This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. ©2019.
All the work I post here is in its first draft format. I do this so that you can still read what I'm writing and so you have a reason to buy my books when they are edited and published, alongside supporting me as a person of course.

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Rairy Contrary Chapter 2 Agonizing Retreat

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Mom wasn’t home, I checked. Her room was finally free for me to explore and I could finally feel some semblance of normality. I didn’t particularly like her clothes but they made whatever it was in my brain that hated what I am now feel better.

I slowly made my way down the hall, I went slowly out of habit, not disturbing mom was ingrained in my head. I swung the door open and felt a thump as I was opening it. There was a glass behind the door, I had to remember to put it back when I finished up in here. The floor was a little wet so I got a towel and wiped it up. Mom was always forgetting glasses and stuff like that all over the house.

I left the towel on the floor so it could sop up the liquid, I hoped that she wouldn’t miss a little water or whatever it was.

I couldn’t wait to get into her closet and explore all the frilly, girly things she had in there. Mom didn’t usually wear any of that stuff anymore. She used to wear them when Dad was still with us but after he left she stopped.

As I opened the closet a vast array of colors hit my eyes, it seemed so wasteful for her to have all these clothes and choose not to wear them.

I pulled out a particular garment I had been eyeing for quite some time. It was this blue dress that had a low v-neck. I saw mom wear this once a few years back, she looked so care-free in it.

I pulled off all of my clothes except for my underwear and socks. Slipping into the dress was easy because I was pretty small. Mom’s closet had a mirror on both doors so I took a step to the side and I did a little twirl in front of it. It didn’t quite fit right, it was definitely too big for me but I liked it anyway.

I stepped back over to the open part of the closet and bent over shuffling through her shoes. There was a jet-black pair of heels that looked like they might match so I slipped those on. They were too big as well and very hard to walk in but I enjoyed wearing them.

I shimmied over to the bed having to partially drag my feet and the shoes along with me. I turned around and did my best to gracefully sit on the bed. I automatically crossed my legs and turned to myself in the mirror. The heel on my crossed leg dangled in the air, barely on my foot.

“You look lovely today Rairy.” I chirped to myself.

“Oh this old thing,” I responded to the reflection. I’d heard that in a movie Mom watched once.

“Do you know what would really go good with those?”

“What darling?” I asked.

“Earrings.” the reflection said to me with a sly smile.

“You are absolutely right!” I squealed.

I did my best to get up off the bed and shimmy over to the dresser with the Mom’s jewelry box on it. I reached out and hesitated, my hand floating just above the box. The last time I touched this bad things happened. I shook off my fear and opened the box anyways and dug around for my favorite earrings. I found what I was looking for so I bent over, held them up to my ears, and gazed at myself in the mirror.

My hair was the first thing that stood out or maybe it didn’t stand out because I had none. After my punishment Mom took me directly to the barbers and had them shave it as close a possible. One day I vowed I would have beautiful hair that flowed down my shoulders.

I didn’t exactly know when Mom was supposed to be home but I really wanted to try on some makeup. *At least some lipstick,* I thought.

Moms makeup box was on the desk as well so I turned to it, put the earrings down and opened the box up. The distinct makeup smell hit me instantly, somehow it helped me relax. On the bottom of the box several different types of lipstick were scattered around. There was a dark red one that I really liked. I opened it up and spun the bottom like I saw in the movies. A small stick of red pushed its way up past the plastic. I bent over, looked at myself in the jewelry boxes mirror and lightly tapped my lips with lipstick. I rubbed my lips together and the lipstick spread around. It looked pretty good so I stopped, slid the cap back on, dropped it into the makeup-box and closed it. My look complete I grabbed the earrings and looked into the jewelry boxes mirror. I could see myself but I wanted a better view so I shimmied over to the closet mirror.

