---

It was a dark but clear night as Steve, dressed in a rather fetching vampire outfit (or at least, he thought so!) walked up the path to the mansion where the Halloween Ball was being held. About half way up he noticed what appeared to be an old oil lamp on a pedestal. Not expecting anything to happen, he grinned as he picked it up and gave it a rub.

What he didn't expect was for the lamp to jump out of his hands and a column of bluish smoke to erupt from it, which then slowly coalesced into the form of a stereotypical genie. He bit his lip hard to ensure he wasn't dreaming, then asked:

"Am I dreaming?"

The genie shook his head.

"Are you a genie?"

The genie nodded.

"And you're going to grant three wishes?"

The genie mumbled, "Why do they always have to be so stupid?", before saying out aloud "No - only one, so choose wisely."

Just then, Steve was distracted by the sight of a pretty girl dressed as (what he thought was) a very sexy witch.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and Steve noticed first that he seemed to be standing elsewhere, then that he was apparently gazing at his own body, which promptly disappeared, then he heard a female voice seeming to come from inside his head saying "I'm sure there was a cute boy there a few seconds ago - must be imagining things!" He then heard a cute female giggle, apparently coming from his own mouth.

Steve thought, "What the heck's happening?!", only to be surprised to hear the same female voice exclaim, "Now I'm imagining his voice - I really shouldn't have drunk that triple vodka before setting out!"

Steve had an inkling of an idea and attempted to look down, but found he couldn't control his body. "Great. I can't move a muscle."

He then heard the same female voice exclaim aloud - apparently from his own mouth, "Who the heck are you? Where are you?", as he apparently turned a full circle, again without any conscious control. His body felt... different, with weight where there shouldn't be and no feelings where he expected there to be some - unless you count similar feelings emanating from a point several inches inside his body.

"Err, Hi there, I'm Steve and until a few minutes ago I was that cute boy you were looking at. I now appear to be stuck inside your head, and yes, I can hear your thoughts. Oh, and thanks for the compliment."

"Wha...?! OK, that doesn't make any sense at all."

"See that big blue buffoon up ahead?"

"Yeeeees."

"It's a genie. Don't laugh. I saw this old lamp on a pedestal and rubbed it for a joke. Next thing you know, he appears, you walk by, and POOF! I'm inside your head. With my body nowhere to be seen."

The girl then strode out to the genie, looked up at him grinning and obviously enjoying himself, then exclaimed out loud,

"Oi! Genie!"

"Yeeees?"

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?! Get him out of my head NOW!"

"What do you mean?!"

"You know perfectly well what I mean, mister. I didn't ask for this and..."

"Steve, you didn't ask for this, by any chance?"

"No 'effin' way!"

"...he didn't ask for this either!"

"I'm afraid you did. You both did."

"What the heck are you blathering on about?"

"I granted him a wish: he quite clearly stated 'I wish I could get inside her panties'..."

"You dirty so-and-so!"

"Hey, I was only thinking it - you are cute you know!"

Before she had a chance to respond to the genie's statement, he continued:

"And you quite clearly stated 'I wish I could have him all to myself'..."

"Oops. Still think I'm dirty?"

"Shut it."

"You know as well as I do we never said those things aloud."

Steve added, and she repeated, "Besides which, surely wishes have to be said aloud to count?"

"Not necessary. Article 53, section 7, subsection 5 clearly states we have to grant the customer's first wish, regardless of how it is expressed."

"You're making that up!"

"No I'm not!"

"Prove it!"

"I, err... don't have the documents to hand."

"Well, get us back to normal then!"

"Sorry, no can do."

"What?!"

"It's the thing with magic: what's done cannot be undone."

"So if you can't undo it, can you find someone who can?"

"I've already told you: what's done cannot be undone."

"OK, so if we found another genie and wished to be in our own bodies?"

"It wouldn't work. You are in your own body. What's done cannot be undone."

"What do you mean, we're in our own body?"

"Cor, why do humans have to be so bloody stupid?! Do I have to spell it out for you?! Grrr.

"You. Have. Only. One. Body.

“The. Other. Body. Does. Not. Exist.

“What's. Done. Cannot. Be. Undone. Comprendez?!"

"You mean we're stuck like this... forever!?"

"Finally they get it. Hallelujah. You should be grateful, you know!"

