Crikey, summer hols are finally here & there’s a lot to tell you. Much has happened here since your birthday! It’s like the whole world had been turned upside-down & pulled inside-out!

Since you left sets, no one wants anything to do with Rhod & Maddy. Once the news of you leaving sets and their suspensions got around, they became the social outcasts! It wasn’t hard for them to connect the dots, but other than Bernie and I, none of the kids know the real story and that’s how it will stay. We even went to the year end disco & never saw either Rhod, Em or Maddy!

A few times Bernie & I talked with those two but even then it was still kind of tense. They both know how we felt about things.

I thought you’d like to know that even though Mad won’t admit to anything, IMHO there’s something still there. They both know I’m emailing you (they also know I won’t give them your address!) & in a back-handed way, whenever I talked to them, both (especially Maddy) always wanted to know how you’re doing. Now that Drew’s gone, Mad’s even been seen as fair game by some boys in the other forms, but whenever they ask her out, she’s always refused.

I don’t know what Mad’s problem is & it’s only just a feeling, but I think she’s really missing you. I really don’t think she can let go, inspite of what she did to you. I know how you feel about her, so maybe this is a good sign, huh? 

Speaking of Maddy, despite all her cramming and her efforts to play catch-up with her lessons, she still didn’t advance. Rhod advanced, but just and Sylv let it be known that she wasn’t pleased with his marks. He must’ve been rattled with all that’s happened. He’s usually a ‘brain’.

Sylv’s still PO’d at Rhod for Em’s behaviour in Virginia & at your party. After your party, you could tell when Em & Sylv got home. At times you could just make out Em’s voice but you had no trouble hearing Sylv through the closed windows! Rhod told me about Em coming over to apologize the next day. Whatever you said really made an impact! Even Em seemed a little more humbled than usual. I haven’t seen much of either one since school let out

It probably didn’t help matters any but I finally told Rhod exactly what I felt about him, Em & us. There was a time when I really liked him. I know I was starting to fall for Em too, but the gentle & caring person I knew just wasn’t there anymore & I told him that. When I think back, I can see Em started changing in Virginia & your party was just the last straw. Anyway, you should’ve seen his face when I told him that I was stepping back & re-thinking any relationship with either Rhod or Em.

Since you’ve moved Gabs, you left a big hole in the lives of everyone who knew you. Somehow I feel that’s especially true of Mad — even if she doesn’t admit it. Paul, Clive, Bernie, & I, we all really miss you, girl! It’ll never feel right without you here with us! :(

Oh, yeah! Fran wanted me to remind you, she’s still waiting for your email! She said to let you know she really misses not having you around. Sounds like Virginia changed her as well.

Thanks for telling me what you think Maddy is feeling. I meant what I said - I’ll always love her, no matter what. Just hope she remembers. Whatever her problem is, it’s something she’ll have to work out by herself. She won’t tell me what’s bothering her either. I’ll just have to give her all the space & time she needs. As Mum says, whatever she decides, I’ll have to accept. It may be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, but Mum’s right.

I don’t think I mentioned it but I’m all girl now! I had my surgery before we left. In fact I got out of the hospital the day before Helen’s funeral. Still need the breastforms, but I hope not for long.

Jules & I are both enrolled in the Bad Neuenahr Are Gymnasium (area secondary school) for the new term. Think of it as a German Augusta High. I’m going into grade 9 (again) & Jules is going back into grade 11. We both thought it’d be better if we repeated the year in the new school. Poor Jules found out that she has to go another 3 years to grade 13, before she can go to university. So much for her GCSE’s.

Oh yeah, we’ve moved again! We now live in real nice little village called Mayschoß (the ß sounds like ‘ss’). Looking in a road atlas, I’ll try to tell you where I am. On a map of Germany, look for Bonn, then looking south, follow the A565 to the A61. Follow that south to where it meets the A573. That takes you right into Bad Neuenahr or Bad Neuenahr-Ahrweiler, as some maps have it. If you pick up the B267 going west out of Bad Neuenahr, you’ll eventually find Mayschoß. It’s about 12Km from Bad Neuenahr. I think it’s only got one or two thousand people in it.

