SEATTLE GAL
Part 12
Turning Points
 
by Susan Jean Charles
 
Jessica shows the girls her surprise and has a tea party. She discovers a whole new world. She receives some good news and some disturbing news that lead her to a major decision.

 © 2012, by Susan J. Charles. All rights reserved
Edited by Holly H. Hart

The next day I put my laptop in the car and headed for the hospital. I couldn’t wait to show Deanna my surprise. When I arrived, Deanna and her sisters and her father were waiting in a corner of the lobby. This time I properly introduced myself to Deanna’s father, Ken. He was a tall guy, several inches taller than I was in my 3-inch heels which got me close to 6 feet. He had brown hair, which led me to believe the girls had gotten their red hair from their mother.

He was nice looking, but had a drawn, tired look. Obviously he was still grieving for the loss of his wife, and was under continuing strain with Deanna in the hospital. I’m sure having to take care of the other girls alone added to his burden.

Deanna was excited to learn what her surprise was. I pulled out the laptop.

“Remember you told me you were anxious about your hair when it grew back in?” I asked. “Well, I decided we could all see how it might look and decide what to do with it.”

Turning on the laptop, I called up my hair program. There was Deanna’s head with a bald top. I’d taken out the cast and done some Photoshopping to copy her forehead and cover the place the cast actually was.

“Eewwwe,” all the girls said. “I look like Grandpa Evans,” Deanna said.

“Not for long,” I said. “Now first we have to decide on a hair color.”

“I want my red hair back,” she said.

“Red it is,” I said, clicking on a menu button. “Now let’s look at some different hair styles.”

I proceeded to show her a page with 26 of the different hairstyles we’d photographed. “Which one do you want to pick first?”

Deanna took some time looking at them all. I let her scroll up and down the page. Her sisters started lobbying for different styles. I told them we could try them all. Finally Deanna picked one that looked a lot like the style she’d had in the picture in her room. I clicked on the hairstyle and it moved across the page. Deanna’s head moved back onto the page and the hairstyle enlarged to fit the head and settled on the picture of the head. Then Deanna’s head started rotating so we could see what the hair would look like from all angles.

“Oh, wow!” the girls cried. Soon they were all clamoring for different styles and Deanna got to see what she’d look like with several styles. Then, I asked Deanna if she’d like to see what she’d look like as a blonde.

By that time, all the girls were into the game and we soon saw Deanna as a blonde, brunette, and with long, shiny black hair.

Of course, the other two wanted to see themselves with different hair too, so I clicked another button and took pictures of them both with the laptop’s camera. We then got to see both Sarah and Millie in different styles too.

I looked up and saw Ken smiling at his girls. I showed the girls how to move through the program and let them try. The program was set up so that it couldn’t be hurt by anything short of serious reprogramming. I’d expected the girls would want to play with the program and had made it childproof.

Leaving them with the laptop, I sat down next to Ken.

“I haven’t seen them laughing like this since the accident,” he said. “Thank you.”

“Hey, its fun to play with different hairstyles,” I said. “Every girl knows that. I just made it virtual until Deanna has some real hair to play with.

“She’s really special,” I continued. “I’m glad I could brighten her day a little. So, how are you getting along?”

“As well as can be expected,” he said. “Our auto insurance is covering most of Deanna’s bills. They’ve been great at work about letting me have time off. I just need to get everything sorted out, but the girls aren’t ready to go back into day care and pre-school yet.”

“This may seem a little forward of me since you really don’t know me,” I said, “but, if it would help, I could take the girls for a day at my house. We’ve got a couple of big, wide screen HDTVs and I could rent some children’s DVDs.”

“Well, I do know about you,” Ken said smiling. “You’re all Deanna talks about. And it’s not as if someone as public as a Sea Gal is going to do anything bad to anyone’s children. I could really use the space, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“You name the date and I’ll pick up Sarah and Millie. We can spend the morning at my house and then head over here to the hospital as soon as visiting hours begin.”

“I can’t tell you how much that would mean to me,” he replied. “Our extended families are all back east and had to leave right after the funeral. Some of neighbors have helped, but they have their own families to tend to.”

“Let’s ask the girls.”

It turned out that the girls would be thrilled to spend the day with me. Deanna looked a little green-eyed until we told her we’d be coming down to see her as soon as visiting hours started. We set up a date for early next week.

