Talk Good

I wish I said this, I wish I said that
But I kinda froze in my tracks
I wish I said this, I wish I said that
But I kinda had a panic attack
I wish I could talk good

Life returned to normal—such as it was. Steve and Zach were expelled—much to the anger of their parents. Their dads threatened to kick ass, Steve and Zach’s. Tony talked with me at times, but I didn’t expect him to be at my beck and call. He hung out with his social circle, which I kind of wanted him to do. No one bothered me about the previous week and a few people who I never really knew volunteered to help me with my books as I fuddled with my crutches.

“I was able to convince my dad to let me drive his truck for Winterfest.”
Frank and I sat on the floor with our backs against our lockers.
“Good thing it’s not a manual transmission.”
“I could learn to drive a stick.”
Winterfest was the next day, and I could only imagine the crash course—literally—of Frank attempting to use the clutch,
“Oh, I’d love to see that,” I replied as I took a bite of a carrot stick.
“Shut-up,” Frank seethed,
“Where are you taking her for dinner?”
“I don’t know now. She’s saying we should eat at one of our houses.”
“There’s always Zip’s Hamburgers.”
“Yeah, we’ll celebrate the night with a bucket of fries.”
“As long as you don’t rub the grease on your shirt.”
Frank nodded as he looked down the hall and saw April walking in our direction. She was wearing jeans and a “this close to breaking the dress code” spaghetti strap top.
“I’m going to tell her the L-word, Jo.”
“Which one, languid? Lamentable? Lackadaisical?”
“Love, smart ass.”
“Of course,” I said as April waved at Frank. “Does she feel the feel the same?”
“Not sure, but I thought I’d make the first move,” Frank replied and scrambled to his feet to grab onto April’s hands.
“I brought you lunch today.”
He motioned for her to sit down next to him, and I had to wonder if it was leftover pizza, a burrito or a corndog, microwaved, of course.”
Frank opened a lunch bag and handed over a rather large submarine sandwich. April expected it but I couldn’t help but notice she gave me a side eye, probably for being there, imposing on her “man”. I knew I could take her down if I had to but decided to get up and allow them to be together.
“I’ll check you two later,” I said a I grabbed the bagged remains of my lunch and crutches.
“Where you are going, Jo?”
“Gotta to talk to Mrs. Balm about an assignment.”
“It’s lunchtime.”
“Enjoy your sandwich. Did you make it?”
“I did,” Frank replied as our eyes met. He was trying to read something in my face, but I gave back nothing back.
“Looks good,” I departed their company and swung through the hallway.

I knew how April would perceive it if I looked back at them. Of course, if she did, then it would be her own fault. Frank was my friend long before he ever met her, so it should not have mattered what she felt. I decided to turn around and look at them. Frank was talking to April, and she looked at me with daggers in her eyes. I wanted to go into a “bitch, you want to there?” staring contest but, instead I continued down the hall.

I stepped into Mrs. Balum’s empty classroom and sulked in a chair on the back row. I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did. Well, yes, I did. I finally admitted to myself I was in love with my best friend and there wasn’t a way to tell him without everything hitting the proverbial fan. April would freak out, causing Frank to do the same and no matter what I’d say, my one admission of admiration would destroy our history. It was to just let it go and stay happy the way things were.

