At last ‘A life’
By Julie D Cole
Chapter 64 Doctors visit

Well the news from Kate had been a shock and I wanted to respect Kate’s request to keep it secret but I was aching already to tell somebody.

I felt that it was difficult since in my situation I realized just what it was like to feel like everybody was looking at me and talking about me. I knew it was my imagination but it was affecting my confidence and I could see why Jessica might react badly if she was the subject of gossip.

For now I just had to tell Sally at least. She had been hurt by Jessica at a time when she needed help and she’d been kicked out of her home. So I called her and swore her to secrecy before I agreed to tell her anything.

Afterwards we both felt more comfortable knowing that Jessica wasn’t deliberately causing problems but as Sally concluded it was hard to help or understand. But still Kate’s explanation didn’t answer Julies main question.

I couldn’t pry anymore without being more direct but I decided I’d heard enough to feel comfortable that Jessica hadn’t given my bank details away and might not be as cruel as we’d all been thinking.

For once the day wasn’t so hectic and I had lunch with Anne at the café in Marks & Spencer’s that was quite crowded with a lot of retired couples filling in their day and taking advantage of the special offers. What a life.

I resisted the temptation to tell Anne what Kate had told me but she was too exited anyway and she told me her plans to lift the morale in the office and how she planned to give Helen and Kim more responsibility. She was still quite nervous because Jessica was still around.

Anne then surprised me by giving me a Thank You card and a gift after we’d eaten our sandwich that she said was a token gift for my kindness. I was a little surprised because men would never think to do such a thing and as Chris I’d have never had the chance.

I was very excited as I gently opened the wrapping paper and inside was a beautiful fine gold necklace with a heart that she said was my heart of gold. I was a bit taken aback because it looked very expensive. Also there was a small box with matching earrings but they were for pierced ears.

I removed my silver chain that Julie had given me and Anne helped me to fasten it since the clasp was a little bit difficult for me with my nails that were getting quite long. That was a job for the weekend according to Julie so I’d been told to take care not to break any that seems quite difficult when I was used to keeping them tidy. Anne also reminded me that I’d promised to have my ears pierced and offered to go with me. Finally I accepted to make the arrangements.

Anne said that she was really appreciative of my help and she hoped we could be good friends. She said that she could never have gotten the job without my coaching and so as well as the card and gift she wanted to invite me to dinner with her husband and perhaps I might bring Sally or Julie along.

This new life was certainly much different to my old one. I don’t recall ever being invited to dinner and the idea really appealed to me.She told me that her husband knew about my changed circumstances and was quite comfortable. He’d told Anne that he didn’t want to pre-judge me and would not feel uncomfortable as long as I was OK. He did say that it might be strange though to dine with 3 ladies.

I wasn’t sure this was a good thing to do after I heard that. But I decided to try anyway. I doubted I could act like Chris even if I wanted to. I promised myself that I’d go out of my way to avoid embarrassing Anne’s husband.

I was really taken aback by Anne’s kindness and I felt speechless for once in my pseudo new life as Chrissy. I’d started to get a reputation as a chatterbox ( according to Anne) and the girls in the office wanted me to join them the next time they went out for a birthday lunch.

So at last I was to be included in the gang and each person would buy a small gift for the person whose birthday it was. It sounded like the next birthday was Kim’s the following week. It seemed like I was due to go shopping for a gift and the limit was 10 pounds.

Anne said she’d contact me to fix the dinner date when I knew for certain who would join me and she suggested it might be in two weeks time on a Saturday evening. I didn’t have to do anything except turn up. I should take advice on good manners.

After lunch we had time to call on the ladies floor where Anne helped me to buy some new underwear and some tights. She encouraged me to buy a black uplift bra and some really nice matching bra and panties sets in blue and in deep pink.

I was so excited that I didn’t remember the problem of my credit card until we were paying. Then I colored up and Anne asked what was wrong.

She gave the assistant her M&S charge card and then asked for an application form for me. We completed it and took it to the customer services counter to hand in. It was a friend of Anne’s so she had a word with her to avoid any embarrassment and they decided to register Chris Taylor as my spouse. They giggled together and said I should wear a wedding ring in future since the card would say Mrs. C Taylor.

I wished we could have spent the afternoon together shopping but we both had to get back to work. It was like a paradise in M&S and I had felt like I was in dreamland.

The afternoon whistled by and about 3-30pm I changed into some of the new underwear in the ladies bathroom so that I could go to my doctor’s appointment. Kate had offered to drive me that was really very kind but she said that she wanted to show her support and that I shouldn’t go alone. I accepted.

Now my next challenge as I approached the registration desk at the surgery there were 2 receptionists. Kate took my arm and urged me forward. The older lady asked me for my name and then looked over her spectacles when I told her my name. ‘Mr. Taylor? Mr. Christopher Taylor has the appointment. Who might you be miss?

Kate chipped in ‘She is Chris Taylor and this is the reason for the appointment. She needs medical advice from her GP.’

‘Oh well I’m not sure that this was explained. Please sit down whilst I call the doctor and have a word.’

We sat in the waiting room for 5 minutes before the lady came to see me and said that Dr Walker said it was OK since I wasn’t the first transsexual to attend his clinic. But I didn’t feel like a transsexual if indeed I knew what one was. I just felt awkward to be expected to be examined by a stranger..

Kate held my hand whilst we waited and then a message flashed up Ms C Taylor Room 3 Dr Walker. Kate gave me a push. ‘That’s you’. The receptionist looked across and smiled as I walked across to the exit door leading to the corridor to the surgeries.

