I was back out to the living room and Mom laid down the same rules she laid down to Sal. I asked, “Is it alright if I scoot on the floor next to him and we talk about fifteen minutes?”

“You and Sal did a little more than just go to the drive-in!” Mom said. I looked at Sal, “How dare you tell my Mom! We agreed not to.”

“He didn’t you just did. I was fishing, and you took the bait,” Mom said. “I thought you weren’t going to do anything. So tell me what happened.”

“Mom, I can’t, please don’t try to make me,” I said.

“Okay just make sure you share with Karen when you see her,” Mom said. “Will you agree to do that?”

“Yes Mom I will share with Dr. Davenport.

It was Monday when Mom drove me to Dr. Karen Davenport’s office. I was surprised to find that Dr. Davenport, a woman, was the head person in Life’s Pathways, Inc. There was a staff of six other professionals and a support staff of another five people. And while the building had physical therapy, rehabilitation and an occupation rehab clinic housed in this good size building, Mom said Karen and Pathways owned the building and grounds.

When I insinuated Karen must have come from money; Mom informed me otherwise. “Honey, I am not trying to overly impress you, but I did want you to know how top-notch she is. You should be impressed that this caliber of a woman went out of her way to see you the other night.”

“Mom she must think the world of you to see your kid and how she might help?”

“I guess you’re right; but just over a year ago, she said if we had a problem in the family that came out of the clear blue to call her,” Mom smiled in reply. “I think this qualified.”

I had an hour and a half of tests to fill out or go through with the help of Rhonda one of her assistants. At the end of the tests as we chatted Rhonda asked, “How hard was it to say good-bye to Sal?”

I began to sob as I said, “Please don’t tell my Mom but I couldn’t say good-bye to him.”

Rhonda patted my hand, “I’m not sure, but I don’t think she or Dr. Davenport will be surprised by that.” Dr. Davenport came into the room with Rhonda and me. I knew she was a professional but I thought she would be angry with me because she knew my Mom.

“Rhonda, are you through with Hal?” “Hal would you please call me Karen if you are comfortable and we’ll be meeting in my office, the remainder of our time.” “Thanks for your help Rhonda,” Dr. Davenport said as I walked ahead of her to her office.

Karen sat in a chair near me instead of sitting on the other side of her desk. It wasn’t a big thing but it helped me to relax. “You’ve presented yourself today as Hal, but Rhonda’s notes say you used your left hand to do your exams and often spoke in Cami’s voice when you talked with her. Does Hal mind sharing his life with Cami?”

I worked hard to speak as Hal, “I don’t see it as a contest; I think Cami is part of who I am.”

Dr. Davenport said, “So you see yourself as one person? Could you tell me how Hal might be different from Cami?”

“The only difference I’ve experienced is that I am a better student and a lot happier when I’m Cami or conscious of Cami.” I felt a need to tell her how I sometimes wore a skirt from Cami and did my homework left-handed.

We visited about forty-five minutes before she told me my session was finally over. “But I need to tell you something Sal and I did. I promised my mother I would tell you.”

“Why don’t you wait until next week and then Cami won’t be rushed and we can talk more about whatever it is?”

“Thank you but when you say Cami, will it be okay if I came as Cami?”

“Yes, in fact, if it is all right with you I’d like you to be Cami this week until we see each other next Monday. If you ever get tired of being Cami, that is okay and you can just stop and come back as Hal. Whether you can date that will be up to your Mom and should be more about your age and appropriate behavior.”

Dr. Karen met with my Mom for about five minutes and then we left. Mom did not pry, but I told her about my visit. We talked about me, Hal, being happier and more complete as Cami. We were about to get out of the car to go to the house when Mom had me stop for a moment. “Have you realized since before we left the doctor’s office you have been in Cami mode, even though you are dressed as Hal.”

“Are you going to be embarrassed if I slip and someone like the Kenneys, think I’m a sissy?”

“I need to ask, do you see yourself as a sissy?”

“No, but people don’t think of Hal as a girl like I sometimes do.”

Mom smiles that is good because Mrs. Kenney is already walking over. I tried to quickly get out of the car and run into the house. When Mrs. Kenney called to me, “Please don’t run away, I just wanted you to know…” I stopped and turned to her; Mrs. Kenny was like another Grandma. Truth was, I was afraid to tell her.

“You need to know I love you and you can come over to Grandma Kenney’s and talk whenever. I’ve seen glimpses of you but I didn’t want to embarrass you to think you were caught.” Mrs. Kenny gave me a hug. “I just prayed that your sister wasn’t forcing you to do something you didn’t want.”

“Mrs. Kenny, how did you know I wasn’t being forced?”

“There were two times you left with your sister’s friend Sandy and both times you were giggling like a girl. I was so happy for you that it made me cry.”

“What do you mean it made you cry,” I asked?

Mom knew the story and suggested we visit inside. Mom had ordered Chinese and invited Mrs. Kenny to stay for dinner. I sat on the sofa urging Mrs. Kenny to tell me what she meant.