We’ve now got a nice four bedroom house with a basement and a two car garage (now Dad’s got room for the bikes and the car) & we’re only a few houses from the Pinger’s. Maria Pinger is the captain of Team Apollinaris and her daughter Kat goes to the same school as we will be. Mum says we’ll do like Kat does and ride our bikes to school on the good days and take the train on the bad days. Can anyone remember the last time Jules was on a bike, never mind doing about doing 20-30km a day?? Mum says depending on my schedule at school, I might just be riding in with her and Maria. That would be awsome!

Jules’ll probably end up taking the train all the time like a number of the kids. Kat says that starting at 6:30 every day, there’s a train every hour that will stop at all the places in the Ahr valley and finally end up back in Bonn. I think the last one is something like 11:00 at night. If we wanted to go into Bonn, it’s only an hour by train. Kind of neat being in the mountains, yet close to everything. Dad calls it the best of both worlds. The quiet of the country with the city at our doorstep.

Speaking of Jules, she’s got herself a job for the hols. She’s one of the tour guides at one of the local wineries. The particular one she’s working at is also a B&B for the tourists. She tells us we wouldn’t believe how many people compliment her on her English!

Mum’s now retired from competition. She felt that by the time she was as good as she was before she got sick, she’d be too old to compete. The good news is that she’s the new Head Coach and Training Director for the Apollinaris Youth Program. She’ll be the one coming up with a training plan for us and since she’s officially my coach, she’ll be out with me every day I’m training in addition to the days we ride to school together.

Dr. Dieter (Team Apollinaris’ doctor), kept me off the bike for a few weeks until he thought I was well enough to begin riding again. As of the beginning of this month I’ve been back training, but he’s keeping an eye on me until he’s sure everything’s okay. Mum’s already had me out on a 60km training ride. I was knackered at the end, but it felt good! Usually, she’s in the car when I’m doing these rides, but still having her there is great beyond words!

Until there’s a training plan written down for the junior riders, I’ll be riding with the pros when they’re around between races! I’m not complaining.

Dad’s doing real well getting the Youth Program set up & helping Mike maintain the bikes. He’ll finish the 2004 season touring with the pro team while Mum & I stay back so I can get back into riding. Dad’s got 2 other girls signed with the program already. I’ve not met them yet as neither of them are from around here. Maybe I should suggest to Dad that everyone should get together some time.

Another girl Dad’s signed is Kristen Oakley. I rode with her in a few races back in England & we (well, Drew) joined the British Youth Squad together. Now as part of the Apollinaris Youth Program, Kris’ll get additional funding. I know she’s ridden on the continent a number of times, so there could even be a chance we’ll ride together again. She’s already figured out Drew & Gaby so it should be easy telling her about me now.

It seems strange having Mum & Dad around everyday & even stranger training with both them, but neither Jules nor I are complaining. We’re one family again!

That’s about all the news for now. Some things about Warsop, I don’t miss that much, but you & the others, I do miss… a lot (especially Maddy)!

Talk to you later, Gaby

How did Maddy’s 15th birthday go? I’ve already apologized to Auntie Carol for not sending anything, not even a card. I really felt bad, but considering how thing are between us and my last birthday, I somehow felt it was the right thing to do. Even Mum agreed with me.

The training is going great and I really like racing in Europe. There’s so much variety in the courses not to mention that I’m usually racing a larger number of riders. I’ve made the podium in both the ‘local’ (if you call Munich & Berlin, local) races & the three time trials I’ve entered. Mum says I’ve let the German’s know ‘Jenny Bond’s little girl has come to ride her bike’.

You would’ve loved coming to Munich to watch me race. I took a first for my age group. It was 40km and it was held on an F1 racetrack just outside of the city. Some of the cars were even still in the pit area. I was told they were arriving for some qualifying heats, later that week. For some reason the German Grande Prix comes to mind but I’m not sure if that was the race.

The Berlin race was held on city streets. In fact the finish line was in Pariser Platz, under the Brandenburg Gate. You could still see where the Berlin Wall was! The race itself was only 30km, but I was beaten in a sprint that exploded just as we came into Pariser Platz. Once the dust cleared, I made the podium with a third. A girl named Nina Jung, riding for a local Berlin club, took first by a few bike lengths. Still you could see Mum was chuffed. On our way home she kept telling me when the team returned, she was going to arrange some ‘sprint training’. Sounds crazy, but after getting mixed up with those girls in Berlin, maybe Mum should call it ‘survival training’.

