By the time she returned, sans dress, makeup and definitely looking far more comfortable, I had assembled a variety of goodies upon the tea cart; cheeses, cut fruit, bits of this and that and a pile of toast. She added a bottle of wine that needed finishing and two glasses. We wheeled the cart into the cave, put the television on to a music channel, and sat of the couch to feast.

We enjoyed simply sitting and talking and feeding each other little bits of what was on the cart. I felt a pleasant and warm aura surround us, a very familiar sense of being in a home, as we sat there. I was afraid I was becoming spoiled and I didn’t intend to stop it or do anything to change that. And it was entirely due to Allie.

She finally fell asleep with her feet on my lap after I had massaged them. I managed to slip out from under her, cover her with a blanket, and sneak off into my room where I took a shower and masturbated thinking of her…and Peter.

The next day we both slept in. It had snowed a bit more to add a new coat of whiteness to the already dirty shades city snow tended to adopt almost as rapidly as it fell. Allie came into my bedroom to wake me and she climbed between the sheets to fend off the coolness of the morning. I was on my side facing her and she giggled as she watched me. Her aroma permeated the air and I found that to be quite enticing.

“So…” She said with a giggle. “This is what it would be like to wake up next to you.”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I really didn’t know what to say. I giggled and pulled the blanket over my head.

“Oh… No you don’t!” Allie pulled the blanket back down. “We have to decide what to do today. I think we should go up to Eight street and see if anything is open. Maybe we can find you some shoes and I’m sure we can find a shawl of some sort.”

I so desired to reach out and just touch Allie’s face but I was frozen. I kind of realized that at this particular moment she saw me as her roommate…maybe even her female roommate…and as her friend; her female friend. I gazed at her and smiled. Inside I felt like grabbing her and hugging her to me. I felt like screaming out how I wanted her. But all I could do was gaze and smile.

“It’s going to be really yucky walking around out there.” That was all I could offer.

“Well…you have those work shoe sort of things I’ve seen you wear in the studio.”

“Yeah…but I’ll need to wear heavy socks with them.”

“Just bring a pair of knee highs with you. Or wear them underneath your socks. You’ll certainly be warmer that way.”

There was no defeating Allie when she had a plan nor did I really want to.

“Okay… We’ll eat when we get there?”

“Yeah… So you’re up for it?”

Her eyes were wild and bright and she was nodding her head furiously. She was definitely excited about going out and doing a little shopping; especially for shoes.

“Uhhh…sure.” I giggled.

Suddenly Allie hopped up and threw the blanket off of her. She squealed and jumped on top of me. I pulled the blanket over my head again as she began to bounce on top of me. Although I loved her playful moods, which seemed to be coming more often of late, this was something totally new.

She was like a little kid playing with a younger sibling maybe? I was laughing as she then tried to tickle me, and I might add quite successfully, through the blanket. Then, with one swift strong movement, she pulled the blanket entirely off of me and bounced out of the bed.

“Okay sleepy head… Time to get moving...”

And Allie ran off to her room leaving me laughing and cussing and wondering what had gotten into her.

I hurried and managed to shower and get partially dressed within a half hour. I forwent my morning fantasy session in the shower for fear of Allie suddenly coming in and surprising me. Whilst she has never done that before, this new frisky side of her was…well…new and not very predictable; although I must say I enjoyed seeing the child in her so close to the surface.

Today would be a blue jean day so I grabbed my one pair of semi-ratty low rise jeans. I sometimes wore these in the studio. I was a bit perturbed that they were becoming too tight to button where not very long ago they were quite loose. They were unduly tight on my butt and hips. This was obviously a result of the ‘mones I’d been taking for several months now.

Next I dug for my pink sweat shirt with the rose colored beading. I would own this sweat shirt till it was only a scrape of fabric. It was my fave for several years and, in truth, was one of the first obviously femme garments I bought when I began school here in the city. One of the first things I did upon arriving here from the Bakersfield area was to ditch almost all my clothes and buy a new, more suitable wardrobe. Of course I didn’t eat very well for the next month and one half having used so much of my stipend.

I found a pair of sweat socks to put on over my thigh highs and I put on my huge clunky tan work boots…really very heavy shoes…and tied the laces. Next I was off to the bathroom to put on the final touches of a day out in town. A touch or two of mascara, a swipe of blush, a pale pink lipstick and a coat of light reddish lip gloss and I was ready to face the world.

I met Allie in the kitchen sipping her coffee. She was unduly fast in dressing today as well. She looked so cute in a flannel tartan shirt and her jeans. She was wearing heavy white socks and her moccasins. I knew she wasn’t wearing her moccasins out so I was a bit mystified until I saw a pair of bright yellow down filled boots with black clamps that snugged them up.

We drove up to the Village and parked in a garage. Allie insisted that I drive, yet again. She said I needed the practice and, to be totally honest, that was no doubt true. I can’t say that having a car in the city is a convenience but on crappy days like today, it sure beats trying to get a cab or an Uber to go anywhere.

I must say that within minutes of our arrival I found a pair of silver pumps that would suit the dress, and the occasion, perfectly. And… This would be my first real pair of heels…all two and one half stiletto inches of them. I saw a pair of open toed kitten heels that would be perfect as well. After kicking off my heavy shoes and socks, I tried both pairs on. And both fit my delicate feet perfectly.

Though I’d often admired the look of high heels, I could never seem to get around to owning any. The height was quite intimidating for one thing. And I was in dire fear of falling and perhaps breaking an ankle or some other body part that I would be in need of.

I once tried walking in a pair of four inch heels but that proved way daunting and I didn’t even get to the end of the shop. But both seemed gentle enough and the inner sole was cushioned for comfort. Allie, of course, wanted me to try on several different heights and I did. I went as high as four and one half inches but I didn’t walk more than maybe five or six feet and I held onto her shoulder as I cautiously stepped along in them.

I felt myself giving way lately. I was not really very sure to what but I knew one thing for sure; I was really trusting Allie as I had never trusted anyone before. Just the very act of trying on that gown was a major change in the way I perceived myself. Now with the impending donning of that wonderful cocktail dress for an evening out with Peter, and new potential client and his wife, my following Allie’s lead implicitly was a new giant leap of faith.

