In the near future the Great Social Transformation has created a society in which women hold all the authority and power. Men remain uneducated and are restricted to mindless labor. But the Feminist Republic does not waste science and math talent, and has provided an alternative for a few special boys. We follow one special boy who got a late start on the journey to gender reassignment.

Chapter 1 - History Lesson

Kyle was half listening to his eighth grade teacher as she droned on about recent history because he was furtively reading ahead in the book as usual. There were topics in the book that he knew Ms. Jayne Wood would be skipping over, and he was curious about them. He was well aware that boys were discouraged from independent reading or any independent academic activity, but the girls were encouraged to be learn and study whatever they wanted. Girls could even select their own books to take home from the school library. Regardless of the frequent negative comments received from the teachers Kyle loved all his school subjects from art to science, and always had the top academic scores of anyone in the boys' cohort. In past years there had been a lot of boys in his grade, but each year more and more dropped out of school. They either started apprenticeship training or just went off to work along with their fathers and the other adult men. Most of them left school barely read or handle simple numbers, but that was regarded as enough education for them to work.

This year there was only one other boy still in his class. Kyle had known Jimmy Smith for years and they used to play and do pranks together, but not any more. Jimmy started doing more and more macho things while Kyle remained a real goody-goody who was obsessed with obeying his mother's rules and pleasing the teachers. In earlier grades Kyle was able to hang out with both the boys and the girls. Now in middle school Kyle was mostly alone because interaction between boys and girls was strongly discouraged.

"Do you want to go with me and practice throwing a ball?" James would always ask as the headed out to recess. "You need to build up some upper body strength. You look frail for our age." Every day it was the same boring routine.

Kyle could not disagree. He was short, thin, and looked like more like a sixth grader. Reluctantly he would join James at the edge of the school grounds while jealously watching Ms Wood, or another teacher, lead the girls through stretching exercises and dance routines. Whether in academic subjects, extracurricular activities, or at home, girls always got extra attention and opportunities.

Suddenly Kyle's mind returned to the history class in progress. Ms. Wood was asking questions, and Kyle wanted to be prepared even though she usually only called on the girls.

"Emily, name a work of classic literature that is considered an inspiration for the founding of our contemporary Feminist Republic of Pacifica."

Emily paused while Pamela, who sat next to her, whispered something. "The Greek play 'Lysistrata' where the women brought an end to war by exerting their s-s-s ..., their power over men."

"It is OK to use the word 'sexual' in social studies class. We are all big girls here. Well, except for James and Kyle of course. Pamela, see if you can answer the next question more completely- how do women in our Republic use their power to control men?"

"Our book says that 'males live in work camps where they are rewarded with drugs, alcohol, pornography, and the chance to earn enough social credit to be a sperm donor. Technology and automation now allow males to be content without being serviced by females.' But, I am not sure what all these words mean."

Kyle cringed. He had only a vague idea of what life would be like after he was forced to leave school. What he knew was mostly from hearing other boys talk. It did not sound appealing. Kyle was the only child of a single mother, and had no contact with his presumed father or other adult male relatives.

"Knowing what all that means is not a problem, Pamela. You girls are only in Middle School and you will learn much more about these things in High School and college. Next, Stacy, what happened in our country in the years just before the Social Transformation?"

"Those years were the 'Time of Trouble' when misogynistic and patriarchial leaders caused needless wars and hardship."

"Very precise, I see you have been studying. Now Carol, explain what happened in the Great Social Transformation"

"Women rebelled and used technology to gain control of safe territorial enclaves. Within these territories the women took power away from the men. Once the women had power they resolved to keep it and prevent masculinity from ever again setting the social agenda."

"And how did the feminist leaders achieve this, Rebecca?"

"They banned males from all the important political, managerial, and technological positions, and relegated men to unskilled labor so that their brains were disempowered, but their brawn could contribute to social advancement."

"That is an exact quotation from the text, very good."

Kyle noticed that the teacher was directing questions in seating row order. Maybe she would call on him when his turn came. He continued to listen to the questions carefully. He knew that he had excellent memory and could recite as needed from the book as well as any girl.

But, when it should have been his turn, the next question was directed to the girl beside him. Hillary was a smart, popular girl who was always nice to Kyle. He wished they could still be friends like they had been in Elementary School.

"And what education policies have been established to maintain feminist control of political and economic power?"

"Males are only allowed enough education to function in their assigned work. All males must leave school as soon as they are employable at productive work appropriate to their aptitude and natural skills. Males are not allowed to continue into high school or college."

Hillary looked at Kyle with a knowing smile as she finished her response. They both knew that this year was the end of Middle School and the end of Kyle's allowed education.

Nervously Kyle raised his hand and looked at Ms. Wood. Sounding annoyed she said, "I did not call on you, Kyle. Do you have something worthwhile to say?"

Several of the girls giggled at the teacher's put down.

"Do all boys have to leave after eighth grade? Aren't there any exceptions?"

A bigger wave of giggles passed through the classroom. James glanced at Kyle with a "you dummy" look. Surprisingly, Ms. Wood appeared to take the question seriously.

"Well, occasionally there is an special boy with exceptional intellectual endowments that would be of great benefit in protecting our feminist republic in a hostile world. These boys are selected by the career counselors and are placed in a rigorous treatment program that makes them completely into girls. After reassignment as girls they can go to High School and College. They then spend the rest of their life contributing to society as women in appropriate female social and professional roles."

Gasps replaced the giggles and everyone seemed to be staring at Kyle. Kyle's face turned red as the teacher resumed the lesson.

Hillary leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Maybe you should be one of the special boys!"

The rest of the day Kyle's mind was spinning and it took real effort to stay focused on what was going on in class, even in his favorite subjects like arithmetic. It always bothered him that the smart girls were able to take real mathematics classes, but the boys and the few girls who disliked science were taught only basic numbers and arithmetic. Finally the school day was over. Jimmy caught up with him as he headed home.

"That was a stupid question you asked. What kind of guy would want to stay in school longer that what the career counselor team insisted on? The only reason you and I are still in school is because we both got scores that make us eligible to be construction foremen in a technical trade. Being a foreman requires completing eighth grade arithmetic and writing."

"Yeah, I know."

"Aren't you looking forward to getting out of that girly school? Wouldn't it be great to be out working with a bunch of men all day."

Kyle looked off into the distance.

"Who would want to be made into a girl anyway? Sounds dumb having to wear dresses and makeup. I bet the first treatment those boys get is having their balls chopped off so they can grow boobs instead."

"Please stop. I'm thinking."

Jimmy gave Kyle a strange look, shrugged his shoulders, and headed home at a quick pace.

Kyle arrived home, headed up to his room, and tried to do his homework as usual, but his mind was elsewhere. What good was it to be excellent in school if the best he could become was foreman on a filthy construction site supervising semiliterate workers who could not figure out anything that involved arithmetic? It was the girls who got to continue through high school and college and become government officials, military officers, engineers, computer programmers, medical doctors, and all the other educated professions that have control over the direction of a modern technological society.

He kept thinking about the Ms. Wood's answer to his question. In the back of his mind he recalled hearing something like this before, but never so explicitly. What did it take to be become one of those special boys who were made into girls? What did those treatments involve? What happened to them when they became teenagers?

He knew that this kind of information was somewhere, but how to find it? As a boy his access to the internet and library books was highly, highly restricted. Boys had to go through an adult gatekeeper to access almost any information beyond school books and approved boy reading. Keeping boys ignorant about the world was one of the many restrictions had been placed on the upbringing of male children as part of the Great Social Transformation to prevent men from ever regaining power. Maybe he could ask someone about these special boys, but who and how?

"Kyle, it's time for dinner."

Kyle got up and shuffled to the kitchen. His stomach was in knots from what he had been thinking. Even on a normal day he did not eat much. If he had talked to anyone about his diet he would have been told that he had an eating disorder caused by early adolescent anxiety. His mother certainly observed the pattern, but never said anything about it. The transition from childhood to grown-up work, the coming end of school, the prospect of moving from home into a man camp dormitory associated with his assigned employment, the unfair preferential treatment girls always got compared to boys, all added up to an overwhelming crisis in Kyle's mind.

After nibbling on his dinner Kyle went back to his room and tried to study for a while before tumbling into bed. He was not really sleepy and much of the night was spent thinking about his dismal situation and trying to imagine alternatives.

The next day he watched for an opportunity to talk to Hillary. After elementary school girls were discouraged from socializing with boys, but it was still possible to talk to a girl once in a while. Kyle saw her walking alone in the hall at the start of lunch time and took the risk of going up to her.

"Were you joking when you made that comment in history class yesterday?'

"Maybe, maybe not. You are awfully smart for a boy." She gave him a knowing look.

"Not smart, I just like to study and do well in school."

"That's a silly thing for a boy to say. You sound like a girl."

"Will you do me a favor? I need to know more about the special boys who are made into girls. Who picks them and why? All that. Could you do a little reading about this and tell me what you found?"

"Why don't you read about it yourself?"

"You know that boys don't have library access to read what they want, and we are only allowed highly restricted internet accounts. You girls can explore and discover freely."

"Maybe there is a good reason for that. If boys learn too much they could grow up into troublemakers." Hillary looked concerned. "You shouldn't be asking such questions. You know we are asked to report to the teacher if we find out about any boys looking at unapproved material."

"Please don't report me," Kyle pleaded.

"Well, I don't want to cause trouble, but you know I try to be a good girl and follow rules." Hillary glanced around. "People will wonder what we are taking about if we keep this up. Good bye."

As she started walking away she turned. " I wish I could help."

Just then Kyle saw Stacy quickly walking down the hall. She positioned herself next to Hillary in a defensive posture and gave Kyle a mean look as the two girls turned their backs and marched into the lunch room.

Kyle knew she was right. His questions were entering forbidden territory. Still the idea of not having to leave school and move to a work camp was irresistible. More and more questions were churning in his mind. A few days later Kyle lingered until the social studies classroom was nearly empty and then timidly walked up to Ms. Wood's desk.

"Remember that question I asked about boys leaving school - you know, about exceptions. Can you tell me more? Please."

Ms. Wood looked at Kyle with compassion. "I already told you more than a boy should know. If you keep this up I may have to send you to the counselors. You know that following gender and career roles is very important to the stability of our country. You seem to be very troubled and at risk. Now head to your next class before you are late."

The rest of the school day was enjoyable as usual, but a deep sense of foreboding kept Kyle agitated. Jimmy did not join him on the walk home, which had become the new normal. Alone in his thoughts Kyle wondered what he could do next. Hillary had refused to help. Stacy, his other favorite Elementary School playmate, had become even more distant. Both Hillary and Stacy were teacher's pets who were obsessive about being role models for the other girls. They had reminded him more than once that mixed playing with boys and girls together was acceptable for little kids but discouraged for even eight and nine year olds and they were now almost teens.

Kyle thought about the long conversations he used to have with his mother and all the fun things they did together. This had gotten him in trouble with his friends at times; like when they peered through the window and saw him helping Mom cook lunch. He was called a sissy momma's boy for weeks afterward. The questions in Kyle's mind seemed to be something Mom could help with, but how to bring up the subject? Besides, what if she responded like Hillary and Ms. Wood had, and told him this was not something to talk about?

As usual Kyle headed to his room. He took out his arithmetic book and a piece of paper and started to explore some of the topics not covered in class. He had already studied topics far beyond what was needed to become a construction foreman, but getting lost in arithmetic and even real math and science was a way to cope. He remembered that he had been given a basic geometry handout since that material was useful for construction. He switched from arithmetic to geometry and started thinking about triangles. He suspected some things were always true, and tried to prove these ideas to himself. He thought he heard his mother talking on the phone, but continued to do sketch geometry problems and try to work out the proofs.

Mom was unusually quiet at dinner. She kept looking at him like something was on her mind. Kyle ate only a little because the stress of the last few days ruined what little appetite he normally had. After dinner Kyle helped clean up. He knew that other preteen boys would never be caught helping their mother with cooking and housework.

"Kyle, lets go in the living room and talk."

This sounded ominous. Her attitude indicated this was more than a friendly talk, and it probably meant something bad was in his future.

"Ms. Jayne Wood, your teacher, called me with a report." There was a long pause. "She said you have been asking about special boys who are made into girls. You have asked her unusual questions more than once, and she received a report that you even asked a female classmate to get information for you. Do you know what I am talking about?"

Kyle nodded. Hillary reported him after all.

"You were asking about special boys who are selected to be made into girls so that they can continue in school and eventually go to college. She asked if we had ever discussed this at home, and if you had ever expressed such interests.

"Let me tell you something. First, this topic is not something a boy your age should be concerned about. Second, asking about these things is likely to get you into trouble. Third, the stability of our society depends on everyone following appropriate career and gender roles as determined by social experts. But, since you started it, I will tell you a little about boys who are selected to be made into girls. The feminization treatment is something that is done only with special boys whose personality indicates that they will be extremely sympathetic with our feminist society and who also have exceptional talents that make them suitable for one of the highly trained professions. If they meet all the criteria they are put into a special physical and mental treatment program that makes them into girls. The transition is complete, permanent, and they grow up to live as women. Is that enough for you?"

"How long has this been going on?," Kyle asked with hesitation.

"In the early years of the Great Social Transformation there was a great need for technical talent to rebuild the country. Our leaders remembered how Imperial China used eunuchs as trusted servants of the court. You know what a eunuch is? No? I'll explain later. Men who were willing to serve the feminist cause were spared from banishment to the work camps, but had to make a physical sacrifice to show their loyalty and commitment. Because this first generation of contributing males became eunuchs as adults they were incomplete men, not real women. The policy of retaining the intellectual skills of effeminate males evolved. Now counselors and teachers look for exceptional young boys in elementary school and start feminizing them while really young."

What was his mother trying to tell him? When he looked up he saw that is mother had tears streaming down her face.

"Why did you start asking these questions. I never expected this to happen. Compared to typical boys you have been unusually close to me. I may have made mistakes bringing you up. Now I don't know what will happen. "

Kyle was both frightened and confused.

"Ms. Wood asked me a lot of questions and I am sure she was taking notes as we talked. After a while she said she was going to report this situation to the school counseling staff. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Kyle wandered off to his room, threw himself down on the bed, and sobbed. After a while he started wondering if his many years of outstanding scores in school would still be his salvation. With great effort he tried to do some homework before dozing off completely exhausted.

Kyle could see that his mother was still upset the next morning at breakfast. He ate quickly and figured it was best to get out of her way. But, when he tried to go Mother wanted to talk.

" Kyle, we never talk very much about our relationship and your personality. I guess I find it all very difficult."

"That's OK, Mom."

"Maybe we should have had this conversation earlier. I would be delighted to have had a daughter. Is being made into a girl something that you would have wanted? You are too old for all this now."

Kyle did not know how to respond to that bombshell. And what did her last remark mean?

"Ms. Wood said that a lot of what will happen to you needs to be determined by the career counselor and other professionals. She said she was concerned about you, and that you probably will not like what you will be told by the counselor. Remember that I love you no matter what the outcome."

Kyle headed to school as usual, but deliberately avoided looking at Ms. Wood as he walked into history class. From his mother's remarks he was not sure whether Ms. Wood was his friend, his foe, or was just a pawn playing an assigned role. As soon as the room settled down Kyle was singled out.

"Kyle Clark, you have a meeting in the counselor's office scheduled for this class time tomorrow. Please go directly there."

Kyle realized that everyone was staring at him. Looking around he saw Stacy looking smug, but Hillary was looking sympathetic. Jimmy a had curious look that changed as the teacher addressed him next.

"James Smith, I am also excusing you from social studies tomorrow. You can occupy yourself outside on the sports field. Just stay on the school grounds.

"Girls, since both Kyle and James will be absent tomorrow I will adjust the topic schedule a bit. We will discuss how the Great Social Transformation and modern medical technology has change human reproduction compared to prior times. As eighth graders much of this will be unfamiliar to you, and it will be much easier to talk explicitly without any potential sperm donors around."

She waited for the giggling to die down. "Now, let us start today's lesson."

As they headed out after class Jimmy body checked Kyle forcibly against the hallway wall. "You dumb shit - what kind of trouble are you causing? Why are you asking about being allowed to stay in school and all that? Do you think you wanna be a girl?"

Jimmy tilted his head, glared in an assertive manner, and headed off. Kyle felt his sore shoulder but it did not feel like he had been bumped hard enough to cause any swelling. As he looked up he noticed Hillary slipping over to be within earshot.

"We only have a few seconds to talk. I didn't reported you. I decided to help you and was looking things up in the library. Stacy came by and saw the websites I had open. She demanded I tell her what I was doing. She asked what you and I were talking about last time. She figured everything out. Stacy is the one who reported you. I'm sorry. Bye. Good luck."

Kyle's mind was racing. Hillary actually tried to answer his questions. What is the counselor going to say to me tomorrow? Ms. Wood had said I would not like what I was going to be told. Why do Mother and Ms. Wood seem so apprehensive? Am I in trouble?

The next morning Kyle got up and picked out his newest and best school clothes. Boys usually are totally casual and informal about their school presentation, but somehow Kyle suspected that he should look neat and well groomed for today's meeting. He inspected his body while washing. He was still short, thin, and had not developed any face or body hair. He got a lot of teasing from the other boys about this in the gym locker room, but he did not care. He was not even embarrassed in school choir when he had to stand with the girls and sing the soprano line rather than the tenor or bass parts that had become the voice range of Jimmy and the few other boys remaining in school. He had learned about body changes in puberty and was not looking forward to them.

Kyle sat nervously on a chair in the counselor's office waiting area enduring glances through the window from people passing in the hallway. Officially boys came here to be evaluated for their future apprenticeship or work assignment after finishing their formal education and were ready to be removed from school. But, much more commonly boys were sent here to be disciplined for some transgression against the social order. Suddenly his name was called and he was ushered through an office door, where he saw a wooden chair in front of the desk of a kindly, attractive woman in a well-tailored business dress. She looked familiar and Kyle suddenly remembered that Ms. Madeline Lee was Hillary's mother. The family resemblance was striking.

"Kyle Smith, I will be brief and to the point. I have received a report that you have been asking questions about inappropriate topics. In response I have reviewed your files and talked to those who know you. The information I have received from your teachers and your mother present me with an unusual and difficult case.

"First a few quick questions to see if your answers match what others have told me: Are you looking forward to your assigned career role as a construction foreman? Do you enjoy being in school? Do you want to continue in school and be trained for a technical profession? And lastly, did you enjoy playing with Hillary and Stacy and the other girls when you were in first through forth grade?"