The local organizers for the time trials seem to favour the B267 somewhere between Altenahr & Bad Neuenahr. They’re usually between 10 & 25km & they’re much more technically challenging course than Cuckney!

So far, Mum’s had me do one training ride of 80km, all on the secondary roads in the region. I think she was really interested in seeing if I could handle the distance. I know she plans to build up my endurance & stamina but after that ride, it was clear even to me - I need work! Mum says that most of the junior races that really matter are at least 70km, so if I train for the longer distances, then races of 70km should be that much easier.

Haven’t had much free time to spend with Kat & her friends (thanks to Mum), but on the few times we’ve gotten together, we’ve found lot’s to do & I find I really enjoy being with them. We’ve already done the shopping thing in Bad Neuenahr-Ahrweiler & Mayscho០(with & without their boyfriends tagging along). Just hop on the train & you’re there.

I found the ultimate store for stuffed animals in Ahrweiler, of all places. Kat & I both saw this really soft, big stuffed penguin but she picked it up before I got to it. After telling her about Helen, she let me get it for ‘sentimental reasons’ & she ended up with a really cuddly white polar bear with a blue T-shirt. It was hard to resist the bear Kat got, he was sooooo soft, but now I’ve got something to remind me of an understanding friend I once knew. I’ve named my penguin ‘Stuffy’, after Helen’s.

While we were out, I also picked up a white mini skirt & a plain, but very cute (so I’ve been told), long sleeved, cotton mauve top. I didn’t realise until I modelled the outfit for Mum, that she was wearing an almost identical white mini. She thought it’d be cool if we had the same outfit, so when she asked me where I got the top, I told her I’d only tell her if I could get a pair of heels like she was wearing. She just gave me one of those “we’ll see” looks. Hey, if I knew getting a pair of shoes out of Mum was that easy….

Since Maria has to leave for Holland with the team in a couple of days, tomorrow Mum & Maria are taking Kat, Steffie, Liesl, Jules & I into Bonn. Mum says Jules & I need some good clothes for school.

When we moved from Warsop, I promised myself that I was going to only be me. No pretending, no hiding - just me. Both Warsop & Grottoes taught me some painful lessons about that! That promise sort of made for an awkward moment the other day for Kat & I.

Kat’s always known about Drew & Maddy. She also knows about how things are with Gaby & Maddy. The problem was Steffie & Liesl didn’t — until now. We both knew I’d have to tell them sometime about me liking girls & better it came from me. I was kind of scared, not knowing how they’d react. I didn’t really want to lose them as friends. Turned out they’re okay with it.

That’s about all the news for now.

No one was surprised with what you did & why you did it — including Maddy’s parents. I wouldn’t worry yourself over it.

As it turned out, Maddy cancelled her party due to lack of interest. I guess of the ‘gang’ and the Sherwood Foresters, I was the only one that didn’t have some excuse. She cried like a baby when I told her that I’d still like to drop by if she didn’t mind.

Her mum did up a quick dinner for the four of us and afterwards she opened the few presents and cards she got from her family. Mad didn’t say anything, but if you could’ve only seen the look in her eyes. I have a feeling that deep down, not getting a card or anything from you really hit her hard. I know it’s not the best news & it’s got to be pulling at your heartstrings to hear it, but you asked.

Glad to hear your training’s going so well. Guess I should start looking for you on the telly and in those cycle magazines you always read?

Sorry it’s been so long between emails but it’s been hectic around here to say the least and time’s just flown by. I’ll try to bring you up-todate.

Jules & I’ve been at school for three weeks now & we’re both finding it easier than we first thought. Granted we know a fair bit of the material they’re studying because we’ve already done it once, but we thought we might have more problems with the language than we have been. Mum’s always said we’d pick up German without any problem & she was right for the most part. But when we do have a problem, the rest of the kids are quick to help us. The teachers know we’re still learning German so they also try to help us whenever they think we need it. Our biggest problem is everyone wants to practice their English on us. Kat says the boys just want to hear our ‘dreamy’ accents!

Except for the language, you’d think we’re back at Augusta High — no uniforms, individual lockers and boys checking you out every chance they get. The girls checked both Jules and I out, just like they checked us all out, when we first started at AHS. Got to size up the competition, I guess! Thankfully, there’s no cheerleading. 

