Personal journal

How do you explain to a seven year old why her friends are suddenly keeping a way from her, why people are nasty and hateful to her, why they are are starting to get violent towards her,

God knows but I`ve tried to explain that people are afraid of her because she is different from most people, a more loving and caring child you`ll have trouble finding but people can`t see past their own fears and bigotry.

Let me explain a little, Amanda Ciara Angelica was born almost seven years ago, her mother was intersexed and so it turned out is our daughter, sadly my wife Amanda passed away three years ago after being beaten to death by a bunch of young thugs.

I`ve managed to protect our little girl, but it has meant we haven`t been to settle into an area for long before someone finds out little Amanda`s secret. We did have a genetic profile carried out when she born and the doctors told us that she was predominently female, my wife and I decided against surgery at the time so our child could choose her own path in life.

Amanda doesn`t understand why once again we have to move, it seems that everytime we manage to settle down somewhere someone finds out and the bigotry and hatred start all over again. Neither mine or my late wifes families want anything to do with the child so we are on our own.

Little Amanda misses her mum and loves me with all her heart as I do her and I would give my life for her, what friends I have and those are very few have managed to keep in touch somehow and try to help when they can, but it`s difficult for them as well.

As luck would have it I managed to find work for a company that at the moment will allow me to transfer from plant to plant as a troubleshooter, they know of our problems but like the authorities choose to look the other way when trouble rears it`s ugly head.

What pisses me off is that I served my country in the armed forces for twenty odd years, fought to keep our country free from extremist incursions, to keep our nation free for all, yet i see the bigotry and hatred all around me in everyday life.

Before my wife died she made promise that our child would attend church regularly, something I never did as the church is the by far the biggest and worse bigot on the planet. Little Amanda does attend church every week and can`t understand that the teaching of Jesus and the Apostles is to a large extent ignored by the church itself.

Yesterday in the church the local vicar denounced to her to the whole congregation and made a move to slap her, needless to say the vicar is now sporting a broken jaw along with numerous cuts and bruises. It breaks my heart when I have to use violence in front of my own daughter. The good book says turn the other cheek, well I can`t when someone threatens and innocent child what father could?.

It`s 3am and I`m looking for somewhere to park our motorhome for a few hours, Amanda is asleep but no doubt she`ll be at loggerheads with me again when she wakes up, to be honest she nevers mad at me for long it`s just that she doesn`t understand.

I`m going to chuck work, it`s not as if we need the money which we don`t, over the years I`ve invested quite a bit and lately cashed them in and to be honest even when I`m gone Amanda will never need to work.

I just want somewhere we can live a normal happy life, somewhere Amanda can live and have a happy childhood, Is there such a place? I don`t know but I have been told of a town that might hold our dream and that`s where we`re headed for, we can at least hope for a normal life somewhere sometime.

I must try sometime to rewrite this journal, but at the moment my daughter comes first, she didn`t ask to be born intersexed or to have the problems that go with it, but she is intersexed and the problems we have them to deal with, we`ll always have them to deal with.

Well I`ve found a place to park and can grab some sleep before our confrontation, maybe if we can we`ll stop here for a couple of days but we`ll have to see what the dawn brings won`t we?

I look at Amanda sleeping the sleep of innocence as only a child can, I see her natural beauty and silently ask her God to help her and to keep her safe, futile I know but you never know her God might just be listening for once.

Christmas is only a couple months way and for once I would like to like to give Amanda a real christmas in a real house instead of being on the move all the time, she deserves the best and in that I`ve failed badly, i only want her to be happy and have the sort of life other children have.