The questions were unexpected, but Kyle was a quick thinker. Without hesitation he answered, "No, yes, yes very much, and yes those were the most fun times of my life!"

"Exactly what I expected. Very direct and well spoken. I will also mention that I am impressed by your appearance today. You are very well groomed for a boy. Unfortunately, we have a problem. Let me explain.

"Your academic record and personality assessments indicate that when you in elementary school you likely met the criteria to be one of the exceptional boys who were selected for reassignment as a girl. At an early age you showed great potential for being successfully made into a girl and growing up as a female. As you progressed in school year by year your academic performance continued to be far above what is expected for a boy, and was even well above average for a girl. The recent interviews I conducted with your teachers indicates that your classroom demeanor, and your relationship with your mother are still very similar to what is normally expected for a girl. Your socialization in Elementary School indicated distinctly feminine preferences, but it appears that in Middle School you started to keep your feeling hidden, perhaps to avoid bullying.

"Overall, the files indicate that you should have been identified as a reassignment candidate. You should have been given the option to become a girl years ago."

Kyle was on the edge of the chair listening. This all sounded so promising.

"However, as I said there is a problem. For some reason you were not properly assessed back in Elementary School. Your promising characteristics were overlooked. No one initiated the necessary actions. No support statement from your mother is on record. As a result you have wasted the last four years attending middle school as a boy. You have missed out on important socialization and intellectual enrichment experiences."

Kyle looked down at the floor. "Are you saying that I missed my chance?"

"There may still be a way for you to become a girl. Do you want to hear about this option?".

Kyle looked desperate, and it took a moment to make a sound. "Yes."

"The Great Social Transformation had the goal of putting all the important positions in society in the hands of females to prevent any recurrence of the times of trouble. Our country exists in a hostile world and needs all the available intellectual and technical talent to maintain our country's international stature and the ability to preserve and defend our feminist ideals. Exceptional intellectual gifts are not constrained by biological sex. Our leaders realized that they could not waste exceptional math and science talent just because the brain was in a male body. Your mother told you about the eunuchs who served the Feminist Republic in the early years. These incomplete men served their purpose, but were politically suspect and often unreliable.

"Now, the goal is to select these exceptional male talents as young as possible and begin the feminization process early. Normally candidates spend four or five years being fully socialized as girls before medical intervention to start female puberty. The long preparatory period with annual progress evaluation ensures that we identify those who will grow up to be mentally as well as physically female.

"You are twelve, almost thirteen, and are at the threshold of male puberty. Basically according to the normal standards you are too old to be a candidate for reassignment as a girl."

Kyle slumped back in the chair in despair. There seemed to be no hope; no chance to continue in school; no future other than the work camps, only a grim future as a man.

The counselor waited a moment for all this to sink in before continuing. "However, your case is exceptional. Looking at your elementary school file I see someone who would have been an excellent candidate for reassignment both intellectually and socially, but something went wrong. Since then you have shown absolutely extraordinary ability in math, science, and social studies. Your behavioral evaluations are also very favorable for a male student. I do not think our society should let your talents go to waste in the work camps. You are also fortunate in that you have a naturally androgynous build and have not yet started puberty. Your mind and body would likely still respond well to treatment.

Ms Lee gave a sly smile. " How would you feel if you started growing breasts like the other girls your age?"

Kyle's eyes went wide. Before he could answer Ms. Lee resumed, "Your expression and body language tell me I have guessed right. Emotional responses to unexpected questions tell a counselor a great deal about your innermost thoughts."

"You mean I might still be able to become a girl?" Kyle asked in a tentative voice.

"Maybe. I talked to my peer counselors and they agreed your situation is unique. They recommended a full assessment and a committee review of your case as quickly as possible. The first task will be for you to take the eighth grade aptitude test which is scheduled in three weeks. Normally boys never take this test because they are at the end of their schooling, but there is no rule prohibiting it. I can just put your name on the roster.

"I need to warn you that you will be at a big disadvantage for the test. As a boy you have not taken the math and science enrichment classes that girls on the science and technology track are offered, nor have you participated in the intellectually stimulating extracurricular clubs that we provide to develop girl's social and mental skills. You will have to rely on your native ability and wit.

"If you pass this academic assessment hurdle you will still need to be fully evaluated for gender traits at the Regional Assessment Center. You have not spent the past four or five years being socialized as a girl. You will have a hard time convincing some of my peers that you are a viable candidate for gender reassignment at your age. But, if you do exceptionally well on the aptitude test you will at least have a chance to present your case to the regional gender and career evaluation team. My hope is that you can win the skeptics over."

Kyle left the counselor's office in a daze. The meeting had taken only a few minutes, but had felt like a lifetime. It was still social studies period so Jimmy would be outside throwing a ball against a wall or doing some similar typical boy activity. Kyle was not interested in being with Jimmy right now. He did not feel like phoning his mother either. He needed time to get his thoughts in order before confronting her with what he has learned. The person he really wanted to talk to was Hillary, but he well knew from past experience that this would be risky. Boy-girl conversations were highly discouraged at school, and he did not want to cause any trouble, especially now. Still. Hillary might be able to help.

Everything was so confusing. How was he ever going to be able to pass the aptitude assessment on his wit alone? And what did Ms. Lee mean when she talked about needing to be fully evaluated for gender traits? How would Mother react? Who were is allies in all this?

Chapter 2 - Aptitude Test and Consequences.
Synopsis: Mother reacts to the information from the counselor. Kyle must soon take the aptitude test normally given only to honors-track girls and demonstrate that he is intelligent enough to be considered for gender reassignment. The counselor explains the psychological testing that needs to happen next.

Later that afternoon Kyle managed to get near Hillary on the school steps when no one was nearby. It almost appeared that she had been lingering near the door just to give him a chance to talk to her.

"Quick, tell me what happened."

" I was told that I should have been made into a girl years ago. I might still have a chance. Not a great chance, but possible. I need to make up for lost time. First I need to do extraordinarily well on the eighth grade aptitude assessment. I know this is not normal. They are letting me take the test." Kyle was out of breath with excitement. Hillary's eyes were wide open. Given that Hillary had tried to help instead of reporting him, and her mother's supportive comments made him decide to take another risk. "I need your help."

Hillary did not show any negative body language so Kyle rushed on. "I need to get some advanced math and science books so I can study. I never had all the classes that you girls get to take. I can't get unapproved books from the library. Please, could you loan me a couple of books?"

Hillary looked around. No one seemed to be noticing their conversation. "There are rules that say males are not allowed to study forbidden topics. What you are asking could get us both into trouble. But, I always thought you should have been a girl. I'll try to help. How can I get the books to you?"

"Just leave them somewhere where I can find them. If I get accepted into the treatment ...." Just then they noticed Ms. Wood at the top of the steps talking to a crowd of year-six girls. Kyle and Hillary headed in opposite directions without looking at each other again.

Kyle headed home with his emotions bouncing between absolute ecstasy over the possibility of being made into a girl and the depths of self doubt about the assessments he would need to go through. He rehearsed the things he wanted to discuss with his mother after dinner.

That evening Kyle helped did even more housework than usual. He helped prepare dinner and then went and did some cleaning and straightening up. He wanted to make a statement. As expected, after dinner Mother indicated they should go in the living room.

"Sit down on this cushion in front of me, dear. OK, now fold your legs under you to one side and put your hands in your lap. Yes, sit just like you did when you were little."

Mother started gently brushing his hair. Kyle was confused. This was something Mom had not done with him for years; not since third or maybe forth grade. "I talked to Ms. Lee this afternoon and she gave me an update. I wish things had taken a different path. It would have been wonderful to have had a daughter these past few years. Now all I can do is think about the advice from Ms. Lee and Ms. Wood, and try to do the best for you."

"What are you talking about Mom?"

"I know what the counselor told you today. Ms. Lee said that you should have been selected as a candidate for reassignment as a girl back when you were in third grade.

"You probably did not understand what was going on back then, and even if you understood you would have forgotten the details by now. I have never been able to bring myself to talk to you about all this. Forgive me. You have such beautiful hair, if only..."

Kyle tensed up.

"It is true that during first through third grade you were an outstanding student, and your teachers noted that you had definite feminine traits like preferring to play with the girls and avoiding all rough play. So why did you not get reassigned? You were sick at home the day the counseling team visited your school to assess any boys the teachers had identified candidates for becoming girls. I did not consider your missing the appointment to be a big deal. I never had you rescheduled for the elementary school level gender and career assessment."

"Mom, why not?," Kyle pleaded. Had he lost out on his chance to stay in school and avoid a male work assignment due to a mistake?

"I remember one of your school's counselors calling to remind me to get you rescheduled, but I was not enthusiastic for lots of reasons. I procrastinated day by day, and never contacted your school about rescheduling the assessment."

Kyle could see that his mother was avoiding eye contact.

"Anyway, time passed and you moved on from elementary school into middle school and started forth grade. I found all these issues to be very difficult to deal with. Before I sorted out my thoughts you were had been identified for training in a semi-skilled trade. You seemed happy enough as a boy, and the easiest course was to just let things continue as they were heading. But I had my doubts. If things had worked out differently I am sure you would be happily on your way to womanhood now.

"Eventually I learned that the activists who claimed that the reassignment of boys for feminization was evil were actually fronts for some of our society's enemies. All the claims of harm to the child were misinformation. As Ms. Lee reminded me today, our society has developed sophisticated tools for evaluating boys at an early age and identifying the ones with excellent potential for a happy and successful feminization."

Kyle was fidgeting uncomfortably. "I need to go to the bathroom."

"OK, dear. Are you going to sit down and wipe after, like other girls do?"

"Mom, I only stand with the guys at school. I always sit to pee at home, you know that. It keeps the bathroom cleaner."

"I know. That is the sort of thing that has been giving me doubts about you for a long time. I am sorry about not ..."

"I have to go." Both his brain and bladder were full. He needed a moment alone to digest everything Mother had said. Mother clearly had regrets about what had not happened. Tonight she brushed his hair just like she did years ago when she called the experience 'girl time.' He had noted the "like other girls" in her choice of words. She must have been aware of his feminine inclinations, and had never done anything about it. But Kyle realized that he had always been afraid to bring up gender topics too.

The next day Kyle was alone as he headed out of the school for home. Jimmy was clearly avoiding him. Ahead, he saw Hillary and Stacy walking in a direction that would cross his path. Both were carrying stacks of books. Their arms were in front of their chests underneath the books, a way of carrying books that Kyle had been reprimanded for occasionally imitating. Hillary looked him in the eye, smiled, and nodded her head in a 'follow me' gesture.

The two girls sat down on a bench facing the school yard fence. Kyle interpreted Hillary's body language to indicate he should keep his distance so he slouched against another part of the fence and tried to hide his anticipation. After a brief pause Hillary and Stacy got up and headed off. Kyle tried to not call attention to himself or the three books he saw that Hillary had left on the bench.

Once he was sure that no one was watching Kyle strolled over to the bench, picked up the books, put them under his arm and headed away at a quick pace. Boys were not expected to do much homework so a boy carrying even one, let alone three, books is something people might notice. Fortunately, he was able to get home without anyone asking what he was doing with all those books.

He dashed up to his room, closed and latched the door, took a deep breath, and looked for the first time at what Hillary had left him. There were two books that looked like test preparation: Advanced Science for College Entrance Exams, and Honors Algebra and Trigonometry with Pre-calculus. The third book looked like biographies of famous women both before and after the Great Social Transformation. Each was several hundred pages, and the aptitude test was in only three weeks. Was he even going to be able to understand anything from these books when his previous education constrained to grade-school arithmetic and basic rote-learning science? Kyle knew he had to try.

Without wasting a moment Kyle started reading. The science and math topics looked far more advanced than what he had heard that the honors section eighth grade girls studied. Where had Hillary gotten these books? As he turned the pages he found a couple of pieces of note paper between the pages. The first was a welcome message:

"I would love to see you join us girls in High School next year. Study hard and good luck. Hillary."

The other note surprised him completely. "I am sorry. Forgive me. Stacy"

These expressions of support filled Kyle with encouragement but he knew he had a lot of work ahead. He rushed through dinner and a quick kitchen cleanup and then dashed back to his room where he studied as long as he could stay awake. This became his daily routine. Realizing that he had to make use of every moment he started scribbling cryptic notes on paper that he could contemplate at while sitting in his regular undemanding classes.

One day Ms. Wood was walking around the room during reading time and noticed Kyle had a paper filled with lines, letters, and numbers folded inside his book.

"What do you have there? Show me."

Kyle wondered if he had been caught doing forbidden math. Ms Lee, the counselor and Hillary's mother, had said that his social and behavioral school record had been favorable up to now. This was not the time to get disciplined for doing something forbidden in class.

Reluctantly he handed her the paper. He watched her frown as she tried to figure out what is was about. Finally she tore it up and threw it in the trash can.

"I don't know what this is all about, but I do not think it is proper for you. Are you and James exchanging messages? Go back to your reading."

Kyle relaxed. Ms. Wood was a social studies teacher, and she likely had not studied very much geometry. Kyle's calculations probably looked like secret code to her.

After that close call Kyle started memorizing a few problems each morning before leaving for school. During the day he could solve them various ways in his head and anyone watching him would think he was daydreaming. Although his emphasis had been the math and science books Kyle also managed to read a little from the biographies of famous women. During the school day he would recall events from these women's lives and try to find connections between them.

Fortunately, his mother respected his privacy and allowed him to shut himself up in his room every evening. He told her he had to get is mind in order for the upcoming test, but did not tell her about the books from Hillary hidden in his closet.

"Dear, what are you doing saying up so late every evening?"

"Thinking about the aptitude test. Focusing my mind. Looking at my school books."

"I wish you had some more advanced books to study. I would like to help, but you know it is forbidden for boys to read the kind of books that are studied by girls preparing for science, engineering, technology, and math careers or even the humanities books that are studied by girls preparing for management or politics. We will both be assessed by the gender and career committee, and I we do not want either of us to be caught breaking the rules."

She looked directly at him. "I am not going to search to see if you have anything hidden in your room. Never visit forbidden web pages. The servers record search history."

The night before the test Mother convinced Kyle to let her brush his hair before going to bed early. Kyle slept soundly, exhausted by his late night studying in recent weeks. In the morning Kyle was offered a cup of caffeinated tea and a large sweet roll.

"Something to stimulate your thinking and give you a sugar rush, too," she said with a smile. "Good luck Dear, be confident that you are as smart as any girl."

Kyle arrived at school and headed toward the testing room. He waited down the hall and watched the girls stream in until a few minutes before the scheduled start. Then, he walked in a went to an empty desk that looked inconspicuous in the back corner. Even so, heads turned as the girls wondered what a boy was doing in the testing room. The proctors were handing out test materials and scratch paper while scanning for cheat sheets and electronic devices. The bell rang and the test started.

Kyle stopped doing the deep breathing meditation exercises his mother had taught him, and stared at the first page. For a moment nothing made sense. The first math section looked like nothing that he had ever seen in arithmetic books. Of course, these questions involved trigonometry. But, how was he supposed to know the values of trig functions?

He focused on a mental image of the famous 30-60-90 triangle with sides of one, two, square root of three. Suddenly he could calculate the sine of 60 degrees. This line of thinking got him through the first few problems and built confidence. Of course, a 45 degree triangle had sides in proportion of one, one, square root of two. More problems solved. Then things got much harder and more abstract. All of a sudden Kyle recalled that sine squared plus cosine squared of the same angle always equaled one. This substitution simplified another group of problems that looked impossible at first. Then came an algebra section. The first part was easy but then the questions got harder. Kyle suddenly realized he was unsure of the quadratic formula. This formula would be the key to a long series of questions. An inspiration came to him - he could check his recollection of the formula by comparing to an easy equation that he could solve by factoring. Eventually he hit the pre-calculus questions. All he could do is look at the questions and make a logical guess at the answers.

The first break time came. As the students headed out into the hallway he heard a sarcastic snarl from behind, "What are you doing here? Do you think you're a girl?"

"Leave him alone, he has the counselor's permission to take the test. Mind your business."

Whoever snipped at him headed off as Kyle looked up "Thanks, Hillary."

"Are you doing OK, Kyle? That math part was tough. I had to skip a lot of questions. I have to go before some sees us talking. Good luck."

Kyle walked past the long line of waiting girls and headed directly into the boys room. Since there were no other boys in the room he went into a stall and sat down. It seemed like the right thing to do today. As headed back to the testing room he passed some girls still waiting their turn, and realized that even in feminist society there are a few male privileges remaining. But, if his mother had just rescheduled his assessment back in grade school he would now be happily in the girls' line.

He always though Hillary was really smart, but she said she had to skip math questions. Kyle knew that is was always better to answer rather than skip a question if you had at least an even chance of being right. If Hillary was skipping questions the test must have been at a really high level.

The next section was involved chemistry, physics and technology. Exactly the subjects boys were forbidden to study in school. Everything in the clandestine review books had been new and confusing. Kyle stared at the first few questions unsure of how to even start.

After a few deep breaths he looked at the questions again. He recalled that energy has the dimensions of mass times length squared divided by time squared. Using this and the dimensions of other quantities like acceleration and velocity he could quickly deduce the correct form of the equation the solved the word problem. One after another he tackled the mechanics and dynamics problems. Energy conservation was always the key. He slowed down on the first electricity problems, but then remembered that there was an analogy of electric current to fluid flow. Fortunately he had been taught basic plumbing problems as part of the schooling given to boys on the construction trade track. Using these ideas allowed deducing more formulas based on those he had already done. The session ending bell rang and Kyle had only a few problems left unfinished. He slumped in his chair aware that the morning sugar and caffeine rush had worn off.

Next was an essay section. The writing prompt suggested that this essay tested reasoning ability, social thinking and rhetorical argument. He needed something to write about, but could recall only a few disconnected chapters from the biography book. Calming himself down he took a few minutes to mentally outline his ideas, and then started composing the essay that might seal his fate. He did not have many facts to work with so he started with what he had and tried to build a logical story. He wrote about the actions of the transgender army soldier Chelsea Manning who had leaked classified information during the Iraq war and the brilliant cyberdefenses created by the eunuch computer scientist Natalya Rusik during the times of trouble. He then tied those two examples together with a totally speculative argument that gender dysphoria played a central role in motivating both of them to loyally serve the causes of freedom and feminism at great personal risk.

