Author's note: Here it is, my first story here, originally started as a New Year's Contest entry, but as the story played out, I felt I'd be truncating it too much to get it to 5,000 words. Thanks for the encouragement and inspiration, getting me to move from reader to writer!

'Til You Make It
By Marissa Lynn

September 17
"Dammit! I can feel it right there, but, crap. Something's not right. I'm not right."

"Brian, look. Just take a break. You can get this. I keep telling you you're good. I'm not just blowing smoke up your- crap!," Nathan frustratedly realized mayo dripped from his sandwich onto his blue polo shirt while animatedly encouraging his friend. "Why'd I even buy this thing? It looks terrible on me?" he thought.

"It's just, I could really use this. It would be a huge break for me," Brian said.

"I know, I know. Look, this guy doesn't know what he's doing, either."

"No, you're doing fine, really," Brian said.

"Not me, I'm not the guy. This guy," Nathan said, pointing to the script pages. "I write, remember. It seems like this Colin doesn't know what he's doing. He's close enough to it that he feels like he does, but he's not there yet. And he knows it."

"So, he's covering it up. False bravado."

"More faking it 'til he makes it, but, yeah, you're in the ballpark."

"Dude! You're a lifesaver! That's it. I needed to pull back on him. Give me five minutes to look this over again, but then read it again with me?"

"Sure, sure. Glad to help you out, man," Nathan said with a smile that Brian returned, saying, "You're the best."

"I'm not, really," Nathan, adjusting his browline glasses, thought to himself. "But, you know, fake it 'til you make it, right?"

As Brian reread the script pages, he began to feel a growing confidence that he could nail the audition. An A24 movie. He might have a shot at this, thanks to Nathan.

"Always there for me and kinda attractive, dammit. You and Nathan couldn't, because you can't- stop it Brian. The script," his mind told him as he shoved those thoughts went back of his head, focusing on the character he wanted to play instead of the man he couldn't be.

December 31
"That really paid off. I have a real chance at this," Brian said, looking back to that day which led to the good audition and that callback last month that went just as well. "Nathan just gets me. We've known each other for a while, but even early on, it felt like we grew up together."

"Seems like a nice guy. He single?" Emma joked, knowing Nathan and his roommate, Jessica, the tall blonde, from their visits here to The Westby, a bar around the corner from Brian's apartment, as she got his beer.

"Last time I checked," he quipped.

"He cute?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," he said, trailing off the last word.

Emma looked at him with what could only be described as an empathetic smirk.

"What?" Brian asked.

Emma handed over the beer, "Look. I don't want to speak out of turn here, b-"

"But it's part of your charm," Brian said, returning the smirk.

"Touché," she replied. "But look, he's been a really nice guy every time he's been here. He's certainly attractive enough and he seems to like you. That's not a bad thing."

"No, but how would you know? He's never said anything to me," Brian said, his own brain telling him, "You've never said anything to Nate, either."

"Look, I can't do everything," Emma said, looking at him seriously in the quiet, pre-rush bar. "If I were a better actor, I'd be in your spot, but I'm really good at making drinks and I'm really good at reading people. And I'm telling you, that man's in love with you. The way he talks when you're not in the room, he sounds like me when I had a crush on Mike Lowenstein in high school."

"But did you do anything about it?"

"I did eventually and we dated for a while, but it didn't work out."

"And why's that?"

"Because he had an eye for Allison Gaffney in AP History, that's why. It's just as well, though. I dated his sister Claire in college. Much better deal all the way around."

Brian chuckled, saying, "Well, as long as it all worked out." He sipped at his beer before adding, "I just. I don't think that I can be the man he wants, you know?"

Emma wiped the bar clean. Setting the towel down, she put her hand reassuringly on his left arm.

"Look, whatever's inside your head right now, you're a good person. So's he. And from talking to him and seeing your face now, it's clear you both like each other. Whether you do something about it, that's up to you. You have to be comfortable with yourself enough to do it. But trust me, Brian Helton, no matter what, you could be what he'd love you to be."

"Maybe. Maybe you're right," Brian said, not fully believing it, but still, there was that glimmer of hope in there, that maybe that door could open.

