Antifreeze…Part 6.

I really didn’t want to see the police here.

My stomach is in knots just from all the bullshit form earlier and this; this is really the last thing that we need. That I need and I’m really hoping that they’re not going to try and come after Chris given what’s already happened.

We all get out of our vehicles and the police get out of theirs. Well they’re not coming with weapons drawn at least. Honestly I was expecting something bad like that.

Mom and Uncle Rothman walk over to meet them and they’re talking and the cops are looking at me and Uncle Roth motions me over to them. Chris and I come over I’m feeling shaky again but he’s holding my hand.

“Ms. Starr?”

“Yes.”

“We’ve gotten some serious calls over the course of the funeral from Steven Jameson? He’s filed a series of complaints ranging from identity fraud to disturbing the peace to utterance of death threats. Do you mind if we ask you some questions.”

“No officer I don’t have anything to hide anymore.”

“Anymore?”

“I used to be Shane Jameson.”

“Oh, so what…we need to talk about this more is there a place we can talk?”

Stacy steps up. “We can use my place it’s not set up for the wake.”

She leads up to her trailer and she starts some coffee and I sit and Chris sits with me on the couch still holding my hand. Only two of the officers came in with us the other two are staying outside near their cruiser.

Coffees in front of us the officer that was talking takes a sip. “I think there’s a lot more to this than what we’ve been told Ms. Starr. For one Shane Jameson was a boy.”

“I’m in transition I’m transgendered.”

“I gathered you pass amazingly well.” He’s pretty frank about it but the other cop looks nervous.

“Thank you, I’ve been on hormones for a long time now and had some work done.”

“It explains things.”

“Oh?”

“There were people, some of the women more than willing to interject their opinions of you when we were called about this by your brother and his wife along with Minister Bradford.”

“That makes some sense there’s a lot of GG that somehow get threatened by us. Especially if we pass well.”

The older officer is nodding but the other fellow looks confused.

“But perhaps we should stick to the events at hand Miss Starr?”

“Okay…I was in a teenage relationship when my father found out and my home situation became abusive. I ran away from home ending up in California and had desired to remain so until my mother called me about returning home for his funeral.”

“I see…so your mother called you first.”

“Yes I never sought them out.”

“Can I ask why?’

“I didn’t want to have anything to do with any of them.” I just sort of stare into my coffee cup and Mom and Stacy and the others are quiet.

He looks at my mother. “So you called Shayne about returning home and you hadn’t had any previous contact with her before this?”

She shakes her head. “No…I didn’t even know that she was still alive. After a few years there was no progress in finding her and everything had ground to a halt. It was Scott that had found her by hiring a private investigator. He had found her and…”

“And?”

“There was this money from a relative that had been left to the family and it had been split up between the children. Scott…”

Mom stops and she’s crying. I look at the police officer. “My father found out about me and my life and he was trying to finally have me declared legally dead so that he could claim the money for himself. Since I’d changed my name and my identity I think he might’ve been close to doing it.”

“I see why is that?”

“Because Steven wanted the papers my father had. Enough to come earlier and cause trouble himself.”

“Can I see those papers?”

I look to Chris and he takes out the bundle of papers that were the things about me. I lay stuff out and go through it with them but I’m not giving it over to them. They can look and I’m sure I can find a place to make copies but I’m not leaving the originals with them.

But the doesn’t really want them and he takes notes but he takes screen shots with his phone of things too like the bills from the PI and stuff and the legal papers to have me declared dead and stuff.

“You might have to stick around a while Shayne, but I can see the uproar that has been sparked up by all of this.”

“You can?”

“Oh we’re more than passingly familiar with Minister Bradford and the kinds of complaints that we seem to get from them about people. It’s not the first time that they’ve been involved in something like this either.”

“It isn’t?”

He nods. “But the law is the law and we do have to investigate these matters. Now if you wanted to talk to someone about Steven attempting to commit fraud then I’m sure we can arrange that.”

