Turning he saw a young dark-haired girl in the full length mirror with bangs and angel wings. Not Emma. His mouth opened in surprise and he touched himself all over the way Emma did and lifted the gown to chest level. A boy’s scrawny body with long hair and a bewildered face!
“Kirk honey, it’s time to get up.”
The sweet voice sounded like it was coming from the end of a long tunnel. He rolled over and a long negligee tangled his legs like a living thing. Another turn brought curtains and vanity into view. Through a window he saw sunlight on a range of low hills across a narrow valley. They looked familiar. In the high branches of a tree two squirrels chased one another back and forth.
“Abby’s room,”he murmured in surprise. Groggily he sat up and dangled his feet over the side, the negligee sliding up over his knees. Embarrassed he pulled his knees together and pushed the cloth down.
“Where did I get a silk nightgown?” He remembered going to bed in the room across the hall. Closing his eyes he watched elegant frocks at Madame’s drift by in a mist. Teary farewells to Miss Carradine. Boxes of Abby’s new shirtwaists and skirts arriving from San Francisco by buckboard. Panic.
“I have to unpack Abby’s new things. She’ll be furious if she finds me here - and in her nightgown!”
He peered at the nightie a second time. Abby never had one like this, at least none that he knew about, and he knew every stitch of her wardrobe. Besides there never was a fabric like this at Madame’s. Shakily he stood up and looked around. The negligee dropped to ankle length and the room looked terribly different. No camisoles, corsets, petticoats or dress boxes. His and Marlene’s clothes lay helter skelter. Dusty cardboard cartons and sports knickknacks stood heaped in a corner.
The voice called again. Turning he saw a young dark-haired girl in the full length mirror with bangs and angel wings. Not Emma. His mouth opened in surprise and he touched himself all over the way Emma did. Lifting the gown to chest level he saw a boy’s scrawny body! With a head of long hair and a bewildered face!
Turning, away he stumbled in the clutter and the room began to twist. He reached for the bed but before he could climb back on he doubled up, fell on the thick white rug and vomited. Linda found him there semiconscious, annoyed that he hadn’t answered.
When he came to his aunt was sitting at the far end of the bed with a concerned look. A man, a doctor Kirk realized, held his wrist with one hand and a watch in the other. There was a thermometer in Kirk’s mouth which the man took out as he watched.
“His temperature is 102, but everything else is normal. You say he’s never had anything like this before.”
“No, he’s usually very healthy.”
“How’s the tummy Kirk ?”
“Yucky,” Kirk mumbled.
“Well, I think you’re going to be o.k. There’s a nasty flu bug going around.” He looked at his watch. “Anyhow I have to get back to the office.”
He nodded at Linda. “We need to talk.”
As they closed the door he said, “I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. I’d guess he’s been under a lot of stress with the loss of his parents.” Linda had told him about the deaths of her brother and sister-in-law.
“Call me in three days and let me know how he’s doing. Put him on a bland diet like rice, potatoes and warm milk. Keep him in bed as long as he can stand it. The nausea should clear up pretty quick.”
Then he frowned. “Mrs. Sullivan, I do not approve of his wearing a girl’s nightgown or staying in a girl’s room. A boy’s surroundings would help quite a bit. Please get him a haircut.”
Lamely Linda explained that he had to change rooms in a hurry and they hadn’t been able to get things arranged properly. She thanked the doctor for coming and promised to take care of everything right away.
Kirk was sick to his stomach every morning for days after. Although his temperature dropped overnight his arms and legs continued to feel like lead weights. Moving around was possible, but only just, like trying to swim in thick jelly. He couldn’t help feeling something important was missing, that he had a job of some kind somewhere but just exactly what it was he couldn’t recall. Bits and pieces of memories kept eluding him - young women, the name Emma, a store. Whenever he tried make things come clear he felt dizzy though he was certain about who he was - Kirk, a thirteen year old boy who had come to live with his aunt after his parents died. He started to cry on his pillow, frightened and grief-stricken.
Seeing him helpless in bed Linda couldn’t resist wrapping him in a pink quilted bed jacket with white lace collar and cuffs. The head of his bed was turned into a heap of feminine ruffled shams with Susie and Growl tucked in for company. She brushed his hair, pinned in matching ribbons and painted his fingernails. He looked so cute, and besides, he wasn’t complaining like he had been.
She dug out Marlene’s baby bottles and hand fed the boy warm milk. Using a bottle would keep him from spilling it, she thought. She read him Winnie the Pooh, Wind In the Willows and fairy tales about Cinderella, Rapunzel and Snow White. It was just like when Marlene was sick. She would worry about the doctor later. Besides, it wasn’t his business what Kirk wore.
