Chapter sixteen

Teen came out a month later and even I was excited to read about Amanda Flowers first prom. The article was well written and I could relive every moment in the story, the excitement waiting for my date, spending the time dressing and doing my makeup by myself, its so easy with Lush, yeah, right, the arrival of my carriage, the limo, and the entrance of my date. It was all very exciting for impressionable young girls. You would have thought I was going to lose my virginity as tension built to the innocent kiss on the cheek.

I almost laughed when I saw the pictures of me getting ready. You’d have thought I slaved all day making myself pretty. The intensity of my expression as I faked putting on my makeup had me in tears as it did, Cindy, who had brought the magazine with her. She was in tears laughing as I described what really took place all day Saturday, and how it looked in the magazine.

School ended several weeks later, which only increased my work schedule. I was becoming the hottest model wanted for photos and being associated with a product or clothing line. My prom dress was evidence of that as more than five knock offs invaded the market selling several hundred thousand copies. The unfortunate thing was that they called it the Amanda dress. The designer was starting lawsuits against any one calling it the Amanda. Copyrights are what they are.

I was spending more time flying from Sacramento than actually being engaged in actual work, and Mom has turned down several jobs because I wasn’t available. I think the hardest thing for me is not spending time with Cindy and since school ended, Kurt. He asked me out for dinner and I ran it by Mom and Dad.

It was the beginning of July and Kurt would be going away to make arrangements for housing and classes at Harvard in a week’s time, He called and asked me to dinner before he left. He mentioned that he missed me terribly since school had ended as we spent time every day together. I guess the old saying goes, first a friend and then a lover. I knew we couldn’t get too involved, but we had, slowly sliding toward that oh so dangerous place, love.

I know I’m only fourteen, but Kurt had gained a place in my heart and I didn’t know what to do about it? He’s much too mature for a girl like me, but I couldn’t help myself, I had fallen in love even though I didn’t really know what love was. We would meet everyday at school and he would walk me to classes. ‘You’re the most mature girl I’ve ever met’, he would say. I’d giggle and slap his arm and deny his compliment, but just the same I loved that he said what he did. There was never any pressure to kiss or do things that weren’t appropriate with a girl my age and as time passed, I knew Kurt was special. Sure, we’d hold hands or hug each other, but that wall was there to stifle any other thoughts running amok through our hormone charged brains. He respected me and he respected my parents and I loved him more because of it. I was just another girl, well kind of a famous girl, but one he wanted to be with and that was all. It was the conversation with my parents that changed everything I thought about what my life had become.

“Mom, Dad, I want to ask you something,” I said, just before sitting down for dinner.

“And what ever could my princess ever want?” Dad asked.

“Kurt’s going away to school and would like to take me out to dinner. Could I go?”

“Honey, you’re only fourteen, and I told you no dates,” Mom replied.

“But Mom, I’ll be fifteen next month and it’s not like we’re going to do this everyday. I want to see him one more time.”

“Rachael, Kurt’s a nice young man and I don’t see any reason why Amanda couldn’t go to dinner with him. I could think of worse things,” Dad said.

“Lance, you know why. Amanda’s just too young.”

“Mom, it’s only for dinner, please?” I pleaded.

“I don’t know, I don’t feel comfortable about it.”

“Mom, Kurt’s a nice guy.”

“I’m sure he is, it’s just that there are things about you that are special.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re a world famous model for starters.”

“That’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to go to dinner with someone very special to me.”

“Does he know about, Mark?” my father asked.

The room grew silent. You know the kind, where every sound disappears? I had been facing my mother, but when Dad said what he did, I almost got whiplash from my reaction.

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Does he know about, Mark?”

“Never mind about Kurt, how do you know about, Mark?” my mother asked.

“I’ve known about Mark for months,” Dad replied.

“But how?”

“My memory has been coming back and several months ago, I remembered Mark.”

“But why didn’t you say something?” Mom asked.

“Because I love having a daughter, and if I said something, I was afraid I’d lose her.”

My father loved me, the girl me. I went to him and put my arms around him and said, “I love you too, Dad.”

My mother wasn’t so accepting of this show of love for a father and his daughter.

“Do you know you’re the reason why Mark isn’t around anymore?”

Holy shit, what brought that on? I thought Mom liked me, the Amanda me.

“What are you talking about?” Dad asked.

“What I’m talking about is when you woke for the first time you asked where your daughter was. You had forgotten you had a son, but remembered your daughter.”

“And I still remember her,” Dad said, with a wink.

Dad was trying to make light of what he said, but Mom was having none of it.

“Do you? If we hadn’t stayed out so late you wouldn’t have fallen asleep on the way to work and none of this would have happened.”

“But Amanda was a model before the accident. She was who I remembered.”

“And Mark was still around.”

“Well I wasn’t the one to put mascara on his eyelashes,” Dad spit out.

“It was only for fun, not to change his sex, and you know it,” Mom said in retort.

“Stop!” I shrieked.

