Mommy, mommy, mommy, Chapter 3

I went over to short-term housing and luckily there was an available room. While waiting for them to finish my paperwork I saw my reflection and was horrified to see that the pretty lipstick I was wearing was now smeared all around my mouth from Duane's assault. I forgot I was even wearing lipstick! The housing clerk must have noticed but she just handed me the key and pointed me down the hallway. I was so tired I just fell on the bed and cried myself to sleep.

The incident with Duane cemented my decision to continue with the program. I admit I am now wary of one of the many possible dangers of being female but I never liked all the competition in the macho world either.

It was the weekend so I tried to put that incident out of my mind for now and, instead, would try and secure some long-term housing and, maybe, get some appropriate female wear. I tried to make myself presentable before I went apartment-looking but it was difficult since I didn't have anything to work with.

Close by was a drugstore where I bought a few necessities like a
hairbrush and a different, lighter shade of lipstick, following Josie’s advice. I was tempted to get some eye makeup but wasn't sure what I needed or how any of it worked so I waited on that. I knew I could figure out nail polish so I got a bottle of a shade of blue that I had seen other girls wear. I applied the lipstick using a store mirror and already felt better about myself.

I found an ad for a studio apartment close to campus and decided to check it out. I hadn't saved much money yet but I had to have decent place to stay, for now. It seemed nice enough, and being short-term it was partially furnished with a folding bed and basic kitchen ware. All my earthly possessions were in my book bag; my laptop, toothbrush, razor, and the clothes I was wearing and I didn't dare go back to my old room.

As far as I was concerned, John Thomas ceased to exist. Whoever I was going to be, my new name and persona would definitely going to be female. YES! YES! YES!

I wiped off my lipstick, and then re-applied it, just for practice, and Josie's advice was spot on...the shade makes all the difference. I brushed my hair and wished it would grow faster and painted my nails, thinking I could use any kind of help in making myself look girlier.

I had to wear the same thing I did yesterday and it definitely wasn’t feminine at all, of course, but I had to wear something so I was resigned to put it back on. If I wasn't wearing lipstick and nail polish I would probably be mistaken for a butch lesbian. I smiled and thought, "Being mistaken as a lesbian is better than mistaken for any kind of male."

I gathered my courage and went to the bus stop and nobody looked at me strange and a few even smiled so I began to feel better. There were a few resale stores not far away and I hoped I could find some things to build up my female wardrobe. I found a few items at the first one I visited, a pretty floral blouse a couple skirts and a dress. I was nervous using the dressing room but nobody seemed to care. I undressed and realized that I really needed a bra, for sure, as my breasts seemed to grow every day and some panties. I was still wearing my male boxers,
unfortunately and were, of course, all wrong. I knew I wouldn't purchase lingerie at a resale shop so I tried on the few items I selected. The size tags made no sense to me. I had no idea what a size 9 related to or what Petite or Plus sizes meant although I had a rough idea. The blouse fit me ok but one of the skirts was way too small and the dress was too big. This was going to be a challenge.

At the next shop I pretended I was a foreign student and used what I thought might be a foreign accent to ask a salesgirl if she could help me because I was new to this country. She explained the sizing to me and helped select a few things. Everything she chose seemed to fit.

"Sank you, Madame, you were zo helpfool for me," as I paid for my purchases.

I tried the same tact at a lingerie store a few doors down. I told this salesgirl that my luggage had been lost and I needed help with “Ze Americaan sizing." She was more than glad to help me as she took a tape measure and measured my bust and chest.

"This should be perfect for you, a 32-B with panties to match." She said I could try them on but it would have to be worn over what I was currently wearing underneath.

I just said, "zees looks like my zize, zo I weel buy zem."

Shoes came next and this was going to be a real problem, I thought. I looked into a store window and there were dizzying styles, flats, high heels, very high heels, open toe, closed toe, boots, and it occurred to me that my legs and feet definitely needed to be shaved. I opted for one of those self-serve shoe places, thinking It best to avoid having someone see my hairy feet. I just settled for a pair of flats in a size
8 and hoped for the best.

I got back to my new apartment, kicked off my old, male running shoes, and threw them in the trash along with everything else that belonged to James and took a shower. Since I forgot to get a robe I just put on my new bra and panties and then tried some of my new purchases.

Trying on my bra for the first time was quite a struggle until I
realized I could wrap it backwards around my middle, fasten the snaps and they turn it around, put my arms under the straps and then draw it up. Once I got my tiny boobs settled in the cups it sure made a difference. My breasts were still small but now stood out much more than they used to. Wearing a bra all day seems like it might torture but a torture I had to get used to. I mean millions of other women deal with it every day so I figured I needed to as well.

Putting the panties on was a no brainer except for the lack of a fly so all I had to make sure I had the leg holes correct and facing the right way. The issue of what's down between my legs is definitely changing and certainly was beginning to look 'different'. The nano technology was re-contouring everything and what's there now looks sorta like a clitoris but with 2 sad, shrunken testicles. I wondered what would happen next but I kept my hands off for now, following Dr. Z's order. I didn’t really want to know yet what was going on inside although I still needed to answer Nature's call. Still, I loved the changes and could hardly wait for the finished product!

Sitting to pee turns out to be quite a revelation. What I did before was simple but I still had to stand, aim and try not to drip on the floor. Now I just pull down my panties, sit, relax, blot, and go.

Trying on the blouse was another challenge. Who knew that the buttons were on the opposite side? Well, every born-female knew it but I'm sure almost all men had no idea. The blouse did fit nicely though and my breasts, supported in my bra, were nicely rounded. The skirt I bought was easy to try on, I just stepped in and zipped it up, even though the zipper catch was on the opposite side also, and it seemed to flatter my widening hips. It looked nice with my blouse, I thought.

