Today, I present the first chapter of the sequel to the novel Taylor, which was published as a Kindle book. All the proceeds from Taylor and Taylor, Too! are for BigCloset. I hope you take the time to read this and tell me what you think. As always, I appreciate constructive criticism. I think it only makes the story better. I am writing this one chapter at a time, so your imput is important in making this a better book.
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Taylor lay on her bed staring at the wall. She could feel her older sister Emma lying next to her. Earlier, she had overheard Emma talking to her friends, Darla and Abby, all about her.
“Well, I’ve decided to postpone my college plans for a while. Instead of going to the University of Delaware, I’m going to go to Del Tech and live at home this year. I need to stay close to my little sister. I want to make sure that everything goes well for her. You know, no speed bumps.”
She listened while Darla talked about how they'd planned to be roommates at college and she kept mentioning Bradley's friends. "You know that guy really likes you. And it would be so cool to just date whenever we wanted to. No parents looking over our shoulders."
Abby chimed in. "Hey, Taylor is going to be great. You've got this whole summer together to help make sure she's on her feet. That's two whole months where you're right there. Seriously, Taylor is doing fine. It's not like the whole girl thing is going to be that hard for her. She's beautiful and kind. And she's already got a cute sixteen-year-old boyfriend who seems to adore her."
Emma laughed. "I know. Those two puppies are crazy about each other. I don't ever remember crushing so hard over a boy when I was her age."
Lying there together on the bed, Taylor sat up so she could see her sister. She playfully shoved her and immediately started cross-examining Emma. “Emma, seriously. You don’t need to attend Community College next September. I’m going to be fine.”
Emma shrugged. “I want to stay home and keep an eye on my little sister. This will be my last chance to bond with you. If I go to the University of Delaware, I won’t be home to ensure you’re happy.” She emphasized what she was saying by hugging her.
Taylor couldn't help but smile whenever she heard her say, ‘little sister.' Taylor was five foot, ten inches tall. Emma was shorter than she was. But, she still argued with Emma over her decision. Taylor still felt the need to confront her. “Hey. I’m okay, Emma. I’m going to be just fine. I think you’d be much happier going off to the U of D. You’d do really well there.”
Emma hugged her tightly again. Taylor liked that Emma had been hugging her a lot lately. Before this, the old Taylor never got as many hugs. Of course, old Taylor was a boy and was a little shy about hugs. But, now. It just seemed so right.
“No doubt, little sister. But, I want to ensure that this thing is good for you.”
Taylor wasn’t ready to concede to her sister’s wishes. “Well, I agree with your friends. I have all summer to adjust, and you’ll still be home with me. You can be my coach for the next two months and make sure that everything is okay. I can turn to you for help every day, and tossing away your University opportunities is foolish. You don’t need to worry about me. Even if you went to Delaware or Del State, you’re not that far away. And all I have to do is text or call you.”
Emma rubbed Taylor’s back as they lay there together on the bed. “Well, I feel a certain amount of responsibility about bringing Other Taylor back to life. You know it was my idea to dress you up Saturday night. Seriously, we spent a lot of time getting the boy out of you and making you beautiful. And then introducing you to Andrew seriously let the genie out of the bottle.”
Taylor smiled. “Yeah. I was so unaware of what was happening, but I loved every minute of it. I loved spending the whole day with Darla and Abby. It was so much fun learning all about making myself pretty. And it was way too much fun. And I’m so glad all of you did push me. C’mon. I’ve never been happier. We all know I was meant to be female, and well, I just got sidetracked a little for a couple of years.”
"A couple of years of pain. See, you just withdrew and never said anything to mom, dad, or me. I mean, when mom-mom and pop-pop physically and verbally abused you, well..."
"But, Em. That was when I was twelve. I was just a little kid and I didn't know anything about anything."
Emma smiled and kissed her forehead. "Exactly. And now that you're fifteen, well, someting could still catch you off-guard, even now. And that's why it's important for you to have a big sister around to talk to. You're going to take some mean blows."
"Huh?"
