In the near future the Great Social Transformation has created a society in which women hold all the authority and power. Men remain uneducated and are restricted to mindless labor. But the Feminist Republic does not waste science and math talent, and has provided an alternative for a few special boys. We follow one special boy who got a late start on the journey to gender reassignment.
Chapter 1 - History Lesson
Kyle was half listening to his eighth grade teacher as she droned on about recent history because he was furtively reading ahead in the book as usual. There were topics in the book that he knew Ms. Jayne Wood would be skipping over, and he was curious about them. He was well aware that boys were discouraged from independent reading or any independent academic activity, but the girls were encouraged to be learn and study whatever they wanted. Girls could even select their own books to take home from the school library. Regardless of the frequent negative comments received from the teachers Kyle loved all his school subjects from art to science, and always had the top academic scores of anyone in the boys' cohort. In past years there had been a lot of boys in his grade, but each year more and more dropped out of school. They either started apprenticeship training or just went off to work along with their fathers and the other adult men. Most of them left school barely read or handle simple numbers, but that was regarded as enough education for them to work.
This year there was only one other boy still in his class. Kyle had known Jimmy Smith for years and they used to play and do pranks together, but not any more. Jimmy started doing more and more macho things while Kyle remained a real goody-goody who was obsessed with obeying his mother's rules and pleasing the teachers. In earlier grades Kyle was able to hang out with both the boys and the girls. Now in middle school Kyle was mostly alone because interaction between boys and girls was strongly discouraged.
"Do you want to go with me and practice throwing a ball?" James would always ask as the headed out to recess. "You need to build up some upper body strength. You look frail for our age." Every day it was the same boring routine.
Kyle could not disagree. He was short, thin, and looked like more like a sixth grader. Reluctantly he would join James at the edge of the school grounds while jealously watching Ms Wood, or another teacher, lead the girls through stretching exercises and dance routines. Whether in academic subjects, extracurricular activities, or at home, girls always got extra attention and opportunities.
Suddenly Kyle's mind returned to the history class in progress. Ms. Wood was asking questions, and Kyle wanted to be prepared even though she usually only called on the girls.
"Emily, name a work of classic literature that is considered an inspiration for the founding of our contemporary Feminist Republic of Pacifica."
Emily paused while Pamela, who sat next to her, whispered something. "The Greek play 'Lysistrata' where the women brought an end to war by exerting their s-s-s ..., their power over men."
"It is OK to use the word 'sexual' in social studies class. We are all big girls here. Well, except for James and Kyle of course. Pamela, see if you can answer the next question more completely- how do women in our Republic use their power to control men?"
"Our book says that 'males live in work camps where they are rewarded with drugs, alcohol, pornography, and the chance to earn enough social credit to be a sperm donor. Technology and automation now allow males to be content without being serviced by females.' But, I am not sure what all these words mean."
Kyle cringed. He had only a vague idea of what life would be like after he was forced to leave school. What he knew was mostly from hearing other boys talk. It did not sound appealing. Kyle was the only child of a single mother, and had no contact with his presumed father or other adult male relatives.
"Knowing what all that means is not a problem, Pamela. You girls are only in Middle School and you will learn much more about these things in High School and college. Next, Stacy, what happened in our country in the years just before the Social Transformation?"
"Those years were the 'Time of Trouble' when misogynistic and patriarchial leaders caused needless wars and hardship."
"Very precise, I see you have been studying. Now Carol, explain what happened in the Great Social Transformation"
"Women rebelled and used technology to gain control of safe territorial enclaves. Within these territories the women took power away from the men. Once the women had power they resolved to keep it and prevent masculinity from ever again setting the social agenda."
"And how did the feminist leaders achieve this, Rebecca?"
"They banned males from all the important political, managerial, and technological positions, and relegated men to unskilled labor so that their brains were disempowered, but their brawn could contribute to social advancement."
"That is an exact quotation from the text, very good."
Kyle noticed that the teacher was directing questions in seating row order. Maybe she would call on him when his turn came. He continued to listen to the questions carefully. He knew that he had excellent memory and could recite as needed from the book as well as any girl.
But, when it should have been his turn, the next question was directed to the girl beside him. Hillary was a smart, popular girl who was always nice to Kyle. He wished they could still be friends like they had been in Elementary School.
"And what education policies have been established to maintain feminist control of political and economic power?"
"Males are only allowed enough education to function in their assigned work. All males must leave school as soon as they are employable at productive work appropriate to their aptitude and natural skills. Males are not allowed to continue into high school or college."
Hillary looked at Kyle with a knowing smile as she finished her response. They both knew that this year was the end of Middle School and the end of Kyle's allowed education.
Nervously Kyle raised his hand and looked at Ms. Wood. Sounding annoyed she said, "I did not call on you, Kyle. Do you have something worthwhile to say?"
Several of the girls giggled at the teacher's put down.
"Do all boys have to leave after eighth grade? Aren't there any exceptions?"
A bigger wave of giggles passed through the classroom. James glanced at Kyle with a "you dummy" look. Surprisingly, Ms. Wood appeared to take the question seriously.
"Well, occasionally there is an special boy with exceptional intellectual endowments that would be of great benefit in protecting our feminist republic in a hostile world. These boys are selected by the career counselors and are placed in a rigorous treatment program that makes them completely into girls. After reassignment as girls they can go to High School and College. They then spend the rest of their life contributing to society as women in appropriate female social and professional roles."
Gasps replaced the giggles and everyone seemed to be staring at Kyle. Kyle's face turned red as the teacher resumed the lesson.
Hillary leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Maybe you should be one of the special boys!"
The rest of the day Kyle's mind was spinning and it took real effort to stay focused on what was going on in class, even in his favorite subjects like arithmetic. It always bothered him that the smart girls were able to take real mathematics classes, but the boys and the few girls who disliked science were taught only basic numbers and arithmetic. Finally the school day was over. Jimmy caught up with him as he headed home.
"That was a stupid question you asked. What kind of guy would want to stay in school longer that what the career counselor team insisted on? The only reason you and I are still in school is because we both got scores that make us eligible to be construction foremen in a technical trade. Being a foreman requires completing eighth grade arithmetic and writing."
"Yeah, I know."
"Aren't you looking forward to getting out of that girly school? Wouldn't it be great to be out working with a bunch of men all day."
Kyle looked off into the distance.
"Who would want to be made into a girl anyway? Sounds dumb having to wear dresses and makeup. I bet the first treatment those boys get is having their balls chopped off so they can grow boobs instead."
"Please stop. I'm thinking."
Jimmy gave Kyle a strange look, shrugged his shoulders, and headed home at a quick pace.
Kyle arrived home, headed up to his room, and tried to do his homework as usual, but his mind was elsewhere. What good was it to be excellent in school if the best he could become was foreman on a filthy construction site supervising semiliterate workers who could not figure out anything that involved arithmetic? It was the girls who got to continue through high school and college and become government officials, military officers, engineers, computer programmers, medical doctors, and all the other educated professions that have control over the direction of a modern technological society.
He kept thinking about the Ms. Wood's answer to his question. In the back of his mind he recalled hearing something like this before, but never so explicitly. What did it take to be become one of those special boys who were made into girls? What did those treatments involve? What happened to them when they became teenagers?
He knew that this kind of information was somewhere, but how to find it? As a boy his access to the internet and library books was highly, highly restricted. Boys had to go through an adult gatekeeper to access almost any information beyond school books and approved boy reading. Keeping boys ignorant about the world was one of the many restrictions had been placed on the upbringing of male children as part of the Great Social Transformation to prevent men from ever regaining power. Maybe he could ask someone about these special boys, but who and how?
"Kyle, it's time for dinner."
Kyle got up and shuffled to the kitchen. His stomach was in knots from what he had been thinking. Even on a normal day he did not eat much. If he had talked to anyone about his diet he would have been told that he had an eating disorder caused by early adolescent anxiety. His mother certainly observed the pattern, but never said anything about it. The transition from childhood to grown-up work, the coming end of school, the prospect of moving from home into a man camp dormitory associated with his assigned employment, the unfair preferential treatment girls always got compared to boys, all added up to an overwhelming crisis in Kyle's mind.
After nibbling on his dinner Kyle went back to his room and tried to study for a while before tumbling into bed. He was not really sleepy and much of the night was spent thinking about his dismal situation and trying to imagine alternatives.
The next day he watched for an opportunity to talk to Hillary. After elementary school girls were discouraged from socializing with boys, but it was still possible to talk to a girl once in a while. Kyle saw her walking alone in the hall at the start of lunch time and took the risk of going up to her.
"Were you joking when you made that comment in history class yesterday?'
"Maybe, maybe not. You are awfully smart for a boy." She gave him a knowing look.
"Not smart, I just like to study and do well in school."
"That's a silly thing for a boy to say. You sound like a girl."
"Will you do me a favor? I need to know more about the special boys who are made into girls. Who picks them and why? All that. Could you do a little reading about this and tell me what you found?"
"Why don't you read about it yourself?"
"You know that boys don't have library access to read what they want, and we are only allowed highly restricted internet accounts. You girls can explore and discover freely."
"Maybe there is a good reason for that. If boys learn too much they could grow up into troublemakers." Hillary looked concerned. "You shouldn't be asking such questions. You know we are asked to report to the teacher if we find out about any boys looking at unapproved material."
"Please don't report me," Kyle pleaded.
"Well, I don't want to cause trouble, but you know I try to be a good girl and follow rules." Hillary glanced around. "People will wonder what we are taking about if we keep this up. Good bye."
As she started walking away she turned. " I wish I could help."
Just then Kyle saw Stacy quickly walking down the hall. She positioned herself next to Hillary in a defensive posture and gave Kyle a mean look as the two girls turned their backs and marched into the lunch room.
Kyle knew she was right. His questions were entering forbidden territory. Still the idea of not having to leave school and move to a work camp was irresistible. More and more questions were churning in his mind. A few days later Kyle lingered until the social studies classroom was nearly empty and then timidly walked up to Ms. Wood's desk.
"Remember that question I asked about boys leaving school - you know, about exceptions. Can you tell me more? Please."
Ms. Wood looked at Kyle with compassion. "I already told you more than a boy should know. If you keep this up I may have to send you to the counselors. You know that following gender and career roles is very important to the stability of our country. You seem to be very troubled and at risk. Now head to your next class before you are late."
The rest of the school day was enjoyable as usual, but a deep sense of foreboding kept Kyle agitated. Jimmy did not join him on the walk home, which had become the new normal. Alone in his thoughts Kyle wondered what he could do next. Hillary had refused to help. Stacy, his other favorite Elementary School playmate, had become even more distant. Both Hillary and Stacy were teacher's pets who were obsessive about being role models for the other girls. They had reminded him more than once that mixed playing with boys and girls together was acceptable for little kids but discouraged for even eight and nine year olds and they were now almost teens.
Kyle thought about the long conversations he used to have with his mother and all the fun things they did together. This had gotten him in trouble with his friends at times; like when they peered through the window and saw him helping Mom cook lunch. He was called a sissy momma's boy for weeks afterward. The questions in Kyle's mind seemed to be something Mom could help with, but how to bring up the subject? Besides, what if she responded like Hillary and Ms. Wood had, and told him this was not something to talk about?
As usual Kyle headed to his room. He took out his arithmetic book and a piece of paper and started to explore some of the topics not covered in class. He had already studied topics far beyond what was needed to become a construction foreman, but getting lost in arithmetic and even real math and science was a way to cope. He remembered that he had been given a basic geometry handout since that material was useful for construction. He switched from arithmetic to geometry and started thinking about triangles. He suspected some things were always true, and tried to prove these ideas to himself. He thought he heard his mother talking on the phone, but continued to do sketch geometry problems and try to work out the proofs.
Mom was unusually quiet at dinner. She kept looking at him like something was on her mind. Kyle ate only a little because the stress of the last few days ruined what little appetite he normally had. After dinner Kyle helped clean up. He knew that other preteen boys would never be caught helping their mother with cooking and housework.
"Kyle, lets go in the living room and talk."
This sounded ominous. Her attitude indicated this was more than a friendly talk, and it probably meant something bad was in his future.
"Ms. Jayne Wood, your teacher, called me with a report." There was a long pause. "She said you have been asking about special boys who are made into girls. You have asked her unusual questions more than once, and she received a report that you even asked a female classmate to get information for you. Do you know what I am talking about?"
Kyle nodded. Hillary reported him after all.
"You were asking about special boys who are selected to be made into girls so that they can continue in school and eventually go to college. She asked if we had ever discussed this at home, and if you had ever expressed such interests.
"Let me tell you something. First, this topic is not something a boy your age should be concerned about. Second, asking about these things is likely to get you into trouble. Third, the stability of our society depends on everyone following appropriate career and gender roles as determined by social experts. But, since you started it, I will tell you a little about boys who are selected to be made into girls. The feminization treatment is something that is done only with special boys whose personality indicates that they will be extremely sympathetic with our feminist society and who also have exceptional talents that make them suitable for one of the highly trained professions. If they meet all the criteria they are put into a special physical and mental treatment program that makes them into girls. The transition is complete, permanent, and they grow up to live as women. Is that enough for you?"
"How long has this been going on?," Kyle asked with hesitation.
"In the early years of the Great Social Transformation there was a great need for technical talent to rebuild the country. Our leaders remembered how Imperial China used eunuchs as trusted servants of the court. You know what a eunuch is? No? I'll explain later. Men who were willing to serve the feminist cause were spared from banishment to the work camps, but had to make a physical sacrifice to show their loyalty and commitment. Because this first generation of contributing males became eunuchs as adults they were incomplete men, not real women. The policy of retaining the intellectual skills of effeminate males evolved. Now counselors and teachers look for exceptional young boys in elementary school and start feminizing them while really young."
What was his mother trying to tell him? When he looked up he saw that is mother had tears streaming down her face.
"Why did you start asking these questions. I never expected this to happen. Compared to typical boys you have been unusually close to me. I may have made mistakes bringing you up. Now I don't know what will happen. "
Kyle was both frightened and confused.
"Ms. Wood asked me a lot of questions and I am sure she was taking notes as we talked. After a while she said she was going to report this situation to the school counseling staff. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
Kyle wandered off to his room, threw himself down on the bed, and sobbed. After a while he started wondering if his many years of outstanding scores in school would still be his salvation. With great effort he tried to do some homework before dozing off completely exhausted.
Kyle could see that his mother was still upset the next morning at breakfast. He ate quickly and figured it was best to get out of her way. But, when he tried to go Mother wanted to talk.
" Kyle, we never talk very much about our relationship and your personality. I guess I find it all very difficult."
"That's OK, Mom."
"Maybe we should have had this conversation earlier. I would be delighted to have had a daughter. Is being made into a girl something that you would have wanted? You are too old for all this now."
Kyle did not know how to respond to that bombshell. And what did her last remark mean?
"Ms. Wood said that a lot of what will happen to you needs to be determined by the career counselor and other professionals. She said she was concerned about you, and that you probably will not like what you will be told by the counselor. Remember that I love you no matter what the outcome."
Kyle headed to school as usual, but deliberately avoided looking at Ms. Wood as he walked into history class. From his mother's remarks he was not sure whether Ms. Wood was his friend, his foe, or was just a pawn playing an assigned role. As soon as the room settled down Kyle was singled out.
"Kyle Clark, you have a meeting in the counselor's office scheduled for this class time tomorrow. Please go directly there."
Kyle realized that everyone was staring at him. Looking around he saw Stacy looking smug, but Hillary was looking sympathetic. Jimmy a had curious look that changed as the teacher addressed him next.
"James Smith, I am also excusing you from social studies tomorrow. You can occupy yourself outside on the sports field. Just stay on the school grounds.
"Girls, since both Kyle and James will be absent tomorrow I will adjust the topic schedule a bit. We will discuss how the Great Social Transformation and modern medical technology has change human reproduction compared to prior times. As eighth graders much of this will be unfamiliar to you, and it will be much easier to talk explicitly without any potential sperm donors around."
She waited for the giggling to die down. "Now, let us start today's lesson."
As they headed out after class Jimmy body checked Kyle forcibly against the hallway wall. "You dumb shit - what kind of trouble are you causing? Why are you asking about being allowed to stay in school and all that? Do you think you wanna be a girl?"
Jimmy tilted his head, glared in an assertive manner, and headed off. Kyle felt his sore shoulder but it did not feel like he had been bumped hard enough to cause any swelling. As he looked up he noticed Hillary slipping over to be within earshot.
"We only have a few seconds to talk. I didn't reported you. I decided to help you and was looking things up in the library. Stacy came by and saw the websites I had open. She demanded I tell her what I was doing. She asked what you and I were talking about last time. She figured everything out. Stacy is the one who reported you. I'm sorry. Bye. Good luck."
Kyle's mind was racing. Hillary actually tried to answer his questions. What is the counselor going to say to me tomorrow? Ms. Wood had said I would not like what I was going to be told. Why do Mother and Ms. Wood seem so apprehensive? Am I in trouble?
The next morning Kyle got up and picked out his newest and best school clothes. Boys usually are totally casual and informal about their school presentation, but somehow Kyle suspected that he should look neat and well groomed for today's meeting. He inspected his body while washing. He was still short, thin, and had not developed any face or body hair. He got a lot of teasing from the other boys about this in the gym locker room, but he did not care. He was not even embarrassed in school choir when he had to stand with the girls and sing the soprano line rather than the tenor or bass parts that had become the voice range of Jimmy and the few other boys remaining in school. He had learned about body changes in puberty and was not looking forward to them.
Kyle sat nervously on a chair in the counselor's office waiting area enduring glances through the window from people passing in the hallway. Officially boys came here to be evaluated for their future apprenticeship or work assignment after finishing their formal education and were ready to be removed from school. But, much more commonly boys were sent here to be disciplined for some transgression against the social order. Suddenly his name was called and he was ushered through an office door, where he saw a wooden chair in front of the desk of a kindly, attractive woman in a well-tailored business dress. She looked familiar and Kyle suddenly remembered that Ms. Madeline Lee was Hillary's mother. The family resemblance was striking.
"Kyle Smith, I will be brief and to the point. I have received a report that you have been asking questions about inappropriate topics. In response I have reviewed your files and talked to those who know you. The information I have received from your teachers and your mother present me with an unusual and difficult case.
"First a few quick questions to see if your answers match what others have told me: Are you looking forward to your assigned career role as a construction foreman? Do you enjoy being in school? Do you want to continue in school and be trained for a technical profession? And lastly, did you enjoy playing with Hillary and Stacy and the other girls when you were in first through forth grade?"
The questions were unexpected, but Kyle was a quick thinker. Without hesitation he answered, "No, yes, yes very much, and yes those were the most fun times of my life!"
"Exactly what I expected. Very direct and well spoken. I will also mention that I am impressed by your appearance today. You are very well groomed for a boy. Unfortunately, we have a problem. Let me explain.
"Your academic record and personality assessments indicate that when you in elementary school you likely met the criteria to be one of the exceptional boys who were selected for reassignment as a girl. At an early age you showed great potential for being successfully made into a girl and growing up as a female. As you progressed in school year by year your academic performance continued to be far above what is expected for a boy, and was even well above average for a girl. The recent interviews I conducted with your teachers indicates that your classroom demeanor, and your relationship with your mother are still very similar to what is normally expected for a girl. Your socialization in Elementary School indicated distinctly feminine preferences, but it appears that in Middle School you started to keep your feeling hidden, perhaps to avoid bullying.
"Overall, the files indicate that you should have been identified as a reassignment candidate. You should have been given the option to become a girl years ago."
Kyle was on the edge of the chair listening. This all sounded so promising.
"However, as I said there is a problem. For some reason you were not properly assessed back in Elementary School. Your promising characteristics were overlooked. No one initiated the necessary actions. No support statement from your mother is on record. As a result you have wasted the last four years attending middle school as a boy. You have missed out on important socialization and intellectual enrichment experiences."
Kyle looked down at the floor. "Are you saying that I missed my chance?"
"There may still be a way for you to become a girl. Do you want to hear about this option?".
Kyle looked desperate, and it took a moment to make a sound. "Yes."
"The Great Social Transformation had the goal of putting all the important positions in society in the hands of females to prevent any recurrence of the times of trouble. Our country exists in a hostile world and needs all the available intellectual and technical talent to maintain our country's international stature and the ability to preserve and defend our feminist ideals. Exceptional intellectual gifts are not constrained by biological sex. Our leaders realized that they could not waste exceptional math and science talent just because the brain was in a male body. Your mother told you about the eunuchs who served the Feminist Republic in the early years. These incomplete men served their purpose, but were politically suspect and often unreliable.
"Now, the goal is to select these exceptional male talents as young as possible and begin the feminization process early. Normally candidates spend four or five years being fully socialized as girls before medical intervention to start female puberty. The long preparatory period with annual progress evaluation ensures that we identify those who will grow up to be mentally as well as physically female.
"You are twelve, almost thirteen, and are at the threshold of male puberty. Basically according to the normal standards you are too old to be a candidate for reassignment as a girl."
Kyle slumped back in the chair in despair. There seemed to be no hope; no chance to continue in school; no future other than the work camps, only a grim future as a man.
The counselor waited a moment for all this to sink in before continuing. "However, your case is exceptional. Looking at your elementary school file I see someone who would have been an excellent candidate for reassignment both intellectually and socially, but something went wrong. Since then you have shown absolutely extraordinary ability in math, science, and social studies. Your behavioral evaluations are also very favorable for a male student. I do not think our society should let your talents go to waste in the work camps. You are also fortunate in that you have a naturally androgynous build and have not yet started puberty. Your mind and body would likely still respond well to treatment.
Ms Lee gave a sly smile. " How would you feel if you started growing breasts like the other girls your age?"
Kyle's eyes went wide. Before he could answer Ms. Lee resumed, "Your expression and body language tell me I have guessed right. Emotional responses to unexpected questions tell a counselor a great deal about your innermost thoughts."
"You mean I might still be able to become a girl?" Kyle asked in a tentative voice.
"Maybe. I talked to my peer counselors and they agreed your situation is unique. They recommended a full assessment and a committee review of your case as quickly as possible. The first task will be for you to take the eighth grade aptitude test which is scheduled in three weeks. Normally boys never take this test because they are at the end of their schooling, but there is no rule prohibiting it. I can just put your name on the roster.
"I need to warn you that you will be at a big disadvantage for the test. As a boy you have not taken the math and science enrichment classes that girls on the science and technology track are offered, nor have you participated in the intellectually stimulating extracurricular clubs that we provide to develop girl's social and mental skills. You will have to rely on your native ability and wit.
"If you pass this academic assessment hurdle you will still need to be fully evaluated for gender traits at the Regional Assessment Center. You have not spent the past four or five years being socialized as a girl. You will have a hard time convincing some of my peers that you are a viable candidate for gender reassignment at your age. But, if you do exceptionally well on the aptitude test you will at least have a chance to present your case to the regional gender and career evaluation team. My hope is that you can win the skeptics over."
Kyle left the counselor's office in a daze. The meeting had taken only a few minutes, but had felt like a lifetime. It was still social studies period so Jimmy would be outside throwing a ball against a wall or doing some similar typical boy activity. Kyle was not interested in being with Jimmy right now. He did not feel like phoning his mother either. He needed time to get his thoughts in order before confronting her with what he has learned. The person he really wanted to talk to was Hillary, but he well knew from past experience that this would be risky. Boy-girl conversations were highly discouraged at school, and he did not want to cause any trouble, especially now. Still. Hillary might be able to help.
Everything was so confusing. How was he ever going to be able to pass the aptitude assessment on his wit alone? And what did Ms. Lee mean when she talked about needing to be fully evaluated for gender traits? How would Mother react? Who were is allies in all this?
Chapter 2 - Aptitude Test and Consequences.
Synopsis: Mother reacts to the information from the counselor. Kyle must soon take the aptitude test normally given only to honors-track girls and demonstrate that he is intelligent enough to be considered for gender reassignment. The counselor explains the psychological testing that needs to happen next.
Later that afternoon Kyle managed to get near Hillary on the school steps when no one was nearby. It almost appeared that she had been lingering near the door just to give him a chance to talk to her.
"Quick, tell me what happened."
" I was told that I should have been made into a girl years ago. I might still have a chance. Not a great chance, but possible. I need to make up for lost time. First I need to do extraordinarily well on the eighth grade aptitude assessment. I know this is not normal. They are letting me take the test." Kyle was out of breath with excitement. Hillary's eyes were wide open. Given that Hillary had tried to help instead of reporting him, and her mother's supportive comments made him decide to take another risk. "I need your help."
Hillary did not show any negative body language so Kyle rushed on. "I need to get some advanced math and science books so I can study. I never had all the classes that you girls get to take. I can't get unapproved books from the library. Please, could you loan me a couple of books?"
Hillary looked around. No one seemed to be noticing their conversation. "There are rules that say males are not allowed to study forbidden topics. What you are asking could get us both into trouble. But, I always thought you should have been a girl. I'll try to help. How can I get the books to you?"
"Just leave them somewhere where I can find them. If I get accepted into the treatment ...." Just then they noticed Ms. Wood at the top of the steps talking to a crowd of year-six girls. Kyle and Hillary headed in opposite directions without looking at each other again.
Kyle headed home with his emotions bouncing between absolute ecstasy over the possibility of being made into a girl and the depths of self doubt about the assessments he would need to go through. He rehearsed the things he wanted to discuss with his mother after dinner.
That evening Kyle helped did even more housework than usual. He helped prepare dinner and then went and did some cleaning and straightening up. He wanted to make a statement. As expected, after dinner Mother indicated they should go in the living room.
"Sit down on this cushion in front of me, dear. OK, now fold your legs under you to one side and put your hands in your lap. Yes, sit just like you did when you were little."
Mother started gently brushing his hair. Kyle was confused. This was something Mom had not done with him for years; not since third or maybe forth grade. "I talked to Ms. Lee this afternoon and she gave me an update. I wish things had taken a different path. It would have been wonderful to have had a daughter these past few years. Now all I can do is think about the advice from Ms. Lee and Ms. Wood, and try to do the best for you."
"What are you talking about Mom?"
"I know what the counselor told you today. Ms. Lee said that you should have been selected as a candidate for reassignment as a girl back when you were in third grade.
"You probably did not understand what was going on back then, and even if you understood you would have forgotten the details by now. I have never been able to bring myself to talk to you about all this. Forgive me. You have such beautiful hair, if only..."
Kyle tensed up.
"It is true that during first through third grade you were an outstanding student, and your teachers noted that you had definite feminine traits like preferring to play with the girls and avoiding all rough play. So why did you not get reassigned? You were sick at home the day the counseling team visited your school to assess any boys the teachers had identified candidates for becoming girls. I did not consider your missing the appointment to be a big deal. I never had you rescheduled for the elementary school level gender and career assessment."
"Mom, why not?," Kyle pleaded. Had he lost out on his chance to stay in school and avoid a male work assignment due to a mistake?
"I remember one of your school's counselors calling to remind me to get you rescheduled, but I was not enthusiastic for lots of reasons. I procrastinated day by day, and never contacted your school about rescheduling the assessment."
Kyle could see that his mother was avoiding eye contact.
"Anyway, time passed and you moved on from elementary school into middle school and started forth grade. I found all these issues to be very difficult to deal with. Before I sorted out my thoughts you were had been identified for training in a semi-skilled trade. You seemed happy enough as a boy, and the easiest course was to just let things continue as they were heading. But I had my doubts. If things had worked out differently I am sure you would be happily on your way to womanhood now.
"Eventually I learned that the activists who claimed that the reassignment of boys for feminization was evil were actually fronts for some of our society's enemies. All the claims of harm to the child were misinformation. As Ms. Lee reminded me today, our society has developed sophisticated tools for evaluating boys at an early age and identifying the ones with excellent potential for a happy and successful feminization."
Kyle was fidgeting uncomfortably. "I need to go to the bathroom."
"OK, dear. Are you going to sit down and wipe after, like other girls do?"
"Mom, I only stand with the guys at school. I always sit to pee at home, you know that. It keeps the bathroom cleaner."
"I know. That is the sort of thing that has been giving me doubts about you for a long time. I am sorry about not ..."
"I have to go." Both his brain and bladder were full. He needed a moment alone to digest everything Mother had said. Mother clearly had regrets about what had not happened. Tonight she brushed his hair just like she did years ago when she called the experience 'girl time.' He had noted the "like other girls" in her choice of words. She must have been aware of his feminine inclinations, and had never done anything about it. But Kyle realized that he had always been afraid to bring up gender topics too.
The next day Kyle was alone as he headed out of the school for home. Jimmy was clearly avoiding him. Ahead, he saw Hillary and Stacy walking in a direction that would cross his path. Both were carrying stacks of books. Their arms were in front of their chests underneath the books, a way of carrying books that Kyle had been reprimanded for occasionally imitating. Hillary looked him in the eye, smiled, and nodded her head in a 'follow me' gesture.
The two girls sat down on a bench facing the school yard fence. Kyle interpreted Hillary's body language to indicate he should keep his distance so he slouched against another part of the fence and tried to hide his anticipation. After a brief pause Hillary and Stacy got up and headed off. Kyle tried to not call attention to himself or the three books he saw that Hillary had left on the bench.
Once he was sure that no one was watching Kyle strolled over to the bench, picked up the books, put them under his arm and headed away at a quick pace. Boys were not expected to do much homework so a boy carrying even one, let alone three, books is something people might notice. Fortunately, he was able to get home without anyone asking what he was doing with all those books.
He dashed up to his room, closed and latched the door, took a deep breath, and looked for the first time at what Hillary had left him. There were two books that looked like test preparation: Advanced Science for College Entrance Exams, and Honors Algebra and Trigonometry with Pre-calculus. The third book looked like biographies of famous women both before and after the Great Social Transformation. Each was several hundred pages, and the aptitude test was in only three weeks. Was he even going to be able to understand anything from these books when his previous education constrained to grade-school arithmetic and basic rote-learning science? Kyle knew he had to try.
Without wasting a moment Kyle started reading. The science and math topics looked far more advanced than what he had heard that the honors section eighth grade girls studied. Where had Hillary gotten these books? As he turned the pages he found a couple of pieces of note paper between the pages. The first was a welcome message:
"I would love to see you join us girls in High School next year. Study hard and good luck. Hillary."
The other note surprised him completely. "I am sorry. Forgive me. Stacy"
These expressions of support filled Kyle with encouragement but he knew he had a lot of work ahead. He rushed through dinner and a quick kitchen cleanup and then dashed back to his room where he studied as long as he could stay awake. This became his daily routine. Realizing that he had to make use of every moment he started scribbling cryptic notes on paper that he could contemplate at while sitting in his regular undemanding classes.
One day Ms. Wood was walking around the room during reading time and noticed Kyle had a paper filled with lines, letters, and numbers folded inside his book.
"What do you have there? Show me."
Kyle wondered if he had been caught doing forbidden math. Ms Lee, the counselor and Hillary's mother, had said that his social and behavioral school record had been favorable up to now. This was not the time to get disciplined for doing something forbidden in class.
Reluctantly he handed her the paper. He watched her frown as she tried to figure out what is was about. Finally she tore it up and threw it in the trash can.
"I don't know what this is all about, but I do not think it is proper for you. Are you and James exchanging messages? Go back to your reading."
Kyle relaxed. Ms. Wood was a social studies teacher, and she likely had not studied very much geometry. Kyle's calculations probably looked like secret code to her.
After that close call Kyle started memorizing a few problems each morning before leaving for school. During the day he could solve them various ways in his head and anyone watching him would think he was daydreaming. Although his emphasis had been the math and science books Kyle also managed to read a little from the biographies of famous women. During the school day he would recall events from these women's lives and try to find connections between them.
Fortunately, his mother respected his privacy and allowed him to shut himself up in his room every evening. He told her he had to get is mind in order for the upcoming test, but did not tell her about the books from Hillary hidden in his closet.
"Dear, what are you doing saying up so late every evening?"
"Thinking about the aptitude test. Focusing my mind. Looking at my school books."
"I wish you had some more advanced books to study. I would like to help, but you know it is forbidden for boys to read the kind of books that are studied by girls preparing for science, engineering, technology, and math careers or even the humanities books that are studied by girls preparing for management or politics. We will both be assessed by the gender and career committee, and I we do not want either of us to be caught breaking the rules."
She looked directly at him. "I am not going to search to see if you have anything hidden in your room. Never visit forbidden web pages. The servers record search history."
The night before the test Mother convinced Kyle to let her brush his hair before going to bed early. Kyle slept soundly, exhausted by his late night studying in recent weeks. In the morning Kyle was offered a cup of caffeinated tea and a large sweet roll.
"Something to stimulate your thinking and give you a sugar rush, too," she said with a smile. "Good luck Dear, be confident that you are as smart as any girl."
Kyle arrived at school and headed toward the testing room. He waited down the hall and watched the girls stream in until a few minutes before the scheduled start. Then, he walked in a went to an empty desk that looked inconspicuous in the back corner. Even so, heads turned as the girls wondered what a boy was doing in the testing room. The proctors were handing out test materials and scratch paper while scanning for cheat sheets and electronic devices. The bell rang and the test started.
Kyle stopped doing the deep breathing meditation exercises his mother had taught him, and stared at the first page. For a moment nothing made sense. The first math section looked like nothing that he had ever seen in arithmetic books. Of course, these questions involved trigonometry. But, how was he supposed to know the values of trig functions?
He focused on a mental image of the famous 30-60-90 triangle with sides of one, two, square root of three. Suddenly he could calculate the sine of 60 degrees. This line of thinking got him through the first few problems and built confidence. Of course, a 45 degree triangle had sides in proportion of one, one, square root of two. More problems solved. Then things got much harder and more abstract. All of a sudden Kyle recalled that sine squared plus cosine squared of the same angle always equaled one. This substitution simplified another group of problems that looked impossible at first. Then came an algebra section. The first part was easy but then the questions got harder. Kyle suddenly realized he was unsure of the quadratic formula. This formula would be the key to a long series of questions. An inspiration came to him - he could check his recollection of the formula by comparing to an easy equation that he could solve by factoring. Eventually he hit the pre-calculus questions. All he could do is look at the questions and make a logical guess at the answers.
The first break time came. As the students headed out into the hallway he heard a sarcastic snarl from behind, "What are you doing here? Do you think you're a girl?"
"Leave him alone, he has the counselor's permission to take the test. Mind your business."
Whoever snipped at him headed off as Kyle looked up "Thanks, Hillary."
"Are you doing OK, Kyle? That math part was tough. I had to skip a lot of questions. I have to go before some sees us talking. Good luck."
Kyle walked past the long line of waiting girls and headed directly into the boys room. Since there were no other boys in the room he went into a stall and sat down. It seemed like the right thing to do today. As headed back to the testing room he passed some girls still waiting their turn, and realized that even in feminist society there are a few male privileges remaining. But, if his mother had just rescheduled his assessment back in grade school he would now be happily in the girls' line.
He always though Hillary was really smart, but she said she had to skip math questions. Kyle knew that is was always better to answer rather than skip a question if you had at least an even chance of being right. If Hillary was skipping questions the test must have been at a really high level.
The next section was involved chemistry, physics and technology. Exactly the subjects boys were forbidden to study in school. Everything in the clandestine review books had been new and confusing. Kyle stared at the first few questions unsure of how to even start.
After a few deep breaths he looked at the questions again. He recalled that energy has the dimensions of mass times length squared divided by time squared. Using this and the dimensions of other quantities like acceleration and velocity he could quickly deduce the correct form of the equation the solved the word problem. One after another he tackled the mechanics and dynamics problems. Energy conservation was always the key. He slowed down on the first electricity problems, but then remembered that there was an analogy of electric current to fluid flow. Fortunately he had been taught basic plumbing problems as part of the schooling given to boys on the construction trade track. Using these ideas allowed deducing more formulas based on those he had already done. The session ending bell rang and Kyle had only a few problems left unfinished. He slumped in his chair aware that the morning sugar and caffeine rush had worn off.