I saved trying on the dress until later but I did try on the shoes which were a bit snug and pinched my toes but I thought they went well with my blouse and skirt. From those shoes I thought my women's size was 8.5. Silly me! I soon found out that women's shoe sizing seem to be gamble, at best, and obviously I would have to try new shoes on in a store.

I did buy patterned tights and a couple pairs of pantyhose although I did notice most of the girls on campus were bare-legged, even in cold weather, but my male side remembered how stockings flattered a female leg. Having to coordinate my clothes was going to be a whole other lesson.

On my way home I had picked up some Thai take-out since I had no
cookware or food. I slowly ate my dinner, careful not to spill any food on my new things, and just thought about what had transpired in my last few weeks.

Until my run-in with Duane I was having a hard time deciding what I should do. What he did to me was despicable but I knew now that I wanted no part in belonging to his gender. Men have been assaulting women since forever. He isn't the only one, of course, but I began forming a plan I hoped would teach him a lesson.

It was quite unbelievable, to say the least, that I've been transforming into a totally different person. It wasn't just my inner parts but my entire persona would soon become someone else who starting her new life as a female. I decided, that was just too good to pass up. I realized how much I wanted this!

Of course, getting much-needed financial help was most welcome but certainly was no longer the focus. To eventually becoming a fertile mother, carrying, and delivering a living, loving person had been impossible to imagine but soon became my ultimate goal!

Now that I decided to take this gigantic step I realized I wanted to be as perfect as a female could be but wondered if I'd be able to learn how to manage that. It's certainly not something that you can just grab a book or watch a video and learn. Jodie was certainly capable of it and she made it seem easy but was it, really?

On Monday I will ask Josie how this whole "getting pregnant" thing works. They haven't mentioned anything about how I could manage that. Do I find a male lover, a boyfriend or husband without ever being with one or even know how share that intimacy? How does this attraction work? Do I get impregnated by in-vitro? So many questions!

I finally became so worked up about all this I decided I needed to try and chill out. While I am relaxing in the tub it dawns on me that this is maybe the 3rd bath I've ever taken as a grown-up gu..girl. Perhaps taking a baths was an indirect result of my training. Maybe I will absorb a female psyche of sorts by osmosis? I looked at my body while in the tub, noticed my tiny boobs peeking up out of the water and they made me smile.

After my bath I stepped out and took a good look at myself. Both Dr. Z and Josie told me not to explore my new body quite yet so all I could do was look in the mirror. It was a temptation to touch myself, of course, but I didn't want to take any chances with my delicate girl parts.

My body is certainly was starting to be more female and less male. My tiny boobs were just that, tiny, but they are bigger than they were. Josie said they were going to continue to grow bigger for at least another month after my program is over and when I get pregnant they will enlarge even more with my baby's milk. So there's another thing, I will be the source of my baby's food! This is becoming too much but I made the commitment so I am just going to have to deal with it. I have so many questions for Josie when I see her on Monday and wished I could
talk to her now.

My hips were definitely wider. I guess that means that Dr. Zillow’s method actually changed my bone structure as well as fat distribution. Those nano things must work continually until they are done. My butt has also gotten a bit rounder, more body fat, for sure. Even my hands and legs are starting to look different. My legs seemed longer. My feet and hands also seem smaller. Looking at my legs I realized I should have shaved my legs so I told myself to do that in the morning. Hopefully I
can get on some kind of schedule since there is so much to remember.

My face still sorta looks like me but noticeably more feminine somehow, like if I had a twin sister. My hair was growing quickly and it looks like they might have some nice curls. That's something I never knew since I'd always kept my hair cut short. My nose seemed smaller, thinner and my cheeks more shapely. Even my chin was different. My eyes seemed the same as before although my lashes maybe got a bit longer. I now had
no other facial hair except my brows and lashes.

After my long day I decided I needed to get some sleep. However, I forgot to buy any sleepwear. Pajamas would be nice, maybe some sort of nightie and a fuzzy robe, but tonight all I had was the same T-shirt I wore under my baggy sweater and it needed to be trashed with my other guy clothes since I only have girl's things now. I ended up sleeping naked.

I must have zonked out since I woke up and the light was still on. I looked at the time and I had slept over 10 hours. I got up, padded around naked and barefoot since I had no slippers yet either. I stepped into my panties and found my bra and felt pretty good about myself so I decided this will mark my official day of womanhood. After I adjusted my little boobs to fit the cups better my bra fit much nicer. My boobs really weren't very big but they were mine and I swear they were noticeably bigger since yesterday. I turned the corner on this and made the right decision. I looked at myself in the mirror and I really liked
her looking back at me. I think I'm starting to look pretty or at least cute.

I made a list of things I needed to get today. Slippers and jammies, for sure, plus some casual stuff, like girlish t-shirts, maybe shorts and yoga pants. I'll ask Josie tomorrow if she can suggest other things I will need but don't know I need.

I had nothing to make breakfast with so I put my new skirt snd blouse on. That made me note that I needed an apron. I stepped into my shoes and when I looked in the mirror I realized I didn't shave my legs yet so I took my skirt off and headed for the bathroom. I was going to have to use the same razor I used to shave my face and body when I was a competitive swimmer but I no longer did that. After I shaved my legs I decided as long as I was shaving I needed to do my underarms as well. Add new razor to my list! Following that I painted my toes as well. I needed the practice, anyway. The polish was a bit kinda messy and it was easy to get the polish on the skin by mistake. They looked nice anyway although I needed practice, for sure. This was starting to be fun! I twirled on my toes and I thought my shaved legs looked pretty nice, even with nick or two. I put my skirt back on and slipped on my shoes and looked into the mirror again and got the idea that I might be able to pull this off after all!