Kyle stared at the floor as he headed out of the testing room. His face was pale and his body was slumped forward as he walked. The chatter of the girls comparing their experiences on the test was unbearable. He noticed Hillary and Stacy walking briskly down the hall.

"Cheer up," Hillary whispered as she passed. Before he could reply Stacy made quick eye contact, smiled, and then both girls turned and kept going.

When he got home he smelled his favorite dinner simmering on the stove. That evening his mother pampered and consoled him. As she brushed his hair she kept reassuring him that he had tried his best and that she would support him no matter the outcome. Now all Kyle could do was wait for the test results.

He went to bed early and collapsed. During the night he woke up with a nightmare. He was being told that he was too old to become a girl and that he was going to become a construction foreman in the work camp. After this he tossed and turned until it was time to get up.

A week later Kyle was called out of class, this time by a hall monitor, and told to go follow her to the counselor's office. Most of the girls were starring at him as he headed out the door. His heart was racing as he walked solemnly down the hallway. Given all the questions he had struggled with on the test he was ready to be told that he had not done well. As soon as he opened the counseling center door Madeline Lee greeted him with an inscrutable expression. She directed him into her private office and directed him to sit down.

"I am sure you are wondering what I have to say. Do you want to know how you did on the test?"

Kyle's palms were sweating and his mouth was dry. Why is she playing these mind games with me, he thought.

Ms. Lee's face filled with a friendly smile. "Kyle, you exceeded all expectations. I have been working in this counseling office only a couple of years, but my coworkers tell me that no girl in this school has ever done as well. Your performance was absolutely amazing.

"You took the test we give to honors-track eighth graders. It is the same basic test we repeat each year throughout high school. That way we can assess progress and find the girls who should be in even more accelerated classes. Many of the questions you answered correctly were at the level expected of a tenth or eleventh grade student, and a few were actually college level material.

"Ever since I first examined your file I believed that a terrible mistake was made back in elementary school, and that you deserved reconsideration for feminization. I found evidence of a strong curiosity and interest in math and science that motivates your desire to continue in school through high school and college even if it requires giving up any possibility of manhood. Based on your aptitude test results I am totally convinced of the merits of your case, and I will be your champion. I will have to write letters and sit through meetings, but the payoff will be wonderful for everyone concerned. Minds like yours are rare, and our Feminist Republic will benefit by your being allowed to go to college and then join an appropriate profession.

Kyle's head was spinning. Was this all possible?

"Kyle Clark, do you want to continue in school, go to college, and dedicate your career to the benefit of feminist society?"

"Yes. Of course!," Kyle nearly shouted

"Now, I need to ask the big question." Madeline looked deeply into Kyle's eyes as she evaluated his demeanor and body language. "Do you want to be made into a girl, completely, permanently a girl?"

Kyle was ready. "Yes, more than anything in the world," he said softly.

" Marvelous. I have known you personally since you were friends with Hillary in elementary school. Everything I have learned about your personality indicated that you will welcome the opportunity for gender reassignment. But, I needed to hear you say it.

" Do you want me to call your mother at work right now and let her know the news? Oh, and do I also have your permission to tell Hillary everything? You know she has been anxiously waiting ever since the test."

After a, short but emotional conversation with Mother, Ms. Lee indicated there was more to talk about.

"At this point you have demonstrated your intellectual merit, and this was an essential, crucial step. The aptitude that you have shown makes the next step possible. You also will have to be assessed by a counseling team for gender traits including your commitment to transitioning, your gender expression, your sexual identity, and your political reliability. Getting through this assessment will be even harder than the aptitude test because so much depends on female socialization, something that you have missed over the last four years. Getting you ready for this personality assessment will take more preparation than the cramming you did for the aptitude test."

Kyle jerked back. What had she figured out?

"It is clear that you had help getting ready for the math and science test," she said firmly. "Surprised? I know some of what happened." She paused and stared at him.

"Don't worry about being accused of cheating. The proctors were suspicious as soon as they saw a boy in the room, and you were watched closely. I got them to document in writing that they saw no improper behavior on your part. Besides, how could you have been copying someone's answers when you were doing better than anyone else in the room?

"I am talking about the books Hillary loaned you. She shared forbidden material with you."

"Is she in trouble?"

"Well, I explained to her what the famous civil rights leader John Lewis long ago called 'good trouble.' Hillary did something that was wrong, but for a good reason. I may have even conspired with her in finding the books that would help you the most."

Kyle looked at Ms Lee wondering what was next.

"Regarding borrowed books and test preparation, your essay section was most impressive. It was so good that during the counselors' meeting several of the women on the evaluation team asked how a boy could possibly know so much about Manning and Ruskin. They knew you were not taught any of this in school because the history textbooks used in mixed gender classes do not cover such topics, and we severely restrict the books boys are allowed to get from the library. I did not like the direction that the conversation was going. To protect you I very deliberately said, 'we should focus on the quality of HER thinking about gender and political topics.' This was enough to get everyone distracted from the question of how you knew all those facts, and my choice of pronoun helped set a new tone for the rest of the discussion.

"I will remind you, my main job as a counselor is to do the best for each girl in this school, I am including you now, and to advance the security and prosperity our feminist society. I am not paid to enforce rules. I will not say anything more about your test preparation to anyone."

"Thank you, I promise I will stay out of trouble."

"Now listen closely. I know this is all exciting to you, but do not rush ahead of the official process. At the moment you are still legally a boy, and are subject to all the rules our society has imposed to keep males in there place. There is much wisdom behind the structure of our Feminist Republic. Long ago the ancient Greek thinker Plato described an ideal republic where an educated elite of wisdom-loving philosophers advised the king. His mistake was that he assumed that patriarchy was the ideal. That nonsense dominated political and social thinking for centuries.

Our society has adapted Plato's ideas, but with women in charge. The laws must be followed to maintain social order. There are special rules for those undergoing gender reassignment. but it is not clear how they apply to someone who is starting at your age. With luck and hard work I hope you will soon meet the requirements and be officially reassigned as female. Until then stay out of trouble. Whenever your are at school or out in public you need to continue to present your self as a boy and follow all the appropriate rules and restrictions. Understood?"

Kyle nodded as he wondered how long this suspended transition state was going to last.

"In private things will need to be different. Before you can officially reassigned as a female the counseling team will need to sign off on your personality, social, and political assessments. These issues are subjective, and your living as a boy through middle school puts you at a big disadvantage. Just as you crammed for the aptitude test you must now spend every private minute developing and nurturing the personality appropriate for a girl your age. When you arrive at the assessment center you must look, act, and think like a girl. Your internal identity must be a girl. It will be very hard to accomplish this. Your mother and I will help you. Are you ready and willing?"

Kyle nodded again but he was shaking in the chair. This morning he was terrified that he had not done well enough on the aptitude test, and now he was being told that a more difficult assessment was ahead. He had a general idea of what she was talking about but had no idea of what developing a girl's personality would involve. And he had to achieve this personality change quickly.

He thought about how he had spent forth through eighth grades as a boy. It was not just being restricted to lower level classes. He also had been forced to play sports and do other boy things while Hillary and Stacy and all his other elementary school friends were participating in things like music, dance, girl scouts, and science club. He had been wearing blue jeans and work shirts while the girls came to school in pretty skirts and dresses. In the morning he splashed water on his face and ran his fingers through the mop of hair that his mother had kept a bit on the long side. The girls had been getting professional hair styling and were even experimenting with a touch of makeup. He did not know what girls did on sleep-overs, but he was sure he was missing important experiences there too.

Madeline Lee saw the Kyle had calmed down. "Let me reassure you. Your elementary school file indicates that you were clearly showing feminine traits before the age of seven. We know that personality is largely determined by that age. When you were not assessed for reassignment you entered middle school as a boy. To stay out of trouble with your peers you learned to suppress outward feminine expression. But the feelings never went away, did they? I know you have been close to your mother and that she has shared limited female experiences with you. I have talked to Hillary about how you try to secretly still be friendly with her. Yes, I know counselor's should not be taking with students about their classmates, but remember what I said about good trouble. From what she tells me, and from all the evidence in your file I am sure you can convince the assessment team that you have potential to become a girl. We need to bring out your feminine traits and let you blossom.

"There is one more thing we need to discuss. At your age sexual identity is a difficult topic to discuss explicitly, but you need to confront it. Part of the assessment is to determine whether you are homosexual, or to use non-medical slang that you may have heard whether you are gay or a fairy. As gender and career counselors we manage an assessment process designed to select boys who have the potential to become highly intellectual transgender women who have healthy relationships with other women. From historical experience we know that feminized gay men are not politically reliable. Their loyalties will always be torn between feminist society and their male lovers. Do you understand what I am talking about?"

"A little." Even at his young age Kyle had heard about gay men, but did not understand much.

"I have told you enough for now. The immediate task is for you to do everything possible to make your mind into that of a modern eighth grade girl. Only after everyone is convinced that your mind is female can you be scheduled for medical procedures that will permanently change your body.

"I am very concerned about how close you must be to puberty. In health class you learned about all the changed that take place in boys as they enter their teen years. Obviously, we do not want that to happen. If we delay your social and psychological assessment for few extra months it will give you more time to prepare. But your biological clock is ticking. It would be a tragedy if you started puberty while waiting for the psychological and personality assessment phase to be completed. I am going to schedule you for an appointment with Dr. Rebecca Taylor who my be able to help. She will call your mother tomorrow."

Kyle arrived late at his next class. As he gazed around the room he looked at the girls differently from before. He was confident that next year he would be one of them.

When he got home that afternoon Mother was obvious agitated "We have a lot to talk about. When Ms. Lee called from school I learned that I have a brilliant child. Congratulations on the test. I wanted to know more, but I had to be careful talking from work. People might hear. Tell me everything Ms. Lee discussed and how you feel about all this."

Kyle excitedly told her more about the test results and Ms. Lee's saying she would be his champion, but became more subdued as he related the upcoming psychological assessments. At times Mom would stare misty eyed into the distance.

"I admit that I made a mistake not having you assessed in elementary school, but that is all past. I will also admit that I have enjoyed our private girl time together like when you helped around the house and when I brushed your hair in the evening. I was so confused. I would have preferred having a daughter, but I had resigned myself to the fact that I gave birth to a boy. I raised you according to the socially accepted rules and guidelines of today's culture."

Kyle tried to understand her message. She clearly did not share his enthusiasm about becoming a girl.

"I do not want anything bad to happen to you. What Ms. Lee is talking about will be a difficult path with necessary steps that involve mental and physical pain. I know a little about what boys selected for feminization are subjected to. Is staying in school so important to you that your are willing to permanently give up being a boy?"

"Yes, yes. That is what I told Ms. Lee," Kyle cried desperately. "Please help me become a girl. I have never wanted to ..."

"Calm down. This is all so sudden. I need to think about it. Ms. Lee made an appointment for us to talk with a gender treatment doctor about your situation. I do not want to agree to anything drastic until after we both have talked to her."

The next morning Kyle could see that Mother was very stressed. He ate silently and did not bother her with his own troubling thoughts. He stayed in his room studying until it was time to go.

Chapter 3 - Doctor's Refusal and Mother's Continued Reluctance

Synopsis: Kyle is told by the gender doctor that he needs to have the psychological assessment before she will prescribe anything. His mother continues to be a reluctant participant in the feminization process.

All the medical interventions for feminizing boys were centralized at the regional facility. It was a long drive to get there, but neither Kyle or his mother Ann felt like talking on the way. Finally they arrived, checked the building directory, and found Dr. Taylor's suite. After the registration formalities Kyle was told to wait in an examining room while his mother was interviewed by Dr. Taylor in her office. The nurse assistant efficiently checked his vital signs, asked some medical history questions, and then left. Kyle sat looking around room. He noticed a wall rack of information pamphlets with titles like "Hormones and the Transitioning Boy" and "Deciding the Best Options for Surgery." He was about to start reading one of them when he heard the doorknob turn. He quickly sat down as Dr. Taylor entered.

"Good morning, Kyle. You may call me Dr. Rebecca. First names with title create more open doctor-patient dialog while still maintaining a professional relationship." She had a highly professional manner, but obviously knew how to put patients at ease.

"Ms. Madeline Lee, your counselor, has asked me to meet with you on short notice and prior to your psychological evaluation here at the Regional Center. This is unusual. Because of your age your case is a challenging one. Our regional team has evaluated many boys for gender reassignment. As you probably know, only very special boys are considered; each individual school typically refers someone for reassignment evaluation only every couple of years. Not every boy who is evaluated there is approved to become a girl. I have reviewed the material sent me by Ms. Lee, and I have now spoken to your mother."

Kyle was breathing heavily and his fingers were gripping the chair arms.

"You appear to have been showing favorable traits since early childhood, and the fact that you were not fully evaluated in third grade or soon after is most unfortunate. Now I am confronted with a child whose amazing aptitude scores indicates potential to make important scientific contributions, but who has spent his middle school years being educated and socialized as a boy. Everything would have been much easier if you had been evaluated in a timely manner It is almost certain that you would have been referred to this clinic four or five years ago. Your psychological evaluations, social transitioning, and medical treatments would have been started at the proper time and in the proper sequence using our current feminization protocols.

Your situation is further complicated by your mother's ambiguous attitude. The last few days have involved a lot of new information, and she is very stressed by your situation. Your mother may need support and counseling. I am telling you this because successful feminization of a boy requires an adult female's full and unconditional support.

"Ms. Lee scheduled this emergency appointment because she is concerned about how close you may be to puberty. The good news is that you still have a little boy's androgynous body. You have not developed an adolescent physique, nor has your voice started to change. There are drugs I could prescribe that would keep your male hormones from initiating irreversible changes.

"Boys who are referred here on the normal schedule are given hormone blockers and a low dose of estrogen when they start middle school. The drugs affect their bodies, but more importantly affect the development of their minds."

Kyle was ready to tell her how much he wanted her help. The doctor looked at him with a sad expression.

"In recent decades nearly all gender reassignments have started much earlier than your current age. You fall outside the scope of the standard protocols, and adjustments would need to be made. There is little clinical outcomes research to guide me."

Kyle did not like what she was implying.

"But, the crucial problem is that you have not yet been given the psychological, social, and political assessments for gender reassignment. In fact, it appears that Ms. Lee has not even gotten you scheduled for this here at the Regional Center. As a responsible professional I do not believe in starting medical interventions until all the recommended age-based assessments have been done and the Chief Psychologist has given written approval. The purpose of the personality assessments is to be as sure as possible that the child will complete the gender transition and will grow up to be a successful and happy female.

"Although some procedures I can offer a pre-teen are reversible, others are not. If a boy leaves the feminization program, voluntarily or involuntarily, the next step is a work camp career assignment. Consider the danger. Can you imagine a beardless teen with a high voice and budding breasts arriving at a work camp? It is a disgusting fate you do not want to even think about.

"Given your mother's mixed feelings, and given that you still need psychological assessment, I do not feel comfortable providing you with any medical intervention right now."

Kyle started crying. As he sobbed his mother was brought into the room. She hugged him and started crying too. "Let's go," she sobbed. "I know you are disappointed, but I have agreed to talk to Ms. Lee privately about your situation. She was a family counselor who worked with adults before she hired on with the school. I am sure she will help me figure out ... I love you, Kyle, no matter what."

Kyle was still shaking as they left the clinic and headed back toward home.

"Do you want me to drop you off at school, or do you need to take a sick day?"

"School," Kyle said shapely. He was upset, but in school he could keep busy. When he got home he received a surprising announcement.

"Eat quickly. Ms. Lee is coming over this evening."

This was unusual, Mother often had female friends visit and sometimes spend the night, but Ms. Lee and mother had never been close friends as far as Kyle knew. From what had been said earlier he realized that this was a professional visit about him, not a social call. Kyle ate and then helped Mom clean up as he always did. Frantically he went around the living room picking up his stuff and making everything tidy. He was carrying an armload into his room when the doorbell rang.

Kyle returned to the living room and was shocked to see both Ms. Lee and Hillary standing in the doorway. He had been taught better manners than most boys. "Good evening Ms. Madeline Lee and Hillary Lee," he said nervously.

Ms. Lee immediately took charge. "I decided to bring Hillary at the last minute. I am sure you don't mind. Ann Clark and I need to talk on a professional basis. We can stay here in the living room, but would appreciate some privacy. Hillary, please go with Kyle to his room and stay there until called. Just keep the door part way open."

Kyle's mother looked shocked.

"It is all right. Hillary is mature enough to handle the situation and keep things proper. Kyle has not had a chance to really talk with her for years. Besides, we need to start using every chance we get to give Kyle experience doing the things that every normal girl does."

"But my room is a mess," Kyle said desperate for a way out of this situation.

"Nonsense, Hillary has likely seen worse", Madeline declared. "Other girls do not always keep their rooms neat either. Now get going, girls."

Hillary marched to Kyle's room and went right in.

"Did you hear her say 'get going, girls' and refer to how 'other girls' keep their rooms?" she said with a conspiratorial smile.

Kyle did not know how to answer and stood dumbfounded.

"Look Kyle, my mother is a professional counselor who understands your situation. She said she would be your champion. She is already thinking of you as a girl. She asked me to help you and, of course, I agreed. Let's make use of the time and get started."

Kyle pulled back. Like other boys his age he had received endless warnings to stay away from girls and not get into trouble. He had been told of older boys who snuck away from the work camps and who were severely punished for what they did with girls. Why did Ms. Lee come up with this crazy idea of going to his room, and why did his mother not forbid it?

"Kyle, I know what you are worried about. I am not suggesting we do the disgusting stuff boys used to pressure girls to do."

"I'm not like those men in the work camps who ..."

"Kyle, don't be afraid. I can see by your reaction that you are not into that sort of thing. Listen to me. I suspect you are not comfortable being a boy, and you need to start thinking like a girl right now.

"My mother told me that our big personality assessment will be soon. If you want to stay in school you will need to convince everyone that you have the mind of a girl. Unlike the boys who were lucky enough to be reassigned in elementary school, you have not spent years living 24/7 as a girl. I bet you have never even worn a dress."

Kyle rolled his eyes.

"That was a good start. Girls roll their eyes all the time. Now let me tell you a few girly secrets. And after I tell you my secrets you need to tell me about these pretty dance posters on your wall and explain why you have a floral bed spread."

Kyle blushed.

