Chapter 2: Questions

As my mother and I stepped through the door, the air felt thick with unspoken tension, and a tempest of emotions roiled within me. I found myself unable to suppress the torrent of questions that burst forth, each one more urgent than the last. “Mother,” I demanded, my voice trembling with both confusion and determination, “why is my body no longer the same? You’ve always told me I was a girl, and you chose a beautiful name for me that reflects that. I need you to explain what is happening!” My heart raced, each word punctuated by a deepening sense of betrayal that tightened like a vise around my chest, while tears pooled in my eyes, threatening to spill over as the weight of my reality threatened to crush me.

My mother exhaled slowly, a deep, shuddering breath that seemed to carry the weight of countless unspoken burdens. Her posture hunched forward, as if the sorrows of her past had finally settled upon her shoulders like an invisible shroud. "Lilith, there is something I have kept from you—something I had no choice but to conceal," she began, her voice steady yet laced with an undeniable heaviness, as though she were digging up a long-buried truth.

"You were not born as you are now," she continued, her gaze distant but intense. "You were born a boy. But had that been known, you would never have been allowed to train as a witch. Boys cannot be witches. That is simply the way of our world."

Her words hit me like shards of glass, fracturing the very foundation of my reality. My heart raced, each beat echoing in my ears like thunder, as I grappled with the dissonance between the life I had known and the shocking revelation she had just laid bare. "So my entire existence has been a lie?" I managed to choke out, my voice raw and trembling, my throat constricted with a mix of disbelief and anguish. "You changed everything about me—my name, my identity—just so I could become something I was never meant to be?"

The finality of her confession hung in the air, heavy and suffocating, as I searched her eyes for answers to questions that seemed to spiral endlessly in my mind.

She reached for me, her fingers trembling as they stretched across the widening chasm between us, a space thick with unspoken words and unresolved tension. "I did it to protect you," she insisted, her voice laced with desperation and urgency. "From the moment the Coven glimpsed your power, I knew you were destined for something far greater than this ordinary life. I couldn’t allow the weight of tradition to suffocate your potential. I gifted you the life you deserved—one that is rightfully yours. And now, after tonight's celestial alignment, even the Goddess herself has confirmed it."

I shook my head, a tempest of emotions swirling within me—rage, sorrow, and an unfamiliar ache that gnawed at my insides, yearning for release. "You don’t understand!" I exclaimed, my voice cracking under the strain. "This was never your choice to make. You crafted my fate with your own hands before I ever had the chance to grasp it."

"Lilith, you were always happier as a girl," she whispered gently, her voice like a soft breeze through the trees. "And now, the Goddess has aligned your body with your soul. You will finally experience puberty as you have always longed for. You will blossom into the woman you were destined to be."

The undeniable logic of her words wrapped around me like a warm, familiar cloak, yet it could not shield me from the truth. She had done what she believed was necessary, and in her eyes, she was right—I had cherished my time as a girl. I had immersed myself in the sacred arts, losing track of time in the moonlit glades and fragrant gardens, seeking solace among my sisters. My most treasured memories were not marked by uncertainty, but by a profound sense of belonging—moonlit rituals where the air shimmered with magic, whispered incantations that danced on the edge of the night, and the comforting warmth of hands clasped in unity, creating an unbreakable bond. Yet even amidst this clarity, the pain of deception lingered like a dark cloud overhead. It wasn't merely that she had carved my fate with her own hands; it was the deeper betrayal that she had never trusted me with the truth of my own existence.

Tears brimmed in my eyes, glistening like dew on a spring morning. "Why didn’t you tell me?" I asked, my voice trembling like a fragile leaf caught in a gust of wind. "I trusted you. I believed that everything you told me was real. And now I discover that you lied about the very core of my existence. It hurts, Mother."

She reached for me once more, her eyes shimmering with an urgent plea. "I longed to confide in you, my love, but how could I? Revealing the truth would have put everything we had at risk. And what would it have truly changed? You never questioned your identity because you lived in a state of joy. My only intention was to shield you, to ensure you could blossom into the person you were always destined to be."