Phil wasn’t too happy when I told him I was going to have Sarah and Millie at the house. He grumbled something about not wanting his house to become a day care center. I assured him it would only be for a few hours and then we’d be off to see Deanna. It was the least I could do to help a grieving family and an injured girl. I even brought out my “Oops, I dropped something, look at my rear end” trick. He finally, grudgingly, agreed. Men are so easy!

Phil had to go out of town on a business trip that would keep him away for most of the next two weeks, so I wondered what all the fuss had been about in the first place. He wasn’t even going to be in town!

With Phil gone, I spent a lot of the following weekend filling out a notebook of possibilities of things I could do to get some cash flow of my own going. I’d started one successful business, I could do it again. The trouble was most of my ideas required some upfront money. I’d been lucky the first time around that the school and Cindy’s father had helped me get started. But, I couldn’t do anything with software until the divorce was settled.

I could open a restaurant, but that required a lot of capital. I could start teaching dance, but that wouldn’t bring in the kind of money I needed, and had overhead. I could offer my skills as a researcher and provide forecasts and risk assessment. That had some possibilities. But I’d have to build some sort of reputation to get something like that going.

In the end, I decided I needed to expand my network of contacts. I was just “Phil’s partner” or “Phil’s mistress” to too many people. Of course, being a Sea Gal sort of cast me in the “mindless bimbo showing off her body” category, which was really unfair. All of the girls were intelligent, hard working women. Many of them were professionals. What they did with the Sea Gals was for fun. It certainly didn’t earn enough to pay many bills. I decided I needed to find out how the professionals in the group managed to live two different lives.

I needed to make a list of the successful professional woman in the group and talk with them. Terri could help me with that. I’d ask her at my dance class the next week.

The play date with Sarah and Millie was so much fun! I was a little late picking them up because I got lost trying to find their house. Any city with hills has roads that wind all over the place. You think the street should go one way, and it winds around and twists until you’re headed in totally the wrong direction. Fortunately, I was able to get the directions app on my cell phone to get me headed to the right place.

Ken and his family lived in a modest house in a suburb between Bellevue and Redmond. Of course, even the modest homes in that area were expensive. I wondered what Ken did for a living.

The girls were on the front porch when I pulled up. Ken and I chatted for a few minutes and he gave a list of places he’d be that day. We arranged for him to pick up the girls from the hospital.

“Jessica, you don’t know how much you’re helping me today,” Ken said.

“I’m just glad I’ve got the time to help.”

Two squirming girls in tow, I headed back across the floating bridge to Phil’s. The house being right on the water fascinated the girls. It was too cold to go out on the lake, but we walked the shore for a bit before we went back to the house and played.

We watched a Disney DVD and then played dress up. I put the girls in a couple of my fancy dresses that were easily washed. They clumped around in my heels and then we played with makeup. They used way too much eye shadow and blush, but it was fun. Looking suitably like clowns (in my opinion) we then had a tea party. As we were setting out the cups and saucers, we decided we needed cookies to go with our tea. That led to baking cookies. By the time the cookies were cooling, it was almost time for lunch. So our tea party morphed into a luncheon, complete with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cookies. Among our guests were the dolls the girls had brought with them.

After lunch, we put our plates, cups and saucers in the dishwasher and took our doll guests into the TV room. Karen and I had played dolls when we were both little, so I wasn’t completely clueless, and it was fun to play with them again. I was reminded again of how much fun it had been when I could be a little girl and how sad I had always been at the end of each day when I had to go back to being Mark.

I put on another DVD and the girls fell asleep watching it. Just about the time the movie ended, it was time to head for the hospital. All three of us changed out of our fancy clothes and scrubbed our faces. I took a few minutes to reapply my normal makeup and then it was over to the hospital.

Deanna was waiting for us and I showed her my cell phone with a few photos I’d taken of the morning’s festivities. She felt bad that she’d had to miss it. I gave her a big hug and promised that she’d be there with us in no time.

Ken hadn’t shown up by dinner time so, after checking with the nurses, I took all three girls into the hospital cafeteria. He walked in as we were finishing up the last of our ice cream.

“Sorry to be late,” he said. “But I was so busy catching up on things that had been postponed, that I completely lost track of time.”

“Well, don’t worry about it,” I replied. “We had a ball and I didn’t have anything else to do. I’m just glad the day was productive for you.”

