By NINA ADAMS

This is the story of how far a young High School boy and his mother will go to get into a great college and earn a scholarship. It follows the journey of a bright young boy Taylor as he learns more about himself while in the pursuit of his lifelong college dream. Part 1

Chapter 1:

To some kids college is just a consideration or pipe dream. In my family it was assumed that high school graduation would be just the kicking off point for my real education. My father had been a doctor, my mother graduated with honors from Michigan and my sister was in her first year at Duke. Going to college was a given. The only questions were to which school and what I would major in.

With my sister out of the house my mother and I lived alone in our modest home in the north suburbs of Chicago. My father had passed away when I was eight, but he was around long enough to teach me the importance of school and many of life's other lessons.

I was a pretty typical teenage boy in my junior year of high school. Besides my focus on school I was a dedicated lover of soccer. I played on the high school team and followed the professional game like a compulsion. I was a trim 5’8” tall, but was in excellent physical shape from all of my running and soccer workouts. Like many of the players from my favorite Italian team, I had long flowing hair. My mother’s family had been from Italy and I think I inherited her Italian passion and her thick dark hair.

Junior year is usually the time most students plan out their college strategies and begin to narrow down their college choices. My sister went off to college in pre-law, but I was leaning towards pre-med along my father’s footsteps. Mom had also considered becoming a doctor, but my sisters unscheduled early arrival caused her to shift into nursing. She is now head of nursing at Evanston Hospital, but I always thought she had a small chip on her shoulders because she wanted to go to medical school.

My grades and ACT college test scores were very good, but not eye-popping. I would be able to get into a very good college, but getting into a top 10 type program would be extremely difficult. Our family had no special connections or unusual affiliations. We were not minorities, our income was not exceptionally high, but too high for most financial aid scholarships, and while I was a good soccer player that was not going to get me into any of the top schools.

The cost of school was going to be an important deciding factor. We lived comfortably but not extravagantly. My dad did have a small life insurance policy and my mom made a decent living, but the cost of college was mind-boggling. My sister Nina’s college was costing nearly $60,000 a year and she had plans for law school after she finished her undergraduate degree.

The cost of her education would eat away virtually all of the money mom had put away for the two of us. Unless I could go to a less expensive school or get a scholarship, we were all going to end up in deep debt. I was destined for a low-cost state school unless we could come up with some sort of miracle. I would do almost anything to get into pre-med at one of the elite prestigious schools, but even if I did, I did not want to graduate with a mountain of debt.

Even before my sister went off to Duke we used to play games at dinner trying to come up with unique ways to get a scholarship or an edge getting into college. We looked into strange hobbies, clubs, our family tree and every academic programs under the sun. We considered oddball majors that could get us into the top schools and then we might change our majors after a year or so. It was all good for a few laughs, but never helped us make any real inroads.

My entire life began to change course one Friday morning when my mother was getting a perm. She was at her monthly Lulu appointment at the salon and the discussion turned to the ridiculous cost of higher education. Lulu perked mom’s attention when she talked about how one of her client's kids had gotten a full ride to Northwestern. The child was in her second year of college and majoring in sociology. As it turned out the student had a good but not phenomenal academic record and probably only got in because she was part of a small but unique minority.

Lulu had cut the girls hair on numerous occasions and it even done so before she was a girl. The girl named Jessica was transgendered and was able to obtain a full scholarship from a foundation that supported transgender students. So long as she was still classified as transgendered, all she had to do was participate in some minor study groups in the psychology department. Northwestern supported both the program and foundation and they even granted some favoritism to her application to encourage diversity on campus. She was able to select her own major and receive some preferential treatment with the admissions department.

When my mother heard about this girl it was like a light went off in her head. She convinced Lulu to give her the phone number of the girl's mother so that she could learn more. My mother wasted little time in a introducing herself to this complete stranger. She prepped her introduction on the premise that her only boy was experiencing some gender confusion. I was grateful I had not been aware of her early inquiries or I would have killed her.

The woman was very open and told her how her son announced as an early teen that he wanted to live as a woman. She explained how her husband and her had struggled with it for nearly 2 years before they came to terms and agree to support young Jessie’s desires. As a senior in high school he began to transition. He continued school as a boy while starting a regimen of hormone replacement therapy. Many of Jesse’s friends knew about his decision and before school was out he looked much more like a girl than a boy.