"Wha...?!"

"I granted you two wishes for the price of one. I consider that a very good deal!"

"You..." she stormed over to the lamp and threw it forcefully against the ground.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you..."

"Why the heck not?!"

"For a start, that's my home. I'd rather you didn't bash it up."

"Well, tough. You screwed up our lives, why shouldn't we screw up yours?!"

"I have unbounded magical powers. I could click my fingers and you would cease to exist."

"Yeah, right. Surely people would ask questions?"

"Nope. I could erase you from existence - you would never have lived."

"You couldn't do that!"

"Do you dare test me?!"

"OK, OK, I get the point." She reluctantly put the lamp back on the pedestal. "So how's this going to work, then? Is he going to be a passenger in my head for ever?"

"Dual controls."

"What the heck's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh no. Is there any limit to human stupidity? Let’s try again...

“You know when you were learning to drive?"

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"You were taught in an instructor's car?"

"Yes. I still don't see the point."

"What differentiates an instructor's car from an ordinary car?"

"Apart from the logos?"

"Yes."

She thought for a bit before it dawned. "Oh." She thought a bit more. "You mean, he can control my body? That's gross!"

“Sounds like fun - how?!”

“I've already told you - Shut up!”

"Yeees, but you'd need to hand control to him, and he'd need to hand control back."

"Oh kay..."

"No, not necessarily the whole body. You could allow him to speak, for example; or do something with your arms; while retaining control of the rest of you."

“Can I borrow your arm?”

“Why? Second thoughts, don’t tell me - you are not going to do that with my arm!”

“Spoilsport!”

“Pervert!”

Looking back to the genie, she said "Sorry about that, boy trouble. Why are you being so helpful all of a sudden?"

The genie sighed. "Article 27, section 3, subsection 6 - which we've been trying to get rid of for years - compels us to explain the effects of any wish granted. Avoids legal trouble."

"But how could anyone sue a creature widely believed to be mythical?"

"Humans couldn't, but there are plenty of races that can. Unfortunately."

"Anything else we need to know - such as what's happened to his life?"

"That's the genius part. Both parents think they've got a daughter - you - and you've got both sets of qualifications and experience."

"But... how can that possibly work?"

"Easy - neither set of parents can meet the other in the presence of you."

"Work?"

"What?”

“Now you don’t seem too bright yourself. Work - workplace - career - jobs - get the picture?”

“You choose."

"What does that mean?"

"The magic doesn't allow you to be in two places at once. So you'll have to work out arrangements over the next week. If you go to your workplace over the next week, his won't have any records relating to his employment there. If you go to his workplace over the next week, yours won't have any records relating to your employment there. If you spend two days in one and three in the other, you'll be regarded as a part time employee of both."

"But won't it seem odd if I turn up to his workplace?"

"No - they'll remember you. Oh, there is one other minor concession."

"What's that?"

"Name."

"What do you mean? I'm Chloe Angela Brooks."

"At the moment, but given your, erm, unique situation, you may prefer a new one that reflects both your personalities."

"Eh?"

"You're living together and sharing a body - to avoid either of your lives becoming hell you'll have to adapt to your new situation and probably do things neither of you would have considered doing beforehand. You won't realise this right away, but the sum of the new you will be greater than the parts. You may decide to choose a new name to reflect this."

"And I take it if we do, everyone will believe we've had it all our lives?"

"Yup."

"When?"

"The first time you sign your name on an official document."

"Right..."

"Any more questions? I must be getting back home soon."

"Anything to add?"

"Can't think of anything at the moment."

"Can we ask questions later? It's all a bit sudden."

"Sorry, once I go back in that's it."

"OK then. Thanks, I suppose."

"Oh, and put me somewhere findable. Depending on when I'm next called on, I might grant you good health and long life."

"Let me guess - if we hide you in a cupboard or dump you in a skip, we'll have a short, disease-ridden, painful life."

"You got it! Toodleoo!" With that, the genie disappeared back inside the lamp, which jumped into Chloe's hand.

"What do we do now?"

"Well, we could do with a long chat to sort things out, but for the moment, let's just get used to the new 'us'. You've got to get used to having me as a passenger, and I've got to get used to piggybacking on you."

"So...?"

"Go in, have some fun. I'll keep a lookout..."

"Pervert!"