We talked for a little while. It turned out that Ken worked for an internet communications company in Bellevue. He’d been able to do some work from home, but had really needed some face-to-face time with some of his team. I was happy to give him that time. and offered to do it again, but he declined. He felt it was time for the girls to get back into their pre-school and day care routines. One of the things he’d been able to do that day was to arrange for after-school care for the girls. Deanna would be joining them at an after-school center once she got out of the hospital.

Ken told me that Deanna was going to be moved to a Rehab Clinic which was part of the hospital campus, but not as high-care as the hospital. There she could continue to recover and receive the physical therapy she was going to need. I again offered any help I could give and obtained information about visiting hours. Giving each of the girls a big hug, I told them they were welcome to visit any time.

As I drove home, I reflected on how good I really had it. Sure, Phil and I had some problems with our relationship, but overall, I had a roof over my head and lots of free time. Phil had taken care of all my physical needs and what he demanded in return were things I was glad to do. I was healthy and worked hard to stay that way. Much of the time, I was happy living as a woman taking care of a man, although I had a vague feeling that I wanted to do more.

Deanna, on the other hand, through no fault of her own was facing a difficult period of healing and painful therapy to recover what she had lost in terms of mobility. Even then, she had lost her mother, and that could never be fixed. I wished there was a way for me to do more for her and her sisters, but I realized from my own experience that they needed time and distance to work through their grief. I could only keep restating my offer to help however I could.

I made sure everything was completely back to normal at the house before Phil got home. I didn’t want him to feel he’d been imposed on in any way by my having the girls over. The only difference was that we had a plate of home-baked cookies sitting in front of the TV.

When I saw Sandy next, she had received Tina’s letter. “Since Tina has recommended hormones, I see no reason to wait until April to get started,” she said, showing me a syringe she’d brought into the examining room with her.

“But let me ask you again, are you sure this is what you want?”

“Oh yes! Tina has helped me see that this is exactly what I want.”

“Okay, hike up your skirt and drop your panties.”

A minute later I had a slightly sore rear end and had started the rest of my journey. “How long before we can talk about surgery?” I asked.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Sandy replied. “Let’s see how your body handles these shots and the pills you’re going to be taking. I’m going to be watching your liver and kidneys closely to see if you can handle everything first.”

“I understand. But I’m still impatient.”

“I’ve seen that in other patients. But after being on hormones for a while, some still change their minds. That’s why we don’t want to do anything that can’t be undone yet.

“Normally I’d say ‘Welcome to my side of the fence’ at this time. But in your case, I think that’s a little redundant. With you, it’s more like welcome to the next step.”

I filled the prescriptions Sandy gave me. Becoming a woman wasn’t cheap, even at this step. I’d have to do a lot of personal appearances just to pay for my pills, and I didn’t know how much surgery would be.

Since I’d decided to go the whole distance and become completely a woman, I did some extensive research on the web. There were several places I could go to get my surgery, but each made it clear that it was expensive. That was my sticking point. Even going to Thailand, while cheaper even with plane fare, was much more than I could afford. I would also have to have a new passport, which would require other paperwork and none of that could be done until Fred got my situation straightened out. I was still stuck. I had to go on living the way I was now. I could live with that for a while, but it wasn’t what I really wanted.

Of course, even if I did get the surgery, what would change? I’d be complete and the way I wanted to be, but that by itself wouldn’t change my situation. I’d put off thinking much about the future, as long as I was in a holding pattern, but I really needed to focus on what my life as a woman would be.

I had discovered several talents I didn’t know I had since I’d started living as Jessica full time. Mark had been so pulled into himself, that he’d not explored much of anything beyond computer programming. On the other hand, I had opened myself up to all sorts of new activities and experiences. What I’d done so far had only scratched the surface of what I could be and do. I had so much more to find out about Jessica that I couldn’t wait.

‘Wait,’ I thought. What am I waiting for?’ I was already a woman. The surgery would only complete and validate what I already was. I’d been Jessica for a long time, and fully Jessica for almost a year. I had so much more to do and I could start right now. ‘I don’t have to wait.’

I still had duties and obligations, of course. Everyone does. But there was nothing to stop me from expanding myself even more.

I started by looking around at the opportunities in the area that I’d never considered before. There were cultural events going on all the time. The University was a rich source to explore. The Seattle Symphony was having a concert the next weekend. I mentioned it to Phil and found out that the Bank had a block of season tickets available for employees.