I was about to head out when I realized I didn't have a purse. I put it on my growing list but for now where am I going to put that ever-growing list, plus my key, phone, money, and lipstick? That's when I realized skirts and dresses don't usually come with pockets. I emptied out my funky book bag and decided it would have to do for a purse.

Something else I added to the list was tampons. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to have a period for awhile but I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to be prepared. Josie discussed having periods and I was quite shocked when she mentioned that it was something I would have to deal with the rest of my life unless I was either pregnant or in menopause. I've been reading up about all this but it hasn't all sunk in yet.

Starting out not just as a girl but also as a new renter was going to put a strain on my finances, for sure, but I needed to take care of both. Clothes I could build up as I go but things like food, utensils and grooming needs were a priority. Both lists were long so I highlighted what I thought were immediate needs and headed out even though going out in public was still kinda dicey. I mean I kinda looked female but not enough, in my opinion, to take it for granted.

While I waited for the bus I gave thought to my name. JT wasn't going to cut it and James was absolutely wrong. There wasn't an immediate need but I kept trying popular names like Lisa, Heather, Kathy, and Michelle and more exotic ones like Carmen, Tamara, Bridget. The name that seemed to fit me the best, though, was Carli. It just popped into my mind while waiting for the bus.

I thought I would try it for today and see if it felt right. I even wrote it out so I would see what it looked like. Carli, with an 'i' and a little heart for the 'i'.

The bus arrived and I sat near the front. In a seat across from me a cute boy, about my age, smiled at me as he sat down. I was taken by surprise but quickly returned his smile as I pretended to get back to my list while actually sneaking peeks at him and wondering why I was suddenly thinking this male person was cute. I was about to get up for my stop when he rang the buzzer, got up and headed to the exit. I got up after him but when the bus suddenly lurched forward it caused me to bump against his back.

I apologized but he just smiled and said, "Hey, no problem. You can bump into me anytime. You OK?"

I smiled back, slightly embarrassed and said, "Oh, I'm fine." as I returned his smile.

"You go to the U?" he asked.

"Um, yes, you too?" Just then the door opened and he stepped back and let me go first. His gentlemanly act surprised me as I went ahead.

When we both got out he said, "Hi, my name is Devin. Maybe I'll see you around campus."

"Carli, my name is J...Carli Jane." The name Jane just occurred to me just like Carli. Since I've already been called Carli I figured it was now my name but now I needed to come up with a last name that didn’t have any connection with my former self.

As I turned to leave he said, "Hey, Carli, our frat is having a party next Friday. Why don't you come? It's at Beta."

Thinking it was way too soon to be doing anything like that I just said, "Oh wow, I have a couple of exams coming up so I don't know if I can make it."

"Well, maybe you can just take a break and stop in for just a while."

"Thanks, if I can get my studies done I will." I was so flustered but he seemed so nice and I wished I hadn't started off with a lie about having exams. The fact that he thought I was an attractive co-ed made me smile. It certainly made me wonder if maybe I might actually be interested in guys after all, at least this guy Devin. He was pretty cute and I
surprised myself that I would even think that.

My shopping was a daze. At a drugstore I bought necessities like
shampoo, toothpaste, razor, a bath towel set, bowl, plate and utensils. Next was the 'feminine needs' section and was stunned at the vast variety and selection. Pads, shields, tampons, napkins in different sizes and absorbency. I knew I needed some advice for this from Josie so these future needs would have to wait but it really opened my eyes to this totally female necessity.

The makeup counter was just as confusing as the others were but a salesgirl came up and asked if I needed some help. Needing everything I just said, "I just get so confused. I've never worn much makeup," which was the truth.

She said, "You have nice features. Would you like a quick makeover just to see if you like anything? No pressure and no cost to you. Here, sit and let me show you. I'm Marla."

Reluctant but very curious I sat and Marla grabbed a few items and started on me while explaining what she was doing and why I needed things like foundation, blusher, eye liner, mascara, brow pencils, tweezers and so on. I knew I wouldn't remember much of what she was saying as she happily continued applying mysterious products to my face.

That was a totally foreign feeling; having some stranger putting on all these creams, lotions, powders and fragrances to my face. I wondered if this beauty ritual was meant for the benefit of guys or other girls or for myself. The more I thought about it I came to the conclusion that it was all three. When I was a guy I liked seeing girls who took the time to make themselves pretty butI'd also seen girls who wore far too much makeup.For me it was all new and fascinating and something I knew I wanted to practice.

"You're lucky you have such long lashes," she said, "I have to wear false ones."

I looked at her eyes and she did have very long lashes but I certainly couldn't tell they were false. She expertly used some sort of devise that apparently curled my lashes, then applied mascara and liner around my eyes and brushed my brows saying, "You might want to shape them more, and maybe pluck a few strays." Using tiny brushes she added colored powders to my eyelids, bigger brushes to my cheek area and finished of with a lovely shade of lipstick. She turned me around towards a mirror
and said, "What do you think?"

At first I didn't know it was me. Then it hit me, the power of makeup. I thought I looked stunning! There was absolutely no trace of my old, male self. Looking back at me was a very feminine, very pretty young woman. I beamed! All I could do is say, "Wow, oh wow! I look so nice! You worked wonders. I had no idea!"

Marla just said, "I just accentuated your natural features. You might want to complete your new look and take advantage of a special we have today in our hair salon. Just $10 for a quick styling, you will be amazed. Here, let me take you over there."

"I am so new to all this," I confessed, obviously.

"Oh, we get girls in a lot who just don't have the time or didn't think they were the makeup-type. There is no obligation for these makeovers. We just want every girl to give it a try but it isn't for everybody."

"Well, thank you so much. I love it!" I gushed.

As I sat in a salon chair she introduced me to Yvette who immediately removed my hair band and brushed out my ponytail.