I looked at myself and I thought I looked nice. My face changed from happy to sad as I was overcome with shame. Why was I doing this? Was the risk worth it? I decided, It was definitely wor-

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my Mom’s car pulling into the driveway.

I immediately kicked the high heels off my feet into the closet and closed it. I ran over to the jewelry case, tossed the earrings in and slammed it shut. I collected my clothes and the towel tossing them out of the room. I bent over and grabbed the glass and backed out of the room, careful to place the glass where it was before I opened the door.

I looked down at myself and realized that I still had the dress on. “Oh my god!” I screamed to myself. I reached for Mom’s door and heard the jingle of keys at the front door. I grabbed my clothes, the towel, ran directly into the bathroom and locked the door.

---

I woke up and gasped at the air, my body trying to get as much of that precious gas as it could. Becky was kneeling down in front of me talking but I couldn't hear what she was saying. A piercing sound assaulted my ears and I grabbed at them plugging them up. The sound subsided shortly after and I pulled my fingers out of my ears.

“Rairy!” Becky screamed at me. She turned around to look at the door.

I couldn’t concentrate enough to really understand what was happening. I tried to look at her but my stomach was hurting, I clenched balling up as she looked at me.

Becky put a hand on my shoulder and said, “Rairy I was so worried, you weren’t breathing.”

I moaned in response. She started rubbing my back and I was beginning to relax so I closed my eyes.

“No, Rairy!” she screamed shaking me, “You need to stay awake!”

I opened my eyes back up and lazily looked at her. This time my chest started hurting and I grasped at it. Every breath intensified the pain. It was too much for me.

***

I slowly opened my eyes, a man was kneeling over me, I panicked and tried to move away but my chest felt as if it were on fire. I immediately stopped moving in fear of causing any more damage. I noticed that the man had a uniform on which made me comfortable enough to relax. I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes.

---

My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest. I pushed myself away from the bathroom door and stripped down to my underwear. I had no idea where to put the dress so I did my best to fold it and set it on the toilet seat.

I looked at myself in the mirror and it was weird to see myself with the lipstick on. I leaned in close to look at myself. The lipstick made my eyes stand out, they were a striking blue.

A knock sounded at the door, and I heard my mom say, “Ray, what are you doing in there?”

“Taking a bath, Mom!” I rushed over to the tub and turned on the hot water.

“Don’t use up all of the hot water!”

“I won’t!”

It was quiet for a moment and then I heard the front door slam shut. I peeked outside the window and saw mom walk off towards the liquor store across the street.

As fast as I could, I grabbed the dress and ran back into Mom’s room. I, of course, knocked the glass over again so I quickly picked it up and hung the dress back up too. I walked into Mom’s bathroom and filled the glass back up with water. I walked backwards setting the glass back where it was as I backed out of Mom’s room.

“What the fuck were you doing in my room this time you little asshole?!”

I turned around and Mom was standing behind me. She grabbed my face and wiped her thumb across my lips smudging some of the lipstick from my lips.

The fury on her face sent shivers down my spine.

---

Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep.

I awoke to a rhythm of beeps. I was having problems opening my eyes but eventually one of them opened.

I was in a white room lying on a strange-looking bed.

The memories of what had happened came flooding back.

I leaned forward and immediately regretted it. A searing pain shot through my chest as if someone had stabbed me. I immediately fell back onto the bed.

I began to panic struggling to sit up and an alarm went off. *Shit!*

Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep, Be-

The beeping machine was going crazy.

*I have to get out of here!* I was worried about getting back to my foster parent's house to watch her kid.

A man came rushing into the room. He was wearing hospital scrubs.

*I’m in a hospital?*

I leaned my head up to get a better look at him. I tried to say something by my throat was dry and only a squeak came out.

“You’re awake,” he said and sighed with relief.

I was struggling to keep my eye open, the other eye wouldn’t open.

“Are you in pain? he asked.

I nodded.

He pressed a button to silence the machine, then pressed another button, I heard a small noise and started to feel really good.

