*FYI, this is Chapter 3 of 3 that'll be shared here on BC!*

CHAPTER THREE

Several years ago during my high school graduation ceremony I heard the term ‘imposter syndrome’ for the very first time. Notably, the term came from several student speakers, each touching on how they, despite achieving and earning their successes, felt as if they don’t deserve those successes. Sure, those kids were referring to getting into a good college, but as I wake up, shower, and get dressed this morning, I’m feeling much the same.

No, it wasn’t my fault that things went south at my old job. I did nothing wrong and I was working for an objectively nit-picky asshole. But still, much of me believes I should ‘pay’ for leaving my job early — to suffer, at least somewhat, in this phase of jobless wandering.

And yet, here I am, with the quickest job turnaround known to man! Not even a full week had gone by and I’d been blessed with another gig that uses my skill set, and just when I needed it most. So of course I feel like an imposter. Of course I feel unworthy of this opportunity. The good fortune of my sister winning two free haircuts somehow landed me a job through the holidays. Not because of anything I did, but because ‘The Job Gods’ were looking down on me. Frankly, I’m not sure whether to feel guilty or grateful.

Despite Tim’s lack of instructions, I figured it couldn’t hurt to bring a few tools with me for my first day. After all, if the sad, disorganized Lily’s Touch toolbox was just barely enough to fix that one part of Kylie’s chair, I can’t imagine there’s enough equipment for the other issues Bella alluded to.

The only thing I truly knew about today was that it’d be hectic. Hectic and disorganized. But being paid to fix problems might be the best thing for me right now.

========

I wasn’t sure who to hope I’d see first at the salon. As much as I got the butterflies from spending that little time with Bella, a small part of me feared that her kindness started and ended with my haircut. Returning now as a coworker — and her brother’s hiring decision, not her own — could easily breed resentment. Tim, on the other hand, seemed somewhat erratic in his demeanor and decision making. What if he’d changed his mind overnight? What if I was just an impulse hire?

Alas, Bella was the one waiting at the front desk when I walked in at 8 A.M. and luckily, welcomed me with a smile.

“There he is!” Bella announced, hustling around the desk and greeting me with a big bear hug.

“Heh heh, yeah, hey!” I managed to mutter through her tight squeeze.

The salon was quiet, being a whole hour before opening. Only a couple employees were even in yet — mostly stylists getting a head start on cleaning their stations or charging their devices.

“So I fully intend on giving you a proper tour,” she explained. “But Tim wants to meet with you before jumping into anything.”

And so I followed Bella to the back room of the first floor, past the washing stations and the row of styling chairs I’d become somewhat familiar with yesterday.

“Take a seat,” she said, holding open the door to the bland, lifeless office. And sure enough, there was Tim, seated behind an equally bland desk with his feet kicked up.

“Alex! Welcome, welcome. Thanks for coming,” he said, though failing to rise from his seat. “I was a little afraid you wouldn’t show up.”

I plopped my butt in an ugly green chair next to Bella. “And why is that?”

“Well for one, I realized I gave you almost no details. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers, right?”

Tim laughed — not cruelly, but I found it a bit offensive making light of my joblessness. I set my personal feelings aside and gestured to the toolbox I’d been carrying. “I brought in a few more tools your box didn’t have. Just show me around and I’ll start fixing what I can. Though I may need to take some trips to the stor—”

He lurched for a second, shooting Bella a quick glance and then looking back my way. “Yes… That’ll be great, but it’s not everything we had in mind for you.”

I blinked once. Then twice. “There’s more? Sorry, I’m not following…”

Bella finally jumped in. “You wanna explain or should I?”

Tim held up his hand, dismissing her. “No no, I got it. So look, looong story short, Lily’s Touch was a salon owned and operated by our mother, Lily. However, she, let’s say…”

“She died of a heart attack. Last year,” Bella said bluntly, clearly displeased with her brother’s loquaciousness.

“Oh my god. I… I’m so sorry, guys…”

“It’s alright, but thank you,” Tim assured. “What’s important is that she left the salon for Bella and I to run together. It’s been going… fine. Besides being a stylist, Bella handles most of the staffing and booking, while yours truly handles the business side and the most important picture decisions.”

While the history lesson was nice — and certainly colored my two bosses’ personalities — I still was unsure what this had to do with me.

“So do I report to both of you, or…”

“My sister and I have differing views,” Tim continued, ignoring my question. “I personally have much more of a growth mentality while she prefers a steady ship. But respecting our mother’s wishes of a shared venture, I decided to compromise. And you, Alex, are our solution.”

“…Me?” I clarified, met with Tim’s ultra-serious eyes.

“You’ll be satisfying both of our needs. Bella wanted for an extra set of hands, and so I obliged. On the weekdays, yes, you’ll be doing maintenance work and clean-up. Sweeping hair, fixing sinks, chairs, and maybe some light carpentry.”