"Taylor, you just don't understand how much of the world is full of hate. There's crazy guys out there that rape and murder little boys and girls. And there's men out there that think that being trans is a sin against God and they think they have to punish you. And the world is full of narrow minded people that are so caught up in pain themselves, that they have to inflict it on you. I have to be here to help you 'cause if anything were to happen to you, well, I would never be able to forgive myself."
"So you're Frankenstein."
"What?"
"Sure. Dr. Frankenstein build the monster and the world was so blind they missed the whole point of his experiment."
"Whole point? What whole point?"
"Dr. Frankenstein created life. He was able to bring a dead heart back to life. Imagine if they had given him a prize instead of chasing him out of town. Imagine what the world would be like if we had used his science to help people."
"Taylor, you do understand that it was a novel. All that was fiction."
"Emma, let's face it. I'm fiction, too. I'm a boy who's sure that he's a girl. I've been that way forever, but there are no girl parts inside me. This is just all in my head."
"So?"
"Well, you know, Emma. Some of those hateful people could be right. They could just say that I'm mentally ill."
"Taylor, my sweet sister. That is a very negative approach to take. Nothing good will come out of that thinking. I don't think you're mentally ill. I don't think that what you believe is something wrong or some delusion."
"Well, we agree that I'm not mentally ill and I'm not delusional, but, you don't need to hold my hand. Seriously, I am going to be fine."
Emma patted her head. “Yep, I hear you. You were an okay brother but you’re a great sister.”
Taylor laughed. “Woof. Woof. I’m not a dog.”
Emma tickled her ear. “Right. That would make it so easy. We could just buy you a pink collar and get you a new bed to sleep on. You could even sleep on my apartment floor in Newark.”
Taylor giggled. “You do say the sweetest things, Shorty.” She patted her sister on her head.
“Shorty? Taylor Johnson, I'll have you know that five-foot-six is a very respectable height. Unlike all the rest of my family, I'm the normal one. I'm not freakishly tall like the rest of you. When they regular people revolt, I will stand in front of the mob and save the three of you.”
Taylor laughed, then stuck her tongue out. “Nah. That's not going to happen. There's going to be awards given out to the people who can reach the top shelf. And I read the rules, too. Every family is allowed to have one runt. And in your case, you will be spared and not drowned in a burlap bag. But, you’ll have to marry someone tall to keep the gene pool going. Don’t leave it up to me. Once I start all these pills, all my sperms will die off and get out of my body. Then my reproduction days will be over. No more boy juice, no more tall babies.”
Emma shook her head. “Well, little sister. I’ve been doing some reading too, thank you. Before they start you on testosterone blockers and kill all the male stuff in your bloodstream, you can head over to the sperm bank and donate some samples to freeze.”
Taylor shook her head. “Seriously. That sounds like science fiction to me. But, what would be the purpose in doing that? Even after I become totally female with a vagina, I can never get pregnant. This would have to be a fantasy where they transplant an entire reproductive system between my legs. But, you know. That idea brings a tear to my brain. I'm like Pinocchio dreaming to become a real girl. Oh, my God.”
Emma laughed. “Well, we can't always get what we want. But, I think your future is to live the life of a woman. Maybe it won't be perfect, but you're going to be blessed with pretty much a great life. But, back to your sperm. Your little defrosted sperms can get a woman pregnant to carry your baby. All you and Andrew have to do is find a willing subject to be a surrogate. Then, you could be Andrew's wife and have a baby, too. Or you could have more than one baby using your sprem.”
Taylor thought about that. “That is way too weird to think about. But, how cool would it be to raise a baby with Andrew?"
Emma hugged her. "I love a good fairy tale. But, fifteen year old princesses do not raise babies. Molly and Rich would freak."
Taylor laughed and hugged her sister back. "But I will ask the doctor about that sample thing. I know this sounds stupid, but how do they collect my sperm? Do they have to use a needle or something?”
“No, doofus! You’d ejaculate your sperm into a tube to be frozen. They’d thaw out your swimmers and mix them up with an egg. Once the egg is impregnated, it’s placed inside a womb for nine months. Then, boom. A baby is born and you’d be a parent.