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“You never asked,” he replied. “And I’m not much for that kind of thing.”

I bounced onto his lap and looked up at him from under my eyelashes. “Could we please go? I’d like to see what it’s like.”

He grudgingly agreed and Friday night found us in Benaroya Hall. What a fabulous place! The views are fantastic and the acoustics were superb. I was wearing my black dress with the tight top that looked like a strapless formal with black lace rising from the bodice to cover my shoulders. It had a full skirt with a red belt and I wore my matching red-strapped 3-inch heels. I loved going out in public in clothes like this and looking nice!

I lost myself in the music. It spoke to me without words and carried me to heights of emotion. I loved it!

At intermission, we were enjoying wine in the lobby when I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and there was Cindy and Jake.

“Jessica,” she said, “How lovely to see you! Do you come to the symphony often?”

“Actually, it’s my first time. I found out Phil’s bank has season tickets and I insisted we come.”

“I’ve been coming from almost the time I moved to Seattle,” she said. “My agency is a sponsor and we do most of their publicity pro bono.”

She’d been coming to something this wonderful from almost the time we moved to Seattle? I groaned inside. How much had I missed because of Mark’s workaholic life? I was so much better off without him!

“Are you two coming to Momma Mia next week?” Cindy asked. “The touring company is so much better than that awful movie. The actors on stage can actually sing.”

“I’d love to see it,” I replied. “I hope we can still get tickets.”

“Look,” Cindy said. “Call the box office and ask for George. Tell him I told you to call. He’ll take care of you.”

“Thanks so much, Cindy,” I said, hugging her. “You’re such a nice person.”

“Well, I like doing things for nice people,” she replied, smiling.

As she walked away, I was smiling too. Then I thought back to my impulsive hug. I’d often hugged Cindy in the past and felt her breasts against my chest. This was the first time her breasts were bumping up against my own, even if mine were still fake. That was different!

The second half of the program was just as great as the first. I was so sorry when the last note died away. I was on my feet clapping as loudly as I could in appreciation of the performance.

On the way out, I noticed a poster advertising a young people’s concert on a Saturday afternoon in two weeks. I wondered if Deanna, Sarah and Millie would like such a thing. The poster said it was recommended for children 4 and up, so I decided to call Ken and see if he’d mind me taking the girls.

When we got home, I gave Phil a big kiss. “Oh, thank you for taking me to something so wonderful!”

“I’m glad you liked it, babe,” he replied. “It wasn’t really my cup of tea, but if you’d like, I can see about getting you a ticket for the rest of the season.”

“Do you want to go to Momma Mia next week,” I asked. “I thought I’d call tomorrow for tickets.”

“Why don’t you just go by yourself? I’ve got a lot going on.”

Although disappointed at his response, I was not going to let his attitude stop me from getting out and enjoying myself. Maybe I could talk Karen into going to Momma Mia with me.

Phil was rewarded for going with me to the symphony with a spirited romp in bed. Maybe it was just my imagination, but it felt like the new hormones sent all kinds of feelings throughout my body. I was so glad I’d finally started them!

Karen agreed to go with me to see Momma Mia when I called the next day. Ken was okay with my taking the girls to the Young Peoples’ Symphony, but told me to check with the Rehab Clinic to see if Deanna could come. It turned out that the Clinic had a special bus designed to handle wheelchairs and was already planning on taking several children to the Concert. Subject to doctor’s approval, they would add Deanna to the list. I was going to send them a payment to cover her ticket, but they told me the Symphony let kids from the Clinic in free and had a special wheelchair section reserved for them.

I asked if I could take her out afterward to eat with her sisters. They thought it could be done, provided the doctor okayed it and my car could handle a wheelchair. The car wasn’t a problem and I was sure I could lift Deanna in and out of it. Then I called Ken back and told him about the arrangements and asked if he wanted to join us. He begged off the concert since he had a lot of work to catch up on, but agreed to join us for dinner. Phil, naturally, didn’t want to come either. He said he just wasn’t into children.

The following week, I finally got some good news. Fred had convinced the Judge that I needed access to some of my funds. He’d explained that I had been living on the charity of a friend since being tossed out of the suite. Without access to my company, my income had been very limited. So the judge approved a monthly allowance with the proviso that Cindy and I try to come to some sort of agreement about our assets soon.