The beeping came back on, the rhythm began to slow and I slowly closed my eye.

---

“You little fuck!”

Mom grabbed me by the arm and tossed me into my room. I felt like a doll she was throwing around.

She slammed the door and locked me in. I curled up into a ball and began to weep.

---

Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep…

The rhythmic beeping was starting to annoy me. I slowly opened my eye, the right one was still sealed shut for some reason.

Beep-Beep.

I looked around the room and no one was here. There was a small window near my bed and it looked like it was night time. *Shit!*

I tried to sit up but when I did pain in my stomach and chest flared up. I slumped back onto my back and took a look around. The EKG monitor at least that's what I thought it was called was causing the offending noise.

I remembered when I was in the hospital as a kid and there was a device to call a nurse. I looked for it and found it lying next to my right hand. I pressed the button and a little green light came on.

Between the rhythm of the beeps and whatever drugs they had me on made time flow pretty fast. Before I knew it, a nurse was in the room.

I looked over at the nurse and smiled at her.

“Hey there,” she said, ”you got bruised up pretty bad.”

I tried to respond but my throat was dry and I couldn’t vocalize anything. I made a glass tilting movement to indicate that I needed something to drink.

“Oh,” she said. She looked around for a moment and grabbed a glass of water that I didn’t know was there. She pressed a button and the back of my bed slowly rose up. It took an agonizingly long time.

I had a much better view of the room and of my body from this position. My hands were outside of the sheets and my left arm had an IV in it.

“There we go.” she reached forward and slowly helped me take a drink.

When she finished I tried to speak, “Wh-” I grabbed at my throat and nearly pulled out the IV. I closed my eyes in pain.

The nurse checked the IV to make sure it was ok and after she fiddled with it for a moment she left it alone.

“Phone.” I barely whispered.

“What?” she asked and leaned forward.

“Phone.”

She nodded and brought me a small pile of my things.

“We already contacted your foster parents,” she said as I was digging through my things.

That was a relief, though I was still not happy that I missed babysitting and I hoped that Carol wasn’t mad at me. I stopped looking for my phone and relaxed some.

“She was already here and said she would be back in the morning if you were wondering.”

I slowly nodded and handed my things back to the nurse. She took them and set them in a chair near the bed.

“You should get some-” she put a hand on my shoulder and I cringed away from her. “r-rest.”

She looked hurt but didn’t say anything else, double-checked my machine and left the room.

---

The repeated slap of the paddle on my behind was like a release valve for my tear ducts. I could see the drops from my eyes fall onto my comforter creating little dark spots. I must have leaned my face into the comforter because a red lipstick stain was just below the dark spots.

*Do I deserve this?* I wondered.

---

“Rairy.” I heard someone say.

“Rairy, wake up.”

I slowly opened my eye and noticed Carol was in the room with me. I smiled at her, everything was a bit fuzzy.

“Hi, moaaam.” I slurred and tried again, “m-moaaam.” I laughed at myself.

Carol grinned at me and said, “It’s time to go home.”

I don’t know where she came from but there was also a nurse in the room with a wheelchair.

I was suddenly worried when I saw the wheelchair.

I turned to Carol and asked, “Amm I g-going trre die?

“No honey you’re not going to die.” She looked over at the nurse, then back at me and said, “No, you’re going home.”

I slowly nodded my head. I inhaled and there was a pain in my chest.

“Whaa haappened?” I wondered aloud.

“Someone at school hurt you.” I saw her wipe a tear away from under her eye.

“I doan’t like being haart.” I said and covered up my scarred ear. I could feel the tears come.

***

I felt a shuddering as the car stopped. I looked over and Carol was in the car with me so I weakly smiled at her.

She smiled back at me and said, “Say there, I’ll get Rick to help you inside.”

***

Rick my foster Dad helped me into my room and left me there to rest. My room was just as I remembered it, cramped. I had to share it with Lacy. Lacy is my ten-year-old foster sister and she follows me everywhere like glue or gum stuck on my shoe.