Next was an essay section. The writing prompt suggested that this essay tested reasoning ability, social thinking and rhetorical argument. He needed something to write about, but could recall only a few disconnected chapters from the biography book. Calming himself down he took a few minutes to mentally outline his ideas, and then started composing the essay that might seal his fate. He did not have many facts to work with so he started with what he had and tried to build a logical story. He wrote about the actions of the transgender army soldier Chelsea Manning who had leaked classified information during the Iraq war and the brilliant cyberdefenses created by the eunuch computer scientist Natalya Rusik during the times of trouble. He then tied those two examples together with a totally speculative argument that gender dysphoria played a central role in motivating both of them to loyally serve the causes of freedom and feminism at great personal risk.
Kyle stared at the floor as he headed out of the testing room. His face was pale and his body was slumped forward as he walked. The chatter of the girls comparing their experiences on the test was unbearable. He noticed Hillary and Stacy walking briskly down the hall.
"Cheer up," Hillary whispered as she passed. Before he could reply Stacy made quick eye contact, smiled, and then both girls turned and kept going.
When he got home he smelled his favorite dinner simmering on the stove. That evening his mother pampered and consoled him. As she brushed his hair she kept reassuring him that he had tried his best and that she would support him no matter the outcome. Now all Kyle could do was wait for the test results.
He went to bed early and collapsed. During the night he woke up with a nightmare. He was being told that he was too old to become a girl and that he was going to become a construction foreman in the work camp. After this he tossed and turned until it was time to get up.
A week later Kyle was called out of class, this time by a hall monitor, and told to go follow her to the counselor's office. Most of the girls were starring at him as he headed out the door. His heart was racing as he walked solemnly down the hallway. Given all the questions he had struggled with on the test he was ready to be told that he had not done well. As soon as he opened the counseling center door Madeline Lee greeted him with an inscrutable expression. She directed him into her private office and directed him to sit down.
"I am sure you are wondering what I have to say. Do you want to know how you did on the test?"
Kyle's palms were sweating and his mouth was dry. Why is she playing these mind games with me, he thought.
Ms. Lee's face filled with a friendly smile. "Kyle, you exceeded all expectations. I have been working in this counseling office only a couple of years, but my coworkers tell me that no girl in this school has ever done as well. Your performance was absolutely amazing.
"You took the test we give to honors-track eighth graders. It is the same basic test we repeat each year throughout high school. That way we can assess progress and find the girls who should be in even more accelerated classes. Many of the questions you answered correctly were at the level expected of a tenth or eleventh grade student, and a few were actually college level material.
"Ever since I first examined your file I believed that a terrible mistake was made back in elementary school, and that you deserved reconsideration for feminization. I found evidence of a strong curiosity and interest in math and science that motivates your desire to continue in school through high school and college even if it requires giving up any possibility of manhood. Based on your aptitude test results I am totally convinced of the merits of your case, and I will be your champion. I will have to write letters and sit through meetings, but the payoff will be wonderful for everyone concerned. Minds like yours are rare, and our Feminist Republic will benefit by your being allowed to go to college and then join an appropriate profession.
Kyle's head was spinning. Was this all possible?
"Kyle Clark, do you want to continue in school, go to college, and dedicate your career to the benefit of feminist society?"
"Yes. Of course!," Kyle nearly shouted
"Now, I need to ask the big question." Madeline looked deeply into Kyle's eyes as she evaluated his demeanor and body language. "Do you want to be made into a girl, completely, permanently a girl?"
Kyle was ready. "Yes, more than anything in the world," he said softly.
" Marvelous. I have known you personally since you were friends with Hillary in elementary school. Everything I have learned about your personality indicated that you will welcome the opportunity for gender reassignment. But, I needed to hear you say it.
" Do you want me to call your mother at work right now and let her know the news? Oh, and do I also have your permission to tell Hillary everything? You know she has been anxiously waiting ever since the test."
After a, short but emotional conversation with Mother, Ms. Lee indicated there was more to talk about.
"At this point you have demonstrated your intellectual merit, and this was an essential, crucial step. The aptitude that you have shown makes the next step possible. You also will have to be assessed by a counseling team for gender traits including your commitment to transitioning, your gender expression, your sexual identity, and your political reliability. Getting through this assessment will be even harder than the aptitude test because so much depends on female socialization, something that you have missed over the last four years. Getting you ready for this personality assessment will take more preparation than the cramming you did for the aptitude test."
Kyle jerked back. What had she figured out?
"It is clear that you had help getting ready for the math and science test," she said firmly. "Surprised? I know some of what happened." She paused and stared at him.
"Don't worry about being accused of cheating. The proctors were suspicious as soon as they saw a boy in the room, and you were watched closely. I got them to document in writing that they saw no improper behavior on your part. Besides, how could you have been copying someone's answers when you were doing better than anyone else in the room?
"I am talking about the books Hillary loaned you. She shared forbidden material with you."
"Is she in trouble?"
"Well, I explained to her what the famous civil rights leader John Lewis long ago called 'good trouble.' Hillary did something that was wrong, but for a good reason. I may have even conspired with her in finding the books that would help you the most."
Kyle looked at Ms Lee wondering what was next.
"Regarding borrowed books and test preparation, your essay section was most impressive. It was so good that during the counselors' meeting several of the women on the evaluation team asked how a boy could possibly know so much about Manning and Ruskin. They knew you were not taught any of this in school because the history textbooks used in mixed gender classes do not cover such topics, and we severely restrict the books boys are allowed to get from the library. I did not like the direction that the conversation was going. To protect you I very deliberately said, 'we should focus on the quality of HER thinking about gender and political topics.' This was enough to get everyone distracted from the question of how you knew all those facts, and my choice of pronoun helped set a new tone for the rest of the discussion.
"I will remind you, my main job as a counselor is to do the best for each girl in this school, I am including you now, and to advance the security and prosperity our feminist society. I am not paid to enforce rules. I will not say anything more about your test preparation to anyone."
"Thank you, I promise I will stay out of trouble."
"Now listen closely. I know this is all exciting to you, but do not rush ahead of the official process. At the moment you are still legally a boy, and are subject to all the rules our society has imposed to keep males in there place. There is much wisdom behind the structure of our Feminist Republic. Long ago the ancient Greek thinker Plato described an ideal republic where an educated elite of wisdom-loving philosophers advised the king. His mistake was that he assumed that patriarchy was the ideal. That nonsense dominated political and social thinking for centuries.
Our society has adapted Plato's ideas, but with women in charge. The laws must be followed to maintain social order. There are special rules for those undergoing gender reassignment. but it is not clear how they apply to someone who is starting at your age. With luck and hard work I hope you will soon meet the requirements and be officially reassigned as female. Until then stay out of trouble. Whenever your are at school or out in public you need to continue to present your self as a boy and follow all the appropriate rules and restrictions. Understood?"
Kyle nodded as he wondered how long this suspended transition state was going to last.
"In private things will need to be different. Before you can officially reassigned as a female the counseling team will need to sign off on your personality, social, and political assessments. These issues are subjective, and your living as a boy through middle school puts you at a big disadvantage. Just as you crammed for the aptitude test you must now spend every private minute developing and nurturing the personality appropriate for a girl your age. When you arrive at the assessment center you must look, act, and think like a girl. Your internal identity must be a girl. It will be very hard to accomplish this. Your mother and I will help you. Are you ready and willing?"
Kyle nodded again but he was shaking in the chair. This morning he was terrified that he had not done well enough on the aptitude test, and now he was being told that a more difficult assessment was ahead. He had a general idea of what she was talking about but had no idea of what developing a girl's personality would involve. And he had to achieve this personality change quickly.
He thought about how he had spent forth through eighth grades as a boy. It was not just being restricted to lower level classes. He also had been forced to play sports and do other boy things while Hillary and Stacy and all his other elementary school friends were participating in things like music, dance, girl scouts, and science club. He had been wearing blue jeans and work shirts while the girls came to school in pretty skirts and dresses. In the morning he splashed water on his face and ran his fingers through the mop of hair that his mother had kept a bit on the long side. The girls had been getting professional hair styling and were even experimenting with a touch of makeup. He did not know what girls did on sleep-overs, but he was sure he was missing important experiences there too.
Madeline Lee saw the Kyle had calmed down. "Let me reassure you. Your elementary school file indicates that you were clearly showing feminine traits before the age of seven. We know that personality is largely determined by that age. When you were not assessed for reassignment you entered middle school as a boy. To stay out of trouble with your peers you learned to suppress outward feminine expression. But the feelings never went away, did they? I know you have been close to your mother and that she has shared limited female experiences with you. I have talked to Hillary about how you try to secretly still be friendly with her. Yes, I know counselor's should not be taking with students about their classmates, but remember what I said about good trouble. From what she tells me, and from all the evidence in your file I am sure you can convince the assessment team that you have potential to become a girl. We need to bring out your feminine traits and let you blossom.
"There is one more thing we need to discuss. At your age sexual identity is a difficult topic to discuss explicitly, but you need to confront it. Part of the assessment is to determine whether you are homosexual, or to use non-medical slang that you may have heard whether you are gay or a fairy. As gender and career counselors we manage an assessment process designed to select boys who have the potential to become highly intellectual transgender women who have healthy relationships with other women. From historical experience we know that feminized gay men are not politically reliable. Their loyalties will always be torn between feminist society and their male lovers. Do you understand what I am talking about?"
"A little." Even at his young age Kyle had heard about gay men, but did not understand much.
"I have told you enough for now. The immediate task is for you to do everything possible to make your mind into that of a modern eighth grade girl. Only after everyone is convinced that your mind is female can you be scheduled for medical procedures that will permanently change your body.
"I am very concerned about how close you must be to puberty. In health class you learned about all the changed that take place in boys as they enter their teen years. Obviously, we do not want that to happen. If we delay your social and psychological assessment for few extra months it will give you more time to prepare. But your biological clock is ticking. It would be a tragedy if you started puberty while waiting for the psychological and personality assessment phase to be completed. I am going to schedule you for an appointment with Dr. Rebecca Taylor who my be able to help. She will call your mother tomorrow."
Kyle arrived late at his next class. As he gazed around the room he looked at the girls differently from before. He was confident that next year he would be one of them.
When he got home that afternoon Mother was obvious agitated "We have a lot to talk about. When Ms. Lee called from school I learned that I have a brilliant child. Congratulations on the test. I wanted to know more, but I had to be careful talking from work. People might hear. Tell me everything Ms. Lee discussed and how you feel about all this."
Kyle excitedly told her more about the test results and Ms. Lee's saying she would be his champion, but became more subdued as he related the upcoming psychological assessments. At times Mom would stare misty eyed into the distance.
"I admit that I made a mistake not having you assessed in elementary school, but that is all past. I will also admit that I have enjoyed our private girl time together like when you helped around the house and when I brushed your hair in the evening. I was so confused. I would have preferred having a daughter, but I had resigned myself to the fact that I gave birth to a boy. I raised you according to the socially accepted rules and guidelines of today's culture."
Kyle tried to understand her message. She clearly did not share his enthusiasm about becoming a girl.
"I do not want anything bad to happen to you. What Ms. Lee is talking about will be a difficult path with necessary steps that involve mental and physical pain. I know a little about what boys selected for feminization are subjected to. Is staying in school so important to you that your are willing to permanently give up being a boy?"
"Yes, yes. That is what I told Ms. Lee," Kyle cried desperately. "Please help me become a girl. I have never wanted to ..."
"Calm down. This is all so sudden. I need to think about it. Ms. Lee made an appointment for us to talk with a gender treatment doctor about your situation. I do not want to agree to anything drastic until after we both have talked to her."
The next morning Kyle could see that Mother was very stressed. He ate silently and did not bother her with his own troubling thoughts. He stayed in his room studying until it was time to go.
Chapter 3 - Doctor's Refusal and Mother's Continued Reluctance
Synopsis: Kyle is told by the gender doctor that he needs to have the psychological assessment before she will prescribe anything. His mother continues to be a reluctant participant in the feminization process.
All the medical interventions for feminizing boys were centralized at the regional facility. It was a long drive to get there, but neither Kyle or his mother Ann felt like talking on the way. Finally they arrived, checked the building directory, and found Dr. Taylor's suite. After the registration formalities Kyle was told to wait in an examining room while his mother was interviewed by Dr. Taylor in her office. The nurse assistant efficiently checked his vital signs, asked some medical history questions, and then left. Kyle sat looking around room. He noticed a wall rack of information pamphlets with titles like "Hormones and the Transitioning Boy" and "Deciding the Best Options for Surgery." He was about to start reading one of them when he heard the doorknob turn. He quickly sat down as Dr. Taylor entered.
"Good morning, Kyle. You may call me Dr. Rebecca. First names with title create more open doctor-patient dialog while still maintaining a professional relationship." She had a highly professional manner, but obviously knew how to put patients at ease.
"Ms. Madeline Lee, your counselor, has asked me to meet with you on short notice and prior to your psychological evaluation here at the Regional Center. This is unusual. Because of your age your case is a challenging one. Our regional team has evaluated many boys for gender reassignment. As you probably know, only very special boys are considered; each individual school typically refers someone for reassignment evaluation only every couple of years. Not every boy who is evaluated there is approved to become a girl. I have reviewed the material sent me by Ms. Lee, and I have now spoken to your mother."
Kyle was breathing heavily and his fingers were gripping the chair arms.
"You appear to have been showing favorable traits since early childhood, and the fact that you were not fully evaluated in third grade or soon after is most unfortunate. Now I am confronted with a child whose amazing aptitude scores indicates potential to make important scientific contributions, but who has spent his middle school years being educated and socialized as a boy. Everything would have been much easier if you had been evaluated in a timely manner It is almost certain that you would have been referred to this clinic four or five years ago. Your psychological evaluations, social transitioning, and medical treatments would have been started at the proper time and in the proper sequence using our current feminization protocols.
Your situation is further complicated by your mother's ambiguous attitude. The last few days have involved a lot of new information, and she is very stressed by your situation. Your mother may need support and counseling. I am telling you this because successful feminization of a boy requires an adult female's full and unconditional support.
"Ms. Lee scheduled this emergency appointment because she is concerned about how close you may be to puberty. The good news is that you still have a little boy's androgynous body. You have not developed an adolescent physique, nor has your voice started to change. There are drugs I could prescribe that would keep your male hormones from initiating irreversible changes.
"Boys who are referred here on the normal schedule are given hormone blockers and a low dose of estrogen when they start middle school. The drugs affect their bodies, but more importantly affect the development of their minds."
Kyle was ready to tell her how much he wanted her help. The doctor looked at him with a sad expression.
"In recent decades nearly all gender reassignments have started much earlier than your current age. You fall outside the scope of the standard protocols, and adjustments would need to be made. There is little clinical outcomes research to guide me."
Kyle did not like what she was implying.
"But, the crucial problem is that you have not yet been given the psychological, social, and political assessments for gender reassignment. In fact, it appears that Ms. Lee has not even gotten you scheduled for this here at the Regional Center. As a responsible professional I do not believe in starting medical interventions until all the recommended age-based assessments have been done and the Chief Psychologist has given written approval. The purpose of the personality assessments is to be as sure as possible that the child will complete the gender transition and will grow up to be a successful and happy female.
"Although some procedures I can offer a pre-teen are reversible, others are not. If a boy leaves the feminization program, voluntarily or involuntarily, the next step is a work camp career assignment. Consider the danger. Can you imagine a beardless teen with a high voice and budding breasts arriving at a work camp? It is a disgusting fate you do not want to even think about.
"Given your mother's mixed feelings, and given that you still need psychological assessment, I do not feel comfortable providing you with any medical intervention right now."
Kyle started crying. As he sobbed his mother was brought into the room. She hugged him and started crying too. "Let's go," she sobbed. "I know you are disappointed, but I have agreed to talk to Ms. Lee privately about your situation. She was a family counselor who worked with adults before she hired on with the school. I am sure she will help me figure out ... I love you, Kyle, no matter what."
Kyle was still shaking as they left the clinic and headed back toward home.
"Do you want me to drop you off at school, or do you need to take a sick day?"
"School," Kyle said shapely. He was upset, but in school he could keep busy. When he got home he received a surprising announcement.
"Eat quickly. Ms. Lee is coming over this evening."
This was unusual, Mother often had female friends visit and sometimes spend the night, but Ms. Lee and mother had never been close friends as far as Kyle knew. From what had been said earlier he realized that this was a professional visit about him, not a social call. Kyle ate and then helped Mom clean up as he always did. Frantically he went around the living room picking up his stuff and making everything tidy. He was carrying an armload into his room when the doorbell rang.
Kyle returned to the living room and was shocked to see both Ms. Lee and Hillary standing in the doorway. He had been taught better manners than most boys. "Good evening Ms. Madeline Lee and Hillary Lee," he said nervously.
Ms. Lee immediately took charge. "I decided to bring Hillary at the last minute. I am sure you don't mind. Ann Clark and I need to talk on a professional basis. We can stay here in the living room, but would appreciate some privacy. Hillary, please go with Kyle to his room and stay there until called. Just keep the door part way open."
Kyle's mother looked shocked.
"It is all right. Hillary is mature enough to handle the situation and keep things proper. Kyle has not had a chance to really talk with her for years. Besides, we need to start using every chance we get to give Kyle experience doing the things that every normal girl does."
"But my room is a mess," Kyle said desperate for a way out of this situation.
"Nonsense, Hillary has likely seen worse", Madeline declared. "Other girls do not always keep their rooms neat either. Now get going, girls."
Hillary marched to Kyle's room and went right in.
"Did you hear her say 'get going, girls' and refer to how 'other girls' keep their rooms?" she said with a conspiratorial smile.
Kyle did not know how to answer and stood dumbfounded.
"Look Kyle, my mother is a professional counselor who understands your situation. She said she would be your champion. She is already thinking of you as a girl. She asked me to help you and, of course, I agreed. Let's make use of the time and get started."
Kyle pulled back. Like other boys his age he had received endless warnings to stay away from girls and not get into trouble. He had been told of older boys who snuck away from the work camps and who were severely punished for what they did with girls. Why did Ms. Lee come up with this crazy idea of going to his room, and why did his mother not forbid it?
"Kyle, I know what you are worried about. I am not suggesting we do the disgusting stuff boys used to pressure girls to do."
"I'm not like those men in the work camps who ..."
"Kyle, don't be afraid. I can see by your reaction that you are not into that sort of thing. Listen to me. I suspect you are not comfortable being a boy, and you need to start thinking like a girl right now.
"My mother told me that our big personality assessment will be soon. If you want to stay in school you will need to convince everyone that you have the mind of a girl. Unlike the boys who were lucky enough to be reassigned in elementary school, you have not spent years living 24/7 as a girl. I bet you have never even worn a dress."
Kyle rolled his eyes.
"That was a good start. Girls roll their eyes all the time. Now let me tell you a few girly secrets. And after I tell you my secrets you need to tell me about these pretty dance posters on your wall and explain why you have a floral bed spread."
Kyle blushed.
After nearly an hour Kyle and Hillary were called back to the living room. There was some polite conversation and then Madeline and Hillary left. Mother leaned against the wall and sighed as the door closed. Kyle busied himself cleaning up and awaited what would come next.
"We had a long, professional conversation about my feelings and your situation. I am still uncertain and confused, but I agreed to follow-up sessions with Madeline and with some other specialty counselors.
"What is important is that she convinced me that I need to be supportive of your desire to transition into a female, college-bound student. I told her that I was really concerned about the drastic changes we both would face, and the consequences if your transition attempt is not successful. I was nervous but listened to her. She insisted that the best outcome for you will be to be approved for reassignment, be accepted into the treatment program, and then grow up female. She promised that she and Hillary would do everything possible to prepare you for the next assessment step. She kept reminding me that mother's support is an important factor in successful gender reassignment.
"She told me a great deal about the psychological assessment you will need to undergo. She said you will be asked questions to evaluate your attitude on many social, sexual, and gender related issues. They will ask you to talk about things that normal boys are not comfortable with, and your answers will need to express your deepest feelings. She said you will need to instinctively think like a girl. Your suitability for becoming a girl will be evaluated using age-based progress standards. She explained that your problem is that those standards were developed based on boys that were selected for treatment when much younger. To be convincing during the interviews you will need to think, talk, move, and use body language like a girl your age. Madeline insisted that this can not be just play-acting. You have only a short time to get ready. This worries me, and I am afraid.
"She said she wants Hillary to spend as much time as possible with you between now and the personality assessment. She told me how Hillary helped you prepare for the aptitude test. She is willing to get into good trouble for your sake. I reluctantly agreed with her plans.
"You should rest now. It has been a stressful week. Girls enjoy reading in bed before falling asleep. I know you still have that biography book Hillary illegally gave to you. Curl up with it and enjoy."
Ann Clark hesitated. She remembered the pretty sleepwear she used to buy for Kyle when he was little. Would he like a nightgown again? She was too exhausted by the day's events to complete the thought.
The next day in class Kyle noticed that Hillary kept glancing at him with a knowing smile. She was nicely dressed as usual in a trendy, stylish outfit. Kyle started daydreaming about what it would feel like to go to school wearing something like that. Reluctantly he refocused his mind on the lesson. Hillary and Stacy were chatting and looking toward him at lunch, but of course kept their distance. Kyle wondered what the girls were talking about, but knew that he was still officially a boy and should not try to join their table.
Mother was unusually quiet when he got home and initially avoided eye contact. Eventually she called Kyle over.
"I am still uneasy about all this, but I promised Madeline that I would support you. On the way home from work I stopped at a store and bought some girls' panties in your size. Do you want them?"
Kyle looked at what she had placed on the table and eagerly picked up the package on top. "Thank you, Mommy." He looked at the wrapped contents with anticipation. "Can I try a pair on right away?"
"If that is what you want, OK. Remember, you must wear them only at home for now. I will need to show you how girls take care of their underwear, panties are more delicate than boys' briefs.
As Kyle dashed to his room he heard, "Come back right away and help get dinner on the table. Madeline and Hillary will be here soon."
As Kyle changed underwear he recalled some of the things Mother used to buy for him to wear at home when he was little. She never called them girls' clothes, but he remembered that the smooth fabrics and colorful prints were different from his normal school and outdoor clothes. Why did she stop?
Mom was quiet again all through dinner. There were so many things Kyle wanted to ask her about becoming a girl, but he hesitated. As he cleaned up the kitchen he wondered why his mother was so hesitant. Was it guilt about something in the past, or lack of confidence in him?
The doorbell rang, and Kyle rushed to the door. Madeline and Hillary were carrying bulging bags.
Hillary gave a knowing look. "Wait until you see what we brought."
Madeline looked Kyle over. He was wearing the informal, casual, somewhat dirty clothes typical for a boy his age. "I am going to run some errands. I expect to see someone much better dressed when I return.
"Ann, I told Hillary that she can spend as much time with Kyle as she wants, and she is enthusiastic about coming to visit here in the evenings. You will be most welcome to bring Kyle over to our house frequently as well. I even suggested that the two of them can occasionally seen associating outdoors on weekends and after school. Role expectations at school are stricter. They will need maintain social separation around school until I can give official word to the teachers and staff."
Madeline and Ann watched as Hillary handed Kyle the two bags Madeline had brought in, and then with two more bags in one hand she grabbed his arm with the other hand and led him toward his room.
"Have a good time, girls," Ms. Lee said as they disappeared.
"Madeline, what will happen if people find out that Kyle has tried to become a girl, and for some reason he is not able to, or allowed to, complete the transition?"
"Don't worry. I have carefully examined Kyle's case file; everything will work out. Trust me and be supportive. OK? I'll be back soon."
Hillary sat down the edge of Kyle's bed and started unloading the first bag. "I brought over a lot of my extra clothes for you. I have more than I need and it looks like you need some. In that small bag are some accessories, and the heavy bag has a whole bunch of girl magazines and books for your reading enjoyment."
Kyle watched at first, then realized he should help sort and refold the clothes. The colors, patterns, and textures were like nothing he owned. This all seemed amazing.
"We need to make some space in your drawers and closet so you can keep your girl clothes neat and pretty. Get me some clothes hangers."
"I only have a few hangers, most of my clothes are on the shelves and even those are really full right now too."
"Then we will make space. Go to the kitchen a get a couple of big garbage bin liners."
Kyle hesitated but did what Hillary asked. When he got back she was rummaging through his everyday clothes and throwing item after item onto a pile on the floor.
"Load these disgusting things into the garbage bags. You won't be needing them anymore."
"Wait, those are all I have. What am I going to wear?"
"Wise up, girl. From now on you need to wear girl clothes from the moment you get home until you get ready for school in the morning, and all day on weekends. At school you need to make a good impression on the teachers and staff by dressing in nice, well tailored clothes. I am sure you have noticed that girls always dress up for school. It makes a statement that they are the future members of the elite professions. No worn out, grungy boy outfits for you anymore.
"I am saving a few of your better boy clothes. You need to go to school in outfits that are the male equivalent of businesslike and professional. I will leave you enough changes of boy clothes to wear when needed from now until the personality assessments. The rest goes out."
Kyle thought about the situation. Throwing out his everyday boy clothes was a very symbolic act, and he knew he had to do it, and do it with enthusiasm. He barely started loading the first garbage bag when Hillary pulled an opened package of panties from his drawer.
"What are these pretty things?"
"My mother just bought them for me today, and ...", Kyle paused. "... and, I'm wearing a pair now."
"That's great. I did not have any panties to bring over because girls do not share used underwear. You are going to enjoy what comes next."
Soon all of Hillary's gifts were sorted and either folded in the drawers on hanging in the closet. Kyle picked up the trash bags and carried them out to the dumpster. His mother must have suspected what was going on, but did not say anything as he headed out the door. When he got back to his room Hillary gave him a conspiratorial smile.
"OK, now take off everything you are wearing, except for your panties."
Kyle instinctively turned around and started to undress.
"Cute bottom you have. Especially cute for someone who is still technically a boy. Are you looking forward to when you can start developing a girl's figure?"
Kyle was totally embarrassed, but knew he had to act like this was perfectly natural. He knew there was nothing unusual about girls getting dressed in front of each other. With effort he focused his mind on his becoming a girl and made sure to avoid any disturbing boy thoughts.
"First put this on. It's called a bralette. It is nicer than an undershirt and girls our age like to wear them until we start growing breasts and need some real support."
Hillary was amused as Kyle almost put it on with the straps twisted, and then struggled to fasten the hooks behind his back.
"Good for a first try. You have really flexible shoulders for a boy. Aren't you glad you have not bulked up like Jimmy?"
The chatter continued. "Usually girls have their growth spurt before boys do, and my old clothes should fit you nicely. It is going to be a lot of fun seeing you wear my outfits. Maybe we can go shopping sometime and let you pick out your own girl clothes."
Hillary selected a dignified and proper school outfit. Pastel blouse, dark blue skirt, ankle socks, and buckle shoes. Finally, she led him over to the mirror.
Kyle stared at the mirror then turned and looked from every angle. He flashed himself a coy smile then turned and posed for Hillary.
"You are obviously enjoying meeting your girl self for the first time. But I see I need to work with you on posture, gestures, and mannerisms. Let's go show your mother."
Kyle knew that this was another important symbolic act. He held his head high, pulled his shoulders back, and with his least masculine walk he proudly pranced into the living room.
His mother looked, gasped, and was about to speak when the doorbell rang.
"We'll get it." Hillary declared, pulling Kyle behind her.
Madeline Lee beamed with delight as she saw the two girls greeting her from beyond the opened door. The three returned to the living room where Ann was waiting.
Madeline turned toward Ann Clark, but was clearly addressing Kyle. "You have a lovely daughter, but Hillary and I do not know her name."
Kyle was ready to answer. "My name is Kaylie Clark."
Hillary immediately shouted, "Let's all join hands together in a circle like we do a scout camp and welcome the new girl, Kaylie."
The circle started with outstretched arms but closed in to a tight group hug as everyone chanted the new name. When Kaylie looked up she saw that her mother was crying.
The next evening Madeline dropped Hillary off at the Clarks' home right after school and said she would return before dinner. Kyle had walked home and just arrived when his support team arrived. He headed toward his room to change, but Hillary followed.
"I want to watch." She looked around the room as Kaylie picked out some clothes. "You have made a good start, but I see I need to teach you a lot about mix and match. It is too bad that your mother has not been dressing you like a girl since third grade."
Kaylie plopped down on the edge of the bed. "I am totally wiped out. Everything is happening so fast."
Hillary sat close. "Don't worry, my mother and I want to help you. Think positively about your wonderful future as a girl.
"Tell me, did you read any of the things I gave you last night? What did you look at first?"
"I first looked at you 'Girl's Life' magazine and read a motivational article that talked about how technology has changed the balance of power in society from male muscle strength to female mental skills related to information technology, computers, and molecular biology. I always wondered about how the Great Social Transformation happened and the article explained that 'cyberattacks,' whatever they are, played a key role in allowing the feminists to defeat the patriarchy. The article emphasized that girls need to develop their science and math skills so that they can contribute to protecting the Feminist Republic."
"You started with real serious stuff. Is that all you read?"
"I also looked at your 'Modern Girl Romance' magazines. I needed something relaxing so I looked at the fashion and makeup style pictures and then read a couple of the fiction stories."
"Tell me more about the romances you read."
"I really liked a story that was about the two girls who both had a crush on the figure skating star at their school. Eventually they realized the Miss Skater was actually a very self-centered, nasty girl. The two girls supported each other through all their ups and downs, and eventually discovered that they both liked each other much more than either one liked the figure skater.
"I looked at a few other similar stories and read some of the articles about real people. It seems the romance magazine is all about attractive girls falling in love with each other."
"And you enjoyed reading this sort of stories?"
"I never read anything like this before. It is not like the stupid magazines boys are allowed to read. I was confused at first and ..." Kaylie fumbled with the hem of her skirt, and then met Hillary's gaze. "Yes, I liked that kind of story."
Hillary threw her arms around Kaylie. "Wonderful, enjoying teen romance shows that you are developing a girl's mind. I will bring over more magazines like that for you to read.
"Now tell me about your floral print bedspread."
"Mom and I went shopping for this bedspread years ago. I was the one who picked it out, I am not sure why. Mom didn't really object. I guess something like this makes more sense now that I am a girl in training."
Just then Ann's voice was heard from the kitchen. "Kyle, I mean, Kaylie, can you come help me prepare dinner? I see Madeline is arriving already."
Madeline made sure that the dinner conversation centered on girl topics for Kaylie's benefit, while Ann kept trying to change the subject. Afterwards Hillary and Kaylie chatted for a while about romance magazines. It was a school night and Hillary had to leave early with a promise to be back soon.
On another evening and Hillary was looking at Kaylie's dance posters. "I think it is neat that a boy would have posters like this. Much better than the action game and race car posters that my friends tell me their brothers have on their walls. Did you ask for them, or did you mother buy them for you? You are clearly not like most boys." She turned to Kaylie. "Do you think these girls look pretty? Would you like to be one of them?"
"I think dancing is so beautiful. At school I am always jealous when you girls get to do dance class while the boys are expected to go kick a ball or something outside."
"I love dance, all girls do. Once you are officially a girl you will be able to take dance class with me and Stacy in the studio. Won't that be fun? Meanwhile, I can give you private dance lessons."
"Tonight I brought over some dancewear and plan to give you your first lesson. Lets get you dressed for dancing, pull on these pink tights then put this black leotard on top. Wait, I forgot, we do not want your boy parts to create an ugly bulge. Start with this special item that will make you nice and smooth in front."
Kaylie stared at what looked like a cross between a flesh-colored jock strap and a thick pair of underpants. "Where did you get that thing?"
"My mother bought it just for you. She said you will need it for your dance lessons. She said you can also wear it with skinny jeans and other tight girl clothes too." Hillary saw a confused expression. "You put it on, then reach inside and arrange your parts to be between your legs, and finally pull it on up high and tight to keep everything in place."
By now Kaylie was accustomed to changing clothes in front of Hillary, but making adjustments 'down there' felt a bit embarrassing.
"I do ballet, jazz, and creative dance classes. I will start by teaching you some really basic dance movement. Follow what I do. It will help you learn to move like a girl."
Hillary lead Kaylie through a warm-up of bending, reaching, swinging limbs, moving hips, and expanding and contracting the body core. Her banter was a mix of encouragement and technical correction as Kaylie struggled to imitate her.
"Now we will try a few set ballet dance movements. Start with your arms low in front then bring them up just below your breasts in two counts, then raise your arms high over your head in two counts then bring them out to the side for two, then back down in front to finish on eight. Let's do it to the music.
"You are catching on fast, but need to keep working. You are moving your arms like a boy. Relax your fingers and imagine you are softly touching something precious. Slightly bend your wrists. Take the tension out of your arms and shoulders. Much better, do it a few more times. Then I will show you another exercise."
After an hour Kaylie was exhausted a ready for a rest. "This makes my body move in a totally new way. I am going to be sore tomorrow."
"We will do this again every evening. My mother tells me that dance will really help you master feminine movement. She also wants me to work with you on hip stretches. She says that will help you start walking like a girl.
"Before I head home here is some more reading for you. I went to the library today and checked out a whole list of books that my mother said were important for you to read carefully. Some are real serious social and political topics, and some are light fun, just like the romances in the magazines. She said they will all help speed you along in your socialization as a girl."
Kaylie looked at the stack of books with titles like 'Feminist Theory Reader,' 'Women Rule.' and 'Achievements of the Great Social Transformation.' There were historic authors like Simone de Beauvior, Audrey Lorde, and Andrea Dworkin, and books by contemporary writers. Some books were very political while others promoted things like feminist environmental sustainability. Hillary patiently watched and answered questions.
"This is a lot to read. "
"My mother knows that, but is confident in your ability to learn. Every hour you spend doing feminist reading will help you in the assessment."
A pattern was set. Kyle went to school, took his allowed classes and sat alone in the lunchroom, library, or playground. Jimmy was totally avoiding him now. Immediately after school hours Kaylie reemerged. Most evenings Madeline brought Hillary over for a few wonderful hours, but tomorrow he was going over to Hillary's house for the first time.
Kaylie was nervous getting into the car with Mother for the drive to the Lee's house. This was her first excursion wearing girl's clothes outside the house. For a while both Ann and Kaylie looked straight ahead and said nothing.
"If you are going to go through with this idea of becoming a girl you will have to learn to appear in public, dear."
"I know, but right now nothing is official. Ms. Lee keeps reminding me that I have to be a boy at school until I pass the next assessment and the psychologists issue me my gender transition certificate. I do not want to get into any trouble that would complicate my evaluations."
"I am uneasy too. Madeline assures me that we are doing nothing illegal, dressing as a girl is just socially awkward because of your age. It would have been so much better if ...." Ann Clark drifted of in her thoughts.
When they arrived Kaylie looked around, figured the coast was clear, and almost ran from the car to the house door. Hillary anticipated this and had the door open. Kaylie ducked inside followed by Mother. Once the door was closed the girls greeted with air kisses.
"I bet you want to see my room. Let's go. And I want to warn you that my mother has big news for you after dinner."
"Have fun, girls. Remember, dinner is in an hour," Madeline shouted as Ann joined her in the kitchen.
Hillary's room was delightfully feminine and contemporary. The pastel colors and frilly accessories were balanced by posters of famous women and banners with feminist slogans. The overflowing bookcase gave evidence of why Hillary did so well in school, and the large closet filled with clothes showed why she had so many things to donate to Kaylie.
"Sit down in the chair by the dresser and face the door. I want to get you ready for dinner."
"What are you going to do?
"I am going to apply just a little makeup to show our mothers how attractive you can look. For sure they will say you are too young for so much makeup, but every girl our age hears that."
Hillary started by brushing Kaylie's hair which had not been cut recently. "I know you do not want a boy haircut again, but somehow we need to figure out how to get you a trim and styling. Hair grows best if the ends are trimmed occasionally. I'll talk to Mom."
Hillary picked up a hair elastic and slipped it around a very short ponytail. "A ponytail looks good on you, Kaylie. Congratulations on another step. Now let me work on your face.
"Hold still. I am going to use a little eyeliner top and bottom. Try not to blink.
"This thick stuff is called mascara. It makes your eyelashes look fuller.
