At last ‘A life’
By Julie D Cole
Chapter 51 A family chat

I didn’t say anything else for a while and soon as I stared out of the bus window I saw that we were approaching our destination.

Neither of us seemed to want to ask the next question but eventually as we reached Grans’ front door I turned to mum.

‘Mum my dad is my real dad isn’t he?’ She paused to search for the door key and passed it to me to unlock the door.

‘Yes dear he is. I realized today that you knew. Did he tell you when you met him’
‘No mum he didn’t. It’s just my conclusion based upon what I’ve found out this last week It seemed strange to me that he registered me as the father because I could never imagine that dad would do anything that wasn’t legal. When I met Darren Harper I couldn’t see any resemblance to me and yet I have some of dads features. Everybody says I look like Aunt Judith, including you and particularly Gran. It seems as if dad and your sister had an affair. Is that true? Mum I’m sorry if that is the case since it must have hurt you so much.’

‘Let’s go inside the doorstep is no place to talk.’

Mum shouted to let Gran know we weren’t intruders although her neighbor also had a key and often popped around. She was sitting in her chair watching an antiques programme and she turned the volume down and greeted us. I couldn’t believe the improvement in her appearance. It seemed like she was 10 years younger and she was smiling.

She said to me ‘Oh Chris you look very nice today and so very smart. I can’t believe it’s you. How nice of you to come with your mum.’

She took hold of my hand and pulled a stool to the side of her chair asking me to sit with her. Mum was fussing after gran trying to make her sit down and tidying her cushions. She cleared away her tray and said she’d make us all a drink. Gran wouldn’t let go of my hand.

‘Oh Chris you do so look like Judith. Would you like to see for yourself? Pass me the mirror and open the sideboard drawer. There is a photo of Judith with your mum and another when she received her university degree.’

I found the photos and could see that whilst mum had long hair to her shoulders in those days aunt Judith had fairly short almost black hair. She had boyish features but her make up was immaculate. Mum on the other hand had no make up with long auburn hair to her shoulders. Judith was a little bit taller yet very slim. I felt quite proud to be likened to her.’

‘See Chris, take the mirror and just look. It’s just like Judith has come back to life. Oh Chris you are the image of her.’

Mum came in with some tea and smiled at us sitting together. I suppose it had taken all these years for Gran to finally accept me and now I had an idea of the reasons why it might have been difficult.’

Gran beckoned mum to her side and held hands with us both. ‘Family re-united at last.’ Oh Jennifer it’s made me so happy. I feel like I’ve woken from a long nightmare.’
Mum gave Gran a hug and a kiss and I let them have time together and made an excuse to use the bathroom.

I freshened my make up and looked at myself in the mirror. I could see the resemblance to Judith and it was understandable now. I put my hair back behind my ears and then brushed it and lifted it a little since it had flattened during the day. I too still had a boyish look but yet most people took me for a girl. I was older than Judith had been in the photos and yet I still had a very young face and rarely had to shave.

It seemed like I shaved much less now than a few weeks ago and I wondered if that had just been male ego rather than necessity. I much preferred to use soft creams than pre and post shave lotions. I tried to re-create the look of Aunt Judith and used more eye shadow and a slightly deeper lipstick shade. I liked it that I should be thought to look like a person who was so attractive even though I had felt a geek all my life.

Mum poured tea and we sat down. I sat on the stool again and Gran was still holding the photos.

Then mum said that she’d just told Gran we’d been talking about Judith and dad and that I knew Judith was my birth mum and that I’d met up with Darren Harper and dad in Manchester. She said that we should carry on the conversation later since it was a lot for Gran to take in and that it was bringing back memories. I said that I hoped we could talk more about Judith so that I could find out more about her. Mum acknowledged and whispered to be a little patient and let Gran come to terms with the information..

Gran didn’t raise the subject she just looked at me and said. ‘I was lucky to have two very beautiful and loving daughters. I was very happy watching them grow up together.I have been so proud of them and it was devastating news when the police came to tell her that Judith had been involved in an accident.’

All she’d said was what about Jennifer, where is she. Mum of course was at the crash scene and was deeply shocked but recovered enough to go in the ambulance to the hospital. Her friends had rung dad.and he had picked up Gran and taken her to the hospital.’

Gran sighed a little and squeezed my hand again. ‘ I feel so sad that we lost Judith and I never knew what was going on that night at the hospital. It was all a blurr.’ ‘She was in her prime but she became infatuated by her tutor at university that caused us to argue. Whilst he was a wonderful man he was married and yet when I saw them together I could understand why they loved each other. Then she told me that they’d fallen out and that she’d met someone else and finally she told me that she was pregnant.’

I couldn’t say anything so I waited whilst Gran spoke again.

