Echoes of the Past 4
Being a mother is the best thing in the world, but nothing prepares you for it
What do you do when your son is different from other boys?
What do you do when he does not want to be older?
What do you do when he does not want to be a boy?
What do you do when he says you are not his mother?

Jordan always surprised me. Now she wanted us to call her Rosie. I figured this was the name that she wanted to be known to distance herself from the name she had as a boy. Rosies (I should start calling her by that name as this was her wish) Big sister smiled and said that Rosie was a sweet name. I smiled as well and told her that we could respect her wish. I also told her not to be sad if we sometimes called her Jordan as we have been doing this for 11 years.

While her sister and I could accept the new name, my husband did not. He was angry and now refused to speak with Rosie.
" Can you not see there is no end to this nonsense?" he said
" What do you mean?"
" He was born a boy and wanted us to accept he is a girl. He wanted us to accept that he was reincarnated. He then started acting like a baby toddler girl and still does this. Now he wants us to call him another name. What will be next, that thinks he was kidnapped by aliens or he wants us to consider him a dog?"
" Why do you not try to understand Rosie? She is a girl! She thinks like one, acts like one and looks like one. Why do you not love her for the way she is and not what you want her to be?"
" We are his parents and we are supposed to guide him and tell him what is right and wrong. All this is so wrong! You are just mother cuddling him and letting him go deeper into this hole of unreality. You need to be more strict and not so soft!"
"That will not happen. Have you considered that Rosie has been so depressed lately? She has been bullied and teased at school. This could be the reason why she has regressed and started acting like a toddler. She cannot help the way she feels and she is very honest and brave in showing the world who she is. We need to support her and let her express herself. If this means being a girl that wants to be called Rosie, then we must embrace it. We also need to consider a new school where she is not bullied. I am sure this will make Rosie happier and not need to find safety and comfort by acting like a toddler."

My husband snapped and said he would not send Rosie to a private school. He now refused to speak with Rosie or even me. He refused to be in the same room as us. I could understand some things that he said. Was Rosie transgender because being a rainbow child was the fad? Was the pride movement confusing my child? Did Rosie have a problem with reality and fantasy? Children did not come with a manual and I did not know what to do. All I knew was that my husband's approach to punishment and not speaking with Rosie was the wrong approach.

It was my oldest child that gave me the best advice. She was not blind and knew that my husband and I have been fighting and that my husband was isolating himself from the family. Emma told me that she loved Rosie...
"It takes courage," she said, "Rosie could have just been silent and not told anyone that she was a girl. She could have been silent about thinking she is reincarnated. She told us and this has given her lots of problems. The school has been hell for her. Her own father and mother are fighting and she thinks it's her fault. Dad hardly even speaks with her anymore."
"I know all this," I replied. "I love both my children, At times, I feel powerless and confused and do not know what to do"
"Think of what Rosie is feeling. Listen to her and do not judge her. When Rosie told me she wanted to be called Rosie, she told me. I did not say a lot but she was happy
that she could open her heart to me and I listened. She needs a parent that will also listen to her and be there for her. She needs unconditional love!"

It was a bit embarrassing my daughter had to tell me to get my act together. I could see that I was thinking of my own feelings and the confusion was based on Rosie's behaviour versus social norms and religious doctrine. The psychologist tried telling me what to do and now my daughter. Rosie needed a mother that would listen. Listening is a talent that most people do not have and can help with so many problems. Rosie did not need a mother that was worried or confused about what action to take. She needed a mother that would listen and understand her and accept her.

I went to Rosie's bedroom and asked her why did she pick that name? Rosie told me that it was the name she had in her previous life. She remembered her parents and she remembered where she lived. She remembered that she was studying at university. She also remembered many things that she was taught in school in her previous life. All this made me ask her if she considered us our family. Rosie hugged me and told me not to be foolish. I was her mother now and she loved me. Imagine what would happen if she met her mother in her previous life. She would not believe in reincarnation and would think that this was a cruel trick. Rosie told me that she now had a new life and she would live this life as best as she could. It was hard for her at school and she had no friends. She smiled and said she was happy that she was allowed to be a girl and had a mother and sister that loved her.

I tried telling her that her Dad loves her and would accept her in time. Rosie shrugged her shoulders and said, "All Dads are the same. I do not need them"

I took Rosie and Emma on a shopping trip. I loved these trips as we could shop and have a good time. This trip was different. As we were walking through the mall, Rosie suddenly stood and looked very pale. Then she ran up to an old woman and hugged her. Rosie was now crying and calling the old woman her mother. I panicked once again and tried explaining to the woman that Rosie believes that she was her previous mother. The old woman was silent for a while and then asked if my daughter's name was Rosie.