I told Fred I’d agree to split our money, including selling the suite. I wanted my company, and Cindy could have hers. That should be simple enough. Since Cindy had left me, Fred thought my proposal was quite generous. I told him I’d been doing a lot of thinking, and Cindy had had every right to leave. It may have been her action, but it was my inaction that had driven her to leave. He agreed to try and set something up as soon as possible.

It was fortunate I’d talked to Fred when I did, because the next day was the start of my water retention pill regime. I know, I was crazy to subject myself to something like that if I didn’t have to, but it had developed into something I felt I had to do. As much as possible, I needed share the experiences of a real woman if I was going to be one. And the monthly discomfort was part of that. I needed to be a real woman in every way. Most people probably wouldn’t understand it, but Karen did. We both commiserated since we shared that time of month. Misery loves company!

Fortunately, the five days were up two days before we went to see Momma Mia. I was still wearing a pad, just in case. But I wouldn’t have survived the lines in the ladies room the day before when I‘d really been running.

The performance blew me away! It was amazing how an almost bare stage with one revolving set piece could become an island resort. All of us in the audience were so swept up in the story, that we really believed we were in the Mediterranean The songs, golden oldies I vaguely remembering hearing when I was growing up, fit the plot so well. And I found myself dancing in the aisles along with everyone else during the encore. I made a point of telling Phil what a great evening he’d missed when I got home. As usual, he wasn’t too responsive.

Then he told me that he had a big dinner party coming up. Wouldn’t you know it? It was the same day as the Young People’s Symphony. I told Phil I had a conflict.

“Well, break it,” he commanded.

“I can’t break it,” I said. “I promised.”

“I don’t care what you promised,” he replied, angrily, “This is important.”

“This is more important,” I replied calmly. “I am not going to break a promise to three little girls who recently lost their mother.”

After some fast thinking, I offered a compromise. “Look, I can prepare a special meal before I have to leave. We always have someone in to serve anyway, so the only thing that will change is that I won’t be here. You do a great job as a charming host, even without me. If I can, I can make an appearance later before they leave. Just tell them I’m helping a family who recently had a tragic loss.”

“You are suppose to be here to support me!” he said, with a raised voice. He was starting to sound like a little pouting boy.

“And I will be supporting you,” I said. “Just not quite to the extent I have been for this one time. In fact, I bet if I asked her, Madeline would be more than happy to serve as hostess for the evening.”

“Oh yeah,” he replied sarcastically, “I’m really about to go crawling to my boss for help.”

“No, I’d be asking your boss’s wife for a little help. And I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to help. She’s helped me with a few last minute things before at some of these dinner parties.”

“I’m not going to look needy to my boss,” Phil almost screamed.

“All right,” I said. “Postpone your dinner party until the next night or move it up a night.”

“I can’t!” he shouted.

It was obvious I’d backed Phil into a corner. That wasn’t a good thing for me, as a woman, to do to a man. I thought back to the conversations I’d had with Madeline. I had to let him think he’d won while getting what I wanted to.

“Phil,” I said, dropping my eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry I got myself into this situation. I’ll try to find a way to make it work. In the meantime, I promise to prepare the best dinner you’ve ever served in this house.”

“Well, okay,” he said, calming down a bit. “See that you do.”

I spent quite a bit of time the rest of the evening snuggling up to Phil, trying to calm him down. I coaxed him to go down on me when we got upstairs, although I’d just as soon have avoided it. But I had to appease his male ego.

I called Madeline the next day and discussed the situation.

“Of course you need to take those poor children out,” she said. “There is no way you can cancel with them after you promised. They’ve felt abandoned by their mother’s death already. They don’t need another abandonment, even a little one, right now.

“You just tell Phil you’ll take the children to the Symphony and will come back as soon possible. If you have one of your fantastic meals ready to go, no one will notice if you are not there. If it comes up, I’ll just tell them you got a little delayed.”

“Madeline, you’re a lifesaver! Thank you so much. I just couldn’t disappoint the girls.”

Since the Symphony was in the afternoon, the timelines might just work. Ken was meeting us for dinner and he could take the girls home with him. It might be a little tight, but workable.

Phil was skeptical, but I assured him it would all work out. I pointed out that I’d compromised to fit his needs. “Everything will be fine. No one will notice a thing.”

