Bridges 33

Chapter 33

Tanya…

And I’m actually at the point with the way that I’m feeling that I could go and cry in the bathroom right now or just as likely ask her what the hell does she want.

The second feeling actually sort of surprises me into smiling a little bit. I actually had been through enough with her and had been so post war screwed up that when we were together she was a complete bitch…one of those man hating lesbians that was chique lesbian and all la-te-da with here clique of friends and stuff and honestly…I was scared of her and I ran from the relationship.

And I’m kind of smiling that right now after the guys…after Brandon and now Cass I’m actually considering just telling her off if she’s going to act like the complete bitch she used to be.

I’m not really used to being all empowered as a woman really it’s kind of heady.

“Morning.” I say to her.

“Oh…yes it is.”

“You’re not from around here?”

“Oh Non, Je suis…oh I am from Mon-re-alle.”

I’m trying not to roll my eyes. Tanya’s not really french she just ended up staying there since her college days. She doesn’t have an accent and she speaks nearly perfect English.

But she’s not saying much instead she’s checking me out.

Oh…

Oh she doesn’t recognize me.

“So are you here on business or pleasure?”

“Oh as you say a bit of both?”

“Oh, what do you do?”

“I am a lawyer et toi?”

“Oh I’m a nurse.”

“RN ou LPN?”

“I’m an RN working on more though.”

“More?”

“I’m working towards becoming a nurse practioner.”

“Oh tres biens, it’s good to see that you want to have more from life.”

“Me wanting more?”

“Oh non, non eet’s just many peeples zay stop getting more of an education after they are done geeting their diploma.”

“Oh well no nurse ever does that actually.” I smile at her in that being kind to simple people way.

She noticeably blinked at that.

“Oh how is this?”

“Things are always changing in medicine, new protocols, new drugs, new ways of doing everything really even LPN’s are having to study to keep themselves up to date and relevant.”

“Oh, zee law is like that.”

“Mmm, okay.” I smile at her again.

Tanya is looking at me a lot harder now. She’s really not used to getting attitude I don’t think or people not just falling over themselves for her. She smiles at me after spotting my wedding ring.

Married women never stopped Tanya she’s one of those women that likes nothing better than to break into a relationship especially if the woman is married or that she thinks that she’s married and thinks that she’s straight.

Yeah…Tanya’s one of those nasty super lesbians that think all women are just waiting for the right woman to show them that they’re lesbians and well of course she’s so amazing that it’s her…

I pick up the newspaper that someone had left and look through it while she’s studying me. I’m not really ignoring her but using it as a prop like I’m reading or looking at the paper while talking to her.

“So, you didn’t mention why you were here actually?”

“Oh I am going to Prance Jeorges as a favour for the law firm that I am with?”

“A favor for the other partners in the firm?”

She makes this bit of pursed lips duck face thing. “Non, they ‘ave not made me partner yet.”

I give her this smile and a raised eyebrow. “Oh? You must have had other things going on then? Husband and children?”

“Non! Absolument non! I do not like men, they are evil and mean and vile personnes who use their power to keep women down and to hurt zem…us.”

“Really you poor thing I know some amazing men, just I guess you’ve met the wrong ones. It’s really a pity.”

“No it’s not a damned pity.” She’s really ticked and her fangs are showing. “Men have hurt women for all of damned history and they’re still doing it. I don’t have a use for any of them…they’re all…dirty..”

“Oh it seems you don’t have a use for you accent right now either.”

She looks at me pissed off. “I’m sorry. Excuse me I need a coffee.” She gets up and she sways away and I can’t help but to smile. I like the feeling of scoring points on her and she was all about that man hating bullshit before too.

I get that there’s a lot of women out there who have been really, really hurt by men and I can get that. And I can get that there are women that are die hard lesbians and I’m okay with that too.

But I had a chance to know Tanya and she’s a narcissist like in that text book meaning of the word. When I was with her I was one of her projects she was such an amazing person to lower herself to be with me and to show me what being a woman was all about. Privately I was her verbal punching bag. Tanya took every good thing around her and made it about her or would spin it so people thought she had a part of it.

But if something went wrong in her life? There was a man or men in general at fault even to the point of saying that a woman was being swayed by a man to betray her sister women.

