Chapter 20

I've often heard it said that modelling, like acting, is much harder work than it looks, but not in my experience. It can be boring when you are treated like an object but it can also be fun when the photographer collaborates with you.

"Make like in those tampon adverts where you can go swimming, ride your bike and play tennis all before breakfast" encouraged the woman who took over for the second session, "even though in real life you feel like reaching in and ripping out your uterus!" It worked, she got the blue-screen shot she wanted as I reached out that extra inch.

The male organiser was also the makeup artist which was the first time any man had done my makeup and a rather pleasant experience as he fitted none of the camp makeup artist stereotypes. The purpose of the assignment might have been to stretch the photographer's ability to make the most of the outfits but as the photographers kept the rights to the images and expected to add them to their own portfolios, standards had to be maintained which meant a lot of cosmetic attention over the day. On a few occasions I got to see him working on Tanya, the other model who was from nearby Bath, and by the way she lapped up the attention I had a pretty good idea of what I looked like when it was my own turn!

I did feel sorry for the final photographers on that day - they had first a wait of 8 hours before they could begin work and then had to use models who'd already been on their feet since morning. Despite or maybe because of that, my final session went particularly well I felt and the photographer, Philip, and I ended our day by travelling together back to Cardiff, on the train, where in that 'small world' way I found he not only lived in Cardiff but also knew and would like to know better Evan if you follow my drift. We swapped cards with promises to meet up again although for some reason I didn't have the heart to tell him I had no ambitions to become a full-time model as in fashion terms I counted as 'a plus size' (UK 10-12, US 6-8) and had no intention of loosing weight.

Back in Cardiff a few days later, during our regular Saturday afternoon gathering in the city, Jenny and I had our modelling experience dissected by the others as payback for our moment in the spotlight. Jenny was quizzed especially for the 'cosmetics shoot' that had been her first assignment and for which she had received copies of the photos which looked like magazine cover pictures and were an odd juxtaposition of the real Jenny in front of us who we knew so well and the fantasy 'Jennifer' who we were sure would soon live in the world of high-fashion.

In the yard Dumblebit, Bill's new boat, was coming along fast as was the pressure for us to come up with a real name. My suggestions so far had been Nautilus (for the orange and white shell-fish), Titanic (on a bad day), and DuMBLeBIT (on a day I felt sensitive - 'Does My Bum Look Big In This?'). Nautilus was vetoed for its association with the submarine in 20,000 leagues under the sea - (it seems a submarine namesake wasn't a good image for a yacht and by the same logic Jack's Das Boot wasn't allowed either). Litara had the final say on the boat's name as the television involvement was uppermost even though all of the original reasons I'd had which made me agree to cooperate with the television had physically if not legally evaporated. She was the one who got to decide what was acceptable and apparently Titanic was in 'bad taste' and HMS DuMBLeBIT 'too frivolous' (the HMS addition came from Ian when I was in Naomi mode and he referred to me as Her Majesty). This did not stop Dumblebit being adopted by all and sundry, even Litara, on a day-to-day basis for convenience like the temporary lyrics used by song writers.

On a personal level I hit a crisis point in my understanding of Dumblebit's wiring and 'add-ons'. While I could still follow the wiring diagrams that Dad gave me I had no feel for how the whole network melded together and it made me 'touchily insecure' to the extent that one day, listening to Dad and Bill discussing the addition of a second wind generator, I blew up…

"You two have totally lost the plot! You came on so strong at the beginning that this was a boat for normal people to sail and maintain. That it would be safer for me because I could make any repairs needed by myself. Now it's beginning to make Blue Horizon and WorthIt (which were the 2 most complicated boats I'd ever crewed) look simple in comparison and they have to hire expensive professionals to fix them!" and with that I stormed out of the work-shed and walked home in case I smashed something in frustration.

It took the two of them to talk me down that evening. First Dad joined me at the kitchen table with what appeared to be a freshly drawn wiring diagram but was an overall schematic for the boat with, at the last count:- 8 high tech batteries two diesel generators; two electric drive motors; two solar panels; two wind generators; and one towing generator. "This is the core of the boat he explained the different forms of generator are individually very different in the voltages and currents they supply and all prone to individual breakdown in ways you couldn't repair but the circuitry together ensures that as long as there are 4 good batteries and 1 generator to charge them the system will work, at least until the batteries go flat and you have to wait for them to recharge. When you get to your next stop you replace rather that repair broken units."

That was fine of course as long as what Dad was saying was true - something I had no way of judging. Was I going to call him a liar?

Bill's approach was somewhat different - he took me to the marina bar and we took our drinks to the table where months before we had discussed celestial navigation with a sextant.

"Would it surprise you if I told you I don't understand your Dad's circuits either?" I hadn't thought about it but Bill had never mentioned a technical background so it was probably true.

"At school, at college, while sailing, in dancing, in modelling, in scuba diving, in self-defence and kick-boxing, in making stays for yachts and electrical circuits you have learnt from people you felt were expert compared to you. At the same time you understood that those people were fallible humans beings and that there were different workable ways of doing things. If you went to a decent school, unlike in my day, they might have even have shown you that history can sound very different according to who tells it and that every now and then there is a paradigm shift in the way we see everything."

"Do you mean like bacon-and-egg ice-cream?"

"If you're thinking of that chef from Bray in the paper who puts ingredients together that were never put together before and then cooks them in ways that were never done before, yes that is exactly what I mean."

"What has that to do with Dumblebit's electrics?"

"It isn't as commonly accepted but science and technology have been through paradigm shifts too. Science was once about absolutely predicting the future with a Theory of Everything but first relativity and then uncertainty humbled that dream. Technology was once about making things that would last for ever like the pyramids, then it became about making copies that could cheaply be replaced as they broke or wore out and now it is about putting together things that can be copied cheaply in ways they have never been put together before so as the individual bits break or get updated they can be easily replaced. You might say I believe that Isaac is Cardiff's very own electrical Heston Blumenthal." †

"So Dad might have it wrong but if I do it the way he says you at least believe the results will be worth it Bill?"

"Perfectly put Venus except that as well as preparing the ingredients and cooking the meal, as per your Dad's instructions, you will be the first person to actually try and eat bacon-and-egg ice-cream!"

† Heston Blumenthal OBE - Celebrity Chef who promoted techniques like cooking with dry ice