“So my boy stuff will have an opportunity to be put to good use before it gets flipped inside out. I watched those videos. They are pretty crazy. That is way too bizarre to even think about.”
As she thought about masturbating, her mind drifted to her Andrew. The last time she’d had an orgasm, she was under Andrew out on a blanket at the Rock Manor Golf course. She grinned and wondered if he would like to reenact that moment somewhere she could collect a sample. She realized how stupid that sounded. First, Andrew can never see her boy parts or her naked. New Taylor was a girl, and Taylor was in love with her Pittsburgh boyfriend. It was simple. She was a girl, and that had to be that way.
She imagined going into a doctor's office and making a sample. Taylor had never loved her body and what was between her legs was her biggest disappointment because it reminded her of what she really was. And she'd woke up from wet dreams where it was obvious that she'd ejaculated, but it was not a conscious effort. When she and Andrew had been fooling around, she had an orgasm. It was sensational but that night, she still faced the reality of how it had all happened. And now, she was supposed to pleasure herself and have an orgasm. At least now she could picture being in Andrew's arms when she did the deed.
All she puzzled over all that new information; she stared at how stuffed her closet had become since her mom had taken her shopping every day this week. Each day, they attacked stores and malls around the area, driving across the bridge to Cherry Hill to shop, too. She pointed to her closet. "Emma, do you have this many clothes? I think mom went way overboard this past week."
Emma smiled. "Okay, little sister. I have more. Probably twice as much. I have more dressers and another whole closet in my extra room. And we can take a tour of what I own if you need to borrow something."
“Seriously, Emma. At first, it was fun. But, after a while, getting undressed in a dressing room started to remind her of something hard to forget. I was feeling very self-conscious about not having a proper girl’s body.”
Emma nodded and just listened. She realized that she was ill equipped to handle really hard questions. “Did you say anything to mom?”
“I did. I finally mentioned it to our mom.”
“What did you say?”
“I told her I’m feeling very self-conscious about my boy body inside all these pretty things. And I told her that I’d feel so much better if the clothes fit me properly.”
Taylor remembered what his mother had said and shared it with Emma. She remembered how Mom laughed, then whispered. “You’ll get tired of hearing this phrase, but when I was your age, our bodies were just about the same. I was flat-chested and lacked a booty, too. And all of a sudden out of nowhere, I was being dressed by designers and their seamstresses. They looked at my stick-figured body all day long and no one ever said a word.. I was just as embarrassed as you feel, except everyone was looking at me.”
Taylor looked at her mom. “How’d you handle it?”
Molly shrugged. “Here’s the secret. My mother told me this. ‘You are what you are. Don’t try to be something you’re not.’ That saying has stuck with me. I’m not shapely or really beautiful. No one would stop to look at me. But I realized that the designers wanted their models to be invisible, so everyone looked at their clothing. Honey, you need to just relax and smile. And that should be easy. Since the Other Taylor has come back to life, you’ve been smiling a lot.”
Taylor remembered nodding at her mother’s advice. She knew she had a pretty face and enjoyed smiling. But still didn’t want to be a freak. “I just hate the idea of being a freak and have everyone laughing at me.”
“You’re only a freak if you think you are. I see a cute fifteen-year-old girl who looks very pretty in her dresses and skirts. We can buy you some padding and shapers if you're worried about your body. But, seriously, you need to just take a deep breath.”
Taylor suddenly was interested. She was wearing a padded bra and it didn’t seem like a handicap. “What kind of pads?”
“We can shop for serious breast prosthetics and there are Spanks to give you a waistline. And there are padded panties that will increase your booty and hips. And I think we should go ahead and buy them. And that way, you can wear them until you realize that no one is passing judging on you or cares what your butt looks like.”
Taylor nodded. “I want those things. I need to feel confident.”
Her mother nodded. “And we will get you whatever you want. Let’s go look.”
After a while, Taylor felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Wearing the pads gave her a more shapely figure, but she also felt like she was trying to be what she wasn’t. When her mom questioned her, Taylor came to a halt and stopped. She’d been trying on jeans.
