I took some time off and started rewriting Wildcat Fall from the beginning. I got some great feedback and took the liberty of changing things up. So what you remember reading is gone and replaced by a newer version. It's still needy, but hopefully, this works.
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She opened her eyes and looked up at soft, white clouds drifting lazily in a rich cobalt blue sky. She moved onto her knees and realized she was on top of a hill where grasses and wildflowers grew everywhere. After taking in the view, she sighed, lay back down, and closed her eyes. She felt sleepy.

Jenn sat in the lounge, working on her assigned readings. With classes starting in a week, she wanted to be prepared, but all she kept thinking about was Teri.

She sighed.

They’d been up since five. Their lovemaking had been frenzied and awkward. Both were quiet, hesitant to share their thoughts. They showered together and found comfort in each other's touch as they washed. After getting dressed, Jenn grabbed her backpack, and together they walked down the steps and stopped. Looking outside through the glass door of the small lobby, they realized that it was still dark.

Teri had been preparing for the last two days for her surgery. For the past twenty-four hours, she’d been reduced to drinking clear liquids while drinking something that kept her close to home. She jokingly said she was as clean inside as she was out.

Since Teri couldn’t eat before her surgery, they walked together directly to the hospital. The one-mile walk was quiet, with just a few stores and shops preparing to open. Teri jokingly moaned when she saw fresh baked pastries being loaded into their showcase. She took a deep breath, inhaling the aromas of the freshly ground and brewed coffee, mixing with the yeasty, sugary smell of the fresh pastries. She turned to Jenn. “C’mon. Let’s just skip the hospital and have a fresh croissant and an espresso.”

Jenn squeezed Teri’s arm, and pulled them along. The streets of West Philadelphia were quiet, with only the occasional car whizzing by. As they walked, they observed the traffic lights changing automatically.

Teri looked around at the empty city neighborhoods along the way to the hospital. She could see apartment windows above the street, some dark, some illuminated. It was a living, breathing city, and soon those people would flood the streets to begin their day. But for now, it was all eerily quiet. “This would make a great set for an apocalypse movie. Or maybe Mike could use it as the background for a Wildcats video.”

Jenn smiled at how her girlfriend’s hyperactive brain was always buzzing. “Are you going to write a new song for this vid or just use one of your Zombie or Vampire tales?”

Teri looked serious. “You know, I was wondering. Do you think my Vampire rock opera should have Zombies in it?”

Jenn couldn’t help but giggle. “I dunno. Keep it simple. Of course if you’re bit by a Vampire, don’t you become a Zombie?”

“I don’t think so. I know Vampires can make Vampires by biting people to death and reviving them as the undead. But Zombies create Zombies from a bite, too. I guess they spread an infection that must come from a virus. I've never thought about it, but maybe it’s all about viruses. Maybe there’s one virus that’s mutated into two different strains for Vampires and Zombies. Or what if humans were just a mutation of the original virus, too? Our origins could be a third strain of the virus that spawned Zombies and Vampires.”

Jenn grabbed her arm and squeezed. “Wow. I’m hearing some seriously deep and crazy thoughts this early in the morning. But how would you account for shapeshifters or Werewolves?”

Teri stopped walking and thought. She shook her head. “Yeah, my adrenaline is kicking me up a notch and making me a little crazy. I think I’m really all nervous about this whole deep anesthesia fear that I’ll never wake up.”

Jenn pulled Teri into her body and squeezed her tightly. “Uh-huh. I’ve those the same visions, too. But you could have all sorts of paralyzing fears every time you get on an airplane if you let your brain race out of control. Want to turn around and call it quits?”

Teri shook her head. “No. Just scared and voicing my what-ifs.”

After entering through the security doors and checking in, they were directed to a large waiting room. Clusters of people sat whispering. While a TV played in the background, the two of them sat together, waiting until the nurse called out Teri’s name. It was after seven thirty when they finally lead Teri back into surgery. After Jenn waved goodbye, mouthing, ‘I love you,’ she heard the receptionist call out, “You can wait for your sister in the recovery floor lounge, Hun.”

Sister, Hun? Jenn almost laughed out loud. They’d make a pretty odd pair of sisters! Teri was so tall and thin. With her radical hair style and the undershaved sides, her dyed silver hair had become part of her punk rock aura. Jenn fell like she was the typical image of an Asian stereotype. Even with a Russian father, her dominant features came from her Japanese mother. With her straight black shoulder length hair, and dressed down appearance, Jenn felt like she never drew any attention to herself. She was content to let Teri have the spotlight.