“Okay…” I muttered. “And the other half?”

“The moment I saw you fixing the chair, unafraid to get your hands dirty, a question occurred to me. Why on Earth don’t we have more men here? This whole fucking place is women! And listen, I’m not a rough-and-tough guy myself, but I think men of your ilk could really benefit from masculine-focused self-care services. Not to mention doubling our clientele.”

I nodded along, not necessarily disagreeing.

“And so that is my desire for you! To be an ambassador for Lily’s Touch. A hand to reach out for all the dudes out there, to get ‘em in here and show that, yes, you can treat yourself to a facial or a massage or a beard trim.”

Bella had little reaction to Tim’s speech, as I assume she’d heard it before, but she appeared to be on board.

“Of course, the details are still a little fuzzy but I’ll iron things out as we go. For now, in between your duties, Bella will be walking you through some of our services so you, as a man, can be equipped to translate.” Tim leaned back into his chair and kicked his feet back up. “How does that all sound?”

Again, I glanced over to Bella. The whole proposal was certainly more than I’d expected. I mean, what the hell do I know about self-care? As Grace says all the time, I barely even brush my own hair. The maintenance and physical labor aspects all checked out, but this whole ‘ambassador’ side felt like a lot.

“I don’t know…” I confessed gloomily.

“We’d get to spend a lot of time together, and it’ll be a great way to meet the staff,” Bella explained. “I promise, I know my shit and you will not be left high and dry.”

The prospect of spending time with Bella and maybe even being introduced to some of the other cute staffers was intriguing. Hell, more than intriguing. I thought it over for a few more moments, running scenarios through my head and weighing whether a career pivot like this — even if just for the holidays — could ever be pulled off.

“You know what? Yes,” I eventually said. “I’m a lifelong learner and I like a good challenge. I’ll do it.”

Tim emphatically reached across the table to shake my hand — the first genuine show of enthusiasm I’d seen from him yet.

All I can hope is that at this point, the twists and surprises stop in favor of some nice, steady personal and career growth. If all goes to plan, this could usher in a new era of Alex.

========

In most ways, at 22, I’m completely grown up. Recent hiccups aside, I’ve been fully employed since graduation, I rent my own one-bedroom apartment on the north side of Kankakee, and I’m financially independent. My sister is too. She’s employed, a renter with a steady income, and even starting to date somewhat regularly for the first time in her life. To the outside observer, we’re two successful siblings. But to my mother? That’s a different story. And we’re reminded of that fact every month when we go over to Mom’s for dinner.

I say ‘Mom’s’ and not ‘our parents’’ because, for the last 10 or so years, our dad has been out of our lives. He cheated on our mother with some girl in her 20s, got caught and kicked out with a divorce soon after. Tale as old as time, right? Unfortunately the whole affair turned my mother into a far more cynical and skeptical person than she was probably meant to be. She’s not a bad woman, but it's safe to say being around her has, well… lost its charm.

And yet, once a month Grace and I swallow our pride and let Mom host a family dinner. Maybe it’s because we still pity her from the situation with Dad, or we’re just guilty that she still lives alone. Regardless, the dinner always turns into the same thing: Mom getting on our case about god-knows-what and someone’s feelings getting hurt. At this point it’s unavoidable.

One might think with my fortunate new job situation that I’d be relieved and ready to gloat, and if it were a straight-up maintenance role, maybe I would. But the wildcard ‘salon ambassador’ position gave me considerable pause. There’s not a chance in hell Mom would support that kind of work. Frankly, I had enough trouble garnering her support elsewhere in my life.

On the drive over I came to the ultimate conclusion that the new job would be kept entirely secret. Not just from Mom, but Grace too (at least for the ambassador stuff), until I had a firm grasp of what I’d actually be doing.

With a plan in place, I mustered the courage to leave my car just as I saw Grace pull up in hers. Though through the blurry windshield across the street, I noticed something off. Someone with Grace.

“No way…” I muttered to myself.

“Guess who’s here?” Grace yelled from across the street, gesturing to the woman getting out of the car. “Making her grand debut…”

But I didn’t need her showmanship. I knew who that was. It was Tamara — her latest fling.

“Alex, come here. I want you to meet Tamara, my girlfriend,” Grace said excitedly, introducing me to the woman beside her. Tamara confidently shook my hand as I hid my emotions the best I could.

“Pleasure to meet you,” the tall, late-thirties woman said kindly. “Grace has told me so much about you.”

“Likewise,” I replied dully, not sure what else to say. “So…”

“Run ahead to the door, Tamara,” Grace instructed. “Give us a second.”

I waited for Tamara to be out of earshot before wiping the fake smile off my face. “What the hell are you doing??”

“What? I’m just bringing my girlfriend to family dinner,” Grace answered coyly. “Can a girl not do that?”

I slapped my forehead. “This’ll only piss off Mom! I can’t imagine you gave her a heads up.”