“I don’t know. I feel like I’m faking it with these pads. I mean, look at me. Those skinny jeans look sexy with a butt and hips. And having a smaller waist completes the look. But, at the same time, I’m being a big phony.”
Her mom nodded. “Okay. Jeans are a great example. There are many styles and cuts of jeans. And you can look very nice in jeans that don’t depend on sexy figures. Take the pads off while I go out on the floor and find you some different styles.”
After several tries, they found jeans that looked good on her without making her look like she was inflated. Taylor stared in the mirror. “I like these. They’re soft and comfortable, and I’m not telling a lie. You are right. I don’t need to wear tight-assed jeans to show off my booty. That wouldn’t be me, anyway. But, what’s Andrew going to say?”
Her mom, Molly, laughed. “Oh, baby. Your Andrew is so totally mesmerized by you. He won’t even know what color your jacket is. He only sees you, not something fake.
Taylor was telling Emma about her shopping as she stared at her closet stuffed with her new purchases. “Emma, Mom really freaked me out. We were shopping yesterday morning, and she said I should be thinking about back-to-school clothes. That’s not for two months and I’m having trouble picturing new Taylor walking in the halls at the high school.”
Emma was nodding. “Well, you’re right. You’ve got two months to get comfortable inside your full time skin. And seriously, it’s not like you’re wearing dresses and makeup to school each day. Mascara and lip stain is all you are going to wear. Seriously, all your friends will be there to support you.”
“Well, I don’t know. New Taylor’s going to have to work on making some girlfriends.”
“How about the girls from the mall the other day? They seemed pretty friendly.”
“Uh-huh. That’s where I’m going to start. I'm going to call Tiffany, Julie, and Meredith later today and see if I can't get a trip to the mall going."
"Well, if you want someone to drive you there and back, let me know. I can drive mom to work and then use her car."
"Yeah, that's another thing. Mom has been skipping work to spend time with me. Is that going to be okay?"
"Sure. Mom sees you as a priority and well, it's her way of supporting you."
Taylor took a deep breath. "I love you, Emma. But, I'm trying not to be selfish here and demanding that everyone change their lives for me. That's not good."
"We all love you, kiddo. Everyone is happy that you're happy. And now, back to making new friends and preparing for Sepetember."
Taylor involuntarily shivered. "Yeah. That’s going to be interesting. I really don’t know any girl things.”
Emma laughed. “Hmm. There’s not a lot of mystery there. Just hang with us and watch. The Musketeers will be happy to let you pal around. We should have another group date. Once you realize there's nothing to it. I’m sure you’ll see.”
Taylor wiped her eyes and nodded.
Emma smiled. Her newborn sister was having trouble handling everything thrown at her. Earlier in the day, Emma had sought out their mom and found her in her office.
“Hey, Mom. I really want to help Taylor in any way I can. I was hoping to just talk to her and answer all the what-if questions I had gone through when I was heading to high school. Is that going to be all right?”
Her mom surprised her, squeezing her tight. “Oh, that would be so wonderful. I think she’ll talk to you about a lot of things that she wouldn’t share with me. That’s great!”
And now, the two of them lay there on Taylor’s bed and just talked.
Emma tried to soothe her nerves but not lie to her. “Without a doubt, heading out to high school will be a hurdle. It’s high school, and you’re facing lots of changes. Middle school is over, and while you’ll see all your friends, high school is much bigger. There’s going to be lots of new people. And the school will have new rules. And all your friends will be struggling to adjust just like you.”
Taylor frowned. “Okay. But, I have an extra problem. I am sure the rumor mill is already busy talking about the trans girl, and probably everyone will want to see me for themselves. I think I need a big sign around my neck that says, ‘Uh-huh. That’s me. I’m the freak!”
Emma laughed. “You have no clue. Seriously, you look so normal, so girl-next-door. I think all those who are looking for you to stand out will be sorely disappointed. You just don’t have horns or a mustache.”
Taylor shook her head. “But, well, I really am not ready for that.”
Emma nodded. “And now that all the truths have been spoken, I just want to be the helping older sister. After all, you were just born in June, and I want to be there for you.”