Mom and Dad looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

“Please, don’t do this,” I said, softly. “Mom, Dad, I like being a girl. There’s nothing wrong with it. If I had my druthers, sure I wish none of this had ever happened. I loved being a boy, but I love being a girl more. I love having a father that loves me as I am, his little girl, and I love having a mother that wants to protect her child, whether I’m a boy or girl, but Mom, you have to accept that your pretty, pretty, boy isn’t coming back. You have a daughter now and I hope you can finally accept that. We’ve done everything together since Dad’s accident and you’ve helped make me who I am now. I could never become a boy again, and I wouldn’t want to. Dad can take me fishing when he’s able, and I can still read the stream. Being a girl hasn’t changed that. I love you both, but please let me be who I’ve become.”

Mom had tears running from her eyes and Dad held me tighter.

“I love you sweetie,” Mom said.

“And I love you too”, Dad said. “That doesn’t resolve the question, does Kurt know about Mark?”

“Dad. You know he doesn’t.”

“And what do you propose to do about it?”

“Dad, Kurt is going off to college on the east coast and there is no reason for him to know. It’s just a dinner date, nothing more.”

“As much as I hate to do it, I’ll let you go, but no hanky panky,” Dad laughed.

“Dad, you are so yesterday,” I giggled.

What Dad had admitted shook me to the core. I love being Amanda having been her for more than a year. I no longer considered myself a boy, but the girl I had become. The thing that bothered me though, would I have started my puberty as a girl if I had known Dad knew about Mark. Would I have been so eager to have girlish curves or would I have gone back to being Mark part time? I guess that’s a question that will never be answered and as much as I love being my father’s little girl, I felt deceived. As much as I tried not to notice there was just a flicker of anger at him for not being absolutely honest with Mom and me. Maybe I would have started my puberty anyway, but it would have been nice to know what he knew.

I called Kurt and informed him of my parent’s decision to let me go to dinner with him. To say he was happy would be an understatement.

Kurt took me to a nice restaurant in Auburn, downtown. It wasn’t expensive, nor was it gourmet cuisine, but it was special because this was our first official date. I don’t count the dances, because they were kind of arraigned. This was quiet and romantic and I don’t think we ever stopped holding hands, except to eat. I wondered what Kurt had seen in me to want to date someone so much younger than himself?

“You’re not like other girls I’ve dated. You’re fun to talk to and to be honest wanting to date you was the best thing that could have happened to me. If I was able to take you out all the time, my schoolwork would have suffered. But since you couldn’t date I spent my time studying instead of hanging with my girlfriend. The more time we spent together at school the more I was falling for you. You’re a very special girl Amanda, and I’ll never forget you.”

As hard as I tried I couldn’t control the tears from running down my cheeks. I was truly falling in love.

Kurt had me home by eleven; the time Dad gave me for a curfew. Our last kiss was something I will put into the deepest part of my heart, and made me glad I was becoming a woman.

I was spending way too much time flying to Los Angeles for modeling sessions. Mom was thinking of renting an apartment so we wouldn’t have to fly home so often. Dad said he was okay with that, since he’s able to take care of himself. Dad has taken his recovery very seriously and is able to walk with the aid of his canes and almost as fast as I do. He still uses the hand controls in his car and you would hardly know he had been in the accident if it weren’t for the canes. We nixed the idea though because I would miss too much school and my tutor was for extended modeling sessions, not so I wouldn’t be inconvenienced.

I celebrated my fifteenth birthday with a small party at home. Cindy and her mother came to eat some cake. I was admonished not to eat too much because I had a figure to watch. Speaking of figures, my puberty seems to have accelerated in the last three months. I definitely have curves now, and even my breasts are noticeable. Tucking hasn’t been a problem and I have to admit I look very nice in a bikini.

I flew to New York for two shows and was paid an obscene amount of money for my appearance. There was something special walking the runway in the big apple and would be spending more time there than in Hollywood. If it wasn’t for the money, I would have refused, since I had already paid off my father’s medical bills and saved enough for seven years at Stanford. The best part of being in New York City was that Kurt was able to visit me on one of my assignments, but Mom wouldn’t allow us to go on an actual date. He took me to lunch, but Mom tagged along with us. I guess I’m still too young to date, alone.

School started and Mom put her foot down and said no more modeling that took more than two days away from school. We had to turn down several shows back east, but I’m kind of happy she did. I was getting burned out and wanted to spend time with Cindy and my friends at school.

Soccer season began and I made the team. Because of my height, I was goalkeeper. I would have rather played midfield, but coach asked if I would please use my height to an advantage. I said yes, so I became keeper.

When I played soccer when I was Mark, keeper was for the least athletic kid on the team, because they couldn’t run. Now at the high school level, being keeper was a whole different game. I had to be fast and have lightning reflexes to keep up with the game. I think it might be the hardest position on the team. As I became familiar with the position I ended up on the second all league team and I’m only a sophomore. I really enjoy doing something other than modeling. There are a number of girls at my school who ask if I’m having fun modeling, and tell me they wish they could be so lucky. I explain to them it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and it’s a lot more work than it is glamour. Of course they look at me as if I was nuts.

