We were all in our senior year at university, and during my four years here I had become part of a group of eight—five guys and three girls. We ended up with a routine where we’d meet once a week at our Student Union, to just chat and socialize. It was a nice break in the week’s routine.

My major was Theatre Arts, minoring in makeup. Growing up I loved seeing how people could be transformed. All those horror movies where people got turned into monsters had always fascinated me, and I enjoyed learning how to create those looks. I could do more than monsters, of course. Aging was an important skill, especially in university productions, where most of us weren’t gray-haired and wrinkled. Some of the most interesting looks I worked on were to create someone who looked nothing like himself or herself. As I got into it I sometimes thought that was even more interesting than the prosthetics and all that which went into the monster looks.

Once I showed up at our weekly meeting having made myself up to look like Bruce, one of the five guys. That was a blast, as the rest of them were amazed at how close to his likeness I got. I even had his gestures and tics down. The group started to challenge me to come as various characters. Some of them were fun but not all of them were looks I was willing to try. For instance, I ruled out coming like a zombie or monster, but I did once come as the physics professor some of us had had, complete with bow tie and lab coat. I wasn’t there to draw attention, the way an alien or monster would have done.

Carefully documenting what I was doing, my professor was giving me credit for these transformations.

Everyone in our group got along pretty well, however I had an unrequited crush on Rebecca, Unfortunately she just never responded to anything I tried to do to warm things up between us. She was polite, yeah, but nothing beyond that. It took me a while to really get the hint, but I finally stopped trying. Of course I was still civil to her, but I never tried to make conversation just with her anymore.

-o0o-

At one of our meetings I came made up as an ex-student we had all known; a guy who had long, stringy hair and looked like he spent most of his time stoned. To me he looked like someone who had escaped from 1970, with an old, battered Army jacket, a wispy beard and granny glasses. They all congratulated me on capturing him so well. But then Dave said, “Lucas, I challenge you to show up as a woman. Wait! Not just a woman, but a hot woman!”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” I said. I had never done an opposite sex transformation before, and wasn’t sure I wanted to.

“Obviously it’s beyond even your skill set,” Ted said, trying to goad me into accepting.

“No, I could probably do it, but I’m not sure if I’m interested.”

Peggy and Ann were looking at me in a speculative way, perhaps imagining what I might look like as a woman. Rebecca never looked in my direction, which was the expected reaction. The two women started a sort of teasing dialogue, which I ignored. The guys were losing interest in the discussion.

-o0o-

The next couple of days I kept thinking about this challenge. It would be something very different for me, and would test my skills to the utmost. It could be interesting. In fact, if I had been smart I would have bet them I could do it. They’d be sorry when they lost all their money!

After weighing the pros and cons I finally decided to go ahead with it. As always I did a lot of research first. In this case I watched videos to get an idea of how to walk, talk, gesture, as well as observing female students during and between classes. There was so much to absorb. Just looking like a woman might end up being the easy part. Acting like one…phew! Did I have it in me?

The next get-together I didn’t say anything about my plans, and the others seem to have let it go, either having forgotten it as a joke, or assuming I would never try. Instead everyone was talking about next Friday, which was right before winter break, so there would be a holiday party of sorts. This might be a good thing for me, as I could dress more femininely than most of the girls who showed up on a regular basis. Maybe that would help me pass.

Some of the things I needed for this disguise I could make myself, like a gaff, and the feminine curves. For the clothes I went to a well-known thrift/consignment shop a few miles away. It was more likely to carry a festive party dress than the nearby Salvation Army thrift shop. Between the two shops I was able to get undergarments, a nice enough winter coat and hat, shoes, some jewelry, including a pair of good-looking magnetic earrings, and then some hose from Target. A borrowed wig from the theatre department and my makeup skills meant I had no trouble making myself look pretty feminine.

A lot of time was spent practicing walking, talking, movements and gestures, and I mean a lot. By Friday I felt had done as much as I could, and was ready as I could be in the allotted time. Creating this new, three-dimensional person made me feel different. I knew who she was, and I really felt like her after all that preparation. I named her Ellie Mills, the first name a sort of play on my initials. (Lucas Erickson) The last name was to honor the actor John Mills, whose work I had always admired. Before I left my apartment I took a smiling photo of myself. Then, taking a deep breath, I put on my coat and hat, picked up my purse and walked out the door.