Though her words resonated with a painful clarity, they did little to soothe the deep ache that hollowed my chest. I had never scrutinized my body, oblivious to the subtle ways in which I stood apart. I had naively believed that all girls were alike. As the Coven danced skyclad beneath the luminous full moon, intoxicated by the magic swirling around us, my attention had always been fixed on the ritual, on the vibrant energy coursing through my veins—not on the variations in our forms. Yet now, an acute awareness of those differences enveloped me, revealing a truth I had been blind to all along.

"Is there anything else you’ve kept from me, Mother?" I demanded, my voice steady now but laced with a simmering frustration that spoke of buried anger and confusion.

She inhaled deeply, her chest rising as she braced herself for the weight of truth. "Just to clarify—I never changed your name. That name was always meant for you. I only had the midwife alter your sex on your birth certificate. When I first laid eyes on you, I was consumed by terror. I didn’t know how to handle the moment. I held a beautiful baby boy in my arms—a boy who should have been a girl—and the thought of losing you was unbearable. Have you ever wondered why there are no men among us? No husbands, no sons? It’s because we can’t keep them. If I had revealed the truth to anyone, I would have been forced to give you up for adoption, and the idea of that horrified me. I couldn’t do that, Lilith. Please, forgive me. I was only trying to protect you."

The weight of her confession settled heavily upon my shoulders, like a dark cloud looming overhead, sinking deep into my very being. "Then... who is my father?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper, as silence enveloped us like a thick fog.

A flicker of something unreadable danced in her eyes, a fleeting emotion that seemed to hint at buried secrets, before she finally spoke. "I don’t know who he was. I’ve never been with a man. I conceived you through a sperm bank."

Her revelation turned my world upside down once again. The intricate layers of deception fell away like autumn leaves, exposing the raw truth beneath. The choices she had made, the sacrifices she had silently borne, suddenly aligned in a painful clarity. I could see now why she had cloaked herself in lies, why she had risked everything to keep me close, and why she had woven a new narrative for my life. In some inexplicable way, I felt a sense of gratitude wash over me—an overwhelming appreciation for the life I had, however complicated it was. The thought of an alternative existence, one severed from the mother who had nurtured me and the family that had enveloped me in love, sent a shiver through my soul.

Yet, even with this newfound understanding, a harsh sting remained. The weight of this knowledge pressed down on me like a heavy fog, and I felt a pang of sorrow for the life that could have been. It hurt to confront the reality that every moment of my existence hinged upon a pivotal decision she had made in the silence of that defining moment. Had she chosen differently, the path I walked could have led me into shadows, forever lost in an alternate reality where I was a stranger to my own story.

"But what about the others? The Coven?" I whispered, my voice barely rising above the soft murmur of the night wind. "What if they don’t accept me?"

She met my gaze with an unwavering certainty that pierced through my doubts. "They will. You are their sister. You are their leader now. No matter how your journey began, you were always destined to walk this path. That has never changed."

Her words were like a warm light in the shadows of my uncertainty, yet doubt continued to swirl in my mind like mist on a cool morning. My mother, with her powerful presence, had shaped the contours of my past, while the Goddess, in all her mystique, had woven the fabric of my future. And here I stood, caught in the delicate balance between the two, questioning if I had ever truly possessed a choice at all.

"Unfortunately, my daughter," she said with a hint of sorrow in her voice, "there is nothing you can do now that you have connected with your source. Tomorrow evening, we will convene a council meeting that will reveal to you and Fawn the full scope of what lies ahead." My mother’s tone was heavy with gravity, and I felt a chill run down my spine, knowing that change was on the horizon.

I hesitated, feeling the weight of unspoken truths hanging in the air, then looked at her intently. "Mom, what is your source? Every time the topic of sources arises, everyone seems to swiftly change the subject when it comes to you."

A flicker of hesitation crossed her face, a fleeting glimpse of something profound and concealed beneath her composed exterior. The atmosphere between us thickened, nearly crackling with tension as I awaited her answer.

"Lilith," she began, her voice steady but laced with an undertone of urgency, "the reason nobody discusses my source is simple: if word leaked to other covens, it could ignite turmoil beyond our control. My source is that of a demon shadow assassin. I am summoned in times of war, yet it’s also the reason I hold the position of Junior Elder. To mask my true nature and prevent any suspicion from falling on me or the coven during my service, the Elders stealthily suppress the full extent of my abilities. They ensure that most within the coven believe I wield only minimal magical power, unaware of the depths I harbor."