The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2718 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I checked my address book on the phone and I did have a number. I clicked on it and it rang three times before she answered. “Cathy, where are you?”

“I’m at the village hall.”

“What village hall?”

“The one you told me to come to.”

“No, that was changed—there’s two hundred people waiting for you at the university.”

“What!”

“I sent you an email yesterday. Didn’t you get it?”

“I think the answer to that is obvious. Okay, what d’you want to do?”

“How soon can you get here?”

“Twenty minutes to half an hour.”

“Okay, I’ll get the kettle on.”

“Good idea.” I closed my phone, “C’mon kiddo, they changed the venue.”

“Without telling you?”

“Been too busy to look at my emails.”

“Ha, a likely story.”

“Look you can just accept a mistake was made and I’ll show you the place I went to university, or...”

“Or what?”

“I can shut you in the boot.”

We arrived at the main lecture theatre at the biology department, where I’d done that talk before. I knew the way around the back and Abi was waiting holding out a cup of tea. “Who’s this?” she asked looking at Trish.

“My computer tech, why?”

She laughed, “Which of your multitude of children is this?”

“I’m Trish, an’ I am her computer tech. She can’t work the video let alone her computer.”

“You’re also her daughter, no one else could come up with a line like that.”

“Give her time and she’ll better it.”

“I believe already. Hi Trish, I’m Abi, I used to teach your mum.”

“Teach her what?” Trish looked amazed.

“Okay, I tried to teach her things as I was a junior lecturer in her final year. I suspect she taught me a thing or two, especially about making microscope slides—did you know she was an expert at it?”

“Yeah, we’ve got drawers of them at home and she’s got loads at the university.”

“I can’t have any secrets with her around can I?”

“You ready now?” Abi asked and I nodded as I put down the empty mug. “Going to help me load her computer?” she said to Trish.

“Yeah, okay.” With that Trish took my computer out of my bag and found the DVD in its case and followed Abi out to the lecture theatre. I could hear a buzz going through the audience and they cheered when Trish appeared and helped Abi set up my computer. I checked my hair—it would have to do. I added some dark pink lipstick and a quick squirt of my handbag bottle of scent and I walked through. Trish was finishing her installation of the computer and projector while a technician stood and watched her, nodding frequently.

As soon as I appeared there was a cheer and although I couldn’t see many faces I smiled nervously at the audience. Abi introduced me and was given a round of applause, the stage was mine. Trish sat down by the computer at the side of me. “In case anything goes wrong, Mummy.” I nodded to her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my sincere apologies for keeping you waiting, we had a slight misunderstanding about the venue—I went to the wrong one. My fault and I am sorry. Let’s get on with the show. Oh this is Trish my daughter, who also knows more about computers and most things than I do.” I bid her stand and the crowd cheered her. She bowed and sat down again.

“She’s taken all my thunder already. Okay, for those who don’t recognise me, I’m Cathy Watts, and I’m acting professor of biological science at Portsmouth University and coordinator of the UK Mammal Survey. In my spare time, I’m a wife and mother to more kids than the average pheasant hen; I also occasionally make films about wild life which some of you may or may not have seen. I tend to do them about cute furry things like kittens and puppies.” The audience laughed at this and Trish said something.

I held the mic for her speak into. “Don’t be silly, Mummy, you made films about dormice and harvest mice.” The crowd roared with laughter.

“I stand corrected, come to think of it, she’s probably right—yes, she is. Oh well if we have a load of pictures of kittens and puppies, I’ve brought the wrong DVD.” Obviously I hadn’t but establishing a rapport with my audience is important and with things like this I think it more useful to make them laugh than try to educate them. If they enjoyed it, they’ll remember things, if they didn’t they’ll forget it all very quickly.
I showed the Youtube clip of Spike parachuting into my cleavage which brought a laugh, then a couple of bits from the outtakes of the dormouse film. I then talked about the harvest mouse film and how we made it and how at times we ever managed to make it at all.

For about ninety minutes I entertained them and then answered questions from the floor. Abi then called for quiet and up stepped Professor Herbert who gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then he shook hands with Trish and the audience cheered. He called for quiet and when he got it he began a vote of thanks.

“This is the second time I’ve had to come here and listen to one of her talks—she refuses to call them lectures—it’s the second time I’ve had to do the vote of thanks, as well.

“I first knew this young woman as a grungy undergrad who I knew was capable of great things in biological science, all she had to do was find her forte. She however decided she would do well in everything she touches—talk about a golden touch, she has a diamond touch. She discovered dormice while she was here and went off to study under Tom Agnew at Portsmouth where she did a master’s and doctorate. In less than two years she’s one of the leading experts on dormice in the country and an expert on surveying them, which she used to help devise the scheme for the mammal survey and then talk the government and High St Bank into funding it. Then she went round the country talking various universities into helping her and Tom with the data collection and analysis.

“In between times she married Simon Cameron, yeah, that Simon Cameron and they have more children than Barnardo’s, including this lovely little girl here. She is a very gifted and entertaining teacher whose courses are always oversubscribed—you can see why—she teaches undergraduates with as much skill as she taught you all tonight—and let’s face it, most of you didn’t know you’ve been educated, did you? I remember Tom Agnew saying to me that he wanted to develop her self confidence because her creativity in presenting material to students was inspirational. You can now see what he meant.

“Cathy, I’ve known you a long time and you never fail to astonish me in your ability to bring something new to your subject and way of presenting it. I am in awe of your talent and if I wasn’t so fond of Tom, I’d have poached you for this university, your alma mater, long ago. Perhaps one day you will return here and share your enthusiasm and inspiration with our undergraduates and other students, until then I hope you’ll come back and tell us all about your latest film and your delightful dormice.

“On behalf of the members of the East Sussex Wildlife Trust, and the students of this university, thank you so much for another one of your entertaining and informative talks, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it.”

It took another three quarters of an hour to escape the university and my apparent fan club. I had to sign copies of both films and the odd book. Trish fell asleep on the drive home, but I was buzzing—it would take me another hour or two to calm down and relax.