"Now a little eyebrow pencil. It is not the best color for you, but this neutral brown is the best I have.
"I am going to put a little color on you cheeks with this brush.
"And finally, a touch of lipstick. I usually get to wear only pale pink, but I do have this more grown-up red. I will look dramatic on you.
"OK, you can turn around and look at the mirror. I know you want to see the results."
Kaylie was amazed. Hillary had made her look like a much older and somewhat attractive girl. She had no idea that Hillary was such a makeup expert.
"Girls our age all practice putting makeup on at home. It fun to experiment with different looks. With the right colors and more time I can really make you look really good. You need to get your mother to buy some cosmetics of your own. Until then we can share mine. "
Madeline announced dinner, and the girls proudly waltzed into the kitchen.
"Kaylie, what have you done with your face?," Ann exclaimed.
Madeline came to the defense. "Your daughter is just doing what is normal for a girl her age. I think she looks marvelous. You did a great job, Hillary. Now let's eat."
"Makeup may be normal for a girl, but Kyle...." Ann caught herself. "I was trying to say that the look is way too mature for his ..." She paused again. "Sorry, Kaylie. Next time try a more age appropriate look, OK."
Hillary and Kaylie smiled at each other knowingly.
Kaylie recognized that this dinner invitation was intended to be another feminizing experience. She watched her manners, ate slowly with small bites, and imitated how Hillary used her arms and hands. Madeline was an expert hostess and kept a lively conversation going around the table. She frequently challenged Kaylie by asking unexpected questions about girl topics that were outside a normal boy's experience, but Kaylie was quick to improvise an answer.
After dinner the girls helped with the cleanup, and then Madeline indicated it was time for a talk in the living room.
"I have an announcement. As the school counselor in charge of Kaylie's case I am responsible for scheduling her for the decisive personality and socialization assessment." She paused to assess everyone's reaction to what would obviously come next. "Because she has already demonstrated truly exceptional intellectual merit in science and math this psychological assessment will be the remaining hurdle for Kaylie. It is crucial that she convinces the panel members that she is mentally and socially ready to become officially a girl. Once the assessment team makes a positive recommendation to the Chief Psychologist the official transition process can begin immediately."
"What if she doesn't pass?" Ann asked anxiously.
"She is going to pass. That is my objective as her champion," Madeline replied assertively. "The key is to give Kaylie enough time to prepare. She has to compensate for the last few years, and basically catch up in her female socialization compared to boys who entered the gender reassignment program while still in elementary school. Fortunately Kaylie was showing feminine traits in elementary school so she has a good foundation to build on. And I see by her face that Hillary has been giving Kaylie different opportunities to share pre-teen girl experiences.
"Kaylie, have you been reading the books Hillary got for you?"
"Yes, I read every minute I am not in school or with Hillary."
"Good. I am going to pull some strings to get you excused from your afternoon classes. Going to school as a boy is not doing a lot for you right now. Your time will be better spent reading feminist books.
"Back to the assessment schedule. I decided to schedule you for the session in May, right after the end of your eighth grade school year. That gives you several extra months to prepare."
Ann gripped the arms of her chair as Hillary and Kaylie hugged each other.
"But giving Kaylie more time to prepare has a big risk. Unfortunately, Dr. Taylor declined to help. I will be clinical about this. There are still testicles down there getting ready to pump out male hormones. Kaylie has not started puberty, but is at an age where things could happen at any time. I am sure she does not want facial hair, a deepening voice, or broad shoulders."
A shiver went down Kaylie's spine as she thought back to the rejection in the doctor's office. Hillary held her friend's shaking hand tightly. "Keep listening, she has a plan," Hillary whispered.
Chapter 4 - Feminization Hormones and Training
Synopsis: Madeline devises a scheme to help Kaylie delay puberty. Kaylie learns disturbing facts about both historic and contemporary misogyny. Stacy and her mother join the team helping Kaylie prepare for the psychological assessment.
The after dinner conversation continued with Ms. Lee alternating between friendly champion and professional counselor roles.
"Kaylie, I tried to convince Dr. Taylor that you needed medical help right away to prevent unwanted puberty. Unfortunately, the referral to Dr. Taylor did not work out as I hoped. She could have helped, but she decided to go by the book and insist that you have the personality assessment and get documentation from the psychologists first. Doctors acting as gatekeeper was common at gender clinics in ancient times, but not in the Feminist Republic. Unfortunately, the official protocols do not give a lot of specific guidance on how to handle someone Kaylie's age. I am sure she was trying to balance conflicting objectives.
"Up to now I have strictly followed the guidelines, for counselors dealing with boys who are identified for gender reassignment. Dr. Taylor's decision has put me in a difficult position. To minimize the risk of Kaylie entering male puberty I could have scheduled her psychological assessment at the earliest possible date, but this would have increased the risk of her being under-prepared to present convincingly as a girl."
"So, what can we do?" Ann remarked without a lot of emotion.
"I have often told Hillary that sometimes it is necessary to get into 'good trouble' like she did when she loaned forbidden exam study books to the boy named Kyle. Good trouble involves doing something considered wrong or illegal if there is sufficient justification. I feel justified in going outside approved counseling protocols. Hillary and I have conspired to get into good trouble together for Kaylie's sake."
Madeline Lee continued, "As a counselor I have full access to all the current information about how to manage male to female transitions. I know what Kaylie needs. Unfortunately my credentials do not allow me to write prescriptions. I could have tried 'doctor shopping' and kept scheduling other appointments for Kaylie until we found someone who would prescribe what Dr. Taylor would not. But this would raise concerns among my peer counselors, and would waste more time. Every week that goes by puts Kaylie at more risk of unwanted male puberty. So I decided to help Kaylie myself."
Kaylie was on the edge of her chair. "What did you do?"
Ann Clark glanced at her child looking annoyed by the interruption.
"As I said, I know that Kaylie needs to have her male hormones suppressed immediately. Once she has successfully completed the political and psychological assessments she will be put on the normal transgirl hormone regime which will start physical feminization. The clinic will arrange to her testicles removed as soon as she feels ready for that irreversible step. Castration will definitively end the unwanted male puberty problem."
Hillary flashed a knowing smile at Kaylie.
Ann was tense. She knew these permanent changes would need to be confronted eventually, but Madeline seemed to be rushing things. Could she accept that her emerging daughter was really committed and ready?
"But, since Dr. Taylor declined to prescribe anything I needed to figure out an alternative way to help Kaylie. I asked Hillary to go to the youth clinic and tell the doctor that she recently had a bad breakout of acne, and wanted the pills girls take to prevent a recurrence. She went, got a prescription, and even stopped at the pharmacy to get the first three-month supply."
Hillary decided to speak up. "I was a bit nervous lying to the doctor, but was willing to do it for you, Kaylie. The doctor looked at my face questioningly, and I was afraid she would say no when she did not see any pimples. With a wink and a smile she asked if I really wanted them just to make my breasts grow sooner. She said something like 'Lots of girls your age ask for the acne-prevention treatment, no problem' and handed me the prescription. She told me I need to come in for a routine blood test in a couple weeks."
Hillary handed something to Kaylie. "Here are the pills, start taking one a day and you will have something in your body to offset your boy hormones."
Ann reached out her hand as if to block the transfer, but Kaylie grasped the package. "Thank you," Kaylie said politely. "But I don't understand what these pills are, or how they are supposed to work for me."
Madeline continued, "Let me explain. Long ago, before the Great Social Transformation, parents were terrified that irresponsible boys would get their daughters pregnant. Mothers would ask the family doctor to put their little girls on what were called birth control pills almost as soon as they started puberty. A positive side effect of those birth control pills was that girls skipped the period of hormone imbalances that had caused complexion problems for generations. Girls on the pill quickly developed adult hormone levels and adolescent acne during puberty became almost unknown in girls. But of course acne remains a problem for boys.
"These days we have better social techniques to control the impulses of boys and also highly reliable implantable methods of birth control for girls. The pharmacy companies did not want to totally lose their sales to teens so they rebranded the birth control pills and marketed them to prevent acne.
"The pills that Hillary got for Kaylie contain the main female hormone, estrogen, along with progestin and a few other supporting drugs. One effect of the pills is to suppress what are called androgens, that is male hormones, which normal girls have at low levels. Androgen-estrogen imbalance is a cause of acne. Right now Kaylie is biochemically still a pre-teen male. The effect of the pills will be to lower her testosterone and provide a low, but beneficial level of estrogen.
"The estrogen dose in the acne pills is fairly low so it will not cause noticeable physical changes, like breast development, in the few months remaining before the assessments. But the drug combination will greatly reduce the risk of Kaylie developing unwanted male secondary sexual characteristics."
Ann looked concerned. "Kaylie, are you really sure you want this? This seems really risky to alter your natural body chemistry, especially without the involvement of Dr. Taylor."
Madeline cut in, "I am breaking the rules, but Dr. Taylor made a much more restrictive decision that she had to. Right now my goal is to help Kaylie become a girl.
"If Kaylie had been properly assessed back in third grade she would have been started on a half dose of the exact same drugs back in elementary school, and would have progressed to a full daily dose by now anyway. Feminizing drugs are an important part of the treatment process for the special boys who are selected to become girls. I did not mention that another effect of giving estrogen to young boys is that the hormones feminize their developing brains. Unfortunately Kaylie missed out years ago and has to catch up now. Even a few months of estrogen will help her get into the proper mental state for the psychological assessment.
Kaylie looked at each person in the room. After a tense moment she opened the package, popped a pill out of the blister pack, and swallowed it. "Yes Mother, this is what I want. Ms. Lee and Hillary, thank you so very much."
Ann sighed. "This is all happening so fast. First growing longer hair, then makeup, now hormones. I need time to think. Kaylie, let's get ready to go home."
"Remember you're invited for a sleepover this weekend," Hillary exclaimed.
"Sleepovers too? Are you OK with this Madeline?"
"Kaylie is at an important time in her life and I promised to be the champion. She needs your support too. Our goal, Ann, needs to be to help her fully socialize as a girl. Her success during the personality assessment depends on her thinking of herself as a girl and instinctively answering questions appropriately. Reading helps, but she needs to experience things like sleepovers that are part of being a middle school girl."
"Let's go. Now," Ann said sharply.
As they headed home Kaylie forced the topic. "Mom, I want to become a girl. I am sure of it. I may have started by asking how I could continue in school past eighth grade, but it is much more than staying in school now. Every day I feel more and more like I should always have been a girl. I now realize that you once did 'girl things' with me while I was little. Why does my trying to officially become a girl now upset you so much?"
"My mind is so mixed up. I have to come to grips with .... Look, I will be talking to a family counselor again this week. There are things I have to accept and ..." There was a long pause. "I love ... I love my dear little daughter Kaylie."
Kaylie noticed the tone of voice and that Mother's eyes were misting up again. When they got home Kaylie rushed to her room. Tomorrow was a school day. She carefully scrubbed the makeup off her face and laid out the boy clothes she would reluctantly have to put on in the morning. She put on her favorite feminine nightgown, climbed into bed, and started to read.
She spent a few minutes reading a few chapters from a teen romance novel about two girls who were both afraid to initiate a first serious kiss. It was fun, relaxing, but very frivolous. Maybe I should read something more serious before I get too sleepy, she thought.
She picked up the thick 'History of the Great Social Transformation' and went back to some of the sections she had skipped over earlier. She had been curious about the decades-long Times of Trouble that preceded the transformation. Soon Kaylie was tense and sweating as she read about the patriarchal misogynists from the Church of God the Father who used scripture to justify dominating women, and their allied terrorists the white-robed Knights of Konservative Kulture who roamed the country torturing or killing any men and boys who deviated from masculine norms. These thugs hunted for effeminate and cross-dressing boys at school and in their homes and sent them to harsh boot camps that were intended to make them into what they called real men. The KKK also raided the offices of medical professionals who offered intersex and transgender treatment searching for identifying information on their patients and driving the doctors and staff into exile. Kaylie was relieved to read that there had been brave women who created a secret network of safe houses and clandestine transport that allowed what were then called LGBTQIA+ persons to escape across the de facto border into feminist-controlled territory.
Reading disturbing history just before bed was a mistake. Kaylie took a long time to fall asleep and then kept waking up with nightmares. She knew she should talk to Madeline about this terrible period of history as soon as possible.
The weekend arrived, and Kaylie was delighted to be looking forward to over 60 continuous hours without having to get disguised in 'boy costume' for school. She did not need to bring much for the sleepover because Hillary's surplus continued to be Kaylie's source of girl things. Reading teen romance fiction gave an idea of what to expect, and Kaylie was eager for the real experience.
Ann was again tense as she took Kaylie to the Lee's house. "Behave yourself tonight, remember that you are still legally and biologically a boy."
"I don't want to be reminded of that. Please. I want you to think of me as a girl. That is who I am and who I want to be."
"I know. I have promised to support you. This just doesn't seem right."
Kaylie was still trying to figure out what Mother's 'this' referred to when they arrived. She got out of the car without looking around, and Mother immediately drove off. Kaylie was heading toward the house when she thought she noticed someone suddenly ducking behind a car across the street.
Madeline offered the girls some snacks before they headed to Hillary's room. They chatted about clothes, music, and their recent reading while waiting for dinner.
At dinner Kaylie asked about the disturbing history chapter that gave her nightmares.
"I know it is disturbing. The book Hillary got for you is actually high school or college reading, but I included it on the list because you need to know as much as possible when you go into the assessment. Now that you know how terrible some men were back then you can appreciate why the Feminist Republic now keeps men from having any influence or power. Understanding these lessons of history will enable you to give the right answers when the team is assessing your political reliability. Do you agree that women were treated unfairly in nearly every society before the founding of the Feminist Republic? Are you angry about what happened to LGBTIA+ people during the Times of Trouble? Are you grateful for those heroines who secretly helped them?
"Of course. What the Church of God the Father and their allies did was wrong, hateful, awful, ..."
"Yes, and do you agree that the work camps and other restrictions placed on men in our present society are justifiable?
"Do you understand that the conditions men live under now are actually much less severe that the ways women were treated in the patriarchal societies that existed world-wide for centuries, and still exist in enemy territory today?"
The questioning went back and forth for a long while. Hillary could hardly keep up, and decided to keep eating before her food got cold. Finally Madeline brought it to a stop.
"Kaylie, your answers tonight are those of a committed feminist. You are knowledgeable, sincere, and convincing. You are doing an amazing job getting ready for the assessment."
Hillary looked up from her plate. "I couldn't have answered a lot of those questions. You know that through middle school tgirls take history class with boys in the room. A lot of topics are off limits in mixed classes."
Madeline added, "Yes, but next year I expect both you and Hillary will be studying this history and more in your all-girls high school classes.
"Now let's clean up and you girls can go enjoy the evening."
Once in her room Hillary handed Kaylie a set of dancewear. We will do another dance lesson tonight. Put these pretty things on and start stretching while I go to the bathroom to strip down and change. Kaylie began by carefully tucking his disgusting parts in place and then pulled on the tights and leotard. Hillary came back wearing a very sheer, tight fitting leotard with a deep v-neck. Kaylie could not help but notice that Hillary was clearly showing small, firm breasts with distinct nipples. Kaylie was not sure exactly what to think about what she saw, but was relieved to be aware that the boy parts were not stirring from their place.
Hillary started leading a warm-up and short exercises that quickly involved more flexibility than their previous dance session. "Keep trying. Getting your hips stretched out will help you pose, move, and walk like a girl. Remember to hold your arms, wrists, and hands properly too. Tilt your head and smile."
After a while Hillary dropped to the floor with one leg in front and the other behind. "This position is called the front splits. Try it. This position is really hard. Girls have to practice for a long time before they can get all the way down."
Kaylie was in agony and Hillary kept giving encouragement. "Go as far as you can, then breathe into the stretch, relax and go a bit further. Girl have an advantage because our pelvis grows wider to make room for babies to get through. It is possible for males to do the splits, but very few have enough will power and determination to get there. Keep stretching. You are lucky that your pelvis bones have not fully matured yet. Maybe those pills I got for you will help."
"Once you are officially a girl you can take dance regular classes at the studio Stacy and I go to. Stacy takes creative dance, ballet with me, but has substituted cheer dance for the jazz class. There are other fun classes too. What styles do you think you would like the most?"
Suddenly Hillary dashed toward the window and looked out. "I thought I heard something, but no one is there."
Suddenly Kaylie felt uneasy.
"Now that you are warmed up and moving we can do some creative dance. creative is really neat because the emphasis is on expressing your feelings. I will teach you the beginning of a dance I learned last year. Its all about a woodland fairy queen and her followers who take revenge on men. My teacher told me she adapted it from an ancient ballet called 'Giselle' but has restaged as an improvisational piece for modern girls. I will put on the music and you can follow along with what I am doing. Once you get the basic ideas I will ask you to make your own movement choices."
Kaylie listened to a few bars of the beautiful music then started imitating Hillary in the free-flowing feminine movement. Soon Kaylie had the basic idea and Hillary stopped to watch.
"Beautiful, you are moving just like a girl now. Arch your back and open your chest as you swing your arm up. Imagine you are the prettiest fairy in the forest. Yes, that was nice the way you held that pose. Remember to bend your elbows and soften your wrists when you lower your arms. Soften your fingers."
As Kaylie became more confident with the movement Hillary began to emphasize showing more specific emotions. "Move like you are approaching something you really want. Move like you are afraid. Move like you are making a male demon flee to safety. Show your strongest female feelings."
After dancing themselves to exhaustion the girls went to the living room and cuddled on the couch while Madeline played some carefully selected videos for them. Eventually they were ready for bed. While they had been drinking hot chocolate and watching videos Madeline had put a comfy air mattress on the floor beside Hillary's bed and had stacked blankets and a pillow on top. "Good night girls," she said with a smile.
Of course Hillary and Kaylie talked and listened to music far past when they should have been asleep.
Saturday morning began with taking showers, selecting clothes, putting on makeup all before breakfast. More girl talk and watching videos followed. Madeline saw everything was going as she had hoped so she called Ann and asked if Kaylie could stay another night. Madeline and Hillary used the extra time for even more feminization training for Kaylie. Finally Sunday afternoon came and Kaylie reluctantly waited for her ride home and her regression back to boy mode for the coming school week.
The boy, Kyle, still attended the morning academic classes, but Madeline had managed to get him excused from afternoons. This gave time for independent reading at home in preparation for the approaching assessment. Heading out from school at noon Kyle was intercepted by Jimmy.
"Hey dude, what's this stupid stuff you have been up to?"
"I have to get going."
"What are you rushing off to, lady boy."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Look, first I noticed that Ms. Lee was driving over to your house all the time with Hillary in tow. Then I noticed you mother driving over to Hillary's place too."
"That's none of your business, Jimmy."
"So do you want to know what I saw over the weekend?"
This confrontation was not going well. "Look, I have to get home now."
"Oh sure. I watched your mother drive up at Hillary's and someone dressed like a girl got out and sashayed into the house. That got me curious, real curious. So you know what I did? I came back later and looked in the window. Yeah, I was peeping. I saw two f*cking c*nts in skin tight clothes wiggling their asses. That is what I saw. And I saw that one of them looked just like you. You useless dammed queer! That's what you are."
Jimmy lunged forward and pushed Kyle against the fence. "Are you trying to be one of those traitors who become girls?" He slapped Kyle's face. "If you want to be a girl I will treat you like real men used to treat girls." He raised his hand again.
"James Smith, stop right now!"
The school security guard grabbed Jimmy. Although she was smaller and shorter than Jimmy she used an expert martial arts move to spin him around and pin his arm with a painful twist. Madeline Lee stepped up and placed herself in front of Jimmy.
"James Smith, what you just did was totally unacceptable. All though school you have received instruction on controlling aggressive impulses and on respecting others. Your actions will be reported, and I expect that after a hearing you will be expelled from school permanently and will be sent to the work camp for hard labor. You had the potential to become a construction foreman, but you threw the opportunity away."
The guard lead Jimmy away, and Ms. Lee turned to Kyle who was trembling. "Let's go to my office and talk, Kaylie," she whispered softly.
This was the first time she had been addressed by that name during at school.
"Take a minute and get cleaned up. You will feel better. Then we can talk."
Like it or not, he was dressed as a boy so Kyle had to use the boy's restroom to clean up and quickly check for bruising on the face. Is this place safe anymore? Did Jimmy tell any of the boys in the younger grades about his peeping?
Ms. Lee was waiting in the hall and then lead the way to the counseling center offices. "Kaylie, I am sorry about what happened. I had suspected James had been hanging around my house this weekend, but never caught him. I had alerted the security guard to watch for any problems without saying anything about your transition training. We saw Jimmy seek you out, and heard what he said. He was shouting, and some girls may have overheard too.
"But, there is a positive side to all this. You have been reading about the terrible way women were treated by men before the Great Social Transformation. Reading is one thing, experiencing it in person is another. You have now seen a little of what women have lived with for centuries. Being held in contempt by males, being subjected to derogatory language, being regarded as good only for sex and housework, being physically abused by someone bigger and stronger; all this has been women's fate since the patriarchy seized control at the dawn of so-called civilization. Internalize what you experienced today. It will put you in the correct emotional state for your social, political, and personality assessments.
"There are only a few more weeks of school. I am your champion and will make sure you are safe. Jimmy will no longer be around school, and will move from town within a few days. I doubt the few boys who are in grades five through seven know or care about your situation. You are not likely to be harassed again at school."
"What about the girls in my class. Some may suspect something now."
"Your best defense will be to confront them with the truth. Tell them that Ms. Lee the counselor has arranged for you to be evaluated for reassignment as a girl, and that you are preparing for the psychological assessment. If they have problems with that tell them to come and see me."
The walk home seemed longer than usual and every blind spot along the way seemed to be the hiding place of a predator. Once home Kaylie re-emerged and sank into a chair. Light fiction was all she could manage to read before dinner, even though she knew there was serious studying to do. When Mother came home Kaylie managed to tell her what happened with Jimmy, and about the follow up counseling with Ms. Lee.
Ann hugged Kaylie. "That is why I have been so terrified for you. I knew people who did things like that. They are still around. Your idea of becoming a girl is dangerous."
A few days later Madeline arrived alone at Kaylie's house in mid-afternoon, when she was out of school and at home doing her usual, intense, feminist independent study. "Kaylie, today is the day for the scheduled blood test that the acne pills doctor wanted. I scheduled my afternoon off so I can take you to the testing lab. Just remember, at the clinic you are a girl named Hillary."
As they drove to the nearby clinic Madeline and Kaylie rehearsed all the identifying information she needed to pass as Hillary. "We will walk into the lab together and I will be right behind you at the registration desk. I will say I forgot your clinic card, and ask if they can use your name and birth date to log you in. It will be most believable if you answer the questions when they ask. They also might ask for home address and other contact information. You have all that memorized, right?"
Soon they were heading back from the clinic. Kaylie had a bright pink stretch-wrap bandage around her elbow joint. "See, it went perfectly. Your blood will get analyzed, and the results will be reported with Hillary's name. I do not expect any problems, lots of girls get those acne pills, but it is always safe to have lab work done when taking hormones."
The routine continued of being Kyle at school and Kaylie at home and on weekends. Switching gender for school was starting to get awkward. More than once a teacher reprimanded Kyle about his long hair, but then dismissed the issue as just sloppy male grooming. Kyle sometimes heard girls giggling about his walk and he had to continually remind himself to keep his hips from swinging at school. Visits with Hillary and Madeline continued to provide socialization experience, and hours of reading filled Kaylie's mind with feminist fact and theory.
A few days later Kaylie and Hillary were sitting in Madeline's kitchen chatting and giggling. Madeline came in with an opened envelope and an official looking letter.
"The blood test results are back. The person who went with me to the clinic is normal on all the usual metabolic measurements. Estrogen is at the low end of the normal range for pre-teen females. However, the report notes that this person has unusually high testosterone for a female and recommends retesting in a month. The report is exactly as I expected."
Both girls answered at once. "What do we do now?"
"Well, as for the retest, in a month Hillary can go in for the blood draw. Her results will be normal for a girl, and the doctors will assume she must have had a short-term hormone imbalance. Imbalances like that are very common at the start of puberty.
"As for Kaylie, since your results are normal you can safely continue taking the pills. The test confirmed that you have a low, but elevated, estrogen level. This will help your body avoid male puberty, but will not cause any premature changes in your hips or breasts. You should stop taking the pills two weeks before your official assessment. They will be giving you a full medical checkup at the Regional Center. Two weeks will allow the drugs in the pills to wash out of your body, and there will be no chemical indication of your secretly taking female hormones."
"What will happen to my body when I stop the pills? I'm worried."
"I am confident that you will be favorably assessed for gender reassignment. Once the committee report is final things will move fast. I plan to use my influence to make sure of that. You will immediately be prescribed a much higher feminizing dose of hormones and other medical interventions will soon follow. There is only a tiny risk that any masculine changes will take place between the time you go off the pills and when you begin your official transition."
The weekend came and it was time for another sleepover at Hillary's house. As usual Mother provided the transportation, but this time she scanned the street before Kaylie got out of the car. Kaylie, followed by Ann, quickly went to the front door, were greeted by Hillary, and the three headed for the living room where a lively conversation seemed to be in progress.
Suddenly Kaylie stopped and realized who was staring at her from across the room.
"Stacy, what are you doing here?"
"Stacy was feeling left out because of all the time I have been spending with you, Kaylie. I decided to invite her over to join us this weekend. We can have a nice three girl chat and watch some dance and romance videos together."
" You are awesome, Kaylie. When I saw you walk in with Hillary I was amazed. You look like you have been a girl all along."
"Is your mother OK with your being here, Stacy?"
"Yes, she is in the kitchen right now. Ms. Lee had a long talk with me and my mother yesterday. They talked all about your situation and she asked if I would join your support team. My mother was much totally enthusiastic at the news. But, Ms. Lee and mother had to explain a lot to me before I finally agreed to come here tonight.
"I really never thought much about special boys being made into girls until Ms. Lee sat me down for a long talk. As we talked I sort of remembered that back in second or third grade there was a cute boy who was taken out of the classroom one day. Nobody saw him for a week and then the same person reappeared in class wearing a pretty dress and using a new name, Larry had become Linda. Our teachers told us we needed to be respectful and we should use 'she and her' pronouns when talking about Linda.
"Seeing Linda for the first time was unexpected, but after a few days all the girls considered the whole situation was perfectly normal. Some of the boys snickered and teased Linda, but the teacher put them in there place by saying if they kept it up the same would happen to them. I moved the next year and never saw that new girl again.
"I can see making little boys into girls when in first grade or even third grade. There is really not that much difference between boys and girls then. But gender differences develop fast. It seems double weird to be talking about reassigning a boy in eighth grade. Is all this for real, Ky.., er ah Kaylie?"
Just then Valerie Miller walked in with Madeline.
"Kaylie, welcome to the world of women. Madeline has been telling you how well you have been feminizing. I think it is a tragedy that you were not made into a girl back in third grade. Well, we just need to make up for lost time.
"Stacy, like I told you Kaylie should have been made into a girl long ago. She has shown great potential, and Ms. Lee is preparing her for the final evaluation before the reassignment can become official. Kaylie really wants to live full time as a girl, and we need to help her every way we can to get there. What do you say?"
"I agreed to help as a favor to you and Hillary, and Kyle always was a nice person, for a boy that is. Making Kyle into a girl still seems weird, though."
"Stacy, HER name is Kaylie and she IS a girl. There are just some anatomical and legal technicalities that need to be fixed," Valerie said emphatically. "It is not polite to dead-name someone who is transitioning."
All this time Ann was standing against the wall clenching her fists. Dinner was ready and the girls were recruited to help bring everything to the table. The dinner conversation kept coming back to gender issues, feminism, and cultural politics. Kaylie suspected Madeline was again steering things that way for her education.
Valerie began expressing her enthusiastic support for the idea of feminizing males. Her statements were radical even by the standards of the Feminist Republic. The girls were a bit shocked to hear language used that was not normal dinner conversation.
"To me the only good male is a castrated male. Why should the half of the population who are born wrong be denied the joys of femininity? We don't need men in our society except for a few we keep as stud."
"Valerie, as a counselor I have assessed many boys. Most of them have zero potential for femininity no matter how smart they may be in Elementary School. The prenatal testosterone messed up their brains before they were born. They are aggressive and domineering from the start, and there are no training techniques in the world strong enough to change that."
"OK, I will grant that some males are hopeless and only good for unskilled labor. But a lot of them could be better tamed than we are doing now."
"What do you mean but 'tamed'," asked Ann.
"Stacy and I belong to an equestrian club. Every trainer knows that a gelding makes an excellent riding horse. Strong, but mild mannered."
"What's a gelding?," Kaylie asked.
"A gelding is a castrated stallion, dear. Removing the male parts is commonly done with lots of other farm animals too, roosters, bulls."
"Little boys are not farm animals," Ann growled.
Madeline redirected the conversation. "Look, only a few boys are intelligent enough to train for STEM careers, and a lot just are not going to be politically reliable either. Only the ones who have been socialized to consider themselves completely female can be trusted in positions with any technical control or social power. Total female control is essential if we are going to protect the stability of the Feminist Republic."
"I agree with the need for educating for responsible positions only the male-born individuals who completely consider themselves female. But, if I had my many more boys would be feminized than the select few who will be engineers or scientists or doctors. But the rest would be useful as feminized domestic servants, child care assistants, entertainers, and lots of other things. Even with all our technology a feminized human touch is useful for many jobs. Do you agree, Madeline?"
"Maybe we could transition more boys into being girls than we are doing now. The most recent trend is to start them younger, and that seems to work much better. But, I am more optimistic about the new reproductive technologies that simply reduce the number of males who are born. There are a lot of issues about safety with this, but a lot of potential if the research works out."
Stacy leaned over to Hillary. "This conversation is weird. What do you think?"
"This all affects Kaylie more that us. I think she looks nervous, maybe we should get her out of here."
Hillary indicated to Stacy to stand up. "Come on, Kaylie, lets go look at some of my videos."
That interruption gave Ann a break as well. "I have had enough of this. I'm going home and I'll be back tomorrow." She hesitated. "Have a good sleepover, Kaylie. Good night."
Chapter 5 - Final Preparations
Synopsis: Hillary and Stacy provide some intense conversations and emotionally charged experiences for their friend's feminine development. Kaylie becomes more confident, but is still confused by her mother's attitude.
The time for Kaylie's assessment was getting close, and her training was becoming more intense. Madeline continued to provide opportunities for girl experiences. This weekend included another sleepover night at Hillary Lee's house.
The three girls headed for Hillary's room. Hillary immediately suggested starting with a makeover party. Soon Kaylie was the focus of the beauty treatments administered by the other two girls. Eventually Kaylie was admiring her face in the mirror when Hillary made a unexpected request.
"Now Kaylie, it's your turn to make Stacy into a dramatic beauty. Everything you need is on my table. Taking the lead is how you learn, girl."
Kaylie looked over the array of products Hillary had set out. On one hand it looked awesome. There were so many different products, different colors, subtle differences in shade between similar colors, different applicators. But, how to choose, and even where to begin seemed overwhelming.
Stacy grinned. "This will be new for both of us. I have never had my makeup done by someone who used to be a boy. Do you think you are capable?"
Hillary shot back. "Kaylie is a girl and we need to remember that. It is not her fault that she was forced to act like a boy in school for all these years. And, it is really, really important that we help her build her feminine confidence."
"I'm sorry. Everything just seems weird right now."
"A good way to learn is to watch some video tutorials and then imitate the look. Lets go through a few and select some ideas that might look good on Stacy. You can then follow the sequence while I watch you and help when needed."
After nearly an hour Kaylie had managed to succeed in applying foundation, eye liner, mascara, eye shadow, blush, lipstick, and finishing powder. Stacy was admiring her self in the mirror and Hillary was bouncing with excitement.
"It's my turn now, and I have two experts to work on me."
After getting her makeover Hillary picked up a book that Madeline had given her earlier. "My mother said we should read from this one together. Stacy and I have already seen this stuff in the girls-only health class." Hillary smiled knowingly, "but it will be something new and different for you, Kaylie.
Stacy looked at the book cover. "This looks like one of those books on adolescent girl development that mothers can give their daughters to read when they are too embarrassed to talk about personal things face to face. I was never given one like this to read. My mother has always been comfortable talking about female bodies."
Hillary gave Kaylie a serious look. "Learning all about girls' bodies is important for you. My mother keeps telling me that you need go into the assessment with the mind you would have developed if you had spent the last four or more years reassigned as a girl. That would have meant using the girls bathroom and girls locker room at school, taking health and human development class with the other girls, and participating girl clubs and extracurricular activities.
"You might find some of this book to be really embarrassing at first. Especially when saying the words in front of us girls. But that is the practice you need. In the assessment you need to know about female bodies, be able to talk about why you want to develop as a girl, and never, never snicker or laugh about girl parts like a stupid boy would. Understand?"
Kaylie started turning the pages, looking at pictures, and being prompted to read key parts aloud. Hillary told her to start with the first part of the 'Where Babies Come From' chapter. This was written on a pre-teen level with vague, clinical line drawings and indirect language. It was not too hard to recite from the text because most of the information was not all that different from what boys were taught. The big difference was in the social advice. This chapter emphasized the joys of motherhood and the importance of picking a good sperm donor for the insemination. Kaylie reluctantly recalled that in boys' health classes she had been subjected to endless warnings that boys were severely punished if they tried to mess around 'the old fashioned way' with unwilling girls.
"OK, good start, Kaylie. Now let's go to the 'Your Changing Body' chapter. It will be fun."
Turning the pages Kaylie came to a section with front and side profile drawings showing the changes in the breasts, hips, and body hair that girls experience in puberty. In health class she had seen the equivalent male pictures, but had never seen such explicit pictures of girls. The information was fascinating, but Kaylie did not fully understand her emotions as she read the captions to Hillary and Stacy. The one thing she was sure of was that she could not allow pictures like this to arouse her unfixed boy parts during the assessment.
Hillary could not resist. "Before long you will start looking like that yourself. Are you excited?"
Hillary took something out of her drawer. "This is a fully padded bra that my mother had me buy for you. Take off your bralett and put this on. It will give you even more shape that I have, and it will make you feel like a big girl."
As Kaylie changed she was subjected to Stacey's mild teasing. "Do you always turn around when you change in front of other girls? There is nothing to be ashamed of. Are you looking forward to filling out the cups for real?"
After admiring her profile in the mirror and getting complements for Hillary and Stacy it was time to go back to the book.
Kaylie sighed as she turned to the next chapter and saw that it was about menstruation. This was getting difficult to read aloud. She was aware that Stacy seemed to be delighted to watch her squirm.
Finally Kaylie finished that section. He noticed that Hillary was holding something in her had.
"I bet you have never seen a sanitary pad. This is what the book said girls use during their periods. Here take it." She handed the small object in a pink wrapper to Kaylie. "You unwrap it and apply the sticky side to your panties then pull them on tightly."
Kaylie nervously took the pad and turned it around in her hands. Stacy was on the verge of laughing. "Well, Kaylie, do you want me to show you how to wear it, or are you big girl enough to do it yourself? Smart girls practice using one before the first time they actually need it."
Kaylie knew she was trapped. She hesitated then stood up and headed to the bathroom. "I can manage."
When she came back she saw that Stacy was holding what looked like a thin white tube. "While you were taking your time in the bathroom I went and asked Mother for one of these. It is called a tampon. You just read about them in the book, and Hillary decided you needed to know what a tampon applicator actually looks like and I agreed."
Hillary decided to reassure Kaylie. "Don't worry, we will not ask you to try using it. Generally girls are discouraged from using tampons until they are older, like sometime in High School. Besides you do not have the right place to put it." She paused, "yet!"
Finally the girls had enough fun making Kaylie read aloud from the book.
"Now you know a little about what you have been missing by not going to health class with the girls," Hillary said with a grin.
Stacy got up from the bed and put her arms around Kaylie's neck. "I am impressed. A normal boy would never be able to control himself while reading all that. Maybe you really are a girl already."
