The Kingdom of Grand Fenwick was agog. Everyone was gathering for the royal wedding of Princess Beatrice. It was a chance for all the country cousins to come to the castle and see how their royal relatives lived. To be honest Max would have preferred to stay home with his books instead of traipsing halfway across the kingdom. His younger twin sisters rode in the rented carriage while he had to ride horseback, no fun when your boney ass is in a saddle for hours on end and you are not a horseman.

His sisters were thrilled at the chance to attend the many balls that would be held, in hopes of snaring a husband among the minor royalty. Max just hoped he could spend time in the royal library, maybe even get a post there. He felt it was a waste of his parent's money to buy him the glamorous suits to wear in hopes he might catch a girl's eye.

The girls were more likely to ooh and ahh over his luxurious blonde hair, a rarity in the kingdom, one that he shared with Princess Beatrice. His sisters always teased him about it while flaunting their shiny dark tresses. His mother had loved it since he was a child and for love of her he didn't cut it but hid its length under his waistcoat.

The waistcoat was another thing. The Kingdom's economy was based on tourism. In a world full of modern conveniences Grand Fenwick forbade them except in tourist hostels. No cellphones, cars, or computers visible anywhere. Grand Fenwick was stuck in the 1800's and therein lay its appeal. The tourist trade was quite lucrative and the visitors had no idea that the man herding sheep probably made as much as they did and the sheep were all for show. Max, as minor royalty often had to squire visiting schoolteachers and such around the dance floor in their rented ball gowns. His sisters did the same with the young men hoping they might snag a rich one and get out of Grand Fenwick if they didn't find a suitable royal suitor.

At least Max liked history and old books. But he certainly didn't mind the modern privy hidden out of sight though he wished for at least a radio. The only musical entertainment being the lute player down at the local tavern. There were small troupes of musicians that traveled from town to town playing at local balls but only the capitol could afford a permanent troupe.

It was one thing to love history but another thing to live it. Max would love to dress like some of the male tourists who looked very comfortable in their jeans and tees compared to him. On the other hand his sisters loved dressing up and attending the balls held for the tourists. They were absolutely thrilled about the upcoming wedding and all the dances and other events that would take place.

The king and queen weren't nearly as happy. The arranged marriage between Beatrice and the young man from UK was going to bring them a lot of business as his parents, besides being minor royalty themselves, owned one of the largest travel and tourist agencies in the world. The wedding alone would bring thousands of British citizens to see the ceremony. Only Beatrice had the temerity to disappear with the rich American who had gotten her a fake passport AND pregnant!

Luckily the young Englishman had only briefly met Beatrice so the queen suggested they find a young female to replace her. And so began a surreptitious search for a new princess. The greatest difficulty was that Beatrice was a natural blonde in a country of black-haired women. The few blondes they found that looked anything like Beatrice in the face were discovered to have bleached their hair to imitate her.

The queen felt all their plans were going to fall apart and the recriminations from calling off the marriage could ruin the economy. So it was a great surprise when she saw a blonde head bobbing amongst the black ones belonging to the most recent distant cousins coming to pay their respects to their sovereigns. That is, until she saw the blonde head was on a young man's shoulders. It was a shame, as he looked amazingly like Beatrice in the face. Still, she took note of him. Maybe he had a sister or cousin who was as blonde as him.

Max was unaware of the interest the queen had taken in him. He had enough trouble keeping an eye on his sisters who wanted to see everything and everyone. He'd promised his parents to look after them and keep them out of trouble and he could see that was going to be a major problem. They reluctantly left when he said they needed to get back to their small bed and breakfast so they didn't miss the dinner that was included with their rooms.

The prime minister had come to the queen that same evening asking about Beatrice. The queen preferred to keep Beatrice's disappearance a secret but too many people were asking where she was. She told the prime minister that she was indisposed and had taken to her bed but hopefully would recover shortly. The queen momentarily considered having Beatrice die. It would solve one problem, producing a bride for the boy to marry but the kingdom would still face the loss of a profitable relationship with the family's agency. It would be much better if they could produce Beatrice. Once again her mind came back to the young man she had seen at court earlier. She mulled over the possibility. It would be a great risk but doable, if she could convince the young man to cooperate.

The first step was to send the royal seamstress to get his measurements. She came, ostensibly, to make sure his sisters were properly gowned and while there, insisted on getting his measurements too. Max wondered why that was necessary and she told him that he should have a suit that matched the beauty of his sister's gowns. Unlike the girls he questioned this largesse on behalf of the queen. They told him to shut up and be glad the queen took an interest.

The next day the two girls were invited to try on their gowns at the palace. They trembled with excitement as as they saw their new gowns. They had just put them on when the queen appeared. She complimented them on their beauty and said that it only proved she had made the right choice for Princess Beatrice's new ladies-in-waiting. The shock of her announcement was written all over their faces when the queen dropped the other high heeled slipper.

"The problem is the ladies-in-waiting are always close confidants of the Princess but neither of you knew Beatrice."

The twins were not dumb. They picked up on the past tense and asked the queen how they could get to know her well enough to become her new ladies.

