Echoes of the Past 2
Being a mother is the best thing in the world, but nothing prepares you for it
What do you do when your son is different from other boys?
What do you do when he does not want to be older?
What do you do when he does not want to be a boy?
What do you do when he says you are not his mother?

So our son just told us that he was a girl. There was silence around the table just trying to take this in. The first to speak was my daughter that said it was cool to have a sister. Then my husband screamed at Jordan, "God does not make mistakes. You were born a boy and this can never change! You are not a girl. You are becoming a fairy sissy and a gay boy. This is something I would not allow!"

I could hear Jordan crying in his room. When I went up to him, he insisted that he was not a sissy. He was a girl. Why could we not see this? Why could we not accept this? I did not know what to say. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. We would find a solution and he should not worry. This was a weak answer but I was so confused. I wanted the best for Jordan but did not know what this was. I did not know what to tell him.

My husband invited the priest over the next day and told him that Jordan thought he was a girl. The priest sighed and said, "The children today are confused. The boundary between right and wrong is very blurry. There are so many people trying to influence children. Look at the media! Look how celebrities act and dress. Let's not mention that the LGBT movement is forcing its ideas on our youth. How many towns now have a pride parade? Your son has been bombarded with this propaganda and was brainwashed by them!"

Of course, my husband believed in everything the priest said. This made my husband think now was the time to act. Over the next few weeks, he forced Jordan to do every masculine activity he could think of. They played sports, went fishing, went to car rallies and bought Jordan toys like toy guns and footballs. This did not help. Jordan hated it. He started to isolate himself more in the room and was very quiet. My son that was always smiling and energetic was now a shell of himself. It was breaking my heart. I knew what the problem was. Jordan thought that he was a girl. His father would never accept this.

As a mother, I had to make sure that Jordan was happy. I knew nothing about transgender children. To be honest, I always thought that it was a strange concept. It was something that dysfunctional families experienced in big cities. Children must have been confused about their gender because of the influence of the media or parents. This was what I thought until now. I was wrong. When Jordan said that he was a girl, I knew that it was from his heart.

My son did not need to be forced to do boy activities. He did not need to be judged or punished. I took Jordan to a specialist for children with gender identity problems. She was a nice woman that asked Jordan everything from what colours he likes, what clothes he likes and what toys. She even asked what films he liked. It was not so much what he liked what she was interested in. She was more interested in why he liked them and what they made him feel. Jordan was smiling after we visited her. He thought that she was a nice woman who listened to him.

We went to her a few times and then she gave her conclusion, "Jordan is not sick nor does Jordan have any mental problems. Jordan feels that she is a girl born with the wrong body. Jordan is not alone in these thoughts. There are two choices you can make. You can tell Jordan that he is a boy and forget how he feels. This could cause many problems and end with depression and much worse. You can also accept Jordan as your daughter and let him live the life that makes him happy. There are medical things we can do to stop the male hormones and he can get female hormones. There is something you should remember. This is not easy for Jordan. It will not be easy for her. Will people accept her or ridicule her? What would happen at school? The most important thing is that she still feels her family loves her."

She was calling my son "she.". I had a lot to think about. Did I want my son to be my daughter? How would he be treated at school? Will others think that he was a freak? What would my husband say? The fact is that it did not matter what I thought. It was important that Jordan was happy and could be the person he wanted to be. It made no difference what body Jordan had or what society expected of him. I wanted Jordan to start smiling again and enjoying life.

I sat down with my family one night and told them what the specialist said. Then I said that it was important that we supported Jordan. Jordan felt as if he was a girl and this was the way we would treat her. I was proud of myself when I used the word "her". Jordan came and gave me a hug and said that she was so happy. I told her that she could use her sister's old clothes until she got her own. You can see that I was now calling Jordan by the female pronouns. While the whole thing seemed strange to me and bizarre and hoping that I was not making a huge mistake, the smile on Jordan's face told me that this was the right thing to do.

My husband did not think so. He remained quiet when I told the family of the changes. When we were alone, he let his feelings out...

"I was so happy when Jordan was born," he said, "I love Emma and she is my princess. With Jordan, I dreamt that we would play football, fix cars and bond as father and son doing male things. What happened to my dream? I now have a son that is a sissy and will end up being gay. I have a rainbow child that will end up as a drag queen. Why did we not decide this together?"