"Let's get some bedtime snacks," Hillary announced.
Madeline and Valerie were already in their nightgowns and bathrobes when the girls bounced into the kitchen. There were lots of admiring remarks about the girls faces, along with a few 'don't try wearing anything like that makeup to school' comments.
Madeline redirected the conversation as the girls loaded up on cookies and milk. "Valerie, one thing I have always taught Hillary is the necessity of doing something controversial when there is sufficient justification. I refer to this a getting into 'good trouble.' Helping Kaylie recover from the omissions of years ago has involved a few situations like that." She ended by looking at Hillary with a knowing look. "And there may need to be more."
The girls headed back to Hillary's room, closed the door, and chatted while each in turn went into the bathroom to clean up and change. Kaylie had a floor length floral print cotton gown that hid the fact that she had no curves. Stacy changed into a frilly but modest pale blue gown that hinted that she was just starting to develop. Hillary emerged from the bathroom in a very sheer pink nylon gown with lacy trim that left little to the imagination. Hillary had definitely filled out more than Stacy.
"Wow, my mother would never let me buy something like that," declared Stacy.
Hillary spun around right in front of Kaylie. "Do you like it?"
"I ... I think you look ... beautifully feminine."
"Are you saying this as a former boy or as a girl who admires other girls," Stacy said with a coy look.
"I'm a girl," Kaylie replied emphatically.
Hillary posed like a fashion model. "That was a perfect answer, Kaylie. Now, are you ready to see what a girl looks like? Not drawings, not pictures, the real thing?"
Stacy was shocked. "You aren't going to take it off are you?"
"Of course. If Kaylie had been going to school as a girl she would have seen naked girls many times by now in the gym and dance studio changing rooms, on sleepovers, and maybe when 'experimenting' with her friends. If she was on the normal schedule for reassigned boys she would also be able to look in the mirror and see how the doctors temporarily fixed her down there."
"How do you know all that?"
"My mother explained a lot about what Kaylie has missed, and what she needs to experience to be ready for the assessment. It could be awkward for her if the first time she sees a naked girl's body is when the psychologists start showing her pictures to evaluate identity and orientation."
"Do you want to see, Kaylie."
"Yes," she replied barely above a whisper.
Hillary unfastened the gown at the neckline, slowly pulled it off one shoulder, then with a wiggle let it drop to the floor. She turned slowly twice so that Kaylie could see her from every angle. Their eyes met at she stood giving her a final full frontal view.
"Look, but don't you dare touch. We're too young for that."
Hillary pulled the gown back on and the special moment was over. Soon the girls were under the covers pretending to be asleep while each considered everything that had happened that evening.
The next afternoon Stacy had gone home, but Kaylie was still at the Lees' house because her mother said should would be late picking her up. This was fine with Kaylie. Madeline and Hillary created a supportive teaching environment, and Kaylie knew she needed as much girl socialization time as possible.
Madeline sat down in front of Kaylie with a serious demeanor. "We need to talk about some sensitive topics. Please pay attention." Kaylie nodded. "I know what happened in Hillary's room last night. But I want you to tell me about it.
Kaylie turned pale. "Did we do something wrong?," she cried.
"No, what happened is something young people have been doing since the beginning of time. Everyone has curiosity about other people's developing bodies. Parents have endlessly tried to prevent such things from happening, but never really succeeded. I as far as I am concerned one girl saw another girl's body, not a big deal. What is important is for me to hear it from your perspective. How did you feel, and how did your body respond?
Kaylie nervously related the events and her feelings. Talking about it with an adult was not easy, especially when she asked highly personal questions. Finally Madeline leaned back and smiled
"I am very pleased and encouraged. First, you have shown an outstanding ability to talk about sexual topics without embarrassment . You will need that skill when the psychologists interview you. You have told me that you found Hillary's body to be very attractive, you wanted to be physically close to her, and most importantly you did not get an erection. My efforts on your behalf seem to be having the desired effect."
"What do you mean?"
"I have been giving you lesbian-oriented reading and having you and Hillary watch lesbian romance movies. The estrogen in those acne pills has also have helped with both feminizing your mental state and suppressing the male physiological response."
"Why are you doing. What are you trying to make me become?"
"It is time for you to know more about what is coming. As you know the gender reassignment treatments are given only to boys who have exceptional intellectual merit, which you have shown, and who are also rated as politically reliable. Reassigned boys are evaluated by the psychologists each year. To be approved for continued feminization requires being fully socialized as a girl who totally supports the norms of our feminist society.
"During your assessment the psychologists will be scoring you on what is called the 'Identity and Orientation Matrix.' This provides multidimensional measures of how you personally identify yourself on a male-female scale, and how your romantic orientation is focused on a scale from loving men to loving women. For someone like you who wants to be reassigned as female the best possible outcome of the Identity and Orientation scoring is for you to be high in the lesbian quadrant. By modern standards a male-born person who identifies as female and who is attracted to females is considered to be someone who deserves to be offered the gift of transgender transformation, and the opportunity to become a productive citizen of the Feminist Republic. Do you understand what I am saying?"
Kaylie nodded and looked off into the distance. "This is a lot to think about."
"I know. I warned you that becoming a girl is hard at your age. If only you had been reassigned earlier you would be so much better off now. But we will work together on this. OK?
"You need to get some fresh air. Why don't you and Hillary go in the back yard and enjoy the early spring weather until your Mother gets here?"
Day by day Madeline continued to provide Kaylie with opportunities to do normal girl activities. For the next weekend Madeline invited Kaylie to join Hillary and Stacy on a shopping trip to a teen fashion shop on the far side of town.
"Kaylie, you need to get some experience being out in public. I know you are nervous about being recognized, but the socialization is worth the risk."
"Will I get in trouble if someone figures out I am still a boy?"
"First, there is no law against a boy being dressed as a girl anymore. Before the Time of Trouble people could be harassed under vague laws that amounted to a ban on 'Walking While Trans,' but not anymore.
The experience of being outed might be embarrassing at first, but if you respond confidently you will strengthen your feminine identity."
"How I should respond?"
"Tell the truth. Just say, 'Yes I was born a boy, but I am going to become a girl.' That is all they need to know. Don't worry."
Madeline made sure that Hillary and Stacy kept a lively conversation going on the ride to the store. Kaylie was bombarded with unfamiliar questions about her fashion preferences, but learned to make up believable answers on the spot. When they arrived Hillary and Stacy dragged Kaylie into the store and started browsing. Kaylie decided that the best way not to be read was to act like a normal girl and show genuine interest in shopping.
After the initial excitement subsided Madeline made it clear that she had an objective. "Kaylie, up to now you have been wearing things that Hillary has given you. This is your first chance to buy a pretty dress that you have picked out for yourself. Don't worry about paying, it will be my treat."
Hillary and Stacy eagerly assisted Kaylie in going through the racks and provided endless comments about styles and colors. This was followed by a cycle of picking something, heading to the changing room, doing a careful inspection in front of the mirrors, and trying on next dress. Kaylie was amazed to see how much her attitude changed depending on how each dress looked on her. Eventually she selected a party dress that would be fun to wear with her girlfriends.
Everyone agreed that the dress was fancy, frilly, and feminine and totally appropriate for the fun, fearless, female that Kaylie hoped to become. Madeline was delighted, paid at the counter, and they all headed home. What they did not notice was the car that arrived just as they walked out of the store and who was in it.
Soon, the school year was almost over and Kaylie was looking forward to never having to present a Kyle ever again. A daily gender change was nerve wracking, and Kyle never really felt safe at school after the incident where Jimmy shouted out his observations from peeping.
Since Ms. Lee intervened to arrange for more self-study time Kyle normally left school after morning classes. But, today there was a special all-student lyceum he had been told to attend. Kyle was sitting alone in the lunchroom waiting for the bell. There was no real alternative. He did not want to hang out with the few boys in the lower grades, and he had been endlessly reminded that middle school boys do not hang out with girls at school. Suddenly he saw several of the most popular girls in his class approaching his table. Stacy's sometimes friend, Pamela, who always played the queen bee role with the girls in their class, sat down directly across from Kyle. Meanwhile the other girls gathered around. Nervously Kyle looked up.
"So, Kyle Clark, are the rumors we have been hearing true?"
"What, are you talking about?"
"You know, we all heard the things Jimmy was shouting at you before he got expelled. Something about you and Hillary dancing in her bedroom."
"And the way you sometimes walk with a wiggle down the hall," added Becca.
Carol cut in, "And the other day I saw someone who looked a lot like you come out of a dress shop carrying something really cute on a coat hanger."
Kyle knew he was cornered. The snickering and giggling was getting more and more intense. Neither Hillary or Stacy were nearby. He saw Ms. Jayne Wood and Ms. Lee in the hallway outside the lunchroom, but there was no way to ask them for their help. Besides, any teacher intervention would likely make matters worse. He remembered the advice Ms. Lee had given to Kaylie.
Pamela started up again. "So, pretty boy, are you trying to become a girl?
Kyle straightened up and looked her in the eye. "As a matter of fact, yes!"
The giggles were replaced by gasps from the girls.
Kyle continued. "I have made a formal request to the counseling staff to be considered for gender reassignment. Outside of school I am receiving feminization training to prepare me for the official psychological assessment. Any other questions?"
Kyle sighed. The truth had been spoken. The reactions were swift.
"Eeeek - he's a freak."
"Weird"
"Gross"
As he held his ground Kyle noticed that the girls attitude slowly started to change. Then Pamela came to his rescue.
"This sounds awesome. I think you'll become an awesome girl," Pamela suddenly declared changing the mood.
The teasing at his expense was being replaced by curiosity and the even a few sympathetic comments.
Just then Hillary marched up. "Why are you bothering my friend?"
"What's this 'your friend' stuff," someone started before being cut off.
"We just wanted to know if what we heard about Kyle was true," Becca said apologetically.
"The name is Kaylie, and yes she is hoping to become a girl and attend High School next year. My mother and I am helping her get ready." Hillary pulled Kyle up from the bench. "Let's go before the teachers notice."
Hillary and Kyle headed into the hall where they were stopped by Ms. Lee. "You both did an outstanding job. The truth gives you power. I am proud of what each of you did. We were watching and listening, but were confident that you could handle the situation.
"Now go to the auditorium." She paused. "Kyle, it will be OK if you sit in the same row as Hillary for the lecture, just have an empty seat between you two."
The lunchroom confrontation with the popular girls made the last week of school exceptionally stressful. Now everyone in the school had heard about Kyle's situation. Most of the popular girls were tolerant or accepting, but there is an incredible amount of disapproval as well. Madeline continued in her role as champion, and intensified Kaylie's girl training as the scheduled assessment approached.
Ann continued to be a passive bystander in contrast with Madeline's enthusiastic efforts. Kaylie remained confused by her attitude. Mother always seemed to avoid participating in the feminization experiences that Ms. Lee provided. She would claim to be busy or have errands to run. Mother changed the topic very time Kaylie tried to talk about her goal to become a official girl legally, socially, and most importantly, physically. Discussion of medical interventions seemed really upsetting to mother.
Kaylie had just arrived at Hillary's house when Ms. Lee, who was still wearing her school counselor dress clothes, indicated she wanted a serious talk.
"Hillary, get some refreshments and bring them to the living room. Kaylie will appreciate having something to drink."
Kaylie wondered what this was going to be about and looked to Hillary for support. That opening did not sound good.
"Kaylie, I need to talk to you about some of the tests that will take place when you go to the Regional Center for your assessment. As you know one of the objectives is to screen for political reliability and assess your gender identity and sexual orientation. We have talked about this in general, but I have not gotten into specifics.
"One of the examinations will involve the modern version of a test developed over a century ago called the Freudian Thematic Apperception Test. You have heard about Freud in the readings I gave you. He was an early psychologist who developed a complex theory of childhood psychosexual development. Many of his ideas have been discredited, but others are the foundation of our modern understanding. His major contribution was pointing out the importance of childhood experiences and that sexual identity is already formed long before puberty.
"The Thematic Apperception Test developed from his theories. In this test the subject was shown ambiguous pictures and then asked to tell a story about what they thought the picture represented. There would be pictures of men and women, of couples, and pictures where the sex of the individuals was ambiguous. In the modern version the person being examined is shown pictures in a closed room while being monitored by instruments that measure involuntary responses that relate to the emotional state.
"These instruments are based on old 'lie detector'technology. Although you will be asked to tell stories about some pictures the instruments will give the assessment team a measure of you hidden thoughts."
Kaylie was becoming more and more agitated as the conversation went on.
"Kaylie, be confident going into the test. Your school reports state that you have shown strong feminine traits since you started kindergarten. Ever since you aced the aptitude test I have been giving you both reading and real-life experiences to help you develop the mind of a girl your age. During the test keep refocusing your mind on positive feminine experiences. You will be able to convince them. Believe me."
The day after the intense discussion about the upcoming Thematic Apperception Test Madeline wanted to defuse the tension with lighter topics.
"Kaylie, have you considered what you are going to wear to the Regional Assessment Center on your big day? We really have not talked about this."
"Not really. You told me that I need to make a good first impression presenting as a girl, but I do not have a lot to clothes chose from."
"You need to arrive presenting yourself as a beautiful and confident girl. How could anyone expect you to express your girl identity if you are wearing Hillary's second hand clothes? I think we are going to have to take you shopping again and get you something that fits well and looks very serious and professional. The only new dress you have is way too frilly to wear for interviews with the psychologists. You will also need matching shoes and accessories to complete the look. We will also get you some makeup in your colors, not Hillary's extras. We need to do this right away. You need to practice applying very light makeup that looks feminine and businesslike, but that will still be age-appropriate for the occasion."
A couple evenings later Madeline took Kaylie and Hillary on the promised shopping trip. Madeline assured everyone that there was no longer any need to be secretive. Kaylie was gaining confidence, but still not totally comfortable presenting as a girl in situations where she might be recognized. Her mother's continued reluctance probably affected the mood. Ann had declined to accompany them shopping and just loaned Kaylie a charge card to pay for her new outfit.
Madeline directed the girls to a store specializing in business and professional attire, but that had younger clothes as well. At first Kaylie was overwhelmed by the choices, but Madeline and Hillary were full of advice.
"Saturated primary colors make a bold statement. You want a classic look; nothing too trendy. How about this one? It looks very feminine without being at all flirtatious. Here hold this one up. Yes, it is one you should try on."
Eventually Kaylie had selected a striking yellow dress with contrasting red scarf, a belt, a shoulder bag, and a pair of kitten heel shoes.
"Mother, will it be OK if I loan Kaylie a nice necklace and lucky charm bracelet?"
"Yes, that will remind her of your support. But keep the bracelet subtle, don't go overboard."
Kaylie thought they were through, but Madeline next lead the way to a hair salon.
"You have been letting your hair grow out for a while now and making do with my occasionally trimming it in my kitchen. It is time for your first professional feminine style."
Kaylie smiled. She had worried about how the androgynous hair style she needed for school would detract from her appearance at the assessment.
Madeline walked up to the receptionist desk at the salon. "I am Ms. Lee, I called earlier for an appointment. This girl needs a styling appropriate for a important interview. Her hair is a bit short, but I am sure you can give her a totally feminine look."
As the stylist put the apron around Kaylie's neck she whispered. "Aren't you Kyle Clark? The boy everyone is talking about?"
"My name is Kaylie, but I am not going to deny any rumors," she replied confidently.
"You are really brave, dear. Let me see what I can do for you."
Kaylie was getting more and more stressed as the big day approached. Madeline tried to balance the urgency of preparation with fun activities to help Kaylie keep up her spirit. Hours of feminist reading were broken up by getting into a leotard and tights for a movement and dance session with Hillary. Madeline, Hillary, and sometimes Stacy led Kaylie through numerous role-playing exercises to reinforce her feminine personality, then switched to informal feminine chatting.
Finally the preparation time was over. Tomorrow would be Kaylie's crucial day.
Chapter 6 - Psychological Assessment
Synopsis: Kaylie undergoes a day of intense evaluation and proves she deserves reassignment as a girl. Ann Clark finally acknowledges the reasons for her fear and hesitation about her daughter's feminization training. Things move quickly for Kaylie once the official approval is granted.
Kaylie got up after a restless night of sleep. Today was the official psychological, gender identity, sexual orientation, political reliability, social adjustment, cultural literacy and everything else assessment that was going to determine her future. Madeline, her champion and personal trainer, had been constantly assuring her that she was totally ready to make a convincing case for being reassigned. But Kaylie still was worried. She sighted and decided to do a few minutes of yoga meditation. After calming herself down she put on her recently purchased set of professional-looking girl clothes, brushed her hair into the feminine style that the hair salon had created, applied a light touch of makeup that would meet Madeline's approval, and headed for breakfast.
"Are you ready for today, dear."
"As ready as I will ever be. But scared too. I do not want to have to spend the rest of my life as a male. If I am not approved I will want to ..."
"Please, Kaylie. Don't even think that sort of thing. Think positive, feminine thoughts. Everything will work out alright. But, this is frightening for me too."
Just then Madeline and Hillary arrived. "We wanted to come over here to show out support and wish you well. As a professional counselor I know you are ready. Just follow your female intuition and you will be fine."
"Kaylie, when you have been with me and Stacy you have presented 100% as a girl. Remember that."
"I have solicited very positive recommendation letters from the teachers who know you and who are sympathetic, and I had them sent in for your evaluation file," Madeline added. "Be a confident girl when you walk in there."
On the way to the regional career and gender center Kaylie noticed that her mother was tightly gripping the steering wheel. Kaylie focused on meditation and memory recall exercises and said little.
They arrived, signed in, and after a few minutes wait were greeted by a formal looking staff member in a white coat who escorted Kaylie to the first of many examining rooms and offices that she would visit that day. Looking back as she left the lobby she could see her mother was misty eyed again.
What followed was a whirlwind sequence of medical examinations, interviews with various professionals, sitting in testing rooms filling out multiple choice questions, and doing role-playing exercises in front of teams of evaluators. Then she was brought to the room she had been dreading the most, the Thematic Apperception Test.
"Kyle Clark, that is your legal name even though you are presenting as a girl today, you will now be given the computer-aided Freudian Gender and Orientation test. Please strip down to your underwear and sit in this chair while I attach the various instruments and position the cameras. This is a modern, very sophisticated version of what they called a 'polygraph' or 'lie detector' before the Times of Trouble. On the screen will appear various images that have been carefully selected for clinical evaluation purposes. Some may look graphic, but all have been edited for viewing by a minor. You will be asked to describe the story that the images suggest to you. The instruments will monitor your involuntary responses: heart rate, breathing, skin moisture. The cameras will monitor your eye movement, facial expression, and any arousal reactions. It will be emotionally stressful, but it is necessary to measure these data if you are to be approved for reassignment."
The door closed, the lights dimmed, and images came up on the screen. Some images were enjoyable, others upsetting, and others seemed to give Kaylie no reaction at all. Kaylie started to relax. From time to time a voice over the loudspeaker asked for more of a story about the image. Other times music filled the room. Then the images became more and more disturbing with suggestive depictions of men doing disgusting things with women and with each other. It became harder to talk about the scenes. Kaylie felt her stomach clench and she tried to suppress her response. Suddenly the door opened and someone shoved a bucket in front of her as the vomit gushed from her mouth. She was given a towel to wipe up and a drink of water.
"Don't be embarrassed. Reactions like that are not unusual. I warned you that this test is emotionally stressful."
The process resumed, and now the images were of girls and women alone and in couples. There was less use of line drawings and less digital blurring of photographs now. When asked for a story Kaylie was relaxed and talkative. Between stories she tried to think about the wonderful evening when she saw Hillary naked, of all the romance fiction that Madeline had insisted she read. The mind focusing exercises worked, and her boy parts never stirred. Finally it was over. The lights came back up and the technician came in to remove the instruments.
"You can get dressed now and then wait for me to take you to the next station."
Kaylie noticed that both women in the control room were smiling at her as she was escorted away from that high-tech torture chamber.
Finally, after even more interviews she was back in the waiting area where her mother greeted her. "How was it?"
"Exhausting, terrible, frightening, stressful, everything bad." Kaylie sank into a chair and put her face in her hands. "I can't talk about it right now. I have no idea of how I did."
"Do you want to go to the cafeteria and get something?"
"No," Kaylie said sharply.
After and excruciating hour of waiting Kaylie and Ann Clark were led into an office where the Chief Psychologist sat impassively behind her massive desk. Kaylie was shaking as she sat down to await her fate.
The Chief Psychologist broke into a wide smile. "I cannot say anything official until all the paperwork is done, but informally Miss Kaylie Clark, you are now a girl." She waited and said nothing more until Kaylie stopped hugging her mother.
"Looking at all the interim results as they came in today I could see that you will definitely have a final score that makes you eligible for gender reassignment despite your age. Once all the results are compiled we issue the certification documents that make you officially female. You will be able to have the necessary medical treatments to transition your body, and you will be able to continue in school and train for a science or technology profession of your choice. You are most fortunate that Madeline Lee recognized the terrible mistake that occurred when you were not assessed for reassignment at the normal age. She insisted that your potential was too great to ignore and figured out how to present your case as a necessary and justified exception to normal practice."
Kaylie had calmed down a little. This was all so wonderful. But when she looked at her mother she saw a mix of grief and worry.
The psychologist continued, "As you know the Feminist Republic only allows those who are politically reliable to enter any of the professions that control power in modern society; government, law, medicine, defense officers, engineers, scientists, computer specialists, and so on. We pay very close attention to the evaluation of gender identity and sexual orientation when deciding if a highly intelligent boy is a suitable candidate for reassignment, because many historic traitors were seduced and compromised by illicit loves.
"Kaylie, what you showed today is that you are not patriarchal or misogynistic in any of your thinking. You are most definitely not a male homosexual. You show no attraction to men and boys. You identify fully as a girl, and you show age-appropriate attraction to other girls. There is every reason to expect that you will mature into a happy, well-adjusted woman who has healthy lesbian relationships.
"If you had been selected for feminization in Elementary School the gender transition team would have been nurturing these traits in you year by year. With Madeline's help your latent potential has emerged, and you have adequately compensated for the unfortunate mistake that happened.
"We will process everything by tomorrow, and you should schedule an appointment with Dr. Rebecca Taylor the day following. School is now out so there is no reason not to start spending full time as a girl. You can register for summer enrichment programs and look forward to attending the all-girls High School starting in Autumn. I think your mother needs to take you clothes shopping. Good luck, young lady."
The Chief Psychologist looked at the files on her desk. "There is one form here that we still need Ann Clark to sign. It is the maternal consent for gender reassignment. It will need to be in the medical records before Dr. Taylor can take any irreversible steps with your daughter."
Ann's hands were shaking as she took the document. "Can I take it home to read and bring it back when we see Dr. Taylor?"
"Certainly, this it a binding legal document. Take whatever time you need to read it."
"Mother, please. Why won't you sign the consent right now? I worked so hard to get through the assessment. I am ready."
"Kaylie, I have to think."
Kaylie was subdued when they left the Regional Assessment Center, but started to recover during the ride. She had a plan. "We need to stop at Lees' and tell them in person right away. I am sure they are anxiously waiting. No don't call ahead. I want to see Hillary's reaction and then just hug her."
Kaylie confidently swayed her hips as she glided to the front door. She did not care who saw or recognized her now. She rang the doorbell and waited. When the door opened Madeline had a calm, professional expression, but Hillary looked worried.
"I passed," Kaylie shouted with excitement. "I have a gender treatment appointment with Dr. Taylor for the day after tomorrow. I'm on my way!"
After several minutes of laughing, crying, hugging, and cheering the excitement died down.
"Let's take Kaylie out to dinner at a nice restaurant to celebrate," Madeline suggested.
"But dressed like this? What if someone recognizes her?"
"Ann, her reassignment will be official tomorrow. You cannot keep it a secret. Besides, the professionals have declared that Kaylie is a girl. Why should she not go out to dine wearing a dress?"
Madeline left to call the restaurant and Kaylie followed her out of the room. A few minutes later Madeline returned. "I called for reservations and we do not need to be there for an hour. Ann, let's sit and talk. There is something important that needs to be addressed. You girls, go to Hillary's room, please.
Hillary and Kaylie bounce off giggling with excitement. Once the door was closed they grabbed each other and hugged in a way they had never done before.
"You passed. You are going to become a real girl full time."
"I am a girl now, Hillary. You and Madeline have been telling me that for months."
"There is definitely a girl inside your head. No doubt. But you also need the registration certificates and new ID card so that your real gender can be your official gender."
"I know. Tomorrow they said the paperwork would be complete."
"Even more important, you need to get on a full dose of female hormones right away and start growing breasts and hips."
Kaylie looked at herself front and sideways in the mirror. "I have a lot of filling out to do before I catch up with you."
"Don't worry. Girls mature at different rates, look at Stacy. You just need extra help. Speaking of extra help, when are you going to be castrated, you know, have your little boy-balls cut off?"
Kaylie scowled, "I don't know. Apparently Mother needs to sign some papers first. It seems something is wrong with her."
There was a knock on the door. "Hillary, Kaylie, lets have a talk."
In the living room Madeline was sitting at her reading desk looking very formal and professional. There were documents spread in front of her. Ann was in a chair with her hands in her lap and was staring at the wall.
"Ann, I am speaking to you as both the school counselor for Kaylie, and as a professional on the family counseling team that has been working with you. It is clear that you have been evading some of the issues. You have promised in your counseling sessions that you were going to deal with these things as a mature, responsible adult. For Kaylie's sake we need to bring your issues out in the open right here and now."
The tension in the room was overwhelming. Madeline turned to Kaylie. "Kaylie, you are a big girl. Ask your mother the question that you told me has been bothering you."
Kaylie was in tears. "Mother, you have promised to support my becoming a girl, but you keep hesitating. Like today, when you did not sign the consent form. And you always seem to be afraid of something. Afraid to see me changing into a girl. Afraid to see me do girl things with Hillary. Afraid ...." She could not continue.
Madeline gave an emphatic look then turned to Ann. "Ann, tell Kaylie the truth."
Ann started in a hesitant voice. "Kaylie, I'm sorry. There are things that happened long ago that have prevented me from doing what I should have for you. I have been in denial. I need to confront my repressed emotions. Until the recent family counseling sessions I never told anyone, but ..."
Kaylie met her mother's eyes.
"... my parents were conservative religious fundamentalists who were married in the Church of God the Father. Your grandfather was a domineering patriarch who abused both me and your grandmother. To him women existed only to please and serve men. He regarded any men who expressed the slightest approval of feminist ideas as enemies of civilization. He was a member of the KKK and took part in raids on the homes of gay and transgender people. He bragged about once trashing a hormone therapy clinic and stealing the patient files. I was forced to sit through Sunday School lessons at the church and nightly family scripture reading where he selectively misinterpreted the holy book."
Hillary held Kaylie, and Madeline gave her a tissue to wipe her eyes and a glass of water.
"Eventually your grandmother rebelled. There was a messy period of family fights and arguments. One day while he was out on business your grandmother quickly packed a couple of bags and we went to a safe house across town, and from there moved to another city. We never saw that monster again.
"Our escape happened right at the peak of the Times of Trouble. We ended up in feminist territory and by the time I was your age grandmother had sworn allegiance to the Feminist Republic. In high school I studied feminist social and political theory along with all the other girls, but I was always troubled.
"My mother got me away from the mind controlling of the Church of God the Father, but by then a lot of false ideas had been implanted in my mind. To your grandparents males and females were created by God and sex at birth was an unchangeable aspect of the soul. I had been brought up to consider any attempt at physical sex change or even any social gender non-conformity to be a unforgivable sin.
"Even as an educated adult you can never completely escape childhood religious indoctrination. Feelings of fear and guilt creep into your mind again and again. I tried to control them, but sometimes professional counseling is necessary."
Madeline looked at her. "And now tell Kaylie how these feelings of yours have affected her."
"You were conceived semi-naturally so there was a 50-50 change for boy or girl. Like most mothers I was disappointed that you turned out male. When you started pre-school I fully understood that the Feminist Republic needed all the politically reliable talent they could get. I received the normal information on the programs to evaluate little boys each year and select the most intelligent boys to be made into girls. I found this idea to be logical, but emotionally frightening. I knew you had been scored as both intelligent and feminine in your first and second grade teacher observation reports.
"I kept you home from school on the day for your scheduled third grade educational and gender assessment. I deliberately ignored the remainders to reschedule you. I was afraid you would be selected. I just could not accept that making little boys into girls was right."
"Mom." Kaylie cried. Madeline professionally calmed the situation and indicated to Ann that there was more to say.
"All these old fears and guilt feelings came back to me when you started asking about gender reassignment so that you could stay in school past eighth grade. On one hand I knew that you were a good candidate academically and when younger you had expressed transgender tendencies. Madeline and others encouraged me to be supportive and I went along reluctantly. On the other hand, I could not emotionally accept the idea of gender reassignment, and kept resisting and hesitating. Like when I was presented the maternal consent form, today."
Madeline spoke authoritatively, "Thank you for bringing these issues out in the open. Once difficult words are said openly in the presence of your family and friends it is possible to finally resolve the underlying problem. What are you going to do now?"
Ann looked at Kaylie then reached out her arms. "I am going to love and support my daughter and do everything I can to help her become the woman she was meant to be."
After a few emotional minutes Madeline again took charge. "We need to hurry, we are already late for dinner. This is going to be an even bigger celebration tonight. Kaylie, go to Hillary's room and redo your makeup. You look like you have been crying."
As Kaylie started to wash the streaks off her face Hillary was sorting through outfits in her closet. "Let's really look good tonight. These two dresses are the same style, but one is blue and the other yellow. You pick, and I will wear the other. And let me look for a few accessories that match."
The restaurant was elegant and the two girls felt very grown-up in their stylish outfits. To their dismay they were allowed only non-alcoholic mock cocktails for the post-meal celebratory toast.
Hillary grinned. "Girls always go to the restroom and freshen up after dinner. Shall we?"
Ann and Madeline lead the way. In the Feminist Republic the public female restrooms were always large and elegant, while a small grungy male restroom was provided for any accompanying little boys, workers, or suitably controlled boy-toy companions. For Kaylie going into the women's restroom at a fancy restaurant with Mother was a major rite of passage.
As they exited Ann and Kaylie encountered a neighbor going in. The woman stepped back and gave Kaylie a careful look, but did not say anything.
"You need to go public now, Kaylie," Madeline declared. "Ann, tomorrow you need to take Kaylie and introduce her to the biggest gossips in your neighborhood. The story will spread like wildfire once they see her. There is nothing unusual about elementary school boys getting reassigned anymore, but a boy becoming a girl at the end of Middle School will be big news."
"Do we dare do it before we get the official papers? What if something goes wrong?"
"Ann, you agreed to be 100% supportive. Besides if the Regional Center delays I will use all my professional clout to pry the final decision out of them."
Finally the official reassignment documents were in hand. For the past two days Kaylie had been swinging between uncontrollable delight and sheer terror that something might still go wrong. But today Kaylie woke up with a feeling of total relief. She had now seen her newly issued ID card with her feminine name and the gender marker "F", and a girl's picture that, like all ID photos, did not do justice to her appearance.
She eagerly got ready, and soon Ann and Kaylie were on there way to the gender clinic appointment. Unlike previous trips Kaylie and her mother kept up a lively conversation all the way to the parking lot. They headed to the office suite for Dr. Rebecca Taylor, signed in with Kaylie's new ID card, and waited with a mix of anticipation and excitement.
"Here is the signed maternal consent form, dear. I am sure you will enjoy handing it to her." Compared to her guilt and hesitation at the Chief Psychologist's office Ann was now decisive. Still, Kaylie noticed a lot of tension in her mother's hands as she passed document.
Dr. Taylor greeted Kaylie with a big smile and was much friendlier that she had been at the previous visit. "Kaylie Clark, your case has been a professional challenge for me. I am pleased that the gender and career counselors have now given the formal approval. Perhaps I was to cautious and hesitant to do anything controversial without the psychologists signing off. I have wanted to help you, and now I have all the authorization I need to officially start your medical transition.
"I was amazed by the enthusiasm shown in the cover letter from the Chief Psychologist. You clearly want to be reassigned, and there is no question about your eligibility. I will say more about this later, but briefly the evaluation team consolidated all different stages of approvals that normally would have happened between age seven and twelve into one decision document. Because of the years you spent as a boy you are behind the normal medical schedule and the official protocols and timetables need to be adjusted for you.
"Very few males start their transition at your age. Before the Times of Trouble most males who transitioned had to wait until eighteen or older because of legal constraints, but some brave doctors tried to intervene with younger boys. Since the Great Social Transformation the treatment specialists have gained increasing experience feminizing boys who start the process at six to eight years old, but there is still much controversy regarding optimal timing for critical steps.
"Before I say more I am going to apologize for not going beyond standard guidance at your first appointment. At your age male puberty could erupt at any moment. I shared your concern at your previous visit, but did not want to get ahead of official approvals and risk my professional reputation. I should have listened to Ms. Lee and risked getting into 'good trouble' - her favorite term - back then. Now I must help you quickly.
"There is no time to waste. At a minimum, I am going to give you a hormone injection today, and will prescribe the best cocktail of oral hormones and androgen suppressors that current pharmacology suggests."
Kaylie was on the edge of her chair soaking in every word.
"You will start experiencing many of the changes associated with female puberty: mood swings, hot flashes, tenderness around your nipples. You will soon start noticing that you are developing breast buds and a reshaping of your hips and buttocks. Since girls like you do not have a uterus you will be spared the abdominal cramps and menstrual periods. You should be grateful, but most transgender girls regret missing out on these very female body experiences.
"One thing I noticed. Your blood test at the Regional Center this week showed an exceptionally high level of estrogen for a boy. In fact, you were at the low end of the range for a girl." She paused and looked Kaylie in the eye.
Kaylie figured she had been caught. Madeline had told her to stop taking the acne pills two weeks before the assessment, but she actually stopped only one week before. She had been too terrified of what might happen if her hormones reverted to male levels for too long.
"I suspect you might have gotten some pharmaceutical help by an unofficial route. That is very dangerous. But I understand your motivation, and am not going to ask any more about it.
"Let me continue. As I mentioned earlier, I need to accelerate the standard transition timetable so that you can catch up with boys who were reassigned much earlier. In addition to hormones you will need surgery. The assessment paperwork shows that the psychologists agree you are mentally a girl, and committed to a full transition. I recommend we do at least the first stage surgery as soon as possible but there are options.
" Let me show you some diagrams illustrating the modern surgical procedures that are currently being done to boys who are identified for reassignment. Because we are transitioning males at such a young age we find that the staged surgeries work much better than trying to do everything at once like the so called sex-change clinics did before the Time of Trouble. Once the boys in elementary school make a social transition to living as a girl we do a temporary cosmetic procedure. The surgeon pushes their testicles back inside the body and folds the scrotum over the penis. This makes them look enough like a girl down there to allow tight clothes to fit between the legs, and avoids any embarrassing incidents in toilets and changing rooms. In theory this procedure is reversible, but I have never actually seen a child want to go back to being a boy after initial cosmetic surgery. After a few years of progress evaluation and low-dose hormone treatment the reassigned boys are ready to be castrated. After cutting off the testicles the surgeon does another a cosmetic procedure to create a more realistic female external appearance and urinary opening. The sensitive tissues are tucked inside to keep everything safe until the girl is older and is ready for a final operation that opens up a vagina and creates a clitoris. Many contemporary transgender women are exclusively lesbian, and do not bother with the vaginoplasty. That option avoids a lot of pain, hygiene issues, and other complications, but can still be sexually satisfying.
" Normally when a transgirl reaches her the end of her pre-teen years I increase the hormone dose to induce puberty, and then wait until there is significant breast development before doing any surgery beyond the grade school cosmetic procedures. That gives time for a final psychological assessment before the big irreversible step. In your case the psychologists have already signed off, and I am recommending a very compressed schedule because of your age. Even though you are just starting on a feminizing dose of hormones I am willing to offer you immediate castration. Once I surgically remove your testicles you will no longer have male hormones competing with the female hormones that you will be taking. You will feminize much faster, and there will be zero risk of any male secondary sexual characteristics developing. In any case, I strongly recommend you have me do the cosmetic work so you will not have to hide boy parts from your friends and classmates. As for adult stage surgical procedures, you can decide when the time comes."
