At last ‘A life’
By Julie D Cole
Chapter 37

‘Mum what did it say that caused you to faint?’

‘It was a letter from Judith saying how much she loved him but how she didn’t expect him to leave his wife and family for her because she didn’t deserve him.’

‘Why?’

‘Because she’d fallen pregnant through her carelessness and that she was going to have to learn to fend for herself since he had an important career that she didn’t wish to spoil, but also that he had a wife and 2 children who he needed to look after’

‘But mum he should still be responsible for her and to take of her. Why did she say this to him because it was his responsibility.’

‘No Chrissy it turned out that might not have been quite true.’

‘Why?’

‘Because she wasn’t sure that he was the father since she’d slept with another man and they’d not taken any precautions just as Professor Harper hadn’t sometimes.’

‘But mum who did she think the father was?’

Mum held my hand and looked into my eyes and said in a very quiet voice ‘She told him that she had slept with your father and that she felt that it was him who had made her pregnant.’

‘Dad…are you saying that dad is my dad?’ ‘Mum was it true?’

Before she had chance to answer Julie came through the kitchen door and she asked what we were discussing since our faces were so serious.

I said that our mum had just told me who my father was, well at least who Judith thought the father was.’

‘Who was it tell me?

‘It was dad.’

What do you mean? Are you joking with me? How could that have been?’

Then mum relayed the story again and Julie sat quietly before holding mum and saying ‘Mum how awful for you to hear that news so soon after Judith died.’ ‘You must have been devastated and no wonder you collapsed.

Who took care of you? Did you have a heart attack?

‘No Chrissy I didn’t I’d just fainted that I suppose was hyper-tension or panic.’

‘I came around and Darren was holding my head up and gave me some sips of water.

‘So what else did the letter say, anything?’.

‘Julie mum has just fainted here and all you are interested in is what the letter said’.

‘Hum I’m sorry but what did it say?’

‘Most of it was related to her love for him and her guilt for what she’d done. She said that she had to tell me before the wedding or she’d never forgive herself.

Darren picked me up and helped me to the sofa. We sat and talked for ages and then I decided to wake you and let him hold you. He was very happy to see your little smiling face and tears were in his eyes.’

Mum said that he’d calmed her right down and he told her that he’d met with Judith after he received the letter. He said that he was concerned that this would cause trouble between them both and he wanted to avoid it at all costs.

He told mum that after his talk with Judith she couldn’t be certain that dad was the father and it seemed like she wanted it to be the case.

Julie asked ‘Didn’t they have some tests done.?’ .

Mum said that at the time this wasn’t high on Judiths priority list since she was pretty sure but she also needed to tell Gran that she was pregnant. Anyway mum said that tests weren’t so common place or conclusive in those days.

‘But mum surely she needed to know for sure , this was dad and you that were being affected. You were getting married.’’

Mum said that she’d felt Judith always had a special feeling for dad and maybe she didn’t want to know in case it was Darren. For mum it was bad enough to think that Judith and dad had been unfaithful to her without thinking he’d made her pregnant.

Julie then asked mum what happened next. The conversation stopped because I heard you crying so I went to pick you up. ‘When I looked at you I just thought you were the one good thing that came out of this awful situation and maybe you’d survived as a blessing to us all.’

I remember thinking that it would be better if dad was your dad instead of Darren since it made us all a family.Then you stopped crying and I laid you back down and I looked at you and I thought about Judith. Then I just knelt and prayed at the side of your cot and I promised Judith in my prayer that I would love you forever and whatever happened I would try to hang on to my relationship with your dad for both your sakes.’ I took you downstairs and handed you to Darren.

What about dad.‘Did he know?’

‘No I am sure that he never knew at that point and Darren said he had no intention of telling him.As he held you in his arms and said that he would never forget mum as long as he lived. Then he promised to me that he would try to do something to ensure that you were always comfortable.’

‘What do you mean mum?

‘Well one thing he did was to set up a bank account for you and that it was a nest egg for you to cover any costs such as private education or your wedding day.’

‘But mum I didn’t want to go to private school. Is that why you were always trying to push me to go to St Mary’s?’

‘Yes it was but I never told you.’

I said ‘Mum was this the cause of the problems between you and dad? Is this why you argued and fell out and why he left us?’

‘Yes and no.’

‘What do you mean?’.

Mum went quiet and started to make breakfast as she talked and Julie and I helped.

It was nice to look at the sun shining in the garden and the weather was getting warmer. Somehow the initial shock was wearing off and I was sure that dad must be my dad and I really wanted that so that I could be a sister to Julie rather than a cousin.

Mum then told us that Darren Harper gave her the letter and she kept it for a while until one day she’d decided to tell Gran. Then she’d given it to her and she’d still got it.
Unfortunately it was a mistake to tell Gran because she couldn’t hide her feelings and she confronted your dad eventually calling him names.

Your dad was speechless and it meant that we hardly visited Gran much after that. She couldn’t accept you because of the infidelity that had taken place even though you were Judiths baby boy. That’s why we hardly visited.

‘Gran couldn’t accept that Judith had done anything wrong and by rejecting dad and you she seemed to be able to live with it.’

‘Mum do you mind if we go back to Grans house later since I’d like to look in Aunt Judiths room. Now I think that I have the right to look and in fact more right than anybody’
OK Chrissy lets get breakfast served whilst you wake Sally and we’ll go around later if Julie doesn’t mind taking us.

Over breakfast Sally got another update and she said that she hardly dare go to bed again because she missed everything. I brought a few smiles.

I told mum that I wanted to be alone at Grans and so the plans were changed. Sally stayed back and mum and Julie dropped me at Grans and carried on to see her.

As I went upstairs I felt a strange feeling coming over me. I felt a shiver of cold down my back and my legs were weak so I sat on Aunt Judith/mums bed and looked around the room.
It was as if she was still alive and living in the house since Gran was keeping everything spick and span and changing the bedding, towels and Aunt Judiths dressing gown was folded neatly at the end of her bed.

I lay down and looked up at the ceiling hardly daring to put my head on the pillow.
Then I felt something under the pillow and sat up to see what it was.

As I lifted the pillow I found a desk diary that I opened. It was Aunt Judiths day journal.It was as if she’d secured it there out of sight to write in when she came back.
I scanned the pages and reached the last entry.

Then my phone bleeped with a message and I jumped out of my skin. It was Jessica!

Grrrr.

To be continued……….