-o0o-

When I walked into the Student Union it was much busier than usual, due to the party, and a lot of people stared at me. I don’t know if it’s because they’d never seen this woman before, or because of the way I was dressed, which was still way more dressy than pretty much any woman there. My coat was open but still on me, so they couldn’t see much, so I didn’t know why I was attracting attention.

Confidently walking over to the fire, I took off the coat and had a seat, not far from my group. After five or ten minutes during which time I felt they were discussing me, Bruce, who was always looking for a date, was the first to come over to talk.

“Hey, I’m Bruce. How’s it going?”

I smiled and answered, “It’s going fine. I’m Ellie.”

“Are you new here? I don’t recall seeing you before.”

“Just new to the Student Union, but I heard about the party and decided to come.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you did. Why don’t you join our little group over there? It’s too nice of an occasion to be here alone.”

“That’s very kind of you, thanks.”

We moved over to the group, and everyone there was checking me out, including Rebecca. Bruce introduced me as Ellie, and then they went around the circle telling me their names. Dave said, “There’s usually one more guy, Lucas, but he must be running late.” We all chitchatted for a while, mostly school talk. Rebecca continued to check me out, although subtly. Had I read her wrong all that time I had my crush? Did she only like girls, and that was why she treated me the way she did? For some reason that idea had never occurred to me, and I felt like an idiot. A sad, clueless idiot.

Mostly I just sat and listened to them talk. It may have been signals I was sending, but Bruce was kind enough to not hit on me. After about forty-five minutes the guys all got up to play some game, leaving the women and me. Peggy and Ann started to quiz me about myself, with Rebecca also throwing in an occasional query, and I had to make up a lot of answers. Part of my work creating this character was thinking up a backstory, but I hadn’t thought I would have to use it. I thought I’d show up, let them admire me and then expose myself as Lucas. But somehow it just didn’t feel right to do that, at least not yet. And especially since I was wasn’t all that sure I was interpreting Rebecca’s looks correctly.

Peggy and Ann got up to use the restroom. Rebecca looked at me again, and smiled. A genuine, warm smile. It made my heart flutter.

“Have you seen the rest of the building? There’re all kinds of interesting spaces.”

I shook my head no.

“When those two get back why don’t I show you around?”

Smiling, I said, “Sure, I’d like that.”

They soon returned and Rebecca told them she was going to show me around. We grabbed our purses and started off. Suddenly she was very chatty, talking about her courses and a bit about her family. Since she almost never talked to me most of it was new information, and I was genuinely attentive. I was feeling good just spending this time with her, and was feeling some real chemistry between us. I loved it, but didn’t know exactly what to make of it. We leisurely wended our way past offices, a bowling alley and a dark food court. She led me to a door and opened it to a small darkened meeting room. Reaching over she turned on a desk lamp rather than the overhead fluorescents, then closed the door. My nerves felt hypersensitive, and there was a real sense of anticipation.

She turned to look me in the eye. “Ellie, there’s something about you…”

I didn’t know where this was going. Did she know who I really was? But when she moved closer I felt my pulse quicken.

“You…do something to me,” she said, coming almost nose-to-nose. She took hold of my hand, and just that touch felt wonderful. “Can you feel it, Ellie?”

“I, I can,” I breathed, as we stared into each other’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please!” I answered.

There followed a sweet and gentle kiss, which set off all kinds of pleasurable reactions in me. When we broke the kiss I saw she was breathing faster too.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, especially a stranger I just met,” she said.

“Me neither. It feels magical, and as corny as that sounds, it’s true.”

We then held each other and kissed and kissed, and then just hugged. For me it felt simply amazing, as if I was seeing someone I was crazy about after being separated for years. For some reason I also liked that she was taking the lead. It felt like hours had passed, as we just stood there entwined. I never wanted it to end.

-o0o-

On the way back to the main lounge we stopped at the restroom to repair our faces. Rebecca wasn’t wearing makeup, but my lipstick was all over her. We were more relaxed now and had another nice, kind of giggly moment as I cleaned some of it off her face. Then we walked back hand-in-hand in a cloud of euphoria and sat together on the sofa. Peggy and Ann instantly noticed the hands, as well as the smiles on our faces.