Yvette smiled and said "You have nice hair but you need to take better care of it if you want it to look nice. Brush it out daily, shampoo and condition every other day. Today we will skip the washing but I will add some body and curls. Just sit back and I'll take care of it."

Like Marla, Yvette obviously knew what she was doing, using one of those heated wand things she added curls and body to my hair. She said I might want to have bangs to focus eyes on my pretty face. I was so flattered. It was only 15 minutes or so and turned me around to the mirror and I was again amazed. What a difference it made with my hair flowing, accentuating my made up face. I was definitely looking pretty!

"Oh, thank you so much, Yvette, I love it!" I knew I could never create this magic without lots of practice but for right now I felt like the prettiest girl in the store and wished I could stay this way forever!

As I left I went back by Marla. She squealed, then I squealed, then we both squealed and then she said, "Wonderful, that style is perfect foryou. The guys will be falling all over themselves for you!"

"You really think so?" I beamed.

"Oh definitely, you're gorgeous!"

Marla asked me if I wanted some pictures taken and I definitely did. I handed her my phone, a little bit embarrassed since it looked like a car drove over it but she didn't seem to notice.

"Smile, gorgeous!" she said as I beamed and posed.

I thanked her again, left a tip for both of them and left
feeling confident and, maybe even desirable...to someone.

As I continued shopping I couldn't stop thinking about Marla's comment. "Guys will be falling all over themselves..."

I headed to another thrift store where I managed to find a few tops, another skirt, this one shorter than the last, and a jacket. At a discount shoe store nearby I picked up slippers, socks, a 3-pack of panties and a cute pair of flip-flops. Finally I browsed through a few dresses and tried on a few. I knew I needed to step into them so I wouldn't mess up my hair and makeup. A few of them I couldn't fit over my ever-growing hips. I found two that I just had to buy once I tried
them on. One was flared at the hem, about knee-length, in a flowery pattern, the other was sleek but stretchy so I could easily slip it on. Both, combined with my new look were wonderful. I took a couple selfies in the dressing room in case I never looked this good again. I felt so pretty I wanted to enjoy my new look and hated to go back to my place. I almost decided stay out but I really was tired. Looking in the mirror I
noticed that even my pouty face was kinda cute. All in all it was a very positive day for me and my progress into the world of the female.

Monday morning I was eager for my session with Josie, I had so much to tell and ask her. "How was your weekend?" she asked. Without the horrible details of my ex-roommate's assault I told her all the good parts. I showed her the pictures Marla took and she was impressed.
"See, I knew you would turn out to be very attractive."

"I'm beginning to think so myself. I've already gotten a couple of compliments!"

I climbed on the table and she hooked up the IV and headphones and our session began. This time I noticed many of the pictures were of beauty, fashion, couples, happy households and, of course, babies. There were no male-oriented images at all. While I was double-clicking I noticed she added an additional IV. Later she explained that we were now a week from the end of my program and I would receive my checkup.

She did caution me that my female body would continue to develop for another couple weeks after last session ended.
"I wondered why the new bra I bought seemed tighter. That must be why things I just bought don't fit like they did."

"Yes," she said. "Sorry, but I forgot to mention that. Don't worry, though, the changes should be almost complete so your body is just about finished developing."

I was so pleased to hear that my female body is almost complete and I would finally be a 100% fertile female. I told Josie how excited I was and appreciated all they did for me.

She said, "Getting pregnant is the only thanks we need."

Just outside the door I could hear the sound of girls laughing and talking.

"The girls are here, are you ready to meet them?" asked Josie.

"Um, sure, yes, of course."

She took my hand and when the door opened and saw 3 very lovely and feminine women. I almost thought it couldn't be them. I mean they certainly didn't look like they used to be guys!

The first one said, "Hi, I'm Amanda. You're...?

"Hi, I'm Carli."

"Hi Carli, I'm Wendy. Nice to meet you."

"And I'm Miranda, Hi, Carli."

"Nice to meet you all and I'd like to say you all look very nice.

"Carli! What a wonderful name," said Josie. It suits you very well!"

"Thank you, Josie, I've been trying it out for a few days and I'm very happy with it. Carli Jane, so far. You really think it's a good choice?"

"Oh, definitely, very sweet and feminine!"

She said, "Don't they look nice, Carli?"

"Oh yes, they do, and they seem and act just like the real women they are!" I gushed.

Josie replied "While your genes were being shuffled, some parameters had included positive image implementation."

"That's why we encouraged participants to assume their female persona as soon as possible. As you can see, all 3 of these former males have certainly accomplished that with a little help.They are well on their way to being prospective wives and mothers."

Josie continued, "It may seem a bit sexist to try and make sure you all become attractive women but, sadly, but they are the type who a large portion of men will want to impregnate.That's how it's been since the beginning. Men respond to femininity and beauty. I've been assured that Dr. Z's future program will have more diversity."

"If you have any questions I'm sure they would be glad to fill you in, right, girls?"

They all giggled in unison. It wasn't just that they just looked like girls. No, it was more their demeanor than anything else. They just seemed like they were born female.

Amanda seemed the most sure of herself. She was a very well-- dressed female with mannerisms and persona to match. She spoke up with a big smile. "Well, I have some wonderful news to share, girls! I just saw my OB and I'm pregnant, I'm having a baby!"

We all squealed in delight with hugs around! The fact that I could squeal was a revelation since I hadn't noticed my voice had been changing along with everything else! Not only that but I also discovered my Adam's Apple which used to be quite prominent had disappeared completely! Dr. Z thought of everything!"

Wendy was a big girl, quite tall but still very feminine and attractive. "You're so lucky, Amanda. Bill and I have been trying but..."

Josie, gave her a hug and said, "It will happen, Wendy, and nature, with Dr. Z's help if needed, will make it happen."

