Laura gaped at the poised, graceful girl and thought back to the party years ago. Her jaw dropped another inch as she realized who was sitting there. “You don’t mean Kirk ?” Linda nodded while Kirk sat there calmly a picture of teen fashion.
TWINS by Marie, Part 11 - Laura
by Marie C.
Over the months Linda slowly emerged from the terrible grief over the losses of her brother and daughter. As the feminine Kirk blossomed she realized she had been living in one of her self-centered worlds. His assistance with the sewing and house care had taken a huge load from her shoulders and left her the space to heal. Now she was in the boy’s debt for acting as her substitute Marlene and for the help he was giving freely.
But doubts were creeping into her mind. Was she wrong to encourage his crossdressing even when she was overjoyed with her new “daughter?” What about these dreams of his? Maybe he should see a psychologist? Maybe she should see one? On the other hand he was so useful as a girl. A naughty thought, but still she smiled.
She was puzzled by her corporal punishment of Kirk, but could find no answers within herself as to why she did it. Teacher training strongly forbade any such behavior. It was like she had been someone else when she took him over her knee. However Kirk had been so girlish and submissive in recent weeks that the spankings had long since ceased to be necessary - and if Kirk harbored any doubts about his feminine life Linda could see no sign of them.
The big questions loomed. If he continues this way his voice and body will soon become masculinized - and people in the community will see him as bizarre. How will she (It was so easy to think of Kirk as ‘she.’) go to school? How will he fit in with other kids? Will valley residents accept a crossdressed boy?
It never occurred to her to cut his hair and put him back in trousers.
One day José came to the door wanting help with a section of fence. He hadn’t seen Kirk for months and wondered if the boy was still around. When Kirk opened the door José smiled “Marlena, you back!” He asked if Kirk could come hold the fence posts while he poured concrete.
Kirk felt a panic rising because José had never seen him up close as Darlene. Fighting the impulse to run he was relieved to see Linda approaching, however before she could say anything José peered closely at Kirk and realized who “the girl” was.
“Seá±ora Sullivan, thees ees wrong. A boy chood never dress laik a muchacha. It’s against God!” He crossed himself and backed away. “There ees somtheen wrong with thees place. I feel eet a long time. I no work here again.” He tossed his tools in the truck and drove off without even a wave.
Linda understood that José’s reaction was no different than the doctor’s. Kirk would face attitudes like this throughout his life and maybe worse. But she felt terrible. José had been an outstanding handyman and charged well below the going rate. What did he mean “Something wrong with this place?” She wanted to ask what he meant but it was too late.
She needed to start somewhere for Kirk’s sake so invited one of her old acquaintances for an afternoon coffee. Laura was levelheaded and unflappable Linda recalled. She used to help with Marlene’s parties and knew both Kirk and his parents. More important she worked as a medical secretary for the doctor who saw Kirk during that awful flu. Maybe she knew something.
Linda thought the best way would be to have Kirk-as-Darlene serve coffee while she and Laura talked. It might be a bit of a shock but Linda couldn’t think of any uncomplicated way to introduce the subject. She sat down with Kirk (Darlene now, she corrected herself) and explained that they had to think about his future. She talked about the need to find somebody who knew something about crossdressing boys. Could he wear something nice and serve coffee that day?
Kirk surprised her by agreeing readily. He’d been thinking about the same things, he said. This time he didn’t suggest giving up girls’ clothes she noted with some relief. “Now wasn’t that an odd reaction to have,” she thought.
“There was something else I was wondering about, Aunt Linda. Now that you’ve adopted me can I call you mom?” Linda responded with tears pulling Kirk to her. “Yes, honey, you can.” She wanted to say “yes, yes, yes” ad infinitum but settled for a long ten minute hug with the boy (girl?) on her lap.
Since the modeling experience Kirk realized he liked dressing up for special events. He felt confident now as to what he could do with clothes and makeup and looked forward to opportunities where he could make a good impression on other people. For the coffee day he selected lightly padded underwear to go under a knee length red peasant skirt with festive stripes at the hem and a white apron. He could feel the coolness of new nylons on his legs and the lift of heeled sandals. The top he chose was a somewhat see-through white peasant blouse with billowing three quarter sleeves embellished by a simple bead necklace. His hair was carefully brushed back and held in a flat pony tail with hairsticks. A single bangle circled his right wrist and small drop earrings dangled from his ears. He kept his makeup to a minimum with light lipstick and mascara. His nails were pale and unostentatious.