It was during one of the sessions with his psychologist that Jessica learned of Northwestern’s programs and the foundation that sponsored it. He had to go in for a couple of interviews and then submit his transcripts, but they quickly got on board with his application process. Once high school was over Jessie began to live full-time as a girl. Jessica has been doing well in school, but still had not set a date for her final gender reassignment surgery. She had a few minor cosmetic procedures, but most of the changes had been from the hormones.

Over the next week or so my mother did a lot of research and she looked into the foundation and its history. During her entire fact-finding mission she never said a word to me about it. I knew she had been researching some medical and academic subjects, but I just assumed it was for the hospital or nursing program. It was almost 2 weeks later at dinner on Thursday night that the discussion came to include me.

“Taylor, what would you say if I found a way to get you into Northwestern?”

“I would smile that asked how we would pay for it?”

“No seriously, what would you say?”

“You know how much I want to go there, but we have talked about this a zillion times. It’s a long shot at best to get in there and there is no way we can afford it.”

“But what if we could?”

“I would do anything to go there. Outside of Harvard or Princeton, it is square at the top of my college WishList. It has an outstanding pre-med program and the school has everything. It's hard to imagine anywhere else I would rather be.”

“How committed are you?”

“Mom, what’s up with you? You know how committed I am to going there. I have a Northwestern wildcat cheerleader poster on my bedroom wall.”

“You know I didn’t like you putting that up.”

“Okay, okay, but why are you teasing me about this?”

“Well honey, I have learned about an obscure program they offer at Northwestern that might just keep you from going to State U.”

“Really! Count me in.”

“The plan would assist much like an affirmative action program to get you into the school and it would probably provide a complete tuition scholarship.”

“Affirmative action? Mom we looked into this. We are too classically average. We are as white as a sheet of paper and we are a smorgasbord of ethnicity. I don’t see how we would possibly qualify.”

“Well it would require you to participate in activities of a unique minority group, both before you entered the school and as long as you were enrolled there.”

“That would count?”

“Well it’s a very small group of students and it’s not quite that simple.”

“I’m still listening, but I knew it was too good to be true.”

“Honey if you keep a very open-mind, it could be your steppingstone to Northwestern and eventually medical school.”

“Mom, cut to the chase. What is the group and what do I have to do?”

“I know this may sound a little crazy on the surface, but I know it can work. I think it might even be a great experience for you.”

“Spit it out already.”

“Well the group is called the TSA.”

“TSA?”

“The Transgendered Student Alliance.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You would apply as a transgendered student.”

“Transgendered! Isn’t that like transsexual?”

“Transgendered is a broad term that applies to all types of gender issues. In reality most transgendered people don’t have sex changes. Some just have personal gender issues that make it challenging for them to fit in.”

“You want me to apply as a transgendered student? That’s crazy!”

“I suspected that would be your initial feeling. However all you would have to do is explore your gender feelings and you could write your ticket to college.”

“Mom, they are not going to give me a golden ticket for just exploring my gender feelings. Besides, I am not transgendered. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Taylor, you just need to participate in some minor ongoing programs and at least honestly admit to having some cross gender feelings.”

“Well I’m not going to lie.”

“I don’t want you to lie, but at least consider that you have some feminine feelings. It’s not going to hurt you to admit it.”

“But I don’t.”

“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your feminine side. I even think it’s healthy for you.”

“Mom, I don’t want to pretend to be a feminine.”

“Taylor, I am not saying you are any less my boy, but I know you have a special side to you.”

But.... what are you saying?”

“Honey, even when you were little you liked to play with your sister like two girls. I remember many times you would dress up in Nina’s ballerina or princess costume. I always thought that was so adorable.”

“Mom I was just a little kid and it was usually Nina's idea.”

“Maybe, but you did it quite a lot and you were very convincing.”

“I grew out of that.”

“Well I know that it has been three years since your last Halloween dress-up, but I think your last three costumes were a witch, cowgirl and a zombie cheerleader. Am I wrong?”

“That was with friends and I didn’t have any other ideas. I also remember the cowgirl thing was your idea.”

“I think you are right, but you could have gone as a cowboy.”

“Even if I did enjoy some goofy role-playing, I am all boy now.”

“I’m not saying you are not. I just want you to open your mind to the fact that you enjoy playing the girls role.”

“That’s stretching things, but for the sake of discussion okay.”

