Book 2, Chapter 8

Luckily Penny lived on our way home and as she got out Serena gave her a business card saying "Please call me because I know I've cost you a job?" Even I recognised that was true.

"Could I stop at your place tonight?" Serena's question floored me but I knew she had to have a reason so said "Of course if you need to. There's a couch or I've got a double bed if you don't mind sharing."

Serena texted her mother news of the change of plan and we ended up sharing. Naturally I did lend her a nightie although as we got undressed she did ask if she could see my …. I'd have preferred not put myself on display but felt it would reassure her so stripped off. "There's nothing to see really unless you're interested in a prickly vagina! I was shaved a month ago and it's itchy!"

As we settled down side by side in bed I waited, knowing that there had to be a reason for Serena's behaviour…

"Those men were real arseholes boasting how they got that land cheap and with a change in the building permission immediately made a big profit. What is worse is that my father helped them and they're scheming to do the same thing with the land around your dad's workshop!"

Having almost been caught before by one of Mr Johnson's money making schemes involving our home I knew a little of how these things worked. "Thank you for warning us Serena," I said giving her a reassuring hug. "Fore-warned is fore-armed and I think I can guarantee them a big surprise!"

Despite the champagne and late night I woke bright and sparky next morning much to Serena's annoyance. A quick wash, walk and wake-up call to the rest of the house and by 9:30 we were all tucking into breakfasts of varying degrees of heartiness. From full fried down to, in Serena's case, a gently nibbled slice of toast. Afterwards Serena and I went into the lounge and, pre-warning her that I was going to share the property news, I phoned Bill who as far as I knew actually owned the land.

By 11am Serena, Dad, Bill and Alistair Dougan (who was Bill's Welsh properties manager) were all around the dining room table pouring over the plans Alistair had brought with him. Naturally that is the moment Penny chose to call Serena and the next thing I was sent off to pick her up with Dad's car and she joined the gang of conspiritors.

This was Sunday and I was about as useful as parasol in a hurricane so I left them to their machinations and joined Mum and Litara in the kitchen preparing the roast dinner but even that didn't last long for Dad came in to fetch Litara having remembered it seems a comment she made about corrupt council officials, and Mum too followed probably on the basis that with so much business being talked there must be a need for an accountant.

Fortunately when they were finished not all of them stopped for the dinner I had ended up cooking by myself. Serena left having come to terms with her family demons, Penny got dropped back at her place by Alistair and Bill went home to Grandma. Nobody was willing to share what they had hatched and I wasn't about to beg although they did all seem to be inordinately pleased with themselves. Sometimes in business and politics I gather it is better not to know in the name of plausible deniability.

5 am next morning Litara and I headed off, driving to London. It had been two weeks since I left hospital, four since my surgery and 'Frank' the scientist wanted his pound of flesh. There would be no relaxing stopover with Litara this time nor any opportunity to dig further into the mystery of her love life. Instead we drove straight to Charing Cross Hospital arriving an hour early for my 9am appointment.

If you feel everyone is looking at you when they aren't you are said to be suffering from paranoia yet if you feel everyone is looking at you when they are you are not seen as ill. It seems paradoxical that your diagnosed condition depends not on anything about you but on the actions of others. Lying on my back with my feet in stirrups and an endoscope up my new vagina it is not to be wondered that my mind roamed onto such matters as about twenty observers gathered about the three screens showing my most delicate inner regions.

First I had donated the usual armful of blood but then I was put through the sort of exercises I associated more with a general medical than a post-surgical examination. Still what is done is done and I was ready to go home when instead an observation team arrived mob-handed and keen for more intimate details. It wasn't until 11am that they finally left without a word of thanks or explanation. Fortunately however Mr Pitt had joined them at some point and he stopped behind to enlighten me…

"The good news is that you have no indications of infection or rejection. The confusing news from their point of view is the rapid colonisation your body has made of the transplanted vaginal bridge. Our own pet scientist was expecting to show off his handiwork to his team but in places it is difficult to distinguish transplant from home grown."

"That's what you get hiring a really good surgeon!" Behind my back my Glaswegian surgeon had entered the room and been re-running the video before choosing to double the number of words she had ever spoken to me. "I must admit it looks as though that little nerd has really came up with the goods. About 60 girls are born every year in Britain with an underdeveloped or no vagina and uterus due to MRKH and at this stage there is very little difference between your case and theirs. Although you've a way to go, from what I've seen here, unless you're lesbian you are soon going to have to consider contraception so don't go buggering up my handiwork!"

With that she left… a fairy godmother in hobnailed boots. Charles confirmed her prognosis somewhat more urbanely and we confirmed my next appointment for 2 weeks ahead.

"The scientists will have you returning for years if you let them but please give them as much time as you reasonably can because your case really is important to the girls your surgeon mentioned. To be more blunt I'm hoping your periods will start before you want sexual intercourse but if they don't you will need dilation like other MRKH cases. Unlike those who've had normal gender reassignment surgery you will do major damage if you start dilation now so don't even think of it."

"What about scuba diving and self-defence? When can I start those?"

"Let's say after your next appointment if all goes well but if you want to take up something like kick boxing it will be longer."

The coach trip back to Cardiff was uneventful if a lot longer than the morning's and I was ready for an early night when I got back. Once under the covers though, sleep didn't come quickly. My mind kept going back to the doctors' words… sexual intercourse… contraception… Jean Luc… Armando… John…