After nearly an hour Kyle and Hillary were called back to the living room. There was some polite conversation and then Madeline and Hillary left. Mother leaned against the wall and sighed as the door closed. Kyle busied himself cleaning up and awaited what would come next.

"We had a long, professional conversation about my feelings and your situation. I am still uncertain and confused, but I agreed to follow-up sessions with Madeline and with some other specialty counselors.

"What is important is that she convinced me that I need to be supportive of your desire to transition into a female, college-bound student. I told her that I was really concerned about the drastic changes we both would face, and the consequences if your transition attempt is not successful. I was nervous but listened to her. She insisted that the best outcome for you will be to be approved for reassignment, be accepted into the treatment program, and then grow up female. She promised that she and Hillary would do everything possible to prepare you for the next assessment step. She kept reminding me that mother's support is an important factor in successful gender reassignment.

"She told me a great deal about the psychological assessment you will need to undergo. She said you will be asked questions to evaluate your attitude on many social, sexual, and gender related issues. They will ask you to talk about things that normal boys are not comfortable with, and your answers will need to express your deepest feelings. She said you will need to instinctively think like a girl. Your suitability for becoming a girl will be evaluated using age-based progress standards. She explained that your problem is that those standards were developed based on boys that were selected for treatment when much younger. To be convincing during the interviews you will need to think, talk, move, and use body language like a girl your age. Madeline insisted that this can not be just play-acting. You have only a short time to get ready. This worries me, and I am afraid.

"She said she wants Hillary to spend as much time as possible with you between now and the personality assessment. She told me how Hillary helped you prepare for the aptitude test. She is willing to get into good trouble for your sake. I reluctantly agreed with her plans.

"You should rest now. It has been a stressful week. Girls enjoy reading in bed before falling asleep. I know you still have that biography book Hillary illegally gave to you. Curl up with it and enjoy."

Ann Clark hesitated. She remembered the pretty sleepwear she used to buy for Kyle when he was little. Would he like a nightgown again? She was too exhausted by the day's events to complete the thought.

The next day in class Kyle noticed that Hillary kept glancing at him with a knowing smile. She was nicely dressed as usual in a trendy, stylish outfit. Kyle started daydreaming about what it would feel like to go to school wearing something like that. Reluctantly he refocused his mind on the lesson. Hillary and Stacy were chatting and looking toward him at lunch, but of course kept their distance. Kyle wondered what the girls were talking about, but knew that he was still officially a boy and should not try to join their table.

Mother was unusually quiet when he got home and initially avoided eye contact. Eventually she called Kyle over.

"I am still uneasy about all this, but I promised Madeline that I would support you. On the way home from work I stopped at a store and bought some girls' panties in your size. Do you want them?"

Kyle looked at what she had placed on the table and eagerly picked up the package on top. "Thank you, Mommy." He looked at the wrapped contents with anticipation. "Can I try a pair on right away?"

"If that is what you want, OK. Remember, you must wear them only at home for now. I will need to show you how girls take care of their underwear, panties are more delicate than boys' briefs.

As Kyle dashed to his room he heard, "Come back right away and help get dinner on the table. Madeline and Hillary will be here soon."

As Kyle changed underwear he recalled some of the things Mother used to buy for him to wear at home when he was little. She never called them girls' clothes, but he remembered that the smooth fabrics and colorful prints were different from his normal school and outdoor clothes. Why did she stop?

Mom was quiet again all through dinner. There were so many things Kyle wanted to ask her about becoming a girl, but he hesitated. As he cleaned up the kitchen he wondered why his mother was so hesitant. Was it guilt about something in the past, or lack of confidence in him?

The doorbell rang, and Kyle rushed to the door. Madeline and Hillary were carrying bulging bags.

Hillary gave a knowing look. "Wait until you see what we brought."

Madeline looked Kyle over. He was wearing the informal, casual, somewhat dirty clothes typical for a boy his age. "I am going to run some errands. I expect to see someone much better dressed when I return.

"Ann, I told Hillary that she can spend as much time with Kyle as she wants, and she is enthusiastic about coming to visit here in the evenings. You will be most welcome to bring Kyle over to our house frequently as well. I even suggested that the two of them can occasionally seen associating outdoors on weekends and after school. Role expectations at school are stricter. They will need maintain social separation around school until I can give official word to the teachers and staff."

Madeline and Ann watched as Hillary handed Kyle the two bags Madeline had brought in, and then with two more bags in one hand she grabbed his arm with the other hand and led him toward his room.

"Have a good time, girls," Ms. Lee said as they disappeared.

"Madeline, what will happen if people find out that Kyle has tried to become a girl, and for some reason he is not able to, or allowed to, complete the transition?"

"Don't worry. I have carefully examined Kyle's case file; everything will work out. Trust me and be supportive. OK? I'll be back soon."

Hillary sat down the edge of Kyle's bed and started unloading the first bag. "I brought over a lot of my extra clothes for you. I have more than I need and it looks like you need some. In that small bag are some accessories, and the heavy bag has a whole bunch of girl magazines and books for your reading enjoyment."

Kyle watched at first, then realized he should help sort and refold the clothes. The colors, patterns, and textures were like nothing he owned. This all seemed amazing.

"We need to make some space in your drawers and closet so you can keep your girl clothes neat and pretty. Get me some clothes hangers."

"I only have a few hangers, most of my clothes are on the shelves and even those are really full right now too."

"Then we will make space. Go to the kitchen a get a couple of big garbage bin liners."

Kyle hesitated but did what Hillary asked. When he got back she was rummaging through his everyday clothes and throwing item after item onto a pile on the floor.

"Load these disgusting things into the garbage bags. You won't be needing them anymore."

"Wait, those are all I have. What am I going to wear?"

"Wise up, girl. From now on you need to wear girl clothes from the moment you get home until you get ready for school in the morning, and all day on weekends. At school you need to make a good impression on the teachers and staff by dressing in nice, well tailored clothes. I am sure you have noticed that girls always dress up for school. It makes a statement that they are the future members of the elite professions. No worn out, grungy boy outfits for you anymore.

"I am saving a few of your better boy clothes. You need to go to school in outfits that are the male equivalent of businesslike and professional. I will leave you enough changes of boy clothes to wear when needed from now until the personality assessments. The rest goes out."

Kyle thought about the situation. Throwing out his everyday boy clothes was a very symbolic act, and he knew he had to do it, and do it with enthusiasm. He barely started loading the first garbage bag when Hillary pulled an opened package of panties from his drawer.

"What are these pretty things?"

"My mother just bought them for me today, and ...", Kyle paused. "... and, I'm wearing a pair now."

"That's great. I did not have any panties to bring over because girls do not share used underwear. You are going to enjoy what comes next."

Soon all of Hillary's gifts were sorted and either folded in the drawers on hanging in the closet. Kyle picked up the trash bags and carried them out to the dumpster. His mother must have suspected what was going on, but did not say anything as he headed out the door. When he got back to his room Hillary gave him a conspiratorial smile.

"OK, now take off everything you are wearing, except for your panties."

Kyle instinctively turned around and started to undress.

"Cute bottom you have. Especially cute for someone who is still technically a boy. Are you looking forward to when you can start developing a girl's figure?"

Kyle was totally embarrassed, but knew he had to act like this was perfectly natural. He knew there was nothing unusual about girls getting dressed in front of each other. With effort he focused his mind on his becoming a girl and made sure to avoid any disturbing boy thoughts.

"First put this on. It's called a bralette. It is nicer than an undershirt and girls our age like to wear them until we start growing breasts and need some real support."

Hillary was amused as Kyle almost put it on with the straps twisted, and then struggled to fasten the hooks behind his back.

"Good for a first try. You have really flexible shoulders for a boy. Aren't you glad you have not bulked up like Jimmy?"

The chatter continued. "Usually girls have their growth spurt before boys do, and my old clothes should fit you nicely. It is going to be a lot of fun seeing you wear my outfits. Maybe we can go shopping sometime and let you pick out your own girl clothes."

Hillary selected a dignified and proper school outfit. Pastel blouse, dark blue skirt, ankle socks, and buckle shoes. Finally, she led him over to the mirror.

Kyle stared at the mirror then turned and looked from every angle. He flashed himself a coy smile then turned and posed for Hillary.

"You are obviously enjoying meeting your girl self for the first time. But I see I need to work with you on posture, gestures, and mannerisms. Let's go show your mother."

Kyle knew that this was another important symbolic act. He held his head high, pulled his shoulders back, and with his least masculine walk he proudly pranced into the living room.

His mother looked, gasped, and was about to speak when the doorbell rang.

"We'll get it." Hillary declared, pulling Kyle behind her.

Madeline Lee beamed with delight as she saw the two girls greeting her from beyond the opened door. The three returned to the living room where Ann was waiting.

Madeline turned toward Ann Clark, but was clearly addressing Kyle. "You have a lovely daughter, but Hillary and I do not know her name."

Kyle was ready to answer. "My name is Kaylie Clark."

Hillary immediately shouted, "Let's all join hands together in a circle like we do a scout camp and welcome the new girl, Kaylie."

The circle started with outstretched arms but closed in to a tight group hug as everyone chanted the new name. When Kaylie looked up she saw that her mother was crying.

The next evening Madeline dropped Hillary off at the Clarks' home right after school and said she would return before dinner. Kyle had walked home and just arrived when his support team arrived. He headed toward his room to change, but Hillary followed.

"I want to watch." She looked around the room as Kaylie picked out some clothes. "You have made a good start, but I see I need to teach you a lot about mix and match. It is too bad that your mother has not been dressing you like a girl since third grade."

Kaylie plopped down on the edge of the bed. "I am totally wiped out. Everything is happening so fast."

Hillary sat close. "Don't worry, my mother and I want to help you. Think positively about your wonderful future as a girl.

"Tell me, did you read any of the things I gave you last night? What did you look at first?"

"I first looked at you 'Girl's Life' magazine and read a motivational article that talked about how technology has changed the balance of power in society from male muscle strength to female mental skills related to information technology, computers, and molecular biology. I always wondered about how the Great Social Transformation happened and the article explained that 'cyberattacks,' whatever they are, played a key role in allowing the feminists to defeat the patriarchy. The article emphasized that girls need to develop their science and math skills so that they can contribute to protecting the Feminist Republic."

"You started with real serious stuff. Is that all you read?"

"I also looked at your 'Modern Girl Romance' magazines. I needed something relaxing so I looked at the fashion and makeup style pictures and then read a couple of the fiction stories."

"Tell me more about the romances you read."

"I really liked a story that was about the two girls who both had a crush on the figure skating star at their school. Eventually they realized the Miss Skater was actually a very self-centered, nasty girl. The two girls supported each other through all their ups and downs, and eventually discovered that they both liked each other much more than either one liked the figure skater.

"I looked at a few other similar stories and read some of the articles about real people. It seems the romance magazine is all about attractive girls falling in love with each other."

"And you enjoyed reading this sort of stories?"

"I never read anything like this before. It is not like the stupid magazines boys are allowed to read. I was confused at first and ..." Kaylie fumbled with the hem of her skirt, and then met Hillary's gaze. "Yes, I liked that kind of story."

Hillary threw her arms around Kaylie. "Wonderful, enjoying teen romance shows that you are developing a girl's mind. I will bring over more magazines like that for you to read.

"Now tell me about your floral print bedspread."

"Mom and I went shopping for this bedspread years ago. I was the one who picked it out, I am not sure why. Mom didn't really object. I guess something like this makes more sense now that I am a girl in training."

Just then Ann's voice was heard from the kitchen. "Kyle, I mean, Kaylie, can you come help me prepare dinner? I see Madeline is arriving already."

Madeline made sure that the dinner conversation centered on girl topics for Kaylie's benefit, while Ann kept trying to change the subject. Afterwards Hillary and Kaylie chatted for a while about romance magazines. It was a school night and Hillary had to leave early with a promise to be back soon.

On another evening and Hillary was looking at Kaylie's dance posters. "I think it is neat that a boy would have posters like this. Much better than the action game and race car posters that my friends tell me their brothers have on their walls. Did you ask for them, or did you mother buy them for you? You are clearly not like most boys." She turned to Kaylie. "Do you think these girls look pretty? Would you like to be one of them?"

"I think dancing is so beautiful. At school I am always jealous when you girls get to do dance class while the boys are expected to go kick a ball or something outside."

"I love dance, all girls do. Once you are officially a girl you will be able to take dance class with me and Stacy in the studio. Won't that be fun? Meanwhile, I can give you private dance lessons."

"Tonight I brought over some dancewear and plan to give you your first lesson. Lets get you dressed for dancing, pull on these pink tights then put this black leotard on top. Wait, I forgot, we do not want your boy parts to create an ugly bulge. Start with this special item that will make you nice and smooth in front."

Kaylie stared at what looked like a cross between a flesh-colored jock strap and a thick pair of underpants. "Where did you get that thing?"

"My mother bought it just for you. She said you will need it for your dance lessons. She said you can also wear it with skinny jeans and other tight girl clothes too." Hillary saw a confused expression. "You put it on, then reach inside and arrange your parts to be between your legs, and finally pull it on up high and tight to keep everything in place."

By now Kaylie was accustomed to changing clothes in front of Hillary, but making adjustments 'down there' felt a bit embarrassing.

"I do ballet, jazz, and creative dance classes. I will start by teaching you some really basic dance movement. Follow what I do. It will help you learn to move like a girl."

Hillary lead Kaylie through a warm-up of bending, reaching, swinging limbs, moving hips, and expanding and contracting the body core. Her banter was a mix of encouragement and technical correction as Kaylie struggled to imitate her.

"Now we will try a few set ballet dance movements. Start with your arms low in front then bring them up just below your breasts in two counts, then raise your arms high over your head in two counts then bring them out to the side for two, then back down in front to finish on eight. Let's do it to the music.

"You are catching on fast, but need to keep working. You are moving your arms like a boy. Relax your fingers and imagine you are softly touching something precious. Slightly bend your wrists. Take the tension out of your arms and shoulders. Much better, do it a few more times. Then I will show you another exercise."

After an hour Kaylie was exhausted a ready for a rest. "This makes my body move in a totally new way. I am going to be sore tomorrow."

"We will do this again every evening. My mother tells me that dance will really help you master feminine movement. She also wants me to work with you on hip stretches. She says that will help you start walking like a girl.

"Before I head home here is some more reading for you. I went to the library today and checked out a whole list of books that my mother said were important for you to read carefully. Some are real serious social and political topics, and some are light fun, just like the romances in the magazines. She said they will all help speed you along in your socialization as a girl."

Kaylie looked at the stack of books with titles like 'Feminist Theory Reader,' 'Women Rule.' and 'Achievements of the Great Social Transformation.' There were historic authors like Simone de Beauvior, Audrey Lorde, and Andrea Dworkin, and books by contemporary writers. Some books were very political while others promoted things like feminist environmental sustainability. Hillary patiently watched and answered questions.

"This is a lot to read. "

"My mother knows that, but is confident in your ability to learn. Every hour you spend doing feminist reading will help you in the assessment."

A pattern was set. Kyle went to school, took his allowed classes and sat alone in the lunchroom, library, or playground. Jimmy was totally avoiding him now. Immediately after school hours Kaylie reemerged. Most evenings Madeline brought Hillary over for a few wonderful hours, but tomorrow he was going over to Hillary's house for the first time.

Kaylie was nervous getting into the car with Mother for the drive to the Lee's house. This was her first excursion wearing girl's clothes outside the house. For a while both Ann and Kaylie looked straight ahead and said nothing.

"If you are going to go through with this idea of becoming a girl you will have to learn to appear in public, dear."

"I know, but right now nothing is official. Ms. Lee keeps reminding me that I have to be a boy at school until I pass the next assessment and the psychologists issue me my gender transition certificate. I do not want to get into any trouble that would complicate my evaluations."

"I am uneasy too. Madeline assures me that we are doing nothing illegal, dressing as a girl is just socially awkward because of your age. It would have been so much better if ...." Ann Clark drifted of in her thoughts.

When they arrived Kaylie looked around, figured the coast was clear, and almost ran from the car to the house door. Hillary anticipated this and had the door open. Kaylie ducked inside followed by Mother. Once the door was closed the girls greeted with air kisses.

"I bet you want to see my room. Let's go. And I want to warn you that my mother has big news for you after dinner."

"Have fun, girls. Remember, dinner is in an hour," Madeline shouted as Ann joined her in the kitchen.

Hillary's room was delightfully feminine and contemporary. The pastel colors and frilly accessories were balanced by posters of famous women and banners with feminist slogans. The overflowing bookcase gave evidence of why Hillary did so well in school, and the large closet filled with clothes showed why she had so many things to donate to Kaylie.

"Sit down in the chair by the dresser and face the door. I want to get you ready for dinner."

"What are you going to do?

"I am going to apply just a little makeup to show our mothers how attractive you can look. For sure they will say you are too young for so much makeup, but every girl our age hears that."

Hillary started by brushing Kaylie's hair which had not been cut recently. "I know you do not want a boy haircut again, but somehow we need to figure out how to get you a trim and styling. Hair grows best if the ends are trimmed occasionally. I'll talk to Mom."

Hillary picked up a hair elastic and slipped it around a very short ponytail. "A ponytail looks good on you, Kaylie. Congratulations on another step. Now let me work on your face.

"Hold still. I am going to use a little eyeliner top and bottom. Try not to blink.

"This thick stuff is called mascara. It makes your eyelashes look fuller.

"Now a little eyebrow pencil. It is not the best color for you, but this neutral brown is the best I have.

"I am going to put a little color on you cheeks with this brush.

"And finally, a touch of lipstick. I usually get to wear only pale pink, but I do have this more grown-up red. I will look dramatic on you.

"OK, you can turn around and look at the mirror. I know you want to see the results."

Kaylie was amazed. Hillary had made her look like a much older and somewhat attractive girl. She had no idea that Hillary was such a makeup expert.

"Girls our age all practice putting makeup on at home. It fun to experiment with different looks. With the right colors and more time I can really make you look really good. You need to get your mother to buy some cosmetics of your own. Until then we can share mine. "

Madeline announced dinner, and the girls proudly waltzed into the kitchen.

"Kaylie, what have you done with your face?," Ann exclaimed.

Madeline came to the defense. "Your daughter is just doing what is normal for a girl her age. I think she looks marvelous. You did a great job, Hillary. Now let's eat."

"Makeup may be normal for a girl, but Kyle...." Ann caught herself. "I was trying to say that the look is way too mature for his ..." She paused again. "Sorry, Kaylie. Next time try a more age appropriate look, OK."

