Sydney Moya

 © 2012-2013

All rights reserved

Chapter 9

“Edith I was so wrong about Charlene,” Mum told her friend Mrs Dalny, “No man would go to the lengths she’s gone. I’ve been so wrong to think she was a man when she hated it so much,”

Her crony nodded.

“She is rather pretty and she doesn’t drink anymore does she?”

“No she doesn’t, ever since stopping living as a man she hasn’t touched drop. I think that was the cause of her boozing, she was trying to numb the pain. My poor child,” replied Mum.

Mrs Dalny nodded once again.

“She does look content, there’s this serenity about her lately,” she remarked.

“Yes I know what you mean. I’m so happy that she’s at peace with the world and happy nowadays,” agreed Mum quietly.

“What’s Stu’s take on losing his boy?” Mrs Dalny asked.

“You can never tell with Stu but I think he’s a bit disappointed. Of course he understands how badly our Charlene felt about it, the way she drank! And gosh how she cried when she told me how she felt. He saw that and even if it was a blow he knows her happiness is the most important thing and he would never stand in the way of that. Wills is the most affected by all this, he is totally opposed to Charlene and they haven’t spoken to each other in months. Charlene hates how he mocks her and always calls her Charlie. I think Wills is taking it the wrong way and it’s costing him the respect and affection Charlene has for him.”

“Mum tell me what you think of this dress?” I asked my mother on the afternoon of my ‘non date’ with Richie.

I held up the navy blue gown I’d just bought.

“Hmm, try it on first. It’s yours right?” she responded uncertainly.

“Yes its mine,” I responded happily before going to change into it.

‘I love this, being a girl is so cool,’ I thought as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had a really pleasing figure

“I wish I could get my op today,” I sighed before going back downstairs.

“So how do I look?” I said when I reached Mum.

“You look lovely; it’s perfect on you it brings out those gorgeous eyes. I wish I’d had your figure when I was your 23 luv, you’re gorgeous,” exclaimed Mum in wonder.

I smiled.

“Thanks Mum. I love it too,” I responded happily.

“What’s the occasion?” enquired Mum.

“I’m going to see a play tonight,” I answered in the same cheerful tone.

“Alone,” said Mum with interest.

I felt my cheeks colour.

“No I’m going with Richie,” I replied.

“Really, I thought you said he was just a friend,” said Mum.

I rolled my eyes.

“He is,” I said but without conviction.

Mum gave me a shrewd look.

“If you say so but I wonder why you bought such a beautiful dress but then what do I know, I’m just an old biddy,” said Mum.

“It’s not what you think Mum. We’re just friends and I bought this because I liked it. Richie doesn’t see me that way anyway,” I told her though I was still flushed.”Whatever you say dear,” remarked Mum knowingly before she turned away to attend to her chopping board.

“Oh Mum,” I sighed walking up to her and giving her an over the shoulder hug. “I can’t have a boyfriend yet okay? I don’t like Richie except as a friend and colleague who see’s me as a complete human being,not as a freak or transsexual. Besides, we always do lunch and some dinners together and he has never indicated liking me as a girlfriend. I’m perfectly happy with that,” I told her.

Mum just turned me around and kissed my cheek before smiling at me, “Have fun dear,” she said.

“I will,” I replied before walking out of the kitchen.

I met Wills as he walked in and he gave me the usual sour look which I ignored.

All the sour looks in the world would never make me into his brother again I thought. We passed each other in silence as usual.

Richie was at my place at six on the dot.

“Hey Richie,” I said nervously.

“Hi Charlene, all set,” he replied with a smile.

“Yep let’s go,” I answered still not believing I had a date.

“Dad I’m really concerned about Charlie and all this rubbish about being a woman. I really think you should talk some sense into him,” Wills told Dad as I left the house. They were in the living room watching the football like they did nearly every weekend.

Dad said nothing for a while, carefully considering his words as usual.

“I know you’re concerned but Charlie’s 23 years old and isn’t a small child anymore. The more we tell Charlie to be a man the more she resents it because she hates it,” said Dad quietly.