Miranda was very exotic-looking and more glamorous than the other two.
She was wearing a tight miniskirt, very high, open-toe heels, expertly styled hair, long, painted nails and elaborate makeup. She was stunning although a bit overdone, I thought, not that I knew anything about all this and certainly not one to judge.

Miranda continued, "I'm still using birth control. I am waiting for the right man and when I find him I'm going to be popping babies out like a Pez dispenser. All the women in my family, at least the past 3 generations, have had at least 6 babies each. My sister, just a few years older than me has already had 3."

"You are totally right to be waiting for the right partner, Miranda. Dr.Z himself would say that your choice in partners is half the battle, so to speak," said Josie. "That your family seems to be quite fertile is certainly advantageous."

Miranda answered, "Yes, my whole family, even my dad, are so excited for me."

All three were so welcoming to me. I felt so mannish compared to them. If I was going to do this I had a lot of work ahead, that's for sure.

"Um, did any of you have any doubts or regrets so far? I asked.

"No way!" they said in sing-song unison.

Amanda said, "At first, like many of us, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I didn't want to be a girl at all but it was really after just a couple sessions and I realized that this is who I should have always been. I'd hoped things would just keep progressing. Finding out I'm going to have a baby was the proof. All I really need to tell you is I couldn't wait to be pregnant and now I am. I have a boyfriend, a baby in my belly and couldn't be happier! I think all of you would agree, right, girls?"

We all nodded and then Miranda said, "Realizing what I know and feel now, I wish I was born female so I could have had the full growing up a girl feeling."

Wendy remarked, "What she said, "Amen, sister! I'm here from deep in the heart of Texas and I'm here to tell ya'll that this ride just keeps getting better'n better. I was your proverbial cowboy, swaggering around like I was God's gift to chicks but now, thanks to Dr. Z and Josie, I cain't wait til one of them macho cowboys saddle me up and ride me off into the sunset!"

Josie added, "For those of you who haven't found a mate yet I'd like to mention, as much as we all are determined to get pregnant, you should make sure you have sowed your wild oats, so to speak, before you decide on a partner. You don't want to feel like you've missed out on experiencing all the passion your female body might desire. Then again, if you meet the right guy and you want to commit then, by all means, go for it!"

"Thank you for the advice, Josie," is all I could say. Personally I was so eager to get pregnant I almost forgot about being picky about choosing prospective mate.

All 4 of these women went to me in a group hug and I felt my first real tears of joy. I was going to try to be a woman, no, I will be a woman, a woman in every possible way. The concept was hard to fathom but I will do my best to follow through and not just conceive a baby but be a loving, caring wife and mother, as well. The thought that inside me right now things are being reconfigured for that very purpose was, for all intents and purposes, a miraculous gift, one I want to take full
advantage of. A calmness flowed through and, for once in my life, I felt sure about who I am and where I'm headed!

Part of this female life is, I've discovered, the instant camaraderie we, as females, seemed to share. Not just idle chatter about hair, makeup and men but deep emotional feelings that, as a guy I had never experienced. It was just not done in that male world.We, I mean they, males, pretty much keep their feelings to themselves, and deny themselves the opportunity of sharing such intimacies.

Before the girls left Josie said that Dr. Z's wife, Mrs. Z, was going to have a baby shower party for Josie the next week and all of us were invited. Of course I had never been to anything like that and maybe none of us girls had but Josie was so excited.

After the 3 girls left Dr. Zillow came in, smiling. "Hello, JT, or have you changed your name?"

"Actually, yes, I am now Carli, with an 'i', Carli Jane Thomas."

"Pretty name for a pretty girl." He remarked. "As Josie may have told you, you will be ending your session in a week. At that time there will be bi-weekly follow-ups for 4 months to make sure your markers are correct. After that a 6 month checkup twice a year is recommended. We are quite pleased with your progress and you will be paid $10,000 after the final session. Any questions?"

"Well, right now I am stunned by everything that's happened but feel like the money isn't as important as my new life. I don't know what I would have done without you and Josie! And yes, I still have many questions about entering this mysterious womanhood."

"Ah, of course, the Feminine Mystique!" the Dr remarked with a wink. We are always willing to answer any and all questions. Isn't that right, Josie?"

I looked her way and she was beaming with joy. "Yes, you can always call me, day or night, and I will do my best to answer any question."

Dr. Z then added, "I admit that when we first met I wasn't sure if you would be a candidate for our program but you fooled me. Carli, I must say you seemed to have turned out to be a model specimen of womanhood. That being said, it's awkward, I know and an imposition but I must but I must conduct a complete physical on you. This is a critical phase we are entering and I must assure that all is well. Agreed?"

It isn't like I had much say in this but actually I was quite curious about it anyway. I nodded yes.

"Ok, let's head over to the examination room," said Josie, "I'll get you set up, OK?"

"Josie, I trust you. Whatever you say." Just then she gasped and bent over.

"Oh my god, are you OK?"

She slowly straightened up and said, "It's just Braxton-Hicks. It will pass."

"Who or what is Brackmanicks?" I asked.

"It's not people, well it was two people but now it means a kind of an early labor pain. Some of us have them, some don't. I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess."

She sighed as she gained her composure. "Oh, she's moving, you want to feel her?"

"Gosh yes, I think I better get used to things like that," as she placed my hand on her very large belly. At first I didn't feel a thing and then suddenly I felt a kick. "Oh wow, that was her, him, her?" I said stupidly.

"Yes, baby is active today."

I began to tear up and said, "Oh my, that was amazing! Can I try again?"

"Yes, of course," she smiled.

Feeling Josie's baby move might have been the most remarkable thing I’d ever felt. The connection with this third entity could only be described as the definition of life itself! That moment cemented by decision, not that I wasn't going to finish the program anyway, but now I knew I wanted to have a baby inside me more than anything.