“Do you remember me telling you about my nephew Paul who was killed fighting in Korea?” “…I knew he was different, but back then when a boy liked to dress as a girl he was called a lot of nasty things as well as threatened. But he always told me he wasn’t. He even needed to deny he was sick to get in the service. I know you’re not sick, but most people don’t know how to relate. You are very lucky to have the family and friends you do.”

“I got a letter one time from Paul on his second deployment back to Korea. He wanted someone to know he chose to take dangerous assignments.” Mrs. Kenny cried but she was not willing to breakdown. “He wrote me that he didn’t have much of a future back here. I felt awful bad when word came had been killed. Paul even sent me a picture of himself as Paula.”

I realized I had seen the picture of Paula, but the Kennys’ would never talk about her. She looked pretty enough but I thought she might have been a tomboy. Mrs. Kenny realized I was being extra quiet. “I don’t know how you see yourself, but it is important to me that I’m your friend. …I’ve worried about you ever since your sister didn’t want her little brother around.”

“I wasn’t girly back then, why were you worried,” I asked?

“That was when you felt a need to prove how much of a tough boy you were. It reminded me so much of Paul at that age. Then a year after Mr. Kenny died you stopped coming over. When I asked you why? You said, “Because other boys think I’m a sissy.” And when I asked you to name one you said, “I do?”

“I tried to tell you, deep down you are a tender boy and being so was no sissy thing. You ran away that day. We’ve been especially close since then but neither of us would talk about that time. You would sometimes cry then kind of like you are crying now, just on the inside.”

I tried to pull away; I wanted to run to my room. Mrs. Kenny held my hand and Mom knelt beside me. I felt her arm hug me. “Would it be okay if I saw you dressed as that girl?”

“I don’t think you would want to see me dressed as Cami right now.”

“Cami, is that your name? It is very pretty like the girl I’ve been seeing.” Mrs. Kenny smiled, “You know a girl isn’t going to be a fashion plate every time she dresses up.” I looked to see if she was serious and then I looked to Mom. Mom gave me a kiss on the forehead and a lift up.

I called into Jenn’s room for her to help me as I went to change. She told me to wash my face and get out of Hal’s clothes. It was a yellow linen skirt and a white blouse with a rose print that she had out for me. We were just about finished with my makeup and hair when Mom called to us that the food was there.

I stepped out to the living area hand in hand with my sister, and Mrs. Kenny’s smile was worth a million. “O’ darling you do a grandma’s heart good.” “Yes, she does,” it’s my grandparents on Dad’s side.

Mom came over to me and she was wearing the Cameo pendant Jen and I had gotten for her. I was choked up and couldn’t speak. “Cami, this doesn’t mean your journey is done and Hal is gone. It is something we will need to take time to see.”

Later, when I was ready for bed, Mom came into my room and closed the door. “We need to talk just a little before you go to sleep.” I sat up. “There are some things that need to happen and some rules you need to know.”

“Roy and your close friends need to learn about Cami from you and sooner the better. I or your sister or grandpa can be there with you. Roy thought a lot of your Dad and really likes you. It could be tough for him to hear and accept but that is something we can live with.”

“You are going to be a freshmyn and no daughter or son of mine will be sleeping around. You might have been intimate with Sal and I wouldn’t be surprised if you two feel you’re in love. You will need to take time to see how real it is. If it is real it will last till the proper time. Being a girl is not just about clothes, appearance or being with a boy; it most definitely is not just about sex.”

Mom’s smile was growing, “Worse for you, you just showed that you can be a good student. But your grades before summer school don’t show it. Ms. Robbins may be a believer, but it will be Hal’s transcript that follows you to high school. Ms. Robbins said you can put all that behind you eventually with your high school transcript.”

“Mom, would it be possible to come the beginning of next school year that it would be Cami that goes to school?” Mom smiles as I give her a big hug. “You aren’t making any promises, are you? I’m just glad you didn’t say no.”

“We might be painting your room, and Sandy asked me if she could go with us to get a new bedspread and curtains. I told her to be here by 9:30 tomorrow morning if she’s serious about shopping with us.” Mom paused and then said, “Jenn said she’s become like your second big sister. Jenn said, Sandy feels responsible for you. Tomorrow the responsibility switches to you and your mother.”

I would have slept like a dream, but I dreamt with my eyes open half the night. I felt sorry for Hal kind of fading into the background. I wondered if that was what I really wanted. For now, I have a boy’s body trying to express what a girl is feeling. Dressed as Cami, I’m afraid Hal is showing.

Before Sandy came and we went shopping, I had washed my delicates in the sink and hung them around the bathroom to dry. Somehow it was different from when I did a few things for Jenn. I wondered if even then part of me liked washing girls’ clothes.