Wills shook his head, “So you think that barmy doctor was right to tell him to get a sex-change, then?” he asked.

“Possibly, Charlie hasn’t touched the sauce since then, in my experience something unbearable drives someone to drink the way Charlie did. It’s a form of escape so to speak and in Charlie’s case it was extreme. The fact is Charlie must have hated being a man to drink like that because the minute she stopped hiding and being a man the boozing stopped and Charlie seems happy being a woman. Who am I to tell her not to be something that fulfils her if it’s not illegal?” Dad answered solemnly.

Wills was shell-shocked.

“But he’s your son,” he said.

“Was my son,” Dad corrected him, “its time you stopped thinking of Charlene the way you do William, I don’t mind her being my daughter if she wants it that much nor does your mother. Charlene thinks you hate her and that’s no good, you two have no one else besides each other you know,” said Dad calmly.

“Well you and Mum might like it but I don’t, Charlie’s a man not a woman,” Wills insisted.

“Why are you so obsessed about Charlene being a man?” queried Mum from the door.

“You’re fighting a losing battle when you oppose someone’s identity Wills, all you’ll do is just cause antagonism. Charlene wanted to be a girl when she was 4 and it’s been bothering her throughout her life. In case you haven’t noticed your brother had breast implants a while back, what kind of a boy does that unless she is a girl on the inside or can dress as a woman all the time and feel normal. Face it you’ve got a sister not a brother and that’s not going to change no matter how much you hate it or argue against it,” Mum said.

I had a great time watching the play with Richie, it was Mary Poppins and I found myself laughing and crying all in one evening but the really interesting thing happened afterwards.

“You look nice,” Richie said as we were having dinner.

“Um thanks,” I replied, looking into my plate not knowing what to think while I coloured slightly.

We had the rest of the meal in companionable silence with a bit of chitchat here and there. When we got back to the car, Richie didn’t immediately start the engine but just looked at me.

“Charlene there’s something I want to get off my chest,” he began, “I love you,” he said quietly.

Before I could reply he tenderly drew me towards himself and for some reason I just went with it like a moth to a light and he kissed me, his mouth warm and sensual, I was too stunned to resist as his tongue invaded my mouth and actually found myself responding and enjoying it.

“Gosh you’re lovely,” he whispered when our lips parted.

“Richie,” I said softly as I attempted to collect myself and catch my breath.

He looked at me with longing.

“I like you but only as a friend, we can’t have that kind of relationship because my body’s not okay yet and I don’t want people at the office to ostracise you,” I wanted to say but it came to as,

“It won’t work Richie,” I said in a whisper.

In truth I didn’t know how I felt as conflicting emotions and thoughts overwhelmed me. I had just received my first kiss, a red letter moment for any girl but it didn’t mean I loved Richie, or did I? Everything was so confusing.

Where does the line between friendship and what Richie wanted lie?

“It will and you know it,” Richie insisted before picking up my hands.

I wondered how on earth our relationship reached the point where Richie kissed and proposed love to me.

Did he love me because I was a woman or had he always had feelings for me? Was he straight and attracted to me or was he gay?

All these questions flitted through my head. Sure I liked him but it was how I liked Pete, purely platonic.

“Richie please I don’t know what to say,” I pleaded.

“Say you love me,” he replied passionately before picking up my hands.

“I need to think,” I answered.

He gave me a pained look, the longing in his eyes plain to see.

“I need some space,” I said softly.

“Okay,” he agreed before he gently kissed my forehead.

I couldn’t sleep that night because of that kiss and what it meant. I had never been in love with anyone and that was my first kiss. I hadn’t even told Mum what had happened, it would have simply publicised what I needed to sort out alone, internally.

I’m a girl and Richie’s a guy who says he loves me. Okay, but can a man love a transsexual and if so one who is pre-op? Unless he is gay which won’t do because I’m a straight woman, more to the point do I love Richie?

What is love anyway and if I love him can he wait till my surgery? I asked myself

Unfortunately there were no answers coming forth and when I finally dozed off I was nowhere near clarifying things

To be continued.