It actually did work out. The Symphony was great and the girls loved it. They were dressed in their party dresses. Ken had brought Deanna’s dress to the clinic and she, with the help of the nurses, was able to get it on. I was dressed in one of my long skirted hostess dresses. I just love the long skirts! They allow my legs such freedom of movement, and there’s almost no danger of showing anything I don’t want showing. The only two drawbacks are in going up and down stairs. First, sometimes I can’t see my feet beyond the skirt and I’ve really got to watch out where I’m stepping. The other is that I don’t get to show off much of my legs.

I picked up Sarah and Millie at their house and drove them downtown. We parked in the garage, but before I let the girls leave the car, I pulled out my hairbrush. Ken was a great father and was really trying. But he hadn’t really done the girls’ hair justice. I spent a few minutes with each girl brushing and getting their hair as close as possible to the style they had picked as ideal on my laptop during our session at the hospital. I think I did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.

Then we met Deanna inside. Of course, she still had the bandages on her head, but I was not to be deterred. I pulled a red marker out of my purse and proceeded to draw a cartoon of some curly red hair on her bandages. We all got a laugh out of my artwork and Deanna loved it.

The girls were in awe of the hall. They had never been there before and couldn’t get over how big it was. Then the music started.

The conductor did a fine job of selecting music that evoked images in the children’s minds. He played the old standby, Peter and the Wolf, pointing out the various characters’ themes. One of the local radio personalities was the narrator for the piece. It was followed by In the Hall of the Mountain King, from Peer Gynt. Sarah, Millie and Deanna all had suitable screams when Muppet-like monsters lumbered across the stage during the piece. This was followed by the trail ride from the Grand Canyon Suite. This time the girls laughed as a monster “Cowboy” rode his “horse” across the stage during the music. Then the “Cowboy” got into an argument with his horse and the piece ended with the horse riding the Cowboy off the stage.

The highlight of the second half was Wagner’s The Ride of the Valkyries with acrobats “flying” around the hall on long hanging pieces of shiny cloth. What a magnificent spectacle for the children!

The concert ended with The Moldau. While depicting a river in Eastern Europe, the conductor had the children picture a little trickle of water from melting snow in the Rocky Mountains, which grew into a stream as it wound through meadows. As the stream joined others, it became a river, and that river joined another one to become the Columbia River, flowing at last into the mighty Pacific Ocean. As the piece played, pictures appeared on a screen behind the orchestra.

The girls were beside themselves. They all wanted to play all the instruments in the orchestra. They couldn’t stop talking about the concert all the way over to the Chuck E Cheese in Bellevue, where we met Ken. We ate pizza, watched the shows and the girls played the games. Deanna even did the skittle bowling in her wheelchair.

Naturally, Deanna was disappointed when the time came to take her back to the Rehab Clinic. She did tell me that the doctors had told her she was healing and would soon be able to go home and do her physical therapy on an outpatient basis. Ken thanked me again and again for the day the girls had had. I told him the look on their faces was more than enough thanks for me. I gave them all hugs and jumped in my car to get to Phil’s dinner party.

The timing worked out, thank heavens! Traffic was lighter on the weekend and I walked in just as dinner was being announced. It helped that the Symphony could be formal enough for me to wear my hostess dress. I greeted everyone with smiles and apologized for my errand running a little longer than expected. I paid especial attention to Phil’s Chinese guests and saw Madeline give me a wink.

Even with that, Phil was a little unhappy that I’d not been there from the beginning. He always wanted everything to be perfect, whatever perfect was in his mind. I pointed out that I’d received several heartfelt compliments on my meal and that Madeline had told me everyone had had a good time. I then suggested once again, that I could do a better job for him if I had more notice about upcoming dinners. He just grunted.

I was so bothered by his attitude that I called Carly at the office the next day and asked if there was any way to get more up front notice when I might be called upon to do one of the dinners.

“Why sure,” she replied brightly. “We make all the airline and hotel reservations right here in the office, so we always know when someone’s coming in. And there’s a kind of floating schedule of who will be hosting the next dinner. In fact, just a minute,” I heard her entering something on her computer keyboard. “You, that is Phil, is scheduled for another dinner in three weeks and two days.”

“You have it that exact?” I asked stunned.

“Pretty much so,” she said. “The last hurry-up panic dinner off the schedule was almost three years ago. They learned quite a while ago to have everything tight and planned so there were no disasters.”

“Do the spouses know the schedule?” I asked.

“Most do,” she said. “A few guys seem to like watching their women jump through hoops.”

“I see,” I said, thinking that I knew one of those guys. “Can I get a copy of the schedule?”