"I'm afraid that isn't possible as Beatrice has run away with her boyfriend. However you do know someone very close to you, someone with blonde hair and her features, don't you.

"You don't mean Max? He's a boy!"

"A boy that looks very much like Beatrice. A boy who with a little help from the two of you could replace Beatrice. I'm sure the two of you with my help can convince him of the importance of becoming Beatrice. Unfortunately if you can't prevail upon him I'm afraid there is no need for a pair of ladies-in-waiting. In fact, in order to keep the secret certain people might have to be hidden away in the dungeons so they can't talk."

The girls shivered at the thought but knew Max would never allow that to happen to them.

"No, absolutely not. Are you two insane? I have no intention of becoming a woman, much less marrying a man!"

"Where's your patriotic spirit Max? The kingdom needs you!"

"The kingdom, my ass! You two just want the prestige of being in the royal court at the expense of my manhood."

The queen observed all this from behind a curtain. She turned and whispered to the royal physician, asking if they had those fake things that looked so real that he'd special ordered based on the differences between Max and Beatrice's body shape. He assured her everything was ready.

Despite the appearance of being backward the castle contained all the latest technological advances including the internet. The royal physician felt it was his responsibility to keep up with as much as possible. He had ordered several machines and technicians were temporarily hired to operate them. The technicians would have no idea who they were working on and were from countries far away from Grand Fenwick.

The queen decided it was time to take a hand in the proceedings and swept aside the curtain. The two girls immediately curtsied to her. Max made a leg after recovering his wits. He hoped the queen had not heard his outburst. It took only a moment to dash that hope.

"About your ass young man. It and the rest of you owe a duty to your country. Now you can cooperate and your sisters will gain considerable standing at court and we will see that they have large dowries and find suitable husbands.

On the other hand you can be a GRAVE disappointment to us and the kingdom by refusing to help in our time of need. What say you Max?"

Max hadn't missed the emphasis on the word grave and thought about his promise to his parents to take care of his sisters. He looked at their faces, their hands clasped, imploring him silently to say yes.

While he found it hard to believe he could replace a princess, he didn't find it hard to believe what would happen if he didn't, given the look on his Queen's face. Maybe that's one of the reasons Beatrice ran away.

"You have yourself a princess your highness, a very reluctant one."

"I'm not going to accept anything but your wholehearted cooperation daughter dear. Now come with me."

The queen led Max down several halls until she came to the room she had been looking for and stopped, waiting. Max realized she expected him to open the door for her. He followed her into the room, not noticing the beefy guard who closed the door behind him. The queen wasn't taking any chances on her new daughter getting cold feet.

It turned out to be a wise precaution as Max saw the quivering fleshy blobs on a cart next to a very ominous table.

"What the hell are those?"

"That's your new derriere Beatrice. My daughter was quite well endowed in the rear dearie."

"Hell no, I've changed my mind! Get yourself another princess."

"I'm sorry but we don't have the time or luxury to do that."

She made a little gesture to the royal physician who had come up behind Max unnoticed. He quickly plunged a syringe into his neck. In a moment Max went glassy-eyed and crumpled to the floor before anyone could catch him.

"Don't just stand there. Pick him up and get to work."

The physician ordered the technicians to pick up Max and strip him while the queen watched. They placed him on the table and began coating his body with a thick paste that they left on for fifteen minutes. The physician thought it was a good thing the young man was unconscious as the substance was quite caustic, designed to permanently destroy every hair on his body except his head.

There the substance was more carefully applied to remove what little beard Max had. After the time expired they carefully wiped all of the substance away along with his hair. The royal physician thought about how much money he could make selling this substance on the sly to the ladies of the court who had to endure old-fashioned methods like plucking the hairs individually. He was sure many of them had quite hairy legs and armpits hidden under their gowns.

Once they had wiped everything away the techs applied soothing oils to soften his skin. They also made something very hard and the queen muttered to herself that whoever chose the name Max for the young man must have been prescient.

It seemed a shame to waste something that glorious especially as it would never be seen again. The queen ordered everyone from the room and locked the door. She then dropped her drawers, lifted her voluminous skirt and petticoats and climbed aboard.

Outside everyone waited and listened. The queen seemed quite excited about something, shouting, "YES," several times before things got quiet. A few minutes later a very flushed looking queen opened the door and told the physician to carry on. He couldn't help noticing that it would no longer be necessary to use the ice to make Max shrink so they could fit the lower piece to his person.

It was a struggle but the carefully measured and created reproduction of Beatrice's lady parts and derriere were in place and the physician liberally applied additional GLOO. The inside of the piece had been coated with it and now it was applied to all the edges while smoothing them down until they merged with his skin and it was impossible to discern where Max ended and Beatrice began.

A similar piece was pulled down onto his chest and the GLOO again applied. Three days from now those parts would be fully bonded and irremovable without surgery. There was no solvent in the whole kingdom even if Max had known about the GLOO and its special bonding properties.

His work done, the royal physician, had the new princess wrapped in a sheet and carried to her bedchamber. He would leave dressing her to her maids and new ladies-in-waiting.