"Not a bad idea for the New Year," he thought to himself. "Maybe trust yourself, trust him. Maybe Nate could love you for who you are, or at least until you get yourself there. Fake it 'til you make it."

Brian finished his beer, giving an extra tip for it since, technically, the place wasn't open for another 15 minutes. As he got up to leave, he said, "By the way, I know you're single and I know enough to know Jess might be your type. And she's single and queer." Upon seeing her surprised expression at the last part, he said, "Guess you don't know everything."

She flipped him off as they both laughed, wishing each other a happy new year. Brian stepped outside to walk to his apartment to get ready. He and Nate were going to hang out since neither one of them had any place else to be.

Meanwhile, Nathan was sitting in his living room, headphones on, playing Supertramp's Breakfast in America, odd juxtaposition for finishing a freelance piece about some upcoming hyperpop band, Nora Neon, for the local alternative weekly. It wasn't ideal, but his writing skills and flexibility kept enough money coming in between the articles, the transcription and bio work and even the occasional TV script co-write. Sure, a steady gig would be better, maybe even get the time to finish one of the screenplay ideas he'd started. But lately? It's been busy time.

Nathan had a tendency to zero in, especially when this close to getting an article finished. So there was a state of complete unawareness that Jess was trying to get Nathan's attention. He looked up and saw her mouthing, "Hey! Hey!" and gesturing.

Hitting the mute button and sliding the headphones up, Nathan looked at her as she said, "Welcome back to Earth."

"Sorry, I've almost got this finished and I want to get it sent to Jamal before I get myself ready to head over to Brian's."

"You know, you're still welcome to come with me to Gina's. Bring him over, you two would be welcome there."

Nathan's brain wasn't so engrossed in finishing work that he didn't catch that last part. "You two?"
"You know what I mean, although, now that you mention it."

Nathan rolled his eyes, saying, "Don't start, Jess."

"Look, I know he's a good friend, but you and I both know you wish it were more than that," she said."And I don't know for sure, but it really seems like he'd be up for it. I mean, how long has it been since he dated anyone? A year since, what was her name?"

"Holly, she was on the crew of that cable comedy, god, the one about the talent agency? 'Wanted', was it?"

"Yeah, her. She kinda sucked, not as bad as the show did. Not that it was Brian's fault."

"No, he was great. I wish he'd get to do comedy more," Nathan said.

Jess, looking like a sparkly '90s alternarock chick, even the choker looked glittery, grabbed her coat and sat down. "I can see that look. I know that look," she thought.

"I know you mean well, Jess, but it couldn't work out for, you know, reasons. I just want to finish this and head over to Brian's and chill. I just want to end this year relaxed and not overthinking, not thinking about anything really."

A sad look came across Jess' face, but she didn't push the topic. Switching gears, she asked, "I hesitate to ask, but you're wearing that?," gesturing at the infernal polo shirt/jeans combo. "I mean, you do have nicer things than that in your closet."

"I don't have the time. By the time I finish this," Nathan said gesturing at the laptop."I'll be easier to just head over there as I am right now."

"As you are? Okay, fine," Jess said, checking her phone. "Look, my ride's going to be here soon, so I need to head outside. I hope you have a good time. If you change your mind, just text me, okay?"

"And seriously," she said, looking intently at Nathan, "Maybe give Brian some credit. And give yourself some, too. Love ya'. Happy New Year." Giving him a peck on the cheek, she headed outside.

Slipping the headphones back on, Nathan went back to his writing, a bit on autopilot as Jess' words echoed in his head.

Maybe he should give Brian some credit."Give myself credit? I'm trying. I'm trying," Nathan thought.

It turned out that Nathan's piece on Nora Neon didn't need much more to finish and he got to Brian's on time.
"Hey, dude. I've got just about everything set up, even something for the midnight toast," Brian said as he opened his refrigerator, peering inside and looking to take something out. "All I need to do is do a little more work on the -crap, I thought I had the cheese I needed, but it's not here. Dammit."

Brian closed the fridge door, looking Nathan's way. "I gotta go to the market. Be back in a few," he said, jogging towards the door.

"He's always got it together," Nathan thought to himself. "Well, almost always. You know, maybe I need to be that, or something like that. Give myself some credit. New Year's Resolution: Be my best self. Fake it 'til I make it. I can do this, right?"