“Sure,” she said. “It’s company confidential, but you need to be in the loop and you signed a confidentially agreement when you worked in here a while back. I’ll e-mail it to you, in fact I’ll just add you to the distribution list.”

Naturally, I was a little pissed. Phil had known about all these parties well before hand. He just enjoyed making me panic. It gave him more control over me. I also didn’t remember signing any confidentially agreement. I wondered what the signature on that agreement looked like.

“Oh, before I forget,” Carly said. “Jane in Accounting wanted to talk to you. I just gave her your number this morning. Want me to transfer you to her?”

“Sure, Carly,” I said. “Thanks for your help. This will make my life a lot easier. Hey, are you guys free for lunch sometime this week?”

“How about Wednesday?”

“You got it.” I said. “I can’t wait to see everyone again!”

There was a click and a ring and a voice answered, “Jane Sachs.”

“Jane, this is Jessica Staf--uh Watson. I understand you wanted to talk with me?”

“Oh yes, Jessica. There’s a glitch I need to straighten out. The IRS just notified me that your Social Security number is already assigned to a Mark Stafford and I need to verify yours.”

‘Oh great!’ I thought. “Oh yeah, Jane. There is a problem. Both this Mark Stafford and I somehow got assigned the same number. I’m working with my attorney to get it all straightened out.”

‘Why did this crop up now,’ I wondered. It had been quite a while since I’d received that payment from the bank for covering those meetings.

“Do you have any idea how long it will take to resolve?” Jane asked. “I’m hoping you can get it fixed before the next monthly payroll goes in next week. And this one has the quarterly bonus included.”

“Wait, what payroll? What quarterly bonus?” I asked.

“Your monthly pay and this quarter’s bonus for your team,” she replied.

“I’m getting a bonus?” I asked, really confused.

“Well, yeah,” she replied. “Just like the last three quarters. Your team has really been doing well.”

“Remind me again,” I said, trying to get a clue. “Where does my bonus go? How am I getting it?”

“I can recheck, but I think it goes directly into your account, like your monthly pay does. By the way, did Phil remember to give you your W-2? If it has a Social Security number that has to be changed, you ought to let us know as soon as possible so we can get you a corrected one before you file your tax return.”

“No, he didn’t,” I said. “I’ll have to remind him. Just so I can separate the monthly from the bonuses, what is my take-home a month? Sorry to be such a diss, but I’ve had other issues taking up my time for a while.”

“Just a minute,” she said. I could hear keystrokes in the background. “Here it is, you get a regular salary of...” I wrote the figure down. It sounded familiar.

“Thanks Jane. Give me your direct line and I’ll call you as soon as I check with my attorney.”

After I hung up the phone, I went straight to my account, which I’d been downloading online and storing in my laptop. You know, the credit card account that was part of Phil’s account, but had my name on it. The one I’ve been using for food and party purchases. The one that had amounts put into it, I thought, from Phil’s account. The amounts that suddenly appear to be my money in my account. The amounts that I’m going to have to pay income tax on. I wonder if Phil was going to give me the W-2 or if I was going to file on the amounts I’d gotten from the Seahawks and then get a big notice from the IRS later.

I was really getting angry. Phil was setting me up for some major trouble. I needed more information. I called Steve. He’d always been straight with me, just like Madeline.

When he answered, I said, “Steve, it’s Jessica. I need a little information. I just talked with Jane in Accounting about some trouble with my W-2. How long have I been receiving a salary from the Bank?”

“Since you started providing feedback on the conversations at your dinner parties. Of course you got a bonus when you reviewed the initial contracts and sat in on the first round of negotiations. And, you’ve gotten the quarterly bonuses as a member of the team since then,” he answered. “If you need the exact date, I can get it.”

“No thanks, Steve, I can look it up,” I replied. “And, I’m still getting both the monthly salary and the bonuses?”

“Of course,” Steve replied. “I keep reviewing your reports from each dinner. And, of course, being on the payroll keeps your confidentially agreement in force.”

“Of course, but I wouldn’t tell any one outside our bank family anyway,” I replied. 'That includes Madeline,' I mentally added.

“Sure, I know,” he replied. “And I want to say again how much I appreciate your high quality work. I don’t think we utilize your talents as much as we should, but I’m grateful for what we do get.

“So what’s the problem with your W-2?” he asked.