I changed into a gown and Dr. Z walked in just as I laid down. Josie grabbed my ankles and placed my feet in the stirrups. So these are the notorious stirrups I've heard about, I thought to myself.

Dr Z. explained that what he will perform is the same exam any female would have to endure. "It isn't painful at all but it can be embarrassing. Please know that this is necessary to ensure your completion will be a safe and healthy one.Ready?"

I nodded yes and Josie winked at me and said, "The first time is the worst, believe me. I am used to them now. We made sure to warm the speculum first so it's a little less shocking, at first."

"Thank you for that, I guess," I said tentatively.

So there I was, on my back with my legs propped up in the stirrups and my legs spread wide. This was definitely a first and certainly wouldn’t be my last.

"This is the speculum and I will use it to inspect your nearly completed urethra and uterus."

For some reason I decided to ask, "Do I need to say 'AHH'," which made both of them laugh.

Let me tell you, having something that feels like a couple of spoons shoved into your most private of parts and then spread apart was a strange and foreign feeling for sure. I hadn't even dared explore down down there myself and here he was, spreading my labia apart and, with a light, was inspecting my most intimate parts.

Then he got behind me and felt around my breast tissue and said my breasts were in good health and said I would make some very healthy babies. At the same time Josie was taking my pulse, temperature and my other vitals.

When they were done he said, "Carli, you are, as far as I and the entire medical field is concerned, 100% female. Congratulations!"

Hearing those words made me so proud and happy! The doctor said that it would take another month or so to determine if I was, indeed, a fertile female and that would be when I had my first menstruation but all the signs looked good. He did caution me that I needed to avoid any intercourse for week. I made a note of that.

The doctor extended his hand but I wasn't going to let him get away without a warm hug and a kiss in the cheek. He seemed a bit shy but I hugged him and then whispered in his ear, "You don't know how much this means to me, thank you, thank you, thank you!" and I kissed him on the cheek again. Then I reached out to Josie and we had a group hug. I pretty much whispered the same thing and kissed her cheek too.

Excitedly I shouted, "I'm going to be a mother, I'm going to have one of those!" as I patted Josie's belly. The doctor, of course, told me not to get ahead of myself.

Then Josie said, "I know, let's celebrate when you have your first period."

The doctor blushed a bit then smiled and said, "Good idea, I'll treat,” he said.

I couldn't believe that these sessions would be over soon. I feel like becoming a mother is what I have always thought I should be doing but I just never realized it before. What really sold me was when I placed my hand on Josie's belly and felt her baby move. The baby's movements definitely stirred my soul, the same feeling shared by all other mothers, and mothers-to-be.

I said my goodbyes and headed back to my place and I truly did feel like I was walking on air. This is what happiness feels like!

I hand-washed a few things and then decided I should figure out what to do with my hair. I messed around with a curling wand but I needed much more insight on how to deal with hair. It dawned on me that I would no longer be in danger of going bald, thank you, estrogen!

With all that had been going on I forgot Devin's frat party was next weekend and I was eager to see him again but wanted to make sure I looked attractive since he might be excellent father and husband material. As far as I knew he was smart, handsome, polite and compassionate and the total opposite of my former roommate, Duane.

Duane tried his best to ruin my life but, in fact, he did me a favor by forcing me to not only leave the security of a dormitory for a place of my own but his behavior convinced me to follow Josie's path to become a mother; it became my destiny! Besides, I had, with Dr. Z's approval and help, a plan to get even with Duane.

In the meantime I arranged to have lunch with Josie so I could get some hair styling tips and maybe she could help me pick out some cute things to wear. We met on Wednesday, one of her days off. We had a nice lunch while sitting in a cute cafe outside. She noticed I was checking out many of the guys walking by.

"Was I that obvious?" I asked.

"You were practically drooling," she said, laughing.

" Well, I did think that tall guy in the suit seemed like boyfriend material."

"I don't blame you, I was the same way. I was never interested in men at all until I went through the program.But just a year later I found Michael, or rather, Michael found me, and, in a matter of months, he made me pregnant."

"Are you two going to get married?"

"Oh yeah, he is finishing his Masters in August and we set the date for September. We'll have to have you over to the house sometime so you can meet him."

"I'd love that! Does he have a brother?" I said jokingly, sounding like a desperate college girl.

Josie smiled at my remark then asked "So do you have any other
questions?"

"As a matter of fact, lots, but I really need some help with this menstrual thing." Luckily we were outside and nobody near us so we wouldn't gross anyone out.

"Of course you do. It's obviously a total female thing and a guy would pass out if he had to deal with it." We both laughed at that. She explained all the details, and showed me an app to help me keep track of my ovulation schedule.

"Ok, that tells me a lot. Now what kinds of items will I need?" I had looked around in a store and there were so many things to consider. “Do I need all of them?"

"Oh, I know what you mean. That's why it's important to keep track of your cycle. Most of us are 28 days or so. I usually put in a shield a few days before my cycle starts, just in case, then maybe a pad but usually a tampon. I use those for my heaviest days and sometimes a shield or pad also. Some of us use a menstrual cup which fits inside your vagina to collect spent blood. Usually by the 3rd day I can just use a shield but we are all different in amounts of flow and duration of menstruation. If you think you don't want a period and don't want to get
pregnant either you could always take birth control pills which prevents both. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, I think I understand."

Josie continued, "To top it all off you should be prepared for PMS and cramps also! Maybe you have heard about girls getting cramps and it is all true, your emotions will go out of whack with moodiness, anxiety, bloating, even acne. You just have to deal with it. Ibuprofen helps."

Hearing all this I was feeling overwhelmed but she wasn't done yet.

"Oh, and one very important thing to mention."