The television was a distraction until Nathan felt the warmth of the room, the sound fading as he started to doze in the recliner.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!"

The sounds of the slammed door and Brian's expletives woke Nathan, who looked to see Brian with slush and muck all over him.

"What the hell happened?"

"I was by the park. Some jerk on an E-bike wasn't watching where he was going. Damn near hit me. I tried to get out of the way and slipped into a pile of snow. Then, right after I get up to get off the street, I slip on some mud and landed right in it. Dammit."

"I'm sorry, man. Here, let me take that bag with the cheese, so you can clean up," Nathan said, heading for the kitchen.

"Thanks, dude. I'm going to have this jacket dry cleaned now and, ugh. Not going to let that guy ruin my night."

"Good. I'm just glad you're okay. I'd hate for something bad to happen to you. That would suck. Seriously," Nathan said.

"No kidding, Sherlock," Brian teased, taking off his sweater.

"I'm serious, I just, never mind. I'll start getting stuff on the table. Get yourself cleaned up," Nathan said.

As Brian took a quick shower, his thoughts honed in on Nathan's expression when he said that. He hadn't had someone give him that look since college, since Haley. Another theater major. Haley Nielsen. The perfect girl or close enough to it, but then they drifted and she moved to L.A. to pursue her career there and he stayed here and that was it.Things happen and it was for the best. He couldn't have been the guy for her long-term anyway.

"But is Emma right? I mean, I could be misreading that look," Brian thought as he was pelted with the hot water. "But damn, I know that one well. And is it me, or is he looking softer, cuter and, stop it, Brian."
He shut off the hot water first, just long enough for the cold water to hit him for a few seconds.

Meanwhile, Nathan kept telling himself it was nothing major, that Brian wasn't injured, that it was just dirty clothes. But even for a flicker, that thought really hit him.

"I couldn't take Brian not being in my life. I mean losing a friend, but, no, Jess was right. It's deeper than that. But how can I tell him? It would just mess everything up. It's just a stupid fantasy on my part anyway. There's no way he'd," Nathan's thoughts interrupted by the realization of tears running down. "Grab a napkin. Don't let him see you like this. Get it together N-"

"And we're back," Brian said as he returned to the living room, using the mock announcer voice he still had from his improv classes.

"Ha! And exceedingly well-dressed I see. Guess ZZ Top was right. 'Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man,'" Nathan teased.

"Smartass," Brian replied. "We're not going out anyway, so what's wrong with a NYU t-shirt and sweatpants?"

"Not a thing, Mr. Met Gala. Here's your plate," Nathan said, handing him some of the assortment of meat, cheese and fruit.

Nathan grabbed a plate and the two started talking. Brian was expecting to hear if he got the part in the next week. Nathan had a couple of assignments ahead, a story about a new vegan doughnut shop and a bio for an Americana band out of Iowa.

They fell into a conversational rhythm like they so often did. So easy, even ignoring the growing elephant in the room as they did it.

Then Brian said, "You know something, though? I'd love to act in something that you wrote."
"But I don't have anything. You know that," Nathan replied. "I have ideas written down. I've started some things, but I just don't have the time, especially lately. I've had a lot on my plate."

"True, but is it also possible that you're a little afraid of it? I read the stuff you wrote in college, like that play about the family in Nebraska, remember? It was good."

"Afraid, what the hell, Brian? I like what I do. Sure, I'd love to be able to write a movie, but I can't spend time pining for some fantasy."

"It doesn't have to be," Brian said. "Look, I've been so in my own head this last year with things picking up. And you've helped me so much with that. I know I've got this shoot, but after that, maybe it's time I returned the favor. I could brainstorm with you. Do some errand stuff or whatever when I'm around."

"That's sweet of you, but I couldn't ask you to-"

"You didn't ask. I'm offering. It's the least I can do. You're a good friend. No, a great friend. You deserve good things."

Nathan blushed. The silence in the room suddenly felt as deafening as the music on the headphones earlier. No, louder than that.

"Is it me, or has the vibe in the room changed?" Nathan asked.

Telling himself not to overthink something for once in his life, Brian said, "Maybe? Look. (Deep breath, you've got this, Brian) Nate, you've been there for me, as a friend, but you've been there for me more than anyone ever has, outside of my family. Not even any of my girlfriends."

