litara to jive and in her turn, much to my delight and excitement, when I was 8 or 9, she had passed on the moves she had learnt, throwing me around like a toy yoyo.

Dad caught on really quickly that I knew what to do, only hesitating once when holding me upside down he commented that the last time he'd seen my backside that close I'd been in nappies! I hasten to add that come time for the disabled class we did not try to pass on that manoeuvre!

Thursday came and Thursday went almost in a blur. The modelling class, without Jean Luc's presence spent more time teaching us about agents and contracts but still skin-care, preparation, clothes, movement, cosmetics and style were pounded into us, just like John had done with dance and music, stressing that it took 24 hours a day 7 days a week of complete immersion for it to become as natural as breathing. I was determined that if I was going to be filmed, and then seen doing this on television, I was not going to let myself be humiliated and I think Jenny got caught up in my mood as we critiqued each other.

On Friday Ian came across me with the radio on dancing the quickstep between the ends of a stay I had stretched out across the workshop and he joined in singing "♬♫♬ Around the world I've searched for you ♫♬♫." Back home once more to shower and eat then it was clothes, hair, makeup, accessories - Oh I love that big bag! - all done while keeping the beat of dance music going on the CD player, in my mind and in my movements.

I swear I could see a difference in Jenny when I picked her up with Dad's car and we began chatting excitedly about the class even before we got there. No broken heels tonight as I seemed to have picked up a new rhythm to my movements as we practiced catwalk and poses.I hummed happily as I tried a new dramatic effect with Jenny's makeup and she reciprocated to give my look a bit of extra oomph for when we met Serena and Evan in the student union afterward.

"Don't forget girls," the teacher called as we headed out of the door after class. "'Style! Find your unique style and work it 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Work it!"

Side by side Jenny and I strode through the doors into the union building. I knew I was never going to be a model or a dancer or a boat builder but for now I was going to be the best boat building, dancing model I could be!