“You are a great athlete and I am so proud of you, but you have always had a sensitive side. You care about your fashion choices more than most boys, and you even chose to get your ears pierced on your own.”

“I only asked to get one pierced. It was your idea to get both.”

“And you got both with no hesitation.”

“All those things don’t mean I want to be a girl!”

“I’m not saying that. All I am trying to say is that you can discuss honestly some gender related issues as part of your TSA college strategy. I wouldn’t want you to lie, only be open and admit that you have thought about gender role playing and have certain shared interests with girls.”

“You want me to talk with a stranger about playing dress-up?”

“The stranger would be a Doctor sworn to secrecy. As part of the application process, you need to get an endorsement from a qualified psychologist. Outside of the doctor’s recommendation, everything you say will be confidential.”

“What if the doctor doesn’t want to recommend me for the program? Then I have embarrassed myself for nothing.”

“Northwestern is not nothing. You have absolutely nothing to lose and it will almost certainly be a very cathartic experience for you. You can talk about any personal issues you like and it will be private.”

“Let’s say I am willing to try. A few dress-up tales will not likely convince a doctor that I would be of any real value to, or possibly benefit from, a transgender student program.”

I think we can and I help influence the impression you make by enhancing those attributes you possess that might stand out.”

“What attributes?”

I’m just saying that you are a beautiful boy and if you presented yourself in a way that brought out more of your natural beauty, then the doctor could appreciate your gender ambiguities.”

“I’m not completely following you.”

“I’m just saying that when you meet the doctor an even more androgynous appearance might help compensate enough to get some consideration. Just wear some gender neutral clothes, and brush out your very long hair in a way that shows how much you care for it. Don’t just wrap a rubber band in the back and look grungy .”

“You want me to pretend to be more effeminate?”

“I’m only suggesting that you bring to the surface more of what is already there. You have gorgeous hair, pierced ears, you take great care of your figure and you always like to wear stylish clothes. Those things are who you are and all I am suggesting is that we put those front and center and we use them to make a good impression.”

“It’s still seems a bit deceiving.”

“It would be for your friend Mac, but not so much for you. When you go to church you dress up nice out of respect and to make a good impression. This is the same thing. When you introduce yourself you will need to reflect the right attitude and appearance. A little extra effort would at least get you through the door.”

“As bad as I want to get into Northwestern this just sounds so drastic. If it works I will be stuck with a label.”

“You always told me that labels are for bigots and closed minded people. This is your chance to express that. Values only matter when standing up for them it is difficult.”

“True, but if I am successful I will need to be comfortable enough to follow through.”

“I suspect you will enjoy it more after the initial nervousness wears off. It’s not like you didn’t enjoy your past gender bending experiences. This will just be on a new level.”

“Let’s say I am willing, what would be necessary? You seem to have all the answers.”

“It starts with the psychologist. You would have to go to probably 4 to 6 sessions before we could ask for a recommendation. Assuming the doctor is on board, then we would submit your college application in April. The TSA at Northwestern have an interview process in late June on campus. If all goes well you would know before your senior year started.”

“How did you get all of this?”

“I will explain it all to you later, but it started with Lulu and one of her clients. It all came together from that. Without Lulu, I would never have known about this.”

“So weird. I have always liked Lulu. She's always been nice to me when she trims my hair.”

“See, you even like going to a salon to get your haircut.”

“Barbers don’t understand having long hair.”

“You don’t have to convince me.”

“Do I know Lulu’s client?”

“No, she went to Deerfield high school, but maybe someday you will meet her.”

“I guess for now you can count me in. If it gets too bizarre, then we will have to see.”

“I figured you would agree. In two weeks on Saturday you have an appointment with Dr. Ruth Gordon, and following that you will have a standing Saturday appointment with her until you get the recommendation or we decide to stop. She may want to meet you a couple of times during the week until she gets a good handle on your case.”

Wow, you have this all planned out. But Mom, let’s keep this our secret. I don’t want my friends to know I am seeing a psychologist.”

“Of course, Lulu is the only other person who knows anything about the subject. And she doesn’t know about our intentions.”

“This is a lot to take in and a very strange concept for me to absorb. May I be excused to finish up my homework?”

“Yes, you need to keep your grades up for this to be successful. For now that should be your focus. I will take care of the rest.”

