When I came in the next day Josie asked, "So am I right in thinking that
you have made up your mind, you are going to join us in the project?"

"I am still thinking about it and think it's probably the best thing for
me but what's difficult is I don't know if I want to become a girl
permanently."

"So what's holding you back?" she asked.

"I guess I wonder if I am able to really be female. I mean it's a lot
more than just wearing dresses and makeup, for sure. And I wonder if I
am strong, no, that's the right word,...brave enough is more like it, to
get pregnant and have a baby. You seem very happy but were you always
happy in your new life?" I asked.

She thought a minute, then said, "Like you I was hesitant at first, full
of doubt, pretty scared and confused but deep down I knew that what I
decided to do was something bigger than just me. At the time I had a
good paying job and lots of friends but I just felt unfulfilled.

"Explaining all this to my folks and friends was a challenge. I told
them that even though it would be a major change in my life it would, of
course, result in a huge change in theirs. I would still love and be
friends with them if they would accept me but it was something I felt I
needed to do, regardless. Following this program I would be doing my part
in contributing to the needs of the planet. I hoped they felt the same."

Continuing on Josie said, "My folks were confused and conflicted, of
course. My mom had a hard time with it but when I said that I would be
producing a grandchild for them her face lit up and, suddenly, it all
became much more acceptable. My dad thinks I'm nuts but he left it up to
me and mom to decide."

"There was also the monetary factor that I told my parents I would be
more than willing to contribute to the family. I have to admit, though,
that I would probably have done it even without the money. The dwindling
population issue was too important to ignore. Being able to help re-
populate our planet was a huge factor. As I mentioned before the human
birthrate has been steadily dropping."

"I love my life now and wouldn't want my life to be any other way. I
have a handsome, loving boyfriend and I will soon be delivering our own
child. It is truly a dream come true!"

That all made sense to me but I still had doubts that I could ever be
intimate with a man.

"Being attracted to and then desiring a man was a huge step for me but it
actually just naturally occurred, as did becoming pregnant with our
child. It truly has been a gift to me. Give it time, let it sink in and
I think you will agree. By the way, your test readings were in the top 2
percentile. That means that you are an ideal candidate."

I let that sink in.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes but Josie was watching me,
smiling. She came over and hugged me, hugged like girls hugged other
girls. I was starting to discover some of these incidental details of
females, like making close contact as women tend to do naturally, without
hesitation or ulterior motives.

I said, "Well I understand now that my life would be radically different
forever but listening to you and thinking about all of this makes me
realized this is something I not only want, but need. I really needed
the money, for starters, but my life was really going nowhere. I would
finally have a purpose in life, something I was truly missing. I really
had no incentive or plans for my future but I understand now that if I
follow your path I will be doing something to make myself a useful human
and do my part to help heal the planet as well. In some ways it would
just be wrong to not take this journey." I felt myself trying not to cry
but it was no use.

"TJ, that is wonderful and it's obvious that this journey will become
your destiny. I'm so glad you chose to stay with us and don't be
embarrassed about crying, it's just one of those female traits we share."

I sniffled a little more and then asked Josie, "Do you miss being male?"

"Good question. As for being female, I was hesitant, of course, like you,
at first, but my male life was going nowhere. I figured that this way I
could at least make myself useful. I do admit that I kind of liked all
the clothes and stuff. I'm thinking I may have been a crossdresser but
didn't know it and just wish I could have been born this way so I could
have enjoyed girlhood. I always liked to watch my sister and her friends
play dress-up and have tea parties."

I thanked her for her honest response and asked her if I could be back
the next day with my final response, that I still was undecided.

"No, wait," she said, "tomorrow is Saturday so you can give it your full
attention and then come back and see me, I mean us, on Monday."

"Yes, this will give me some time, it's the biggest decision of my life!
You will definitely see me on Monday"

"Oh, one more thing, Josie, am I the only one doing this program right
now?

"Actually, no," she said. "I was going to mention that there are 3 girls
who are just about finished with the program and will be coming by on
Monday so you can all meet."

"That would be very interesting, for sure. It will be exciting for me to
see some others and maybe pick their brains a bit." I said. "Um, what do
I call them, you know, while they are in this stage of development?"

"Identifying one's gender can be a slippery slope sometimes but they all
identify as female now so the she/her pronouns are the best." she said.
"This will be a good exercise in a social situations for all of us."

"I guess that's just one more thing I will need to adjust to, I'm sure.
It will be odd for me to hear others refer to me as 'she' or 'her' but I
suppose I will get used to it," I said.