Kat wanted me to wear my aboriginal stuff in the first week. Like that happened! Cor! Sis summed it up, perfectly. She said if I wore it to school, it’d be like ‘throwing down the gauntlet’ and issuing a challenge to all the girls to hold onto their boyfriends! She may’ve been exaggerating just a tad, but why take the chance? So far, we seemed to have been accepted by the other girls as a non-threat, so I may wear Jessica’s stuff in the future, but we’ll see.

It didn’t take Jules long before she had a few boys at her feet. Trouble is, I’ve the same problem, only I don’t want ‘em! I know what you’re thinking, but you’d have to come here because I can’t post them to you!

Anyway, Jules & Kat thought they came up with the perfect solution to my boy problem. Whenever some guy tried to pick me up, I‘d tell him that ‘I was already involved’, end of story! I did & it wasn’t….

By now, pretty well everyone around me knows that I have feelings for Maddy but that doesn’t seem to be stopping them from wanting to be around me. Susanne (she prefers ‘Suse’), a girl in some of my classes, says I’m popular and to sit back an’ enjoy it. It kind of feels nice to be accepted for yourself but a bit uncomfortable at the same time. I like blending with the crowd, not standing out — except when I’m on the bike, of course.

Suse & I get along really well. It turns out that she knows Kat & the others, so we always hang out together after school & that kind of feels like the old gang in some ways. She’s a great help in school too! I think I’d be hopelessly lost most of the time if it wasn’t for her.

Remember I told you Mum and Maria were taking us into Bonn for some clothes shopping before school started? I ended up mostly with jeans — both straight-leg & flared, several tops and casual slacks. Kat told me you won’t see too many dresses or skirts at school unless it’s a special occasion, but I did get two. One was a black pleated mini — kind of like the skirts we had for our cheer uniforms, but in black. The other one, by popular demand, was the standard ‘little black (mini) dress’ with a V-neck & sheer, long sleeves. Both Kat & Liesl said that if I ever showed up in that dress, they’re putting their boyfriends on a leash. I guess that meant I looked good in it, huh? Wonder if it would have the same effect on Maddy?

If you ever get over here for a visit (nudge, nudge), I’ll have to take you into Bonn! The malls (plural) in that city make anything we have back home, pale by comparison. You could spend days going through all the clothing stores! I could just hear Maddy, “So many stores, so little time and only one of me!”

Anyway, I ended up with a midnight blue gown with a ‘scooped’ neckline & a full skirt. Jules said it would really bring out the greys & blacks of my feather earrings & Hawk feather. Mum said the neckline would show off my beaded choker. Call me paranoid, but I’m getting the feeling ‘people’ are conspiring to get me to wear my feather’s almost as much as Maddy got Drew into skirts (not that I’m complaining about that)! Both Jules and I also got a pair of black pumps with 3” heels to go with our gowns. I got a second pair, in a slightly different style, to wear with my flared jeans for when I need that ‘dressier’ look.

When I got home, first thing I did was to try everything on and everyone was right! My feathers and choker looked like they belonged with that dress. When I was showing Mum, Dad walked into the room & took a long look. All he said to me was that I looked very pretty, but as he turned & walked out, Mum said he mumbled something about ‘protection’! I wish Maddy could’ve seen me. Maybe someday….

Even though it’s a fortnight until the party, I know just what I’m wearing & this time there’ll be no question of me showing Mum up! I had to promise Mum I’d let her & Jules wear my other feathered earrings. Maybe I’ll offer my bracelet to Mum as well.

Mum may have been sick with cancer and Jules “Goth Girl”, but after seeing those two modelling their gowns & my earrings, I think Dad might be right about the bodyguards.

The Pingers & our family are planning to take Tina (one of the other girls on the pro team) to Munich the first of Oktober for Oktoberfest. Plans are to take us out of school on the Friday and spend the weekend with Tina’s family. Kat says we haven’t lived until we’ve attended a Munich Oktoberfest so Jules & I are really looking forward to going!

Wish we could go next week, as Kat says that’s when all the biggest parades are held, but the pro team won’t be back. They still have the World Championship time trials and road race in Spain. I think the 21st & 24th will be hard days for Mum, not being there to defend her title. The team’s scheduled to be back on the 26th.