Nathan sat in stunned silence at where this was going.

Brian continued, "Look, this is so hard. I kept telling myself that I can't, that I shouldn't. But, dammit, Nate. I love you. Not just as a friend, but-"

"What are you saying? Are you actually telling me-"

"Yes. Nate. I love you. Like, I want us to be there for each other, not just for reading scripts and stuff like that, but, God, I don't know, everything."

Nathan was stunned. "All this time, this was supposed to be a one-way street. But Brian's barreling from the other way and he likes me. He actually, no, this can't be real. He's drunk, no, wait, we haven't been drinking alcohol. This is happening," Nathan thought.

"Well say something, Nate. I just spilled my guts here. I've never had feelings for someone like you. Say something. Please?"

"I-i-i. I don't know what to say. Brian."

The words stopped, but Nathan's expression kept them going. Brian could see he wasn't alone in this. He put his hand up to Nathan's face, wiped away a tear, then came closer. He started to kiss Nathan, who responded in kind. All that pent-up emotion, all these months, the valve open, finally rele-

"Wait,no. Stop," Nathan said, pulling away. "This is wrong. I can't."

"What? I thought. I mean, you kissed me ba-"

"No, I can't. We can't. Sorry, Brian. I-I've gotta go. Sorry, sorry," Nathan said, grabbing a coat and sprinting out the door.

"Wait, no. Nate. Can't we talk about this? Nate, please stay. Nate!"

Brian started to chase after Nate, down the hall, but Nate had a head start. Then he realized he was in a T-shirt, sweatpants and no shoes. He slowly turned back to his apartment, practically zombie walked to his bed, sat down, put his head in his hands and started crying. All he could say to himself was, "You blew it. You were right. You shouldn't try to be the guy. You idiot. You blew it. Happy Effing New Year."

By the time Jess got home, she could hear the cries and curses through Nathan's bedroom door.

"Hey, did something happen? Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

"I screwed everything up. He kissed me and I screwed everything up," Nathan got out through choked out sobs.

"Oh, dear. How could you sc-"

"He told me he loved me. Then he kissed me and I kissed him back, but then I f-f-f-reeaked out and I ran and I don't know how, but I wound up back here and-"

Nathan dissolved into wordless crying as Jess just held on. "Just let it out. You'll be okay."

"I really hope so. God, I hope so," Jess thought.

January 1

Brian had finally fallen asleep, but only fitfully. He just kept replaying it over and over. He'd clearly misread Nathan. Or had he? He knew Nathan well enough to know that he- or maybe he didn't know. Or maybe Nathan has something else going on. Maybe he wasn't ready. Damn.

Nathan, meanwhile, finally calmed down enough to sleep. The butt ugly polo and jeans were dropped to the side. Whatever time it was, it was time for bed and they both crashed into a deep, long sleep in their respective bedrooms.

Around 6:30 that night, the sound of a buzzing cell phone rousted Brian from his self-flagellation. It was his agent.

He answered, "Phil, what's up?"

"Brian, I am talking to the new Detective Colin Lowery, the best part in 'Lead Time.'"

"I got the part? Holy shit!"

"You got the part. I'm at the Westby. Come on down, I'll buy you a beer."

"Yeah, sure. Great! I'll see you in a few minutes."

Brian went to the bathroom, turned on some cold water and splashed his face. He wanted to run out and the street, pumping his fists and do a happy dance, but Nathan, damn.

"Come on Brian, this is good news and you're an actor. Act happy, buddy," he said to the mirror, before making his way there.

Phil Turner waited, remembering Brian as a talented guy, even with the self-doubt. He'd worked for more neurotic actors, and he'd always felt that it was only a matter of time before things clicked for Brian.
Brian spotted him, making his way to the chair across the table as Phil motioned to the server for two rounds.

"Congratulations. I knew something like this would happen," Phil said.

"Thanks, man. Whew," Brian said. It's a relief. I felt good about what I did with it, but you never know. How much did they like it? Will they get a bigger name?"

"This time, you're the bigger name," Phil said. "So, let's talk shop about this a bit."