Jenn thought about how Teri had cleaned off her fingernail polish before the surgery. After they were clear again, she critically examined her manicure. “I guess I’ll just skip a visit to Isabella’s and wait to get a haircut until I get back to Allentown.”

Jenn remembered the conversation. “And how long do you think that will be?”

Teri shrugged, pulling at her hair. “I don’t know. A couple of weeks, right?” She turned and looked at her.

Jenn pulled on her girlfriend’s hair. “Yeah. A new length might preclude a new look. And we haven't talked about where you are going to live after you get up and around.” Jenn shook her head. “So in a couple of weeks, I’m guessing you’ll be moving and leaving me by myself. Are we starting a separation here?”

Teri looked panicked. “Oh, no! No! I want to be with you forever, twenty-four seven. But you’re going to school and I’m just hanging out playing music with the band in Allentown. I guess I’ll be commuting at the end of each day. I’ll get a rail pass and ride in from Allentown. Yeah, that’s what we can do. And maybe when you have time off from school, we can explore Philly and hop up to New York and Washington, too.”

Jenn realized that they’d talked about this before. “I guess it’s all about your recovery. You’ll still have your surgery to take care of.”

Teri just shook her head. “Yeah, we’ll just have to wait and see how that goes.”

Now, as she sat there by herself, Jenn felt all these crazy emotions welling up inside her. She despised feeling helpless. Her mind flashed on visions of the ‘what-ifs’, and she struggled to keep her own mind from racing, wondering what was happening in surgery. Upon arriving at the empty Recovery lounge and finding a quiet corner away from the reception desk, she tried to get comfortable.

Jenn took out her computer and found an outlet. She opened her laptop to an English class reading assignment and began trying to concentrate. When she finally checked the time, she realized she’d been working on her assignments for hours without a break. Standing, she stretched and decided to walk down to the cafeteria. She wanted to scope out the scene and find something cold to drink besides the water she’d brought in her thermos.

After asking for directions, Jenn walked down two flights and followed the signs through the long hospital corridors. When she saw a crowd of people gathering by the double doors, she smiled. A large digital clock indicated that it was eleven-thirty, and these people were headed to lunch. Jenn smiled as she walked through the doors of the spacious well lighted cafeteria, glancing at the hot foods, pizza, salads, and snacks.

She was more bored than hungry. After picking out a bag of chips and a large flavored water, Jenn thought about back when Teri announced her decision to schedule her bottom surgery. She had sounded very matter-of-fact as she turned to kiss her. “Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it’s time.”

Jenn recalled listening without questioning Teri’s decision. She gazed into Teri’s face and listened to her talk. She remembered her exact words even though it was months ago.

“Jenn, I need to do this. And no, it’s not ‘cause I want to have sex with more strangers. Making love to your sister’s boyfriend reminded me of who I am and who I love.” Jenn remembered Teri taking her in her arms. “Making love with you is perfection, and I don’t think anyone can ever please me more. But I’ve been living in this crazy, changing body, waking up every day looking at myself and knowing that I’m incomplete. All this estrogen has cleared my brain fog and helped me understand my true nature. I need to admit that my destiny is to be female.”

Jenn listened but held back from expressing her opinion. She wanted to be positive and encouraging, reminding herself that she couldn’t see inside Teri’s head. She loved Teri with all her heart and soul, but the poor woman had experienced so many ups and downs in the past year. Jenn squeezed her around the waist. “My love for you hasn’t changed. I’ve loved who you are since the day I saw you back at Allentown High. You were in the darkened auditorium, standing on the stage rehearsing for the talent show. Every day since then has reassured me that you were my destiny. Whatever you decide is fine with me. I want to be your supportive best friend forever.”

Teri kissed her softly. “Yeah, that’s music to my ears. And your support is important to me,” Teri said. “I just want to be whole inside and out. I’m not fighting or denying my intersex fate; I just want everything to line up. It’s jarring at night when I take off my clothes to see what’s between my legs. Maybe it would be different if I had real male genitalia, but I don’t. I look at the mess between my legs, and I’m always reminded that nature never finished the job. I guess that this surgery is for my peace of mind.” She turned away and frowned. “Do you think I’m being selfish?”

Jenn remembered shaking her head and throwing herself into her girlfriend’s arms. “Hardly. You’re the least selfish person I know. And I think it’s important to take care of yourself while you give to others. But what has Grace said about this?”