"Because you are thinking of yourself and your needs. We need to think of Jordan and how she feels. We need her to feel happy."

"Stop using the word she"

"Jordan is our daughter now and we must accept this and support her. She will be judged enough at school and by others. Let's show her that her family loves her!"

My husband did not argue any further. It was obvious that he did not accept that Jordan was now his daughter. He hardly spoke with her. Jordan did not seem to care. She was happy once again and this is what matters. We started giving her puberty blockers to stop the male hormones and she was taking female hormone tablets. This was a hard decision as I wondered if could harm her if she suddenly decided that she was a boy again. For the time being, Jordan was delighted that she would slowly have a body that looked more feminine.

It was like seeing a person being reborn and experiencing new things. My new daughter loved fashion and loved looking pretty. Emma taught her how to do her hair. Jordan loved when her hair was in braids. The only thing that Jordan said no to was make-up and heels. This was probably good as who wants to grow up too quick? Jordan made a good girl. She was always happy and chirpy and lit any room that she came in. Despite the opposition from my husband, our family was once again a happy family.

My husband did do his best to change my mind. He invited the priest over and I had to listen to him talk that what we were doing was wrong. "You are corrupting your son by letting the media and the immoral pressure groups corrupt him. There is a trend today that one has to be politically correct and this means that thinking that being gay or a sissy is the norm. It is not right. It is against God's plan"

I retorted by telling him that the Bible also says not to judge.

Jordan was mostly not bullied or teased at school. The others accepted that she was now a girl. We could learn so much from children. They could see that Jordan was no different from the way she always was. The difference now is that my daughter admitted that she was a girl. While some of the older boys did tease Jordan, her friends remained friends and supported her in every way they could.

One would think that this would be the biggest challenge I had as a mother. This was not the case. Just before Jordan turned 11 years old, she started drawing the strangest drawings. It was not the drawings you expect from a girl. The drawings were morbid and scary. They were pictures of knives and dead bodies and a lot of blood. I know that some people say that drawings have a meaning, but I never believed in this. However, now I was beginning to ask myself why Jordan was suddenly drawing these scary pictures. When I asked her, she said it was just some images in her mind.

My husband told me not to worry. He asked did I expect Jordan to be drawing rainbows and unicorns all the time. "These drawings show that Jordan is still thinking like a boy.". When he said this, I just rolled my eyes. I knew that my husband would never accept that Jordan was transgender. It would take him time to accept this. What I could not understand is that it seemed as if he no longer loved Jordan. They never spoke together and never even smiled at each other. I would imagine could see the change in the way her Dad thought of her, and this must be so hard for a child.

I know mothers worried a lot about their children. The funny thing is that I hardly ever worry about Emma. She was so reasonable and never seemed to have worries or problems. She was now a teenager and was mostly a happy girl. She never complained or was depressed. This should have worried me in a way. No teen could be that happy and never have problems. I suppose I used all my energy to worry about Jordan.

I thought that there could be no more shocks and challenges Jordan could give us. How many parents can say that their son now lives as a girl, wets the bed and draws the strangest things? All this may have made Jordan's dad love her less. This was not the case for me. I loved Jordan and wanted her to be safe and happy and feel respected and loved. My challenges were nothing compared to what other children experienced, like having a sickness or being addicted to drugs or even worse.

Jordan was still wetting the bed. She was now having nightmares. I would hear her crying and screaming. When I went to Jordan, she would be in a panic and ask me where her mother was. I would tell her that I was there. This seemed to work for a few nights until she told me that I was not her mother. Despite that this hurt like a knife in my heart, I thought it was just something she said half asleep. This was not the case. One day when I asked her about it, she told me that I was not her real mother.

There was something wrong with Jordan. She started to regress more and more. At first, she started sucking her thumb and then started using a pacifier that she found. She started carrying one of her stuffies all the time. She even asked to sleep in her old cot. My husband was very mad when I agreed to this. I was confused and depressed. Jordan no longer considered me as her mom and she was acting more and more like a toddler every day. What mother would not be worried? I tried to do things with Jordan and Emma like baking and shopping. I hoped that family activities would make things better. My husband did not participate, maybe that was good. Jordan was acting as if she was more and more afraid of her father.

One day Jordan's teacher wanted to speak with me. She told me that Jordan remembered her previous life before she was reincarnated as Jordon.

To be continued