As Allie tried on several different shoes, I walked…no…strutted back and forth in the shop. Every time I passed by a mirror, I would look at the pumps on my feet and silently scream ‘WOW’. I even raised the legs of my jeans as much as I could just to see how the shoes made my calves stand out and how my thigh highs disappeared into the upper vamp. In truth, at that moment, I knew that these would not be the last pairs of heels I bought.

After Allie had her fill of trying on different styles of shoes, we gathered our things, two boxes heavier, and walked out of the shop toward Sixth Avenue. We gazed into the windows of the various shops trying to find that one special missing piece; a shawl or stole that would complete my outfit.

Thankfully Allie and I always seemed to be on the same wave length when it came to art, food and fashion. She suggested that we walk down Sixth until we came to Bleeker Street. She knew of a very nice Italian deli type of place where we could get something to eat. Finally, with snow lightly falling and our noses freely running as the temperature dropped, we came upon Faicco’s.

Now I must confess that I have never really been a big fan of Italian food. I mean everything always seems to be in red sauce, or on red sauce. And ninety nine percent of the time is was pizza or pasta…with red sauce. Allie was quite knowledgeable on my criticism and has wanted to expose me to the ‘other side’ of Italian cuisine.

Of course I immediately thought that a deli would not necessarily be the proper location to sample gourmet foods but I was wrong. Allie set to work ordering starting with a salad plate of various sliced meats, cheeses, peppers and olives. Then she went for the rice balls and another salad thingy with chopped tomatoes, onions, little green thingies, and it was served on spiced bread.

I mean we really had a feast and everything was really so good. Granted, the cheeses and some of the meats didn’t smell so great but as soon as they got past my oversized nose and into my mouth…well…I couldn’t get enough! The entire meal was a veritable orgasm for the mouth, and tummy.

We finished our meal splitting a chocolate cannoli and cappuccinos. As I sipped my coffee, I thought about how much bigger my world had become since leaving school. Then I thought about Peter and the dinner Tuesday night and I had to giggle.

“What?” Allie looked up with a relaxed expression and a smile on her face.

“Nothing…” I shook my head and smiled. “I’m just thinking about the dinner and how different life is these days.”

“You’re not kidding!” Allie giggled and leaned in closer. “I never thought I’d ever see you in a dress and now you can’t wait to wear one!”

“Very funny…!” I rolled my eyes and exhibited my ‘give me a break’ look.

“I know. But that’s what life’s about once you leave school. It’s the real world coming at you.”

“I know that. But…” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “…sometimes I feel a bit lost. Like this dinner thing. I mean…why am I there? Nobody is a better salesman than Peter.”

“Maybe…” Allie thought for a moment and spoke very seriously. “…you’re playing his wife.”

“What?” I was very surprised at her answer.

“Well…? This guy is bringing his wife…right? Peter probably wants someone there to kind of even the odds? And he does want someone there he can trust to do the right thing?”

“The right thing?” WTF??? “And what would that be?”

“That’s easy.” Allie laughed. “Simply follow his lead. And…if you can…keep the wife totally occupied. Yeah... Don’t let her feel left out. There’s a reason he’s bringing her and I doubt it’s just to keep tabs on him.”

“What?” Huh?

“Oh God…” Allie rolled her eyes and smiled patiently. “…maybe it’s her money?”

“Ohhh… Yeah...” Hmmm… I looked at my nails. “I wish I could get my nails done before Tuesday night.” I looked up at Allie. “I was thinking of maybe going really dramatic, you know? Maybe like ox blood red or even deeper; smoky eyes or something…anything different. I want to look hot, you know?”

I wanted Allie’s opinion. I needed Allie’s opinion.

“You are so bad!” Allie laughed. “You’re getting worse than me.”

“Why?” I was really curious why she would say something like that.

“Because! All you want to do is get fucked by Peter. Are you planning on sleeping with him?”

Sometimes Allie’s bluntness shocked me and this was no exception. She giggled and eyed me with an odd expression. It was kind of like she knew something I didn’t…which was usually true anyway. I’d actually thought about both; getting fucked and sleeping over. I must admit the getting fucked sounded more appealing than the sleeping over part?

“You know…sometimes I want him so badly that I can’t stand it. I mean like sometimes I have to just get up and leave the office.”

I could feel tears start to well up and that weird pain of desire unfulfilled begin. Allie looked at me and smiled quite sympathetically as she nodded her head in agreement. She understood just what I felt.

And then there are times I really desired Allie. Now a tear did fall. I caught it, and one or two others, with my napkin. I want to…I don’t know…be naked with her? I want to touch her and feel her and bury myself in her. It’s like I want to have a religious experience with her.

“You what…?”

Allie’s voice brought me back to the present…thankfully.

“You know.” I raised my hands and looked up at the ceiling and said in a voice not quite loud enough to be heard by the entire deli; “OH…! MY…! GOD…!”

“Ohhh…” Allie giggled. “One of ‘those’… I happen to be very fond of ‘those’ myself although I haven’t had one of ‘those’ in some time now.”

“Why can’t I have even one?”

Okay… So I whined. Nobody’s perfect you know.

“Who says you can’t?” Allie smiled at me with a look of amazement.

I actually thought about it for a moment…but…

“Suppose it was you? Would you want to share someone you loved with somebody else?” Then I remembered. She did…although she didn’t know it. “I mean if he’s not married?”

I don’t think I made my faux pas any better with that statement. And Allie was cutting me no slack with a very hard glaring gaze. Then she laughed.

“I know what you mean. All three would have to agree with what’s going on and then the question of it meaning that the three must be faithful to the others or can they in turn have another lover as well. I mean what’s good for the goose and all that.”

“Huh?”

“And then what about special occasions and holidays? I mean who gets custody of the one in the middle? That’s you! Do you do Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other or do you all move in together and have a nice chummy life?” Allie laughed again.

“You’re not being of any help. This is very serious for me. I don’t know what to do.”

Okay… So maybe I tend to whine a lot. But I was so very confused and I was looking for…something…anything; a hint or a clue.

“Look sweet heart… I certainly couldn’t say not to try out a few cars before you buy one? But buy only one. I would want total fidelity from anyone I was going to have a relationship with. I’ve yet to get that. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I simply haven’t found the right person yet.”

I listened to Allie and I nodded in agreement. I understood what she was trying to tell me. I had to make a choice.

“And I think you would want to same. I mean…”

Allie began speaking with her hands as well as her words. I loved that manner in which she would suddenly become very animated.