The old man that was with the old woman told Rosie to leave them alone. Rosie looked at him and suddenly looked very mad. She told the man that he was not to talk to her. Rosie said that the old man murdered her. She did not want to talk with him! The man went very pale and in fact we just all stood there and were trying to think what we should say. I finally told Rosie that we should leave these two people alone and do some shopping. Before we left these people, the old woman put a piece of paper in my hand and told me to ring her.

It was her telephone number.

On the way home, Rosie was very quiet. I told Rosie that the old woman gave me her telephone number and I would ring her and ask if we can visit her. Rosie cheered up and even told her father when we came home. I had to explain to him what happened.

Later, when my husband was alone, he told me how could I have let Rosie embarrass our family by hugging a strange woman. I tried explaining the whole situation to him. The response from my husband shocked and saddened me. He started talking about how ashamed he was of Rosie. This was the last draw. I told my husband to pack his bags and leave the house. I no longer wanted him in my or my children's lives. After a lot of shouting and arguing, he finally did pack his bags. I told him it was either I left with the children or he left.

For the next few weeks, I was dealing with the separation. I knew that it would end in divorce. This was hard for me. I still loved my husband and he was the love of my life. At the same time, I did not want his negativity to make things worse for my children. He should not be around a child that he was ashamed of. Rosie did not need to know this. The fact is that after my husband left, Rosie was smiling more. She still acted like a toddler, but at least she was smiling again!

I visited the old woman while her husband was out of the house. She told me the reason why she was surprised my daughter's name was Rosie...
"You see," she explained, "my daughter's name was also Rosie. Your daughter reminded me so much of her. She was such a nice child and made everyone around her happy. She would light up the room with her smile and charm. We had a happy family. When Rosie was 18 years old, she wanted to study to be a teacher. She wanted to help children. We were so proud. She had a boyfriend that my husband did not like because he was a refugee from the Middle East. It saddened me that Rosie had no choice but to announce she would be living with him. She never did move in with her boyfriend. A week before she was supposed to move, she disappeared. We have not heard from her since. This was 14 years ago. I always hoped she just moved far away from us to have a peaceful life but everyone thinks she was murdered."

She showed me a picture of her Rose. She looked so similar to my daughter. I told her everything about Rosie from being transgendered to saying that she was reincarnated. The old woman said this was so bizarre. She did not know what to believe. She did ask me if Rosie could visit her. I agreed and said it would make my daughter so happy.

I did some research on this woman's daughter. Everything was true to what she said. Her daughter never was found. This made me think. I asked Rosie did she know where she was buried in her previous life. Rosie nodded and told me that she knew where and she knew who murdered her. She asked me if she could visit the place. After I thought about it for some days, I agreed to do it and suggested that we should tell the police.

Of course, we did not tell the police that Rosie thought she was reincarnated. Rosie showed me where she was buried in her previous life. It was in some woods and there was no sign that anyone was buried there. Yet I visited the police and told them that I suspected a body was there. The police and I went to the spot. I did not want Rosie there as she was still a child. After some time, the police did find a body buried. The body was identified as the old ladies missing daughter. This shocked me. Could Rosie in fact be reincarnated? It would explain everything

I told the police that they should investigate the old woman's husband. I was hoping they would not ask me how I knew this. They would never believe that Rosie told me that her dad in her previous life killed her. As it turns out, Rosie was right again. When the police interviewed the old woman's husband, he confessed to murdering his daughter. He did it in a rage because she insisted on moving in with her husband

So what about now? I am a divorced woman. We have no contact with my ex-husband. He has a new wife. I do believe that Rosie was reincarnated. It explains why she felt like a girl all along and could point out where she was murdered in her previous life. I have enrolled her in another school and she is very happy there. Since Rosie started at the new school, she made new friends that know she is transgender. Rosie even stopped acting like a toddler although she still does wet the bed. On top of all this, we visit the old woman every week. Her husband is now in jail. Rosie calls her grandmother, otherwise, she says it gets too confusing. We are planning that the old lady will move in with us and be officially part of our family... a grandmother for Rosie and Emma and a mother for me.

Life is strange and unpredictable. I have learned that love and understanding and respect are the answer to many problems.

The End