“Well, I haven’t seen it yet. Aside from the fact that I need it for my tax filing, there’s a little problem with my Social Security number that I’m working with my attorney to straighten out.”

“Gee, we issued them a few weeks ago,” he said. “I’m sure I gave yours to Phil to give to you.”

“He probably just forgot,” I said. “I’ll ask him about it tonight.”

We chatted for a couple more minutes and I agreed that I’d contact Madeline about getting together for dinner at their place before we hung up.

I was stunned. Apparently I’d been on salary almost from the time I moved in with Phil. He had set it up that that my money would go into the account he set up for me, but led me to think that it was funds he was putting in to cover our food and entertainment expenses. I’d been asking him for permission to use my own funds for the laptop and my clothing. I’d thought I was totally dependent on him for everything, but I was actually using the money I was earning to pay for his entertainment expenses.

Clearly, I had a lot of heavy thinking to do. First, I went into the office to see if the statements for my “Jessica Watson” account were in his financial files. They were in the locked file cabinet. I’d found the key months ago, so getting to them was not a problem. What I found out was a problem.

As I scanned the statements, I saw my expenditures. A lot of food and drink expenses, my laptop and adjunct equipment, some clothing and gas expenses. All of which I recognized. But there were some large cash withdrawals too, which I didn’t recognize. Curious, I compared the dates of the withdrawals with my past calendars. What I found disturbed me. The cash withdrawals pretty much corresponded with times Phil had had to go out of town on business trips. He’d been using my money to spend on his trips. I looked at the deposits and didn’t see any efforts to repay the amounts withdrawn.

I picked up the phone and called Jane again. When she answered, I asked her how to redirect my paychecks into another account. She agreed to fax me the form I’d have to fill out and gave me a number to fax the form back to payroll.

As soon as the form arrived, I filled it out, sending my paychecks to the other account I’d opened to hold my cheerleading income. That account was one Phil didn’t know about and didn’t have any access to. I then went online and transferred the remaining balance out of the “Watson” account into my “Cheerleading” account.

Then I went upstairs, threw myself on the bed and cried. Phil had lied to me, he’d stolen from me and he’d cheated on me. While our relationship had been strained at times, I’d felt good that he was taking care of me and had wanted to pay him back any way that I could. That had included not only being his hostess and cook, but also being almost his wife. I’d been, and still was. I’d been grateful that he’d been there to help me out of a really tight spot when I was faced with being homeless, but it was now obvious that he was taking much more back in payback than I’d thought.

I rolled over on the bed and thought of the times we’d been intimate here. I’d done things and become someone I never thought I’d do or be when I’d been Mark. I’d become totally a woman pleasing her man because he took care of her and, I’d thought, had feelings for her. Certainly I’d had feelings for Phil when I gave myself to him.

Then, I remembered his reaction when I wanted to go further and become totally the woman I knew I was. He wanted me to stay in this almost halfway state for his own needs without considering my needs. He’d used me in so many ways, I couldn’t believe it.

Finally, I summed up my total picture of Phil and asked myself the question that Karen had told me over a year ago. “Would I want Phil to be the father of my children?”

And, the answer was “No!” Now I realized that I’d known the answer for some time, I’d just denied knowing it. Today, with this new information of my betrayals, it was conscious. I didn’t want a family with Phil, but I did want a family. I wanted to be a mother with a man who was loving and kind and honest. Phil had none of these traits.

I got up and started packing. I filled my suitcases and piled them and all of my clothes and personal effects into my car. I got my things out of the kitchen and wandered the house checking for anything of mine that I could find. Once the car was completely packed, I went in and fixed Phil’s dinner and stuck it into the fridge. Finally, I wrote Phil a note and stuck it up on the kitchen counter.

I told him I was leaving him, but that I would honor our business agreement. I’d cook for his dinner parties and act as a hostess. “I now have access to the schedule,” I wrote, “so I know when I have to be present. I’ll coordinate with you as to guests, menus, etc., before each event. I am keeping my house keys since I will need access to supervise the cleaning crew and to take food and drink deliveries, as well as to prepare the food. And I will e-mail my observations of each event and what I hear to Steve so that he gets the reports just as before.

“By the way,” I added, “there has been some trouble with my W-2 from the bank. Steve said he’d given it to you to give to me two weeks ago. Please have it ready and I will provide you with an address to send it to as soon as I have it.”

I signed it, “Jessica” and walked out the door.