“You are so very sensitive to so many different things…and emotions. I know that you would want one person you could trust completely. Now I’m sure both of the people you are interested in would be trustable, but what happens when you wind up with two conflicting views? Look at what you’re going through right now.”

Allie certainly had a point. I was going crazy between the two of them and I hadn’t even done anything…provocative? I felt that Peter was especially dangerous for me. I couldn’t even be around him without trembling with excitement. He has this aura of masculinity that kind of overwhelms me if I get too close to him. If he has me within arm’s length…it’s all over. It takes every bit of my will power not to drop to my knees and…well…you know. And I’m around him nearly as much as I’m around Allie.

But once I get past the physicality of his being, there’s really not much else. I mean it’s not like he’s an air head or anything. And he does seem to understand me. On an artistic level he allows me complete freedom in doing my job and I do enjoy his counsel which is only offered when I request it?

But there’s no touching of our spirits. It’s kind of like two people on parallel paths but those paths simply can’t seem to intersect at any point other than the sexual one. Yeah, I know, it’s the artist within me speaking. But, let’s face it, that’s what I am.

With Allie it’s different…very different. It’s definitely not like I want to drop to my knees and stick my face into her vagina. And it’s definitely not that I want to rip off all her clothes and…well…fuck her brains out. I mean there is definitely a very strong physical component to what I feel toward her. It’s just not really very sexual as much as…sensual?

But the other part, the touching of the spirits, it’s definitely there and it’s definitely strong. We commune on so many different levels it seems. When we work together on something, and we do work together oh so well, it’s almost like another part of me is speaking through her.

And she seems to see what very little my eyes miss. I love it when she critiques something I’m working on and I need an opinion. Though I trust Peter on a visual level, I trust Allie on an artistic level as well.

When I think about our past together, I can’t help but recall all of the moments, both big and little, that Allie willingly assisted in the growth of ‘Andi’. She not only assisted but also initiated some aspects of my persona; from my first visit to the salon to the gifting of my ‘boobs’ and now to the gifting of my very first cocktail dress.

Okay, I’ll grant you that perhaps she was playing with me as if I was a live Barbi Doll. And certainly she took great joy and pleasure whenever we ‘played’ in that fashion. But she also never seemed to call it a game or playing. And she never belittled me because of this little eccentricity of mine. She made it all seem so…so natural…so…normal.

To Peter’s great credit, he never looked at me as some kind of…freak? His treatment of me as an employee, and as a human being, exhibited nothing other than the greatest respect and even admiration. I’m sure that the reason my co-workers were more tolerant of my behavior and manner of dress was due to Peter’s, and Rhona’s, complete and unconditional acceptance of me.

Of course the real problem is my persona; the ‘femme’ Andi. Will I, or have I, become so ‘femme’ that Peter will not be able to accept me as a lover. I mean, after all, he is decidedly gay and, by definition, desires men. His attraction to me certainly hasn’t lessened as my physical image becoming closer to my mental image of how I should look. But will I reach a point where all that was male within me becomes so sublimated that he can no longer associate me with that particular gender?

The same holds true with Allie. Bless her heart, Allie never altered her relationship with me because of my appearance and, if anything, we’ve become even closer. But have I become so femme that she cannot see me as a lover because she also desires men…and all that is masculine in nature.

“Earth to Andi…earth to Andi…? Where are you Andi?” Allie giggled.

I became so lost in thought that I failed to hear her speaking to me.

“Sorry…” I laughed. “I was just thinking about things.”

“I think it’s time to get going sweetie. It’s starting to snow for real and we do need to walk back to the car.”

I looked out the window and saw that although it was only about two, the darkness of the sky and the snow made it seem later, much later. I paid the bill and we bundled up to brave the cold and snowy walk. Arms linked, we began our trek. The entire way back to the car my mind was still occupied with my dilemma. Allie certainly lent clarity to my situation and now the only thing left for me to do is exert some restraint and make my decision.

Upon returning home, I realized that we were still shy one important piece to my ensemble; the shawl…stole. I couldn’t wait to see how both pairs of shoes looked with the dress so I quickly disrobed and put on the dress again and then the pumps. I walked around my bedroom several times gazing at myself in the mirror and savoring the feeling of both the shoes on my feet and the dress against my body. I did the same with the sandals.

Allie came in and looked quite pleased that I was enjoying her gift. She sat on my bed and watched me parade about.

“You really look killer in that dress. I wish I could wear something like that.” I could hear a hint of sadness in Allie’s voice.

“Yeah? Well I wish I could wear some of the things you have.”

That was the truth. She was so curvaceous that anything draping or with a revealing top made her look like a Grecian or Roman Goddess. Or, my favorite analogy was an urban fertility Goddess.

“Oh God Allie, what am I going to do about the shawl? I mean I really have no cleavage to speak of and I don’t want to have to fake it.” I turned toward the mirror and even with the pinned straps, without something to distract the eye from my obvious lack of boobage, the look was hit or miss.

“Don’t worry honey. I’ll find something tomorrow. I can stop at Bergdorf’s during lunch and if I can’t find anything, there’s always Bloomies after work.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I knelt and hugged Allie. We always seemed to go the extra little bit for each another.

The snow abated sometime during the night and Monday began with a bright sunny, but frigid, morning. I actually slept in real pajamas; flannel ones at that! And I definitely needed my moccasins and my robe to get from my bed to the bathroom. I remained an extra few minutes in the shower to luxuriate in the heat of the water. I managed to steam up the mirrors so that I needed to wipe them down several times between my getting dried and dressed.

I went to the kitchen to get a cup of delicious smelling coffee. Allie had already left for the day. Her first mission was to return the rented car but she never failed to make coffee before she did anything else. I poured a cup and then went to finish dressing; that is…to do my makeup.

This was another habit I acquired from Allie. She would never let herself be seen without the barest of minimums; lipstick, mascara and maybe eye shadow. Of course once the day was finished, or before it began, she went nude. But I was the only one who ever saw her that way.

The cab ride to work was a mess. Between the melting snow and slush and the normal Monday morning madness, it took nearly twice as long as usual. But once I had my second coffee and sat at Rhona’s desk talking about…stuff…things felt almost normal for the first day of the week.