As I walked back towards my dorm I passed through the Campus Center on my
way to the deli. There was a bank of mirrors on the opposite wall and I
saw this girl walking toward me, clutching her books against her chest
like girls often do. Even in a baggy sweater and loose pants I could
tell she had a nice walk and body. When I suddenly realized it was me I
about fainted. Staring at my own reflection it seems like I looked
pretty much like a regular female student. It was shocking! I felt
myself on the verge of tears again so I headed to the rest room. Out of
habit I guess I had run into the mens'. Not sure what to do I headed to
the nearest stall, sat down and burst into tears. Now I don't think I've
ever really cried very much before except when I hurt myself but here I
was bawling like a baby, again. I heard somebody come in and tried to
stifle my tears but he heard me.

"Hey, you OK in there?" he asked.

Trying not to give myself away I tried to say "Yeah, I'm OK" but I
couldn't help but sound like a sniffling girl.

Another guy came in and the first guy said, "Dude, I think there's a girl
in here, in that stall, and she crying."

As long as they thought I was just a lost girl I figured I was ok so I
said "Please, just leave me alone, my boyfriend broke up with me." I
don't know why I made up that little lie but it worked and they left.

I found it strange that apparently I sounded like a female without even
trying. I didn't even notice the difference. Quickly I went to the
mirror and was struck how I actually did look female, or at least like a
'softer' version of my old self. It became obvious to me that with my
longish hair in a tiny ponytail and despite my baggy boy clothes, I
looked like many of the other girls on campus. 'Other' girls! Now I was
comparing myself to them. I found myself wishing I had some lipstick and
other makeup but there was nothing I could do about that so I hurried out
of the rest room and decided I'd better pick up a few items, 'just in
case'.

Thinking I was becoming female had me in a spin. For one thing how do I
know what "kind" of girl was I going to be. How do I know what I should
be wearing, skirts, dresses, pants? How long, how short, how tight?
What about shoes? Those really high-kind of heels? I'd break both
ankles, for sure. What do I do about hair besides let it keep growing
out? Not just on my head but what about my legs and underarms, I'll have
to learn how to shave them. And then there's makeup. How do you learn
such things if you didn't grow up with other girls for examples?

Stopping at the local drug store I was stunned by the vast array or
cosmetics. Rows and rows of colorful tubes and jars, all with bright
labels and pretty names plus more aisles of just hair stuff. Confused I
just grabbed a tube of lipstick and a bottle of nail polish, both bright
red. The clerk didn't blink as I handed her my items but did say "Thank
you, miss," after I paid. I was both shocked and pleased at her comment.
"Maybe I can do this," I thought.

Back in my room, my roommate was gone again so I decided to try on my
lipstick. It wasn't as easy as girls make it look. I definitely need
practice if I am actually going to go through with the program.

The more I thought about it I realized that it might be the best thing I
could do, for me and for others, ultimately. I was going to have to make
some kind of decision and then go back in Monday morning and tell the
doctor and Josie.

Just then I heard the doorknob turn and my roommate, Duane, barged in
like he usually does, full of testosterone and not much else. I quickly
turned my back on him and he said, "Hey, turdburger, where you been....
Wait who are you?"

Not knowing what else to say I just said, "It's me, JT."

"What the fuuh, how come you look like a chick?"

"It's for a class I'm taking. Leave me alone." Actually it was kinda for
a class but he wouldn't understand.

"What the hell kind of class is this, Faggot 101?"

"I said leave me alone, get out of here!"

"Hell no, it's my room too. You get out if you want privacy!"

I really didn't have much choice so I turned around and headed out.
"Don't forget your purse, faggot!"

I was in tears again as I hurried out and ran down the hallway and out of
the building. I really have any place to go so I went back to Room 01
and hoped that someone would be there.

The door to 01 was locked but I knocked and rattled the door and Jodie
responded. "JT, you're back. Why are you crying?"

I went to her and she hugged me and said, "Just let it out, you're
emotions are going through a wringer now but it will get better, I
promise."

"I sure hope so," I said as my sniveling finally stopped. "I just had a
run-in with my roommate. He is such an ass."

"You want to tell me about it?" she asked.

"No, he's always an ass and..., no, I don't want to talk about it."

She nodded in understanding then let go of me and smiled and said, "Um,
did he see you wearing lipstick?"

"Yes, he wanted to know why I looked like a chick and I told him it was
for a class."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that happened to you," she said. "Unfortunately this
happens much too often!"

She handed me a tissue and said, "How about we remove your lipstick and
start over."

"Oh, no, it must look awful, I forgot!"

"Well you are definitely starting to become more female. Sometimes the
changes become obvious quite quickly. It's partly genetics and partly
Dr. Z's program."

"I don't know if this is part of what is going on but, despite my run-in,
I sure seem happier than I used to be. Could this be part of it? I
wondered.

"It certainly could be. Come to think of it, I am happier now than from
before in my guy days."

I handed her my bright red lipstick tube and she chuckled and said, "One
of the first you need to learn is what color would look best on you.
Here, let's try me show you with some of mine." She went for her purse
and pulled out a tube of peach-colored lipstick. "Now watch me." as she
pursed her lips and applied it expertly, rubbing her lips together and
then blotting. "Now you try." as she handed me her tube.