By the fourth day Kirk’s nausea had disappeared and his temperature was back to normal. Inexplicably the weakness and confusion lingered. Linda was still concerned but called the doctor anyway to say Kirk ’s symptoms were gone. Anyhow, she didn’t want the doctor to see Kirk looking so adorable.
“Well, let me know if it happens again,” the man said. “If it does, he’ll have to come in for tests. In the meantime please, please take my advice about his attire.”
Linda smiled.
That night he awoke to the sound of clothes hangers being moved back and forth in the closet. Marlene was back. “How did you like being Emma?” She made it sound like the most casual sort of thing, something that happened to everyone. Kirk’s existence as Emma came back in a rush and Marlene grinned.
Five months of Emma’s life in one night because of Marlene, he realized with mixed feelings. “Because of you I’ve been sick for days.” He lay there still charmingly decked out in pink and white, his lower lip in a pretty pout. But he’d been tricked by Marlene and her friends, if you could call them that. He was righteously pissed and said so.
Unperturbed Marlene sat on the bed adjusting his ribbons and brushing his hair like Linda did. “Here, be a good girl and take your bottle.” She shoved the nipple in his mouth while he fumed albeit weakly.
At the mirror she preened in a fluffy dress. “I think you’ll look good in this one. You have to wear dresses all the time now because we’re getting rid of your old things,” she said indifferent to anything he might have to contribute. She pulled out a floral Orphan Annie dress with a round collar and short sleeves with white cuffs. Or maybe it was one of Shirley Temple’s old costumes.
With considerable effort he pulled the bottle out of his mouth. “I don’t have to and I won’t.” After five months as Emma angry boy Kirk was reasserting himself and doing his best to erect mental fortifications against Marlene and his aunt.
“Well, if you’re going to be a girl you do have to. I had to wear short skirts, so you do too. Nyah, nyah, nyah!” She mimicked him sticking out her chin and pulled two more frocks off the rack. “Remember?” she said looking down triumphantly and making eye contact. “You liked being Emma.”
He woke in the morning to find Linda moving around in the room. “How do you feel honey?”
“O.K., I guess. Still wobbly but it’s not so bad.”
“Well, today I want you to wear one of Marlene’s dresses. It’s going to be hot and the lightweight fabric will keep you cool.” She pulled out the short dress. The early morning air temperature was palpably warm. It would be a scorcher by noon.
Kirk folded his arms in attempted defiance. “I won’t wear dresses. You can’t make me! I heard the doctor.”
Linda’s anger sparked and she did something then that she had done only once with a child. She grabbed the boy by one arm, pulled him over her lap, lifted the gown and smacked him hard on his bare butt several times. “Yes - you - will!”
The physical weakness robbed Kirk of any ability to resist and he began crying. When Linda was done something in his memory clicked - Miss C.’s canings. He rubbed his eyes and curtsied. “Yes, Aunt Linda, thank you. I’ll be good.”
He stood there with tears on his cheeks as Linda took out fluffy pink briefs and proceeded to dress him like a big doll. “Lift your footsies” she chirped as he stepped into a new pair of nearly gossamer panties. He sat making a hearty attempt to look glum as she tugged on the pink anklets and glossy Mary Janes. “Just like the party,” he thought. When he was Emma at least he got to be a big girl.
“Stand up now and raise your arms.” She wrapped a training bra around his chest and dropped a short nylon slip over his head. The dress came last. “Arms down,” and proceeded to button the back and tie the sash with a big bow. She wiped his tears with an embroidered hanky.
At the vanity his hair was rearranged into angel wings and tied with pink ribbons on both sides. “Now check your hem. Keep your legs together and turn from side to side.”
In the mirror he saw little girl Kirk pulling at the hem of a dress that came to just below his crotch. “It’s short. Why does it have to be so darn short!”
“Marlene wore short skirts for years.” Linda replied patiently. “That’s how she learned to sit and walk like a girl. You still have a ways to go.”
If Kirk was surprised by the spanking so was Linda. Years ago she put Marlene over her knee one time when she was really bratty and felt terrible for days. “This is different,” she thought. “I’ll paddle him if I have to, doctor or no doctor.” Her pang of guilt this time was short-lived. If she had looked in the mirror just then she would have been astonished at the hard look on her face. Others would have noticed how often her moods changed.
José walked by the window and saw what he thought was Marlene. He was not a devout man but couldn’t help crossing himself. Something was odd though, something he couldn’t put a finger on. He went back to clearing brush wondering if the girl had returned. He hadn’t seen Kirk for weeks.