"Now what?" I wondered.

"Never, ever wear white pants, short or skirts anytime near your period or you will be sorry, for obvious reasons."

"Wow, we girls have it tough, this is a lot of responsibility, isn't it. I mean that is something that never would have occurred to me."

"You will do fine, it just takes practice. It's just another joyful moment in being female, with blood gushing out of you and maybe cramping and mood swings too, for good measure. Just think of it as practice for labor pains." she laughed.

"Most important, though, is to not expect the guy to provide protection if you're going to have sex. Just one lapse and you could end up with an unwanted tiny stranger living with you for 18 years or more or, worse, you contract a STD!

"Very good thing to remember, for sure," I said, wide-eyed.

I tried not to think about that but couldn't help it. I remember having to use one the few times I had sex as a guy and it was definitely a mood-killer.

I asked told Josie about that. "Well, you can make it part of the fun by offering to put it on for him. That way you can slowly slide it down on his hardness and maybe get him more excited. Guys seem to like that, or so I've heard."

"I see what you mean, I'll have to remember that," I said.

"Well now that's out of the way..." And I proceeded to ask her all sorts of questions about clothes, shoes, makeup and handbags. She decided it would be easiest if we just went shopping.

She led me around to some stores, picking up things here and there and making me try them on. I ended up with 4 dresses of different lengths and styles, 6 skirts, 2 pairs of shorts, a half dozen tops and blouses, a jacket, and a few accessories like scarfs and jewelry. She also reminded me I should get my ears pierced.

I asked her about hosiery and she said that most girls don't wear nylon stockings or pantyhose anymore, that the bare-legged look was more popular. She told me that she wears pantyhose sometimes because she likes the way they make her legs look and keeps her legs warmer. Having cold legs from being exposed like that is something I had never thought of. I guess I should also be careful if it's windy. I made a mental note of that. She did say leggings were always fun to wear, though, and showed me all the differences in the hosiery department.

Next was a shoe store.Oh my! So many styles, so much color and style. She said she had lots of heels already but a girl can't have too many. I found out what she meant after trying on many pairs. I ended up with just 2 pairs of heels for now, one dressy closed-toe with a 4" heel and strappy, open-toe for dress-up and parties.Also bought a pair of flats, sandals and heeled boots. I shudder to think how much all this costs but I dearly needed all of it. Little did I know that shoes would become an addiction but I sense that many of us girls suffer the same feeling.

It's good that I am getting used to refer to myself as 'one of us' as in 'one of the girls' which I really feel I have almost become.

Our last stop was the makeup counter. This was as dizzying as the shoe department. Josie liked the makeover I had and as did I so she looked for familiar colors that the cosmetician used on me. Josie was kind enough to say that I really didn't need much makeup snd she only wore it when it was something important. I noticed she never wore much to work, just a bit of lip gloss and some mascara and always looked so fresh and healthy.

Josie wanted to help carry my purchases to my apartment and I had to\ insist she not even try in her condition. I was a bit embarrassed about my apartment as it was so spartan but she said it was cute. I thanked her again, for EVERYTHING. I wouldn't have made it this far without her inspiration. We hugged and she headed home to her soon-to-be husband and I admit I was so envious. Soon she will have a family of her own and mine will soon follow, I hope, I hope, I hope!

Josie's baby shower turned out to be fun. Amanda, Wendy, Miranda and I were greeted by Josie and Mrs Z. or Helen as she wanted to be called. Also present was another woman about Helen's age named Kathleen who happened to be a pediatrician and a long-timed friend of the Z's. We were treated to a very nice lunch at the Zillow's wonderfully appointed home. We were all intent on the knowledge Dr. Kathleen dispensed on everything regarding maternity.

Helen had some fun games for us to play but mostly we talked about our future lives as mothers. Dr. K told us that we were certainly welcome to her clinic.

It was a very special baby shower for a very special mother-to-be, for sure, and we future moms were so grateful for all the information we received from Dr. K, Mrs. Z and, of course, Josie. Being the first of our kind to go through the initial programming made her our heroine.

My last session was pretty much the same routine as the last two except this time I just heard heartbeats, babies cooing, gurgling, crying, and all the curious, adorable sounds babies make. I listened intensely to each one and felt them deep in my heart. If they were trying to instill a loving nurturing soul they succeeded spectacularly. I caught myself unconsciously rubbing my tummy as if I already had a baby in there.

I realized what a genius Dr. Zimmer was to create this amazing project. Because of him, his army of former men turned into loving mothers may help save civilization from the brink of extinction. I am so proud to be that kind of soldier. It's hard to believe that just a little over 2 months ago I was stuck in school and just one more over-the-hill student athlete with no other plan.It's been a wild ride, indeed!

This last session was kind of anti-climatic. After 30 minutes of
listening to more baby sounds my session just became Josie and I talking about our futures and both of us having a house full of kids and eventually both of us becoming grandmothers. We both agreed that having some grandchildren to spoil would be the perfect thing to happen to us!

After that I hurried home to get ready for Devin's frat party. This was my first social activity as Carli and had no idea how college girls dressed for something like this, much less acted. I'm sure there will lots of drinking and such going on but I was never a drinker and not much of a partner, either. There was probably no sense in getting too dressed up. I did add some curls to my hair with my curling iron. I did have my ears pierced, two on each lobe. I did my nails with this lovely
light blue color. Did my toes too, just in case; in case of what, I had no idea. I tried on a blouse with peasant sleeves, at least that's what the sales girl called them and a loose, knee length skirt and the outfit seemed to work or at least I thought it did. Look at me, I used to think a clean t-shirt and semi-new pair of shorts was good enough to wear just about everywhere. Now I wanted to not just look nice for others but to
feel good about myself.