"You didn't even use a mirror!" I said, looking around for something
reflective.

"I already had some one so this was just a touch-up. I still use a
mirror when I apply first thing. After awhile you will be able to do it
automatically. Here use this," handing me a shiny metal plate as a
mirror.

"Your lips look so nice, how do you decide what color is best?" I asked.

"I didn't mean to say your lipstick isn't the best color for you but
there are so many choices it takes awhile before you find one that just
looks right. I went through too many tubes of Lush Lips and Party Pink
before I found this one."

She continued, "It was just trial and error for me but there are places,
like at a mall makeup counter, where a consultant will tell you what
works best for you, for your eye, skin and hair color. You can even have
a makeover while you are there. That might be fun for you!"

"Um, yeah, maybe we can go there together?" I said hopefully while
checking out my lips in the shiny plate.

Looking at Josie I only see an expectant mother and now I understand when
people say that pregnant women have a glow. She was radiant,

I knew I couldn't keep Josie away from her family all night so I thanked
her for being there, hugged her, and then headed back to my room. It
dawned on my that, with my new income I could afford to find my own place
and get away from that awful roommate, Duane.

I felt so happy being with Josie, she was always upbeat.

Unfortunately, when I got back to my room Duane was there, checking
himself out while flexing in the mirror. "Well look who's back! Hey
doll, you here to give me a blowjob or what?" he said in his typical rude
macho mood.

"Leave me alone. What I am doing is none of your business." Right after
I said it I knew it was the wrong thing to say.

He stood up and got face to face with me except he was 6" taller and 10
times stronger than me. "I'll leave you alone when I'm done with you.
First I'm going to have a little fun with my purty new roommate."

"No, go away, don't touch me, please!"

"Aw, she said please, she must really want what I got. Just wait till
it's jammed down her throat!"

"Duane, now cut it out, this isn't a joke. Just leave me alone. Don't
hurt me!" I pleaded but I knew he wasn't going to leave me alone.

"You even sound like a girl! What the...!" I became afraid as he
cornered me, grabbed my hair and yanked my head back, trying to force my
mouth wide open. I was helpless!

He was much stronger than me. He reached down and unzipped his fly and I
feared for the worst. I wanted to yell, no, scream, but I knew that would
only make it worse.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, baby doll, you're just gonna love this! Girls
love sucking cock and you're no different!

He pushed me down to my knees and grabbed my hair so I was trapped and
said, "Dollface, you are in for a treat," and he tried to force his
smelly cock into my mouth. I tried to struggle but he was slapping my
face with it, rubbing it all over and then trying to pry my lips apart.
He overpowered me. Being helpless, all I could do is hope he wouldn't
hurt me too badly. Roughly he pulled my ponytail back further which
caused me to open my mouth. He forced his cock between my lips. It was
awful. It tasted and smelled horrible and caused me to gag but all I
could do was hope it would soon be over. Finally he tensed up and moaned
loudly as he shot his load directly to the back of my mouth and, since he
held my head, his putrid cum slid down my throat. He pinched my nose
shut so all I could do was swallow. He finally let go of my hair and I
fell to the floor.

He just laughed and said, "Best cock you'll ever suck, right babe? Be
sure to drink every drop! You'll be my expert cocksucking roommate in no
time. My buddies will love it and I can't wait to pass you around to
every one of 'em," as I lay curled up on the floor, crying.

He finally left, yelling down the hallway "Hey guys, there's free
blowjobs down in my room, help yourselves, she loves cocksucking,"
laughing as he beat his chest in victory, like the barbarian he was!

I was totally humiliated, disgusted and angry but also very scared. How
could he do this to me? What would all these other guys do to me? It
made me wonder how many other girls he had done this to. I hated him.
He's a monster! I tried to spit out his semen but much of it I had to
swallow so I put a couple fingers down my throat and threw up what I
could into his backpack and left. I knew I wanted revenge but right now
I just wanted to get away from him!

I went over to short-term housing and luckily there was a room I could
rent for the night. While I was waiting for them to finish my paperwork
I saw my reflection in a mirror on the back wall and was horrified to see
that the pretty lipstick, Josie's color, which I was proudly wearing, was
now smeared all around my mouth from Duane's abuse. I guess I forgot I
was even wearing lipstick at that point. The clerk must have known but
she just gave me a key and pointed me down the hallway. I just crawled on
the bed and cried myself to sleep.

After that incident it pretty sealed my decision to continue with the
program. I admit I am now wary of the possible dangers of being female
but I never could compete in the macho guy world either. It was the
weekend so I thought I would try and secure some long-term housing and
get myself some appropriate clothing. When I left my dorm room all I had
was my book bag, my laptop, toothbrush, razor and the same clothes I was
wearing. I decided then and there that I wouldn't be needing any of my
guy stuff anymore.