My mom and I talked later about the gift card. Mom said, “The gift card is given not as an indication of what I hope or expect, but as support of you having permission to make a good decision.” I was moved and hugged my mother, ‘Thank you.’

The summer began uncomfortably as I backed off all medication twice and then once a week after July 4th. My changes were slow, and small things like my nipples itching bothered me. I was dressing more and more often as Lee. I was more comfortable with myself. But by July twentieth I got tired of not going to the ocean for summer vacation. Four of us were set on taking advantage of a warm but cloudy day.

It was to be heavily overcast all day with a chance of a shower. I showered and dressed as Lela even wearing a girl’s bathing suit. My nipples were too pronounced for me as Lee. We got to the beach by ten o’clock and were soon swimming. It was 1:00 p.m. when Jane asked, “What did you use as a sunblock?”

I pulled out the tube of lotion I used and Jane clasped her hands against her hips. “No wonder; it’s rated at 15 at best and your tube expired last year.” She asked, "Did you reapply it after being in the water?” Unfortunately, that is not my habit; I’m usually comfortable getting a little tan. I wasn’t thinking like I should with the swimsuit I was wearing.

Our friends Marcy, as well as Chase, were with us; Chase said, “It looks like it will be me and three girls the rest of the day.”

Marcy said, “He could be Lee tonight on the boardwalk. A good tee shirt will cover him properly. If we find a dance it can be him and Jane, Chase and me.”

Chase laughed, “I wouldn’t mind going to a dance with the three of you girls.”

I felt sorry for myself as I now had both a girl’s tan as well as puffy breasts to live with for a week or more. I was so despondent that we left the beach and went home shortly after the boardwalk lit up.

Sunday morning, my mom woke Greg and me up to go to church; she woke me up a half hour earlier. “Decide whether you’re going as Lee or Lela and get ready for church.”

I complained that I wasn’t comfortable with either going to our church. Mom said, “That’s why we’re going to our other church. They will likely be understanding and comfortable seeing you as Lee as well as Lela.”

‘Hmm, going to church as Lee even though my girly side might show?’ The idea struck me. While LGBT attendees make up 10-25% of the worshipers on a given Sunday; I would be accepted. I haven’t attended there as Lee yet, but it was about time and I wasn’t arguing.

I wore a tube top under my shirt which covered most of the tan that showed strap areas. Greg protested that he didn’t want to be with me if I was identified as Lela. Mom said, “Greg get over it; you need to become at peace with Lee’s dual identity.”

We went to the more contemporary of the two worship services and Greg liked that. Being the younger brother, he enjoyed it when Debbie and a few other girls came over to visit after the church service.

Two younger girls made their presence known to Greg, which gave me a chance to visit away from him. Debbie took the opportunity to ask if my breasts had returned to normal. When I hesitated in answering; she said, “You need not lie, close observation says, you’re still wearing a tube top or wrapping to hide the fact you’re not quite there yet.” She did say, “You know, if you could maintain where you are, it would be ideal for both personifications. I would like to get to know you better as Lee, as Lela’s the one I already identify with.

We talked about a dance the coming Saturday but made no decisions. I’m torn between my relationships with Jane and Debbie.

Once we were home I seek to visit alone with my Mom. Greg is comfortable as he’s soon going over to a guy’s house for them to do some gaming.

“Mom, I’m confused and need to talk to you. I enjoy more my time visiting with Debbie or Jane, but especially with Lela, it is hard for me to change from one to the other. It is like Deb and Jane expect me to talk and converse more as a regular girl who is used to talking and carrying on more than one conversation at a time.”

Mom spoke up, “It’s not so confusing to me. Jane knows you as Lee better and knows your quiet side more. When they see you as Lela, they’re expecting you to be conversing more as most girls do. Even a shier girl often talks more than a normal boy.”

“But Mom, Jane, and Deb both compliment me as a better listener than most of the guys.”

Mom has a light smile, “That’s half of the relationship as a girl. They’re interested in what you’re thinking and have to say. It’s kind of a compliment that they expect or want you to talk more as one of the friends.” Mom encourages me to sit as we visit, which means a longer conversation; where I was wanting a quick and short reply.

“Lee, you have a good mind, all you need to do is to think through things more, maybe read and pay attention to styles, fashion, friends, and those popular in the news and be willing to talk about them. Have you read more romance novels? You’re better acquainted with fashion, and hair, and more observant than you used to be. Verbalizing that and getting comfortable conversing with people more should be exciting. Don’t be so self-conscious, or afraid to give your opinion.”

“But what if what I say is wrong,” I asked.

Mom messes my hair, “Opinions, are what you think; they’re neither right nor wrong. That’s one of the things Jane has liked that you’re comfortable being yourself. It is now you who has noticed that you were quieter than the others.”

I said, “Not quite true, both Jane and Debbie are trying to pull me more into the conversations. I like being a girl, but I’m not into talking as much as they do yet.”

Mom said, “There you put your finger on part of your answer. You’re not there ‘yet’. It took you time getting used to wearing girl clothing; give yourself time to grow as a girl in socializing as Lela.” She paused, “It is something you are interested in doing, aren’t you?”

“Mom, Debbie commented that where I am physically, still having breasts might be a good place to maintain my look. What do you think?”