“Marlene wouldn’t like this,” he thought “Well too bad for Miss Super Boss.” He stuck his tongue out at the mirror image. He was developing his own ideas about how girls should look. When Linda saw his outfit she felt he was just right, a young style but well turned out! She realized that Kirk had developed a better sense of what to wear than she ever did. She looked down at her frumpy brown polyester slacks and decided to change.
Laura drove up the dirt drive to the old house curious about Linda’s invitation. Not only was it out of the blue, but Linda had given her no clue as to what it was all about. She hadn't seen her neighbor for at least a year.
“The house looks run down,” she thought looking at the peeling paint and disintegrating woodwork. She felt sorry for Linda because of her personal catastrophes in the past few years, especially with Marlene disappearing like that. If there was anything she could do to help she would certainly try.
In the front parlor Linda had placed a low table between an overstuffed chair and the couch. The room seemed tidy and better cared for in comparison to the outside. Linda looked pale and needy, she thought, nothing like the energetic mom who had spent so many hours with her Gwen patiently tutoring the child with reading and math. Once seated she saw a young girl walk in from the dining room, actually more of a young woman fashionably turned out who placed a tray and cups on the table with the grace of a ballet dancer.
Laura’s eyes went wide. “I didn’t know Marlene was back.”
Linda pinched her eyes for a moment while Kirk sat next to his aunt, carefully arranged his skirt and took Linda’s hand in both of his. “No, she’s not. You remember Darlene, Marlene’s cousin?”
Laura gaped at the poised, graceful girl and thought back to the party years ago. Her jaw dropped another inch as she realized who was sitting there. “You don’t mean Kirk ?” Linda nodded while Kirk sat there calmly a picture of teen fashion.
“It’s nice to see you again, Laura.” He affected a winsome pose still holding Linda’s hand.
“God what a pretty child,” Laura blurted. The comparison to her own rude, overweight teenager was heartbreaking. Her girl had turned into as much of a slob as her husband. “Kirk , or should I say Darlene, it’s nice to see you again. You’re just as beautiful as your cousin.” She spoke with frank admiration.
“Honey, would you finish up in the sewing room while Laura and I talk? That’s a good girl.” Laura watched enthralled as Kirk carefully gathered his skirts, went into the hall and climbed the stairs like a fashion model.
“Let me catch my breath.” Laura said in a state of shock. “I never expected anything like this.” She took a couple of sips in silence, then turning back to Linda she spoke again. “Well, now you have to tell me everything.”
Linda launched into a description of her last few months with Kirk, his work in the sewing room, the way he kept house, his dress and increasingly adult and feminine manners. Then she catalogued her worries about what would happen as he grew up. Did Laura have any ideas? Had she ever picked up anything from her employer about boys who wore girls’ clothes? She apologized for using the word girl early on in reference to Kirk. “It’s so easy to do now.”
Laura came to understand what the coffee klatch was about and told Linda everything she knew about transgendered adults. Her doctor boss did not like the queers, as he described them, and wouldn’t have anything to do with them. On the other hand he recognized that someone had to, so he grudgingly kept a few pieces of literature and a probably out-of-date list of specialists on file. Laura didn’t think he would be a good resource for Kirk.
“From what I understand there are programs that help these people make physical changes. After years of treatment they have surgery to reconstruct their sex organs. In the meantime psychologists and physicians monitor the changes. The whole procedure takes ages and is horribly expensive.”
She went on. “I don’t remember seeing anything about children or teen-agers. These days the best source is probably the internet. Another possibility might be a woman who lives down the hill close by. She’s an herbalist and natural healer of sorts. I don’t know what she actually does but some sex change people from the city, or whatever they call them, come out here to see her. There was an article in the valley newspaper last year.”
After Laura’s description of medical procedures for transgendered people Linda was crestfallen, but she had to keep trying for Kirk’s sake. She thought about Sandy and her computers while Laura wrote down the name of a Mrs. Gaithers.
The two women agreed to keep in touch and Laura promised to say nothing to anyone for the time being. On the way home she kept thinking about Kirk giving lessons in poise to her own daughter. Why did her daughter have to be such a disappointment? Or did her daughter have other issues?
While the women chatted downstairs Kirk walked along the upstairs hall to Sandy’s office. Work in the sewing room was done for now. Mom was right, it was time to meet new people. Old Bill could hardly be counted as a pal.
Sandy was squinting at the screen and tapping the keyboard as Kirk came to the door. Even in cutoffs, baggy sweatshirt and bare feet Sandy was an attractive young woman. Her shoulder-length hair was casually tied back with a red ribbon.