“I don’t know, fraud?”

“Well it might not be my place to say Miss but since your brother here sent us with a bunch false allegations and he was very adamant that we do something to and I quote... “Get that Starr person away from my family.”

“It’s what he’s been saying since I showed up he’s even been trying to get people up in arms about me being back and being trans.”

“Well I can recommend that you file charges yourself over this. Please don’t leave town until we get things cleared up.”

“I have work back in LA that I’ve taken time off from to be here.”

“You also are living and working under a set of false identification.”

“I needed to live.”

“I understand that but a lot of people won’t. Get a lawyer as well and get things settled with your identity as soon as possible.”

He gets up to leave. “I hope that you have a less stressful day folks, we really wish that we hadn’t had to come out here with this especially during this time.”

I get up and I shake his hand and that of his partners as I walk them to the car. “You both are welcome to come over to the main house we have way more things there made for us than we know what to do with.”

“I’m afraid we can’t we have to be going but the other fellows in the car over there are going to stay for awhile.”

“To make sure nothing happens?”

“Actually yes.”

“Because of that Minister?”

“Yes and no. I really don’t think HE’d do anything but they’re part of one of those really right wing fundamentalist kind of churches and you never know.”

Chris looks over at him. “Just how fundy are we talking?”

“Huckabee stopped here and they put his rally on for him there. Steven was part of that too I think.”

I shake my head. I’m a Dem if I’m allowed to be anything in my current legal state but even then I don’t hate all the Repubs either but some of them are just kind of nuts like Huckabee or worse Santorum.

But I get why he’s being careful. Honestly these people that are that fundy and judgy and stuff can be pretty unhinged. I lean on Chris and we thank them again before heading to Stacy’s trailer again and getting our things and heading to the house.

It’s pretty packed and I’m sticking close to Chris but I’m helping out in the kitchen a lot. I barely know the people coming to the house and stuff so I make coffees for people get cups of tea and cut up some of the sweets that people bought and set them out on plates.

I’m actually good at plating stuff from working at Trader Joes. I actually do things some times in other departments sometimes to cover a shift or something and I’ve done the deli trays that we sell for like flash catering styled stuff. I do my best and while the food seems to go pretty quickly it’s getting smiles from mom and my sisters that makes this worth some of the bullshit of the day and while I look the part and they’ve been treating me the part well there’s just certain things like the whole Molly homemaker stuff that kind of really shows them that Yes…I am a Woman.

I even almost enjoy some of the attention. In a non sexual way. There’s some people that really don’t know me checking me out but the better attention is from a few of the relatives there that I know and that aren’t too phased by me being in transition.

It’s nice actually being seen the way I am by a few of them as something that’s just okay. I actually get a lot of “As long as you’re happy’s” and a few comments like. “No one that makes this good a girl would ever make it as a boy.”

That well those I smile at well the being happy ones but I kind of shrug at the other ones and say. “I know lots of different kinds, boys and girls and everything in between and even outside of it. It’s all good really. I just know that I’m not a boy, never was.”

“How’d you know? I heard some people always knew.”

“I think I knew I was off and didn’t get why and never really thought about it until I found some porn with girls like me in it.”

“So…it was a porn thing….?” One of them asks looking kind of squeamish now about it like aha! I knew this was perverted or something.

“Nope, the very first thing that hit me was…these are boys, and they’re pretty and beautiful and they’re boys too so I can be too.”

“But we heard you were caught….”

“I was a teenager, full of hormones and being curious and without anyone that I knew that I could turn to I started experimenting.”

“There was drugs.” I hear one of them say.

“There was some pot and most of that was shake.”

“Shake? Like shake and bake?”

I laugh. “No, it’s the leaf and not the bud from the weed it’s something that dealers sell to dumb little kids like me.”

“You still doing drugs then?”

“Nope, got into it for awhile but getting messed up’s not a good idea if you’re looking to stay safe. There’s way too many people out there just waiting to hurt anyone hey can especially if you’re vulnerable.”