CHAPTER 2:

My mother and I did not discuss our unconventional strategy again for over a week. It didn’t stop me from thinking about it quite a lot. I kept thinking about what she said about me and how I have some gender issues. I did enjoy the few experiences dressing up, but I never thought anyone really cared or paid attention. The discussion was making me second guess my own dressing up motivations and felt like a direct punch to my psyche.

A couple of days before my Saturday psychologist appointment my mother casually mention that I also had a hair appointment with Lulu. It would not have even registered, but I was not due to see her yet.

“Why so soon?”

“I want you to look nice for your appointment. We talked about this.”

“What is she going to do that I can’t do myself at home?”

“Chill out. She’s on our team. She is just going to help you present yourself in a stylish, but more androgynous way.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Questions, questions. She doesn’t know very much about your scholarship intentions, but in order to coax out all the information on the other girl, I had to at least clue her in on some of your gender issues.”

“What do you mean other girl?”

“Don’t be so sensitive.”

“There goes our secret.”

“You’ve known her for years, you can trust her. All she knows is that you are having some ambiguous feelings like her other client Jessica. I told her that after she finished up with you, that you would be going directly over to see Jessica’s doctor to sort them out. That’s all she also knows at this point. She knows you are sensitive to this getting out.”

I had a hard time focusing on my school work that evening and rapidly my anxiety level skyrocketed. I kept telling myself Northwestern was worth it.

Saturday morning arrived too quickly. When I emerged from the shower I found some new clothing on my bed.

“Mom, where did this clothes come from?”

“Taylor, I bought you some new jeans and a matching top for your appointment today.”

“I don't need anything new. I have nice jeans.”

“These are more stylish. We talked about you reflecting your fashion sense and range. At Macy's, the top was paired with the jeans on the display.”

The jeans were hard to pull up my legs. There was a small zipper at the bottom of each leg that I had to loosen to get them to slide all the way up. These were a lot like skinny jeans, but fit me more like my running tights. The pockets were virtually useless. They were so small and tight that their was no way I could keep anything in them. These may have been a new style, but they were a radical design compared to anything I owned.

The T-shirt was also unconventional. It was a very pale purple with a thick black band at the oval neckline. The neckline had a flat silver beaded pattern mixed in. It was stylish, but not remotely masculine. I knew my mother had chosen this set so that I would appear more androgynous, but I thought it looked too feminine. I tried to complain by yelling down the hall. My barking fell on deaf ears.

“Please just get dressed and let me see you.”

“These clothes are so sissy-like, mom.”

They’re fine. It’s very important that you express more of your gender neutral side. Get dressed and let me see you.”

I reluctantly pulled the top over my head and it floated down my torso. It was very soft and was much longer than any of my other tops. The shirt covered my fake pockets which I was grateful for, however, the sleeves were only three quarter length. I couldn’t imagine wearing these clothes if there wasn’t so much on the line.

I had to idea what shoes to wear with this get up so I walked down to my mothers room in my bare feet.

“You look nearly perfect. I think that should do well for a first impression. I have some cute bracelets that would look great on you, but I don’t think you should over-dress for your first appointment. I bought you some basic clogs that will look great with that combo.”

Mom handed me a pair of black patent leather Dansko clogs. They were exactly like a brown pair I already owned, but mine were just brushed leather. These were very shiny and much more eye-catching.

“You don’t even need socks.”

I flipped them over my feet to complete my ensemble.

“Mom, where do I put my wallet and keys?”

“For now you can keep them in your coat pockets, but I will need to get you something for that. I haven’t had enough time to properly expand your wardrobe.”

“I think you have done plenty.”

“Before we head out, I want you to put your nice set of gold studs in your ears. I think some of my nicer earrings would look great on you, but for today it's only important to show a hint of your flexible gender expression.”

I was grateful to wear my heavy black leather jacket over my strange outfit. I guess my coat could be classified as gender neutral, but at least it didn’t scream sissy or girl.

I was very apprehensive when I got out of the car in Lulu's parking lot. I had been seeing her for my trims and cuts all the way back to when my father had passed away. She was only 30, and I always valued her opinions because I thought she had such a great sense of style. I remember having a crush on her when I was younger. She had never given me a hard time about my long hair and always gave me good tips to care for it. I only saw her every couple of months, but I considered her a friend.

Inside her small shop I had to wait about 10 minutes before she was free for my appointment. Normally, while waiting, I would flip through the entertainment or fashion magazines, but for the first time I was stressing out and sitting almost petrified. My mother left to run some errands and I felt like I was on a pedestal. There were four women getting cuts and treatments and I kept glancing at them to see if they were staring at me.