I’ve attached a copy of my timetable for you. Unlike Warsop, we don’t have a home form to register, just show up for your class & I also have ‘spares’ or ‘free time’, like Thurs./ Fri. mornings & Wed./ Fri. afternoons. Since I’m in the lower grades of their secondary school or "Sekundarstufe 1", I have to stay in for my spares, unlike Jules. Because she’s in the higher grades or "Sekundarstufe 2", she can leave the school for her spares.

I do have one exception to the rule for "Sekundarstufe 1". Like at Warsop, I’ve got an exemption for P/E because of my training, so on Mon., I don’t have to be in school until Math & Thurs./Fri. until my second class. Mum rides into school with me on most days I take the bike & Mondays are used for the longer morning training rides. Whenever she rides in with me, she just continues on to the team’s training facility. Maria’s rode in with us a few times.

Mum and Maria are always in their skins. I only wear mine on the days I have spares and do a training ride before school. The first time I walked into the school in my skins (I change before class) you would’ve thought that with all the fuss that was made, I was an alien making ‘first contact’. I think I know how Mum felt when people first crowded around her for autographs!

Turns out that there’s a cycling club in the school & once they found out I raced, I was asked to join. I had to pass since my training conflicted with when they usually got together, but they’ve asked me to come & speak to them at one of their meetings. I told them I would at some future date, but I left it open. I think I might ask them if Dad can come with me and speak about the Youth Program.

Long time, no hear; but you’re right how things get when school starts. I’m really pleased to hear you’re fitting in so well & you say people know you’re a lesbian? Cool. A far cry from your days at AHS.

Maddy’s got Miss Burton for home form, which may be a good thing for her. At least she’ll get a clean start. If she drew Mr. P, she’d no doubt be under the microscope. She still has a bit of a dark cloud hanging over her if the way Timber greets her in the corridors, is any indication.

We’ve got Miss C for home form this year & so far, it’s been a scream, as long as Timber doesn’t come around. For the kids who were in Virginia, we already knew she was a bit of alright, but now the others are finding that out as well. I think we were all a bit surprised to see Rhod return to sets. We were all half expecting to see Em.

However, Rhod’s keeping to himself this term. He hasn’t talked to Bern or myself, much and I’ve a funny feeling something happened at his Dad’s. When Em returned, she was very quiet, not like Em at all & Rhod’s been somewhat distant. I should insist on having a proper sit down with him (more likely Em) this weekend.

Maddy, OTOH, has been on pretty good terms with Bern & I. We hang together at breaks & after school, almost like old times. She’s not as bouncy as she was & even less so if the names Drew or Gaby are mentioned. She tends to shy away from things that remind her of you as well, but at least she does seem to be making an effort to come out of her shell. She just closed the door to everybody after your party.

Mad still ‘talks the talk’ (boys) when she’s around others, but the reality of it is, she avoids them. I really think she’s still hurting Gabs. Seeing her before the Virginia trip with Drew, then with Gaby, I’ve got an idea how she felt. Now the more I see see the subtle way she acts, especially around boys & hear what she says, the more I’m convinced she’s not interested in boys at all. IMHO, the more she tries to hide it, the easier it is to see that she’s very much still in love with you. Her problem is she wants to hide it from everyone, including herself — but like I said, I don’t think it’s working. I’d really like to know why the change as I’m sure you would because that’s not the Maddy we knew before Virginia.

Bern knows to back off & let her sort it herself, just like you told me has to happen. In the past, the gang’s always been there for each other & I hope Mad knows that if she wants to talk, we’re here for her. I’d like nothing more than to see the two of you back together, despite the distance. I’m sure you have the same wish.

Don’t complain to me about your boy problem, Gaby Bond! We’ve always thought you were the prettiest of the gang — now live with it! Maybe if I could convince mum & dad to let me transfer schools I could help you out with your ‘problem’?

Seriously, maybe I can convince them to let me visit, sometime. No promises, but I’ll try….okay? Looking at your hols schedule, it looks as if the Christmas period is the only time we have in common. If we can set something up, you can take me into Bonn when I arrive, okay?

I’d like to show Miss C your timetable. I think she’d find it interesting to compare it with our own. Given the fact you’re basically re-doing 3rd Levels; that makes it even more interesting. Why do you have 3 languages? German I can see, but for the German kids, having to take German would be like us having to take English.

I’ve never been to an Oktoberfest so tell me all about it when you get back.