After breakfast Linda and Kirk went through the cardboard boxes and souvenirs, separating out the things to save - photos of his parents, his father’s medals, letters etc. “I’ll put your mother’s jewelry in Marlene’s chest. You’ll need it someday. Otherwise everything goes to the Goodwill.”
Kirk started to object but under Linda’s stern glance he nodded, “Yes, Aunt Linda.” She held him on her lap for awhile rocking him and said “We’ll go shopping soon and get you some new things. If you’re good I’ll buy something more grown up.” She kissed the top of his head.
When the truck came that afternoon he was told to lead the men upstairs. He still felt embarrassed about his peeping underpants and self-consciously held the hem down with both hands while they followed him up the stairs. He flashed back to Marlene’s party when the girls gave him such a hard time. Dejectedly he watched while they took away his old things box by box. Handing Linda a receipt one of the men remarked “You’re lucky to have such a little cutie.” He winked and tickled Kirk under the chin while the boy tried to squirm away.
Besides getting rid of Kirk’s boxes Linda had gone through Marlene’s clothes and deliberately included the girl’s jeans and shorts. Kirk would have no access to pants for the time being. He was going to be as girlie as she could make him. Oddly the idea made her feel upbeat, more than she had been for months. She wondered where the pizzazz was coming from and got no answer.
At the mirror Kirk examined himself for the millionth time and thought back to Emma’s secret nudity sessions. The lovely dream was gradually returning in detail since Marlene’s visit, interspersed by frequent spasms of doubt. It seemed as though every time he protested whatever energy he had would drain away.
The next morning Linda bounced in bubbling away. “We’re going to town and find some new things, so put on your nicest dress.” Kirk realized what he was going to wear in public.
“I’m not going out in that short dress. Please don’t make me, Aunt Linda.” He remembered pleading with his father.
Linda was better prepared this time. She brandished a ruler she had been carrying, smacking it into the palm of her hand. The barest hint of coercion should work, she thought. For a moment Kirk thought he saw Miss Carradine standing there switch in hand, then blinked only to see his aunt with her grim expression. “Yes, Aunt Linda. I’ll be good and go shopping with you. ”It was becoming an automatic reply, the result of five months training.
Linda gave him a hug saying “I don’t like spanking you but I want you to be my little girl for awhile. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Aunt Linda. I’ll be your little girl.” The words came easier than expected. He once again remembered the poised young woman of voluptuous body he had been. But for some reason Linda had taken a liking to these stupid baby clothes. Frowning in the mirror he looked like an older girl dressed as a kindergartner, especially with those dumb angel wings.
Arriving at the Terra Linda mall Linda gripped his arm as though he might attempt an escape, though if anything Kirk was totally cowed by his aunt’s determination and not feeling capable of much rebellion.
At the jewelry island in the main court they were forced to stand in line for several minutes. Two places ahead of them were three girls his age who kept giggling and looking back at Kirk and Linda. He heard one whisper “...she’s such a dweeb in that baby dress.” Two were wearing jeans and cutoffs, the other a jeans miniskirt.
He blushed harder as Linda lifted him onto a stool in front of everyone. It felt like everybody was staring though only a few actually did. The young woman in charge quickly snapped a pair of pearl studs into his ears with the admonition to turn them regularly for a month until they healed. “Then she can wear the smarter styles.” Linda picked three other pairs for later use.
At a girls’ store Linda selected some cotton knee length shifts for warm weather night wear. He carried the gowns and and a pair of slippers in his arms as Linda guided him to the dress racks. Seeing endless rows of girls’ accouterments his tattered masculinity mutinied once again. “I’m a boy. I can’t wear these.” More tears and confusion.
While he was whimpering the girls from the jewelry counter happened to be four rows away. One of them, Melanie, picked up on Kirk’s protests and whispered to the others. A giggle fest ensued and they stopped to watch, now all ears. Eventually Melanie approached Linda genuinely curious. “Is she really a boy?”
Linda’s frustration with Kirk’s defiance had been building up all morning. She intended to get him something a little older so they could go together to the fashion shows. Maybe if the girls did find out about Kirk’s birth gender, it might be a good lesson. She became aware that she sounded like her late brother which puzzled her briefly. “Yes,” she told the girl. “I didn’t want to say anything but since he’s already announced it to the whole store he certainly is.”
With this revelation the other girls came forward like mice smelling cheese. Grace confessed that they dressed up her little brother once but weren’t able to make him look very girlie. No matter what they did he wouldn’t act like one and cried if they made him play with dolls. He insisted on getting out his action figures and caking mud all over his dress. Then her mom came home and put an end to it all.