Of course, that only made Taylor cry. She’d been doing that a lot lately. “I love you, but everything is going to be fine.”
Emma liked to remind her that Other Taylor had decided to leave Old Taylor behind and come out as transgender right after school ended. It was all about her first date with Andrew.
Until that date with Andrew, Taylor had never heard the term transgender or hormones or suppressors. She just thought she was a boy who was more comfortable in girl’s clothes. And she knew that boy was praying to become a girl.
She soon found out that she could stop praying and start becoming proactive. Taylor was excited to be able to be who she felt she was meant to be. It was going to be an action-packed summer.
She looked forward to spending time with Andrew.
“Emma, what do you think I should be doing about Andrew?”
Emma smiled and kissed her forehead. “Welcome to puppy love, honey.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Oh, my God! That boy is so in love with you. I know he’d do anything in the world to please you!”
Taylor smiled. “Oh, I feel the same way. I love to be in love.”
Emma grinned. “Enjoy it. I hope you have a chance to step back from yourself and see the big picture.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, how should I put it? Okay. Right now, the sun rises and sets with him, which is so wonderful. And I’m not telling you to do anything your heart and brain don’t tell you. I think you should enjoy everything that is happening to you. But…”
Taylor was listening and waiting. “But, what?”
“Well, I know you’re smart and will make good decisions. But, sometimes, your heart speaks so loudly that your brain is drowned out. I’ll give you an example. There’s this girl who was in my classes at school. And she fell in love with this older guy. So Mallory thought that she and Riley were soul mates. I think she would have given up her life for him.”
Taylor sat up and faced her sister. She was listening and wondering how this was about her and Andrew.
“So, Riley lived at home and worked for this landscaping company. He was hot looking with a tan, sun-bleached blonde hair, and lots of muscles. You know, the whole package.”
Taylor was trying to picture this.
“When Mallory turned sixteen, her parents tried to control who she saw and what she did. Riley had this car and would come by to pick her up. He’d sit in the car and beep the horn. He expected Mallory to come to him. I heard that her parents were not happy. So, they made an ultimatum that she needed to stop dating this guy or they’d send her away to boarding school in Switzerland.”
“That’s crazy. Switzerland! Oh, wow!”
“Uh-huh. And that’s when she and Riley ran away. They never came home one night and just kept driving. I heard there was no plan, just reacting. Riley did love her, too. But he was almost twenty-one.”
“What happened?”
“Parents freaked and called the cops. When the cops heard all the details, they saw it as a kidnapping. And the two of them were picked up the next night in Pennsylvania.”
Taylor saw a movie in her mind. She was having trouble reminding herself that it was all real.
“Mallory was returned, and Riley was charged for kidnapping and taking a minor over a state line. He was also charged with rape because they were found sleeping together on a blanket in a State Park.”
Taylor was trying to understand everything.
“Mallory’s parents sent her to boarding school, and once she was away decided to drop all the charges against Riley. But, by the time all that happened, Riley had spent three months in jail.”
“Jeez. Did anything good come of it?”
“Well, kinda. While Mallory was in Europe going to school, Riley came over and apologized to her parents. Evidently, he’d grown a brain while he sat in a cell.”
“This is like a movie. But I want a happy ending.”
“Mallory’s parents could relax because Riley and Mallory weren’t together. So, they became cool with Riley. And Riley enrolled in Community College.”
“Happy ending?”
“Yeah. But the two of them didn’t get married or all that good stuff. Riley found someone else in school, and well, Mallory kinda grew up, too. Friends but no happily ever after.”
“Well, at least nobody died. But, what’s this got to do with me?”
“I know that the sun rises and sets with William. And I say enjoy the ride, the highs, and the total experience. At fifteen, this is a good thing. You haven’t been rejected, and no one has tried to hurt you. But, I think you should stay off Social Media.”
“Why?”
“Oh, lots of reasons. There’s a lot of body shaming and hurtful talk. There are put-downs, and being trans opens up many opportunities for crazies to seek you out just to hurt. And all that is not healthy.”