I’m getting some looks. I look back. Then a few hugs. It’s mostly from other women. Other women get it. I mean if they can get past my being transgendered they get it because all too many women at some point get abused.

Some of us too much caught in the trap of trying to be the women that we are inside so much that we get into places and situations that shred us up inside even more.

I’m actually a little surprised at the few hugs from those that get what I was saying and that really helps through the rest of the afternoon. Chris being there helps most of all. He’s there just not as my knight in shining armor but way more than that. It’s the little touches as he helps me in the kitchen, the way he looks and smiles at me across the room. The way he slides up behind me when somehow we get talking about my daddy, the guy he was when I was little and was this guy I so wish stayed as my father.

There’s nothing like having that person who honestly loves and cares about you pull you back against them and hold you warm and tight and just letting parts of you inside left go…that it’s okay and that you don’t have to hold it together because they’re holding you together.

There’s nothing like those parts of you getting that kind of a breather.

I’ve learned to be strong, been put on my guard for so long part of me expects pain and having to fight back inside and I’m still stunned at the way Chris can make me feel.

Like he’s takes my arms and clenched fists on that hurt scared abused girl inside and instead of fighting he’s pulled me out to dance.

It’s still a long day and it’d after seven before we get everyone out of the house and the dishes cleaner up and Mom’s plugging the phone back in.

“Mom?”

“Oh, it’s okay honey I just didn’t want us disturbed.”

“They were calling weren’t they?”

She just gives me a sad smile. “Oh honey it’s alright they we’re saying much of anything but garbage.”

“I’m sorry Mom.”

“No, Shayne you don’t be sorry, you’re the last person that should be sorry in this house.”

“I’m bringing you trouble.”

“No honey you brought my baby girl home.” She smiles and wipes tears away.

“Mooommm….” I’m crying again as I go over to her and we hug each other. We hold each other and Chris comes in to the living room changed and smiling. I lean up as he leans down and kisses me, I kiss him and it’s really nice.

“Call home Shayne.”

“Hmmm…” Between the kisses and being tired I’m a little spacey.

“We’re going to be here a bit longer settling things right?”

“Yeah, good idea it’s not as late there.” I hug Mom again and kiss him and head to my room to use the cell phone and I call Gary and he’s okay with it but he sounds concerned. I’ll admit I vented and cried to him over the phone. He’s a good man and a friend and I cry about Steven and the money and everything…especially the situation with my ID’s.

He’s really good about everything actually telling me no matter what my job will be waiting there for me. It’s a huge relief actually. And it was way more that Gary got it and was still good with me.

Michelle was next and she said that I needed to do whatever I needed to do. She even offered to put a few calls into “good friends.” that could stop by and make things easier. I’ll admit that I was tempted. But I said no because in the end really I’m just not that kind of girl. I’m not really into violence or hate and that’d just escalate things I think.

I hear chainsaws going after I hang up and see Chris and Shawn out there with Uncle Roth cutting up the rest of the wood that dad never finished. I change back into the clothes I can in and go outside to help.

Shawn’s looking at me when I’m tugging out the wood splitter from the garage. I’m kind of in a tug of war with the thing getting it there but I do. I’m filling the gas up from a jerry-can when he asks.

“I thought you were a girl?”

“Oh I am, what you’ve never seen a girl do this?”

“No, it’s not that it’s just you’re so girly Shayne…and you dance for money.”

“Hey, I also work five days a week at a Trader Joes and I’ll have you know that dancing is hard work.”

“Okay, okay…it’s just.”

“Shawn I am girly, I love that too…I love being pretty and nice things and stuff it just also doesn’t mean I don’t like to work my best or that I’m squeamish about getting something done that needs to be done.”

“Yeah…” Tina says giving him a slap to is stomach as she joins me and soon we’re all out here.