Hillary and Kaylie smiled at each other knowingly.

Kaylie recognized that this dinner invitation was intended to be another feminizing experience. She watched her manners, ate slowly with small bites, and imitated how Hillary used her arms and hands. Madeline was an expert hostess and kept a lively conversation going around the table. She frequently challenged Kaylie by asking unexpected questions about girl topics that were outside a normal boy's experience, but Kaylie was quick to improvise an answer.

After dinner the girls helped with the cleanup, and then Madeline indicated it was time for a talk in the living room.

"I have an announcement. As the school counselor in charge of Kaylie's case I am responsible for scheduling her for the decisive personality and socialization assessment." She paused to assess everyone's reaction to what would obviously come next. "Because she has already demonstrated truly exceptional intellectual merit in science and math this psychological assessment will be the remaining hurdle for Kaylie. It is crucial that she convinces the panel members that she is mentally and socially ready to become officially a girl. Once the assessment team makes a positive recommendation to the Chief Psychologist the official transition process can begin immediately."

"What if she doesn't pass?" Ann asked anxiously.

"She is going to pass. That is my objective as her champion," Madeline replied assertively. "The key is to give Kaylie enough time to prepare. She has to compensate for the last few years, and basically catch up in her female socialization compared to boys who entered the gender reassignment program while still in elementary school. Fortunately Kaylie was showing feminine traits in elementary school so she has a good foundation to build on. And I see by her face that Hillary has been giving Kaylie different opportunities to share pre-teen girl experiences.

"Kaylie, have you been reading the books Hillary got for you?"

"Yes, I read every minute I am not in school or with Hillary."

"Good. I am going to pull some strings to get you excused from your afternoon classes. Going to school as a boy is not doing a lot for you right now. Your time will be better spent reading feminist books.

"Back to the assessment schedule. I decided to schedule you for the session in May, right after the end of your eighth grade school year. That gives you several extra months to prepare."

Ann gripped the arms of her chair as Hillary and Kaylie hugged each other.

"But giving Kaylie more time to prepare has a big risk. Unfortunately, Dr. Taylor declined to help. I will be clinical about this. There are still testicles down there getting ready to pump out male hormones. Kaylie has not started puberty, but is at an age where things could happen at any time. I am sure she does not want facial hair, a deepening voice, or broad shoulders."

A shiver went down Kaylie's spine as she thought back to the rejection in the doctor's office. Hillary held her friend's shaking hand tightly. "Keep listening, she has a plan," Hillary whispered.
Chapter 4 - Feminization Hormones and Training
Synopsis: Madeline devises a scheme to help Kaylie delay puberty. Kaylie learns disturbing facts about both historic and contemporary misogyny. Stacy and her mother join the team helping Kaylie prepare for the psychological assessment.

The after dinner conversation continued with Ms. Lee alternating between friendly champion and professional counselor roles.

"Kaylie, I tried to convince Dr. Taylor that you needed medical help right away to prevent unwanted puberty. Unfortunately, the referral to Dr. Taylor did not work out as I hoped. She could have helped, but she decided to go by the book and insist that you have the personality assessment and get documentation from the psychologists first. Doctors acting as gatekeeper was common at gender clinics in ancient times, but not in the Feminist Republic. Unfortunately, the official protocols do not give a lot of specific guidance on how to handle someone Kaylie's age. I am sure she was trying to balance conflicting objectives.

"Up to now I have strictly followed the guidelines, for counselors dealing with boys who are identified for gender reassignment. Dr. Taylor's decision has put me in a difficult position. To minimize the risk of Kaylie entering male puberty I could have scheduled her psychological assessment at the earliest possible date, but this would have increased the risk of her being under-prepared to present convincingly as a girl."

"So, what can we do?" Ann remarked without a lot of emotion.

"I have often told Hillary that sometimes it is necessary to get into 'good trouble' like she did when she loaned forbidden exam study books to the boy named Kyle. Good trouble involves doing something considered wrong or illegal if there is sufficient justification. I feel justified in going outside approved counseling protocols. Hillary and I have conspired to get into good trouble together for Kaylie's sake."

Madeline Lee continued, "As a counselor I have full access to all the current information about how to manage male to female transitions. I know what Kaylie needs. Unfortunately my credentials do not allow me to write prescriptions. I could have tried 'doctor shopping' and kept scheduling other appointments for Kaylie until we found someone who would prescribe what Dr. Taylor would not. But this would raise concerns among my peer counselors, and would waste more time. Every week that goes by puts Kaylie at more risk of unwanted male puberty. So I decided to help Kaylie myself."

Kaylie was on the edge of her chair. "What did you do?"

Ann Clark glanced at her child looking annoyed by the interruption.

"As I said, I know that Kaylie needs to have her male hormones suppressed immediately. Once she has successfully completed the political and psychological assessments she will be put on the normal transgirl hormone regime which will start physical feminization. The clinic will arrange to her testicles removed as soon as she feels ready for that irreversible step. Castration will definitively end the unwanted male puberty problem."

Hillary flashed a knowing smile at Kaylie.

Ann was tense. She knew these permanent changes would need to be confronted eventually, but Madeline seemed to be rushing things. Could she accept that her emerging daughter was really committed and ready?

"But, since Dr. Taylor declined to prescribe anything I needed to figure out an alternative way to help Kaylie. I asked Hillary to go to the youth clinic and tell the doctor that she recently had a bad breakout of acne, and wanted the pills girls take to prevent a recurrence. She went, got a prescription, and even stopped at the pharmacy to get the first three-month supply."

Hillary decided to speak up. "I was a bit nervous lying to the doctor, but was willing to do it for you, Kaylie. The doctor looked at my face questioningly, and I was afraid she would say no when she did not see any pimples. With a wink and a smile she asked if I really wanted them just to make my breasts grow sooner. She said something like 'Lots of girls your age ask for the acne-prevention treatment, no problem' and handed me the prescription. She told me I need to come in for a routine blood test in a couple weeks."

Hillary handed something to Kaylie. "Here are the pills, start taking one a day and you will have something in your body to offset your boy hormones."

Ann reached out her hand as if to block the transfer, but Kaylie grasped the package. "Thank you," Kaylie said politely. "But I don't understand what these pills are, or how they are supposed to work for me."

Madeline continued, "Let me explain. Long ago, before the Great Social Transformation, parents were terrified that irresponsible boys would get their daughters pregnant. Mothers would ask the family doctor to put their little girls on what were called birth control pills almost as soon as they started puberty. A positive side effect of those birth control pills was that girls skipped the period of hormone imbalances that had caused complexion problems for generations. Girls on the pill quickly developed adult hormone levels and adolescent acne during puberty became almost unknown in girls. But of course acne remains a problem for boys.

"These days we have better social techniques to control the impulses of boys and also highly reliable implantable methods of birth control for girls. The pharmacy companies did not want to totally lose their sales to teens so they rebranded the birth control pills and marketed them to prevent acne.

"The pills that Hillary got for Kaylie contain the main female hormone, estrogen, along with progestin and a few other supporting drugs. One effect of the pills is to suppress what are called androgens, that is male hormones, which normal girls have at low levels. Androgen-estrogen imbalance is a cause of acne. Right now Kaylie is biochemically still a pre-teen male. The effect of the pills will be to lower her testosterone and provide a low, but beneficial level of estrogen.

"The estrogen dose in the acne pills is fairly low so it will not cause noticeable physical changes, like breast development, in the few months remaining before the assessments. But the drug combination will greatly reduce the risk of Kaylie developing unwanted male secondary sexual characteristics."

Ann looked concerned. "Kaylie, are you really sure you want this? This seems really risky to alter your natural body chemistry, especially without the involvement of Dr. Taylor."

Madeline cut in, "I am breaking the rules, but Dr. Taylor made a much more restrictive decision that she had to. Right now my goal is to help Kaylie become a girl.

"If Kaylie had been properly assessed back in third grade she would have been started on a half dose of the exact same drugs back in elementary school, and would have progressed to a full daily dose by now anyway. Feminizing drugs are an important part of the treatment process for the special boys who are selected to become girls. I did not mention that another effect of giving estrogen to young boys is that the hormones feminize their developing brains. Unfortunately Kaylie missed out years ago and has to catch up now. Even a few months of estrogen will help her get into the proper mental state for the psychological assessment.

Kaylie looked at each person in the room. After a tense moment she opened the package, popped a pill out of the blister pack, and swallowed it. "Yes Mother, this is what I want. Ms. Lee and Hillary, thank you so very much."

Ann sighed. "This is all happening so fast. First growing longer hair, then makeup, now hormones. I need time to think. Kaylie, let's get ready to go home."

"Remember you're invited for a sleepover this weekend," Hillary exclaimed.

"Sleepovers too? Are you OK with this Madeline?"

"Kaylie is at an important time in her life and I promised to be the champion. She needs your support too. Our goal, Ann, needs to be to help her fully socialize as a girl. Her success during the personality assessment depends on her thinking of herself as a girl and instinctively answering questions appropriately. Reading helps, but she needs to experience things like sleepovers that are part of being a middle school girl."

"Let's go. Now," Ann said sharply.

As they headed home Kaylie forced the topic. "Mom, I want to become a girl. I am sure of it. I may have started by asking how I could continue in school past eighth grade, but it is much more than staying in school now. Every day I feel more and more like I should always have been a girl. I now realize that you once did 'girl things' with me while I was little. Why does my trying to officially become a girl now upset you so much?"

"My mind is so mixed up. I have to come to grips with .... Look, I will be talking to a family counselor again this week. There are things I have to accept and ..." There was a long pause. "I love ... I love my dear little daughter Kaylie."

Kaylie noticed the tone of voice and that Mother's eyes were misting up again. When they got home Kaylie rushed to her room. Tomorrow was a school day. She carefully scrubbed the makeup off her face and laid out the boy clothes she would reluctantly have to put on in the morning. She put on her favorite feminine nightgown, climbed into bed, and started to read.

She spent a few minutes reading a few chapters from a teen romance novel about two girls who were both afraid to initiate a first serious kiss. It was fun, relaxing, but very frivolous. Maybe I should read something more serious before I get too sleepy, she thought.

She picked up the thick 'History of the Great Social Transformation' and went back to some of the sections she had skipped over earlier. She had been curious about the decades-long Times of Trouble that preceded the transformation. Soon Kaylie was tense and sweating as she read about the patriarchal misogynists from the Church of God the Father who used scripture to justify dominating women, and their allied terrorists the white-robed Knights of Konservative Kulture who roamed the country torturing or killing any men and boys who deviated from masculine norms. These thugs hunted for effeminate and cross-dressing boys at school and in their homes and sent them to harsh boot camps that were intended to make them into what they called real men. The KKK also raided the offices of medical professionals who offered intersex and transgender treatment searching for identifying information on their patients and driving the doctors and staff into exile. Kaylie was relieved to read that there had been brave women who created a secret network of safe houses and clandestine transport that allowed what were then called LGBTQIA+ persons to escape across the de facto border into feminist-controlled territory.

Reading disturbing history just before bed was a mistake. Kaylie took a long time to fall asleep and then kept waking up with nightmares. She knew she should talk to Madeline about this terrible period of history as soon as possible.

The weekend arrived, and Kaylie was delighted to be looking forward to over 60 continuous hours without having to get disguised in 'boy costume' for school. She did not need to bring much for the sleepover because Hillary's surplus continued to be Kaylie's source of girl things. Reading teen romance fiction gave an idea of what to expect, and Kaylie was eager for the real experience.

Ann was again tense as she took Kaylie to the Lee's house. "Behave yourself tonight, remember that you are still legally and biologically a boy."

"I don't want to be reminded of that. Please. I want you to think of me as a girl. That is who I am and who I want to be."

"I know. I have promised to support you. This just doesn't seem right."

Kaylie was still trying to figure out what Mother's 'this' referred to when they arrived. She got out of the car without looking around, and Mother immediately drove off. Kaylie was heading toward the house when she thought she noticed someone suddenly ducking behind a car across the street.

Madeline offered the girls some snacks before they headed to Hillary's room. They chatted about clothes, music, and their recent reading while waiting for dinner.

At dinner Kaylie asked about the disturbing history chapter that gave her nightmares.

"I know it is disturbing. The book Hillary got for you is actually high school or college reading, but I included it on the list because you need to know as much as possible when you go into the assessment. Now that you know how terrible some men were back then you can appreciate why the Feminist Republic now keeps men from having any influence or power. Understanding these lessons of history will enable you to give the right answers when the team is assessing your political reliability. Do you agree that women were treated unfairly in nearly every society before the founding of the Feminist Republic? Are you angry about what happened to LGBTIA+ people during the Times of Trouble? Are you grateful for those heroines who secretly helped them?

"Of course. What the Church of God the Father and their allies did was wrong, hateful, awful, ..."

"Yes, and do you agree that the work camps and other restrictions placed on men in our present society are justifiable?

"Do you understand that the conditions men live under now are actually much less severe that the ways women were treated in the patriarchal societies that existed world-wide for centuries, and still exist in enemy territory today?"

The questioning went back and forth for a long while. Hillary could hardly keep up, and decided to keep eating before her food got cold. Finally Madeline brought it to a stop.

"Kaylie, your answers tonight are those of a committed feminist. You are knowledgeable, sincere, and convincing. You are doing an amazing job getting ready for the assessment."

Hillary looked up from her plate. "I couldn't have answered a lot of those questions. You know that through middle school tgirls take history class with boys in the room. A lot of topics are off limits in mixed classes."

Madeline added, "Yes, but next year I expect both you and Hillary will be studying this history and more in your all-girls high school classes.

"Now let's clean up and you girls can go enjoy the evening."

Once in her room Hillary handed Kaylie a set of dancewear. We will do another dance lesson tonight. Put these pretty things on and start stretching while I go to the bathroom to strip down and change. Kaylie began by carefully tucking his disgusting parts in place and then pulled on the tights and leotard. Hillary came back wearing a very sheer, tight fitting leotard with a deep v-neck. Kaylie could not help but notice that Hillary was clearly showing small, firm breasts with distinct nipples. Kaylie was not sure exactly what to think about what she saw, but was relieved to be aware that the boy parts were not stirring from their place.

Hillary started leading a warm-up and short exercises that quickly involved more flexibility than their previous dance session. "Keep trying. Getting your hips stretched out will help you pose, move, and walk like a girl. Remember to hold your arms, wrists, and hands properly too. Tilt your head and smile."

After a while Hillary dropped to the floor with one leg in front and the other behind. "This position is called the front splits. Try it. This position is really hard. Girls have to practice for a long time before they can get all the way down."

Kaylie was in agony and Hillary kept giving encouragement. "Go as far as you can, then breathe into the stretch, relax and go a bit further. Girl have an advantage because our pelvis grows wider to make room for babies to get through. It is possible for males to do the splits, but very few have enough will power and determination to get there. Keep stretching. You are lucky that your pelvis bones have not fully matured yet. Maybe those pills I got for you will help."

"Once you are officially a girl you can take dance regular classes at the studio Stacy and I go to. Stacy takes creative dance, ballet with me, but has substituted cheer dance for the jazz class. There are other fun classes too. What styles do you think you would like the most?"

Suddenly Hillary dashed toward the window and looked out. "I thought I heard something, but no one is there."

Suddenly Kaylie felt uneasy.

"Now that you are warmed up and moving we can do some creative dance. creative is really neat because the emphasis is on expressing your feelings. I will teach you the beginning of a dance I learned last year. Its all about a woodland fairy queen and her followers who take revenge on men. My teacher told me she adapted it from an ancient ballet called 'Giselle' but has restaged as an improvisational piece for modern girls. I will put on the music and you can follow along with what I am doing. Once you get the basic ideas I will ask you to make your own movement choices."

Kaylie listened to a few bars of the beautiful music then started imitating Hillary in the free-flowing feminine movement. Soon Kaylie had the basic idea and Hillary stopped to watch.

"Beautiful, you are moving just like a girl now. Arch your back and open your chest as you swing your arm up. Imagine you are the prettiest fairy in the forest. Yes, that was nice the way you held that pose. Remember to bend your elbows and soften your wrists when you lower your arms. Soften your fingers."

As Kaylie became more confident with the movement Hillary began to emphasize showing more specific emotions. "Move like you are approaching something you really want. Move like you are afraid. Move like you are making a male demon flee to safety. Show your strongest female feelings."

After dancing themselves to exhaustion the girls went to the living room and cuddled on the couch while Madeline played some carefully selected videos for them. Eventually they were ready for bed. While they had been drinking hot chocolate and watching videos Madeline had put a comfy air mattress on the floor beside Hillary's bed and had stacked blankets and a pillow on top. "Good night girls," she said with a smile.

Of course Hillary and Kaylie talked and listened to music far past when they should have been asleep.

Saturday morning began with taking showers, selecting clothes, putting on makeup all before breakfast. More girl talk and watching videos followed. Madeline saw everything was going as she had hoped so she called Ann and asked if Kaylie could stay another night. Madeline and Hillary used the extra time for even more feminization training for Kaylie. Finally Sunday afternoon came and Kaylie reluctantly waited for her ride home and her regression back to boy mode for the coming school week.

The boy, Kyle, still attended the morning academic classes, but Madeline had managed to get him excused from afternoons. This gave time for independent reading at home in preparation for the approaching assessment. Heading out from school at noon Kyle was intercepted by Jimmy.

"Hey dude, what's this stupid stuff you have been up to?"

"I have to get going."

"What are you rushing off to, lady boy."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Look, first I noticed that Ms. Lee was driving over to your house all the time with Hillary in tow. Then I noticed you mother driving over to Hillary's place too."

"That's none of your business, Jimmy."

"So do you want to know what I saw over the weekend?"

This confrontation was not going well. "Look, I have to get home now."

"Oh sure. I watched your mother drive up at Hillary's and someone dressed like a girl got out and sashayed into the house. That got me curious, real curious. So you know what I did? I came back later and looked in the window. Yeah, I was peeping. I saw two f*cking c*nts in skin tight clothes wiggling their asses. That is what I saw. And I saw that one of them looked just like you. You useless dammed queer! That's what you are."

Jimmy lunged forward and pushed Kyle against the fence. "Are you trying to be one of those traitors who become girls?" He slapped Kyle's face. "If you want to be a girl I will treat you like real men used to treat girls." He raised his hand again.

"James Smith, stop right now!"