Grace confidently shook her head. “Nope! She’s just gonna have to deal with it. We’ve been seeing each other for 2 months now, and I feel like it’s time she met the family.”

As happy as I was for my sister, knowing her, this felt like more of a stunt than anything else. Grace has historically butted heads with our mom, and neither being one to back down from a fight, I foresee this ending only in disaster.

“Well I hope you know what you’re doing. Maybe being so close to the holidays Mom’ll take it a little better.”

“Doubt it,” Grace answered. “You know, a lot of this is thanks to you. Hearing you quit a job and boldly accept a new one? I dunno, you kinda lit a fire under my ass to be a bit more of a rebel too and to stop giving a fuck.” Grace patted me on the back and walked ahead to join Tamara. “Thanks for that.”

I stood there, bewildered and a little afraid of what’s to come. No, I was not happy that Grace thought to introduce even more chaos in my life at a time like this. But in a roundabout way, this Tamara thing might work in my favor. My sister’s 10-year age-gap girlfriend of two months might serve as the perfect distraction from my own bubbling secrets.

========

“So that’s how we met! And we’ve been very happy ever since,” Grace said, raising her cocktail into the air and leaning over to kiss Tamara on the nose.

Mom, seated in her usual head-of-the-table position, faked a smile out of politeness. “A lovely story… And ‘ever since’ meaning a whole two months! Just, wow…”

Also as usual, Mom’s bone-dry sarcasm.

She fiddled with her hair to fill the silence. The short, tight red curls on her head complimented her pinched, pointy features – only accentuated by her clear and obvious displeasure with the situation.

“I’m terribly sorry, Tamara, that we barely had enough food for you. If only Grace had given me a heads up, I could’ve fed you properly.”

“Well worth it to meet another member of the family, right?” Grace said, giddy, but reading more like an intentional dig.

Mom grimaced. “Yes… family…” She turned to me. “And you’re sure no surprise guests from you tonight, Alex?”

I shook my head, but wished instead I could bury it in the sand. “Not tonight, no.”

The person I felt the worst for was Tamara who even compared to Mom looked uncomfortable. I can’t imagine what Grace told her to expect tonight but evidenced by her strained grin, it certainly wasn’t this.

We pushed through another 20 minutes of awkward conversation before Tamara appeared she couldn’t take it anymore and politely made up an excuse to leave. Grace attempted to protest, but Mom happily allowed it. Not looking to stick around for the aftermath of her bomb drop, as well as being her ride, Grace agreed to leave with her.

“So sad you couldn’t stay…” Mom said to the girls. “Should I be expecting a Thanksgiving drop-by as well, or…”

“Heh, well… Maybe!” Tamara answered, forcing another smile as she quickly put on her coat.

“Bye Mom!” Grace cheered as she was practically yanked outside by her girlfriend, the door slamming behind them.

With the girls gone and the house quiet, Mom calmly walked up to the door and locked it. “Enough of that mess.”

While I feared the worst, I strangely never got the explosion of fury I expected after my sister’s stunt. I stuck around a little longer to help my mom clean up and do the dishes. Some sarcastic, snippy remarks, sure. But she seemed to not be too upset. Or maybe she was just off tonight.

Not wishing to poke the bear any further, I didn’t speak unless spoken to as we cleaned up and washed dishes in near-silence. No discussion of either of our lives, our jobs, or even of Grace.

Once I felt my son-duty was fulfilled, I too made up an excuse to leave. Not that I needed one. As far as Mom knew, I still had a shift at Samford’s in the morning. But not a question was asked nor an accusation made.

I didn’t receive a hug on my way out. That was never really her, or my, style. Just a simple nod would usually do as I slipped on my boots and wrapped up in my coat for the chilly drive home.

“Well, goodnight,” I said without eye contact. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Mmhmm,” Mom answered stoically. “I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.”

“Yep.”

I reached for the door handle but was suddenly stopped by Mom.

“Wait, Alex.”

I turned around, bracing for impact.

“Thank you for coming. It means a lot that you stick around.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. No problem.”

Then Mom took a step forward and calmly placed her hand on my shoulder. “And thank you for never pulling shit like that on me. It’s nice to have one honest child.”

My skin started feeling hot, but I must’ve looked okay because Mom was unfazed.

“Sure. Happy to,” was all I said.

“Say hi to Mike for me. Goodnight.”

I stepped outside into the cold night as Mom shut the front door behind me. But unlike with my sister, I didn’t hear the deadbolt lock — comforting for now, but harrowing for my future should any truth come to light.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the feedback, support, and helping propel the book to #1 in the genre on Amazon for over two weeks and counting!!

Unfortunately that's it for the sample chapters, but Maybe You'll Like It is available in its entirety on Amazon right now!

Thanks all :)

-Jennifer

AMAZON LINK: https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Youll-Like-Gradual-Feminization...