After what seemed like forever, Lulu called me over to her styling chair. Fortunately, it was the most remote area of the salon and the least visible to the other patrons.

“Take off your coat Taylor and have a seat.”

“Hi Lulu, how have you been?”

“Just fine. Your mother tells me you have been doing great at school.”

“I guess. Just a lot going on with school plans and other things.”

“That’s what I hear. Oh, that’s a lovely tunic you are wearing. Where did you get that?”

“Tunic?”

“Your top silly.”

“I have no idea. My mom bought it for me. She also got me the jeans and shoes.”

“I love all the new tight styles. It’s amazing all of the different looks you can create with them now. You really look very cute in that tunic and tights combo.”

“I have never gone out dressed like this before. I am having a real hard time getting comfortable with it. Please don’t tease me.”

“Honey I would never tease you. I think it is great that you are being open with your feelings and finally exploring your opportunities. To be honest with you I always suspected that you might have these desires.”

“I don’t know what my mom said, but I am only dressed this way to express my flexibility. It’s not what you think.”

“I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I know you have an appointment after we are done. This must be very challenging for you and it is a big step. I will try and help you however I can.”

“Thank you Lulu. I know you mean well.”

“You know I always wondered what I could do with your beautiful hair. It’s so long now and there are quite a few options we could choose.”

“Lulu, all I need is my trim. Mom wants my hair to look nice so it is obvious at my appointment that I take extra special care of it. That is really all I need, besides, I have to go back to school on Monday and I don't want to look like a weirdo.”

“I understand, I am not going to cut much or make any major permanent changes. It’s mostly how I will set it. I am going to give it more volume and bounce. Tomorrow you can wash your hair and it will return to almost normal. Your mom wanted me to add some style for today and soften your look a bit.

“Nothing crazy please. Okay?”

“Of course, trust me you will look fabulous. You have great bone structure and a little magic will make just the right impression. Just relax while I wash your hair.”

Lulu gave me a very relaxing wash and scalp massage. She covered me with a purple cape and began to comb out my hair.

“You know, I could give you a gorgeous trendy new look, but I understand that might be too much for you right now. Maybe another day we can be more adventurous, but for now I am going to just even off the lengths as best I can. As your hair continues to grow even longer, the uniform length will give us the most options. You will be able to style it as little or as much as your mood dictates.”

“Okay, just trim away.”

It didn’t take very long to trim my hair. She actually clipped slightly more in the back than in the front. When she put her scissors down she started sectioning my hair and rolling in a curler.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to give you some volume and put some wave in your hair.”

“Those are hair curlers. I can’t wear these.”

“You only have to wear them long enough for your hair to dry. As I said before, you can wash your hair later and the waves will fade away. Have I ever given you a bad cut?”

“No, but this is different.”

“Calm down, this is the best way for you to explore your gender feelings in a temporary, but attractive way. Remember I am in your corner.”

“I’m just so embarrassed.”

“No need to be. No one is paying much attention and anyone who looked back here would probably just assume you were a girl.”

“That’s what makes me nervous. Let’s just get it over with.”

It took Lulu almost 15 minutes to put in nearly 20 curlers. I felt very foolish, but after the first two or three I began to relax. Lulu had never spent so much time working on my hair. With all the effort Lulu had put into my mass of hair it finally had sunk in how long I had let it grow. I didn’t know any male classmates with hair as long as mine. I started thinking about why I had let it grow so long. I liked my hair long and it never seemed anything but normal to me to let it continue to lengthen.

When she was finished with the rolling. She sprayed a setting lotion on each roller.

I just need to let that set for a couple of minutes and I will put you under a dryer. In the meantime I am just going to clean up your face a little.”

“What's wrong with my face?”

“Just some wild hair growth.”

She removed what little fuzz that could be considered sideburns. I really didn’t have any facial hair at this point and she made certain I was smooth as a baby. She began plucking my eyebrows before I started to complain.

“I am just evening them out and giving them just a hint of shape. I have plucked some of these before and you never complained.”

“Okay, but not too many.”

She clearly plucked more that she had in the past.

“No one will notice anything other then how much better they frame your beautiful eyes. They are still bushy and all I did was move the peak over just a small fraction. It’s time to dry your hair.”

