I was on my own now that my wife had died of breast cancer, We loved each other and had an understanding that most people can never achieve but I had a secret that I could never share with her till about a week before she died. You see I have a female brain and my life up until now has been like a split tv screen with one part of a story running on one side of the screen and on the other side is the other half of the story running simultaneously. The one on the left side is what is actually happening and the one on the right side is like a replay when they can't decide if a goal has been awarded or not and the referee asks for a video replay on a big screen above the goal posts.

Let me explain, My name is Alexander Hess and my late wife was Isabella. She passed away at the age of thirty eight which was far too young to die, but when God gives he also takes away so there is a continuous cycle of life. I am aged forty and am quite slim and small for a man so it was fairly easy for me to play dress up with Isabella's very feminine clothes and to top it off she was a really girly girl in her day.

I had been dressing most of my life but was never game to come out to anyone especially to Isabella. She was very straight and also into church so hopefully you get the picture of where I’m coming from. I work as an insurance assessor for a large company by the name of 'All Insure' and it has branches all over Australia, yes that’s right the upside down land called the 'land down under'. It is a large and vast land of floods and droughts and cyclones, so there are always a lot of claims to assess and that is what I do.

Because of the sort of claims I handle there is a lot of interstate travel involved. I can be in Brisbane where I am based one day and in Perth the next, so I have always been away a lot and it gave me the chance to indulge in my little hobby when I stayed in motels all over the country.

I never dressed at home because like I said Isabella was a very straight lady and any suggestion of anything but straight would be an abomination in her's and God's eyes.

I start this story on Christmas day two thousand and eleven. I was on my own at a holiday apartment in Coolangatta, which is right on the border of Queensland and New South Wales. Tweed Heads is on the New South Wales side. Because Queensland doesn’t have daylight saving like New South Wales New Year is celebrated twice on the glitter strip. Depending how drunk you got on the Queensland side you could really write yourself of the second time around.

Anyway it was still only Christmas Day so I had some time to see if I could find someone to share the New Year's celebrations with. Now I know I am not just a cross-dresser because in reality it is only clothes and clothes can certainly make me feel good but I am transgender and clothes alone is never going to be enough to make me feel like who I really am in my head and heart.

I have seen a therapist and have been diagnosed as having Gender Dysphoria so I am not just someone who likes to dress but actually wants to be a woman and eventually have SRS and go the whole distance. Now that my wife was not there to hurt, I could finally do something about becoming who I am inside as well as on the outside.

I of course had a problem. I had to keep working which means I would have to transition at work. I hadn't had the courage to tell my boss yet but he was a really nice guy and I thought he might be gay, it was just the way he talked about what he got up to when he went out and he had dropped a few hints how he couldn't stand people not accepting gays and transsexual people. Well I would find out in the new year just how genuine he was because I was going to out myself when I got back to work. It is something that I had to do now or forever hold my peace.

Anyway getting back to my problem at hand, in the past Isabella and I celebrated New Year on the beach and stayed there till the sun came up to start a brand new year. I decide to have Christmas lunch at the twin town RSL club. They put on a really good lunch for a lot of returned service men and women. I didn't want to drive because I would not be able to have any alcohol and I do enjoy having a drink on Christmas Day but the rest of the year I hardly touched the stuff. I phoned for a taxi and waited out the front of the apartment building for it to turn up.

It took about ten minutes and the driver had a Christmas hat on which looked rather silly on an Indian man who was probably a Muslim and they don’t believe in Christ so it was rather a wasted effort on his part. Anyway he took me to where I wanted to go. I paid him and gave him a ten dollar tip because no-one should have to work on Christmas day, I made my way into the leagues' club and who should be there but my boss Grant Hogan all by himself. He too had a silly hat on and I walked up to him and said, “Gday Grant what are you doing here? I thought you would be with your family on Christmas day!!.

He took of the silly hat before he said, “G'day Alex, I didn't expect to see you here either but I suppose you are at a loss now that your wife has passed away?”