“Have a nice, um, tour, you two?”

“Wonderful,” I said.

Rebecca just smiled.

Soon the guys returned. They were talking about the video game they had just played. Then Dave looked around and said, “Looks like Lucas is a no show after all.”

Now was the time, I guessed, although I hated to do it. I cleared my throat and spoke in my normal voice. “No, um, I’m here.”

They all looked thunderstruck, none more than Rebecca, who pulled her hand away from mine.

After a bit Dave recovered and started smiling. “Damn! You really did it! And wow! You did a really good job! I had no idea at all!”

“If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing well,” I quoted.

“Excuse me,” Rebecca said testily, and got up. She gave me a very cold glare, took her coat and stalked away, leaving me feeling… bereft. Did she think my feelings for her were an act? I’m not that good of an actor! That look of hers really hurt, especially after such a nice time with her.

The others were congratulating me and chatting excitedly about how wonderful my portrayal was, but I was having trouble paying attention.

Peggy and Ann noticed what had gone on between us, and understood Rebecca’s abrupt departure. Both were able to read the pained look on my face.

“Ellie, come with us a minute,” Peggy said. They led me away from the guys to a quiet corner, where we sat down together. I looked down at my hands.

“What’s going on?” Peggy asked.

“I…I don’t know. I think maybe Rebecca thinks I was having fun at her expense,” I said. “But we had a very nice moment together, and it was no act. I never meant to hurt her.”

“We know you had a crush on her.”

“Yeah, I did, but I gave up on that a couple years ago. She wouldn’t give me the time of day, but… tonight she seemed to almost fall in love with Ellie. Kind of makes me think she was just looking at the surface me before.” I looked up at them. “I didn’t do this with Rebecca in mind; I just did it because I thought it would be an interesting challenge.”

“Well, um, you did great! None of us knew it was you, and no one at all thought you weren’t exactly who you said you were,” Ann said. “You make a great woman!”

“Well, thank you, I guess. I would like to say I’m no worse off than before, except I think I am. Now not only is she not interested, she’s against me.”

“Oh, she’ll get over it,” Peggy said. “She has never struck me as a grudge holder.”

“I don’t know. I think I’ll go home. I’m not feeling in much of a party mood anymore.” After the high of the connection I had had with Rebecca now I almost felt like crying.

They looked at me sympathetically and each gave me a comforting hug. “We’ll walk with you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

As we walked in the cold it occurred to me that, though they knew who I was, they were treating me as the woman I portrayed. In my current mood that felt comforting.

When I got home I felt compelled to take another selfie, showing my unhappy face.

-o0o-

We had our winter break for three weeks, during which time I moped around. I just couldn’t help myself. I had felt sincere, strong feelings for Rebecca, and I’m positive she felt the same way. Of course now that I thought about it, I didn’t know where I thought I could go with those feelings, since I wasn’t Ellie, and that’s who she thought she was having feelings for. I don’t know what I had expected might happen. I guess I was just living in the moment, enjoying her attention and our mutual warm feelings, and should be content with that memory. But man! It felt so bad!

When term started in January I couldn’t bring myself to go to the weekly get-togethers. Seeing Rebecca look coldly down on me, or ignore me again was more than I thought I could bear. And she would be able to feel more comfortable without me there, not having to put any energy into ignoring me. I didn’t know it then, but she hadn’t been going either.

-o0o-

When I showed my theatre professor the documentation of my transformation into Ellie, she was impressed. She asked me about the evening, and I said that no one had known who I was, including my friends. I told her about creating the character and showed all the documentary photos. Accidentally I had included the post-party sad picture.

“Well now, Lucas, this one tells a story. Care to share?”

I thought about demurring, but why not tell her? I hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of. So I told her about how Rebecca had always been the opposite of interested in me, but that she had been very attracted to Ellie, that we had kissed and hugged and that I thought we both felt like we were falling in love, even though we had just met. And then how I wrecked it all by admitting who I was, so that she had gotten up and left, after glaring at me.

“That heartache is showing plainly on Ellie’s face in this picture, Lucas.”