The two started to talk about details, about how he'd be getting the full script, watermarked for him, delivered in a few days. There were some moving parts to put into place yet.

Phil started to talk about those parts when he got a good look at Brian and realized something was off. He said, "You just got the part. THE part. What's wrong?"

"What do you mean? No, I'm good. This is freaking huge for me, thank you. I mean, it's awesome."

"Come on, Brian. You're a damn good actor, but you're not THAT good. You have something else on your mind."

"Yeah, Phil. I guess I do. Can you give me a minute?"

Phil stood up and gave Brian a pat on the back. "Buddy, take all the time you need. The rehearsals start a month from now, so we have time to talk about more details. Go. Do what you need to do."

"Thanks man, you're the best," Brian said as he pulled out his phone to call Nate.

"That's what you pay me for, Helton. That's what you pay me for," a smiling Phil said with a wave as he left.
Brian was surprised to hear Jess answer him.

"Hey, is, um, Nathan there?"

"Busy right now," she said. "What can I do for you?"

"Um, well, I really need to talk to him. Would it be okay if I came over?"

Jess looked over at Nathan, mouthing the words. Hesitantly at first, then emphatically, Nathan nodded yes, before putting up a hand in a "Stop!" motion

Nathan grabbed a nearby pen and paper, holding up the paper to Jess revealing the words "Give me an hour."

"Brian, can you wait an hour?"

"Sure. He can take all the time he needs," Brian said.

"Great, see you then," Jess said warmly.

"All the time he needs, the longest 60 minutes of my life," Brian thought as he nursed a beer the whole time, not even getting a reassuring look from the bar, as Emma had the day off.

Looking for what felt like the hundredth time at his phone. 56 minutes. No, 57. Good enough. I can't wait any longer. He walked to the subway, scared of what was going to happen, still doubting he could be the man Nate needed.

Jess heard the knock on the door, looked through the keyhole to see Brian. The keyhole view didn't show what she saw when she opened. He looked like hell.

"Thanks, Jess. I, uh, is Nathan here?"

She reassuringly waved him in, inviting him to have a seat. "Can I get you anything? Water? Tea?"

Brian said, "Water would be fine, thanks. Nathan?"

Jess smiled, "Nathan's not here for a bit, but, they left this for you," as she handed him an envelope.
More confused than before, he looked up at her.

"Trust me, you're going to want to read this. I'm going to go out for a little while to give you some privacy. Just promise me one thing," she said.

"What's that?"

As she made her way to the door, not knowing herself how this would play out, she gave him a look of reassurance, telling him, "Be nice," Her look became tinged with "If you hurt my friend, I will end you" vibes, as she added for emphasis. "Be. Nice."

"I will," Brian replied, taking a couple deep breaths as the door closed behind her. "Okay, let's see how badly you screwed this up, Brian," he said, opening the envelope and pulling out the folded paper inside.
He began to read, hearing Nathan's voice in his head upon seeing his words written out.

"Brian, I feel terrible about last night. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Running away was a bad thing to do, but it was the only thing in my head at that moment. Fight or flight? Flight. Terrible. You deserve better."

"I know, I know," the note continued. "I should be telling you this directly, but the truth is, I'm still scared. Really scared. And when I get scared, it's easier to put down what I have to say on paper. I've been that way since grade school. Besides, that's what I do. I write."

Brian sighed, but kept reading.

"Again, I'm so sorry about last night. You did nothing wrong. When you kissed me, I was shocked. In a good way. Truth is, I've had feelings for you for a long time, but I never had any indication you felt the same way. I was kind of convinced you didn't. I didn't want to screw up what we had, you know?"

Before the words "But why?" could escape Brian's lips, he read the next paragraph. "But then it hit me. You don't know. I panicked. I couldn't be that guy. I can't be him, because I'm trans. I've been seeing a therapist and everything. I can't be Nathan, because I need to be Nicole. I am Nicole. You didn't know it, but that's who you were kissing."

"Wow," was all Brian could say. It wasn't anything he saw coming, but, but something about it fit. Nathan had been acting like his usual self lately, but that's it, it felt like acting, like he was playing at being Nathan. His anguish and confusion began to give way to feeling for his friend, for what he, no, she had been going through. He picked the note up again.