“He makes a real neat girl.” Judy said taking a close look at Kirk. “But why does he dress like a third grader? Is that the way he looks all the time? Is he going to be a girl when he grows up?” She had seen TV shows about boys and men who had changed themselves into girls, or just liked to dress up, but always in more adult fashions, some rather extreme. Kirk was silently hiding on the other side of Linda, now totally embarrassed.
More questions followed one on top of the other. “Is Kirk his real name?” Melanie had become totally absorbed by the situation. Her question was not hostile.
“Yes, that’s his name but everybody calls him Darlene.” Grace guffawed but the others remained more or less serious.
Not eager for a full-fledged gender gabfest Linda broke in with “I just want Darlene to try a few things and maybe you girls can help. I’m sure he’ll appreciate any suggestions.” She gave them some sizes and styles and the girls scattered in search of things they liked, eager to be a part of something so intriguing.
The banter over Kirk continued in and around a changing booth. Melanie brought over a white lace dress that she had seen. Three pairs of eyes stared as Kirk emerged in a lovely confirmation dress while Linda fixed a veil around his head. Turning to Melanie she said “He’ll look nice in this when she and the other girls go for church confirmation next year.” Melanie raised an eyebrow thinking Linda was sounding kind of spacey though she didn’t say anything.
Once in the pretty new dress and veil it seemed to Kirk like Emma had returned. He was once again posing for Abby in one of Madame’s beautiful gowns, from time to time adopting different positions. He and Mary used to gossip about one particularly lovely wedding gown with a six foot train and he blushed at the memory. Emma always hoped for a chance to try it on but never found the opportunity. Was that Emma in Abbey’s mauve with the three foot train, just across the room? No, it was his imagination. But for just a moment .......
When he stopped moving he looked around in surprise and mild embarrassment. There he was in the girls’ dress shop and oddly, the weakness he’d felt for days was gone. Melanie and her chums were applauding. They had never met a boy like him.
“Oh, honey, you model so well.” Linda was beaming and sounding less screwy. “I almost believed you were a girl. You’ll like the fashion shows we’ll see. In a few weeks we’ll drive over to the city and you can bring your new friends.”
Before Kirk could say anything Melanie said she was going for confirmation next year. Maybe she and Darlene could go together. It completely slipped her mind that Kirk was a boy. Judy said her mom wouldn’t let her take modeling lessons and wondered if Darlene would show her how to walk and pose like that. Grace turned out to be the skeptic. “She’s not a boy. Boys just don’t act like that.”
Relenting from her baby dress punishment Linda picked a yellow sleeveless cotton dress with full skirt and a knee length hem for the warm weather. By the time they were done Kirk had on the new frock, now comfortably long enough, pantyhose, padded bra, sensible white heels, matching purse and a light colored broad-brimmed hat that curved inward framing Kirk’s face. The girls stood in awe, their teasing long since expended and our boy(?) now more or less accepted as one of them. While Linda settled the bill he stood with the girls smoothing his skirt and listening to them babble as they picked through counter bins full of costume jewelry.
“I still don’t think you’re a boy,” Grace said as he turned in the parking lot. “You’re just too pretty and poised. And you really look like your aunt.” Deliberately standing aside she watched as Kirk skillfully maneuvered his new skirt with both hands as he got in the vehicle. Linda drove the girls to their homes not far away before getting their phone numbers. As she and Kirk rode away she glanced at her nephew who for the first time in days seemed radiant.
In the parking lot a rather muscular young man wearing a jeans jacket with torn off sleeves walked by Linda’s Toyota just as Kirk and the girls were getting in. His face was quite noticeable because of a number of large acne scars. His hair was dirty blond, scruffy and longish and had not been washed for several days, probably longer. Pausing several car rows away he watched with an amazed expression as Darlene/Kirk gracefully seated himself smoothing his skirt and maneuvering hose-covered legs through the doorway as though they were one appendage. Excited the man jogged over to his pickup a couple of rows farther along with the intention of following Linda’s car, but by the time his engine started they were gone.
To Be Continued...
Comments
Spooky!
Wow! Marlene is running the household and Kirk and aunt are simply following her orders. Will Kirk need another lesson in girlhood? Will (s)he be somebody else? More modern (like 1950's with rock'n roll, poodle skirts etc.) or even more back into history (perhaps a young daughter of a pioneer in the West or that Indian girl who was in the attic). Or will Kirk be even younger - a baby girl in diapers?
The writing is superb - and again the ending leaves one with a question: what next? Who is that young man and what are his intentions?
Just keep writing, thank you!
Hugs,
Sissy Baby Paula and Snowball (my toy puppy)