I was definitely waiting for Peter to come in. I really had a few questions for him that were, I felt, important. I needed to know what the lighting would be like and what the menu was and who would be sitting next to whom. I mean, how I looked would depend somewhat on these things. Well…maybe not the menu…but other things.

I was discussion my new dress with Rhona when Peter did arrive. As usual he gazed at us, shook his head, chuckled, and continued on to his office. I quickly grabbed a cup for him and followed not quite behind him. I wanted to give him time to at least sit and get his day somewhat organized before entering. I figured I’d give him two or three minutes.

“How did I know…” Peter laughed. “…that you would be the first one in?”

I giggled as I set his coffee down on his desk. Peter took a sip without taking his eyes off of me.

“You do look super today.” I blushed hot pink…as usual. “So Andi…what’s on your mind?” He motioned me toward the chair in front of his desk.

“Well…” I sat on the edge of the chair with my hands on his desk. “…I kind of wanted to know where we were eating? I mean…what’s the lighting like?”

“It’s called The Café Avon. It’s a lovely place off of Broadway not too far from here. They have a lovely ambience and the lighting is subdued. The food, by the way, is excellent. Why do you ask?”

“Well…” I blushed and smiled demurely. “…I wanted to look…well…good, you know?”

“Oh Andi…” Peter said with a hint of exasperation in his voice. “You always look good.”

“I have this new cocktail dress that I thought I’d wear. It’s…” Peter held up his hand and laughed.

“Surprise me... You’re the artist and I trust your judgment. Anyway, I can’t think of anything you couldn’t do justice to.”

That was a very sweet way of saying he wasn’t interested in discussing my wardrobe.

“Well…what are these people like?”

“That’s a good question. Evidentially the father owns the company but he’s not well enough to handle the day to day affairs. He’s sending his son-in-law and daughter to meet with us. The wife seems to be quite sharp. Apparently he’s a born again type of late so I really don’t know how it’s going to go.”

“So maybe I should say nothing?”

“Actually…I would rather have you speak and I say nothing.” Peter laughed.

He has such a wonderful laugh; free, open, and so full. I had to giggle.

“I think that you’ll be fine. Just answer anything that comes your way and try not to give them too much info. They probably won’t understand anything technical so don’t go there.”

“So I should simply follow your lead.”

“If you want to put it that way…yes…that would be fine.” Peter leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. “Look, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Just be yourself and everything will be fine.”

He smiled confidently at me so what else could I do…I smiled confidently back at him.

“Oh…” I had to clear my throat for this one. “I need to leave after lunch tomorrow.”

Peter arched both eyebrows and smiled waiting to hear this one.

“I need to have my nails done?”

Peter broke up with laughter as he nodded his head. He wrote down the name and the address of the restaurant and the time I needed to be there. I must admit he was always very lenient with me when it came to my…unique requests? But… Then again… I guess he liked whatever result occurred. At least he never complained.

I got a text message from Allie in the afternoon to let me know that my nail appointment was for three on Tuesday and that she also found the perfect shawl at Bergdorf’s. Leave it to Allie to come up with just what is needed at the right time. Although I must say that a three o’clock appointment did make things a bit tight. I had to be at the restaurant by six to meet Peter.

Whilst I could dress and be ready for a night out in about an hour or so…that’s from into the shower to the front door…I always liked to take a bit of extra time when a special occasion was involved such as tonight. Everything had to be perfect. It’s kind of like doing a painting. I would sometimes take as long as twenty minutes just to do my eyes.

Once I was home I anxiously awaited the arrival of Allie and my new shawl. I was nervous, to say the least. Tomorrow evening was to be a huge evening for more than just acquiring new business. There was this whole thing with Peter and I felt that I would have to decide that by the New Year.

After all, I was attending his party with Allie and that would be a whole other situation to contend with. I mean I couldn’t very well go with her and stay with someone else. And how would Peter feel if I didn’t stay after spending the evening with him tomorrow…if that even occurred?

I’m sure Allie would never forgive me if I had to uninvited her, and I really didn’t want her to spend New Year’s Eve alone. That wouldn’t be fair especially if she rejected other offers to party. It was all so very confusing to me; making a choice.

I was too wound up to work in the studio so I did the next best thing. I went into the kitchen and began to prepare something for us to eat. I was becoming somewhat adept in the kitchen and I discovered that I was able to take the barest of ingredients and come up with something that, if nothing else, could be spread across some bread. And, on more than a mere rare occasion, I could actually prepare a very good meal.

Sometime between caramelizing the onions and adding the finely sliced garlic to the olive oil the realization of a major league truth struck me in the head like a cement truck going full speed into a steel wall! Peter was going to be enamored with me tonight, tomorrow, next week and next month. I sensed nothing less. And in reality I encouraged nothing less. It wasn’t as though I was going out of my way to keep him stringing along. But I really did nothing to discourage him either.

I was being rather selfish and very unfair toward Peter. I realize that now but…what do they say…whoever the hell ‘they’ are…hindsight is twenty-twenty? Now all I really needed to do was to concentrate my efforts on Allie. I could deal with the guilt over Peter later.

A huge smile became affixed to my face and the heavy weight of indecision and anxiety lifted off my narrow shoulders just as the breaded veal cutlets hit the pan and Allie walked through the door.

“Oh my God!!! Something smells wonderful!”

I could feel as well as hear her smile as she entered the kitchen to drop her purse and bag on the counter along the wall.

“Somebody went all out tonight.”

Her voice lilted like a familiar aire as she came over and put her arms around me in greeting. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of her face against my neck.

“Mmmm… I guess I felt creative tonight.” I smiled as she turned to see what was cooking in the covered pot.

“Well… It sounds like someone’s in a good mood…for a change.” She laughed.

I must admit I had been moody since Peter told me about the dinner.

“Yeah… Well… I came to a decision today. I’m not going to sleep with Peter tomorrow night.”

“Oh my God…! Really…? And I went to all the trouble of finding just the perfect shawl for you.”

Allie went to her hobo bag and retrieved a box with the Bergdorf logo on it. She popped off the ribbon and then the top to remove a gorgeous metallic silver shawl. She then folded it perfectly into a stole so that I could see the effect.

“Oh my God…! It’s gorgeous!”

I reached out to touch the material. It was very lustrous and as a stole it was wide enough to obscure the parts…in question?

“I have to try this on!”