"I haven't come out to many people. Jess knows and I suspect Emma does, but that's it. I've been so scared to tell you. I mean, instinctively, I know you're not a jerk, so I can't see you being a transphobe, but there's still a small chance. There's this girl in my support group, let's call her 'Lily.' She had an older sister that was her best friend for years until she came out to her. She flipped, which Lily never saw coming. She still doesn't know if they can repair the damage."

"So, I have faith in you, but I hope you can understand my fear. Plus, I've been thinking of you as more than a friend, so I feared that rejection."

"But, here's the thing," she continued. "If you don't see me as girlfriend material, I can live with that, as long as I don't lose you as a friend. I understand if you're freaked out or you need time. This was totally not the way I wanted to come out to you, believe me, but it's what happened. I hate that I can't go back and change it. Just know this, I will always care about you as a friend and, if you feel about Nicole as you did Nate, I definitely care about you that way,"

"Holy crap," Brian muttered, "Holy crap."

He paused for what felt like another hour, trying to absorb all this, before going back to the note.
"No rush," Nicole wrote. "But just know, if you still want me in your life, I'll be there for you no matter wh-"

Brian heard a thump from behind the closed door to Nath-Nicole's bedroom, then an anguished voice crying out, "Shit! Stupid phone!"

As he saw the words, "Love, Nicole" on the note not seeing the "P.S. -- I'm so damn sorry. Forgive me" below.

He stood up and spoke, "Nicole? You can come out now, um, so to speak."

Nicole's bedroom door slowly opened. She tentatively stepped out, her auburn hair having been styled into something workably feminine by Jess. Her makeup skills weren't what she wanted, but way better than when she started ("All praise YouTube tutorials", she thought to herself). She wore a women's Nirvana tee, jeans and low-heeled boots. Biting her lip nervously, she said, "Brian?"

"Nicole. Okay, Nicole," he nodded. "Nice T-shirt."

"Yeah, I can even name more than three songs by them," she chuckled.

"Smartass."

"I get that way when I'm nervous."

"I get that. I am, too. But maybe there's no need to be," Brian said, motioning her to the couch. "We can talk about this, now that it's in the open and all."

"Again, I'm so, so sorry about last night, I just-"

"It's okay, I think," Brian said as he took Nicole's hand, not even noticing the blue polish on her nails as he looked in her eyes. "I mean, yeah. I've been beating myself up all day. It hurt. It really hurt but I get it, I think. You were scared. I ducked my feelings for you for a long time because I was scared. I kept thinking, 'I can't be the guy for you because I can't be gay,' until I finally realized, 'Screw it. So what if I were?' I was scared. You were scared. And, seeing you right now, I think I'm bi anyway, so I was twisting myself into knots for nothing. Maybe we were both twisting ourselves into knots for nothing. We might be okay."

"We?"

"Absolutely," Brian said as Nicole could see him tearing up. "Look, I already knew I loved you, but today, I got the best news of my life and I was miserable because I couldn't celebrate it with the guy, no, the woman, who got me there. It just felt wrong."

"So you're saying you're good with me, with this," she said, gesturing at herself before the light bulb went off over her head. "Ohmigawd! Holy crap! You got the part!"

Nicole instinctively moved over to hug him, embracing him as she continued, "I'm so proud of you! I said you could nail it!"

"Thanks, you helped me so much. You unlocked that part for me, kind of like you unlocked other things. I mean, today's been a lot. This is new for me, but, you're still you, so to speak. I mean, geez, I thought I was an actor, but you've been pretending to be a guy all this time."

Nicole, tearing up, said, "You're right. For a long time, even into this year, I almost believed it, but I'm retiring.I don't know about you, but I could go for a drink right now."

"Me, too," Brian said, "We have a lot to catch up on."

"Indeed, we do," Nicole said as she went to make the drinks, feeling hope as the last vestiges of last night's panic slipped away. For the first time since last night, no, longer than that -- months? years?, she felt like she could breathe a little.

She brought the drinks and some snack mix. The two nibbled the snacks as they sipped their beverages, talking for a while, answering each other's questions. Nicole told Brian about how she planned her dressing when he was on shoots or auditions, so there was no chance of him stopping by. Some of her "work stuff" was actually therapy sessions and support group meetings. He told her that he couldn't remember when he first had feelings for her, but that they were cemented when she helped him with that read for "Lead Time" a few months ago.