Mom said, “It is not an easy answer, but it is something to pursue with your counselor Brian Riggs, and Dr. Heather Moore. Who do you have appointments coming up with?”

I said, “But school starts in just over a month from now. Can’t I just wait until then?”

Mom asks, “If you want to maintain where you’re at, waiting would be to decide by not making a decision. Is that what you want to do?”

“No, it’s not Mom, I think you’re guessing that. I want to remain, Lee, as you wish, but I want somehow to remain as Lela as well. I just think I should err on the side of not disappointing you and Dad.”

Mom says, “We know this is a crucial time for you, but it’s not about you disappointing us or you being who we expect. It is about you emerging as the best possible you.”

Mom’s posture and demeanor relaxed, “Do you realize, I didn’t quite observe the moment of the change? But you are dressed as Lee, but as we’ve been talking your voice and mannerisms have changed to that of Lela. Is that something, you intentionally did?”

I must have looked as shocked as she was, “Honey,” she said, “That is alright, I think subconsciously this is part of your speaking with me.”

I leaned forward to my mother and she hugged me; I was drained physically and emotionally. “Maybe you need to just lay down and relax. Put your head on a couch pillow and I’ll drape a blanket over you and you rest.”

I guess it was merely a minute or two and I was asleep.

Soon I was at school and it was the second week of school, Adam and Pete were with me and Jane. I was on the girls’ soccer team. I was in better shape as an athlete, and I could feel that my hips were different. Adam talked to Jane about going to the next dance. I was jealous, but I knew Jane was more interested in helping me to be a girl than she was personally interested in me as a girl.

I was upset and must have moved. I fell off the couch I had been asleep on and realized it was just a dream.

I soon called Jane and asked if we knew Pete and Adam.

She said, “They’re friends on the boys’ soccer team. Adam has asked if you’d be interested in being on the girls’ soccer team. Why are you interested? Would you be interested in going to the dance with Pete Santos?”

As I am talking I get a message that a P. Santos is calling.

Pete moved here when he was ten, and is a superb soccer player. His father is a businessman and his mother is a linguist specializing in Portuguese and Spanish into English or the other way.

I asked, “Are you a close friend of Adam?”

I could tell she caught her breath before answering. “I can’t lie to you; he’s given me more attention since you’ve been Lela. But his interest in you and soccer has been since he’s seen you running and getting into shape.” I wasn’t supposed to have heard it, but she said ‘Damn!’

I giggled and asked, “Are you still beating yourself up for taking me to Victoria's Secret?

She laughed back, “I still have you as my best friend, but Lucas was exclusively my boyfriend.” Jane was even less surprised than I was that I liked being Lela. “Plus now I am getting a call from Pete. Do I have you to thank for that?”

She asks, “Does that mean you might enjoy going with him to the dance?

I’m not answering that.” I said “I need to talk to you about the coming school year; trying to be both Lela and Lee is wearing on me and I was thinking… Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, but I was hoping we could meet up.”

Jane said, “You can do whatever you choose and have my support, but I think it would be better to be one or the other when you’re at school. Everyone already knows Lucas so that wouldn’t be a change there.”

I said, “But I’d like everyone to know me as Lela.”

Jane asked, “Does that mean you’re leaning to be Lela, or you’ve decided to be Lela, or that you’re still back at no decision?”

I said, “I want you to decide?”

Jane said, “I told you one or the other would be my choice, but the final decision is yours.” I sulked like a spoiled child, but I still couldn’t get her to suggest more.

I asked, “Will you mind having Lela as your best friend most of the time? Deb and Maria say if I make the girls’ team, I would probably be practicing against them on the practice squad. That would allow me time to finish getting in shape and acclimated to soccer at the high school level.”

Jane jokes, “I could get more interested in soccer if you’re running around in tight shorts with a sports bra under your top.”

I joke back, “You and Pete could become good friends as you watch us play.”

She retorts, “It is likely we will spend time watching Adam and Pete play.”

It was three weeks before school started when Mom. Dad and I met with Dr. Moore and Dr. Brokaw. It was more embarrassing to visit with Dr. Brokaw present about being Lela; he assured me that he experienced these things before. He was appreciative that I and my parents agreed.

It was decided they would put me on a testosterone blocker and Dr. Moore would prescribe a daily pill for me to take. It was approved that I would return to school as a transgender girl. “It is good that you know you need to get physically in shape and learn to play soccer as a girl. That will ease the strain on others coming to accept you.”

I didn’t realize we were driving home to drop off my father and that Jane would be going with Mom and me to start purchasing more clothes.

My mother insisted that I begin wearing my gaff; “You are going to wear your gaff shopping today and then more often and for longer times until you are used to it.” I didn’t know that Jane was already there and heard about what I’d be wearing. I guess it was better she heard it than have me stew over telling her. Her smile indicated she agreed with my mother.

She said, “I was wondering how I would handle that today with you shopping and changing into different clothes. It is more like you’re my best friend.

I said, “But we always have been.”

“But that was with Lee, yes I knew you liked dressing as a girl. I enjoyed Lee doing that, but being Lela is different. Sleepovers will now include you, face masks, hairstyles, painting nails, and even talking about boyfriends. Yes, I am interested in dating you or Lee, but I’m guessing it will be the exception and not the rule.”

Continued…