Kaylie took a deep breath and made sure she was sitting in a relaxed, confident pose. This was what she had been waiting for ever since she learned about the idea of reassigning highly intelligent boys.
"I am ready to have you make me into a girl right now," Kaylie declared emphasizing each syllable.
"Let me repeat, you have options. Do not feel you have to rush."
"I understand. I have spent months waiting for this opportunity. I am not afraid to make a irreversible step."
"The assessment team has signed off on full medical transition including irreversible surgery. Your mother has signed the necessary consent form for me to proceed. But it is your body and you need to do what your feel is best for yourself.
"First, do you want me to fix you cosmetically 'down there'?"
"Of course. The sooner the better." Kaylie giggled. "It will make it so much easier to have sleepovers with my friends."
"I see you have a sense of humor. But, this is important. Now I need to ask you the decisive question explicitly. Are you ready to be castrated?"
Kaylie took another deep breath. "Yes." Kaylie could see that Dr. Taylor expected her to say more. "I do not want to have those boy parts any longer," Kaylie added forcefully, emphasizing each word.
"Good. But, I need to remind you again that once you have this procedure done there is no going back. If you change your mind you will never ever be able to be a normal male again."
"I understand. Ms. Lee has talked to me many times about this."
Kaylie knew there would be no going back. A new future would open up, and a birth destiny would be left behind. "Let's do it."
"Let's have your mother come in so you can tell her your decision. I suspected this is what you would want so I left my afternoon schedule open.
"The nurse will take you to the procedure room where you can get changed, and then we can get started."
Epilogue
The hormone treatment and initial surgery were totally successful, and Kaylie was able begin her High School years as a girl. She developed an increasingly female body, even though it took a few years to catch up with her friends. She is now focused on her education, but also developing an active social life. Kaylie is looking forward an scientific career contributing to the advancement of an environmentally responsible feminist society. The Feminist Republic of Pacifica needs women like Kaylie to create the technology needed to deal with the recurring threats from misogynistic hostile states beyond the borders. But all this may be the topic for a future story.
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Kaylie's time at summer camp draws to a close with new challenges leading to a scary campout. Her relationship with Hillary grows. High School is ahead, but that is another story.
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In the morning Kaylie lingered in the cabin bathroom a few extra minuets. She knew that Pam, Stacy, and Hillary were anxious to get their turn, but this was a chance to admire her changing body as she showered. Last year she had been a frustrated boy named Kyle and now she was blossoming into a woman. The very rushed preliminary surgery she had received in the spring had ended any chance of her entering male puberty, and now her medically approved hormone regime was starting to take effect. As she pulled on her clothes she thought about how lucky she was not to have any boy parts hanging between her legs creating embarrassing bulges. Being recognized as a potential Special Boy by Madeline Lee and then being officially feminized was the best thing that ever could have happened to her.
She thought about her situation compared to that of Patricia Ruhr, the only other Special Boy she had met so far. Pat was strong, outgoing, and brilliant, but clearly more conflicted about undergoing gender change. To Pat being feminized was the price for being allowed to complete her education and be trained for science and math professional work. She suspected that Pat's issues related to being required to keep her male gonads intact until she could act as a sperm donor generating specimens frozen in liquid nitrogen. This was all part of a complicated eugenics program to keep up the intellectual strength in future generations born in the Feminist Republic. In a way it made complete sense. If the smartest males were identified as Special Boys who were then castrated the remaining stud pool of men from the work camps would become less and less intelligent. Still, this did not seem fair to Patricia.
Kaylie was glad she did not have to live on a pharmacological razor edge balancing a reduced dose of feminizing hormones with the minimum male hormones needed to stay fertile. And she could not image what it was like for girls like Pat when the time came to switch to a male hormone regime for a few months so she could start producing sperm. At least Pat had been assured this "male interlude" would all be temporary. The genetic counselors emphasized that after the donation period she would be eligible to be castrated and take a full dose of female hormones.
Kaylie missed Patricia with all her clever and erudite remarks. Erudite was another word she had learned from Pat. Anyway, she was here at camp with Hillary, her best friend and supporter. Her other friends, Stacy and Pamela, were not only here at camp but even sharing a cabin with Kaylie and Hillary. Since they had all been in the same Middle School they had watched Kaylie's transition from the timid boy Kyle into the well-adjusted girl she was now. Most of the girls at camp were aware that Kaylie had been a Special Boy but did not make a big deal over it. A few, like Connie and Nancy B, definitely were potential troublemakers. Kaylie recalled the term TERF; meaning Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists which described a small, but persistent group in the Feminist Republic.
"Kaylie, quit daydreaming and get ready. The rest us need the bathroom too."
"OK, Hillary. Just a few seconds more."
She went back to her bunk and finished getting dressed in the functional clothes needed for rugged outdoor fun. Like the others she wore athletic shoes, jeans and a tee shirt with the camp logo. Everyone's shirts were a bit small, and Kaylie suspected this was by choice. She definitely liked the look of her budding chest and sports bra pressing out against the fabric.
Finally everyone was ready and Kaylie grabbed her backpack and headed out with her friends ready for another fun day.
Delicate Topics
Paula, the camp counselor and patrol leader was sitting on a bench under the trees with a stack of pamphlets beside her. The look on her face seemed to be somewhere between embarrassment and amusement. Kaylie and Hillary found a spot in the shade and sat down wondering what this was all about.
"Today girls we are going to talk about some delicate topics. Pay attention and remember, this is important. Absolutely no jokes or giggling. OK."
"I think I know what's next," Hillary whispered with a smile.
"We are going to talk about female hygiene in the woods. Some of you have already started having periods and know what to do at home and in school. The rest of you will soon start having to deal with this aspect of being a woman.
"What I will be talking about today is how to manage in wilderness situations where you do not have a modern bathroom. An important part of the Girl Scout camp experience is learning to survive under primitive conditions. You may not always have access to modern pads and tampons. But, for thousands of years women had do deal with exactly this situation. Like Sarah Winnemucca you need to master skills needed to live in the wilderness. Remember, when camping you still need to keep yourself clean to avoid rashes and infections. You also need to handle used absorbent materials properly when there is not a waste basket available.
"Now, each of you take one of these pamphlets and follow along."
Kaylie did her best to act like one of the girls as the lecture demonstration continued. A lot of this was new to her. She had not been in the girl's health classes in Middle School, and Mother had obviously not seen any need to prepare Kaylie for her first period. Occasionally she noticed she was getting snide glances from Connie. She was one of the few girls at camp who had shown hostility regarding Kaylie's transgender status. The day was getting hot and the session seemed to go on and on.
"OK girls, that's all for this morning. You have a free hour before lunch. Then this afternoon we will review what you have been learning about wilderness camping skills. Off you go."
Kaylie and Hillary started back toward the cabin but Connie cut in front of them.
"Well, that session was certainly wasted on YOU."
Hillary came to the defense. "Leave my friend alone. It is not her fault that she was born without normal girl parts."
Stacy and Pamela gave Connie a dirty look and moved next to Kaylie. "Lets go. Don't mind her."
Hillary turned to Kaylie. "Are you ready for tonight?"
"I'm not sure what everyone has been hinting about. What's the big deal?"
"Remember tonight is only two days after the new moon. The moon sets shortly after sunset and it will be really dark."
"So?"
"I think they are going to take us out into the woods have us sleep under the stars. Girls who were in our age group last year said it is a really scary experience."
Rumors about the coming night filled the dining hall conversations at lunch. Everyone seemed to have heard a little from "someone" but everyone had a slightly different version. Some of the more assertive girls were telling stories about wild animals and strange sounds that were terrifying the more timid girls. Through all this the counselors refused to answer specific questions.
Kaylie was especially attentive during the afternoon wilderness skills session hoping for a hint of what was coming. She figured that in they were reviewing important information that would be helpful tonight, but exactly what? Finally the afternoon session was over and everyone headed back to their cabins.
"Hillary, how come everyone is being so secretive?"
"I think it is a plot to help us develop confidence by putting us in an uncomfortable situation that we will need to deal with on our own."
"Why don't the girls who were at camp last year tell us what to expect?"
Pamela leaned over. "The idea is to keep everything secret so each year's group can have the experience. My cousin told me that at the end of camp everyone is asked to promise not to share details about certain things with younger girls. Discovering on their own is supposed to be a big part of camp for each year's group."
"Yes, but all this anticipation is making me nervous."
"I noticed. You didn't eat much lunch."
Just before the usual dinner time Paula and the other counselors were running around instructing the girls to assemble at the amphitheater. Kaylie headed over with the rest of her patrol and joined the growing crowd.
"I thought this was supposed to be dinner time like always," Pamela gripped.
"Missing dinner will not be your only concern tonight," a girl for a different patrol said with a smirk.
Just then the senior camp counselors got up on the stage while other counselors pulled up a series of heavily loaded carts. Just then Ms George, the fearsome Camp Director, picked up the microphone.
"Tonight will be an adventure and a lesson in self reliance. Is everyone excited?"
A weak response followed. Looking around Kaylie saw confused and uncertain faces. Breathing deeply she thought about everything that had happened in the last year and figured she was ready for whatever the camp was going to throw at her.
Ms. George continued, "You will each be given a backpack with a survival ration for your dinner, a water bottle, and a blanket. It will be up to each of you to take care of yourselves tonight. No cabin, no soft bed, no modern conveniences."
Sighs and gasps flowed across the amphitheater. Kaylie shuddered.
"Also, no flashlights. The moon will set soon but your eyes will adjust. You will be amazed by how much you can see with only starlight. Of course you should be huddled in your blanket by then and will not need to move around until dawn.
"And no snacks, no candy bars, and no electronics -- absolutely. The counselors will be checking and anyone found breaking the rules will have to do extra chores the rest of camp.
"You will head out on the north trail an hour after sunset. Use the moonlight to set up your camp and go to sleep. No heading back to camp until the rosy fingers of dawn indicate the approaching sunrise. Then use your navigation skills to find your way back here for breakfast.
"Being out in the woods at night can be scary but we have been teaching you girls all sorts of skills that will help you with this adventure experience. A big purpose of Girl Scouts is to teach young women how to manage intimidating situations when modern technology breaks down. That is why much of the program is adapted from military reconnaissance and primitive living skills.
"In really ancient times males thought they dominated the outdoors, but no longer. Boys grow up staying safe in the cities and waste time playing sports and mindless video games. It is the girls, like all of you here at Camp Winnemucca who have wilderness skills and self-confidence. Male dependence on technology was what lead to their defeat during the Times of Trouble and is what now keeps our Feminist Republic secure against misogynist enemies.
The talk continued with warnings, reminders of the techniques learned in various skill exercises from the past few days, stories of outstanding girls and women, and slogans to encourage character building.
"We are having you do a self-reliant campout to build your personal character. Remember that Native American women like Sarah Winnemucca had to sleep in the woods every night. Learn from them. Now lets have our camp cheer!"
The half-hearted voices began the chant, "We are the Winnemuccas and can't be beat ..." After the first round Ms. George kept them repeating it and calling for more enthusiasm and energy until she finally got a loud, rousing shout-out of the closing line "... We have the outdoor skills to knock boys off their feet!"
"Now line up and get your items from the counselors, and then regroup with your patrol leader. Hurry, we need to use the fading twilight to our advantage."
Kaylie followed Hillary though the line to get her backpack and blanket. She was dismayed to see how small the survival food ration packet was. And the blanket was both small and thin.
"Hillary, this is going to be a rough night."
"I know. I expect they expect us to gather leaves and dried branches for a bit of extra warmth and shelter, but still ..."
It was almost dark by the time Paula told them to head out following the patrol ahead using the light of a crescent moon. They quickly reached the end of the camp road and continued on a well-worn path into the woods. The north trail followed a steep walled valley with a trickle of a stream meandering along the bottom land.
"At least we will have the hills as landmarks to follow to get back."
Connie couldn't resist. " Yes, unless you confuse north and south. I guess even a Special Boy knows that the sun rises in the east."
"I better on the navigation problems than you did. Besides, the stream runs toward camp."
"Quiet," Paula called out. "No talking from now on. Keep looking at the trail ahead."
From the sounds Kaylie realized that there were fewer and fewer girls behind her. Periodically she could hear muffled instructions and then sounds of breaking branches as someone headed away from the trail.
Suddenly there was a tap on her shoulder as someone whispered, "Leave the trail, go in 50 paces, and sleep."
She hesitated, took a deep breath, and then started to pick her way through the brush. She had been counting steps and realized that someone was leaving the trail every 50 paces. That would mean that the distance between girls was about the same as their distance off the trail. Hillary would be the next to head into the woods. She listened for the sounds of the girl who left the trail before her and soon heard Hillary crashing through the woods ahead.
Kaylie reached out her hand to measure how much longer the moon light would last. Only half a hand-width above the horizon remained which meant less than 15 minutes until the moon set. Quickly she found a level spot and moved the sticks and rocks aside. More by touch than by sight she gathered handfuls of leaves and pine needles and piled them up before spreading out her blanket. Fortunately there was no wind as there was no time to build a brush shelter.
As darkness set in Kaylie sat on her blanket and dug in her pack for the food. There was a mystery loaf of what tasted like firm bread loaded with dried fruit and nuts. She decided it was probably nutritious even if it tasted awful. Alternating between the survival bread and a few sips of water to wash down the crumbs reminded her of starvation stories. She was still hungry after finishing the loaf and regretted not eating a full lunch.
Kaylie sat and listened to the night sounds. After this I will never be nervous walking on the Riverside Trail again she thought as she recalled the day when she rushed out of the woods and back to the safety of the street. Minutes later she had gone into panic when Pamela's mother drove by and then went around the block and had stopped the car behind her.
Shivering Kaylie pulled the blanket around her even though she was not really cold. Suddenly she jumped when she heard something scurrying around near her. Then she swatted at a mosquito that was buzzing around her face. Digging in her pack she confirmed that she had eaten all the food ration.
Rolling on her back she could clearly see the shapes of the tree branches against the sky. Looking down into the surrounding forest she realized how much her eyes had adapted to the dark. The rocks and branches on the ground were dimly visible. Looking back up she was able to identify a few bright stars overhead. She began thinking about the night exercises the patrol had done finding time and direction by the stars. She had done very well at celestial navigation and that knowledge was reassuring at the moment.
Kaylie's thoughts drifted to more unsettling experiences: being forced to act like a boy while growing up, being bullied at school for being a sissy, the year-long stress of preparing for the identity and gender assessment. The darkness and isolation made these thoughts even more depressing. She wished she could build a campfire, but that was against the rules that Ms. George had spelled out. Besides she had no matches. This was going to be a long, lonely night.
Recalling the number of paces she knew that Hillary was less than 200 feet away. It would be so nice to be together right now.
She thought about all of Ms. Georges's rules. Although the girls had been sent off into the woods one by one there seemed to be nothing against trying to find each other during the night. They had been warned about smuggling extra supplies in their pockets. There was a prohibition against taking the trail back to camp before dawn. Feeling like Alexander cutting the Gordian Knot with his sword Kaylie decided she could follow her own rules.
Kaylie wet her lips to whistle. "Who's awake? Are you?" She paused. "Who's awake? Are you?" She knew that the Great-horned owl was active at night so her secret bird call would not seem unusual or unexpected. She repeated a few more times.
Suddenly she heard a quick another bird call. "Drink-your-tea-ee-ee-ee" The Rufus-sided towhee was not a night active bird so the call had to be Hillary responding.
"Who's awake? Are you?" she immediately answered repeating three times like a distress signal.
After a few minutes she heard the sound of something big pushing through the brush then stopping. She gave the owl call again for location and heard more snapping branches followed by the towhee call. After repeating this several times she saw a human shape moving carefully through the trees.
"Hillary!," she whispered. They moved together and embraced.
"I was so scared, then I heard your bird call. It sounded real, but when you repeated I took the chance and answered."
"I was scared too. Did you bring your blanket?"
"Yes, I felt around and put everything in my backpack before starting out. I was afraid of getting lost on the way and did not want to be without my blanket the rest of the night.
"I have a pile of leaves right behind me under my blanket. We can share."
They sat down on Kaylie's blanket and wrapped Hillary's around the two of them. For a long while they sat silently and listened to the night sounds.
"This feels much better being together. I was so scared."
"I was scared too. I never realized how many sounds of insects and animals there are during the night.
"Girls support each other, you know that."
"Yes. Lets keep close together tonight."
"Are you cold?"
"Not, yet. Just uneasy."
Hillary reached for her pack. "I did not eat all of the survival bread that they gave me. Do you want the rest?"
Kaylie felt hungry. "How about if we break it in half and share?"
"No. You didn't eat all your lunch. Here take it."
"Thanks."
Kaylie crunched on the small piece of dry bread and drank some of her water. Hillary was such a wonderful friend. She adjusted her position to get more comfortable and pulled the blanket tighter. Slowly, without saying anything, the two girls slid their arms around each other and pulled close as their lips met and lingered. This was more than a friendly kiss.
"That was nice. Can we do it again?"
"Sure."
After a few minutes they were lying side by side on the blanket-covered leaves holding hands and looking up at the sky.
"How do you feel right now?"
"I was hoping something like that kiss would happen eventually, but I was afraid to make the first move."
"Just like some of the teen romance stories you have been reading?"
"I guess so. I think all those girl romance magazines you gave me to read really helped me transition socially."
"Kaylie, I am really happy that you are officially a girl now, and that we are here at Girl Scout camp together all day long."
"I was really afraid that you and me and Stacy were going to have an awkward triangle relationship this summer. It looks like Pamela may have solved that problem by becoming Stacy's girlfriend."
"Stacy is nice, but I like you better."
"Let's try to get some sleep."
"OK. Put your arms around me. It will be warmer."
"And more fun too."
Kaylie looked up and could see that the eastern sky was getting brighter. It had cooled off during the night and she snuggled closer to Hillary for a few more minutes. As the dawn approached she felt Hillary's hands moving slowly and gently over her body. She rolled toward Hillary and offered a good-morning kiss.
"Well we survived the night."
"More than survived. It was wonderful."
"Camp is supposed to be about character development and discovery. I wonder how many other girls at camp have discovered what we just did?"
"We are not the first."
"Let's straighten out our clothes and get ready to head back. It's almost light.
"We don't want anyone to see us coming out of the woods together. You go diagonally that upstream and I will head downstream. We can act like we met on the trail."
Soon they were joined by a growing line of girls heading down the valley back to camp. Most were so hungry that they headed directly to the dining hall without even stopping at their cabins. The cooks were ready for them and dished up fruit, oatmeal, buttered toast, and hot chocolate as fast as the girls arrived.
After breakfast Hillary and Kaylie headed back to their cabin and started washing up. Soon Stacy and Pamela arrived holding hands as they walked through the door. There was a moment of silence as the two couples exchanged knowing looks.
Stacy broke the ice. "I think you two did more than just camp out alone last night. But I won't ask."
Hillary and Kaylie put there arms around each other's waist, pulled close, and smiled.
The last few days of camp passed quickly. On the last full day there was a big celebration banquet. Kaylie sat in the cabin dressed in her full scout uniform as Hillary brushed out her hair and slipped a colorful scrunchie around a high ponytail.
Pam came over. "Let me give you some help with your makeup. This is the big dress-up occasion and you want to look like the beautiful woman you are becoming."
The girls headed to the dining hall which had been decorated by the counselors. There was a delicious feast and Kaylie had to remember to eat in small bites like a girl. She was aware that when the food was really good she still tended to gulp it down like the boy she had been for most of her life. She looked at Hillary sitting next to her and recalled that they had been friends even before Kaylie started on the path to femininity. Hillary must have sensed the confused emotion and took Kaylie's hand.
"We are girlfriends now. Remember that when we get home."
"Yes, I know. It's wonderful isn't it?"
The next morning Girl Scout camp was over and it was time to pack up and head home on the bus. Since girls had come from various communities were lots of hugs, air kisses, exchanging of contacts, and promises to see each other next year. In a few days it would be off to High School.
Epilogue
Kaylie's outstanding ability in science in math developed rapidly once she began High School with the other girls. The challenging curriculum and the opportunities to grow socially were overwhelming at first. But, by her second year she had fully compensated for the intellectual deprivation experienced during the years she spent as a boy, and she was placed on the honors study track. After an anxiety-inducing application process during her Senior year she was admitted to the best science-focused university in the Republic. Her growing relationship with Hillary and her semi-competitive friendship with Patricia Ruhr continue to be part of her college experience. Looking forward Kaylie anticipates a scientific career where she can contribute to the advancement of an environmentally responsible feminist society. The Feminist Republic of Pacifica needs women like Kaylie to create the technology needed to deal with the recurring threats from the misogynistic hostile states beyond the borders. But all this may be the topic for future stories.
The End.
Synopsis:
In the near future the Great Social Transformation has created a society in which women hold all the authority and power. Men remain uneducated and are restricted to mindless labor. But the Feminist Republic does not waste science and math talent, and has provided an alternative for a few Special Boys.
In Part 1 Kaylie succeeded in proving her intellectual and social merits and was approved for gender reassignment. The summer will be time for discovery about her new identity and relationships. History reading reveals how the Feminists were able to gain power.
Ann Clark was tense as she entered the procedure room where Kaylie had already changed into a hospital gown. She was calmly placing the professional-looking clothes that she had worn to the clinic into the personal belongings locker. She turned and smiled when Mother entered.
"It looks like you and Dr. Taylor have something planned for the afternoon," Ann remarked, trying hard not to show her anxiety. "What have you decided? Are you just starting hormones for now?"
"I told Dr. Taylor that I am ready to be castrated, now, today. I know I am a girl. I want to grow up female. I do not want those boy parts anymore."
Ann sat down in the extra chair and let out a deep breath. For a moment she focused on what had been discussed during her extensive sessions with Madeline Lee and the other specialty counselors. Madeline was the career counselor at the Middle School, the mother of Kaylie's best friend, Hillary, and had organized a team of adult counselors who helped Ann work through her repressed issues. Madeline was so important to both Ann and Kaylie now.
"I knew surgery was a possibility once the Chief Psychologist handed me the maternal consent form, but..." She paused to collect her thoughts. Kaylie looked so happy and confident. "But, this is so fast. Are you sure?" She looked at Kaylie and reconsidered what she was going to say. "I ..., I accept you ... for who you really are, and ..."
"Mother." Kaylie reached out and started hugged and crying. "This is what I have been preparing for ever since ... ever since I learned I could still be reassigned as a girl. I was never happy as a boy." Kaylie remembered what she had resolved when discussing her past with Madeline. "And I forgive you for not having me assessed for gender reassignment back in elementary school."
After a few more minutes of emotional hugging and sobbing Kaylie and Ann knew they had finally broken through a barrier.
"Kaylie, you have been through a lot of stressful situations in the past months. You are an incredibly strong girl. You are doing better than I am. I still have not forgiven my father for the abuse he inflicted on me and your grandmother. I still have flashbacks to the terrible patriarchal pseudo-religious indoctrination I was subjected to when I was a child."
Kaylie looked at her mother confidently. "We are going to support each other as daughter and mother; two women in the Feminist Republic. OK?"
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Kaylie, are you ready?"
The nurse could see that her patient was still a bit emotional. "Wash your face quickly. It will make you feel better. Then, I am going to give you the sedative pill that Dr. Taylor prescribed. What you are going to be having done today is stressful at any age.
"Now get up on the gurney and lie down. Relax and I will cover you with this blanket until Dr. Taylor comes in. Ms. Clark, you can go to the waiting room or cafeteria until the procedure is over."
Ann gave Kaylie a big motherly kiss as her daughter started to relax.
A few hours later Ann and the nurse maneuvered a still very groggy girl into the car to head home. Madeline and Hillary met them there to help get Kaylie to bed and cheer her up as needed. The after effects of the anesthesia meant an upset stomach but Kaylie was able to sip a little when Hillary offered a glass of sugary juice. Madeline demonstrated how to change the overnight absorbent pads and placed a towel-wrapped ice pack between Kaylie's legs to keep down the swelling.
Ann was amazed by the efficient care being offered. Madeline reassured her. "I knew what Kaylie was in for after Dr. Taylor did her procedure, and I read up on the post-operative guidelines. We want to help her heal quickly. Hillary will stay here tonight for companionship, and I will be back tomorrow."
Ann had a hard time relaxing before going to bed herself. She had not been ready for Kaylie to take that ultimate, decisive step immediately. Ann was suddenly bothered by thoughts dredged up from her fundamentalist, patriarchal upbringing. No, she though, that is not what I believe anymore. It is right for Kaylie to become a girl. She made her decision and I need to support her.
By the next afternoon Kaylie was beginning to feel normal again. Hillary had been keeping her entertained by reading aloud from teen romance magazines, telling jokes, and just being a good friend. Madeline visited several times during the day, and continued to be the champion and knowledgeable adult, which Kaylie greatly appreciated.
In the afternoon Madeline gave Kaylie a knowing look like she had something important to say. "Hillary, bring me some fresh gauze and the hand mirror from my supplies bag. Ann, you will want to be here for this, too."
Madeline carefully removed the bandages from between Kaylie's legs and expertly wiped the area with moistened gauze pads.
"OK, Kaylie, it's time for a look. Hold the mirror so you can see yourself. Don't be shocked, it will look bruised and swollen for a few more days."
Ann leaned in for a look as Kaylie gasped, "I look just like a girl!"
"You ARE a girl, mentally and legally, remember?" Hillary said with a smile. "Why shouldn't you look like the rest of us down there?"
"I think I have to go to the bathroom. Can you help me get out of bed."
"Taking your new equipment for a test drive?" Hillary joked.
"Hillary, help Kaylie stand up, this is serious. But, from now on, Kaylie, you will be able to sit and pee exactly like a girl. Isn't that exciting? Wipe carefully, the incisions are not fully healed yet.
"In a way you are fortunate in the way Dr. Taylor did your surgery. She chose the Stage 1 option where she only removed your testicles and then folded your scrotum over your short penis. You do not have to deal with all the complications of creating an artificial vagina until you are much older if ever. You already have what you need to be a functioning lesbian."
Madeline glanced at Ann. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I just guess I was momentarily shocked by what I saw. There is no going back now. Kaylie is my daughter forevermore."
"The public record section of today's news report has Kaylie's gender reassignment notice," Hillary announced excitedly.
Ann looked shocked. "Public record notice?"
"Yes, gender reassignments are now publicly published along with the traditional births, deaths, adoptions, commitment ceremonies, and other civil matters that the district recorders have always documented and certified."
"Let me read it to you 'June 1, Kyle Clark, age 13, male son of Ann Clark and undisclosed male partner, residing in Mountain View Township, Southern District, Feminist Republic, legally reassigned as Kaylie Clark, female; surgery performed by Dr. Rebecca Taylor MD at Southern Regional Gender Clinic.' Isn't that awesome?"
"What's wrong, Mom? This is something I am proud of. I am finally the girl I wish I had been born as."
"We'll talk later, Kaylie"
Madeline and Hillary had brought over a precooked light supper to share with Ann and Kaylie. The evening's conversation was casual and relaxed, in contrast to the intense, focused, feminization training discussions of the past months. After dinner Hillary went with Kaylie to her room to watch some dance and teen romance videos.
"Remember that novel you read when you were just starting your transition? The one about the two girls who were both afraid to initiate a first serious kiss?"
"Yes, it was a fun book at the time."
Hillary moved closer and put her arms around Kaylie's neck. "What do you think about that story plot now?"
Kaylie was trying to figure out how to answer when a voice came from the living room.
"Hillary, it's time to go. We need to let Kaylie rest.
Kaylie was exhausted and appreciated her mother's help getting ready of bed. She had been enthusiastic about being castrated when Dr. Taylor had offered that option immediately after her official, legal, approval from the Chief Psychologist. She knew she made the right decision, but for the moment she was still really sore down there.
Ann held out a clean pair of panties. "I put an extra thick sanitary pad in there. The doctor said that it will help cushion the area while your incisions heal. Do you want to use an ice pack for the swelling first?"
"I think I will be alright with just some ibuprofen and a sleeping pill tonight."
"OK. Good night, Kaylie, my dear daughter."
"Thanks mom, I really appreciate your support."
Kaylie swallowed her pills, sank down into the bed, and let out a sigh. She had succeeded in passing the aptitude and psychological assessments, there was a long journey ahead. She realized that she had been confused by what she suspected Hillary had been hinting when talking about a serious kiss. As she dosed off her hands moved slowly over her body. What would it be like to have a real girlfriend like in those stories...
Madeline and Hillary arrived after breakfast the next morning with a heavy book bag and a couple of notebooks. Madeline was clearly back in counselor and champion mode.
"There is over a month before you and Hillary go to Girl Scout Camp and it is important that you use the time to get ready for High School in the fall. You were denied all the educational enrichment that other girls received, and have a lot of catching up to do. This first notebook has a summer study plan all worked out for you. You should plan to spend at least four hours a day studying. That will still leave you plenty of time for fun.
"I also signed you up for the three-week summer math and science intensive at the High School you will be attending. Summer session will be lectures to give an introduction to advanced topics combined with working on small-group projects. You will be challenged a bit by the fast-paced academic content, but what you really need is the opportunity to work with other smart girls as a peer."
Kaylie enjoyed hearing the references to 'other girls' as a reminder of her new status. "Will you be there Hillary?"
"I'm not sure yet. There is a dance and music summer intensive at the same time."
"I really like being with you and I ... I appreciate all your support and ..."
"Kaylie, Hillary will be spending plenty of time with you this summer in any case. You need to start enlarging your social and academic circle of friends and supporters."
Ann was listening from the edge of the room and had stayed out of the conversation. "Well, why don't you girls go to Kaylie's room and chat for a while? You can start your summer homework later."
As Kaylie headed toward her room she realized that Hillary had grasped her hand. It was not like she was leading anywhere. It as just a different sort of hand holding. Kaylie turned and their eyes met for a long moment. Kaylie was about to say something but Hillary spoke first.
"We have only a few minutes before I have to go. My mind is really mixed up right now, but my mother keeps telling that is normal at the start of the teen years.
"I am going to continue to help you catch up with the rest of us girls. You, I, and Stacy can do things together between now and Scout camp. I promise. And we will be in scout camp together. That will be a lot of fun."
"You and Stacy are the only girls I have had a chance to spend time with. Remember that until late in this past school year someone named Kyle had to follow the social rules for a boy."
"I know. That is why my mother told you that your need to enlarge your circle of friends. You are nice, attractive; girls will like you."
They were standing close together. Kaylie hesitated. She wondered how to respond. Suddenly Madeline called for Hillary and the moment was over.
Each day Kaylie's recovery continued and she found that she could be more active and was even able to resume the dance stretching that Hillary had taught her. Doing the splits really hurt so soon after surgery, but Kaylie considered the pain a rite of passage. The summer study material, socializing with Hillary, and helping mother around the house filled each day. Ann and Kaylie were adapting to the new family reality. Kaylie was especially happy whenever her mother made a favorable comment about "my wonderful daughter."
Kaylie looked at her pile of summer study materials courtesy of Madeline. She had emphasized how important it was for Kaylie to use the summer wisely and learn as much as possible of the advanced science and math that she had been strictly excluded from as a boy.
A shiver went down Kaylie's spine as she recalled the events of the last year. The assertive classroom questioning by a boy named Kyle lead to discovering that a select few "special boys" could be feminized, reassigned as girls, and then be allowed to stay in school to train for a professional career instead of being sent to the male work camps. For both Kyle Clark and James Smith a life spent as a construction foreman would have been their assigned fate.
Instead, Ms. Lee had arranged for Kyle to take the eighth grade aptitude test which was normally for girls only. His outstanding scores were what belatedly identified Kyle as a "special boy" with valuable intellectual skills. Ms. Lee had told Kyle that she would be his champion and help him prepare for the comprehensive Gender and Identity psychological assessment. Months of emotional stress and effort had followed before all the official approvals were in place. Kaylie Clarke reminded herself that she was now legally a girl, she had been castrated, was now taking a feminizing dose of medically approved hormones, and was on her way to a future as a woman. Jimmy proved to be a testosterone-poisoned stereotypical male, started a fight, and had been kicked out of school after the assault incident. He threw away his chance to be a construction foreman and was likely to spend the rest of his life as a laborer.
Kaylie knew she had succeeded on the aptitude test by a combination of luck, cramming from the books that Madeline contrived to have Hillary loan her, the ability to guess the right answer without actually being able to solve the problem, and whatever native wit and cleverness she had developed. Ms. Lee kept telling Kaylie that she had incredible natural ability. Maybe that was true, but succeeding as a girl in an intensive science and math program would take hard work. Kaylie also knew that as someone who was not reassigned at the normal time she would also have to continue to prove her political reliability and commitment to feminist principles if she was ever to gain a position of responsibility.
Ms. Lee's support was continuing and Kaylie knew that she had used her professional role as Middle School counselor to get both Hillary and Kaylie admitted to the same specialty high school. The Marie Curie School for Science was considered the most selective and demanding high school in the city. Hillary had been a stellar student throughout elementary and middle school and, as expected, she had placed high on the entrance exam. The other girls who would be entering this high school class were also smart and had been taking advanced girls-only enrichment classes all along. They also had been provided extracurricular opportunities like science club, Girl Scouts, and educational field trips.
Being well aware of all the catching up she had to do, Kaylie had decided it was best to alternate between the math and other science study and literature and history reading. The social studies and humanities reading was a way to clear her mind before going back to the equations and formulas.
A key aspect of education in the Feminist Republic was to only give boys the minimum education needed for them to do low-skill manual labor or to be useful household companions for the more traditional-minded women who enjoyed having a well-controlled male around. As a boy she had not been allowed to read anything beyond carefully selected school books and mindless boy-oriented magazines. Online activity carefully monitored and was limited to homework and a highly restricted phone. Now the whole intellectual world was open to her.
She looked up at the highly political wall poster Ms. Lee had given her. Heroic women representing the Feminist Republic were arrayed in front of computer terminals doing cyberbattle with hostile forces from misogynistic foreign nations. "The Feminist Republic needs all the best science and math talent to survive in a hostile world" declared the poster banner.
The next time Hillary came for a visit Kaylie had left an book about historic and contemporary gender roles open on her desk as a conversation opener.
Hillary took the hint. "I see you have been working on all the reading my mother is sending you. What do you think about this?"
"I'm a bit confused at the moment. I know that there are good reasons, but I sometimes still question how our society treats males. Look at what happened to Jimmy. The same or worse could have happened to me too."
"Remember that everything the Feminist Republic legislates is intended to keep males from ever again regaining power. When men were in control they oppressed women, wasted soldiers lives in imperialistic wars, caused tremendous civilian hardship, and destroyed the environment with their greed. Those things are still going on beyond our borders. Just this month there was an attack on one of the Feminist governments in Europe. Look at all the desperate women and children refugees who risk everything to get across the border into our Feminist Republic every year."
"I know. I have been doing my studying. But, what is justice in all this? Is society being fair to males? "
"Look, the genius of the founders of our Feminist Republic was that they found ways to keep men contented and happy. Didn't you read in your philosophy survey about how happiness is a definition of a good life?
"Besides, our society treats men much better that misogynistic societies have treated women throughout history. The rules that are imposed are necessary, but not vengeance . Look in your history books about what life was like for women in Arabia and Afghanistan - covered head to toe, confined to the home, no formal education. Even in "modern" societies men passed laws to control women's bodies and limited their sexual and reproductive rights. Didn't you read about how the 'motherhood trap' and 'glass ceiling' that kept women from reaching top positions in their professions? And, don't get me started about date rape, revenge porn, and partner abuse. Read about what happened in North America as the religious fanatics and male supremacists became powerful and initiated the Era of Oppression.
"The Feminist Republic is just! Men are provided with socially meaningful duties and abundant pleasures for their free time. In the work camps they have access to alcohol, drugs, pornography, and stimulating toys. They are free to do what they want as long as they stay in their place. The only real restriction is that males have absolutely no access to the knowledge and technology that is the basis of real power in a contemporary society."