The school security guard grabbed Jimmy. Although she was smaller and shorter than Jimmy she used an expert martial arts move to spin him around and pin his arm with a painful twist. Madeline Lee stepped up and placed herself in front of Jimmy.

"James Smith, what you just did was totally unacceptable. All though school you have received instruction on controlling aggressive impulses and on respecting others. Your actions will be reported, and I expect that after a hearing you will be expelled from school permanently and will be sent to the work camp for hard labor. You had the potential to become a construction foreman, but you threw the opportunity away."

The guard lead Jimmy away, and Ms. Lee turned to Kyle who was trembling. "Let's go to my office and talk, Kaylie," she whispered softly.

This was the first time she had been addressed by that name during at school.

"Take a minute and get cleaned up. You will feel better. Then we can talk."

Like it or not, he was dressed as a boy so Kyle had to use the boy's restroom to clean up and quickly check for bruising on the face. Is this place safe anymore? Did Jimmy tell any of the boys in the younger grades about his peeping?

Ms. Lee was waiting in the hall and then lead the way to the counseling center offices. "Kaylie, I am sorry about what happened. I had suspected James had been hanging around my house this weekend, but never caught him. I had alerted the security guard to watch for any problems without saying anything about your transition training. We saw Jimmy seek you out, and heard what he said. He was shouting, and some girls may have overheard too.

"But, there is a positive side to all this. You have been reading about the terrible way women were treated by men before the Great Social Transformation. Reading is one thing, experiencing it in person is another. You have now seen a little of what women have lived with for centuries. Being held in contempt by males, being subjected to derogatory language, being regarded as good only for sex and housework, being physically abused by someone bigger and stronger; all this has been women's fate since the patriarchy seized control at the dawn of so-called civilization. Internalize what you experienced today. It will put you in the correct emotional state for your social, political, and personality assessments.

"There are only a few more weeks of school. I am your champion and will make sure you are safe. Jimmy will no longer be around school, and will move from town within a few days. I doubt the few boys who are in grades five through seven know or care about your situation. You are not likely to be harassed again at school."

"What about the girls in my class. Some may suspect something now."

"Your best defense will be to confront them with the truth. Tell them that Ms. Lee the counselor has arranged for you to be evaluated for reassignment as a girl, and that you are preparing for the psychological assessment. If they have problems with that tell them to come and see me."

The walk home seemed longer than usual and every blind spot along the way seemed to be the hiding place of a predator. Once home Kaylie re-emerged and sank into a chair. Light fiction was all she could manage to read before dinner, even though she knew there was serious studying to do. When Mother came home Kaylie managed to tell her what happened with Jimmy, and about the follow up counseling with Ms. Lee.

Ann hugged Kaylie. "That is why I have been so terrified for you. I knew people who did things like that. They are still around. Your idea of becoming a girl is dangerous."

A few days later Madeline arrived alone at Kaylie's house in mid-afternoon, when she was out of school and at home doing her usual, intense, feminist independent study. "Kaylie, today is the day for the scheduled blood test that the acne pills doctor wanted. I scheduled my afternoon off so I can take you to the testing lab. Just remember, at the clinic you are a girl named Hillary."

As they drove to the nearby clinic Madeline and Kaylie rehearsed all the identifying information she needed to pass as Hillary. "We will walk into the lab together and I will be right behind you at the registration desk. I will say I forgot your clinic card, and ask if they can use your name and birth date to log you in. It will be most believable if you answer the questions when they ask. They also might ask for home address and other contact information. You have all that memorized, right?"

Soon they were heading back from the clinic. Kaylie had a bright pink stretch-wrap bandage around her elbow joint. "See, it went perfectly. Your blood will get analyzed, and the results will be reported with Hillary's name. I do not expect any problems, lots of girls get those acne pills, but it is always safe to have lab work done when taking hormones."

The routine continued of being Kyle at school and Kaylie at home and on weekends. Switching gender for school was starting to get awkward. More than once a teacher reprimanded Kyle about his long hair, but then dismissed the issue as just sloppy male grooming. Kyle sometimes heard girls giggling about his walk and he had to continually remind himself to keep his hips from swinging at school. Visits with Hillary and Madeline continued to provide socialization experience, and hours of reading filled Kaylie's mind with feminist fact and theory.

A few days later Kaylie and Hillary were sitting in Madeline's kitchen chatting and giggling. Madeline came in with an opened envelope and an official looking letter.

"The blood test results are back. The person who went with me to the clinic is normal on all the usual metabolic measurements. Estrogen is at the low end of the normal range for pre-teen females. However, the report notes that this person has unusually high testosterone for a female and recommends retesting in a month. The report is exactly as I expected."

Both girls answered at once. "What do we do now?"

"Well, as for the retest, in a month Hillary can go in for the blood draw. Her results will be normal for a girl, and the doctors will assume she must have had a short-term hormone imbalance. Imbalances like that are very common at the start of puberty.

"As for Kaylie, since your results are normal you can safely continue taking the pills. The test confirmed that you have a low, but elevated, estrogen level. This will help your body avoid male puberty, but will not cause any premature changes in your hips or breasts. You should stop taking the pills two weeks before your official assessment. They will be giving you a full medical checkup at the Regional Center. Two weeks will allow the drugs in the pills to wash out of your body, and there will be no chemical indication of your secretly taking female hormones."

"What will happen to my body when I stop the pills? I'm worried."

"I am confident that you will be favorably assessed for gender reassignment. Once the committee report is final things will move fast. I plan to use my influence to make sure of that. You will immediately be prescribed a much higher feminizing dose of hormones and other medical interventions will soon follow. There is only a tiny risk that any masculine changes will take place between the time you go off the pills and when you begin your official transition."

The weekend came and it was time for another sleepover at Hillary's house. As usual Mother provided the transportation, but this time she scanned the street before Kaylie got out of the car. Kaylie, followed by Ann, quickly went to the front door, were greeted by Hillary, and the three headed for the living room where a lively conversation seemed to be in progress.

Suddenly Kaylie stopped and realized who was staring at her from across the room.

"Stacy, what are you doing here?"

"Stacy was feeling left out because of all the time I have been spending with you, Kaylie. I decided to invite her over to join us this weekend. We can have a nice three girl chat and watch some dance and romance videos together."

" You are awesome, Kaylie. When I saw you walk in with Hillary I was amazed. You look like you have been a girl all along."

"Is your mother OK with your being here, Stacy?"

"Yes, she is in the kitchen right now. Ms. Lee had a long talk with me and my mother yesterday. They talked all about your situation and she asked if I would join your support team. My mother was much totally enthusiastic at the news. But, Ms. Lee and mother had to explain a lot to me before I finally agreed to come here tonight.

"I really never thought much about special boys being made into girls until Ms. Lee sat me down for a long talk. As we talked I sort of remembered that back in second or third grade there was a cute boy who was taken out of the classroom one day. Nobody saw him for a week and then the same person reappeared in class wearing a pretty dress and using a new name, Larry had become Linda. Our teachers told us we needed to be respectful and we should use 'she and her' pronouns when talking about Linda.

"Seeing Linda for the first time was unexpected, but after a few days all the girls considered the whole situation was perfectly normal. Some of the boys snickered and teased Linda, but the teacher put them in there place by saying if they kept it up the same would happen to them. I moved the next year and never saw that new girl again.

"I can see making little boys into girls when in first grade or even third grade. There is really not that much difference between boys and girls then. But gender differences develop fast. It seems double weird to be talking about reassigning a boy in eighth grade. Is all this for real, Ky.., er ah Kaylie?"

Just then Valerie Miller walked in with Madeline.

"Kaylie, welcome to the world of women. Madeline has been telling you how well you have been feminizing. I think it is a tragedy that you were not made into a girl back in third grade. Well, we just need to make up for lost time.

"Stacy, like I told you Kaylie should have been made into a girl long ago. She has shown great potential, and Ms. Lee is preparing her for the final evaluation before the reassignment can become official. Kaylie really wants to live full time as a girl, and we need to help her every way we can to get there. What do you say?"

"I agreed to help as a favor to you and Hillary, and Kyle always was a nice person, for a boy that is. Making Kyle into a girl still seems weird, though."

"Stacy, HER name is Kaylie and she IS a girl. There are just some anatomical and legal technicalities that need to be fixed," Valerie said emphatically. "It is not polite to dead-name someone who is transitioning."

All this time Ann was standing against the wall clenching her fists. Dinner was ready and the girls were recruited to help bring everything to the table. The dinner conversation kept coming back to gender issues, feminism, and cultural politics. Kaylie suspected Madeline was again steering things that way for her education.

Valerie began expressing her enthusiastic support for the idea of feminizing males. Her statements were radical even by the standards of the Feminist Republic. The girls were a bit shocked to hear language used that was not normal dinner conversation.

"To me the only good male is a castrated male. Why should the half of the population who are born wrong be denied the joys of femininity? We don't need men in our society except for a few we keep as stud."

"Valerie, as a counselor I have assessed many boys. Most of them have zero potential for femininity no matter how smart they may be in Elementary School. The prenatal testosterone messed up their brains before they were born. They are aggressive and domineering from the start, and there are no training techniques in the world strong enough to change that."

"OK, I will grant that some males are hopeless and only good for unskilled labor. But a lot of them could be better tamed than we are doing now."

"What do you mean but 'tamed'," asked Ann.

"Stacy and I belong to an equestrian club. Every trainer knows that a gelding makes an excellent riding horse. Strong, but mild mannered."

"What's a gelding?," Kaylie asked.

"A gelding is a castrated stallion, dear. Removing the male parts is commonly done with lots of other farm animals too, roosters, bulls."

"Little boys are not farm animals," Ann growled.

Madeline redirected the conversation. "Look, only a few boys are intelligent enough to train for STEM careers, and a lot just are not going to be politically reliable either. Only the ones who have been socialized to consider themselves completely female can be trusted in positions with any technical control or social power. Total female control is essential if we are going to protect the stability of the Feminist Republic."

"I agree with the need for educating for responsible positions only the male-born individuals who completely consider themselves female. But, if I had my many more boys would be feminized than the select few who will be engineers or scientists or doctors. But the rest would be useful as feminized domestic servants, child care assistants, entertainers, and lots of other things. Even with all our technology a feminized human touch is useful for many jobs. Do you agree, Madeline?"

"Maybe we could transition more boys into being girls than we are doing now. The most recent trend is to start them younger, and that seems to work much better. But, I am more optimistic about the new reproductive technologies that simply reduce the number of males who are born. There are a lot of issues about safety with this, but a lot of potential if the research works out."

Stacy leaned over to Hillary. "This conversation is weird. What do you think?"

"This all affects Kaylie more that us. I think she looks nervous, maybe we should get her out of here."

Hillary indicated to Stacy to stand up. "Come on, Kaylie, lets go look at some of my videos."

That interruption gave Ann a break as well. "I have had enough of this. I'm going home and I'll be back tomorrow." She hesitated. "Have a good sleepover, Kaylie. Good night."

Chapter 5 - Final Preparations
Synopsis: Hillary and Stacy provide some intense conversations and emotionally charged experiences for their friend's feminine development. Kaylie becomes more confident, but is still confused by her mother's attitude.

The time for Kaylie's assessment was getting close, and her training was becoming more intense. Madeline continued to provide opportunities for girl experiences. This weekend included another sleepover night at Hillary Lee's house.

The three girls headed for Hillary's room. Hillary immediately suggested starting with a makeover party. Soon Kaylie was the focus of the beauty treatments administered by the other two girls. Eventually Kaylie was admiring her face in the mirror when Hillary made a unexpected request.

"Now Kaylie, it's your turn to make Stacy into a dramatic beauty. Everything you need is on my table. Taking the lead is how you learn, girl."

Kaylie looked over the array of products Hillary had set out. On one hand it looked awesome. There were so many different products, different colors, subtle differences in shade between similar colors, different applicators. But, how to choose, and even where to begin seemed overwhelming.

Stacy grinned. "This will be new for both of us. I have never had my makeup done by someone who used to be a boy. Do you think you are capable?"

Hillary shot back. "Kaylie is a girl and we need to remember that. It is not her fault that she was forced to act like a boy in school for all these years. And, it is really, really important that we help her build her feminine confidence."

"I'm sorry. Everything just seems weird right now."

"A good way to learn is to watch some video tutorials and then imitate the look. Lets go through a few and select some ideas that might look good on Stacy. You can then follow the sequence while I watch you and help when needed."

After nearly an hour Kaylie had managed to succeed in applying foundation, eye liner, mascara, eye shadow, blush, lipstick, and finishing powder. Stacy was admiring her self in the mirror and Hillary was bouncing with excitement.

"It's my turn now, and I have two experts to work on me."

After getting her makeover Hillary picked up a book that Madeline had given her earlier. "My mother said we should read from this one together. Stacy and I have already seen this stuff in the girls-only health class." Hillary smiled knowingly, "but it will be something new and different for you, Kaylie.

Stacy looked at the book cover. "This looks like one of those books on adolescent girl development that mothers can give their daughters to read when they are too embarrassed to talk about personal things face to face. I was never given one like this to read. My mother has always been comfortable talking about female bodies."

Hillary gave Kaylie a serious look. "Learning all about girls' bodies is important for you. My mother keeps telling me that you need go into the assessment with the mind you would have developed if you had spent the last four or more years reassigned as a girl. That would have meant using the girls bathroom and girls locker room at school, taking health and human development class with the other girls, and participating girl clubs and extracurricular activities.

"You might find some of this book to be really embarrassing at first. Especially when saying the words in front of us girls. But that is the practice you need. In the assessment you need to know about female bodies, be able to talk about why you want to develop as a girl, and never, never snicker or laugh about girl parts like a stupid boy would. Understand?"

Kaylie started turning the pages, looking at pictures, and being prompted to read key parts aloud. Hillary told her to start with the first part of the 'Where Babies Come From' chapter. This was written on a pre-teen level with vague, clinical line drawings and indirect language. It was not too hard to recite from the text because most of the information was not all that different from what boys were taught. The big difference was in the social advice. This chapter emphasized the joys of motherhood and the importance of picking a good sperm donor for the insemination. Kaylie reluctantly recalled that in boys' health classes she had been subjected to endless warnings that boys were severely punished if they tried to mess around 'the old fashioned way' with unwilling girls.

"OK, good start, Kaylie. Now let's go to the 'Your Changing Body' chapter. It will be fun."

Turning the pages Kaylie came to a section with front and side profile drawings showing the changes in the breasts, hips, and body hair that girls experience in puberty. In health class she had seen the equivalent male pictures, but had never seen such explicit pictures of girls. The information was fascinating, but Kaylie did not fully understand her emotions as she read the captions to Hillary and Stacy. The one thing she was sure of was that she could not allow pictures like this to arouse her unfixed boy parts during the assessment.

Hillary could not resist. "Before long you will start looking like that yourself. Are you excited?"

Hillary took something out of her drawer. "This is a fully padded bra that my mother had me buy for you. Take off your bralett and put this on. It will give you even more shape that I have, and it will make you feel like a big girl."

As Kaylie changed she was subjected to Stacey's mild teasing. "Do you always turn around when you change in front of other girls? There is nothing to be ashamed of. Are you looking forward to filling out the cups for real?"

After admiring her profile in the mirror and getting complements for Hillary and Stacy it was time to go back to the book.

Kaylie sighed as she turned to the next chapter and saw that it was about menstruation. This was getting difficult to read aloud. She was aware that Stacy seemed to be delighted to watch her squirm.

Finally Kaylie finished that section. He noticed that Hillary was holding something in her had.

"I bet you have never seen a sanitary pad. This is what the book said girls use during their periods. Here take it." She handed the small object in a pink wrapper to Kaylie. "You unwrap it and apply the sticky side to your panties then pull them on tightly."

Kaylie nervously took the pad and turned it around in her hands. Stacy was on the verge of laughing. "Well, Kaylie, do you want me to show you how to wear it, or are you big girl enough to do it yourself? Smart girls practice using one before the first time they actually need it."

Kaylie knew she was trapped. She hesitated then stood up and headed to the bathroom. "I can manage."

When she came back she saw that Stacy was holding what looked like a thin white tube. "While you were taking your time in the bathroom I went and asked Mother for one of these. It is called a tampon. You just read about them in the book, and Hillary decided you needed to know what a tampon applicator actually looks like and I agreed."

Hillary decided to reassure Kaylie. "Don't worry, we will not ask you to try using it. Generally girls are discouraged from using tampons until they are older, like sometime in High School. Besides you do not have the right place to put it." She paused, "yet!"

Finally the girls had enough fun making Kaylie read aloud from the book.

"Now you know a little about what you have been missing by not going to health class with the girls," Hillary said with a grin.

Stacy got up from the bed and put her arms around Kaylie's neck. "I am impressed. A normal boy would never be able to control himself while reading all that. Maybe you really are a girl already."

"Let's get some bedtime snacks," Hillary announced.

Madeline and Valerie were already in their nightgowns and bathrobes when the girls bounced into the kitchen. There were lots of admiring remarks about the girls faces, along with a few 'don't try wearing anything like that makeup to school' comments.

Madeline redirected the conversation as the girls loaded up on cookies and milk. "Valerie, one thing I have always taught Hillary is the necessity of doing something controversial when there is sufficient justification. I refer to this a getting into 'good trouble.' Helping Kaylie recover from the omissions of years ago has involved a few situations like that." She ended by looking at Hillary with a knowing look. "And there may need to be more."

The girls headed back to Hillary's room, closed the door, and chatted while each in turn went into the bathroom to clean up and change. Kaylie had a floor length floral print cotton gown that hid the fact that she had no curves. Stacy changed into a frilly but modest pale blue gown that hinted that she was just starting to develop. Hillary emerged from the bathroom in a very sheer pink nylon gown with lacy trim that left little to the imagination. Hillary had definitely filled out more than Stacy.

"Wow, my mother would never let me buy something like that," declared Stacy.

Hillary spun around right in front of Kaylie. "Do you like it?"

"I ... I think you look ... beautifully feminine."

"Are you saying this as a former boy or as a girl who admires other girls," Stacy said with a coy look.

"I'm a girl," Kaylie replied emphatically.

Hillary posed like a fashion model. "That was a perfect answer, Kaylie. Now, are you ready to see what a girl looks like? Not drawings, not pictures, the real thing?"

Stacy was shocked. "You aren't going to take it off are you?"