"...ha, ha, very funny. I'll keep a lookout for any potential troublemakers, and alert you."

"Boys?"

"Go on. I've got to get used to it sooner or later, so it might as well be sooner rather than later."

"Your place or mine?"

"Hey, that's supposed to be my line! I suppose we've got the choice of both. Where do you live?"

"Spencer Street." She inwardly giggled.

"What?"

"I never thought I'd give my address out to a boy this quickly - we've hardly met!"

"Well... OK, I get your point. I'm on Powell Street, so you're probably closer. And tidier. Although I wouldn't have put it past that damn genie to have given my bachelor pad a girlie makeover."

"Well, tomorrow's Saturday - what say we pop over and take a look?"

"OK. You know what?"

"What?"

"I think he might have given us something to ease the 'freak out' factor - we both seem to be taking this pretty well."

"I suppose so - but then again, we haven't exactly got much of a choice. Do you really think I'm sexy?"

"Yes - well, I suppose we are sexy - gah, that's going to take some getting used to. And no, our bum does not look big in this outfit!"

She giggled. "But mister, as payment for this I'll put you in control during my next period!"

"Oh great. Thanks a bunch. Err, when is it?"

"Actually... any day now. As you said yourself, you'll have to find out about it sooner or later, so you may as well find out sooner rather than later."

"Oh boy - you're as bad as my sister!"

"And you're as bad as my brother!"

"Quits?"

"Quits. For now."

"Meanie."

"Cheeky."

He concentrated and thought an image of his former self sticking his tongue out at her. She repeated the favour.

"Somehow, I think we're in for an interesting few days."

"You can say that again! Although I think we're in for an interesting life!"

"I suppose we'd better put down this lamp. I don't suppose we've got a pen and paper in our handbag?"

"I've got a marker and a stack of post-it notes. Why?"

"To write a message - 'Wish wisely. Wish alone.'"

"I doubt it'll do any good..."

"Yeah, but we can but try."

"Good point."

They wrote the note, attached it to the lamp, then replaced it on the pedestal where they found it before entering the party.

Several hours later, a little worse for wear, they left to find the lamp gone but the note attached to the pedestal, bearing an additional four letters... THNX.

"Looks as though someone found it then."

"THNX - serious or sarcastic?"

"Can't say. But we're definitely a demon on the dance floor!"

"Yes - I won't ask how you know all the moves to the Macarena."

"And I won't ask how you managed to enrapture Barry with a simple flutter of your eyelids."

"Did you have to tip his drink over him?"

"You'd given me control of the arm, besides which, although he puts on the charm, (a) did you notice he was quoting liberally from 'The World's Worst Chat-Up Lines', and (b) he's seriously bad news. He makes Henry the Eighth seem tame."

"How do you know?"

"He's a boy, and if you recall, I was one too until about five minutes ago, so I think I know a thing or two about how the species generally operates. Besides which, he was on most of the sports teams when I was at the same school as him, about five years ago. Plenty of brawn, not much brain. Oh, and even back then he was always bragging he'd be able to 'pull' any 'chick' using those corny lines. Hang on, I wonder..." He started thinking about various incidents involving Barry from his youth.

She giggled. "Now you're replaying your memories of him, and the earlier incident from your recollections, he does seem a bit of a jerk. Hey, we can share our memories. That's going to be interesting!"

"Oh gawd, I'd better keep my thoughts to myself!"

"Slight hitch."

"What?"

"I can already hear every word." She giggled again.

"Aarrgghh!"

"There is compensation though."

"What?"

"By extension, that means you heard all my thoughts regarding the boys in there."

Steve was assaulted by her memories flooding into his consciousness.

“O. M. G. ! Ooh - your first crush as well - Pete - aaawwww!”

“Stop it - you’re seriously embarrassing me!”

"Well, I’m sure you could dig up plenty of dirt on me as well! What makes me think of that old curse?"

"You mean..."

They said together, "May you live in more interesting times," then both personalities started giggling, compounded by the giggles escaping their mouth drawing stares from the remaining party-goers.

The End

---

Author's note: I doubt I could keep the insanity up much longer. If any of you think you can write a sequel, feel free - I'd love to see what Steve!Chloe gets up to as they learn to play with their dual controls...
(Oh, and you - yes, you, in the back there - stop snickering!)