I replied, “Yeah, but life goes on and I have no close friends so this is where I ended up. What about you? I thought you had a partner?”

He replied, “He-- umm ---she left me a couple of weeks ago so I am now single like you Alex, so I suppose we can cry on each other's shoulders while we eat Christmas lunch. What do you say?”

“Yeah why not? It's not every day one gets to eat Christmas lunch with one's boss is it?”

We walked inside the club and chose a table. It was an “all you can eat” affair for the cost of twenty five dollars which is really good value. Drinks were obviously extra and this is where they caught up with you money-wise. I like rum and coke and Grant drank beer with a dash of lemon squash. It's called a shandy and is mainly the way women drink their beer or so I believe.

We got our plates and drinks and went back to our table and sat down to eat, and for a while we didn’t really say much and just concentrated on eating turkey with baked vegetables. I am not a big eater so for me desert was out, but Grant went and got himself some pavlova and another drink for both of us. It wasn't till now that we started to chat about what we were doing in our lives and to my complete surprise, Grant came straight out and said, “I know every one thinks that I’m gay Alex, but I am not gay in the true sense of the word because I am in fact a cross-dresser and my partner who is or was gay didn't like the idea of going to bed with a tranny or as he called me a he-she and he just upped and left.

I didn't know how to respond to what he just told me and I said, “Well Grant I have a little problem myself, and seeing that you just outed yourself to me I guess I had better tell you now and not in the new year when I start work again about me wanting to transition as a woman!!

He just stopped eating his pavlova and looked at me very seriously and said, “Alex if you are telling me that you are the same as me, then that just made my day.”

I replied, “How so Grant? If you are into cross-dressing that is ok too but I am a bit more than that ,I actually want to become a fully functional woman.”

He thought about that for a couple of minutes and replied. “Well Alex I don’t know if I am game enough to go that far but I will definitely be there to support you all the way.”

I thought, ''This is getting more interesting by the minute I think he must want more than just friendship the way he is looking at me. I am feeling some stirring in the nether region. And I don’t know whether to encourage him on or not. I know I am not gay but I do like men, but as a woman not as a man. I wonder if I explain that to him would he still be interested in me sexually?''

I decided to go a bit further and said, “Grant I know you are my boss and it could get awkward at work for both of us so, how far do you want to take this?”

He replied, “Well most of the people at work that I have “come out'' to are ok with it, but they think I am just gay and not a cross-dresser. That part I sort of kept secret because most people will except a gay person but not a cd, or a tv person. I don’t know why that is.”

I replied Grant, “That is why I could not ever have told Isabella. She would have freaked out and probably wanted a divorce. I loved her too much to hurt her like that.”

Grant then took one of my hands across the table, not worrying about how people could see what he was doing and said, “Alex if you are interested I would like to get to know you a lot better.”

I thought to myself before I answered, ''Shit what do I do now? I don’t know if I'm ready for this, but he does have a cute smile,''

He didn't let go of my now clammy hand and looked into my eyes and said, “Alex I am not going to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do, but you need someone to confide in and who better than your boss, who is also different?”

We finished our lunch and decided it was too noisy in the club and got up and went for a walk down to the river and sat down on one of the benches that are dotted along the river walkway. I was really feeling apprehensive about this. Grant being my boss could complicate things at work and I could not afford to be out of work now that I am going to have the expense of all the medical procedure involved in transitioning. I would get my SRS done in Thailand when the time came but that was a way off yet.

It was all happening a little bit too fast but I thought, ''If this guy wants to be there for me than what have I got to lose? He has gorgeous eyes, dam!! I’m such a girl.''

I decide to give him my answer and said, “Grant as long as there won’t be any problems at work I’m in.” We both said bye and went home in separate taxis but were meeting up on New Year's Eve to be on the beach at Surfer's Paradise and stay there till the sun came up on new years day two thousand and twelve.

To be continued

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