"Unless the male is a 'special boy' who has their balls cut off so they can stay in school," Kaylie snapped.
"You have a point there, girl. But, I think your motivation to become a girl involved more than just getting a STEM education."
"Yes, I always was jealous of you girls. The fun things you got to do with your friends, the relationships you have with your mothers, all that. You mentioned a Feminist government in Europe. Are there other Feminist Republics I haven't heard of?"
"The largest is a queen-governed feminist monarchy in what used to be the United Kingdom during the Times of Troubles. There are also a few other Feminist enclaves around the world. Our Republic tries to help them survive and prosper."
"It's all complicated. I need to do more history and sociology reading; it's on my list.
"What I am really curious about is how the women got control of this territory and created our Feminist Republic in the first place. Weren't there men living in this part of the continent during the Times of Trouble? Why did those men not cooperate with the enemy territories and fight to keep control. What happened to to all the men who were living here once the women were in charge? "
"I am sure we will study a lot about this in High School and College, Kaylie. Girls on the political and government track spend most of their time on this material. Girls like us on the science, technology, engineering, and math track spend less time on history, but still need to understand these issues to effectively support the feminist cause.
"I think there are several history books on your summer reading list. Spend some time with them, but don't try to study everything at once. "
Suddenly a voice was heard from the living room. "Let's let Kaylie do her summer school work tonight so we can all go shopping tomorrow."
The next morning Hillary was bubbling with excitement when she and Madeline arrived at Kaylie's house. "This will be exciting. My mother and I want to give you some advice on summer fashions and then help you celebrate at lunch. I think Stacy will be out shopping too and might decide to meet us. "
Mother seemed indecisive as she was getting ready to go. Madeline went back into her champion and professional counselor mode. "Ann, everything is official now. You need to be supportive and get used to doing the normal mother-daughter things that you and Kaylie have been missing."
"I know. I just need to get over my emotional guilt. I really hurt Kaylie by causing her to miss her opportunity for gender assessment back in elementary school. And I still have flashbacks about my own father and those misogynists that he associated with."
"Remember, our society has a lot of resources to support transgender girls and their families. Schedule as much counseling as you need, Ann.
"OK, girls, lets get going."
Other than all of Hillary's hand-me-downs, Kaylie had acquired only a few girl clothes of her own. The professional-looking outfit she wore for the psychological assessment had been her biggest purchase to date. Now she needed some stylish, casual summer clothes to wear when spending time with the other girls who would be in her high school class in the fall. Madeline was practical and suggested they start by making sure Kaylie had sufficient underwear.
"We need to get you fitted with a couple of bras and some more panties. I would not get too many bras today. At your stage in your transition you will soon be growing fast. I bet that by the end of summer you will be showing a nice figure without padding in the cups."
"And your current pants will be getting too tight in the butt," Hillary added.
"You will also need some sports bras. No more running around outside in just a tee shirt for you."
Kaylie smiled at the thought. Unlike previous shopping trips Ann actively helped select items and provided supportive comments and advice. It was a lot more fun to have mother finally suggest a really feminine bra with ample padding instead of the plain braletts she had gotten for Kaylie when first starting her transition.
After getting the 'foundations' they picked out some nice jeans and skirts with mix and match tops. By then it was lunch time and they headed to the food court. On the way Hillary reminded Kaylie that she also needed dancewear, sports wear, swim wear, and rugged outdoor clothes for summer camp.
"We can deal with that after lunch," Madeline advised. "Let's eat, but not to much. Girls need to watch their figures."
As the four were eating their healthful salads and diet soft drinks they noticed Stacy Miller striding toward them with her mother, Valerie, trying to keep up. Kaylie pulled back as she saw Stacy's expression.
"Well, if it isn't the Hillary and Kaylie couple!"
Hillary went on the defensive. "So what?"
"Hillary, you and I used to do everything together. You haven't been over to my house for months. I never see you anymore. You are spending all your time with Kyle, sorry, I mean Kaylie, now."
Kaylie suspected the dead naming was not accidental.
"Maybe, Hillary, you like Miss K. because you two were friends back when she was a boy not the thing he has become, and ..."
"Stacy, behave yourself!," Valerie nearly shouted. "That is not the way to treat anyone, especially one of your friends. And remember, Kaylie is not a 'thing' she is officially a girl, just like you."
Stacy took a deep breath. After a long pause she started to get misty eyed. "I am just so upset. I just have been incredibly lonely and feeling left out lately. I miss you Hillary."
"But I have been inviting you to join me and Hillary. It's summer now and we can all spend time together. OK?"
"Well, it is just that I never get any time alone with you. Just the two of us. Sometimes three is a crowd, and ..."
Kaylie looked around wondering how to defuse the situation when Madeline went back into counselor mode.
"I think it would be best if you three girls added a few more to your little clique. You are at an age when you all need to interact with as many friends as possible. And three is not a crowd unless you are getting intimate, which should wait until you are older."
Kaylie decided to try to help. "Hillary, I don't mind if you and Stacy spend some time together without me. But I think we should have fun as a group too. We did a lot of things together while I was a girl in training. Let's enjoy the summer as friends."
Hillary glanced toward Madeline. There was a long silence. It was clear that this was a growing-up situation that she would have to figure out without her mother's help.
"Stacy, if it is alright with Kaylie I will come over to your house this Wednesday. Just the two of us. But after that I really want you to start spending more time with me and Kaylie." Hillary, turned to Kaylie. "Are you OK with this?"
"I'll manage," she replied looking down at the table.
The three mothers looked at each other and decided that the girls had satisfactorily resolved their conflict. As Stacy headed off Kaylie nibbled at her food while wondering why she had made that offer. What would she do for a day without Hillary? She was a full-time girl now, but had almost no experience being outside the house without Hillary as her companion, guide, and protector. Staying inside all day did not seem like a good way to spend her first summer as a female.
That evening Kaylie slacked on her summer school textbooks and spent a couple of hours reading romance fiction. The stories of other girls struggling with relationships seemed particularly engaging at the moment. After a while her mind started to wander and she thought about Hillary. Hillary had been a childhood friend, and she had continued to be nice to Kyle when they reached the age where girls stopped openly associating with boys at school. Once Madeline had become Kyle's advocate for gender reassignment Hillary had assumed the role of a personal tutor. But there were times when it was clear that Hillary was not just doing this because it was what her mother had asked. It seemed like she was a real friend.
Kaylie took out her ID card and looked at the "Female" gender marker. It had been a long journey since she discovered that special boys could be reassigned as girls. It was only a few weeks since it became official and she was still adjusting. She got up and stood in front of her mirror and admired the reflection of a somewhat attractive almost teen girl. Her hair was still shorter than most of her friends. She was disappointed that had not started to develop a figure, but was confident that it was only a matter of time. At least the swelling and soreness 'down there' from the surgery was over she thought with relief.
Her thoughts went back to Hillary. Was it possible that they were becoming more than just casual friends? Did Hillary like her? Kaylie hesitated. She looked up at the list of resolutions she had neatly written in a pink pen and taped to her wall. Yes, it was time to quit daydreaming and get working on her summer goals.
Suddenly she plopped down in the chair in front of her desk and picked up one of her history books and turned to the section on the Era of Oppression. Kaylie already had a general idea of how social and technological trends during those times lead to the men's ultimate downfall, but tonight she decided to dig into some details. As she skimmed the introduction she was reminded of the reasons why women wanted to resist the patriarchy. It was disgusting to read about how women were treated back then by men who considered their privilege and social dominance to be the natural order of things.
The chapter on 'Technology and the Feminist Resistance' began by explaining that designing the hardware and software behind technological devices had always been hard work that required years of focused study in multiple fields. However, even before the Era of Oppression high school boys became more and more interested in mindless electronic entertainment and sports and they stopped making the effort needed to study demanding subjects. As time went on the college enrollment reflected these changes. Females first became the majority of college students overall, and then they became the vast majority of students in science and technology fields. The gender shift in academic paths increased female representation in engineering and computer science careers where smart women worked under the incompetent supervision of male managers.
It was easy for 'men in suits' with management titles to demand long lists of innovations in each new generation of mobile phones, home automation devices, 'smart' appliances, self-guiding vehicles for consumers, automated machinery for industry, and the surveillance drones and target-detecting weapons for the police and military. But, due to their lack of math and science background it became impossible for these managers to understand the details of the technology being used to implement their ideas. To them that was 'women's work' and below their dignity.
During the Era of Oppression a network of equality-focused Feminist organizations developed that encouraged women to address their oppression and envision ways to create a better society. The Feminists were fully aware of social trends as the family-level abuse of women expanded into institutionalized national policy. With time the Feminist secret societies moved from consciousness raising to outright opposition to the whole idea of patriarchy. The activities of these Feminist secret societies remained undercover by presenting the unthreatening public image of being frivolous social gatherings. The groups had names like 'Ladies Literary Club' or 'The Dance and Music Society' to conceal their real purpose.
As the secret societies began active opposition to the oppressive patriarchy women realized that they could weaponize their knowledge of modern computer-based technology. Activist women who were responsible for essential technology in their workplaces became dedicated guerilla fighters for the Feminist cause. At great personal risk they began planning for the day when the only answer would be to be to resist the patriarchy with an organized Feminist force.
The Feminist Secret societies knew that they could not to fight on male terms based on battlefield courage and strength. Instead, these women began clandestinely developing cyberweapons aimed at lists of targets, both human and technological. Computer networking had become a total black-box to nearly all males, and it was easy to develop back channels that allowed scanning of the streams of business and personal data. Female programmers devoted nights and weekends to developing algorithms to mine this data for strategic purposes while telling their fathers and husbands that they had been 'reading poetry' or 'playing music' with the other girls.
While the male 'marketing managers' had been sitting in conference rooms talking about how to monetize the steams of user personal data the Feminists had been developing software to militarize the same data. They were able to compile detailed dossiers on every misogynist ranked by vulnerability and importance.
For the lazy, incompetent, misogynistic men the 'Internet of Things' proved to be their ultimate vulnerability. Virtually every piece of modern equipment contained computer chips that communicated wirelessly with other devices. This ranged from automated factories and power plants to airplanes, mass transportation systems, self-driving cars, household appliances, phones, computer tablets, even the smart speakers in their homes. Men and boys were content to deal with the so-called user-friendly interface of their devices and never thought about what was happening inside. Meanwhile, the women who dominated both software and hardware engineering were becoming more and more familiar with the intricacies of every technology from imbedded software to global networking.
A few traditionalist-minded computer scientists had warned the male leadership that modern civilization was vulnerable to attacks in cyberspace, but because these warnings came from women, the patriarchy paid no attention. Over the decades female engineers and programmers honed their skills by defending against the Russian and Chinese international enemies who engaged in commercial spying and made ransomware hacks into vulnerable computer systems. In the process of developing defenses these brilliant women associated with the Feminist Secret Societies became world-class experts at cyberwarfare.
While the male marketing managers and financiers were dreaming about an Internet of Things as a business opportunity the feminist programmers and engineers were planting extra code in the software and extra logic circuits in the firmware chips that would someday enable them to take control of these myriad devices at will.
The Feminists gradually developed more and more innovative strategies and eventually were routinely hacking into even the most secure systems. As the years went on there were almost no males who were able to understand what was going on at the front lines of science and engineering, and it became easier and easier for women to conceal their accelerating efforts to weaponize high tech.
The history book continued with several more long chapters describing the activities of the Feminist secret societies once they became open centers of resistance during the Times of Trouble. Kaylie was really curious about the battles that happened when the misogynist regions attempted to control the feminist territories by force. But, going into that seemed too much for tonight. Stressed by what she had been reading Kaylie decided it was time to get some sleep.
Kaylie was feeling lonely and jealous as she got dressed for breakfast on Wednesday morning. As usual she checked her chest looking front and profile to see if she was starting to show breasts. Not much yet, but soon, she thought as she took her morning hormone pill.
"What are you going to do this morning, dear?"
Kaylie looked up from her weight-watching light breakfast. "I think I will read for a while then put on a nice outfit and take a walk down to the park and back. Ms. Lee says I need to get used to being outside alone. Might as well get started."
"Remember that girls look people in the eye, even strangers, and smile; no looking down or away like boys are taught to do when encountering women. Rules for girls are different, and this summer is the time to start experiencing your new social role and freedoms."
"I know. Thanks for supporting me."
Ann smiled. But Kaylie thought the reaction still looked forced. She had learned knew that her mother had a lot of emotional baggage about sex and gender from her childhood. Yes, grandfather had been a horrid misogynist, but what was still bothering Mother now?
Kaylie headed to her room and grabbed a math book and began her summer homework morning session. She was a fast learner, but still occasionally struggled because of the years when she had been restricted in what she could study solely because she had been born male. After a couple of hours she decided she was ready to go outside.
As a boy she never gave much thought to clothes, but now she carefully considered every choice of her appearance. For today she wanted to play it safe: a pair of casual jeans, a plain loose-fitting blouse, and a low ponytail. Something totally ordinary that any girl could wear without attracting attention. Jimmy had been sent to a work camp, but the neighborhood still had a lot of younger boys around who might remember her as Kyle from the middle school. Nervously she gave everything a last check and headed toward the front door.
"Mom, I am going to walk down to Riverside Park and then take the nature trail back."
"Be safe, dear."
Kaylie started down the street fully aware that this was her first time out in public alone and without the protection of either her mother, Madeline, or Hillary. She reminded herself that many of the male-restricting laws of the Feminist Republic were intended to make the streets and all other public places safe for females day and night. Still she was reassured by knowing that she had an emergency alarm and pepper spray in the outside compartment of her shoulder bag.
The route to Riverside Park was on a wide sidewalk along a fairly busy scenic parkway. The day was warm, and the street was noisy as the cars hurried past. A few women and small children walking the other direction passed Kaylie without taking any notice. Then she noticed a group of boys were loitering on the curb far ahead. She decided to use the crosswalk and go to the other side of the street. She did not recognize them, and they likely did not know her either, but avoiding proximity seemed the safest choice. After walking a few more blocks past them she crossed back and continued to the nature trail entrance.
The nature trail was a narrow gravel path that wandered through the trees along the river and eventually looped back to the street. The shimmering light of the sun filtering through the vegetation and the sound of the small rapids and whirlpools were relaxing. On the other hand the shrubs close to the trail blocked a full view of what was ahead. Kaylie jumped at a sound and then laughed that she had been startled by a squirrel. Reaching a large clearing Kaylie sat down on a log bench to rest and meditate. So much had happened in the past few months and she still needed to occasionally reassure herself that she was now a girl. She had successfully demonstrated her eligibility for gender reassignment, and Dr Taylor had performed the initial bottom surgery two days after the psychologists signed off on everything. Her official counselor and personal champion, Madeline Lee, had warned her that High School was an emotionally trying time for all girls, and that she needed to not get stressed out by academic, social, romantic, and body image issues. The upcoming summer program promised to be intense and demanding. And, once High School started she knew that she needed to continue to focus because academics were her pathway to a professional career. She thought for a moment about her past schooling as the male who no longer existed and quickly put that memory aside. She was now free to study topics that were forbidden to boys.
Kaylie sat back, enjoyed the peaceful setting and listened to the sounds of nature for a while longer. She knew that she needed to start maturing in her new female role. When her transition started she had often caught herself thinking or acting boyishly from force of habit, but rarely now. She remembered how Jimmy would often drag the boy Kyle off on a random exploration or mischievous prank that broke the rules. She knew now how stupid that was and resolved to never, never let herself act like a boy again. Still, as a boy she had never been afraid to go into the woods or a deserted building. Today, taking the nature trail alone as a girl seemed an intimidating experience. She knew that she needed to start maturing in her new female role.
The darkness among the trees make her recall her history reading about social conditions before the Great Cultural Transformation. It was a time when domestic violence, date rape, and harassment by random males was a constant concern for women. Rallies to "take back the night" were a feeble protest in face of the entrenched misogyny and the sense of male entitlement. She also remembered stories of how transgender girls were harassed, assaulted, and even murdered. Kaylie decided that the grim events during the Era of Oppression were not something to be thinking about on a solo walk on a lightly used trail. Maybe she it was time to head home.
She got up from the bench, looked around cautiously, and hurried along the rest of the trail. She breathed a sigh of relief as she emerged from the dark, forested streamside trail and started along the major street leading toward home.
She noticed a somewhat familiar car race by, then noticed that the car slowed and turned at the corner ahead. She had not seen who was in it due to the glare of the sun on the windows as it passed. Moments later she was aware that the car had gone around the block and was approaching again more slowly. This did not look good.
Kaylie starts experiencing a wider range of relationships and earns more about how the Feminists used technology to defeat the patriarchy.. At the summer science intensive Kaylie meets another Special Boy who experienced a different transition path.
Kaylie was on high alert as the car came to a stop at the curb beside her. This had been her first long walk outside and alone as a girl without the support of Hillary, Ms. Lee, or Mother. She knew, from both sides, that the Feminist Republic had strict laws and social rules to protect females from harassment by aggressive men and boys, but incidents still happened. She looked straight ahead and started walking more quickly. Remembering that running only encouraged predators she slowed down a bit and tried to appear calm and in control while reaching into her shoulder bag for the self-defense spray that Mother said all teen girls should carry.
"Kaylie, Kaylie, I want to talk with you," a distinctly feminine voice called out from behind her. "Kaylie, it's me, Pamela. Pamela Leland, from school."
Kaylie stopped, took a deep breath, and turned toward the voice. "Hello, ... Pam," she replied slowly. "I was not sure who it was in that car."
"I didn't mean to frighten you. I saw you walking as my mother drove past and I asked her to turn around so I could get out and talk to you. What's up? Where are you going?"
"I just took a walk on the nature trail and was heading back home. Hillary was busy today so I had to go out alone, and ... and the experience was new and I was a bit nervous. When the car turned around and came back I was afraid it might be some boys who recognized me, and ..."
"I understand. It never hurts for a girl to be cautious about strangers. But, the car was a civilian vehicle driving on a parkway. You know that males without a female escort are only allowed to drive clearly marked construction and delivery trucks and only on designated commercial routes. And they can only drive at times that are directly related to their work. Males cannot casually cruise around in neighborhoods like they did during the Era of Oppression. All vehicles licensed in the Feminist Republic have driver ID software and GPS-based guidance systems to prevent any inappropriate use. If they tried something illegal the car would automatically stop and lock the doors on them. Besides, all the Middle School boys who knew you at school are still to young to drive, and most of the older boys from this neighborhood are already off living in work camps."
"You're right. I should have thought about that. Ms. Lee keeps reminding me that the Feminist Republic has made the world safe for girls and women.
"Sorry that I thought you were a threat. My mistake. So, why did you stop?"
"I have a lot I want to talk to you about. How about if I tell my Mother I am going to walk with you to your house? It's a nice day to be outside."
"OK, I guess. It would be nice to get to know you better. Right now all I know is that you are smart, were the popular leader of a clique at school, and you defended me in front of your friends that day in the lunchroom."
"Actually, I recall that I defended a cute boy named Kyle. And that day I said that I thought Kyle would make a wonderful girl. Didn't I? And I think I was totally right, Kaylie. What you have done in the last few months was awesome."
"I try not to think about my dead name anymore. Those were tough years when I had to live as a boy. I wish I had been reassigned as a girl much younger and ..." Kaylie started to choke up.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I want to help you make friends and enjoy this summer as a girl. I saw how Hillary and Stacy supported you when you were getting ready for your big assessment. I apologize for not supporting you before school got out. I guess your situation being a boy at school and a girl-in-training the rest of the time was awkward for both of us.
"Let me tell my mother to go. Then we can talk more."
Kaylie waited while Pamela talked to her Mother. That gave her time to think about the unexpected opportunity to make a new friend. "Let's go the long way to my house. If you have enough time, that is. We can go back to the nature trail, cross the foot bridge at 10th street and then take 10th to Riverside Drive. The woods will not feel so intimidating with you along."
"Sure. That sounds like fun."
The two girls waved goodbye as Pamela's mother drove off and then headed back toward the nature trail. At first the conversation was limited to remarks about the day and the scenery separated by long silences. Eventually both became more talkative and inquisitive.
"So, what made you interested in talking to me today?"
"I have been really curious about your story ever since that day in the lunch room. You stood your ground when you were being harassed. You openly declared that you were trying to become a girl and that Hillary was helping you prepare for a big assessment. I knew right then that you were someone special, and decided that I wanted to get to know you better."
Kaylie pondered for a while. "What do you mean by 'special'?"
"I guess I meant special meaning someone interesting and fun to be with. But I also know how the teachers and counselors use the term 'Special Boy' to describe the very intelligent boys who are selected to be reassigned as girls so that society can benefit from their science and math talents. The last week of school Ms. Lee arranged for the girls in our class to attend an optional talk about your situation. I went and dragged a few of my friends along. I think 'special boy' really fits you."
"Yeah." Kaylie said with a bit of hesitation.
"But I also think you are special as a girl who is fun to be around. Hillary and Stacy seem to be your only friends, but I would like to become your friend too."
Kaylie thought about her jealousy because Hillary and Stacy were off together without her today. What did Pamela mean by her remark? "Being friends would be nice," she answered softly.
"I heard from Stacy that your mother had prevented you from being assessed back in elementary school. You really missed out on a lot of middle school girl experiences because of that. I am happy that you were finally assessed and approved for.. "
Kaylie looked off into the distance. "I really don't want to talk about my assessment and reassignment right now. Maybe once we get to know each other better. OK?"
"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset. I just want to focus on my future. There is so much for me to learn before school starts again in the fall.
"Let's talk about something else. Pam, what are you doing this summer?"
"Starting next week I am going to the Math and Computers Intensive that the Marie Curie High School is sponsoring for incoming students. And after that I am going to Girl Scout Camp. Hillary and Stacy are active in Girl Scouts and I as sure that they are going. Are you signed up too?"
Kaylie smiled. "Of course am I going to Girl Scout camp. Hillary and her mother got me signed up almost as soon as I got my new official ID card.
"But, I am also signed up for the Math and Computers Intensive. Ms. Lee, I still keep calling Hillary's mother that, told me that the intensive was the best way to prepare for my academic classes in the fall. So, I guess we will be doing the same things for the next few weeks."
"I will be nice being with you at the intensive and at camp. I am really looking forward to it. Will Hillary be at the intensive too?"
"No, her mother wants her to go to a dance and fine arts intensive before Girl Scout camp. Stacy is still deciding what to do with the summer."
"Well, I don't mind if you and I are at the intensive together without Hillary and Stacy," she said as she gently touched Kaylie's hand.
Kaylie did not know how to respond. This conversation was starting to sound like one of the love triangles that were the plot of many stories in the teen romance magazines and novels that she had been encouraged to read as part of her feminine socialization.
"It will be nice having someone I know at the intensive. I have been told that girls come from all the Middle Schools in the city. The intensive really emphasizes collaborative learning and I was concerned about finding someone from this neighborhood to study with. I never got a chance to really get to know any of the academic stars in our Middle School since I was excluded from all of the more advanced classes."
"Kaylie, I will be your friend and will help you the best I can. We will have a fun summer together."
Their eyes met, then Kaylie look down. "We can be just friends, not girlfriends if you know what I mean.
"We are almost to the 10th Street bridge. I guess we took more time on the nature trail than I expected. But I have enjoyed it."
The two girls picked up their pace as they headed back toward their home neighborhood. The conversation drifted from topic to topic: clothes, makeup, upcoming summer events, the start of high school in the fall, and more.
"Well, this is the corner where the way to my house goes one direction and your house is the other. Shall we plan to get together again soon?
Kaylie turned to face Pamela then reached out and lightly took both of her hands at arms length. "Thanks for spending so much time talking with me this afternoon. I am still learning how to be a girl and you have given me a lot of good advice today.
"I know you are curious about my gender reassignment. I promise I will tell you all the gory details sometime. I just was not ready for that right now. Bye."
A few hours later Kaylie put down her 'A First Introduction to Computer Algorithms' book and stared out the window. Normally she stayed up late working through the massive summer reading plan that Madeline Lee had emphasized was important for High School preparation. But tonight neither hard science nor social studies nor even romance fiction appealed. Computer algorithms seemed the least appealing. It all seemed so abstract and loaded with unfamiliar jargon. Besides, all through Middle School Kaylie had been under the constraints applied to males and this meant absolutely, absolutely no access to anything but the high-level interface on devices that had multiple levels of access controls. She had never had any exposure to even the most basic computer programming.
Kaylie though about what was ahead. The summer science intensive. was starting on Monday and Kaylie would be there while her absolutely best friends, Hillary and Stacy, would be at the Fine Arts Summer Intensive. Her new friend, Pamela Lee, would be the only girl she already knew before the intensive started. She would be on her own and would need to find her way onto the work teams and into study groups. Kaylie had been struggling for months to catch up but she knew she was still far behind the honors section girls her age. All her middle school years had been a time of low-level classes considered suitable for boys and she had been denied access to the library, unrestricted internet browsers, honors-level courses, and enrichment clubs.
She started thinking about the adults in her life. Maybe Ms. Lee had planned this summer arrangement for a purpose. Hillary was on a science track and could have benefited from the intensive, but she loved dance and the arts too. Forcing Kaylie to be in an academic program without her Middle School friends might have been a part of the female socialization that Ms. Lee emphasized was so essential.
Kaylie and Ann Clark were becoming more and more a mother and daughter team, but there still was tension. Kaylie had to struggle to suppress her resentment over the fact that Mother had prevented her from being assessed way back in third grade. Her life would have been so much different now if she had been identified as a 'Special Boy' back then and had been started on the path to gender assignment when she was younger. She knew that she had missed out on a lot by not growing up as one of the girls. But Kaylie had been told many times that her mother had repressed emotions resulting from her own upbringing by a domineering, patriarchal father. Ann's attitude to the whole idea of gender reassignment for boys and been confused and inconsistent all along. Eventually Kaylie acknowledged that she and Mother both now have childhood hang-ups to work through. With a sigh she tried to get back to her studying.
Her mind wandered and she started wondering if there was anything to the fact that Hillary and Stacy were both going to the Fine Arts Intensive. Probably not, but for some reason that still bothered her. Maybe I have been reading too much about love triangles in teen romances, she thought. Feeling exhausted she decided it was time for bed.
Science Intensive
"Are you looking forward to your first day at the the summer intensive?" Ann asked over breakfast.
"I guess so. It will be tough at first not knowing any of the other girls, except for Pamela."
"Meeting people and making friends your age is important. It will be good for you both socially and academically. Hurry up, and get dressed. You know it will take you a while to walk to the school and it would be good to be there early."
Kaylie went back to her room, dropped her robe, and very deliberately got dressed in a just-below-the -knee length dark skirt and a solid color blouse that she had selected the night before. She brushed her still somewhat short hair, applied an almost invisible touch of makeup, and decided she was ready. The understated very proper school-girl look was exactly what she wanted for the occasion.
The summer science intensive was being held at the Marie Curie High School of Science, which was about a half hour walk for Kaylie. Mother insisted that she plan to walk each day saying the exercise would be good for her. The day was sunny and she arrived a bit overheated. She saw a bench in the shade of a tree and plopped down and closed her eyes to meditate for a few moments.
"Hi, mind if I join you?"
Kaylie looked up and saw an unfamiliar girl standing in front of her. She had an attractive, but angular face, a bit tall, and had a stocky build. She was very attractively dressed in a summery but somewhat formal skirt and blouse.
"Please sit down. My name is Kaylie Clark, and yours?"
"Patricia Ruhr," she replied with a smile. "I wanted to meet you and I am glad I got a chance before our first session today."
"You wanted to meet me? Why? I don't think we know each other."
"We haven't met before, but I heard about you. Aren't you the person who managed to pass the assessment for gender reassignment at the very end of Middle School?"
"Maybe, is that any of your business?," Kaylie snapped then immediately regretted her remark.
Patricia sat down and turned toward Kaylie with a serious look. "We have something in common, Kaylie. I was also a boy once. I know what you are going through, and I want to support you."
Kaylie gasped.
Kaylie had been in high anxiety for weeks about attending the summer science intensive and she suspected that Ms. Madeline had arranged for Hillary to be elsewhere because it would force Kaylie to start meeting new people and making friends as a girl. She had not expected that the first girl she would meet at the intensive would be another 'Special Boy.'
"I .. I don't know what to say. I have never met someone else who openly identified as a reassigned boy and ... I mean who was reassigned as girl and ... I mean a girl like me. "
"That's OK. Just remember people like us are 'girls' first and foremost. Anything about our social and biological gender in the past is only relevant if we want to talk about it."
"Thanks. Looking at you I would have never guessed what you just told me about yourself."
"Well, I will give you one hint. Those like us who have been reassigned as girls are always especially conscious about our appearance and presentation while avoiding any extreme looks. Whenever you see a girl who always looks like a future professional, even when other girls are not, there is a good chance she was once a 'Special Boy' who is somewhere along in her transition." Kaylie looked around and realized that she and Patricia were the only ones dressed in 'school girl proper.' It was obvious that most girls had taken advantage of the lack of a dress code and had come to the intensive wearing casual summer sportswear and were showing lots of skin.
Just then the bell rang. Kaylie and Patricia got up from the bench and walked together up the steps into the building. As the neared the door a dark-haired girl wearing high-top boots, really stretchy tights and a crop-top cut in front of them almost bumping into Patricia and definitely blocking Kaylie's way.
"Don't mind her. Her name is Nancy Black, and 'black' really fits the way she dresses. Always some version of self-centered gothic punk rebel. She has an opinion about everything and is convinced that she is the only one who is ever right." Pat looked at Kaylie. "I shouldn't say things like that, but you will see for yourself in the next few days. Her latest thing is to declare that her last name is racist and we should call her Nancy B. Let's get to our classroom."
When they arrived the room was already nearly full but they found two empty desks near the back. Looking around Kaylie saw Pam Leland up near the front, reading in a book. Kaylie noticed that Nancy B was also in the class. Unlike most of the other girls Nancy was not reading; she was scanning the room like she was looking for someone.
The instructor was an older girl who was bubbling with excitement about being able to lead a math class as part of her college-preparation program. Her attitude immediately brought all the girls to full attention and set the mood for the morning.
"Today we are going to start a week-long session on the absolutely classic text 'Euclid's Elements' which was the most important mathematical textbook used by students for centuries. The language is archaic and the illustrations are crude compared to modern computer-drawn graphics, but learning to find your through primary material is a vital part of your education. You all will have seen much of this in simplified form intended for average Middle School students. But you girls are here because you are going to be attending a science-focused High School in the fall and are being trained for high-level professions in STEM fields. We will be emphasizing rigorous, step-by-step proofs building the entire field of plane geometry from five basic postulates. This is serious training in abstract mathematical reasoning and logic, and is essential for your intellectual development. Let's get started."
Kaylie opened the book that had been handed out and quickly scanned the first few pages. Her innate speed reading ability had been her salvation while cramming for the assessment leading to her gender reassignment but this writing style was different and one needed to keep going between the concise text and the diagrams. Some of the material on lengths and angles, and laying out geometric shapes with a compass and straight edge looked familiar from the construction trade classes she had taken as a boy, but the logical approach was new.
The instructor was trying to motivate the class. "This classic book was central to the curriculum studied in patriarchal Western Europe by BOYS for centuries, from the Middle Ages through the Industrial Revolution. Back then girls were not given an education that would prepare them for the universities. Much later, girls were allowed to attend school but were still expected to become wives and homemakers, not scholars. When aptitude tests were invented boys always scored better than girls on things like logical reasoning and the graphical shape, length, and angle problems. Men claimed that this showed that males were innately better at technical subjects. This was NONSENSE! The difference was that boys had studied geometry and girls had not. Now we make sure that only GIRLS learn this material and boys are strictly prevented from learning advanced math. Well, actually our society allows a few Special Boys to learn math and science as long as they agree to made into girls."
It seemed that the instructor's remark had been directed right at Kaylie and Patricia. A slight giggle went around the room. Kaylie looked up and noticed Nancy B staring at Patricia with an icy look.
There was no time to worry about gender-related remarks as the instructor immediately started filling the blackboard with problems and proofs, and all of Kaylie's attention needed to be on the work at hand. Every few minutes there would be a shift from mini-lectures to individual problem solving.
Kaylie quickly got the idea. Identify the known information, make deductions from the basic postulates and from the theorems that had already been proven, conclude that what was to be shown followed logically step by step, and then end the proof with the abbreviation 'QED.' Keeping up became easier as the morning went on, but it was still an exhausting experience. Finally the geometry class was over for the first day. She put away her notes and text and followed Pat toward the door. It was lunch time and Kaylie and Pat were greeted by Pamela in the hallway.
"Hi, Pam. This is Patricia Ruhr, we just met this morning. Pat, this is Pamela Leland, someone I sort of knew in Middle School."
There was a quick exchange of 'Nice to meet you,' followed by a moment of awkwardness. Pam and Pat were both looking at Kaylie then at each other and back to Kaylie again. No one wanted to be the next to speak.
Kaylie realized what the problem was. "Pamela knew me when I was still a boy in Middle School. Patricia heard a little about what I went through in the past year so she knows my background too."
Kaylie looked at Pat. It's your turn, she thought.
"OK. This morning I told Kaylie that I was identified as a 'Special Boy' back in elementary school. I have been living as a girl ever since.
"Now our secrets are out between us girls, but let's not make big deal about it to the others who are here. Legally and academically Kaylie and I are girls, 100% girls. How we became eligible to attend this summer intensive is none of their business." Patricia ended emphatically.
Pam was standing in a relaxed pose with her hand on her hip. "I wasn't very nice to Kaylie back in Middle School and I am sorry about that. But that's all past. After school got out I told Kaylie that I was going to support her, and I mean it. She had only two close girl friends during her transition, and neither one is attending this science intensive. She told me that she is a bit uneasy about that."
"It was hard for me to transition even though I started much younger. I can hardly imagine what it must have been like to go through school under all the male restrictions and then get approved for reassignment the summer before High School."
"Yes. One hurdle after another. Being allowed to take the aptitude test that I would never have survived without Hillary getting in 'good trouble' by loaning me unapproved books. Then months of intense socialization as a girl at home while still being legally a boy at school. I still feel so far behind everyone else socially and academically."
"Well, I am going to be on your support team for the next three weeks."
"Me too."
"Thanks. Thanks to both of you."
"We better get through the lunch line and find a table. We all need a break and some food. I heard the afternoon is going to be even harder than this morning was."
As they went through the line Kaylie picked up a fruit and salad plate and a drink, skipping the temptation of potato chips or dessert. She noticed a completely empty table by the window and headed there followed by her friends. She noticed that Pam was also watching calories, but Pat seemed to have a big appetite.
"Well Kaylie, how do you feel about your first morning in a math classroom with honors-student level girls?" Pat asked with a sly smile.
"I have never had to concentrate as much as I did this morning. But I think I am enjoying it. The math that I was allowed to take in Middle School was so lame."
Pat leaned forward so that other tables would not hear. "Well, welcome to the world of Special Boys. The reason we are being feminized is because the teachers and counselors decided we have the potential to reach the top levels of science and math. We are continually being assessed and need to surpass even the very smartest biological girls. I have been dealing with this for years. You will catch up and get used to it."
"Remember the payoff of being a woman when you grow up," Patricia added.
"And don't forget what happens to boys who start being feminized but then don't measure up academically. If they are lucky they get a position as a caregiver or household domestic, if not then ..."
"I know, the work camps are totally macho and are extremely dangerous. Especially for someone who has any effeminate traits."
Pamela decided to change the topic. "So, Kaylie, now you see what you were missing while I was in the girls-only enrichment programs and honors classes, and you were taking the easy classes with the boys and remedial-track girls."
"I hated being with the boys and was always jealous of girls like you and Hillary and Stacy. I would hear the boys talk about how happy they were that they did not have to take any hard classes like the girls. Boys thought it was great that they got to spend most of their short school day goofing off then playing video games and sports while the girls had to study then do extracurricular activities in the afternoon and evening."