They'd gradually sat closer to each other until they touched, an awkward silence threatening to creep in. Nicole looked at Brian, asking him "You did say, 'We' earlier. Did you really mean that?"

Brian said, "I told you already and I'll tell you as many times as I have to. Yes, I mean it."

Nicole leaned in towards him, raised her left eyebrow, saying, "That kiss from last night? How about picking up where we left off, then?"

Brian's widening grin gave her the only answer she needed.

January 2

Brian stirred again, opening his eyes to see the pattern the sun made on the opposite wall through the partially opened window shades. The extra bit of sleep, after Nicole got up, did wonders.

He could hear Nicole in the living room, then saw her through the open bedroom door.

"Hey, beautiful. How'd it go?" he asked.

"Well, you've met my parents. I mean, I expected Mom to concern troll me about it, but she started talking about her new daughter. Then she had a feeling this is what was bothering me. I told her, 'Well you could have told me!' She said, 'Sweetie, that's something you had to figure out for yourself. Gah!" Nicole said.

"She's probably right."

"Yeah, but I could have used a little help cracking the egg. She knows about us, too."

"She does? Probably fine with that, knowing her. And your dad?"

"He didn't surprise me like mom did. He was quiet, but nice. I know he has my back, but, you know, if you ever get cast to play someone named Mr. Stoic, you can shadow him for a week. Oh, by the way, I got you a bagel, poppy seed with salmon cream cheese, right? I think they used Nova."

As she held up the bag, he took in what he was seeing. She was in a gold V-neck sweater, her hair framing her face well. The makeup applied with less nerves. Hoop earrings and --

"Wait, those glasses are new?"

"Nothing gets by you, Mr. Movie Detective," she quipped. "Tortoise shell cats-eyes. Turns out they were delivered to the wrong apartment. The guy who lives in 4-D got back this morning and brought them to me. It makes a bigger difference than I thought, not wearing 'his' glasses anymore. They look good for the pictures."

"Oh?"

She said, "I thought about it after the last couple days and, you know, you and my parents were the ones I was most worried about coming out to. I just wanted to pull off the bandage, so, well..."

She showed her phone to Brian, who saw the new profile picture, shot outside the bagel shop, and the name below it -- "Nicole Cafferty."

"How's the response been?"

"Well, it's still early, but it seems to be pretty positive so far. I guess I've got a pretty good group of friends. I'd hoped so, but you never know," she said as she sat at the foot of the bed.

The thought hit his mind. If she can be out, so could he. It took long enough, but I'm ready. I can do this, but I can't just make this call unilaterally.

He asked her, "So, when do we let them know about us? No rush, but I'm ready whenever you are."
"I think they're well ahead of us," Nicole said with a smile. She turned her phone so he could scroll the comments on the post -- "About damn time! Jeebus!" , "So that's what it was! So happy for you!", "You go, girl!", but then, "How'd your boyfriend take it?", "I bet Brian's proud of you. He'd better be. If he's not, I'll set him straight on how to treat you", and then, "So, when are you two making it Facebook Official? We have a pool" (said with a wink).

"Oh, geez, Emma," Brian said in mock distress. "I really thought I was hiding it. Guess I'm not as good an actor as I thought."

"Oh, you're a damn good actor, honey," Nicole replied as she lay down on the bed beside him, looking straight into his eyes. "It's just that deep down, you didn't believe the material. But luckily, that project's been shelved. Permanently."

"Thank God. I've got enough on my plate," Brian said, looking attentively at her. This friend he could always count on, yet always wondering if there could be more to it (and afraid of that very possibility). And here it was. Here she was, clearly with her mask off. His, too. The fear gone. Fake it? No, he'd made it. They both had.

He continued, "I know everybody's been ahead of us, but I think we're catching up. And, well-"
"Oh, you read my mind," Nicole said, kissing him with intent and purpose, as he responded likewise. "Catching up is going to be a lot of fun."

Her phone slipped off the side of the bed, its fall cushioned by "his" jeans and "Nathan's" godawful polo shirt, one she'd never need again.

Making it Facebook Official could wait. So could the world.