"Of course. If Kaylie had been going to school as a girl she would have seen naked girls many times by now in the gym and dance studio changing rooms, on sleepovers, and maybe when 'experimenting' with her friends. If she was on the normal schedule for reassigned boys she would also be able to look in the mirror and see how the doctors temporarily fixed her down there."

"How do you know all that?"

"My mother explained a lot about what Kaylie has missed, and what she needs to experience to be ready for the assessment. It could be awkward for her if the first time she sees a naked girl's body is when the psychologists start showing her pictures to evaluate identity and orientation."

"Do you want to see, Kaylie."

"Yes," she replied barely above a whisper.

Hillary unfastened the gown at the neckline, slowly pulled it off one shoulder, then with a wiggle let it drop to the floor. She turned slowly twice so that Kaylie could see her from every angle. Their eyes met at she stood giving her a final full frontal view.

"Look, but don't you dare touch. We're too young for that."

Hillary pulled the gown back on and the special moment was over. Soon the girls were under the covers pretending to be asleep while each considered everything that had happened that evening.

The next afternoon Stacy had gone home, but Kaylie was still at the Lees' house because her mother said should would be late picking her up. This was fine with Kaylie. Madeline and Hillary created a supportive teaching environment, and Kaylie knew she needed as much girl socialization time as possible.

Madeline sat down in front of Kaylie with a serious demeanor. "We need to talk about some sensitive topics. Please pay attention." Kaylie nodded. "I know what happened in Hillary's room last night. But I want you to tell me about it.

Kaylie turned pale. "Did we do something wrong?," she cried.

"No, what happened is something young people have been doing since the beginning of time. Everyone has curiosity about other people's developing bodies. Parents have endlessly tried to prevent such things from happening, but never really succeeded. I as far as I am concerned one girl saw another girl's body, not a big deal. What is important is for me to hear it from your perspective. How did you feel, and how did your body respond?

Kaylie nervously related the events and her feelings. Talking about it with an adult was not easy, especially when she asked highly personal questions. Finally Madeline leaned back and smiled

"I am very pleased and encouraged. First, you have shown an outstanding ability to talk about sexual topics without embarrassment . You will need that skill when the psychologists interview you. You have told me that you found Hillary's body to be very attractive, you wanted to be physically close to her, and most importantly you did not get an erection. My efforts on your behalf seem to be having the desired effect."

"What do you mean?"

"I have been giving you lesbian-oriented reading and having you and Hillary watch lesbian romance movies. The estrogen in those acne pills has also have helped with both feminizing your mental state and suppressing the male physiological response."

"Why are you doing. What are you trying to make me become?"

"It is time for you to know more about what is coming. As you know the gender reassignment treatments are given only to boys who have exceptional intellectual merit, which you have shown, and who are also rated as politically reliable. Reassigned boys are evaluated by the psychologists each year. To be approved for continued feminization requires being fully socialized as a girl who totally supports the norms of our feminist society.

"During your assessment the psychologists will be scoring you on what is called the 'Identity and Orientation Matrix.' This provides multidimensional measures of how you personally identify yourself on a male-female scale, and how your romantic orientation is focused on a scale from loving men to loving women. For someone like you who wants to be reassigned as female the best possible outcome of the Identity and Orientation scoring is for you to be high in the lesbian quadrant. By modern standards a male-born person who identifies as female and who is attracted to females is considered to be someone who deserves to be offered the gift of transgender transformation, and the opportunity to become a productive citizen of the Feminist Republic. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Kaylie nodded and looked off into the distance. "This is a lot to think about."

"I know. I warned you that becoming a girl is hard at your age. If only you had been reassigned earlier you would be so much better off now. But we will work together on this. OK?

"You need to get some fresh air. Why don't you and Hillary go in the back yard and enjoy the early spring weather until your Mother gets here?"

Day by day Madeline continued to provide Kaylie with opportunities to do normal girl activities. For the next weekend Madeline invited Kaylie to join Hillary and Stacy on a shopping trip to a teen fashion shop on the far side of town.

"Kaylie, you need to get some experience being out in public. I know you are nervous about being recognized, but the socialization is worth the risk."

"Will I get in trouble if someone figures out I am still a boy?"

"First, there is no law against a boy being dressed as a girl anymore. Before the Time of Trouble people could be harassed under vague laws that amounted to a ban on 'Walking While Trans,' but not anymore.

The experience of being outed might be embarrassing at first, but if you respond confidently you will strengthen your feminine identity."

"How I should respond?"

"Tell the truth. Just say, 'Yes I was born a boy, but I am going to become a girl.' That is all they need to know. Don't worry."

Madeline made sure that Hillary and Stacy kept a lively conversation going on the ride to the store. Kaylie was bombarded with unfamiliar questions about her fashion preferences, but learned to make up believable answers on the spot. When they arrived Hillary and Stacy dragged Kaylie into the store and started browsing. Kaylie decided that the best way not to be read was to act like a normal girl and show genuine interest in shopping.

After the initial excitement subsided Madeline made it clear that she had an objective. "Kaylie, up to now you have been wearing things that Hillary has given you. This is your first chance to buy a pretty dress that you have picked out for yourself. Don't worry about paying, it will be my treat."

Hillary and Stacy eagerly assisted Kaylie in going through the racks and provided endless comments about styles and colors. This was followed by a cycle of picking something, heading to the changing room, doing a careful inspection in front of the mirrors, and trying on next dress. Kaylie was amazed to see how much her attitude changed depending on how each dress looked on her. Eventually she selected a party dress that would be fun to wear with her girlfriends.

Everyone agreed that the dress was fancy, frilly, and feminine and totally appropriate for the fun, fearless, female that Kaylie hoped to become. Madeline was delighted, paid at the counter, and they all headed home. What they did not notice was the car that arrived just as they walked out of the store and who was in it.

Soon, the school year was almost over and Kaylie was looking forward to never having to present a Kyle ever again. A daily gender change was nerve wracking, and Kyle never really felt safe at school after the incident where Jimmy shouted out his observations from peeping.

Since Ms. Lee intervened to arrange for more self-study time Kyle normally left school after morning classes. But, today there was a special all-student lyceum he had been told to attend. Kyle was sitting alone in the lunchroom waiting for the bell. There was no real alternative. He did not want to hang out with the few boys in the lower grades, and he had been endlessly reminded that middle school boys do not hang out with girls at school. Suddenly he saw several of the most popular girls in his class approaching his table. Stacy's sometimes friend, Pamela, who always played the queen bee role with the girls in their class, sat down directly across from Kyle. Meanwhile the other girls gathered around. Nervously Kyle looked up.

"So, Kyle Clark, are the rumors we have been hearing true?"

"What, are you talking about?"

"You know, we all heard the things Jimmy was shouting at you before he got expelled. Something about you and Hillary dancing in her bedroom."

"And the way you sometimes walk with a wiggle down the hall," added Becca.

Carol cut in, "And the other day I saw someone who looked a lot like you come out of a dress shop carrying something really cute on a coat hanger."

Kyle knew he was cornered. The snickering and giggling was getting more and more intense. Neither Hillary or Stacy were nearby. He saw Ms. Jayne Wood and Ms. Lee in the hallway outside the lunchroom, but there was no way to ask them for their help. Besides, any teacher intervention would likely make matters worse. He remembered the advice Ms. Lee had given to Kaylie.

Pamela started up again. "So, pretty boy, are you trying to become a girl?

Kyle straightened up and looked her in the eye. "As a matter of fact, yes!"

The giggles were replaced by gasps from the girls.

Kyle continued. "I have made a formal request to the counseling staff to be considered for gender reassignment. Outside of school I am receiving feminization training to prepare me for the official psychological assessment. Any other questions?"

Kyle sighed. The truth had been spoken. The reactions were swift.

"Eeeek - he's a freak."

"Weird"

"Gross"

As he held his ground Kyle noticed that the girls attitude slowly started to change. Then Pamela came to his rescue.

"This sounds awesome. I think you'll become an awesome girl," Pamela suddenly declared changing the mood.

The teasing at his expense was being replaced by curiosity and the even a few sympathetic comments.

Just then Hillary marched up. "Why are you bothering my friend?"

"What's this 'your friend' stuff," someone started before being cut off.

"We just wanted to know if what we heard about Kyle was true," Becca said apologetically.

"The name is Kaylie, and yes she is hoping to become a girl and attend High School next year. My mother and I am helping her get ready." Hillary pulled Kyle up from the bench. "Let's go before the teachers notice."

Hillary and Kyle headed into the hall where they were stopped by Ms. Lee. "You both did an outstanding job. The truth gives you power. I am proud of what each of you did. We were watching and listening, but were confident that you could handle the situation.

"Now go to the auditorium." She paused. "Kyle, it will be OK if you sit in the same row as Hillary for the lecture, just have an empty seat between you two."

The lunchroom confrontation with the popular girls made the last week of school exceptionally stressful. Now everyone in the school had heard about Kyle's situation. Most of the popular girls were tolerant or accepting, but there is an incredible amount of disapproval as well. Madeline continued in her role as champion, and intensified Kaylie's girl training as the scheduled assessment approached.

Ann continued to be a passive bystander in contrast with Madeline's enthusiastic efforts. Kaylie remained confused by her attitude. Mother always seemed to avoid participating in the feminization experiences that Ms. Lee provided. She would claim to be busy or have errands to run. Mother changed the topic very time Kaylie tried to talk about her goal to become a official girl legally, socially, and most importantly, physically. Discussion of medical interventions seemed really upsetting to mother.

Kaylie had just arrived at Hillary's house when Ms. Lee, who was still wearing her school counselor dress clothes, indicated she wanted a serious talk.

"Hillary, get some refreshments and bring them to the living room. Kaylie will appreciate having something to drink."

Kaylie wondered what this was going to be about and looked to Hillary for support. That opening did not sound good.

"Kaylie, I need to talk to you about some of the tests that will take place when you go to the Regional Center for your assessment. As you know one of the objectives is to screen for political reliability and assess your gender identity and sexual orientation. We have talked about this in general, but I have not gotten into specifics.

"One of the examinations will involve the modern version of a test developed over a century ago called the Freudian Thematic Apperception Test. You have heard about Freud in the readings I gave you. He was an early psychologist who developed a complex theory of childhood psychosexual development. Many of his ideas have been discredited, but others are the foundation of our modern understanding. His major contribution was pointing out the importance of childhood experiences and that sexual identity is already formed long before puberty.

"The Thematic Apperception Test developed from his theories. In this test the subject was shown ambiguous pictures and then asked to tell a story about what they thought the picture represented. There would be pictures of men and women, of couples, and pictures where the sex of the individuals was ambiguous. In the modern version the person being examined is shown pictures in a closed room while being monitored by instruments that measure involuntary responses that relate to the emotional state.

"These instruments are based on old 'lie detector'technology. Although you will be asked to tell stories about some pictures the instruments will give the assessment team a measure of you hidden thoughts."

Kaylie was becoming more and more agitated as the conversation went on.

"Kaylie, be confident going into the test. Your school reports state that you have shown strong feminine traits since you started kindergarten. Ever since you aced the aptitude test I have been giving you both reading and real-life experiences to help you develop the mind of a girl your age. During the test keep refocusing your mind on positive feminine experiences. You will be able to convince them. Believe me."

The day after the intense discussion about the upcoming Thematic Apperception Test Madeline wanted to defuse the tension with lighter topics.

"Kaylie, have you considered what you are going to wear to the Regional Assessment Center on your big day? We really have not talked about this."

"Not really. You told me that I need to make a good first impression presenting as a girl, but I do not have a lot to clothes chose from."

"You need to arrive presenting yourself as a beautiful and confident girl. How could anyone expect you to express your girl identity if you are wearing Hillary's second hand clothes? I think we are going to have to take you shopping again and get you something that fits well and looks very serious and professional. The only new dress you have is way too frilly to wear for interviews with the psychologists. You will also need matching shoes and accessories to complete the look. We will also get you some makeup in your colors, not Hillary's extras. We need to do this right away. You need to practice applying very light makeup that looks feminine and businesslike, but that will still be age-appropriate for the occasion."

A couple evenings later Madeline took Kaylie and Hillary on the promised shopping trip. Madeline assured everyone that there was no longer any need to be secretive. Kaylie was gaining confidence, but still not totally comfortable presenting as a girl in situations where she might be recognized. Her mother's continued reluctance probably affected the mood. Ann had declined to accompany them shopping and just loaned Kaylie a charge card to pay for her new outfit.

Madeline directed the girls to a store specializing in business and professional attire, but that had younger clothes as well. At first Kaylie was overwhelmed by the choices, but Madeline and Hillary were full of advice.

"Saturated primary colors make a bold statement. You want a classic look; nothing too trendy. How about this one? It looks very feminine without being at all flirtatious. Here hold this one up. Yes, it is one you should try on."

Eventually Kaylie had selected a striking yellow dress with contrasting red scarf, a belt, a shoulder bag, and a pair of kitten heel shoes.

"Mother, will it be OK if I loan Kaylie a nice necklace and lucky charm bracelet?"

"Yes, that will remind her of your support. But keep the bracelet subtle, don't go overboard."

Kaylie thought they were through, but Madeline next lead the way to a hair salon.

"You have been letting your hair grow out for a while now and making do with my occasionally trimming it in my kitchen. It is time for your first professional feminine style."

Kaylie smiled. She had worried about how the androgynous hair style she needed for school would detract from her appearance at the assessment.

Madeline walked up to the receptionist desk at the salon. "I am Ms. Lee, I called earlier for an appointment. This girl needs a styling appropriate for a important interview. Her hair is a bit short, but I am sure you can give her a totally feminine look."

As the stylist put the apron around Kaylie's neck she whispered. "Aren't you Kyle Clark? The boy everyone is talking about?"

"My name is Kaylie, but I am not going to deny any rumors," she replied confidently.

"You are really brave, dear. Let me see what I can do for you."

Kaylie was getting more and more stressed as the big day approached. Madeline tried to balance the urgency of preparation with fun activities to help Kaylie keep up her spirit. Hours of feminist reading were broken up by getting into a leotard and tights for a movement and dance session with Hillary. Madeline, Hillary, and sometimes Stacy led Kaylie through numerous role-playing exercises to reinforce her feminine personality, then switched to informal feminine chatting.

Finally the preparation time was over. Tomorrow would be Kaylie's crucial day.

Chapter 6 - Psychological Assessment

Synopsis: Kaylie undergoes a day of intense evaluation and proves she deserves reassignment as a girl. Ann Clark finally acknowledges the reasons for her fear and hesitation about her daughter's feminization training. Things move quickly for Kaylie once the official approval is granted.

Kaylie got up after a restless night of sleep. Today was the official psychological, gender identity, sexual orientation, political reliability, social adjustment, cultural literacy and everything else assessment that was going to determine her future. Madeline, her champion and personal trainer, had been constantly assuring her that she was totally ready to make a convincing case for being reassigned. But Kaylie still was worried. She sighted and decided to do a few minutes of yoga meditation. After calming herself down she put on her recently purchased set of professional-looking girl clothes, brushed her hair into the feminine style that the hair salon had created, applied a light touch of makeup that would meet Madeline's approval, and headed for breakfast.

"Are you ready for today, dear."

"As ready as I will ever be. But scared too. I do not want to have to spend the rest of my life as a male. If I am not approved I will want to ..."

"Please, Kaylie. Don't even think that sort of thing. Think positive, feminine thoughts. Everything will work out alright. But, this is frightening for me too."

Just then Madeline and Hillary arrived. "We wanted to come over here to show out support and wish you well. As a professional counselor I know you are ready. Just follow your female intuition and you will be fine."

"Kaylie, when you have been with me and Stacy you have presented 100% as a girl. Remember that."

"I have solicited very positive recommendation letters from the teachers who know you and who are sympathetic, and I had them sent in for your evaluation file," Madeline added. "Be a confident girl when you walk in there."

On the way to the regional career and gender center Kaylie noticed that her mother was tightly gripping the steering wheel. Kaylie focused on meditation and memory recall exercises and said little.

They arrived, signed in, and after a few minutes wait were greeted by a formal looking staff member in a white coat who escorted Kaylie to the first of many examining rooms and offices that she would visit that day. Looking back as she left the lobby she could see her mother was misty eyed again.

What followed was a whirlwind sequence of medical examinations, interviews with various professionals, sitting in testing rooms filling out multiple choice questions, and doing role-playing exercises in front of teams of evaluators. Then she was brought to the room she had been dreading the most, the Thematic Apperception Test.

"Kyle Clark, that is your legal name even though you are presenting as a girl today, you will now be given the computer-aided Freudian Gender and Orientation test. Please strip down to your underwear and sit in this chair while I attach the various instruments and position the cameras. This is a modern, very sophisticated version of what they called a 'polygraph' or 'lie detector' before the Times of Trouble. On the screen will appear various images that have been carefully selected for clinical evaluation purposes. Some may look graphic, but all have been edited for viewing by a minor. You will be asked to describe the story that the images suggest to you. The instruments will monitor your involuntary responses: heart rate, breathing, skin moisture. The cameras will monitor your eye movement, facial expression, and any arousal reactions. It will be emotionally stressful, but it is necessary to measure these data if you are to be approved for reassignment."

The door closed, the lights dimmed, and images came up on the screen. Some images were enjoyable, others upsetting, and others seemed to give Kaylie no reaction at all. Kaylie started to relax. From time to time a voice over the loudspeaker asked for more of a story about the image. Other times music filled the room. Then the images became more and more disturbing with suggestive depictions of men doing disgusting things with women and with each other. It became harder to talk about the scenes. Kaylie felt her stomach clench and she tried to suppress her response. Suddenly the door opened and someone shoved a bucket in front of her as the vomit gushed from her mouth. She was given a towel to wipe up and a drink of water.

"Don't be embarrassed. Reactions like that are not unusual. I warned you that this test is emotionally stressful."

The process resumed, and now the images were of girls and women alone and in couples. There was less use of line drawings and less digital blurring of photographs now. When asked for a story Kaylie was relaxed and talkative. Between stories she tried to think about the wonderful evening when she saw Hillary naked, of all the romance fiction that Madeline had insisted she read. The mind focusing exercises worked, and her boy parts never stirred. Finally it was over. The lights came back up and the technician came in to remove the instruments.

"You can get dressed now and then wait for me to take you to the next station."

Kaylie noticed that both women in the control room were smiling at her as she was escorted away from that high-tech torture chamber.

Finally, after even more interviews she was back in the waiting area where her mother greeted her. "How was it?"