“Wait until after we eat. Anyway, since you’re not going to sleep with him, why bother? I mean, it is a lot of trouble to go through.” Allie picked at one of the baby asparagus steaming in a spiced concoction of water, lemon, and mixed peppercorns.

“You of all people…” I laughed. “…should ask such a thing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t walk out that door unless you look…” I couldn’t think of a word strong enough. “…amazing. And you always do look really amazing.”

Allie grasped my hand as she smiled and blushed candy pink.

Allie might have grown somewhat inure to my compliments. But I am also sure that she was truly beginning to believe the things I would say. It’s not like I was fabricating anything. It’s just that I know from my own experience hearing negative poopie shit about oneself year after year, especially during one’s formative years, takes a long time to come to terms with.

We spoke about different things as we ate but I must admit that my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about when and where I was going to make my intentions known to Allie. I truly must confess that fear was my biggest enemy.

I was so frightened about what I felt toward her. The emotions I felt toward her were so very powerful and pervasive. My fear and nervousness was equally as paralyzing with Peter. But at least with Peter there was a familiarity of gender and sexuality that was ever so slightly stronger than my fear of rejection and failure?

And of course I was able to at least ‘perform’ semi-adequately twice…with two different guys! And I must admit the experience was…pleasurable and mildly positive although not totally fulfilling

And what if she said ‘yes’? Then what…? I had no idea of what to do. I mean I had a very rough idea; but it’s one thing to boil and egg and quite another to make a quiche. With Allie, I wasn’t sure I could even ‘boil an egg’ and I so badly wanted to connect with her on so many different levels all at once.

That in itself was a mystery to me. I’ve know people who were girls and I’ve had associations with girls but this was something so totally different for me. I’d never felt such a strong and almost overwhelming desire…a strong and overwhelming physical desire…to be with a woman. I felt this was the only way to complete everything she’d become to me.

After dining and sorting out the dishes and cookware, I rushed to my bedroom to don the dress and shoes once again. I really wanted to try on the shawl and see what look would work the best. I tried it as a stole in the manner that Allie had originally folded it. Though it was okay, it did have that…ecumenical look? Then I tried a diagonal fold. That really didn’t work.

Finally I tried a single fold along the length. The width was now enough to cover me from my neck to several inched down my arm. Though it did obscure the lovely simplicity of the garment’s lines, my lack of enough boobage to properly fill the décolletage would not really be noticed. Another advantage to wearing the shawl in this manner is that it would also provide some protection against any chill within the restaurant.

Although neither of us was totally thrilled with this quick fix, we agreed that it would do. What would have worked nicely is a blazer in a matching cream color. We also agreed that this dress was totally uber cool and I would definitely make great use of it once I…once I grew out a little more?

Tuesday was a manic day for me. I didn’t sleep all that well to begin with. The evening was on my mind. The crispness of the morning air in my room certainly was the cold slap in the face I needed to at least become awake enough to begin my toiletries after fetching a cup of Allie’s wonderful coffee.

I managed to dry myself, do my face, dress, and finish my coffee all within one half hour. Now that is some kind of record. I rushed into the kitchen to try and have a second cup whilst coordinating my day with Allie. I knew it would take at least an hour to do my nails and Allie had sworn a ‘blood oath’ to do my makeup. With an appointment at three and allowing for whatever delays might occur, Allie would meet me here at four thirty.

I would need to wash and style my hair and dress before Allie could begin. I had full faith in her ability to affect the look I wanted. This had gone far beyond simply looking the part of the temptress for Peter.

I truly wanted to be the hottest looking individual in that restaurant. And I wanted to be that simply because I really thought I could. If it was within my powers, I would have wanted to be the hottest looking person in Manhattan! I was going to take my little performance art piece further than I ever had before.

“By the way, we have an appointment at that spa on Thursday.” Allie sipped her coffee and read a letter as she informed me.

“What?” I had completely forgotten about Jill’s wonderful gift!

“We’ll take the day.” Allie turned toward me. “Trust me, this is something that doesn’t come along very often and you do want to look and feel your absolute best for Peter’s party.” Allie giggled.

“Yeah… If I can get the time off…”

From the look on Allie’s face I knew I was a bit snarky in the tone of my reply.

I was slightly annoyed at Allie’s attitude. Well… Actually… I was slightly annoyed at myself more than at Allie. I was so busy getting wound up about tonight that I forgot about the main event! I quickly went to Allie and hugged her, burying my face in her neck.

“I’m sorry.” I said bringing my face up to meet hers. “I’m just so nervous about tonight.” I stepped back and picked up my coffee.

“It’s okay. I do understand. I also know that if it was me…? I’d rather be just about anywhere else.” She reached over and held my arm for a moment. “But if you want to really know something?” Allie gazed at me with excitement in her eyes. “You are going to be the evening because you are going to look so…so killer!” She laughed.

I thought about what she said all the way to the office. The streets were a mess so I took a cab. I could’ve walked there faster between the traffic and the mess of the melting snow. When I finally arrived, I found Rhona in her usual place with my coffee mug sitting in its usual spot opposite hers on her desk.

After depositing my things at my work station, I came back to sit and join Rhona for our usual morning ritual. From the moment I sat down I began to unload on poor Rhona. Every fear and insecurity and fault and frailty I could possibly think of was laid out for her to see. I began with my nose, of course. She patiently listened with an understanding smile on her face.

“Maybe you should switch to decaf?” Rhona said with a chuckle.

“Rhona…!!! Please…!!!”

Okay… So I was whining and maybe even close to tears. I really didn’t know what she could tell me to make me feel better but I had to at least vent a little? Rhona reached across and grasped my hand.

“Oh sweetie…is life moving too fast for you?” She smiled that maternal smile of hers. “Listen Andi… You’re way ahead of everyone’s game so I really wouldn’t worry one bit. Peter thinks you walk on water and he wouldn’t ask anything of you that he didn’t think you could handle. Trust me on that. He has to sit on these other characters…” Rhona nodded toward the other artists. “But he seems to leave you alone so go with it and enjoy.”

“Well…what about tonight? I mean it’s really a sales thingy. I’m not that good at that sort of thing.”

Rhona laughed and smiled maternally at me.

“Listen honey…I’m sure Peter would simply love…” She emphasized love. “…to have dinner with you on any night. But I know for a fact that the client wanted to meet the chief artist and that happens to be you.”

She touched my nose gently with her finger when she said ‘you’.