The only people I have spent any time with are the doctor and Josie so this party was going to be much, much different. I wasn't sure how much makeup I should wear.I tried one look and I went too heavy on the eyeliner and ended up looking too goth.Finally I settled on some grey eye shadow, a bit of mascara, much less eyeliner and finished off with little blush on my cheeks and my current favorite, Urban Decay Vice lipstick.

I was going to change clothes again but told myself to not be so fussy since I didn't know anyone except Devin and no one knows me so I'll just have to see how I do as a girl at her first party. At least this way I can measure my progress by seeing how others reacted to me, especially the other girls. I knew from personal experience that some guys didn’t really pay that much attention to how us girls looked unless our boobs were falling out.

It was walking distance from my apartment to the frat house. It was just getting dark and already there were kids all over the house, music blasting, lots of laughing and yelling. Suddenly I caught sight of this large, loud guy telling his buddies some thing and they all howled and punched each other's arms. It was Duane and his cronies! He looked right past me, luckily, but I was thinking that maybe I wasn't ready for this and was about to turn around when I heard someone say "You're not leaving already, are you?" It was Devin. He was just as cute as I remember. (Easy there Carli).

"Oh, hi, no I, well um yes I was." I was so nervous but he calmed me right down.

He said, "Well I was thinking about taking a little walk. I had a final earlier and I worried I messed up so I don't feel like celebrating or anything like that." He seems so normal, so thoughtful and kind.

I said, "Um, maybe we can walk together. I'm shy at parties and I don’t know anybody."

"Yeah, I'm not really much of a partier either. A stroll with a pretty girl seems like a much better idea," he said.It took me a second to realize he meant me!

Ask me if I can't believe my ears, he thinks I'm pretty! As we headed towards the lake neither one of us spoke. We stopped at a viewpoint and he asked if I wanted to sit. I said I did and he actually swept the bench clear for me. WOW! What a gentleman. It never occurred to me that such a nice, subtle act could mean so much.

"So where are you from, originally? he asked.

"Barstow, in California. What about you?"

"New York City. Gotham. Ever been?"

"No, I've been in Barstow and here. I like it here much better."

"What's your major? Mine is English Lit, just boring stuff," I said, making small talk.

"I was majoring in Foreign Studies, I think I'd like to work overseas.” he said.

"What would you be doing over there?" I asked, hoping he wasn't leaving any time soon.

"Community organizing. There are places with no real system in place to inform the locals of the opportunities that might be made available if they only knew about them."

"That's very admirable. It's doing selfless work because it makes such a difference to others. I admire that quality."

He thanked me and something mysterious, electric, happened; it was like our eyes locked together, sharing thoughts without words. I know he felt it too.

"Um, you want to go sit and have a cup of espresso? I know of a place."

"Yes, I would. That sounds nice," I answered, even though I'd never had expresso in my life.

He would later correct me, telling me it's pronounced espresso not expresso. I had so much to learn! We continued our walk at a leisurely pace until we reached what looked like a tiny cottage near the lake. He opened the door and the sound of cool music wafted in. He led me inside and I was enchanted by what seemed like some sort of Bohemian coffee house with vintage jazz posters and dim lighting. The walls were all bookcases filled with hardbound books. Again, like everything else lately, this was all an new experience for me.

We found a table in a corner and Devin asked what I wanted. I said a cappuccino like I knew what that was and he went to the counter and ordered for us. While he was standing there waiting for our order I found myself watching him, his cool demeanor and strong, healthy body. Was I subconsciously sizing him up as a possible daddy? When he returned with our drinks we made small talk, telling each other about our respective families and such. I told him again how admirable I thought his plans were. He said that it was something he felt like he had to do even thought meant leaving his family and friends.

It dawned on me that perhaps he wasn't the type to get settled and have a family of his own. I pretended to be supportive but inside I would be sad to not see him in the future.

We didn't speak for a minute or two, we just looked at each other. Nervous, I finally said, "Yum, the coffee is real good, stronger than I'm used to but it tastes so rich and flavorful."

He nodded and smiled and said, "It's hard to compare this to the stuff I used to drink at home. That tasted like dirty dishwater."

When we left he asked if I wanted to go back to the party and I said I was tired out from the day and would head home. "I'll walk you there,” he said as we headed out.

Despite the feeling that he might not be the fathering kind it still felt nice to wrap my arm around his. He pulled me closer and we walked leisurely back, arm in arm, kind of like boyfriend and girlfriend, sorta. We got to my door and said our goodbyes.

I really wanted to ask him up but I was a bit embarrassed about my sad little empty apartment. I unlocked the outside door, thanked him for a lovely evening, then impulsively turned around and quickly kissed him on the lips. I turned back around and quickly closed the door but I just stayed there, leaning against it, thinking about him. I hoped I'd see him again.

As I lay in bed I thought about the kiss. My first kiss with a man. It felt so right!I then wondered how right it would feel if he made love to me, was inside of me.

My hand drifted down to my crotch and, parting my labia with my fingers I explored my girl parts for the first time. I had refrained from doing much there as it was all being transformed into, as the doctor said, "100% female" but it was finally time to get to know my body better.

With my index finger I began pressing on and around my clitoris and it felt incredibly sensitive, like a buzz of electricity coursing through my body. What a feeling!I also seemed a bit wet!

Using 2 fingers I massaged it, running my fingers along it, squeezing it and it felt amazing. I saw stars. I let my fingers drift down to the opening. I don't know how it got so moist but my finger slid easily inside me. How wonderful, how moist and warm and soft and so different from what used to be there.

I let myself imagine that it was Devin's finger inside me and how wonderful that would be.

For the first time in my life I liked who I was and totally loved the new me and wished I had been born a girl now that I know how wonderful it could have been. I fell asleep thinking of unicorns, rainbows, boyfriends and babies.