Synopsis: During Simcha Torah things change. It is better for me and others.
Is religious in nature.

After nearly a month of Holy Days we end the cycle with a religious celebration called Simcha Torah. It is a most unusual holy day. We carry the Torahs seven times around the synagogue, and sometimes outside. Each time we sing and dance with the Torahs. The songs this year included MiPi El (1), David Melich (1), Am Yisrael Chi (1), Od Yishama (1), and this year, a song I first heard more than fifty years ago, Tumbalalaika (2). Although much of the dancing is a version of the hora, amorphous choreographed Israeli dancing is often the case. It is organized, and often disorganized, kayos.

Finally, at the end of dancing with the Torahs those seven times we read both the end and the beginning of the Torah, showing a truth that the Torah has no ending, nor beginning. As usual for the holy day, there were five readings because it was Sunday. According to tradition the first Alliah belongs to the kohaim, all of them present. That portion is read followed by calling up the rest of the tribe of Levi present. Next came the remainder of the men. The fourth was for the women.

I was stopped. I didn’t understand why. I knew that their refusal was not because I was transgendered. I was fully accepted as a woman at this and other synagogues in the area. Once, recently, I was required to be behind the mehitzah (curtain dividing men and women), something that grated me to no end even before I transitioned, but I accepted because that was that synagogue’s custom.

A few minutes later I understood. I was called up to do the Torah blessings as the agent for the children as the congregation sang, Hamalach Hagoel (1, 3). I barely held back tears as I climbed the bema (platform) thinking of the honor of being the children’s adopted grandma. In a previous year, I was Catan B’reishit (groom of Breshit). Today I am Callah B’reisheit (bride of Genesis). It is a special honor. To have it twice on one lifetime is extremely rare.

I looked at all the children that were under the very large tallitot and decided that a few of the younger ones would “assist” me with the blessings. After asking her, I took Maddie, a child less than a year old, and put her on my shoulders. She willingly held onto my hat and face making it hard for me to see. Then Samuel, a three-year-old, was held in my right arm. Rachel, who was four, went into my left arm.

I nodded and the Torah was opened to the beginning of the Torah before I pressed my Tallit (prayer shawl) on the proper place, or as close to it I could considering my helpers, then made the blessings. The reader began to read.

But, I didn’t hear a thing. I felt, instead, the world turn on its ear. Things were different, while it seemed the same. My sense of being was now correct. As my senses cleared, I noticed there was another two large tallitot still being held by my siblings and our spouses that went over my children and my sibling’s children that had not come of age. They included my twins, Issy and Steffi, who were going to have their bat mitzvah in a matter of weeks. I noticed my five-year-old terrible tornadoes, Baruchah and Maggie holding little Michelle under the one partially held by my husband, Norman. Becky(4), was holding her sister, Cathy’s hand under another. Cathy’s other hand held Bernedet, the stuffed bear. Kim Em (5) held a corner of a tallit where Piper was under with friends. Even my baby sister, Janet, was holding Tamar and the baby under a Tallit. I thought she was still under the weather because of giving birth so I was surprised to see her.

The three children on me were still the same ones. They “helped” me make the post reading blessing.

Time went by, and although I kept my old memories, I also, received new ones. I now remembered I danced a waltz with Norman and laughed to the song, Tumbalalaika while understanding the words of the riddle and answer because I now also knew Hebrew, Yiddish, Ladino, Russian, Arabic and Aramaic, the languages of most our people throughout time. A change I now knew was true.

In the end, Norman and I helped gather our extended family onto the bema, and faced the ark as Norman led us in the blessing of thanksgiving.

Note: Simcha Torah marks the end of the Jewish holiday period that begins with Rosh Hashana. Simcha Torah has the final reading in the Torah and also the beginning. The title of the story is an English translation of Simcha Torah.

1. songs in Hebrew
2. song in Yiddish
3. Gen 48:16
4. Rebecca Ann Stewart, d May 2003. May her memory be for good.
5. Kim Em, d June, 2008 May her memory be for good.
Both Becky and Kim were loved.