“Okay. I really can see that. And I don’t think anyone will cross the street just to say nice things about me. Even Old Taylor got criticized ‘cause our parents had nice things. And, let’s face it. Old Taylor really wasn’t much of a guy. I heard some bad words and got pushed into the lockers. Everyone just assumed that Old Taylor was gay.”
“What did ya’ do?”
Taylor shook her head. She was wearing hoops in her ears today and liked it when they bumped her cheeks. “Nothing. Ignored it. Turned the other cheek.”
“Well, I think that’s smart. I know you’re smart, and now you are a babe. But being cute is going to confuse a lot of guys at your school. They’re going to see a pretty girl that they know was born male, and they’re going to get confused. You’ll excite boys who don’t want to be gay, and it will make them angry.”
Taylor nodded. “Mom is signing me up for some self-defense lessons. You think that’s good?”
Emma laughed. “There are many guys whose noses I wanted to punch or arms I’d like to have broken. And don’t tell mom or dad, but I kneed this guy when he was trying to kiss me in the hall. He was doing it to collect a bet, and I knew he was trying to complete a list of ten girls in school he’d kissed. Well, I saw him coming, and well, he must have run into my legs. Gosh, Principal Raymond, it was totally my fault and just an accident.”
They both were laughing.
“Okay. I hear you. And before I do anything crazy, I will come to you. And when I learn karate, I will protect you, too.”
They were laughing so hard that they didn’t hear their mom coming up the steps. Molly stood in the doorway, listening to her girls giggling and laughing together. She was smiling inside and out. She couldn’t remember the last time Taylor laughed like that. She sighed.
When the girls realized their mom was standing there, they turned and smiled. Molly looked at Taylor and spoke. “Get your phone out, honey. I need you to block out Tuesday afternoon. We have a date with a photographer.”
Taylor did what she was told but was puzzled. “Okay. What’s it for?”
Molly smiled. “We are headed up to Philly. There’s a photographer there who’s going to shoot your book.”
Taylor looked puzzled. She turned to Emma for guidance, and she just shrugged. “What’s a book?”
“You’re new friend, Marj called. She and I talked, and I think it will be a good exercise for you. The photographer will take a lot of photos, and then they present you with seven or eight of the best shots. It’s called your book. It’s your presentation portfolio. Modeling.”
Taylor looked pained. “Mom, I don’t know if I want to do that. I mean, I’m not feeling too ready. And I don’t like fooling people.”
Molly smiled. “Included in your book will be a biography. You’ll be able to write whatever you want there. You can say that you’re a trans teen. After all, what did Marj say when you told her you were trans?”
Taylor couldn’t help but smile. “She said that nobody is perfect. But…”
Her mom sat on the bed and hugged her. “You can decide what you want, but you aren’t going to stay locked up and hidden away. You must stand up on your own two feet and be proud of who you are. We love you and are here to support you.
Taylor wasn’t convinced. “What kind of pictures?”
“Headshots and full body shots. They need to see you.”
“I’m not getting naked.”
“No. But you will be wearing a two-piece bathing suit. Fifteen-year-old girls do not pose in lingerie.”
“Mom, no. I’ve got a boy’s body.”
“Right. I will be back in a few minutes.”
After she left the room, Taylor stared at Emma. “What should I do? she whispered.
Emma shook her head and shrugged. She leaned over and whispered back. “No clue. Nobody wants pigmy models.”
Molly came back with several spiral notebooks. She sat on the bed and opened the first one. “Okay, so this is my first book. My first five pages are what you’re going to have.”
The girls looked at their mom’s photos. Emma was the first to speak. “Oh, my God. You look just like mom!”
Comments
Looks like Taylor
Is going places, whether she wants to or not.
Well...
Dear Wendy Jane,
Thank you very much for reading and taking the time to write. I really appreciate hearing from you.
I hope this is what Taylor wants. But, maybe it's a dam bursting or a monarch butterfly hatching out of a chrysalis, but it is happening. I'm moving on to chapter three and going it alone since I haven't received much feedback of even kudos for that matter.
Got lots of ideas for Taylor's adventures as a fifteen-year-old newly emerging trans woman. We'll see