Chapter 38

Tuesday morning and my bit of the world is full of people working or studying while I'm at home, bored and not even really feeling legitimately 'off sick'. Dad even got an unexpected Spanish omelet for breakfast because I wanted to be doing something… doing anything in fact.

My notebook came out and I started a 'List of Lists' starting with ① Recipes - if I was going to sail around the world that was a lot of home cooked meals with no local shop to run to for ingredients.
② Sewing - sails needed sewing and clothes needed repairing. ③ Exercises to keep fit at sea.

Having made a start on my lists I phoned Bill but Grandma Tina answered. "Venus, your playmate is in the bath. Would you like him to phone you later?"

Playmate indeed! I wondered if Bill had ever told Gran about the trust - would their marriage better survive if she knew or didn't know? "Nothing important Grandma, I was just wondering about progress on the new boat." ④ New things to learn to sail new type of boat. "If you'd please tell him I'll be out but he can call my mobile and I would appreciate it"

So a walk it was as I'd just talked myself into going out and at least the weather was holding. Through the allotments, full of Brussels sprouts at this time of year, to the road beyond and I was just getting into my stride when a bright flash of colour caught my eye. Gone almost before awareness had caught me I was ready to move on when it came again but this time i could see a huge macaw.

Following the parrot it seemed finally to find a tree to its liking where it peered down at me while I looked for inspiration. A nut bar in my bag seemed a good bait and a bit broken off and tossed to the parrot was deftly caught and relished. Unfortunately 15 minutes later I was still behind the tree, coat spread between my hands ready to pounce on the parrot lured by the nut bar left at the foot of the tree - the parrot either hadn't read the script or thought it demeaning to be caught so easily.

Picking up the nut bar plan B was put into operation and a ladder found in only the second garden I searched - probably stored there for the convenience of burglars. Ladder to tree then back to the first garden where I'd spotted one of those cat carriers, and everything was going wonderfully with myself and the carrier soon up the tree where I clearly showed the parrot the nut bar going into the carrier…

That was the moment two local children, who should have been at school, chose to steal the ladder and my phone rang. "Hello Granddad, it's nice of you to ring… Yes I'm aware I only call you Granddad when I want something… Yes I understand Grandma needs help with the shopping but I'm up this tree…" and with that I slammed the door of the cat carrier having at least caught the stupid parrot!

Granddad was there in his truck with a ladder on the roof-rack in only 20 minutes which was in turn a mere 10 minutes after a BBC Wales Outside Broadcast van pulled up and decided to film an impromptu interview with a member of the public who happened to be up a tree with a macaw.

In fairness the interviewer did hold the ladder as I came down so it is unjust for me to imagine it was to give the cameraman a good shot of the interviewer's face by the generous length of thigh I couldn't help displaying. As recompense I did manage to humiliate him, by which I mean of course rescue him on camera, when he got his finger nipped trying to 'interview' the macaw through the carrier's front bars.

"Excuse me," I said, reaching over to lift a small flap in the top of the carrier. The macaw quickly let go of the finger to stick its head out of the flap for a look around. "Olá. Bom dia" I said which was the limit of my Portuguese.

"Bom dia moça bonita" responded the macaw, maybe hoping for more nut bar.

"What's that mean?" was the interviewer's sole contribution so all I could add was "I don't know but macaws come from Brazil so I guess it's Portuguese."

"Where would you and your friend like to go?" asked Bill as we drove off.

"RSPCA I guess - and her name's Camilla"

"How do you know its female?"

"Honorary female for biting the interviewer and Camilla for being an old bird with gaudy plumage."

The RSPCA said they'd be more than happy to take in Camilla if necessary but suggested I might like to keep her with me for at least a while as parrots love company. They even shared their tea and biscuits with us while waiting for somebody to come and check Camilla over, which amounted to beak, claws and wing-feathers trim with a parasite spray.

Do you ever get the feeling you are being manipulated? One week maximum I told them as we left with Camilla on my arm wearing a harness and Bill carrying care instructions and a shoulder high perch for Camilla to use indoors.

By the time I got home I no longer had a day that it was a problem to fill; indeed I had barely enough time to prepare dinner. Things looked up though, first with mum's expression when she came through the door to come face to face with Camilla but that wasn't to be compared with mum and dad's reactions to the local television news which opened with a picture of me up a tree! Luckily they didn't show my legs but did show the interviewer being bitten which they compared to a popular 'ferret attacks interviewer' moment.

My moment over I was washing up so almost missed the final news that a viewer had phoned the television station to say the macaw was his!