I wasn’t sure how long I was under the dryer, but I was happy to return to Lulu’s more private remote cubicle.

“I don’t want you to see yourself until I get all of the rollers out, so I’m going to turn your chair around.”

After removing the rollers she took a long wire tooth comb and brushed out each section. I could see the smile on her face growing with each stroke of the comb.

“You know a little makeup would be the perfect finishing touch.”

“No way.”

“Alright then, are you ready to see the new Taylor?”

“As much as I will ever be.”

“She removed the cape and turned the chair around.”

“My heart skipped a beat. It didn’t look like me. I looked like a cute girl. I was both attracted and startled by my image. This was not even close to androgynous. This was a girl style. It may not have been cut dramatically, but the waves of curly hair had beautifully feminized my face. I was certainly going to scream a boy with major gender issues when I saw the Doctor.”

“I look like a girl!”

“Yes you do. Don’t you love it?”

“I can’t go out like this. People will look at me funny.”

“They might look at you, but not in a funny way.”

“They will see through my hairstyle and know I am a boy.”

“Hardly, but just a touch of makeup and it would be impossible.”

“This is already too much.”

“A couple of strokes and no one would ever suspect a thing.”

”Fine, as long as I can wash it off when I get home.”

Lulu turned the chair around again. She worked on my eyes for a few minutes. Next she put some powder on my cheeks followed by some pinkish red lip gloss. I started to resist the last step, but she insisted it was the last thing.

I still had not seen the finished look when my mother walked over to the chair.

“Oh my goodness. Taylor you look stunning. I can’t believe how glamorous you look.”

Lulu turned the chair so I could see the full effect. I could have been a model on a magazine cover. What little boyish elements my face possessed were completely masked by Lulu's handiwork. I was at a loss for words. It didn’t stop Lulu and my mother from discussing my successful transformation.

“Lulu, this is more complete than I anticipated, but Taylor looks ravishing. He even resembles his sister. I would have been happy with just a fraction of this, but I am sure Taylor will make a bold impression with the therapist. I feel strange calling Taylor a ‘he’ right now.”

“You know Rachel, I would have to completely agree with you on that. At least while he is glowing so beautifully.”

“I'm sorry, but we need to run now. Taylor’s appointment is in only 10 minutes and I don’t want to be late. Thank you. I will settle up with you when I come in next Friday.”

Moments later I was being whisked out the door and off to the car. My mother couldn’t take her eyes off me.

“Taylor, I am sorry that this seems to have gotten a little out of hand. I told Lulu we were going to Jessica’s gender therapist and that you wanted to reflect on the inside and outside some of the same feelings that Jessie had expressed. I didn’t ask her to do a total makeover. I certainly didn’t say anything about makeup.”

“The makeup just happened. When I saw my hair, I sort of freaked out. I was afraid that I looked so girlish and I didn’t want anyone to suspect I was a boy. Lulu suggested a little make up to insure that no one would notice me and I went along. I didn’t realize it would be this dramatic.”

Taylor you look lovely. Other than a flat chest you look like you walked out of a 17 magazine. I’m sure you are as pretty as any other girl at your school.”

“Mom, there goes that ‘other girl’ thing again. I may look like one, but I am your son. I feel like I am dressed for Halloween again.”

“Well you always enjoy dressing then, so you must be enjoying it now.”

“Enjoy is not the first words that came to mind. I think stunned would be more appropriate.”

“Okay, but how do you feel about looking so beautiful?”

“I like that I turned out attractive, but I am extremely conflicted about that.”

“Well that’s part of the point. Just remember to tell the doctor that you like looking pretty. If the doctor accepts that as your honest feelings, I am sure we are on our way to getting his recommendation.”

“I just didn’t think I would be taking this so far.”

“It’s worth it and besides I know deep down that at least part of you is enjoying this.”

“Whatever. I just hope I don’t run into anyone I know.”

The appointment was less difficult than I anticipated, Dr. Gordon was very friendly and not at all judgmental. She managed to complement my appearance without me getting defensive or uncomfortable. Very little of the actual discussion turned out to be about my gender issues. She just wanted to know more about me and my family. We talked about things I’ve never spoken to anyone about. I was there for almost an hour and a half, but was surprised when our time was up. We scheduled a follow-up session for Wednesday after school. She felt that it would be better than waiting until our next standing appointment Saturday.