“Sitting in a classroom during lunch?” Anthony’s voice broke my wandering thoughts.
“More comfortable to sit in a chair than the hallway floor.”
“I agree and one day we’ll never be able to sit against a locker without extreme backpain.”
I nodded.
“You feeling okay?”
“I’m good, thanks,” I replied with a slight smile.
“There it is, a smile. You need to show it a bit more.”
“Really?” And the smile melted off my face, replaced by an annoyed expression
“I meant, I hate to see you looking sad or in distress. Unless you’re not. Tell you what, I’ll leave you in peace.”
“No, you’re good, sit with me.”
Anthony took a few small steps and then sat on the desk in front of me, so we could look at each other.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I don’t think you’d want to hear about it.”
“Okay.”
I glanced down for a moment and then looked back to Anthony. “It’s nothing.”
“Hey, I can kind of speak the girl language and ‘nothing’ always means ‘something’. It’s all a mystery.”
“Something like that, yeah.”
Anthony looked to the floor for a few moments. “Do you sometimes feel lost?”
“Every day so far.”
“I know I shouldn’t have feelings like that. I have everything going for me, at least I want to think I do.”
“People want to be like you, Anthony.”
“The wrong crowd tries too hard to be like me. Fake friends, I have plenty of them.”
“I wouldn’t have realized. You’re popular.”
“I learned about popularity at my other school and didn’t want to be a part of it. I come back here, and it follows me.”
“I know how you can lose your popularity.”
“How?”
“If you’re seen hanging out with me for longer than a few seconds.”
“But, I--”
“Helping someone on these with their books doesn’t count. They see it as being nice.” I said as I lifted one of the crutches.
“What do you see it as?”
“That. You’re being nice?”
“Can I ask two questions? That one was the first.”
“Since you’ve already started; what’s your second question?”
“Will you go with me to Winterfest?” Anthony asked with a soul-piercing look in his eyes.
How to answer such a question? I didn’t want to go, but I also did not want to look back at my high school days and recall I never went to one, even though I had a phobia of dances, due to the person sitting in front of me.
“As two lost people who just want a night of being found by each other. That sounded better in my head.”
“Okay, Tony, but nothing fancy. I don’t want to go out anywhere before or after.”
“Will pictures be okay?”
I stared at him for a few seconds. “You’re serious?”
“Yes, even if we go wearing jeans and t-shirts. Hey, we could wear the same colors.”
“I don’t know…I have a dress I might, might, want to wear.”
“Let me know either way.”
“I will.”

The bell chime sounded off, ending the lunch period.

“I feel a bit found now.”
I nodded as he jumped from the top of the desk, grabbed a crutch from off the floor and handed it to me.
“Can I help you out again, Jo?”
“You may,” I replied as we walked out of the classroom together and out into the hallway. I looked at the eyes that were staring at us. Things would be cool if I could keep my mind from going down multiple rabbit holes. If I just avoided looking at him then I wouldn’t have to feel anything.
“Would a polo shirt be okay or a dress shirt and tie? What color is the dress?”
“Dress?” I asked as Anthon’s voice once again derailed my train of thought.
“Yeah, I can try to match it to a tie”
“It’s green.”
“Emerald, light, dark, turquoise?”
I shrugged my shoulders the best I could as I balanced on the crutches. “Anthony, there’s one issue with going on Saturday.”
“What’s that?”
“I can’t dance with these.”
“No one knows how to dance at these things, so we’ll fit in.”
“Hey, Joanna!” Frank waved at me with an expression I had seen a few times when somebody or something had ticked him off.
“Hey Frank,” I then turned to Anthony. “Can you help me with my books? I have a few too many to take for my next class.”
“Sure.”
Frank’s facial expression adjusted to a slight smile as April walked up from behind him. The four of us stood in silence for a moment with Anthony breaking the silence. “I can go home right afterschool and bring a few for you to peruse. Bow, Windsor, or clip-on?”
“I’ll have to look at them.”
“Ties?” Frank asked.
“Yes,” I replied as I took a deep breath. “We’re going to Winterfest.”
“We? You and Tony?”
Tony nodded as I handed him my backpack and dropped a over-sized binder, a notebook and a ridiculously sized Biology book.
“Perhaps we can do a double date kind of thing?” Frank asked.
“Thank you, but we’re not going to impose on your night, Frank,” I replied as I could see April’s face contort and eyes bulge for a split second. It was the “Vampire expression”: invisible to guys but girls could see it a mile away and it meant death would follow the foolish mortal man who continued down the path.
“That’s cool,” Frank replied.
“We need to wait a few minutes afterschool, okay?”
“Okay,” Frank replied as April led him away. “See you later, April.”
Anthony hoisted up my backpack onto his shoulder. “She doesn’t like one of us.”
“It’s me.”
“Why?”
“It’s too easy to call her a bitch but, yeah we’ll just leave it at that.”
“She’s looking back at us.”
I closed my locker door and sighed. “It’s like she thinks I’m after Frank. I’m not. Yes, he’s a friend. Yes, I care about him but I’m not about to get in their way or anything. It’s a nothing situation for me.”
“Sounds like something,” Anthony replied as we locked eyes.