It was 9:25 when Sandy rang the doorbell and I answered. She was happy to see me in one of the outfits she helped me buy. “I get to be Cami this week,” I told Sandy, like some ignorant boy. I took her by the hand and sat down with her in the living room. “Let me start again; I guess Mom and a doctor friend of hers realize it might not be as simple as Cami putting away her dresses and Hal wearing dirty jeans. Plus I’m afraid if I wear a T-shirt my nipples will show.”

Sandy giggled and touched my cheek softly. “I hope you don’t mind. I told my folks what happened and they are surprised your Mom hadn’t called and complained. Your Mom had to talk to my Mom before I could come over and go shopping.”

“Mom said, you needed to know that she and I are now responsible for who I am. Nothing is certain but I met with a neat doctor yesterday. She didn’t look at me as someone from Mars. Mom needs to be back to work tomorrow. I hope she will let Jenn and I ride with her into work sometime so we could see the guys.”

Sandy and I talked about what would be an appropriate bedspread. I told her I didn’t want little girl stuff. Sandy told me not to hurry and grow up. We agreed, a doll with a nice dress could be seated on my pillow and a stuffed animal would be appropriate. A baby tiger would be okay or a kitten might be better. Sandy said, “Even if or when you go back to being Hal, he should remember Camelot.”

That brought back memories of President John Kennedy being killed last year.

Mom wasn’t happy that Jenn, Sandy and I all sat in the back seat to the stores. It wasn’t long and we settled on a pretty pink and blue spread for the bed and the store had matching curtains to go with them. The saleswoman laughed when I said even a boy wouldn’t mind sleep in the room with them.

Mom insisted I buy some summer shorts, another dress and most of all a girl’s swimsuit. I didn’t mind the dress or the shorts and the tops to go with them. The swimsuit I protested, putting my foot down I said, “I won’t buy one!”

I think I just pushed Mom over the edge, I could sense she was ready to put her foot down even harder. “Okay spoiled little girl. It is time you learn another lesson. It is not good for a girl to have just one swimsuit like I was going to let you get away with. Jenn and Sandy can pick one and I will pick the other, but you will cooperate and try on both. Another outburst and you will be spanked like a little girl if you continue to act like one.

I was fortunate as there were some ugly swimsuits and several that were girly like a grandmother might choose. They were both one-piece suits, one a pink one with red hearts of various sizes. The suit Sandy and Jenn picked was a powder blue and had three layers white ruffles around the bottom. And back then wearing a girl’s bathing cap was usually seen as a must.

Grandma called, she and grandpa were taking us out for dinner. I was very nervous as we went to a restaurant we had been to as a family. Grandma squeezed my hand, “Mrs. Giraldi knows I have another granddaughter with us this summer.

Sunday afternoon I went over to Roy’s house, I was dressed as Hal, but forgot my fingernails were polished. Roy noticed, “Have you come over to explain why Cami’s painting Sal’s car had your touch all over it?”

“Are you mad at me,” I asked?

“It was a little troubling for me to think you had continued to dress as Cami. I’ve seen you twice the past few weeks and the one I thought was Cami, was total 'girl'. When you came to paint you were happy and talkative or you stayed away from me like I did something wrong. Please tell me what is up?”

“My Mom came home early a few nights ago and found me as Cami. I might be staying as Cami after summer school. Mom said I needed to tell you.”

Roy sat down in shock, “Did you sniff the color paints too much, what happened? Would you mind if we went in and you told my mother? I don’t think she’ll believe me if I tell her.”

“But what will she say and what if you’re sisters are there,” I asked?

“If you’re going to be coming down here as Cami they will need to know. My sisters might just take a shine to a girl grease monkey.” I smiled as we went into the house. Kassia, Cassie, and Irenka, Irena were both home and with their mother when we went to speak to her. Kassia or Cassie as I call her is my age but a year ahead of me in school. Irenka is a grade ahead of her sister and she is smiling like she knows something.

Mrs. Hardgroote looks up and crosses herself as Roy calls his mother over. “Mother, Hal has shared something he’d like to share with us.” My face goes beet red as his sisters are stuck to their mother. His mother looks at my fingers and grabs a hold of my hands. “Only in Amerika, you a sweet boy. If you want, I canna’ bulk you up. But if you gonna be a girl you’d look good.”

Cassie jumped in, “Momma can I dress her into some of my extra clothes?”

“Shush, letta him speak, he not saya anything yet.”

“But Momma boys don’t paint their nails,” Cassie runs off to her room.

“Is this true, you need ta speak.”

“It’s a long story, but after summer school I will be living as Cami. My Mom said I needed to tell Roy and Roy said I needed to tell. But it will probably that Cami is like a niece to my Mom,” I say, afraid of her reaction.

“Your'a family good to us, Roy had it harder with immigrant parents, but my girls show we are smart people. If youa a girl, your welcome like my third daughter. But I can’t promise if this makes problems for Roy or my girls.”

Cassie came back carrying an outfit. She pushed me with the outfit into the bathroom. “But I can’t, I yelled back.”

Irenka said, “Don’t come out till you’re changed.” I waited, hoping their mother would correct them and save me. She did not….

To be continued…