“Grace said I needed to go slowly and think everything through. She reminded me that it was serious surgery and that it’s not a decision to take lightly. She wanted me to understand that bottom surgery is a lifetime commitment and I’ll need to physically maintain a surgically created vagina for the rest of my life. She never said yes or no, but wanted me to be educated before I made my decision.”

Jenn remembered listening. She agreed with everything that Teri said and understood that it was a big thing. “You know that I’ll be there for you every step of the way and will dedicate my life to making you happy.”

And that was the end of the discussion. Jenn never felt like she needed to play devil's advocate or question Teri’s decision. Back in Chicago, their experience with her sister and her boyfriend had given them both an opportunity to experience more variety in their sexual adventures. Teri had a chance to learn more in defining her sexuality and helping her confirm her desires. As she later told Jenn, the Chicago junk food was more memorable than their foursome.

Jenn remembered laughing. “You’ve said it. Sex without love is just a fleeting moment that provides very little satisfaction. I think we’ve spent a lot of time learning about each other’s needs and wants because we care. Our moments together are filled with love, and that’s what counts.”

Later, after hearing about their Saturday night in Chicago, Gina’s response was simple. “It’s a lot more pleasurable to focus everything on loving one partner than taking on too many lips to kiss. I think that group things dilutes the moment. I love the Crosby, Stills, and Nash philosophy to love the one you're with.”

After cleaning up her snack, Jenn returned to the waiting area and her school assignments. At two o’clock, a nurse entered the lounge and approached her. “Hi, are you here for Teri Nelson?”

Jenn nodded and stood up. “Uh-huh. I’m her girlfriend, Jenn.”

The nurse smiled. “I’m Julia, and the bearer of great news. They’re finishing up in the operating room, and everything went well. Teri’s on her way to recovery. When we get her all set up, I’ll come back and find you. You’ll get a chance to look in on her.”

As she was walking away, the nurse stopped, turned back, and smiled at her. “I don’t mean to pry, but is she the same Teri Nelson who plays with the Wildcats from Allentown?”

Jenn grinned, “The same. The band’s taking a break after touring and performing for the Hollywood Bowl fundraiser over Labor Day.”

Julia nodded her head. “That concert was so great! My daughter and I watched the benefit from beginning to end on TV. We loved all the different entertainers, and watching the Wildcats back everyone up was cool. But it was amazing when Taylor and Beyoncé closed the evening performing their hits. Who would have ever imagined that they’d sing together? It was incredible!”

Jenn laughed. “It was a crazy day. And they raised so much money for a good cause! You know that Teri and the band created all the music arrangements for the whole day. Taylor and Bey were both excited to work together with the Cats, too. After the Summer tour, rehearsing, and then performing, the band agreed to take September off and vacation.”

After Julia left, Jenn texted everybody the good news.
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She lay there, watching the clouds drift by, enjoying the peaceful feeling of relaxing in the grass. She could hear insects buzzing in the colorful flowers. She propped herself on one elbow and spotted a bright green flash darting toward a brightly-colored red flower, and gazed in amazement as the hummingbird held still in mid-air as its tongue extended out to sip the nectar. Even though she could see the blues and greens of the bird’s body, its wings never stopped fluttering. She could hear the moving wings make a distinct noise that sounded almost mechanical.

When her phone buzzed, Tiffany was lounging in Mike’s lap while he edited a Dogfish Head beer commercial they’d gone down and shot in Milton, Delaware. Slipping away and out from his warm body, she smiled and kissed his neck, enjoying the stubble from his three-day-old beard. Grinning, she read Jenn’s text and was so excited she called her immediately, cheering as Jenn picked up the phone. "Hey, girl! Yes, yes, yes! I’ve been hoping to hear from you. That’s the best news!”

Jenn was brimming with happiness and excitement, too. It spilled out with a few tears. "Oh, I know. I’ve been trying not to get all worried or worked up. It’s tough just sitting here waiting all day. But I think what was killing me was having no control over everything. In the meantime, a nurse just came by to tell me that Teri is done with her surgery and heading into recovery.”

“You know it. I know that it’s impossible to just stop your brain or turn it off. Maybe getting sober helped me get my shit together, but I’m still a mess sometimes. So, back to Teri. Have you seen her?”

“No, not yet. The nurse said that they'll take me to see her once they get her settled in her own room. I guess she’s still pretty out of it.”