"Did you ever hear any boys complain that they couldn't study things like math?", Patricia cut in.
"No."
"Did you ever hear other boys complain about not being able to train for science, technology, engineering, math, medicine, and computer science careers?"
"No. If they talked about things like that at all they would say that those fields were too hard and took too many years of school. Nearly all boys were happy to get out of school as soon as they could. The only reason I was allowed to complete eighth grade was that I was on a construction foreman training track."
Feminist History
"You have a much better future available to you now. Like I said though, you need to keep proving yourself worthy. Total loyalty to feminism. Outstanding ability to use technology to advance the feminist cause. What do you think about all that?"
"I have a big question that has been bothering me. I know that the Feminists triumphed during the Times of Trouble by using technology. But why were the males so vulnerable? I really have never understood what happened that allowed the women to gain control over the men after thousands of years of patriarchy."
"I remember hearing in Political History class that boys had been falling behind the girls academically for decades," Pamela remarked. "We read that back during the Era of Oppression men avoided the hard majors in college. They believed that as men they were entitled to success and did not need strive. Men either went into 'high prestige' white-collar careers in business management, marketing, financial trading, and other types of wheeling and dealing, or else made a blue-collar living mindlessly tending highly automated production equipment,"
"Pam, I would say that male reluctance to work hard in academics was the biggest reason that the women were able to take control during the Times of Trouble. Kaylie, political history was another topic you were not allowed to study as a boy. That knowledge is too dangerous for males to learn."
Pat leaned forward. "As a girl you will be able to study all this in your High School history classes, and but let me give you a quick version right now if Pam doesn't mind. Like all Special Boys going through the normal transition program I had to attend evening and weekend training sessions to build our feminine identity and ensure we would grow up politically reliable. There was a group of us from different schools who would show up and act like 'good girls' while we read, took tests, watched videos, and did role-playing exercises until the history and ideals of the Feminist Republic were firmly planted in our minds."
"It sounds like brainwashing," Pam remarked.
"It was, but let me tell the highlights of the story.
"Before the beginning of agriculture most human societies were matriarchal. The women knew the foods to gather, the medicinal herbs, the skills to maintain camp and get through the winter, and most importantly produced the babies. Religion was centered on the idea of a Mother Goddess. Men hunted, fought other tribes, and considered themselves important, but only survived because of their mothers, sisters, and wives.
" The brute physical strength and aggressiveness of the males became more important with the beginning of agriculture and the founding of city-states and empires. It was more productive for the men to raid a nearby community, steal their food, and enslave their children than for the women to gather the fruits of the forest as they had done for generations. This pattern of male-dominated society became more and more prevalent. As so-called civilization evolved the male-dominated social structure focused on materialism and exploitation of weaker groups. The warlords and chieftans used both large-scale war and small-scale domestic violence to insure their position as an elite patriarchy.
"The industrial revolution diminished the importance of physical strength, but males used their long-time privilege to give themselves preferred access to the education needed to deal with the new technologies. Eventually, though, men became less and less interested in doing intellectually demanding work. As the economy and society shifted in the late twentieth century men lost out. Male unemployment increased as jobs in ranching, logging, mining, and manufacturing disappeared. Meanwhile jobs increased in traditional 'women's work' like nursing and teaching. The men retreated to what they saw as appropriate male activities: watching sports, engaging in fights and other physical contests, playing violent video games, and getting drunk while socially bonding with their buddies. Striving academically ceased being a male activity.
Kaylie, remember what you said about your male classmates being glad they did not have to tale the hard classes like the girls?"
"Yeah, Pat, that was pretty much the attitude."
"Well, that trend continued for decades. The men who went to college took easy courses like descriptive 'rocks for jocks' geology as their 'science' and majored in easy but high-prestige majors like recreation and leisure, finance, marketing strategy, and business management. The looked forward to careers sitting in conference rooms doing wheeling and dealing while telling each other how important they were.
"Meanwhile the females, called 'girls' by men even when they were adult women, took the hard courses all through high school and then majored in STEM fields like physics, chemistry, engineering, mathematics, and computer science. After graduation they moved into both important applied positions like medicine and design engineering and the fundamental research and development positions that provided the foundation for a knowledge economy.
"It became rare to find a male who could troubleshoot an electronic circuit or debug a piece of software code. With each decade men became more and more fat, dumb, and lazy."
"And disgusting," Pam quipped.
"Meanwhile, the women took over more and more of the essential jobs that were needed to sustain a modern technological society. They were underpaid compared to men because males were uncomfortable having their wives earn more than them. They endured social restrictions and male violence because men dominated the legislatures, the courts, and the police.
"The patriarchal leaders and their enforcers, both civilian police and the military, thought of future conflicts in traditional terms of guns and planes and armored tanks with waving flags and massed troops. Training emphasized hand-to-hand combat and 'joy-stick control' of weapons platforms. However, with modern technology this type of hardware became more and more obsolete.
"When conflict started during the Time of Troubles the Feminists unleashed devastating cyber counterattacks. This is how the women seized control of the patch of territory that is now the Feminist Republic of Pacifica and a few other enclaves around the world."
"This sounds too easy. Didn't the men have any way to fight back?"
"I gave you a really condensed version, Kaylie. I covered nearly a century of social, technological, and political change while you were eating your salad. I left out the years of growing Feminist consciousness, the waves of Feminist political activity, the secret Feminist organizations, the extensive preparations the Feminist leaders made for the conflict that they knew was coming, the weapons they embedded in software applications and in circuit chips, and lots more."
Pat glanced at the wall clock. "We can talk about this more some other time. Besides you will get all this information again in the historical and political orientation sessions that are a required for all of us Special Boys attending science intensives. If you haven't figured out yet, Special Boys always get an extra level of scrutiny no matter how long ago they were reassigned.
"We better get going back to class."
As she headed to the afternoon session Kaylie thought about what Pat Ruhr had just told her. Now the strict Feminist Republic restrictions on boys learning technology started making a little more sense. All through Middle School she had been frustrated by the prohibitions on reading advanced books, using the library, internet and computer access, and so much more. She always wondered what the girls were doing in the honors section classes and extracurricular enrichment activities, and was very, very jealous. The social studies reading the Ms. Lee had given her when she was cramming for the big psychological, political, and identity assessment emphasized historical facts and events, but had not gone deeply into why social trends happened.
Brainpower and control of technology had been the key to the Feminist victory that lead to the creation of the Feminist Republic of Pacifica. Now the strict restriction on the education of males was being used as a way to insure continued female dominance.
She had been close friends with Hillary and a few other girls in Elementary School but they had been forced apart as they grew older because the teachers and parents started enforcing rules preventing boys from socializing with girls. School had been lonely, very lonely. The things other boys did not interest the boy dead named Kyle, and contact with the girls had been cut off. Passing the assessment and being approved to be reassigned as a girl had been the most wonderful day of her life. She was way behind the normal treatment schedule because she had not started on her gender reassignment at the normal time. She remembered that her mother had kept Kyle at home the day of the scheduled assessment in elementary school.
Gender reassignment of selected boys was now an institutionalized practice and widely accepted within the Feminist Republic. Of course feminization of males was totally rejected by the surrounding misogynistic countries. Even within the Feminist Republic there were traditionalist groups and religious cults that expressed objections to gender change.
Then there was the matter of personal choice. Pat Ruhr was the first Special Boy her age that she had met, and Pat seemed like a much less girly-girl than Kaylie considered herself. She had embraced feminization for both social and intellectual reasons. As she approached the classroom she wondered if every Special Boy was as enthusiastic about castration as she had been.
The afternoon session was focused on algebra, formal logic, and pre-calculus. Fortunately Kaylie had studied some of this while cramming for the assessment and had done more self-study following Ms. Lee's suggestions. Well, it had been more than suggestions. Ms. Lee had emphasized how important it was for Kaylie to catch up with the other girls and be clearly eligible for honors-level work each year in High School. As a 'Special Boy' her social status and career prospects were totally dependent on intellectual merit. Her surgery meant that she would never go back to being male, but there were no guarantees for her professional future. Each step was competitive and Kaylie knew success would take hard work.
Kaylie enjoyed being with Patricia and Pamela at the science intensive but also missed being with Hillary and Stacy. Hillary must have sensed this because she wandered over to the Clark house Monday afternoon almost as soon as Kaylie got home. Kaylie rushed to the kitchen to get some refreshments then the two girls went out into the back yard and sat down on the lawn.
"So, how was your first day of summer science intensive?"
"Mentally challenging, but fun too. And I know it is important for me. The whole place is full of absolutely brilliant girls and I can see how much catching up I have to do. You mother told me I need to expand my circle of friends and supporters and that seems to be happening.
"I think it is great that Pamela Leland is there with you. She has really been supportive of you since you reassignment. Is there anyone else from our Middle School there?"
"No, but let me tell you the exciting news. This morning I met Patricia Ruhr who introduced herself as being another Special Boy. She was identified back in Elementary School. You know, I have never actually met another Special Boy my age. Patricia said she knows what I am going through and would help me get ready for High School. Besides, she is really smart and great to be with in classroom breakout groups."
"That sounds promising. I guess both Pamela and Patricia will be at Marie Curie High School in the fall? It sounds like I need to meet Pat sometime."
"How about you? Are you happy that you are taking the fine arts intensive instead of the science intensive this summer?"
"You know my mother pushed me toward the arts intensive, and I am OK with that. It is mentally and physically exhausting though. We had three hours of really hard dance movement class in the morning. I barely recovered during lunch and then we had an acting class followed by an hour lecture discussion about integrating technology with traditional art presentation. We are going to have to do an integrated project in the last week and we were warned that all this information would be important."
"Thanks for coming over. We both need to unwind and relax, and be friends together. Let's go sit on the bench in the shade over there."
Hillary held onto Kaylie's hand after helping her up from sitting on the ground. and continued to hold hands as they strolled across the lawn. The sat close to each other on the bench and chatted until it was time for everyone to go home.
The same pattern of geometry in the morning and algebra and something called introduction to algorithms in the afternoon continued for the next few days of the science intensive. The effort was mitigated by the promise that the next two weeks of the would include more fun activities. Of course this 'fun' would still involve highly focused learning experiences.
Friday came and the algebra class ended early so that a guest instructor could introduce the second week's activities. Nearly all the girls sighed with relief after a week of full days spent on geometry and algebra. Even the most mathematically inclined had burned out. After a short break a tall, thin woman in a well-tailored summer outfit managed to get everyone's attention.
"You girls did a great job this week. I know it was hard and extremely academic, but there was a purpose. Next week we are going to start doing computer programming using the development of a simple video game as the unifying exercise. The next two weeks will be a lot more fun and will give you learning experiences that will help motivate you in your High School classes. What you worked on so hard for this past week will give you essential background that you will need for the projects coming up.
"You are all familiar with using devices that contain computer chips. Nearly every piece of modern technology phones, cars, reading tablets, even household appliances have imbedded software that controls the device. But, you have only been interacting with the software through elaborate graphical user interfaces that someone wrote to control the underlying logical processes. Have you ever thought about what really happens when you scroll down to a menu item and press 'enter'? Or do you know what exchange of data really takes place when you enter a phrase into an internet browser and press the search icon?"
Kaylie thought back to the time before her gender reassignment. The devices she had access to as a boy were deliberately crippled and lacked nearly all the functions of the 'smart phones' all the girls were given. All a boy's phone could do is call or message a limited set of approved contacts: mother, the school office, emergency services. It was a big deal to be granted permission to call a friend's parent so that a message could be relayed. Any attempt on the school and library computers to explore beyond the strictly limited curriculum-related material brought up a big red 'access denied' flag and also alerted the adult supervising the computers room.
"An important part of this intensive is to give you your first exposure to computer science. This means learning the technical fundamentals of logic and memory circuits and the logical processes behind every piece of software. It may feel tedious compared to following your friend's video links on social media, but understanding computer science is the most powerful thing in our modern world. Those who control the computers control the world! You all heard about this in your girls-only political history sessions at school. But starting next week you will start gaining the skills to join the elite sorority that protects our Feminist Republic. To get you excited repeat after me ..."
A shout of high-pitched voices soon filled the room.
"She who controls the computers controls the world!"
Then another chant, "Sisters unite. The computers win our fight!"
Finally the chanting and cheers died down and the instructor resumed the presentation. "Yes, as the world learned during the Great Cultural Revolution the control of the software behind the internet of things means control over every aspect of modern technological hardware. The lazy, uneducated, misogynists were helpless in the face of feminist cyberattacks during the Times of Trouble.
"Never forget that electronic circuits and computer logic are the most powerful thing our the modern world. More powerful than the mines, factories, and armies that men once thought were the source of political and economic power. Even the marvels of genetic engineering and biotechnology would be unmanageable without computer databases and DNA sequence comparison software. Let's have another cheer."
"Women rule; controlling men is not cruel!"
Kaylie felt a shiver go up her spine. She had never been in a room where the level of feminist intensity was so high. No wonder that the boys she had been with in elementary and middle school were so terrified of women. For them it probably seemed like relief to be sent off to live in a man camp where their days were filled with modest work requirements followed by leisure time spend with drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex toys, and male bonding. That would have been her fate too if Madeline Lee had not discovered her intellectual potential and shepherded a frightened boy down the path to gender reassignment.
As the girls rushed out the room to start enjoying their weekend the instructor called out Patricia Ruhr and Kaylie by name.
"Close the door and then sit down, I have something important to go over with you."
Nancy B noticed that they had been singled out and gave them a knowing sneer as she marched out the door.
Patricia looked tense as she nearly slammed the door behind Nancy.
"What the heck is it going to be about this time?," Pat whispered to Kaylie in a low voice so the instructor would not hear.
Kaylie and Patricia continue to prove themselves compared to the other girls at the science intensive. A backyard party leads to resorting of romantic relationships. A clever subroutine by Kaylie may have consequences.
For some reason Patricia Ruhr and Kaylie Clark had been detained by the instructor while the rest of the girls got to head home to relax after the first week of the summer science intensive. Pat plopped down at a desk looking frustrated. Kaylie sat down more properly smoothing her skirt underneath and crossing her ankles. Both were wondering what this was about as the instructor stared at them sternly.
"Your school records indicate that you were both born male and have since been approved for gender reassignment. I am delighted that you have agreed to become girls and devote your intellectual talents to the Feminist Republic. Although you two were reassigned at different ages you are both now on the same STEM education track. You are also at an age where gender transitioning involves intense biological, psychological, and social adjustments.
"Your records were assessed by the political cadres for political reliability indications before your registration for this summer intensive was approved, and you both passed that screening. However, I need to remind you the absolute importance of total loyalty to the ideals of the Feminist Republic. Once you have been given access to what is called the 'administrator', 'superuser' or 'command line' level of any computer you have obtained incredible power. Intact males, and even feminized men who have male lovers, have not been allowed this power since women took control during the Great Cultural Revolution. Do not abuse your privileges. Doing so will bring swift punishment. Understand?"
Patricia and Kaylie nodded nervously.
"At the start of every computer science course every girl is required to go through the standard warnings and check the box acknowledging that use is being monitored and that they understand the rules regarding what is prohibited.
However, given your transgender status the two of you will be required to take additional training and undergo an additional examination regarding political reliability. It is nothing personal, everyone who started as a Special Boy has to do it.
"We take this very, very seriously. Here is a reading packet that you need to go through over the weekend. Next week you will have to take a written, hardcopy test to verify that you fully understanding about what is prohibited, the historical context of why these restrictions for males exist, and the measures the Feminist Republic and its allied sister states now use to protect against their misogynistic enemies.
"You can go now. Have a nice weekend."
Pat lead the way out of the room. Kaylie noticed that Pat had grabbed her books under her arm instead of carrying them in front girl-style. Once out of earshot she turned to Kaylie.
"I hate being singled out like that. I know why, but I still hate it!"
"Well, I did not like being reminded of my gender reassignment either. I am sure she was only doing her job."
"Kaylie, the problem is that the Feminist leadership is still paranoid about the gay male traitors who tried to sabotage feminist cause during the early years of the Republic. Once the feminists got control of this territory they tried to set up what they called a 'rainbow society' with complete equality for women, gentlemen, gay men, bisexuals, transgender persons, queer persons, intersex persons, any race, creed, or color. The only group not granted full rights were the born-male, male-identifying individuals who refused to accept the ideals of identity equality.
"Unfortunately there were a small number of effeminate men who initially presented themselves as feminist allies, but had secret male lovers living across the border in the misogynistic regions. This created a conflict of loyalty, and some became spies and saboteurs. They used their access to computers in the Feminist Republic to support attacks by the enemy governments. Fortunately they were caught and deported before they did too much harm.
"Ever since then the Feminist Republic has been very cautious about any male-born individual who does not pass 100% on the political loyalty assessments. Effeminate gay and heterosexual men are socially accepted as artists, entertainers, service workers, caregivers, social escorts, and domestic companions, but are not considered politically reliable. As a result they are not allowed to be trained for science, technology, and math positions and definitely are not allowed unfettered computer access.
"I know it is not transphobia or homophobia, it is history. But that does not mean I like the suspicion that girls like us have to be subjected to. Does that make sense?"
Kaylie thought back to her psychological assessment day and the terrible experience during the Thematic Apperception Test where she was shown provocative images while her subconscious physiological responses were being monitored by cameras and instruments. She passed. She felt attracted to Hillary. Why was her loyalty a question.
"Pat, can I ask you something? Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Not really. You?"
"Hillary Lee had been my friend since Elementary School and is my biggest supporter. We haven't gotten serious though, if you know what I mean."
"Sounds normal for our age. Let's go home. It looks like we have a lot of homework before we get to log on to the computers next week."
Computer Camp
The second week of the summer science intensive began with a flurry of old-fashioned hard-copy forms where the girls had to promise to follow all the computer access and computer security rules, and to agree that a violation was grounds for immediate dismissal from the science intensive. The instructor was accompanied by two computer security staffers who gave a demonstration of how easy it was for them to monitor use and detect any improper activity.
After completing her weekend computer security homework Kaylie knew to pay full attention. It was clear from the whispering in the room that most of the girls were clearly impatient and wanted to get going on the week's activities. Shortly the computer security cadres logged off from the classroom video channel and headed back to their crypt where they could respond to any automated alerts from the omnipresent monitoring software.
The instructor brought up a demonstration screen and began discussing the basics of interacting with a computer operating system in programmer mode. In place of the usual colorful graphics and menus there was a monochrome display with a simple command prompt: '>'. The entry '> dir *.exe' brought up a list of executable programs. The entry 'list demo1.exe' brought up the actual source code for a simple program. The instructor showed how using the text editor to change a few characters followed by a 'compile' command altered how the program worked or even brought it to a complete halt. It seemed boring at first but Kaylie quickly realized that there was enormous power to being logged in as an administrator who could directly manipulate source code.
The instructor started another demonstration by giving Pamela Leland the cable to display her screen on the classroom projector and then launch a popular social media program on her laptop.
The instructor gave the class a cunning look. "Now I will use my network access to hack into Ms. Leland's laptop at the super user command level. We will display our screens side by side."
The class watched as Pamela started looking at some harmless photos and messages. The instructor typed in a few lines of concise commands and Pam suddenly was not able to use the cursor to select anything. After a few frustrating seconds the instructor restored cursor control to Pamela but then all the images turned to blood red squares. After a few more seconds Pam's computer went blank except for a "You have been hacked!" message.
"Girls, all the fancy graphical user interface based software that you are accustomed to using is easily disrupted by anyone who understands the operating system at a command line level. That is true power in a technological society."
Finally it was time for the first break. As the girls got up the instructor called Kaylie and Patricia up to her desk and told them that they needed to go to a separate room afterward. They headed out the door and joined the end of the line outside the girl's restroom. Some things never seem to change. Nancy B came out and another girl squeezed in.
As Nancy walked past Kaylie and Pat she grinned knowingly. "I have been told that 'Special Boys' need to get extra security clearance before they get a login password," she said in a matter of fact voice that was loud enough for anyone nearby to hear.
"She always does things like that. I hate it but can't do anything about it," Patricia grumbled softly.
"Why not" I thought there were rules about harassment of all students including girls like us."
"Think about her remark. She simply spoke a totally factual declarative sentence. She cannot be penalized for that. That girl is smart about what says. Any harassing implication or indication that it was directed toward us was solely in the mind of the listener. Move ahead, it is almost our turn."
After Kaylie and Patricia did their business they went to the indicated room where there was another instructor there accompanied by one of the computer security staff. As soon as the girls sat down the examination started.
"Do you pledge full allegiance to the Feminist Republic?"
"Yes!"
"Now stand, recite the loyalty oath, then sit down, give your phones and laptops to our security officer, and get ready to take the written test.
For the next two hours Kaylie and Patricia worked furiously through multiple-choice, short written answer, and multi-paragraph essay questions about the crucial role of computer technology, cybersecurity, and cyberdefense to the creation and preservation of the Feminist Republic. Most was straightforward and based on the homework they had been given over the weekend, but some involved integrating their previous studies in history, gender relations, human sexuality, political science, and logical reasoning into well thought out answers.
It was demanding, and Kaylie was aware that despite the intense study and female socialization she had received under Ms. Lee's direction she was still at a disadvantage. It had been less than a year since she had learned about the possibility of being identified as a Special Boy at her age. First it had been cramming for the eighth-grade aptitude test where she had overcome the years of being restricted to the lower-level classes that boys were allowed to take and prove that she had important intellectual potential. Then it was the socialization and feminist reading that prepared her for the big psychological, gender identity, and political reliable assessment that had made her eligible for legal, and medical, gender reassignment. She had been officially a girl for only a few weeks and ... Focus on the test she thought.
Answer: "As the legend of Davidia and Goliath shows a clever person using distance weapons can overcome the size and strength advantage of aggressive males."
Answer: "The ability to seize control of the misogynistic enemy's self-driving vehicles was a key to stopping the attempted invasions of feminist territory."
Answer: "As time went on the males stopped studying topics like electronic circuit design because it required too much hard preparation in math and physics."
Answer: "Feminist engineers had secretly imbedded numerous vulnerabilities in the integrated circuit chips that were the brains of modern equipment."
Answer: "Both intense loyalty to the Feminist Cause and hatred of patriarchal social structures motivated the brave women who planned ways to use technology to overcome traditional male advantages."
Finally the test was over. Patricia turned to Kaylie, "That was painful. I hate being reminded of how lazy and stupid but totally self-centered males have been throughout history and how smart and hardworking the Feminist pioneers were. Being reassigned was the best thing that ever happened to me. I just want to get my ...; well we can talk about that later."
"I feel the same way.
The computer security cadre arrived and gave them back their phones and laptops.
"We ran a scan and your devices are totally clean. No spyware or unauthorized software was present. Activity logs and history show no improper activity.
"As you know all computer-based devices in the Feminist Republic have basic security built into both the firmware chips and the operating systems. Your laptops and phones had only the standard-issue technology approved for all high school girls. Since you will be now be learning real computer science we have upgraded the security software on your devices to the higher level that is found on university level and professional devices. I have added several layers of activity monitoring software that prevents both improper activity by the user, that means you, and also defends against cyberattacks from outside sources.
"Some of the most devastating cyber hacks prior to the Times of Trouble were accomplished by socially discontent teen-agers and college dropouts working in their bedroom. You are at the age where computer genius blossoms. You may be tempted to try to find and disable the security software that that has been installed.
"Do you know what will happen if the automated monitoring systems detect that you have tampered with a security program?"
"I expect that I would be severely punished and banned from access to technology for life."
"No. When we find a girl who is smart enough to hack into our highly sophisticated computer security software we first tell her that she was caught, and then we rapidly advance her into higher level training and ultimately give her an internship in one of our national data security labs. The Feminist Republic needs the smartest, most clever cyberwarriors in the world!
"On the other hand, I need to warn you that any indication of illicit communication with the misogynistic enemy or disclosing of crucial classified information WILL be severely punished.
Computer hacking is a time-honored tradition. But the sport has rules: do not implement a system breach that you do not know how to repair when asked; do not cause any permanent damage through either data deletion or disclosure; do not cause critical infrastructure to malfunction; do not cause any harm to citizens of the Feminist Republic. It is perfectly acceptable to temporarily lock up an administrator's terminal with a funny message. It is unacceptable to do anything that would make the Republic vulnerable to misogynist attack. Use good judgment and keep your computer hacking within the bounds of these rules.
"That's all for now. Soon you we will be welcoming you into the sisterhood of software experts. I think they left box lunches for all of us in the cafeteria. Go grab some nourishment. You can eat at your terminals in the computer room. The afternoon session has already started. "
That afternoon Kaylie proudly entered her newly assigned administrator-level username and password that connected her to the school's fully programmable computers for the first time. The other girls had already working on the day's exercise when Kaylie and Pat arrived from their 'Special Boy' security session.' As a result she had to catch up with their head start as she started going through the lesson in basic commands. She noted that Pat was getting a bit of extra attention from the computer security expert, but finally got her administrator login as well.
Kaylie had known for years that the electronic devices accessible to boys had been severely crippled and were basically limited- purpose displays with highly structured menu choices. The devices she had been allowed to access once she had become legally a girl were able to search many topics on the internet and were able to run age-appropriate cloud-based software, which had been an enormous improvement. Prior to the summer science intensive she had been reading introductory books on how computers work, but now she had programmer access. She wanted a chance to experiment with her new powers, but there was so much to learn.
At first the girls followed structured exercises designed to familiarize them with the operating system command line and running simple executable files. Kaylie tried to integrate all this information with the background reading she had done. Looking around the room she saw the everyone was struggling to keep up with the instructor's pace. Finally the day came to an end.
Patricia was waiting for her in the hall outside the computer lab. "That was exciting, wasn't it? The power that computers have, and the limitless ability a programmer has to manipulate them -- amazing!
"What is the schedule for tomorrow?
"I think we are going to learn about designing computer algorithms. That is part of the reason we learned some of those awful confusing theorems in algebra last week."
"What are you doing tonight?"
"I asked the instructor if I could take the workbook home so that I can memorize the various programming commands tonight. We are going to start editing executable files tomorrow and I want to be ready. She gave me permission but warned me not to leave it where a male could steal it or even look at it.
"She reminded me that occasionally computer manuals are smuggled into the Feminist Republic from misogynist countries. Boys caught looking at this sort of material are severely punished. For intact males pornography is OK, but computer science is not."
"Sounds like you will be busy tonight. See you tomorrow. "
The next day started with making various changes in the source code for sample programs and then compiling and running the modified version. By afternoon the lesson had progressed to actually writing simple programs from scratch. Kaylie learned fast and saw the concept: take the instructor's word problem and express it in logical statements and equations, organize the steps, write program commands by recalling patterns from previous software examples, check all the details, compile and then run the debugger, fix the errors, and try again. Kaylie quickly got the hang of it and was soon able to help write line after line of (mostly) error free code. By the next day she was delighted that her attempt at coding the iterative method for finding a square root worked on the second try.
On Thursday the class was presented with the big challenge problem that would be the capstone of the summer intensive. The goal was to program a primitive 'space war' game where a player used to the keyboard to send projectiles through a gravitational field to hit the enemy ship. The instructors had provided a basic template for the students including a compiled subroutine for the target ship's evasive maneuvers. The coding project required applying the physics and math from last week to calculate the projectile's path based on the aiming inputs. It was clear that this project would require a lot of concentration and team work. Kaylie was in a workgroup with Pamela and two girls she had not met before. They had been in the special enrichment classes offered only to girls and all done a little computer programming before. They were supportive of Kaylie and were a big help. By Friday afternoon they had gotten further on the project than most of the other teams.
Patricia found Kaylie and Pam talking outside. "Well, we made some progress. How about you?"
"It was intense, but we are off to a good start. I am going to do some more home study this weekend."
"OK, but we should also relax and enjoy ourselves this weekend. It is going to be hot."
Pamela jumped in. "How about coming over to my place for a backyard party on Saturday? We have a lot of shade and a barbeque. No pool, but we can use the lawn sprinklers to cool off.
Pam noticed that Kaylie was hesitant. "I will invite Hillary and Stacy too. I have not seen them much since school got out. Is that OK with you Pat?"
"Thanks for the invitation, but you four all went to the same Middle School and need to reconnect. I already have an invitation to hang out with some of my friends from my gender transition support group. Maybe next time."
After Patricia had headed off Pam turned to Kaylie. "This is going to be a fun party and four makes it easy to pair off." She gave a knowing smile "I think Stacy is hot. I want to see if she is willing to make out with me. Nothing serious, just a few real kisses. How about you and Hillary?"
"We still seem to be just friends. Like all girls we share hugs and light kisses, but nothing serious. I really don't know how she feels about me."
"Well, you will never find out unless one of you makes the first move."
Backyard party
Kaylie agonized over what to wear. Attending a weekend party at Pamela's house seemed more special than just casual hanging out, but is was clearly nothing formal. This was her first summer as a girl and she did not yet have a lot of hot-weather clothes to choose from either. As she sorted through options she realized that part of her anxiety was a combination of wanting to look attractive, maybe even a bit sexy for her friends, and self-consciousness about her still boyish pre-teen figure.
Finally she settled on a pair of tight-fitting tan shorts with an attached mini-skirt, a sports bra, and shortened floral pattern top with a plunging neckline that also showed a bit of midriff. Kaylie decided to walk rather than ask for a ride so that she could get her thoughts in order. It was not far since both she and Pam lived in the neighborhood of their former middle school.
Kaylie realized she was being a bit daring. Compared to her nervousness on her first solo walk on the nature trail going out in public dressed like this showed progress.
Pamela's back yard was fully fenced and had a lot of trees, tall hedges, and brushy shrubs dividing the space to create quiet nooks for reading or meditation. Her mother had designed it as a peaceful refuge with fountains, benches, sitting logs, and comfortable grassy patches. She clearly had a gardener to help tend the beautiful landscape. When Kaylie arrived Hillary and Stacy were already there preparing lunch on the grill while Pam put out some appetizers and refreshments.
Hillary ran up and threw her arms around Kaylie as soon as she came through the fence gate. "I missed you. Fine Arts intensive was fun, but I missed you."
"Same here. We can catch up after. Here comes Stacy"
Stacy looked sadly at Kaylie. "I am sorry about that outburst at the shopping mall. I was upset, but could have handled my feelings better."
"Forgiven, lets be friends, OK?"
"It looks like lunch is almost ready. Let's eat."
The four girls loaded their plates and sat down at the picnic table. Hillary and Kaylie on one side and Pam and Stacy sitting really close together on the other. The sound of munching on food mixed with the usual girl chatting and gossip.
"Kaylie, you are not eating much."
"Well, I am trying to watch my weight. I do not want to bulk up any more than I already did last year."
"But you want to develop a figure don't you? The really skinny girls like ballerinas and gymnasts don't grow big breasts."
Kaylie was again reminded that her friends had already started to 'show' and her medical hormone dose had not yet had much effect.
After lunch Pam and Stacy headed off to a bench hidden behind a hedge. Knowing what Pam had in mind Kaylie indicated to Hillary that they should find some place else to chat. The found a comfortable grass covered mound with a view of the flower beds and sat down on the ground.
Kaylie listened as Hillary described the dance, music, and drama experiences that the fine arts intensive offered. It sounded like a lot of fun but also emotionally and physically demanding. In turn Kaylie excitedly described her first experiences with computer programming for a video game. After while they heard giggling on the other side of the hedge.
Hillary grinned. "It sounds like someone is having fun over there."
"I agree. Let's not disturb them."
"I think Pam and Stacy make a nice couple."
Kaylie though about what to say. "I thought you liked Stacy. The two of you spent a lot of time together last year. Both at school and outside."
Hillary looked into Kaylie's eyes. "But we spent a lot of time together too."
"Was it just because your mother wanted you to help me prepare for the assessment so that I could get reassigned."
"Come on, I was nice to you starting way back in Elementary School."
"Hillary, it really hurt when the teachers and counselors started keeping boys and girls apart as we got older."
"You always seemed different from other boys: smarter, more sensitive and empathetic, more gentle, not at all aggressive. And cute too."
"Thanks, do you really like me?"
Kaylie noticed Hillary's hesitation. "What do you mean?"
Now Kaylie choked up. "I ... I mean like me as more than just a friend from school?"
"You mean like Pam and Stacy are liking each other over there?"
Kaylie was aware of Hillary's body language and verbal implications. They were already sitting really close so that they could sense the warmth of each other's bodies. Kaylie started to gradually put her hands on Hillary's backside when they were interrupted by a shout.
"Hello, girls! I am having the houseboy bring out some treats," Pamela's mother called from inside. There was a pause. "He will give you a moment to make sure you girls are decent before he comes into the yard."
Kaylie pulled back from Hillary and stood up. Then she heard the sounds of Pam and Stacy working their way out from behind the hedge. She could not help but notice that Stacy was straightening out her tank top and adjusting her shorts as she walked out onto the lawn..
The houseboy was a thinly built male who appeared to be in his twenties. He was immaculately groomed and wearing a tight-fitting summer outfit that showed his both masculine muscles and an ample amount of exposed skin. He meekly walked to the umbrella table and set down a tray of juice and cookies then left without making eye contact or saying a word.
"Who was that?," Kaylie asked.
"That is one of my mother's domestics. She keeps him around as a harmless companion who is also extremely good at housework," Pam replied smugly.
"I have never seen anyone like that. Where did he come from? Are males like that common?"
"Male domestics are very common in wealthy neighborhoods, but my mother is the only one around here who has one full-time. Becoming a household domestic is a life path available to males who have been socially feminized by their mothers but who are not intellectually qualified to be classified as Special Boys."
"Well, I just learned something," Stacy remarked.
The backyard party wound down with a lot of knowing looks and unspoken thoughts. Pam's mother brought out a final round of treats and gave each of the girls a take-home plate of leftover goodies.
Kaylie had a hard time getting started on her independent study work that evening. Something significant had happened and thoughts of those few moments with Hillary. Romantic thoughts kept intruding on the math and computer science concepts. By Monday morning she was again focused and rushed to the Marie Curie Science High School campus to launch into the next week of her summer science intensive.
Secret Software
"Hi, Pam. Have a good weekend?"
"It was OK. I spent some time with other former boys who are in my support group. Even though we are all officially girls now there are still issues unique to being identified as a Special Boy that each of us sometimes needs to deal with. "
"So, what do you talk about?"
"Mostly about teen relationships. Getting in touch with our emotions, romance, the lingering effects of testosterone on the brain, gender identity versus sexual orientation. The differences in the medical feminization procedures that each of us have had affects what we can and cannot do; you know, things like how to make our partners comfortable with the facts of our bodies. And of course, we always have to address how we can avoid any words or actions that might lead to accusations of political unreliability.
"You might think about joining us sometime. It would be good for you. One of your issues is clearly all the extra years you had to spend as a boy, but I am sure you have other issues too."
Kaylie recalled her experience with Hillary. "I sort of understand."
"Maybe sort of, but there is still a lot you have to learn. The experience of every Special Boy is different. Some are delighted by femininity from the start, and others fight and resist for a long time after being told that they are going to be made into girls. A few fight and resist so much that they are kicked out of the program and get an early trip to the male work camps.
"Not only did you start late, you were put on a fast track once you were approved for reassignment. I heard that you had your first bottom surgery the same week as your assessment. Is that true?"
"Yes, as soon as the Chief Psychologist signed off Dr. Taylor asked if I wanted to be castrated. Of course I said yes, and my mother had already signed the overall consent form. I think she was shocked by how much of a rush I was in."
"Lucky you. I still have my balls and little tool. They are hidden away by a reshaped scrotum so that I do not shock the other girls in the changing room, but those parts are still there. It means I have to take male suppressors, and the effects of the estrogen I take are reduced."
"Why haven't you had your surgery?"
"Well, I was identified as a Special Boy with highly desirable genetics. Some years ago the experts in population biology realized that by castrating and feminizing the really smart males the pool of sperm donors would get less intelligent with each generation. So they developed this program where a few Special Boys were kept intact until they reach reproductive age.