I lived with her too…long enough to know that it’s an issue with both her father and something to do with her older brother but it wasn’t sexual abuse…I had heard her say that much.

Tanya was a drunk talker just she never really talked with me just her friends and other lovers. But I heard enough. Daddy issues, maybe even her need to compete for his attention with her older brother?

I’m mulling everything over as I’m skimming the paper and doing the crossword they’re harder than I remember actually.

Tanya comes back after close to a half hour later and takes her seat and she looks over at me. “Hey, look I’m sorry I’m just lonely and frustrated and you’re….well you’re really attractive and I just got caught up in trying to flirt with you.”

I smile and start gathering my things. Bridgeview will be coming up soon. “That’s perfectly okay but I’m married.”

“Happily?”

“Yes very happily actually.”

“Look I’m going to be blunt okay. You’re gorgeous and you’re one of the few women that’s actually called me out on my attitude and that’s really appealing.”

“Thanks, I try not to be about the bullshit I’ve lived with someone that was all about that kind of life. All substance and no heart.”

“Men are like that. I’m not…”

I laugh out loud at that.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh it’s that she was like that and she still is.”

“Oh…well there’s some women that really haven’t really loved women not like they should be loved. I’m not some dumb girl that’s just playing around at being a lesbian. I put everything I have into the relationships with the women that I’m with.”

“So does my wife.”

Tanya blinks. That threw her off.

“Is she open to others in a relationship?”

“She sort of is but I’m not.”

“Listen, she sounds like an amazing woman and I’m sure that the three of us could get along quite nicely.”

“No, thanks really.”

“Why, we’re lesbians we don’t have to abide by the rules that are all over this male dominated society. Three women can be in a relationship that has a lot of meaning we don’t have to be just two people.”

“Well I do, I’m a serial monogamist.”

She looks frustrated and we’re pulling up to my stop and the train station. I know she’s frustrated because she whipped out the man hating dogma. Yeah it might be all intense and pretty shiny on younger people/newer lesbians but I know it for her usual bullshit.

“Men came up with monogamy as a way to control us.”

“Whatever, look you’re really, really not my type. If you’ll excuse me this is my stop.”

I get my things and I feel the train stop and I see Brandon on the platform waiting for me. I wave to him and he raises an arm and waves back.

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Ex-lover and the best man at my wedding.”

“I thought you were a lesbian.”

“I am. Well I’m bisexual but I fell in love with and married a great girl.”

“If she’s so effing great then where is she then?”

“In the Olympic village if you must know she’s been asked to help run the security there. And since you’re being such a spoiled little twunt about me not falling for you and your patter she is great. In fact she turned down her offer at being a partner at her law firm in order to become an officer in the RCMP.”

She’s blinking and getting angry and mad as hell I can see it in her face and her posture. “You’re no lesbian you’re just some poser and you’re going to break your wife’s heart when you show her your true colors.” She says almost spitting at me.

I smile at her that pat-pat on the head smile. “Uh-huh, whatever…” I get up and head to the exit of the car and get off and Brandon’s there and he takes my bags for me. Tanya is glaring daggers at the both of us but actually mostly me. I smile and give her one of those cute little finger waves as we walk away.

Brandon looks at me. “Friend of yours?”

“My ex.”

“So that was Tanya, I take it you had it out then?”

“No, she didn’t even recognize me. She got all pissy when I wasn’t falling for her little head games and her flirting.”

“Oh, so how’re you feeling after all that?”

“Actually pretty damned good.”

“So are you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

“Good Eli sent over some really decent elk steaks if you’re interested.”

“Definitely. Uhm…did Cass mention anything to you about me and you?”

“Yup.”

“And?”

He just looks at me and I can tell by the look there in his eyes that me and him are a non-issue at least when it’s going to come to sex and stuff. He doesn’t want into our relationship any more than I want him to be in our relationship. I mean we’re close, really close and ex-lovers and friends closer than friends but I’m married to Cass and as far as we’re both concerned it’s just the way that it is.

He slips his arm in mine and we keep walking to the parking lot and he just says. “So what should we have with the steaks?”

Fuck you Tanya, there are real men out there.