Stacy has the hardest time so she’s on the lever for the wood splitter. While Mom watches the kids and the logs are good and dry so the wood’s pretty decently dry even after it’s split. Sarah’s cleaning out the basement area where the wood got piled for the furnace and we break after it’s all chain sawed and split and have coffee and some more of the chocolates I brought before we all get together and load the wood into the basement.

We talk and laugh together, old stories about things that had happened before I left and stuff like that as well as stories from where we work.

I giggle at the stares from them when I’m describing some of the acts I put on. I don’t go into lurid details but enough. Sarah sounds fascinated and she asks lots about backstage life and the other girls and stuff while trying to sound more interested in my life that the fact she’s interested in the girls I work with maybe. Stacy and Tina both don’t get how I can dance in four and five inch heels. And there’s a lot of questions about Los Angeles and living out in California more than anything else. Chris and I both tell them things that we‘ve done and that we’ve seen mostly as we were doing odd jobs and getting settled but now we’re as guilty as everyone else and it’s work, home, work and then catching up on all the stuff you never got done because you were working.

“I never even got to the beach last year.” I admit.

Sarah stares at me. “California…I’d live at the beach.”

I laugh. “I did when I first got there, trust me Serr you don’t want to live at the beach.”

“So I guess bathing suits are a problem?”

“Why?”

Sarah grabs at her crotch in this imitation of a guy grabbing his unit. I bust out laughing because it’s just sooo not the way I’d ever pictured talking to my sisters.

“No, I’m pretty good.”

“Huh?”

I undo my pants and pull them down.

Shawn recoils. “Shayne jeeze!”

Stacy and Sarah are leaning in to look more. “Tucked?” Stacy asks.

“Nope I’m just really small from the hormones and stuff and when I’m not aroused I’m small enough that It doesn’t really look any different in tight panties of a bikini bottom.”

“Oh…but you have such a great tan?” Sarah asks.

I do up my pants and grin at Shawn who was staring in the end with a guy’s reaction about my stuff. He looks freaked that I’d do that or go that far. Tina’s soothing him with kisses but she’s kind of chuckling too.

“We have tanning beds at the club.”

“Oh, I though you like all tanned out there.”

“Some do but I don’t have the time usually but I do love the sun. I hate being cold.”

She pouts and gets poutier when we talk about some of the bad beaches. There are good ones too and most are actually businesses so they’re pretty clean but the beach stereotype is just that a stereotype.

I do talk about Moho beach one of my faves and it’s just a little cove strip but it’s one of those locals only places with a strong latino, cubano presence and how a locals beach is different and better than the ones that people here about all the time.

And once we’re done I find myself with Chris heading to the 24/7 grocery store.

I get tilapia for the fish and some skin on pork fat and all the fixings for a few more dishes and it’s one in the morning and we’re eating Mexican street foods to show them some L.A. and even some fusion stuff.

Chicharonnes…the pork fat and skin boiled first to get them soft and then into a hot deep fryer. I take them out and toss them in dried ground ancho chili and a bit of cumin and salt and pepper.

Fish tacos…I’m lazy and bought the hard corn shells but it’d just good deep fried fish in strips the way that I do it. Mayo with lime and chopped jalapenos in it avocado and some coleslaw and they’re really good.

Fusion I do with some Kimchi mixed with the regular slaw from my fish tacos but I cooked teriyaki ground beef and toss in some of the chopped jalapenos into the slaw kimchi mixture.

Asian-Mexican is really big with the food trucks down home right now.

We pig out and we all sit together watching movies. There’s me and my sisters all together on the couch all under the blankets watching The Notebook and Forty Days and Forty nights going through all the sighs, grabs for each other and girly crying.

I wake up briefly around four and we’re all on the floor together with pillows added at some point and a few quilts and sleeping bags.

My very first sleepover. I mist up a little and snuggle in and go back to sleep.

Tomorrow’s likely going to be challenging at the very least and the so will the rest of my time home.

I just want this, right here right now for as long as I can have it.