"In a few years I will be forced to go through a temporary hormone treatment so that my testicles start to produce viable sperm. A few 'donations' will be collected and frozen for use by the fertility clinics. After all that mess is over I will finally be able to get my balls chopped off. Or so they promise me."
"You don't seem to happy about all this."
"Right. I am supposed to be fully socialized as a girl, but I still have to carry these damn boy parts around for at least five more years. These ideas about using Special Boys to enrich the stud pool came from Europe. You know, there is another feminist country in what used to be England. Our leaders get a lot of ideas from there.
"Well, the morning session is about to start. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Let's get inside. We can talk more about this later."
The new week of the science intensive started with a lecture by a visiting political cadre who again emphasized the incredible power of cyberwarfare and its importance in the defense of the Feminist Republic.
"You girls are extremely privileged to be allowed access to powerful software at your age. This has been allowed because you all have shown outstanding aptitude and we know that developing intellectual skills at an early age increases the likelihood of achieving exceptional career success. With opportunity comes responsibility. You must be totally committed to the Feminist ideals and show complete political reliability.
"I want to mention that there are a some girls attending this intensive who had the misfortune to be assigned male at birth. However they have since been identified as Special Boys and offered the gift of feminization. They are now legally, socially, and medically regarded as females.
"If they had not agreed to be feminized their innate mental skills would have been severely suppressed. One absolute rule in our Republic is that males are never, never allowed to learn the science and math that underlies computer technology."
As the lecture continued Kaylie felt that more and more was being addressed specifically to her and Pam. There was a lot of lecturing on the differences between acceptable computer hacking and actions that could have serious security implications. It was clear to Kaylie that her career survival depended on being more clever and more intelligent than the female-born girls without ever getting to close to the line defining criminal misconduct. Finally the political security lecture was winding up.
When Kaylie arrived at the computer lab she found out that two of the girls on her team had dropped out of the summer program. This left only her and Pam competing against teams of four. To rebalance the teams the instructor had Patricia Ruhr switch to make a trio, which delighted Kaylie. With the change in membership they decided to rename their team as PP&K.
As the day's work went on the combination of Pat, Pam, and Kaylie became conspiratorial. As usual, the two Special Boys felt they needed to prove themselves, and Pam was happy to help.
"The problem with this game is that by the time the shooter mentally figures out where to aim the target as already changed its path," Pam observed.
"It is called a trajectory in space physics," Pat replied.
Kaylie had been thinking about exactly this problem and had done some hand calculations at home. "I have an idea. Why don't we cerate a subroutine that uses the target position history data and calculates the aiming parameters for us?"
"You are using a lot of big words. Besides, that would just get us disqualified as cheaters."
"I read the project rules twice through. There is absolutely nothing that prohibits this approach. Pam, read the rules and see if you agree."
"So what do you propose?"
"I played with the math and physics and discovered that if our subroutine collects the time and position of the target for the most recent five locus points it is possible to calculate the velocity, acceleration, and curvature of the path. This equation then can predict the point where the projectile will intersect the target. It will be so much faster than mentally figuring out the trajectory and manually aiming that any second-order effects like change in the target acceleration and increase in its curvature will be insignificant. Here let me show you my calculations."
"More big words, but I will at least take a look."
The girls eventually agreed that Kaylie's idea would work and there was nothing in the rules to prohibit it. Kaylie immediately started writing her clandestine subroutine while Pam and Pat continued to refine their main program. They spoke quietly when they exchanged ideas, and avoided giving any hints to the instructors about what they were really doing. Methodically they began to put it all the subroutines back together.
"I edited the source code so that it is really hard to see what the automatic fire control subroutine does. I left out any programmer comment lines and used non-descriptive variable names. Let's give it a try."
"Remember to be typing on the keyboard as the game runs. Otherwise the instructors might wonder how our aiming is being done."
"Maybe we need to modify it so that some shots slightly miss the target. If we have 100% success it will immediately look suspicious. Even a 50% success rate will be a total winner. I have been looking at some of the other teams screens. They are satisfied to have the game run at all and almost never hit the target."
"Make the success or failure for each shot depend on a random number generator. That is easy to code."
By Thursday afternoon Patricia, Pamela, and Kaylie were satisfied with their testing and debugging, the three girls decided that they were ready for the big shoot-out competition tomorrow. Looking around the room they saw other teams frustrated by software bugs and scrambling to get something working. They noticed that Nancy Black and her team were relaxed and their software working. They were playing for high score in three minutes against each other.
"Hey, you guys want to try our version? Pat and Kaylie should be good at video games."
"Kaylie cringed. She noticed the use of gender-neutral 'guys' instead of 'girls' and did not miss the implication that as Special Boys they might retain the male propensity for video games.
"OK, I expect yours is standard -- arrow keys to aim and space bar to shoot?"
Pat tried first and struggled to be fast enough on the keyboard. She managed only one hit before giving up. Kaylie did no better.
Nancy watched with a detached expression. "I would have expected you two would do better given your background. Maybe Pamela is better with hand-eye coordination and visualizing where the target is on the screen. This competition is about more than software."
That night Kaylie did her usual mix of self-improvement reading and study related to the science intensive. Clearly Nancy did not fully accept Patricia and Kaylie as girls. Maybe the fact that neither had started developing yet made them look more vulnerable. She recalled Patricia's remark the other day about eliminating the smartest males from the gene pool by castrating them. Something bothered her and she wondered about how Pat was affected. She wanted to talk about this more when she and Pat had time. Self consciously she washed, changed, and went to bed.
Friday morning began with another 'political lecture' from a visiting cadre. The science intensive had consistently emphasized the importance of technology to the creation and survival of the Feminist Republic. It was a complex story and slowly Kaylie was putting all the pieces together.
"You girls have spent the last three weeks building up to this final demonstration of your ability to design a video space-war game where you will attempt to destroy targets that are being created and controlled by the black-box software routine that your instructors have provided. You might ask why this was the unifying theme of this science intensive. Playing violent video games is certainly not a feminine activity!
"In fact, playing video games was part of the downfall of the misogynist males who dominated society during the Era of Oppression leading to the Time of Trouble. Instead of improving themselves physically and mentally they sat in comfortable chairs mesmerized by the sounds and graphics as they exercised little more than their fingers.
"Back then most male-dominated jobs involved relatively mindless entry of routine data and commands into complex programs and automated machines they did not create and, more importantly, did not understand. When the conflict started these males became helpless when the Feminist forces disrupted their software.
"Your space-war exercise has been intended to show you the important difference between working at the level of creating computer code and passively interacting with devices through a fancy, but opaque interface. The real power belongs to those who understand the fundamental principles and application details behind modern software-based technology.
"However, we also wanted to instill a sense of competition and a drive to win in battle. Within each team you were collaborators and supported each other as females instinctively do."
Kaylie noticed that Nancy was staring at her. The lecture was coming to an end.
"Between teams you are competitors fighting for dominance.
"History is full of women warriors. Spies, undercover agents, saboteurs, guerrilla fighters, code breakers, rocket designers. Women's brains and cleverness won many wars while males claimed the credit for their strength.
"Now is your chance to show your female intelligence and desire to succeed. Head to the computer room. May the best girls win!
Now, lets have a cheer. Follow me."
The room burst into high-pitch shouting. "Females fight! We are bright! We have the might! Leave men to their plight!"
As they headed to the computer room Patricia remarked, "Sometimes these Feminist chants are a bit too much."
Soon all the girls were bubbling with excitement as they booted up their computers and each team loaded the product of their previous two week's work. Pat, Pam, and Kaylie sat confidently waiting for the competition to begin, totally confident in the power of their secret weapon.
As she launched the program Pamela whispered to Kaylie, "I hope your secret software does not work so well that it gets into trouble."
The first round consisted of the instructors setting the target navigation subroutine to a low level of evasion. As each team launched their program it was clear that most had written barely functioning software. One team could not get their program to boot up, and only three teams even managed any successful shots at the slow-moving target.
The lead instructor was very supportive. "Nice try everyone. You all made a great effort this past week. The collaboration with your team mates and learning how to work together on the challenges of programming was the most important part of this exercise. Programming is difficult and that is why women began to dominate the field way back during the Era of Oppression. As to the competition aspect, women have always succeeded through collaboration and mutual support in working against the enemies of our Feminist values. Remember these lessons as you continue your education.
"Now let's make the target a bit harder to hit and see what our three remaining teams can do."
The other teams had switched their displays to monitor mode to watch the remaining competitors. After a few more minutes one team dropped out they realized that the target was moving in apparently random zig-zags and had become much too hard to hit.
It quickly became obvious that Nancy and her team of four were falling further and further behind the score of the PP&K trio. The rest of the class watched in amazement as about half of the PP&K team's projectiles hit the target. Pamela, Patricia, and Kaylie all sat at their computers and appeared to be passing the aiming control back and forth between them. Nancy B. seemed to be getting more and more irritated, but her team soldiered on. The instructors watched, made complements, and encouraged both remaining teams to continue the game.
Eventually the instructors asked Pamela and Kaylie to stop and left Patricia punching away at the keys. Then the instructor asked Pat to stop using the keyboard and the PP&K team digital projectiles continued to hit the target. The assistant instructors and the computer security cadre gave each other knowing looks.
"Kaylie, we've been caught," Pamela said in an angry murmur.
"I know"
Kaylie's computer hack is discovered and we learn the consequences. After the science intensive Kaylie is ready to join Hillary at Girl Scout camp.
<--BREAK-->
Pamela, Patricia, and Kaylie stood nervously as their automatic fire-control software continued to aim and hit the elusive digital target. Finally the computer security cadre told them they could shut down their program.
At that point the lead instructor declared that the competition was over and the PP&K trio was the clear winner. A wave of chatter started through the room. Suddenly Nancy B. stormed toward the instructors at the front of the room.
"They cheated, just like I warned you. It is because who those two are. I ..."
The lead instructor remained calm. "Ms. Nancy Black, please sit down. We will discuss what happened as a class. However, the PP&K team got highest space war targeting score and won the 'shoot-out' competition. They have earned the outstanding programming award for this science intensive session. Now, everyone let us give these three girls a round of applause."
After a few moments the shouts and clapping quieted down.
"Now I will present awards to the runner-up team and also awards for 'best collaboration,' 'most creative design,' 'most helpful to others,' 'most rapid improvement,' and 'best documented code.' Certificates of accomplishment will be given to everyone who participated because you all made a great effort the past few days."
"It looks like nearly every team gets some award," Kaylie whispered to her team.
"That is how women are. We encourage and support each other," replied Pat.
The presentations were accompanied by more clapping, high-fives, and supportive comments. After a while the instructor got more serious and called on the PP&K team.
"So, maybe you three can tell us honestly how you were able to hit the target so successfully. Especially explain what was going on after you stopped using the keyboard. No evasion, no denial, just the truth."
The three looked at each other. Kaylie realized that as the instigator she needed to confess.
"We put a secret subroutine into our game software that calculated the target trajectory and automatically controlled the aiming and firing timing for us. We followed the rules and did nothing to tamper with the target's evasion subroutine. We did the aiming calculations based on the time and location of the five most recent digital steps of the target."
She looked around the room. There was a mix of wonderment from some, hostility from others, and an amazingly calm look from the instructors.
"I believe we played by the rules as they were written. I do not think we did anything wrong."
"And why did none of us notice this subroutine when we looked at your source code?" the assistant instructor asked.
"I suggested to the team that we keep it hidden. There were no comment lines indicating its purpose and the variable names were deliberately uninformative."
"Cheaters!," Nancy B screamed which encouraged a few others to join in.
The lead instructor managed to get the room settled down again, and then began to speak.
"These three girls did something that is in the best tradition of the Feminist Republic. They studied the rules of combat and then used the rules, including the omissions and loopholes, to their advantage. This is exactly how the Feminist resistance developed cyberweapons over the many years during the Era of Oppression and kept them hidden until the conflicts started during the Time of Trouble.
"A hero of classic antiquity, Alexander the Great, was told by an oracle that whoever loosened the Gordian Knot would rule the world. Many had tried unsuccessfully to untie the knot. Alexander approached the knot, drew his sword, and cut through it. He went on to create an empire stretching from Europe to India.
"By designing an automatic fire control system these girls showed the same determination, imagination, and cleverness that Alexander did. They all deserve extraordinary recognition."
Then the computer security cadre got up and went to the front of the room. There was a serious look to her demeanor.
Cadre's telling of Cyberwarfare History
"What the team of Patricia Ruhr, Pamela Leland, and Kaylie Clark did was a perfect example of what has protected Feminism ever since the beginning of Feminist resistance to the patriarchy during the Era of Oppression. Most video game players, especially adolescent boys and unemployed men, treat the contest as a hand-eye coordination challenge. They become ecstatic about the simulated violence that is vividly portrayed in professionally developed games. To them winning consists of punching the aiming keys and hitting the firing key at the right time to obliterate the target, nothing more. Our winning trio used brains to triumph over a well-engineered opponent by applying computer technology to their advantage. In an very short time they have learned a great deal about computer programming; the feminine traits of intense study and attention to details is what enabled females to dominate computer science. Our winning team skillfully wrote a hidden piece of code that gave them secret power to overcome the elusive target that the your instructors provided. Hidden code is how Feminists prepared during the Era of Oppression and what enabled them to triumph during the Times of Trouble.
"The PP&K team deserve special recognition for their skill and cleverness with software. Let me give you one example of how hidden code was crucial during the Times of Trouble. How many of you know about the Battle of Portland? No one? Then listen because this is important history. As you have been told many times during the Era of Oppression the female programmers and engineers spent decades embedding secret code in both software and firmware. Virtually every computer chip, operating system, and software app produced during the Era of Oppression contained these hidden latent weapons.
"Male managers in the defense industry were oblivious to the threat caused by using off-the-shelf microprocessor chips in what was supposed to be highly secure military hardware. When the Battle of Portland began the misogynist National Guard troops from the tradition-bound states assembled outside the city and their commander issued a ultimatum to surrender or be attacked. The men had a formidable array of troop transports, armored combat vehicles, and attack drones. But the Feminist defenders were ready. Their cyberwarfare experts were at their consoles as their high-speed computers monitored every digital signal between the enemy troops and their high-tech equipment that used wireless communication links.
"The Feminist commander responded to the ultimatum with a sarcastic reply "Guard your nuts!" which had major implications for the male enemy. The battle began. First all the GPS-based navigation signals were scrambled. Next, software commands were sent to the ground vehicles that disabled the engines. Moments later the Feminists seized control of the drones causing them to take off, hover above the enemy forces, and discharge warning volleys of bullets. Now a return ultimatum was issued: "Retreat from your vehicles or we will begin using lethal force." Most of the misogynists began running from their vehicles as the drones began attacking. Soon the men realized they were helpless and all surrendered. This was a decisive battle because it revealed a fatal vulnerability that applied to all the misogynist military and police. In the days that followed other attempts by the patriarchal government to suppress the Feminists met a similar fate. After a series of increasingly humiliating defeats the balance of the conflict shifted and there were no more attempts to invade the declared Feminist enclaves. During the peace negotiations the Feminist continued to launch highly effective cyberattacks on crucial infrastructure in the patriarchal territories. The men knew where these attacks were coming from, but had no understanding of the nature of their software vulnerabilities. Of course, these vulnerabilities had been planted over decades and could not be corrected quickly even if the men had the technological know-how. This story illustrates why the Feminist Republic nurtures science and math talent, but only in individuals who fully accept the social and political vision of Feminism.
"What the PP&K team did is also an example of why the Feminist Republic is so concerned about preventing males from having access to the math, science, and computer skills that underlie modern technology. These skills are too powerful to place in the hands of anyone who is not totally reliable and fully committed to the ideals of fairness and justice that motivate us as Feminists. In our society women rule and control government, science, the arts, and the raising of children. Males are restricted, but are given a choice of pleasant lifestyles where they exchange socially useful work for abundant entertainment and pleasures. Our society has developed measures that control the aggression and uncontrolled emotions that are unfortunately associated with excessive levels of testosterone.
"Let me explicitly address an issue. Some girls in this room are upset because two of the winners started out as Special Boys. Our education system looks for exceptional talent in those persons who had the misfortune to be assigned male at birth. Intelligence is not a sex-linked trait and gender is only a social construction. Boys with exceptional talent are given the opportunity to be feminized, and then be officially reassigned to the female gender. Patricia and Kaylie are now legally girls and are to be treated as such. They are showing exactly the skills we are trying to nurture."
The security cadre sat down and the lead instructor prepared to end the session.
"You all have done extremely well during this science intensive. The experiences you have had here will prove valuable in providing context for your work in high school as you prepare yourselves as technological defenders of our Feminist society. Enjoy the rest of your summer."
Pamela indicated that she wanted to talk as Kaylie and Patricia gathered their things and got ready to head home.
"Well, everything turned out all right. I am sorry I doubted you two."
"Well, we took a risk and it paid off. I am ready to relax for a few weeks at scout camp. How about you Pat?"
"My mother is taking me on a trip to visit museums and historic sites. I signed up for a club that studies the occurrence of Fibonacci numbers in natural systems - we meet online. Other than that a lot of reading.
" You two have a good time at scout camp. I'll see you back here at Marie Curie High School in the Fall."
"Patricia, you are a model super student. I admire you. But I am really looking forward to camp. My friend Hillary Lee and I are going to be in the same cabin along with Pamela and her friend Stacy. I need to get away from math and science for a while."
"See you later. Bye."
Getting Ready for camp.
Ann was busy helping Kaylie get packed for her first time at summer scout camp. Several shopping trips were required since she still had not acquired a full range of girl clothes. Ann bought Kaylie her first complete Girl Scout uniform with the white blouse and green sash and then got both the dark pants and the tan skort options for the bottom portion of the uniform. They also stocked up on rugged, outdoorsy outfits and on sports bras for activities. More interesting for both was the first experience shopping for girl's swimwear. At Mother's insistence they settled for a modest one-piece suit that was not very flattering, but was a good fit on her still developing figure (or lack thereof).
Mother also suggested getting a white, frilly, very well-padded bra. "This bra will look good under your scout uniform blouse," she said with a proud smile.
Kaylie was a bit nervous about the upcoming experience. She would be doing new things and learning new skills in a more structured environment than she had ever experienced during previous summers as a boy. She knew she would also be navigating friendships and relationships, especially with her friends Hillary, Stacy, and Pamela.
Departure day arrived. Kaylie and Ann had a tearful good-by while other girls from the neighborhood were also showing up at the pickup point for the camp bus. Luggage was hauled from the cars and shoved into the baggage compartment underneath and the first girls to arrive rushed aboard to grab the best seats.
Kaylie and Hillary sat near the middle of the bus, and Stacy and Pamela claimed the pair of seats across the aisle. The ride was just over an hour, but seemed much shorter, because an older girl with a cheerleader personality picked up a microphone and began talking in the front of the bus. She introduced herself as Pauline, said she had been working at the Girl Scout camp for three seasons now, then began telling stories and leading songs. As the bus approached the camp Pauline gave instructions about unloading, finding your assigned cabin, and getting ready for the orientation talk by the camp director.
As they had requested Kaylie, Hillary, Stacy, and Pamela were in the same cabin. It was a rustic structure with two bunk beds, a table with chairs, and a spartan bathroom at the far end of the common room. There was immediately a bit of negotiation about who would get the top bunks.
"Neat place," Kaylie exclaimed.
"I don't know. At home I have a bigger bedroom all to myself," whined Pamela.
"Get over it. This is scout camp, not a luxury hotel."
"Yes, but remember that four girls are all going to have to share a single bathroom when we get going every morning. Last year, there was one girl in my cabin who hogged the mirror putting on her glamour makeup."
"Do most girls wear makeup when at camp?" Kaylie meekly asked. "I'm new at being at a girls' camp and didn't know I should bring my cosmetics."
"A few Queen Bees and Fashionistas paint their faces every day, but most of us don't bother except for the formal occasions like the Awards Ceremony and the closing Mother-Daughter banquet. Don't worry, we can all loan you what you didn't bring to look glamorous for those few times."
"Regarding the bathroom. Everyone just needs to respect each other's space and share."
"Let's get going. The orientation session is in a few minutes."
The girls hurried to the camp amphitheater and found places on the semicircle of log benches. The amphitheater was built in a natural hollow so the rows of benches climbed the gentle hillside giving everyone an excellent view. Many of the girls were excited to be greeting friends from previous summers and the high-pitched noise was deafening.
The camp director, Ms. George, was an intimidating woman with a loud voice and a muscular build. There was a rumor that she had received awards for heroism in actual physical combat during the time she spent in the Feminist Republic Self-Defense Forces. Fortunately, Kaylie had heard that the director was good at delegating and most of the girl's interaction would be with the huge team of camp counselors. The counselors were older high-school and college-age girls who had excelled in camp in previous years. The few that Kaylie had met so far were all very friendly, knowledgeable, and supportive.
Suddenly Ms. George's voice boomed from the loudspeakers mounted on the light poles. "Welcome to Camp Winnemucca girls! Everybody shout 'Hello' to all your new and old friends."
The screaming finally died down and Ms. George continued. "Camp Winnemucca was named for the Native American woman Sarah Winnemucca a Piute who lived in way back in the 1800s and had extraordinary knowledge of the wilderness. She was also a woman who fought for human rights. She had excellent language skills and traveled extensively to speak and write on behalf of Native American tribes, forcing members of the dominant white patriarchy to acknowledge the mistreatment of her people. Here at camp you will learn about Sarah and about many other outstanding women like her who can become your role models.
"You will have fun, but will also learn important skills. Your experiences will combine exercises based on military reconnaissance and primitive wilderness survival. You will learn to find routes, send messages, gather and cook foods, and build shelters. You will also have a chance to develop your personal values and learn to be of service to others."
The orientation lecture continued for a long time. Daily schedule, location of camp resources, safety rules, options for various projects and much more was covered. Again and again Ms. George came back to the importance of activities to build the character and skills that Feminist women need in a hostile world. Pamela was listening intently, Stacy was looking around, and Kaylie was wishing she could ask Hillary about what camp was like last year. Finally the session began to end.
"Enjoy your time here at Camp Winnemucca. Remember that each group of two or three cabins will be organized as a small-group patrol lead by a counselor. Head back and plan to meet your patrol leader outside your cabin in half an hour. Now let's have a camp cheer! Follow after me:"
"We are the Winnemuccas,
And we can't be beat
Because we got the outdoor skills,
to knock boys off their feet!"
Kaylie joined in with the chorus of high-pitched voices. The sounds of excited girls reminded her how lucky she was that her voice had not deepened before she started on hormones. As the chanting came to an end she continued to think about her own situation. Being a girl definitely was much better than the alternative, but she felt sorry for the boys she had known in middle school. There was so much that they were going to miss out on. On the other hand, a lot of the boys had chosen to drop out in fifth or sixth grade so they would be done with the structured school environment and could join the older boys and men at the work camps. A lifestyle centered on mindless work and relaxation based on alcohol, drugs, electronic entertainment, and pornography sounded totally disgusting to Kaylie, but a lot of the boys she grew up with seemed excited by the idea. Kaylie's thoughts were brought back to the present by the closing announcement.
"OK girls, time for our afternoon activity. Go back to your cabins where you will meet your patrol counselor. Today she will teach you how to secretly signal your companions."
Kaylie and Hillary walked together to the meeting point with Pamela and Stacy following behind. Four other girls from an adjacent cabin were apparently also in the patrol. Paula Steiner, their patrol counselor, greeted everyone with bubbling enthusiasm. Paula was few years older than the four campers, and was wearing shorts and a tee-shirt that accented her figure.
"Let's go sit under that tree over there and get started. We will create a pretend situation based on real events. I will teach you an important communication skill that may prove useful sometime.
"Suppose you want to let your friends know where you are without alerting a hostile enemy, what could you do? And no, the answer is not to call them on the phone. For this exercise assume that there is no electronic communication. And you cannot shout because that would let the enemy know where you are."
After a moment of silence Pamela spoke up. "I remember last year we learned to make bird song sounds that appear natural."
"Wonderful! That is exactly what we are going to do again. Each of you will pick a bird and learn to whistle that bird's song. Once you have mastered your own call we will have a game where you learn to recognize and remember each other's bird call.
"Why do we have to learn this? It does not sound like anything that would ever happen," complained one of the girls from the other cabin.
Paula was patient. "During the Times of Trouble the Feminists were able to succeed because they had ways to communicate that were not dependent on modern electronic devices. In many battles the Feminists used their cyberweapons to totally shut down electronic communication in the area. The misogynist male forces were rendered helpless because they had become totally dependent on electronic messaging and had no way to communicate beyond the sound of their desperate voices.
"A big part of Girl Scout camp is to teach each new generation of girls the primitive skills that allow us to survive and overcome in an era of ongoing electronic warfare. You will learn to prepare food without electricity by cooking on a campfire. You will learn to send text messages with a flashlight using Morse code and also by using what are called semaphore flags. You will learn to navigate in the woods without a GPS-based device. Girl Scouts earn Merit Badges when they master various wilderness skills, self-sufficient living skills, and community service topics. When you have earned sufficient merit badges you move up in rank to become a higher level scout. Here at Camp Winnemucca we will emphasize outdoor reconnaissance and survival skills. Learning these things is fun and will build your self-confidence, especially when you show the mastery to earn a merit badge.
"Now Pamela, what was your bird call last year? Can you do it for us?"
Pamela thought a moment then whistled what sounded like " what cheer, what cheer."
"Great, I immediately recognized that as a cardinal. You must have practiced a lot last year to remember it so well."
The next half hour was a cacophony of hoots, chirps, whistles, and throat sounds an the eight girls in the patrol learned and practiced various bird calls. Eventually each had picked out a favorite as their private signal, and Paula began making sure each could identify everyone else.
"Hillary, you're next"
"Drink-your-tea-ee-ee-ee. Drink-your-tea-ee-ee-ee. That was the Rufous-sided Towhee."
"And Kaylie.?"
"Who’s awake? me too, who’s awake? me too, I'm the Great Horned Owl."
"Finally you Stacy."
"Sweet sweet I’m so sweeeeet. A yellow warbler."
"Great job girls. We will finish the afternoon with an identification game. Everyone will use their scout neck kerchief as a blindfold. When I tap one of you on the shoulder you will give your bird call signal and everyone else will call out who it is."
Finally the afternoon activity was over and the girls headed back to their cabin to get ready for dinner.
"I think that was a dumb thing to spend time on two years in a row," grumbled Pamela.
"I don't agree. It might be useful sometime. Besides it was fun to learn all those bird calls. It is nice to be able to identify the real birds you hear in the woods."
"Kaylie, remember how scared you were in the woods when you took that walk on the nature trail? And how scared you were when my mother stopped the car on Riverside Drive?"
"Yes, Pam. But I am getting more confident now."
"Well, self-confidence is a big part of what camp is about," added Hillary.
"Lets hurry up and head to the dining hall."
After a unremarkable dinner of camp food the girls were directed to the amphitheater where a roaring campfire was already blazing. As twilight approached the counselors began telling stories and leading songs. Finally it was dark and the girls had to stumble their way back to their cabins by starlight and the dim lights on camp buildings.
"Why did they not let us bring flashlights to the amphitheater?"
"The want us to realize how much we can see with our night vision. Do you notice that the moon was low on the horizon and set before the sun did tonight? It will be the new moon in a couple more days."
"I never learned to pay attention to things like that"
"Here's our cabin finally. It's late. Let's get to bed."
The next day began the standard camp routine starting with a hearty, but healthy, breakfast in the dining hall followed by room cleanup and then preparation for a full day of activities. The patrol was becoming a unit and the girls from the other cabin came over to join in the girl gossip, joking, and harmless pranks. Camp activities left little unstructured time, but they all enjoyed what they had.
Paula finally got her patrol organized and started handing out the items they would need for the day. Some of the girls looked bewildered when they were given things like an old-fashioned analog watch, a magnetic compass, paper maps, a real hard-bound book with sky charts, a measuring stick and other antiques. After loading their packs they followed Paula to a small clearing by the lake shore.
"Today we are going to learn navigation techniques using the sun, maps, and dead reckoning. We will also learn to figure out heights and distances using triangulation, you know, basic geometry. Then tonight instead of campfire we will learn to find our direction from the stars."
"What's dead reckoning?" asked Connie. She was the most outgoing and assertive of the girls from the other cabin.
"Dead reckoning is finding your way to a destination by keeping track of your direction and how long you have been traveling. If your destination is a mile north and you are going cross country then by dead reckoning you know to walk as straight north as you can and continue for about half an hour. That will put you very close, and with practice you will walk right to where you wanted to go. If you are in a boat on the lake over there you will go faster than walking in the woods and will be able to get to a point a mile north in twenty minutes of steady paddling.
"The high school girls, the ones one or two years older than you, do an exercise where the counselors set up flags for each patrol on the far shore. During the day the girls have to use triangulation to figure out the direction and distance to their flag. Then at night, in the dark, they need to use dead reckoning to paddle their canoe over to get their flag and then bring it back to the dock. You will do an easier exercise tonight, but still harder than the navigation problem you all did last year."
Except for those of us who did not go to Girl Scout camp last year, thought Kaylie. Her thoughts about the years she had wasted as a boy were interrupted by Connie.
"That seems like another stupid to do. Why learn to do dead reckoning when you can just use the navigation app on your phone?"
"Well, remember that today you were told to leave your phones behind in the cabin. But, in real life you might have lost your phone, or the batteries might have gone dead. But most importantly, modern electronic devices are vulnerable to cyberattack and might not work when you need them. Worse they could have been hacked to mislead you."
"Isn't that what happened to the men during the Times of Trouble?" asked Pamela.
"Exactly, during the battles the misogynist forces were totally helpless once the Feminists released their secret weapons. You will hear this message again and again because it is essential to understanding both history and current policies. The men could not find their way because hidden code that had been planted in commercial GPS navigation microprocessors years earlier that allowed the Feminists to manipulate all the enemy's navigation equipment. At times the Feminists used false navigation signals to lead men into traps where they could be captured.
"During the Era of Oppression boys became more sedentary and spent less time outdoors. They excelled at playing violent video games, but lost the kinds of primitive technology skills you are learning here in camp. The men were helpless once their electronic devices had been hacked.
"Remember our camp cheer - 'we got the outdoor skills / to knock boys off their feet.' Now let's get back to learning basic navigation. We have a lot to do before lunch. This afternoon you will practice these skills then have time for swimming. Remember that after dinner we will learn night navigation by the stars so bedtime will be late."
Paula took out some hard-copy printed information cards and passed them out. "No electronic reading devices today," she said with a grin.
There followed an intense, fact-filled session on the position of the sun, moon, and stars by time of day and season, and exercises in triangulation to measure heights and distances.
Most of the navigation material was very mathematical which enabled Kaylie to keep up with the pace even though she had not been in scout camp the previous years like the other girls. Finally it was time for afternoon swimming and Paula directed the girls to run to their cabins and get changed.
Hillary and Kaylie set a quick pace and lead the patrol back along the lakeshore path and across the open field to their cabins. They quickly grabbed their swim suits and towels and followed Paula to the changing shelter by the beach. There was an outdoor shower to wash off mud and sand, and inside was a single room with benches and clothes hooks on the walls.
Looking around Kaylie realized that she was going to have to change in front of the rest of the patrol. She wished that she had changed at the cabin then put her outer clothes back on. Too, late now. She had been undressed in front of Hillary and Stacy on sleepovers, but the four girls in the other cabin were still basically strangers. And, worse girls from other patrols were also heading into the changing shelter. The camp sessions were grouped by age brackets and this time period was all girls who were also finishing Middle School. Old enough to start showing a lot more figure than me, thought Kaylie. After considering her situation Kaylie decided that she had nothing to hide 'down there.' Following the example of the others she simply faced the wall as she pulled off her shirt, shorts, sports bra, and panties. She quickly pulled on her black one-piece bathing suit and was ready.
With giggles and screams the girls headed into the water as Paula and the other patrol leaders tried to maintain some order. Everyone was directed to swim over to a float anchored a short way out, swim around it, and then head back. As she struggled to follow the others Kaylie was grateful that boys at least got basic survival swimming lessons in physical education class. Most of the girls were much stronger swimmers and several were able to smoothly glide around the circuit twice while Kaylie went around once then dragged herself up on the beach panting.
On the way back to the changing shelter Hillary came up beside Kaylie and gave her a nudge.
"That wet swimsuit is really clings to you doesn't it"
"Yeah, so what?"
"Kaylie, you are starting to show a little bit."
Kaylie looked down at her chest. There really were noticeable bumps above the shelf bra that was built into the swim suit. Finally, she thought. Self-consciously she balanced a towel on her shoulders as she turned to the wall and quickly changed back into her dry clothes.
There was a short break before dinner to be followed by the outdoor star gazing session to learn navigation by the constellations. While waiting for meal time the girls in the patrol sat chatting outside their cabins.
"Today was mostly review for me, how about you?," asked Connie, the extroverted girl in the other cabin.
"Same here."
"Yeah, each year at camp they build on what we did the year before. Where are Pam and Stacy?"
"Here they come. Sit down and join us. "
Stacy sat down and started thumbing through a printed copy of the scout handbook. "I am really enjoying all these outdoor navigation exercises; they are all real confidence builders."
"And part of the fun of being a girl. Boys never get to learn stuff like this," Connie added. "Our culture wants to keep boys totally dependent on technology to find there way to their jobs and back. Navigation technology helps keep men from wandering away from the work camps and causing trouble."
"How so?"
"If a male tries using his limited-purpose phone to navigate somewhere where he is not authorized to be the phone sends a message to the police and they quickly track him down."
"Serves them right. Think of all the misogynist countries in the world where women are confined to the home and cannot travel without a member of the patriarchy."
"I am looking forward to the rest of the week. We will be doing a lot more exciting things than we did last year."
Connie noticed that Kaylie had been sitting quietly and tried to draw her in. "What do you think about all these primitive skills exercises. You have been doing well at them. Did you go to a different camp last summer? I don't remember seeing you back then."
Kaylie hesitated then decided the truth would come out eventually anyway. "I was still a boy last summer. This is all new to me."
The four girls from the other cabin stared with their mouths open. There was an uncomfortable moment before someone spoke.
"You must be joking!"
Kaylie looked down "No, it's true."
Connie stood up. "You mean I was in the changing shed with a BOY this afternoon!"
Hillary came to the defense. "No, Kaylie is officially a girl, 100% girl. She was identified last year as a Special Boy at school and with my mother's encouragement I was her peer supporter during the transition. I know she is mentally and socially a girl now."
Stacy and Pamela joined in. "We were in the same school and saw the change happen. It's for real."
"Kaylie is an awesome girl."
"Yes, and she deserves our support."
Connie turned sharply and started to walk away. "Well, I am glad I do not have to share a cabin with YOU."
Hillary and Pamela put their arms around Kaylie. "Don't worry, she will get over it. We'll talk to her when she calms down."
Stacy was looking off in the distance. "Sometimes I still think that making a boy like Kyle into a girl is weird."
"Stacy, her name is Kaylie and she is our friend."
"I know, sorry."
That evening Kaylie and Hillary walked somewhat behind the rest of the patrol as they all headed toward the dining hall while Pam was talking to two of girls in the second cabin.
"Kaylie, you are unusually quiet tonight."
"Yeah." A long silence followed.
Kaylie's nemesis, Nancy B. had shown up at camp. Apparently she had a conflict or something that prevented her from arriving earlier because her mother had personally delivered Nancy to the camp directors office just before dinner. Fortunately she was assigned to another patrol, and her cabin was on the far side of the residential area. On the way to the amphitheater Kaylie noticed that Nancy B, Connie, and Stacy were walking together. She wondered how Nancy knows Connie and why they had teamed up so fast.
At the campfire after dinner there were songs interspersed with a series of both uplifting and cautionary talks by the counselors and even a brief appearance by Camp Director Ms. George. Everything seemed to be building up to some upcoming secret event. Kaylie was still contemplative as she sat watching the flickering flames.
Hillary leaned over. "I think I know what is happening tomorrow night. The counselors aren't supposed to tell us in advance, but I got one of them to at least give me a hint."
"What do they have planned?"