We spoke for a while longer and Rhona managed to calm me down enough to at least be able to think clearly about the day. Peter walked in and burst into laughter at seeing us doing our usual morning thing.

“Peter… You have this poor child so wound up and upset over this dinner thing. Tell her…” This was the very first time Rhona addressed me as ‘her’ that I could remember. “…that it’s no big deal and that it’s a very normal thing.”

Peter gazed at me, took a deep breath, and with his index figure signaled me to follow him as he started for his office. I grabbed his mug of coffee, my own, and off I went in his wake as he strode purposefully down the hallway.

“You know…” Peter began to speak before he even removed his coat. “You present some very interesting challenges around here.”

“What…?” What…! What challenges…? Peter sat down at his desk and took a sip of his coffee.

“Well…for one thing…Rhona thinks of you as a woman.” I was about to say something when Peter continued. “And so do the birds in the cage.” He refers to the other artists as the ‘birds in the cage’. “It’s becoming…interesting when I have to explain why Andrew doesn’t seem to exist and I am continually asked; ‘who’s Andi?’”

“Oh my God…! I am so sorry…”

“But…” Peter held up his hand to stop me from continuing.

“Fortunately, the boss, ole’ John Parker, doesn’t care if one comes into work naked with feathers in one’s hair as long as one produces. And you do produce. He was tickled pink with your work and I am as well. But…”

Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on his desk, his amazing blue eyes as intense as I’d ever seen them.

“Just like everything else in this world…that was yesterday. Now they want to know what we’re going to do for them today.”

I was beginning to become just a bit upset and I felt myself slightly trembling. I had no idea of where Peter was going with this…this line of talk. On the one hand he made it seem that my mode of dress was being problematic and on the other hand it didn’t matter as long as our work was bringing in money. For some reason unknown to me at the time, I decided to meet this challenge head on.

“What would you like me to do for them today?” I giggled more from nervousness than any other specific thing.

This was normally when Peter leaned back in his chair and interlaced his fingers behind his head. But he didn’t do that. Obviously he was having some kind of trouble asking me to do something. Indeed he even looked a bit uncomfortable. I leaned forward and placed my hand upon his.

“Peter… I’d like to think that we are friends? You can tell me whatever is on your mind.”

I sincerely meant what I said and Peter breathed a sigh of relief.

“It would be helpful this evening if you wore…” He cleared his throat. “…a dress or a skirt?”

“What?” I giggled. Was Peter actually asking me to…femme up? “You want me to femme up?” Peter blushed a vivid shade of cranberry.

“The couple tonight…? Well… They have some rather…interesting views and the husband believes that women should…dress like women?”

“But…” I laughed.

“I don’t even want to go there Andi. But if you’re going to dress as you always do, and I must admit you usually look amazing, please wear a skirt or a dress tonight. If you don’t have one, then please leave earlier and buy one. Give me the receipt and I’ll make sure you’re reimbursed, okay?”

“Oh…” I tried to sound ‘as a matter of fact’. “I think I can throw something together…for the company of course.” I laughed and so did Peter.

“Oh… For the company… Of course…!” Peter said as he smiled quite benignly.

Having been on three dates in my life prior to graduation from college, I have found several things to be true. First of all, the dater generally will not spend one penny more than is necessary to get laid, or blown, or both. Secondly, having been the datee on all three occasions I can truly say that the dater will never dress in anything that can’t be shed in a split second. Or… Nothing is worn that might deter from getting laid, or blown, or both.

So you might ask…what does that have to do with anything? Well… Now I was thrust into a far more elaborate and sophisticated world where how you looked and what you ate and who you were seen with was somehow more important than whether you got laid, blown, or both. This meant that more time needed to be spent on the preparation for the date then the amount of time the date might actually last.

Now whilst Peter’s invitation to dinner certainly didn’t qualify as a date, I certainly couldn’t afford to see it as anything less in terms of preparing for it. I had to look absolutely smashing even though a late night of carnal pleasure was not at stake. And the only reason I had to do this…to look so incredible…was simple. It was for me. If I could look that good, then I needed to look that good.

My preparation began a good three hours prior to the dinner and it began with the manicure. I wanted my nails to sparkle and flash as the light caught them in movement. Whether it was reaching for my wine glass, bringing my napkin to my lips, or simply gesturing as I spoke, I wanted them to glisten.

If someone glanced at a manicured hand and followed its motion, then that gazer’s glance would inevitably be led to the attached face. After all, one doesn’t simply tend to a single part of one’s physical being without spending equal time on the rest.

My nails took fully one hour to be done to my satisfaction. I chose a shade of very dark dramatic red…close to magenta. I purchased the matching lipstick, lip gloss, and a suitable blush as well. The color from the hands leads to the colors on the face and vice versa.

There is a magic that can be spun if one is perceptive enough and I was going to practice this magic tonight. My hands would entice and guide the way. I had watched women do this often. They were usually upscale people and I would become mesmerized as I watched them practice this…this witchcraft with their elegantly done hands on unsuspecting men.

Nails done as mine had been never dry quickly. It always takes an hour or two or more to fully dry. As long as you can smell the polish, it is still in the drying process. So for the next hour or more I would need to be extra cautious not to ruin the look.

I hurried home from the salon and immediately assembled everything I would be wearing from my panty and bra with forms to the thigh high seer black stockings to the dress and shoes. I had been practicing walking in the shoes over the past two days and I managed to master…or should that be mistress…hmmm…the technique. The experience of suddenly being an extra two and one half inches taller was quite interesting.

After gathering everything I would be wearing, save the jewelry, I went to shower and wash my hair. I felt myself in a mode of sorts. I suppose this was quite similar to an athlete preparing for a game. The uniform all arranged and the mindset being acquired as the preparation continued.

After finishing in the shower, I wrapped a towel around my body and another around my hair. I stood before the mirror and kept thinking to myself; ‘Self? You’re going to be the hottest hottie in the restaurant tonight!’ I continued to stare at myself as I slowly removed the towel from my body.

I closely examined myself; especially the area that was to be the site of my ‘new’ impending boobs. I was sure there was a bit more of something than yesterday. I don’t know…some more elevation maybe? My nipples itched incessantly these days. It was all I could do to keep from scratching them.