“Well, that’s so great that it’s all behind her. Oh my gosh. She’s so important to us. I remember when she was kidnapped and we had to play without her. All we did was cry all night. Okay, so now that you can take a deep breath, how ya doin’?”

“Oh, Tiff. It’s been a crazy long day. But Teri’s good, and that’s all that counts.”

“How about visiting hours, babe? Can I come into Philly and see you guys tonight?”

Jenn shrugged. “I don’t know yet. The nurse told me that she’d still be out of it tonight from all the anesthesia, but they promised that she’d be wide awake in the morning.”

“Okay. Sounds like tomorrow will be the time to come by. I’ll drive down in the morning and keep you company all day.”

“Oh, that’ll be so great! I know that visiting hours start at ten. The nurses told me she’d probably be here until Friday; then, we’ll be back over in our West Philly apartment. After she’s all settled in with me, I can be her nurse and go to classes, too. That way, you can come by anytime. We’ve got two bedrooms.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about your big buy, but haven’t seen this condo yet. That has to be pretty exciting, getting to play house together. Seriously, it’s like you’re all married and everything. Picking out furniture and all that stuff. How’d you do all that?”

Jenn laughed. “It was so easy. We just walked through the IKEA store and bought everything at once. We even got our kitchen stuff and the dishes there, too. It was so cool to watch my girl just flash her credit card and grin. Our biggest help was enlisting Teri’s mom, Amy, and Zoe’s dad, Conor. We used his big pickup and loaded everything up. The hardest part was screwing things together. And all the colors look so cool. I worried about it, but everything looks great.”

Tiffany laughed. “Hey, it sounds super. I can’t wait to see it. Living above First Cut Studios is okay, but it’s still Mike’s bachelor pad. I’m not complaining, but I did insist that he buy a new bed and new sheets. Just the idea that he’s had other women up here with him over the years grosses me out. Maybe after he sees what you guys did, I could push him into changing things around.”

“Well, having that whole third floor is pretty cool. You’ve got so much room up there. IKEA has a lot of industrial chic. He might go for that. Take him on a field trip there one day.”

“Yeah, if I could get him to clean out half the space. He’s saved every piece of equipment he’s ever bought for First Cut, and half of the third floor is junk he hasn’t used in a lifetime of tech equipment. I told him I’ll take care of cleaning it all out. You know, like a big yard sale!”

Jenn laughed. She always enjoyed Tiffany’s sense of humor. “How are you two doing? You really never took time off like Zoe going to Hawaii and Lisa flying to Nashville.”

“Yeah, we never did. But Mike’s a worker bee, and while I can be the queen and lounge around, somebody still has to go out and get me the honey. I’m happy sleeping late and going for a morning run. I’ve got this great route around the city reservoir, and I see lots of birds and critters in the woods. It’s good enough. Plus, I’ve been going to a Yoga studio and taking courses. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Gina top me with all her Eastern mythical shit.”

Jenn giggled. She found Tiffany’s thoughts to be the most off-centered of the whole band. “Sounds like you’re getting smart, taking courses.

“You should know all about that, going to college and playing nursemaid for Teri. I don’t know, but that sounds like two big jobs. You’ll need to watch your energy levels if you’re trying to keep your mind fresh for classes. Hey, just remember. I’m only an hour away from West Philly and can be there any day or night to help out. Seriously. We’re a team.”

Jenn felt a sob. “Tiff, you’re so sweet. Thanks. But Teri doesn’t come home until Friday, and school starts on Monday. I'm still trying to figure it all out.”

After disconnecting her phone, Tiff went and searched for Mike. “Hey! Just heard from Jenn. Teri’s out of surgery and okay.”

Mike stood up from his computer console. He lovingly wrapped his arms around her. “That’s great to hear. When are we visiting?”

Tiff grinned. “I’m driving down to the hospital after rush hour tomorrow morning. I want to spend the day with them. Why don’t you come in after work, and we can grab dinner together?”

Mike was nodding. “Sounds good. Yeah, I’ll take Amtrak, so we can ride home together in your car. In the meantime, you and I need to finish up the last details on this week’s video blog before we upload it to the Wildcat’s YouTube channel. The guys here all helped me edit some short clips to run on Instagram and TikTok to advertise it. You know, this whole Wildcat vlog project is still blowing up! The views and likes numbers keep going up. It’s becoming a business.”

Tiffany laughed and shook her head. “I never thought it would become this huge when this started out. Is there any way that First Cut could get a production credit to attract more business towards your company?”