"Exhausting, terrible, frightening, stressful, everything bad." Kaylie sank into a chair and put her face in her hands. "I can't talk about it right now. I have no idea of how I did."

"Do you want to go to the cafeteria and get something?"

"No," Kaylie said sharply.

After and excruciating hour of waiting Kaylie and Ann Clark were led into an office where the Chief Psychologist sat impassively behind her massive desk. Kaylie was shaking as she sat down to await her fate.

The Chief Psychologist broke into a wide smile. "I cannot say anything official until all the paperwork is done, but informally Miss Kaylie Clark, you are now a girl." She waited and said nothing more until Kaylie stopped hugging her mother.

"Looking at all the interim results as they came in today I could see that you will definitely have a final score that makes you eligible for gender reassignment despite your age. Once all the results are compiled we issue the certification documents that make you officially female. You will be able to have the necessary medical treatments to transition your body, and you will be able to continue in school and train for a science or technology profession of your choice. You are most fortunate that Madeline Lee recognized the terrible mistake that occurred when you were not assessed for reassignment at the normal age. She insisted that your potential was too great to ignore and figured out how to present your case as a necessary and justified exception to normal practice."

Kaylie had calmed down a little. This was all so wonderful. But when she looked at her mother she saw a mix of grief and worry.

The psychologist continued, "As you know the Feminist Republic only allows those who are politically reliable to enter any of the professions that control power in modern society; government, law, medicine, defense officers, engineers, scientists, computer specialists, and so on. We pay very close attention to the evaluation of gender identity and sexual orientation when deciding if a highly intelligent boy is a suitable candidate for reassignment, because many historic traitors were seduced and compromised by illicit loves.

"Kaylie, what you showed today is that you are not patriarchal or misogynistic in any of your thinking. You are most definitely not a male homosexual. You show no attraction to men and boys. You identify fully as a girl, and you show age-appropriate attraction to other girls. There is every reason to expect that you will mature into a happy, well-adjusted woman who has healthy lesbian relationships.

"If you had been selected for feminization in Elementary School the gender transition team would have been nurturing these traits in you year by year. With Madeline's help your latent potential has emerged, and you have adequately compensated for the unfortunate mistake that happened.

"We will process everything by tomorrow, and you should schedule an appointment with Dr. Rebecca Taylor the day following. School is now out so there is no reason not to start spending full time as a girl. You can register for summer enrichment programs and look forward to attending the all-girls High School starting in Autumn. I think your mother needs to take you clothes shopping. Good luck, young lady."

The Chief Psychologist looked at the files on her desk. "There is one form here that we still need Ann Clark to sign. It is the maternal consent for gender reassignment. It will need to be in the medical records before Dr. Taylor can take any irreversible steps with your daughter."

Ann's hands were shaking as she took the document. "Can I take it home to read and bring it back when we see Dr. Taylor?"

"Certainly, this it a binding legal document. Take whatever time you need to read it."

"Mother, please. Why won't you sign the consent right now? I worked so hard to get through the assessment. I am ready."

"Kaylie, I have to think."

Kaylie was subdued when they left the Regional Assessment Center, but started to recover during the ride. She had a plan. "We need to stop at Lees' and tell them in person right away. I am sure they are anxiously waiting. No don't call ahead. I want to see Hillary's reaction and then just hug her."

Kaylie confidently swayed her hips as she glided to the front door. She did not care who saw or recognized her now. She rang the doorbell and waited. When the door opened Madeline had a calm, professional expression, but Hillary looked worried.

"I passed," Kaylie shouted with excitement. "I have a gender treatment appointment with Dr. Taylor for the day after tomorrow. I'm on my way!"

After several minutes of laughing, crying, hugging, and cheering the excitement died down.

"Let's take Kaylie out to dinner at a nice restaurant to celebrate," Madeline suggested.

"But dressed like this? What if someone recognizes her?"

"Ann, her reassignment will be official tomorrow. You cannot keep it a secret. Besides, the professionals have declared that Kaylie is a girl. Why should she not go out to dine wearing a dress?"

Madeline left to call the restaurant and Kaylie followed her out of the room. A few minutes later Madeline returned. "I called for reservations and we do not need to be there for an hour. Ann, let's sit and talk. There is something important that needs to be addressed. You girls, go to Hillary's room, please.

Hillary and Kaylie bounce off giggling with excitement. Once the door was closed they grabbed each other and hugged in a way they had never done before.

"You passed. You are going to become a real girl full time."

"I am a girl now, Hillary. You and Madeline have been telling me that for months."

"There is definitely a girl inside your head. No doubt. But you also need the registration certificates and new ID card so that your real gender can be your official gender."

"I know. Tomorrow they said the paperwork would be complete."

"Even more important, you need to get on a full dose of female hormones right away and start growing breasts and hips."

Kaylie looked at herself front and sideways in the mirror. "I have a lot of filling out to do before I catch up with you."

"Don't worry. Girls mature at different rates, look at Stacy. You just need extra help. Speaking of extra help, when are you going to be castrated, you know, have your little boy-balls cut off?"

Kaylie scowled, "I don't know. Apparently Mother needs to sign some papers first. It seems something is wrong with her."

There was a knock on the door. "Hillary, Kaylie, lets have a talk."

In the living room Madeline was sitting at her reading desk looking very formal and professional. There were documents spread in front of her. Ann was in a chair with her hands in her lap and was staring at the wall.

"Ann, I am speaking to you as both the school counselor for Kaylie, and as a professional on the family counseling team that has been working with you. It is clear that you have been evading some of the issues. You have promised in your counseling sessions that you were going to deal with these things as a mature, responsible adult. For Kaylie's sake we need to bring your issues out in the open right here and now."

The tension in the room was overwhelming. Madeline turned to Kaylie. "Kaylie, you are a big girl. Ask your mother the question that you told me has been bothering you."

Kaylie was in tears. "Mother, you have promised to support my becoming a girl, but you keep hesitating. Like today, when you did not sign the consent form. And you always seem to be afraid of something. Afraid to see me changing into a girl. Afraid to see me do girl things with Hillary. Afraid ...." She could not continue.

Madeline gave an emphatic look then turned to Ann. "Ann, tell Kaylie the truth."

Ann started in a hesitant voice. "Kaylie, I'm sorry. There are things that happened long ago that have prevented me from doing what I should have for you. I have been in denial. I need to confront my repressed emotions. Until the recent family counseling sessions I never told anyone, but ..."

Kaylie met her mother's eyes.

"... my parents were conservative religious fundamentalists who were married in the Church of God the Father. Your grandfather was a domineering patriarch who abused both me and your grandmother. To him women existed only to please and serve men. He regarded any men who expressed the slightest approval of feminist ideas as enemies of civilization. He was a member of the KKK and took part in raids on the homes of gay and transgender people. He bragged about once trashing a hormone therapy clinic and stealing the patient files. I was forced to sit through Sunday School lessons at the church and nightly family scripture reading where he selectively misinterpreted the holy book."

Hillary held Kaylie, and Madeline gave her a tissue to wipe her eyes and a glass of water.

"Eventually your grandmother rebelled. There was a messy period of family fights and arguments. One day while he was out on business your grandmother quickly packed a couple of bags and we went to a safe house across town, and from there moved to another city. We never saw that monster again.

"Our escape happened right at the peak of the Times of Trouble. We ended up in feminist territory and by the time I was your age grandmother had sworn allegiance to the Feminist Republic. In high school I studied feminist social and political theory along with all the other girls, but I was always troubled.

"My mother got me away from the mind controlling of the Church of God the Father, but by then a lot of false ideas had been implanted in my mind. To your grandparents males and females were created by God and sex at birth was an unchangeable aspect of the soul. I had been brought up to consider any attempt at physical sex change or even any social gender non-conformity to be a unforgivable sin.

"Even as an educated adult you can never completely escape childhood religious indoctrination. Feelings of fear and guilt creep into your mind again and again. I tried to control them, but sometimes professional counseling is necessary."

Madeline looked at her. "And now tell Kaylie how these feelings of yours have affected her."

"You were conceived semi-naturally so there was a 50-50 change for boy or girl. Like most mothers I was disappointed that you turned out male. When you started pre-school I fully understood that the Feminist Republic needed all the politically reliable talent they could get. I received the normal information on the programs to evaluate little boys each year and select the most intelligent boys to be made into girls. I found this idea to be logical, but emotionally frightening. I knew you had been scored as both intelligent and feminine in your first and second grade teacher observation reports.

"I kept you home from school on the day for your scheduled third grade educational and gender assessment. I deliberately ignored the remainders to reschedule you. I was afraid you would be selected. I just could not accept that making little boys into girls was right."

"Mom." Kaylie cried. Madeline professionally calmed the situation and indicated to Ann that there was more to say.

"All these old fears and guilt feelings came back to me when you started asking about gender reassignment so that you could stay in school past eighth grade. On one hand I knew that you were a good candidate academically and when younger you had expressed transgender tendencies. Madeline and others encouraged me to be supportive and I went along reluctantly. On the other hand, I could not emotionally accept the idea of gender reassignment, and kept resisting and hesitating. Like when I was presented the maternal consent form, today."

Madeline spoke authoritatively, "Thank you for bringing these issues out in the open. Once difficult words are said openly in the presence of your family and friends it is possible to finally resolve the underlying problem. What are you going to do now?"

Ann looked at Kaylie then reached out her arms. "I am going to love and support my daughter and do everything I can to help her become the woman she was meant to be."
After a few emotional minutes Madeline again took charge. "We need to hurry, we are already late for dinner. This is going to be an even bigger celebration tonight. Kaylie, go to Hillary's room and redo your makeup. You look like you have been crying."

As Kaylie started to wash the streaks off her face Hillary was sorting through outfits in her closet. "Let's really look good tonight. These two dresses are the same style, but one is blue and the other yellow. You pick, and I will wear the other. And let me look for a few accessories that match."

The restaurant was elegant and the two girls felt very grown-up in their stylish outfits. To their dismay they were allowed only non-alcoholic mock cocktails for the post-meal celebratory toast.

Hillary grinned. "Girls always go to the restroom and freshen up after dinner. Shall we?"

Ann and Madeline lead the way. In the Feminist Republic the public female restrooms were always large and elegant, while a small grungy male restroom was provided for any accompanying little boys, workers, or suitably controlled boy-toy companions. For Kaylie going into the women's restroom at a fancy restaurant with Mother was a major rite of passage.

As they exited Ann and Kaylie encountered a neighbor going in. The woman stepped back and gave Kaylie a careful look, but did not say anything.

"You need to go public now, Kaylie," Madeline declared. "Ann, tomorrow you need to take Kaylie and introduce her to the biggest gossips in your neighborhood. The story will spread like wildfire once they see her. There is nothing unusual about elementary school boys getting reassigned anymore, but a boy becoming a girl at the end of Middle School will be big news."

"Do we dare do it before we get the official papers? What if something goes wrong?"

"Ann, you agreed to be 100% supportive. Besides if the Regional Center delays I will use all my professional clout to pry the final decision out of them."

Finally the official reassignment documents were in hand. For the past two days Kaylie had been swinging between uncontrollable delight and sheer terror that something might still go wrong. But today Kaylie woke up with a feeling of total relief. She had now seen her newly issued ID card with her feminine name and the gender marker "F", and a girl's picture that, like all ID photos, did not do justice to her appearance.

She eagerly got ready, and soon Ann and Kaylie were on there way to the gender clinic appointment. Unlike previous trips Kaylie and her mother kept up a lively conversation all the way to the parking lot. They headed to the office suite for Dr. Rebecca Taylor, signed in with Kaylie's new ID card, and waited with a mix of anticipation and excitement.

"Here is the signed maternal consent form, dear. I am sure you will enjoy handing it to her." Compared to her guilt and hesitation at the Chief Psychologist's office Ann was now decisive. Still, Kaylie noticed a lot of tension in her mother's hands as she passed document.

Dr. Taylor greeted Kaylie with a big smile and was much friendlier that she had been at the previous visit. "Kaylie Clark, your case has been a professional challenge for me. I am pleased that the gender and career counselors have now given the formal approval. Perhaps I was to cautious and hesitant to do anything controversial without the psychologists signing off. I have wanted to help you, and now I have all the authorization I need to officially start your medical transition.

"I was amazed by the enthusiasm shown in the cover letter from the Chief Psychologist. You clearly want to be reassigned, and there is no question about your eligibility. I will say more about this later, but briefly the evaluation team consolidated all different stages of approvals that normally would have happened between age seven and twelve into one decision document. Because of the years you spent as a boy you are behind the normal medical schedule and the official protocols and timetables need to be adjusted for you.

"Very few males start their transition at your age. Before the Times of Trouble most males who transitioned had to wait until eighteen or older because of legal constraints, but some brave doctors tried to intervene with younger boys. Since the Great Social Transformation the treatment specialists have gained increasing experience feminizing boys who start the process at six to eight years old, but there is still much controversy regarding optimal timing for critical steps.

"Before I say more I am going to apologize for not going beyond standard guidance at your first appointment. At your age male puberty could erupt at any moment. I shared your concern at your previous visit, but did not want to get ahead of official approvals and risk my professional reputation. I should have listened to Ms. Lee and risked getting into 'good trouble' - her favorite term - back then. Now I must help you quickly.

"There is no time to waste. At a minimum, I am going to give you a hormone injection today, and will prescribe the best cocktail of oral hormones and androgen suppressors that current pharmacology suggests."

Kaylie was on the edge of her chair soaking in every word.

"You will start experiencing many of the changes associated with female puberty: mood swings, hot flashes, tenderness around your nipples. You will soon start noticing that you are developing breast buds and a reshaping of your hips and buttocks. Since girls like you do not have a uterus you will be spared the abdominal cramps and menstrual periods. You should be grateful, but most transgender girls regret missing out on these very female body experiences.

"One thing I noticed. Your blood test at the Regional Center this week showed an exceptionally high level of estrogen for a boy. In fact, you were at the low end of the range for a girl." She paused and looked Kaylie in the eye.

Kaylie figured she had been caught. Madeline had told her to stop taking the acne pills two weeks before the assessment, but she actually stopped only one week before. She had been too terrified of what might happen if her hormones reverted to male levels for too long.

"I suspect you might have gotten some pharmaceutical help by an unofficial route. That is very dangerous. But I understand your motivation, and am not going to ask any more about it.

"Let me continue. As I mentioned earlier, I need to accelerate the standard transition timetable so that you can catch up with boys who were reassigned much earlier. In addition to hormones you will need surgery. The assessment paperwork shows that the psychologists agree you are mentally a girl, and committed to a full transition. I recommend we do at least the first stage surgery as soon as possible but there are options.

" Let me show you some diagrams illustrating the modern surgical procedures that are currently being done to boys who are identified for reassignment. Because we are transitioning males at such a young age we find that the staged surgeries work much better than trying to do everything at once like the so called sex-change clinics did before the Time of Trouble. Once the boys in elementary school make a social transition to living as a girl we do a temporary cosmetic procedure. The surgeon pushes their testicles back inside the body and folds the scrotum over the penis. This makes them look enough like a girl down there to allow tight clothes to fit between the legs, and avoids any embarrassing incidents in toilets and changing rooms. In theory this procedure is reversible, but I have never actually seen a child want to go back to being a boy after initial cosmetic surgery. After a few years of progress evaluation and low-dose hormone treatment the reassigned boys are ready to be castrated. After cutting off the testicles the surgeon does another a cosmetic procedure to create a more realistic female external appearance and urinary opening. The sensitive tissues are tucked inside to keep everything safe until the girl is older and is ready for a final operation that opens up a vagina and creates a clitoris. Many contemporary transgender women are exclusively lesbian, and do not bother with the vaginoplasty. That option avoids a lot of pain, hygiene issues, and other complications, but can still be sexually satisfying.

" Normally when a transgirl reaches her the end of her pre-teen years I increase the hormone dose to induce puberty, and then wait until there is significant breast development before doing any surgery beyond the grade school cosmetic procedures. That gives time for a final psychological assessment before the big irreversible step. In your case the psychologists have already signed off, and I am recommending a very compressed schedule because of your age. Even though you are just starting on a feminizing dose of hormones I am willing to offer you immediate castration. Once I surgically remove your testicles you will no longer have male hormones competing with the female hormones that you will be taking. You will feminize much faster, and there will be zero risk of any male secondary sexual characteristics developing. In any case, I strongly recommend you have me do the cosmetic work so you will not have to hide boy parts from your friends and classmates. As for adult stage surgical procedures, you can decide when the time comes."

Kaylie took a deep breath and made sure she was sitting in a relaxed, confident pose. This was what she had been waiting for ever since she learned about the idea of reassigning highly intelligent boys.

"I am ready to have you make me into a girl right now," Kaylie declared emphasizing each syllable.

"Let me repeat, you have options. Do not feel you have to rush."

"I understand. I have spent months waiting for this opportunity. I am not afraid to make a irreversible step."

"The assessment team has signed off on full medical transition including irreversible surgery. Your mother has signed the necessary consent form for me to proceed. But it is your body and you need to do what your feel is best for yourself.

"First, do you want me to fix you cosmetically 'down there'?"

"Of course. The sooner the better." Kaylie giggled. "It will make it so much easier to have sleepovers with my friends."

"I see you have a sense of humor. But, this is important. Now I need to ask you the decisive question explicitly. Are you ready to be castrated?"

Kaylie took another deep breath. "Yes." Kaylie could see that Dr. Taylor expected her to say more. "I do not want to have those boy parts any longer," Kaylie added forcefully, emphasizing each word.

"Good. But, I need to remind you again that once you have this procedure done there is no going back. If you change your mind you will never ever be able to be a normal male again."

"I understand. Ms. Lee has talked to me many times about this."

Kaylie knew there would be no going back. A new future would open up, and a birth destiny would be left behind. "Let's do it."

"Let's have your mother come in so you can tell her your decision. I suspected this is what you would want so I left my afternoon schedule open.

"The nurse will take you to the procedure room where you can get changed, and then we can get started."

Epilogue

The hormone treatment and initial surgery were totally successful, and Kaylie was able begin her High School years as a girl. She developed an increasingly female body, even though it took a few years to catch up with her friends. She is now focused on her education, but also developing an active social life. Kaylie is looking forward an scientific career contributing to the advancement of an environmentally responsible feminist society. The Feminist Republic of Pacifica needs women like Kaylie to create the technology needed to deal with the recurring threats from misogynistic hostile states beyond the borders. But all this may be the topic for a future story.