I wiped the remaining few drops of water from my legs and went into the bedroom to put on my panty and thigh highs. I was undecided about the bra. Though the straps were spaghetti thin, they still could be seen. I had fashion forms but then my breast forms would need to be glued onto me and the form onto them. Or…I could simply wear the pinned version of the dress. No matter what way I chose to fill out the dress, I would wear the shawl so it was merely a question of what would look the best and most natural without giving away my little secret.

I knew how I wanted my hair to appear and that was slicked straight back. That was nothing a little bit of mousse or gel couldn’t handle. I wanted sleek, chic, and somewhat unique look…at least for me. I mean, this was the first time I would be wearing a dress in public…indeed very public and I wanted to be a totally fire engine red hot looking hottie. I thought that if the totality of the ‘package’ was complete, then any of the parts that might fall out of sync for the moment would definitely go unnoticed.

“Hi dear… I’m home.” I heard Allie sing out with a chuckle as she entered the apartment.

“I’m in my bedroom.” I shouted back to her, mimicking her lilting tones.

Her timing couldn’t have been better. I had to giggle at the Middle American theme that ran through my head at our exchange. We sounded so very bourgeois. I could vaguely hear Allie enter the kitchen to do her daily ritual of dropping her shoulder bag and purse, depositing her coat over one of the stools and opening the fridge to retrieve something to sip on. I heard her footsteps as she approached my room.

As she framed my doorway I instinctively put my hands up to cover my impending boobs. Allie giggled.

“You’ve really got nothing to hide from me sweet heart.”

She laughed as she took a sip of the golden liquid in her glass and strode into my room. Allie looked at the array of things spread out across my bed and, after taking another sip and then handing the glass to me, quickly surmised the situation.

“Well…” She said with her arms crossed and exhaling a deep breath without even a glance toward me. “…let’s get them glued on and then see where we stand.”

I nodded, took a healthy sip of Allie’s wine, and got on my back on the bed. Allie slipped out and to her studio where she just happened to keep all the house glues. I must say one thing about that dear soul, she had a place for everything and everything was definitely in its place. She brought the solvent in with the glue in the event of misplacement.

Sitting down on the bed next to me Allie looked at my…chest? On my back with the light on I could definitely see that something was growing, taking form and shape, beneath my nipples. Allie could see this as well and she gently pressed her fingers around each nipple on both sides of my chest. She was examining what was occurring with more than a passing interest.

“Do they ache?”

‘They’…? Allie’s serious gaze prompted me to refrain from a more…frivolous answer?

“Only when I’m awake.” I giggled. I couldn’t resist being just a bit silly. “But Motrin and I have become really good friends.”

“Well…” Allie sighed. “If we glue these on, you’ll definitely need to wear a bra. Just the weight pulling against your skin will cause them to ache even more.”

I hadn’t thought of that at all. During the day, when I normally wore the forms, I always had a bra on and they’ve rarely been glued. The aching has been going on for only a few weeks and I’d more or less become somewhat inured to it. But the idea of wearing a bra with the dress didn’t exactly appeal to me because the dress straps were so slender.

“I have some very narrow double sided tape I use for just this purpose. We can tape the bra and dress straps together and with the shawl…well…you don’t have to worry about the back.” Allie to the rescue…yet again!!! She suddenly lifted my hand and looked at my nails. “Oh my God!!! I love this color. Do you have the lipstick to match?” Her excitement was real and so strong that I could feel it.

“Yeah…and the gloss and the liner and the blush as well...” I laughed.

“God…! They really did a job on you. But it’ll be worth it when I’m done with you.”

Allie took her time with the placement and gluing of my breast forms. The look of concentration upon her face reminded me for when she was throwing at her wheel. Every bit of her being was totally fixed upon this task as though it was a work of art. Of course one could have said that in reality she was merely the little girl playing with her living Barbie doll. Perhaps there was truth in both thoughts.

The weight of the breast forms did cause a bit of aching. I had never really worn them in a reclining position before. And when the glue had set and I sat up, the dull aching became a bit sharper and more distracting.

With Allie’s assistance, I put on my bra with the thinnest straps and, thankfully, the support helped alleviate some of the soreness. I slipped the dress over my head and once again relished the sensation of the silk lining gliding down along my body until I felt the straps alit onto my shoulders.

Allie zipped me up and went to get her magic tape. I stood and looked at myself for at least the umpteenth time in the mirror. I have to say that I was in love with the image that reflected back at me. Once I put the heels on I had to seriously reconsider the entire dress and skirt aversion. Even to this day I’m not totally sure of why I had waited so long to put one on.

Perhaps, somewhere in the deepest recesses of my consciousness, putting on a dress or a skirt crossed the line of effeminacy that would label me a ‘wannabe’ rather than a man who simply saw his own image in a particular manner. But now, as I turned this way and that, also for the umpteenth time, I realized that perhaps my vision had been expanded? Or perhaps I’d simply matured in the fashion of a teenager and suddenly found myself in the midst of adulthood?

Allie returned and giggled as she saw me pirouetting in front of the mirror much in the same manner as she must have done ten thousand times over the course of her life. She patiently taped the straps at the front of the dress up to my shoulders so that the bra straps couldn’t easily be seen. The shawl would do the rest. The only way I would have looked better is if I went braless and the boobs were really my own. I smiled with the knowledge that soon they would be.

“Okay hon… The only thing left is your makeup and I think we’ll go for the ‘Vogue cover girl’ look. Let’s go into the kitchen to do this. I don’t want you to be looking in the mirror every two seconds to see yourself.” Allie smirked…but it was a knowing and friendly smirk.

There were several things that brought the artist out that lurked inside Allie. Put a camera in her hands and everything was about light and angles. Put some clay in her hands and form became her entire world. Even when we when shopping, her eye was always working toward color, shape and form. Now, put a cosmetic brush in her hand and her artistic sensibilities rivaled, if not exceeded, my own.

It was her vision of me. She could see the possibilities. In some way, that’s what art is all about; taking the ordinary and seeing other possibilities. For sure I had that vision. We even seemed to have similar visions because we rarely argued about things when we worked together. Because there is rarely a right or wrong when envisioning an idea, she was open enough to allow me to try something she might not have totally agreed upon, or even liked initially.

I guess we trusted each other…completely. I trusted Peter and he certainly trusted me but we definitely had a wide gap in terms of visions. Peter had a tremendous amount of artistic sensibility but really not much vision at all. In other words, he knew when a project was there but he had no idea how to really get there. Allie not only knew how to get there but she could even come up with one or two ways that differed from mine.