Mike was grinning. “Yeah, well, sure. But you were the one who envisioned the whole thing. I mean, we wanted to make a documentary of the tour, and you’re the one who suggested that we create a weekly video blog instead. We’ll add a watermark and give ourselves credit. But business is off the charts. Honestly, everybody here is up to their ears in work right now. Word has spread that First Cut is all about the Cats, and it’s rubbed off. I’m not sure I want to bring on anyone new to train. I like keeping an eye on our quality.”

Tiff nodded slowly. “Yeah. I get it. Everything you do reflects on the company. But as far as our vlog, it just seemed to make sense to turn it into a weekly podcast kinda thing. But give yourself the credit. You’re the one who suggested filming all the behind-the-scenes stuff while we were touring and documenting all the effort that went into performing on stage. I don’t think people knew how much work it takes to do a three-hour performance each night. It was you and your guys filming the cats practicing material during a sound check, or watching how Teri rehearsed a new song with the band. And even those snippets of Teri and Zoe writing new material in the back of the bus were cool. It’s so crazy how everyone wants to see shots of us riding on the bus, hanging out at festivals, eating together with the roadies during communal dinners, and all the other details that make us the Wildcats.”

Mike laughed. “Well, all of that works because the fans get to see how you’re all real people. And your idea of posting two-minute excerpts to show on Instagram and TikTok created a lot more interest.”

Tiff kissed him lightly. “Well, it wasn’t just me with the suggestions. Handing out brand-new iPhones to the road crew and the band meant that everyone was filming. That was a genius move! And making it all PG so our young fans could watch them. I’m glad we don’t get any pushback from parents about language or adult high jinks.”

“Yeah, we never included any back of the bus fooling around like when Lisa and Smith decide to go at it. It really is a good thing that the band doesn’t drag along lovers from town to town keeping it G rated.”

“But I was amazed when the videos lit up and we got thousands of views.” Tiffany frowned. “Remember when YouTube wanted to advertise on our channel? The whole band vetoed that idea unless it was public service commercials aimed at helping kids. They grumbled, but when the viewership ran into the thousands each day, YouTube agreed to whatever we wanted.”

Mike grinned. “Wildcat power. You guys are a real force to be reckoned with.”

Tiffany had to agree. “Yeah, it’s so strange and I wonder how long it will last? We were hidden away here in town and I loved the rumor that the band didn’t exist. Somebody said we were AI. Now we’re the opposite.”

Mike grumbled. “Uh-huh. Please don’t get me started about AI. There are way too many clients who call and want me to create videos instead of filming. I’m too old fashion to want that.”

Tiff smiled. “It’s the same with Auto-Tune. Rather then practice instruments and harmonies, some bands run everything through a computer to make it all mechanically perfect. I love our sound because it’s honest.”

“I think that’s what makes you real and your vide blogs reinforces that love. Your fans embrace that. Richard and Gimli were discussing the Wildcats marketing power and talked about the demographics. Evidently, your growing popularity among tweens, teens, and college kids is a marketing dream. And getting all that TV time on Labor Day at the concert gave the band big national buzz. It’s just crazy to think about.”

Tiffany paused and stared at her boyfriend. She realized how lucky she was and how content she felt. He was the best thing in his life. She fantasized about how she’d love to maul Mike after every big night of playing. She kissed him on the lips. “But I did miss having you with me every night when we were on the road. It would have been so great to have you there. Maybe you could seriously think about going on the European tour in the Spring.”

Mike kissed her back. “Yeah, you know I love playing house with you. It’s my fun too.”

“Well, speaking of that. I was talking to Jenn and seriously thinking. How about if we redo the third floor of the building and make it a home for us?”

Mike wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up as he squeezed. “Yeah, I love the idea as much as I love you. I was just afraid that you’d get sick of seeing me all the time.”

Tiff was kissing him all over his face and neck. “Wow! Yes, yes, yes. I would love to play house with you. We could lock the door, and I could dress up every night just for you and be crazy. I would love to be your nurse, your maid, your plumber, and your dominatrix. Oh, just thinking of all the fun we could have!”

Mike looked her in the eyes. “I have the craziest, most beautiful woman right here in my life. I will do whatever you want to make you happy.”

“Hmm. Whatever, huh? All this talk has gotten me kinda excited. Do you think you could take a break for a few minutes?”

“Minutes? How about if we close early and go upstairs and talk about building a house inside of First Take? And we can decide where we want to put our new bedroom?”