Speaking of soccer, I made a fantastic save one game, laying out horizontally to the field and punching the ball away for a save. Much to my chagrin someone had taken a picture of me doing it. Somehow the picture made its way to one of the gossip rags and the front page with the headline, AMANDA FLOWERS ALL AMERICAN SWEETHEART. Amanda Flowers, playing soccer for her school giving up her body for a save, not only is she a model, but an athlete too. Amanda in a game giving up her million-dollar body to save a score, what’s not to like about this girl?

Because of that photo, I was asked to model keeper gloves and shoes for a manufacturer. I thought they were joking but the amount paid told me differently. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to accept payment for my endorsement, so I donated the funds to the sport league my school is in. I’m just a high school girl playing soccer and yet because of my high visual personality, millions of girls wanted the same gloves and shoes as Amanda Flowers. Who cared if Amanda was just another player, she was Amanda.

Several designers wanted me to fly to New York and showcase their lines but Mom said no. Los Angeles was as far as we would go until the fashion week in Paris. That wouldn’t be until spring.

I’m still a straight A student and am aiming for a scholarship at Stanford. I know it’s still early, but I don’t want any mistakes that could cost me my dream.

I want to become a surgeon and know that means at least seven years of school. Even though I have enough money, I’d still like the feeling that I was good enough for a scholarship. Stanford is an incredibly expensive school, but worth every penny. A diploma from Stanford is like money in the bank, it opens doors like you can’t believe.

I guess I should talk about boy problems. I’m still not allowed to date, unless I double with someone I know, like, Melisa. This is her last year in high school and she still drives me to school. Since Kurt went away to school I haven’t dated anyway so dating hasn’t been a problem. For some reason no one has asked me out and for some reason it bothers me not to have been asked out by someone. Melisa says the boys at our school are intimidated by me and are afraid to be rejected by Amanda Flowers if they were to ask. Crazy huh?

I’ve been asked to run for homecoming queen from the sophomore class, which I accepted. The tradition has always been that the queen comes from the senior class and this year was no exception. I was a princess in the court and was escorted to the dance by one of the boys on the football team. His name is Randy Cummins and is a really nice boy. Yes he was the first boy to build enough nerve to ask, and only because Melisa told him I didn’t have a date. Before I was allowed to go to the homecoming dance with him, he had to meet my parents. Both Mom and Dad liked him. He was very polite when he met my parents and Dad seemed to like him very much. To be perfectly honest, he didn’t light a fire like Kurt did, but I still enjoyed his company. He asked me out again, but I explained my parents wouldn’t let me date just yet.

My contract with Lush was finished and they wanted me to renew for another two years. Mrs. Meyer agreed to terms that made my original contract pale in comparison. I would be a very rich young lady when I graduated from high school.

Cindy and her mom came to our house for Thanksgiving. Her father was away as usual and her mother has just about had it with the man. There have been too many indications that he’s been cheating on her, but as long as she has her cut of my income, she’ll be fine, actually more than fine.

It’s been more than a year since I started my puberty and my height has finally leveled off at five-nine and a half. I now have the curves I wanted, but I’m still not happy with my development. What girl ever is? I want the curves to be more noticeable but even I have to admit I’m a very impatient young lady. My legs have developed to the point where I no longer dislike them as they’ve become nicely shaped. I think back to when I compared them to Cindy’s when my career first started and remember how ugly I thought they were. They were like two pipes running from my body, with a joint where the knee is. Now they flow just like my best friend’s does, very nice.

I mentioned Paris, but forgot to tell you about Milan fashion week. I have been asked to model four lines in Milan in addition to promoting Lush. Paris was going to be my first time out of the country. Not bad for a girl from Colfax.

The show would mean I would miss two weeks of school, so a tutor would be flown with my mother and me to the shows. I won’t drag this out except to say it is the busiest time I’ve ever had in my life. Modeling and fitting in a full curriculum of school was putting me on edge with Mom and my teacher. I was tired and bitchy after three days of nothing but work and school.

The fashion week in Paris was in January so Mom and I flew to Paris several days before the show. Because I was going to miss school, although I had my tutor I was given an assignment to do a report on what I saw while I was in Paris.

My tutor is a nice woman named Mrs. Wright and she’s a retired high school math teacher and does this for extra money. She says it pays way more than straight teaching and she gets to travel. She’s also a strict taskmaster so there wasn’t any dilly- dallying with regards to my report. The rest of my subjects were a given, I would spent four hours a day studying. I guess you could call my report a journal and I reported everything we did from museums to cafes. It was a wonderful time in my life.

I modeled four lines of clothing, one each day of the show. I met some wonderful girls during each show and apparently they knew who I was because of my exposure with Lush. More than one girl asked if I really played soccer and wasn’t I worried I could ruin my career if I was to get injured? I assured them modeling wasn’t going to be my vocation when I graduated college and surgery was. They all thought I was crazy but it was my choice.

We returned home the day after the show ended and luckily it was on a weekend so all I did was sleep for two days. I’m exaggerating, I talked to Cindy and Ginny about how cool Paris was and then I slept. By the time Monday rolled around I was back to being Amanda James again.

Milan Fashion Week was toward the end of February and that’s when things changed in my life.