Anytime an artist takes the advice of another person, that artist is putting his, or her, spiritual soul in other hands. I had almost no fear of doing that with Allie. Therefore, when it came to doing my face, I didn’t hesitate one moment to agree. We had sat down to discuss this project just as we would any other joint project. I had certain expectations as far as the ‘look’ went and she understood the overall affect I wanted.

I sat on a stool in the kitchen as Allie went to get her makeup kits. She had two good sized plastic tool boxes with those swing up and out trays that were filled to the brim with different beauty products. Allie loved the holiday cosmetic kits that always came with other offers. She would purchase them and then decant the various little color pots into her own little palette boxes.

Allie also had an impressive assortment of fine brushes and sponges and balls of cotton and swabs and any sort of tool or implement one could possibly need for application. She had told me that when in her early teens she would sit in front of the mirror and simply play with the colors.

After trying a particular combination, she would notate what went into it and she developed a notebook full of different looks as well as a smear of the particular colors so that if they were discontinued she could attempt to find something similar by another company.

Step one was always the towel to cover one’s shoulders and dress. There was no sense in having your eye shadow on you bust line. Allie also liked to have her hair done so that the light and shadow on one’s face would be relatively the same regardless of where one might be.

So my hair was moussed and combed straight back although I tried not to have in lay completely flat. I gave in just a touch of body on the sides. My face was already way thin and I knew that this wasn’t the most flattering style but I wanted ‘sleek’ and a modified wedge didn’t go quite far enough.

Allie, the true artist, wanted to start with a completely blank canvass. She decided to start with something I had never put on my face before; a foundation. Going several shades lighter than my already pale completion, Allie applied a moisturizing cream with a sponge and very patiently let it soak in. Then came the primer. Upon covering my face to her satisfaction, she then applied the foundation.

I must say that being unable to feel one’s face in a usual manner was quite disconcerting…to say the very least. I had always been told I had such an amazingly flawless completion, complete with miniscule pores and porcelain skin. But Allie wanted a perfectly uniform ‘canvass’ without those tiny blue veins showing. She also wanted to do away with any light shining off my face and she wanted a base that she could really set subtle coloration onto. And who was I to argue anyway?

Allie toiled as any mistress of an art would. She had set up small cups of water in the event of choosing a water soluble eye shadow. She had baby bottom soft tissues to correct any missed stroke of her brush or swab. She even took a break after about ten minutes to pour us both a bit of wine and take a breath.

Allie began again after our five minutes to relax. To be honest, I don’t know how fashion models, or actresses, can put up with extended makeup sessions. Our session wasn’t really all that long in comparison but nearly twenty minutes seemed like a lifetime.

In truth most of that time was spent doing my eyes. I wanted that smoky eyed look but I hadn’t acquired the skills to do it very well. Allie helped me with my look from time to time but it was mostly with my day face. The night look, especially one as sophisticated as a smoky eyed look, was really never broached. I attempted nothing more than a simple extra application of eye shadow, a bit more blush and a darker shade of lipstick.

But now we’re going all out. Allie put some translucent powder just under my eyes to catch any falling shadow residue. Then…‘look this way…and that…look up…look down…blink…don’t blink…freeze! It was a kind of choreographed pas de deux. After a short time I could almost anticipate what move would be required of me next. Allie worked slowly and patiently as she explained exactly what she was doing and how she was doing it. Of course most of it slipped by as I tried to maintain my position as she worked.

By the time we got to my lips, I felt as though I had a face upon my face. It was not so much the thickness or the heaviness of Allie’s application as much as the alien substances themselves. I had never used a foundation or the setting powders or sprays. I had only on very rare occasions used a concealer. Three coats of mascara were a bit much. And although the eye shadows were weightless, just the knowledge that they were there weighed heavily.

I failed to purchase a lip liner or ‘plumper’? But Allie came to the rescue with her never-ending palette of colors and plumpers. Then, of course, just one coating of the lipstick wouldn’t do. There has to be two with blotting in between and a tinted gloss on top.

“Twenty-four hours…?” She said. “Okay…maybe with heavy wear you’ll get six. Be sure to check yourself after dinner before coffee and dessert. One day we’ll need to play with some lip stains.”

I nodded as Allie moved on to the gloss. A quick smacking of the lips and we were done. Allie stood back and gazed very intensely at me.

“Oh… My God…!”

Allie looked at me with an expression of…well…I’m not really sure what. In truth I had never seen that expression before. I felt that the sum of my parts wasn’t good enough to equal the whole. I hopped off the stool and ran…well…I was in heels so I walked quickly to the mirror in my room. Allie followed after me.

When I looked into the mirror I was shocked, stunned, and otherwise, shaken AND stirred! I didn’t recognize myself…at all! Staring back at me in mirrored disbelief was a woman who looked…well…amazing! Somehow, with her great skill at makeup and her knowledge of cosmetics, Allie had managed to tread that fine line between looking like a high priced whore and a high priced fashion model…on a Vogue cover no less.

“Oh my God…!” Those were the only words I could get out. “Is that really me?”

“You look amazing.” Allie giggled as she grabbed the silver scarf and draped it around my shoulders.

“Peter is not going to believe this.” I couldn’t tear my eyes off my reflected image.

“Peter is likely to decide that you’re too femme for him.” Allie laughed as she turned and rushed towards the door. “We’ve got to get some pix.”

I turned back to the mirror and began to turn my head this way and that in an attempt to absorb the visage before me. As my vision drifted to a fuller image of myself; coiffed, manicured, styled, and in au couture, Allie returned with her cameras and lenses and an ear to ear grin.

“I think I should have gone for the sandals.”

I said as I turned toward her only to be met by a flash from her camera.

“No… I think you’ll get more use out of the pumps. Plus which… They’re easier to kick off when you’re dancing.” Allie giggled as she raised the camera and I gave her a big smile as the flash went off again.

Allie had a great old time having me pose in different positions. Now she’s Scavullo and next she’s Newton and then Avedon. She’s doing covers and spreads and whatever else comes to mind.

Now I have seen, and looked through fashion magazines and I have admired many of the photographers enough to procure the use of whatever collections they happened to have published in book format so I knew the ‘look’ Allie would want. We did a few in my studio where I have several backdrops to shoot against.