Kirk stood watching the flickering images until she looked up, smiled and waved him in. “Come sit. I’m just about done. Linda says you’re good at taking care of things, better than a cleaners.” She punched a handful of keys, clicked the mouse and the machine went to its save-the-screen pattern.
Kirk smiled keeping his head up and back straight. “Yes, I am and I like helping mom. I think her business has improved since I took over the little things. And I get to try lots of nifty clothes. The way you dress for work is nice, but I don’t like short skirts. Girls should wear long skirts because they’re more graceful.” Kirk sat there knees together, legs tucked slightly under the chair, hands in his lap. (Readers, you may have noticed that Kirk’s style of speech has now become more formal and diplomatic, something he and Emma learned from from Miss Carradine.)
Sandy smiled at this throwback to Queen Victoria. “Well you certainly are the most poised girl I’ve seen in years. You’re really stunning when you get dressed up like the way you are. Most women are gross - like me!” She laughed as she remembered what she had on. “I’ve seen you around but never had a chance to chat. What’s your name? Mine’s Sandy.”
Hesitating, Kirk said “Darlene. I’ve lived here with Linda for only six months or so myself. Actually she’s my Aunt and just finished adopting me. I was her nephew.” Then put a hand to his lipsticked mouth.
“What?” Sandy wasn’t sure she heard right. “You mean niece, don’t you?” Kirk looked down. “I’m really a boy.”
Sandy spent a lot of time in and out of San Francisco so was not thrown off balance by Kirk ’s admission. The San Francisco Chronicle often had articles on sex changers, cross dressers and everything in-between, men and women. Even one of her customers was an ex-man.
“Tell me more, if you want. We can still be friends.”
Kirk needed to talk to somebody besides Linda, so he unloaded about Marlene’s disappearance, how his parents died, coming to live here and gradually getting interested in dressing like a girl, working for Linda etc. He didn’t mention the dreams.
“And that’s what I’m doing now. I came to see if I could clean your room and help out. You’re very pretty. I was hoping I could learn something from you, that is if you don’t mind.”
“That’s very flattering Darlene. Can I call you that? I don’t know what your boy name is. Let’s leave it at that. We’ll be Sandy and Darlene, two chums.” Kirk blushed.
Sandy said she would be away for a couple of days so Darlene was welcome to work on her room and even look at her clothes. “If things work out maybe we can see about something else.”
Two days later Sandy came back to spotless rooms. All her clothing and lingerie were clean, ironed, folded and hung up as though she had hired a professional cleaning service. There was even a small pile on her bed with a note: “To Be Thrown Out.”
“I have to do something for Darlene,” she thought.
The day after Sandy’s return Linda knocked hesitantly on her door. “Sandy, I was wondering if I could talk to you. Could you look up something on the internet?”
To Linda’s surprise she heard “It’s about Darlene isn’t it? I talked to her the other day and already did some digging.” She handed over a pile of hardcopies on medical and psychological procedures. There were a few web site announcements about support groups in Northern California. Nothing about children.
“Darlene was a real help. She went through all my clothes including lingerie storing them neatly in drawers, more than I ever do. She even washed and ironed everything that I hadn’t. My grungy lipstick and makeup cases were wiped down and put in order. My hair brushes are clean which I never do! She’s perfect. Oops, I know he’s a boy, but it’s hard to believe.”
“I know what you mean. He is perfect and I don’t know where it came from. Nearly two months ago he could hardly lift an iron without dropping it. Then he told me about a dream in which he was trained as a maid. Now he’s an accomplished women’s wear assistant and perfectionist in his own appearance. It’s a boon to me but I don’t want to encourage him into something that’s wrong.”
“I don’t know anything about this crossdressing stuff either. What I’ve seen in the city is that some men think they’re women stuck inside men’s bodies. How this happens I don’t know. I only sell computers. But if I find anything else I’ll give you a shout.”
A day later Mattie was getting ready to go when Kirk came down the stairs in his sweater, skirt, blouse and ballerina flats. “Cain’t say I’se surprised,” she said. “Yo’ done turned into you’ cousin. You even prettier‘n she was. You still a boy?”
Kirk nodded. “I just like to put on girl’s clothes now. I had a dream and now that’s the way I want to do it.”
Mattie nodded. “Jes’ lak’ I thought. It this house an’ maybe more. You happy?”
Kirk stood there and finally said “I guess so. I feel good when I do it. It isn’t wrong is it?”
“Jes’ be true to yo’ heart.” she replied. Out in the driveway when Mattie was about to get into her old sedan she stopped, looked up at the house for a moment and then made a warding off sign.