Room 3 was towards the end next to the nurses room where I’d been before for injections. The nurse looked up and smiled as she saw me approaching but I’m sure she didn’t recognize me but I recognized her.
Dr Walker was looking at his notes as I entered and he asked me to sit down. I expected him to say something but he just clicked the mouse of his computer and said ‘Hello, now tell me what brings you to my surgery this fine afternoon.

Please tell me what has happened to you since last time you visited. That was for an infection according to our records.’

I didn’t speak so he looked up at me.

‘Well Christopher have you had some problems since according to your medical history there is no record of anything that might lead us to believe you have any hormonal deficiencies and I’ve received a letter from your mother explain that you are dressing as a girl and may wish to make this a permanent arrangement..’

‘Sorry Dr.Walker but I don’t know where to start or what to say.’

‘Well start by explaining why you felt it necessary to see me and if you have just the desire to dress like this or if your intention is to consider treatment or a magic cure.’
I explained everything that had happened and how I felt awkward as Chris and shy and unsociable. As Chrissy I felt more confident and I enjoyed to be alive.

He picked me up on this and asked if I had any feelings of depression or worries that might lead me to do something silly or stupid. Luckily I didn’t and he focused his attention towards quizzing me about my feelings towards women and other men and if I’d had any bad experiences whilst growing up, such as being molested.

I did explain that I always felt inferior since I wasn’t the strongest boy and I’d been one of the smallest in our school year. I’d tended to avoid the groups of boys and the sports games and kept myself to myself.

A few of the girls in my class even seemed stronger than me and had bigger muscles and deeper voices. Life didn’t seem fair to children and unless we were average or excelled at something we didn’t seem to fit in.

I told him that I’d grown my hair long when it was fashionable for boys to wear ponytails or to let their hair grow over their shoulders. I used to brush it every night and styled it occasionally with my parting in the centre just like a girls since I wanted to see if I was as nice as some children had said.

Quite a few people had commented about my more feminine features and I’d had some strange feelings whenever I heard this. I had also had two experiences that I’d liked but tried to dismiss. The first was when a school friend told me he used to dress in his sisters clothes and offered me the chance during the long summer break. I’d not been able to resist but I’d tried hard not to display any sign of enjoyment.

The second experience went on for quite a while. I used to stay at my friends house for the evening when I was about 14 years old whilst his parents went out to a local pub. He was heavy into masturbating that I hated and wanted to have sex with a girl but was too frightened.

So he encouraged me to play the part of a girl and gave me one of his mums nighties to wear. He’d almost penetrated me but there was nowhere for him to go. I’d tried to hide my pleasure but I’d really wanted him to find a way. We did this several times each weekend until he finally made love to this girlfriend.

Sad to say she became pregnant and they were married with four children the last time I heard. Mm that could have been me!

Then I recalled my first ever experience of excitement cross-dressing when my mum gave me a pair of Julies blue knickers to wear in a paddling pool on holiday when she’d forgotten to pack our costumes. I felt like one of the girls rather than one of the boys that day and stayed quietly with Julie listening to their chatter..

Then he asked if he could examine me and told me that he wanted his nurse to be in the room if that was OK. I blushed but nodded and he buzzed her.

I undressed behind a screen and put on a gown that he gave me and he then examined me whilst Nurse Harrison looked on. He commented about the soft tissue around my chest and asked if I’d noticed any changes.

I did have very tender nipples these days and realized that a bra had helped a lot. My boy shirts had caused my nipples to become erect sometimes that had been embarrassing in the office at work. I’d taken to wearing a T shirt and even strapped my chest to make it flat.

He lifted my gown and then commented that I wasn’t very well endowed and that my testicles hadn’t seemed to have formed properly. I felt embarrassed to be prodded and had no idea why I wasn’t as big as the other boys at school and why I hadn’t got a lot of pubic growth or hairs on my legs.

I wasn’t the only boy like this but I remember feeling that I wouldn’t like to be hairy and I might shave if necessary.

I did explain that I’d often wake with stiffness before I used the toilet and he asked me to provide a sample of urine. Luckily it wasn’t anything else since I didn’t think that would be very easy.

Then I had the usual blood tests and blood pressure test and blew into some device or other to demonstrate that my lungs were fine. He looked in my eyes and my ears and did a few more general tests before he allowed me to dress again.

He then asked if I intended to carry on dressing as Chrissy and said that this might cause problems. He offered to give me a letter to say that I was being treated for a medical condition and that I was living as a woman with the possibility of some sexual re-assignment after consultation and review. He said this would help if I was stopped by anybody if I used the female bathrooms.

I asked if I could use it as a reason to change my bank information and credit cards and he suggested I discuss with my bank.

He then asked me about my families reactions and I told him how supportive they’d been. He asked if I wanted to change my appearance or whether I was satisfied to stay as I was.
This was a big question. I did feel like I would like to be even more feminine in my appearance and instead of hiding my man boobs now I’d prefer them to be larger.

I’d really like to be as big as my sister in that department but I guess that I’d have to be very careful not to knock things over as I turned around. No I didn’t need to be so big but I would like to experience cuddling a baby and wondered how it might feel to feed and to be a mum myself. What was I thinking? I remember thinking ‘What’s wrong with me?’

I’d advised about my appointment with a specialist so Dr Walker asked me to make an appointment to meet him afterwards in about one weeks time after I’d talked things through. I didn’t seem to have much choice.

So I left with the letter and Kate was waiting and smiled and held my hand.. I’m not sure what the ladies on reception thought as I made another appointment and they did ask Kate if she was my partner.

She just smiled and said. ‘No dear, no such luck. Maybe one day.’

To be continued……