Allen the youngest of the other foster kids in the house is five and shares a room with Gabe, Lacy’s twin brother.

I had no reason to stay awake so I carefully sat on my bed, slowly laid down on my back and closed my eyes.

***

Standing was hard and walking was even worse. Every move I made hurt. Somehow inch by agonizing inch I made it to the kitchen. I had to eat something; I was starving. I pulled on the fridge door and my chest felt like it was lit on fire.

It was early in the morning and I still wasn’t sure if I was going to have to go to school or not today.

I pulled on the door again and the pain was even worse. I couldn’t open it. I slowly lowered myself onto the floor let the tears stream down my face.

Carol and Rick don’t make food. Even the five-year-old cooks more than they did.

***

Cereal with water was going to have to do. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was etable. I almost didn’t even taste the disgusting tap water aftertaste, almost.

***

Carol told me that I took multiple kicks to my face, chest, stomach and legs. Several of my ribs were bruised, I had a hernia on my stomach, and my eye was so bad they had to cut it to drain it, like a boxer.

I’d also found out that Carol had to pull me out of the hospital early because she couldn’t afford to keep me there.

She told me to stay home and rest while she went to my school to find out exactly how this happened. I didn’t remember being hit that many times.

***

Rick came into the house and must have noticed me on the couch because I heard him yell, “Sleep in your room, not in here!”

Yes, that’s what I needed was more pain. At least he offered to help me to my room.

***

Eating didn’t seem like something I wanted to do, or maybe it was the pain that was persuading me to stay in bed. Either way I could always lose a few pounds or twenty.

***

A searing pain shot through my chest and my eyes shot open. Lacy shook my shoulder and the pain repeated itself, I hissed and whimpered.

“Here’s some water Rairy.”

I did my best to turn away from her and fall back asleep, I knew she was trying to be nice but the pain made me want to strangle her.

***

“I could try going back today,” I suggested.

“I don’t know Rairy, you can barely walk.”

I hated being cooped up in this house. When she suggested I start watching the kids my pain suddenly got worse. Must have been the pain fairy or something like that.

***

I had to admit the week off helped me a ton, I could even open the fridge again which was an improvement.

I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted to go back to school but taking care of the five-year-old was getting annoying as hell.

***

From what I gathered from Carol and Becks, Becks and Ms. Anderson had to go to the restroom and that’s why I didn’t see them. After Howard kicked me a few times Ms. Anderson pulled him off of me and drug him outside. Somehow he got past her went back into the restroom and hit me several more times while I was unconscious.

I hoped they expelled that asshole.

***

Another week and I was sure I was ready to head back to school. I wasn’t back to normal by far but I could at least maneuver a lot faster than the week before.

Surprisingly there wasn’t any news about Howard, I figured they would have expelled him by now.

***

My pack was heavier than I remembered it being but I was able to make it to my first class with ease. I kept getting these angry looks from other students though which was pretty confusing.

***

My first couple classes weren’t too bad but the looks from the other students persisted. *What the fuck!* I was starting to get pissed.

***

I couldn’t stand it anymore so I just shut out the world avoiding eye contact with everyone.

I sat down in Mr. B’s class and started opening up my bag when I saw Howard walk into class. He give me the biggest shit eating grin I’d ever seen.

***

I didn’t know when I did it but I was standing up with my pack on my shoulder and I was halfway across the room ready to beat the fuck out of him when Mr. B jumped in front of me.

I darted from side to side trying to get past him but I was too slow and in too much pain.

Howard slowly walked to one of the desks at the back of the room and sat down.

“Fuck this shit!” I spat and pushed Mr. B out of the way and made my way out of his classroom.

***

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This story is pretty triggering and can be pretty hard for me to write. Getting my head into the headspace to write this is tough on me so bare with me as it may be slow going.