‘I was really angry and asked if she’d been careless or had she done it on purpose. She would only tell me that it was not Darrens baby so I’d said Thank God for That so you don’t have to ruin his marriage.’

‘Then she said that she still loved Darren but he wouldn’t break his marriage and leave but he kept calling her. I pushed and pushed to find out about this other man that she’d met but she kept saying she wouldn’t tell me. I got so angry with her because she was stubborn like her father and I called her some names that I never meant.’

Mum tried to calm the situation a little and said that she’d also tried to find out when Judith told her that same night but wouldn’t tell her either. ’

I said ‘But mum you said you knew.’

‘Yes I found out later.’

Gran started talking again ‘Jennifer you have been so wonderful and you’ve made me especially proud. You always took care of Judith and she adored you. She did well at school and through University because of your support and encouragement. She never had to find spare time jobs like you did and you had set your heart on marriage and a family whereas she wanted to travel. She’d wanted to work overseas and tried to persuade Darren to go with her.’

‘Mum she never would have gone permanently she just wanted to explore. Then Julie was the same and just look she satisfied her itch and has come back. Family is important and as she says she never appreciated England so much until she left and then came back.’
‘You gave up a lot Jennifer and you took care of me through my breakdown and all my guilt and after your dad died of a broken heart. We all loved you dearly.’

Gran turned to me again and said ‘Chris, oh how I wish that this tragedy never happened. You should have been born to know your real mum as well as Jennifer. I’m so sorry it had such an effect on us all. I missed a lot of time with you and Julie these last years as you grew up. I should not have failed Judith like I did and I should have been supportive to her and then to you.’

After a pause she carried on ‘ She was taken so tragically and I will never forgive myself that my argument with her could have been the reason why she was in that car that night. It meant our last words were angry words as she slammed the door. She said that she hated me.’

Mum interrupted and said ‘No mum she didn’t hate you. She was just frustrated that you couldn’t accept that she loved Darren and she couldn’t help falling in love with him.’
Grans face was sad and then it brightened again as she looked at us both. ‘But then I look at you and I give thanks to God that whilst I lost a daughter I have found a grand daughter. A very beautiful grand-daughter who reminds me so much of Judith.’

It was strange that already Gran didn’t associate me with Chris her nephew. It was like I hadn’t existed. I wondered if we could have had this conversation if I hadn’t started dressing as Chrissy.’

I just felt comfortable like this with mum and Gran and I wanted to make them happy and for the family to be together. I wanted dad and Julie to be here with us and to try to mend th broken bridges. I wanted to talk about him as well and to find out more about what happened on the night that Judith died and afterwards as mum and he were married and brought me up.

‘Chris you have a wonderful mum. You were so lucky that Jennifer came to terms with the accidents and the difficulties better than me. She just accepted the situation and carried on. She loved Jennifer and so she naturally loved you and took care of you as her own. She is true sister to Jennifer for as long as she lives and the best daughter that a mum could ever have. One day I hope you will have a daughter too to see how I feel.’

What a strange feeling it gave me. What did she mean? I was sure she was considering me her grand-daughter and she made me feel like her grand-daughter. I liked it and I wanted it to be true. I never had that thought until now. I wanted to be a girl right now and I liked these changes that were occurring. I didn’t want to go back to being plain old Chris. My life was changing and my feelings were different. My family accepted me and at work I’d been offered promotion as Chrissy and made friends. My sister was closer to me and I had a special friend in Sally. Then there was James waiting to hear from me who had treated me as Chrissy right from the moment we met and I liked it. I felt like a girl and I liked it. It felt like I had a life especially as we sat together and talked and I could reflect on nice things.’.

I smiled at Gran and looked at mum. ‘Gran it would be the sweetest thing if I was lucky enough to have a daughter and if I do she will be called Judith.’

By this time Mum had tears in her eyes and Gran gripped my hand and said ‘You sweet young thing, please do.’

Then we all jumped. My mobile phone rang and I reached for my bag. It was Sally just checking that we were OK and saying she’d see me at home and was going out for drinks. I wanted to tell her everything so I just said, ‘OK but don’t be late.’

Then she said she loved me and sent me a kiss.
.
We jumped again because the doorbell rang. I answered it knowing who it would be. It was Julie. She’d just arrived in time so that I could update her quickly so she could join the conversation and I wanted her to know everything first hand.

As I opened the door she said, ‘Hi Sis, you have the biggest smile. What’s happened. Have you won the lottery?’

‘No better than that, I’ve had a wonderful day. I’m alive and I feel wonderful. Julie I love you so much. You are the best sister in all the world.’

‘OK OK Chrissy, just because I brought you some pizza I suppose, You don’t have to get so mushy because I think of your stomach. You can pay for them if you like.’

…….…….shall I continue or is it a Life at Last?