Holding back a tear I said, “I suppose it is. Although I had once had a crush on her, it never felt anything like when she and Ellie spent that time together. That was…just magical. It really hurt when she turned away.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe some day she’ll realize Ellie is a part of you.”

I looked up. “A part of me? I was acting, Professor. Yes, my feelings were true, but I’m not Ellie.”

“Lucas, Ellie came from inside you. She is a part of who you are. Perhaps not a very active or normally visible part, but she’s in there, part of what makes you who you are.”

I looked down at my hands and didn’t say anything. That was a concept I would have to think about later.

“Well, you did an excellent job. I wish I could have seen your creation in action.”

That got a halfhearted smile out of me. “Thanks.”

-o0o-

This would be the third meeting I had missed. There was just no enthusiasm to go now. The guys texted to ask where I was and I just replied that I was working on something. I puttered around in my workshop room, considering various designs for an alien’s headpiece. Forehead ridges, like a Klingon? Or maybe some kind of horns?

I jumped when the buzzer indicated someone was at the door. Going over to the unlocker button, I pushed it and waited. I couldn’t imagine who it could be. All my friends were down at the Student Union, and I didn’t know many other people who even knew where I lived.

So you could have knocked me over with a feather when I opened the door and found Rebecca there, looking—was it…shy?? Once I got over my initial shock, I asked her to come in and have a seat.

“Wow. You’re the last person I ever expected to see here,” I said. “In fact, I’m not sure I ever thought I’d see you again.”

“Yeah… About that. I admit that I was a little angry once you admitted who you were. All kinds of thoughts went through my head, like you only did that to slip under my radar, and stuff like that.”

I started to speak, but she held up a hand.

“Peggy and Ann talked to me, and assured me that was never your motivation. They told me how broken up you were when I left.”

I nodded.

“By now you must realize my, um, interests don’t lie in the male direction. But I couldn’t get Ellie out of my head. She and I had an undeniable connection.”

I nodded again.

“But then I ran into the problem of her not really existing.”

There was a silence, which lasted long enough for me to venture a comment.

“My theatre prof said that she’s a part of me. At first I didn’t really believe her, or get what she meant, but she said that in order for me to create Ellie, she had to be inside me somewhere.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of what I ended up realizing. The problem is that when I look at you sitting there, all I see is Lucas. Intellectually I know you’re the same person, but where is that connection we shared? You just don’t turn me on the way she did.”

I cleared my throat and spoke rather huskily. “Then you’re not looking deep enough, Rebecca. She’s there, inside, and she really loves you.” Tears spilled over my lashes as I admitted that. “And she’s really hurting,” I choked out.

She did look at me then—really looked—deep into my eyes, and then past them, to Me. They widened slightly in realization, and she shook her head a little bit and looked again. She got up and crossed the room, sat down and slowly put her arms around me.

“I don’t know what just happened, but I can see you now, Ellie. You’re in there with Lucas.”

An odd thing happened then: I was me, Lucas, but I suddenly felt just as I had when I was all dressed up as Ellie, as if Ellie was taking over the driving and Lucas had hopped into the back seat. My professor was evidently right after all. I put my arms around her and lay my head on her shoulder. My body relaxed just from the contact.

After a few minutes I said, “You know that I did have a crush on you for a long time, Rebecca, but that felt nothing at all like what we experienced together. It was like the difference between…” no metaphors were coming to mind, darn it! “…oh, say a snapshot from a 1970 Instamatic camera and a beautiful print from a one-hundred megapixel Hasselblad.” There was a small silence. “Sorry, I suck at metaphors.”

“It’s okay; I understand,” she said, stroking my hair, “and I can definitely feel that connection again.”

We sat there in silence for some time enjoying each other’s comforting presence.

She asked, “Will I ever see Ellie again?”

“A return appearance, eh? I think she would be happy to show up for you.”

She smiled.

-o0o-

A month later two women entered the restaurant and were seated. Rebecca looked at her tablemate for a while and smiled. “I’m so happy you could join me for dinner, Ellie.”

“Lucas took the day off so I could have an evening out with you.”

“You’ll have to thank him for me. You look good.”

Ellie smiled. “And you look better.”

They joined hands across the table and quietly enjoyed each other’s company while awaiting the waitress’s arrival.

The End.