BigCloset TopShelf
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The Hatbox
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Comments
Good but
Coming along fairly good but it needs some more editing. The first part is going back and forth from first person to third person and makes it a bit harder to read.
Thanks
That was purposely done, but I’ll take it out if it’s jarring
Jarring?
While it isn't or wasn't terribly jarring, I had to concentrate to realize that it was still the same person relating the story. To me, it gave it the feel of a less experienced writer.
I didn’t have any trouble following it……..
And it was nice to get a little backstory - I presume there is much more to come yet.
This was much more to my liking although you did have me going for most of the chapter. Yeah, glad I didn’t read this while I ate lunch at my desk - I would have been hard pressed to explain why I was upset and crying. You had me convinced early on that exactly what Lovey was afraid of happening was actually going to happen, and even after you altered the storyline I was afraid that Lovey was still going to be sitting and watching Claire and Robert having sex and expected to be part of it.
Instead, you have placed Lovey in the position of being loved perhaps even more by Claire, while also having a budding relationship with Robert. Let’s hope that Lovey’s relationship with Robert doesn’t become an issue for Claire!
I’m still bothered by the fact that although Claire did not have sex with Robert, she has been sleeping with him and taking comfort in their relationship. The good thing though is that she did state, “He showed me a lot of attention, he was caring and loving, but he never said to divorce. He kept telling me to talk to you, to confront you, to clear the air. He said it was obvious that I still loved you, and he felt that our marriage was worth saving.”
Bottom line, I am still uncomfortable with Claire sleeping with Robert - even if he is gay. I am also uncomfortable with the fact that even though Claire stated, “Never. Never. Never. I never looked at anyone. Sure, I get offers all the time, but fuck no. Fuck, no!”
Claire rather vehemently says, “I love Lovey. I would love to be married to Lovey. I would gladly take Lovey to my social functions and office parties. If the Lovey I’ve been with for the past afternoon, night, and the morning were to stay, it would make me very happy.”
But she still brought Robert home and told Lovey that he was going to love her. She pimped out the person she supposedly loves, to the very man that she has been sleeping with and confiding in.
She may not have been having sex with Robert, but there are still some seriously devious things going on with all three of them.
I really am interested to see where you take this.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Hmm
Thank you for reading and writing. I think you know you’ve been helping me direct the story. Obviously, not one-hundred percent, but significantly. You’ve made this a kinder, more caring book.
But, there’s still more to come and while it doesn’t align with your values, I think it’s going to still be fun. Remember, it’s just entertaining fluff!
Good and addition
It was good before but the addition makes it better.
It feels like a more well rounded story.
Is it finished? I don't know.
It could stand on its own as is but the final decision is up to the author.
Unfinished
Thanks for rereading and writing. This story is starting to talk to me. My characters are alive and I can hear them talking to me.
I’m a sucker for true love, a la Princes Bride and maybe this is heading that way. I’m also a sucker for fluff
There’s a lot more story to tell