Part 37 By Anistasia Allread Edited by Edeyn “Where are we going?” Erika asked looking around, “The church is the other direction.” “I thought we would try out a different church.” “I thought you liked the Catholic church last week?” “I did,” Her mother nodded, “I thought we agreed to try a different church every week?” |
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Julian held the door to his car as Erika slid into the passenger seat. “Are you hungry?” he asked.
“No.” Erika shook her curls.
“Want to go back to the dance?”
“Can you take me home?” She asked as he got in behind the driver's wheel.
“I guess. If that is what you want.”
She nodded.
Julian pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the main road. Erika was slightly startled, yet somehow comforted by his hand resting on her knee. She didn't know exactly what to do. The gesture was not a sexual one, was it? It was just a hand on her knee. The girls at camp always put a hand on her knee or touch her in a way similar.
“Did I do something wrong?” Julian asked.
“No.”
The car was again quiet as he drove. His hand lifted from her knee to help steer. A memory of his hand, the lack of heat and sudden coolness of the area only reminded her of his presence.
It wasn't long before Julian pulled up in front of her house. He turned off the engine and looked over at her. His hand reached out, his fingers lightly touching a curled tress and tucking it behind her ear.
“I did have a good time tonight.” he smiled.
Erika couldn't help but smile. This night would live on in her memory for a long time. “I did too.” She smiled.
Julian leaned forward, cupping her nape with his hand and drawing her in for a kiss.
The soft peck that Erika expected turned into a long lingering kiss, as his lips nibbled at hers.
Erika drew back and pulled away from the kiss. “I should be going.” She stated.
“Okay.” Julian sighed. A look of resignation filled his face. He set his jaw a bit more firm and got out the car and walked around to open the door for her. He held out his hand, which she took and stepped up onto the curb.
The two walked in nervous silence towards the front door. Erika pulled her key out of her clutch and turned to Julian.
“Thank you for taking me and Tricia to the dance tonight, Julian.”
“It was fun.” he was at a loss for something better to say.
Erika leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “It will be a night that I won't soon forget.”
Julian wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him to kiss her again.
Erika turned away from his searching lips. “I'm sorry Julian. I can't be that girl, right now. It's not fair to your I know, but I need time.”
“I know you are going through some things right now.” Julian whispered, still holding her. “I can't even imagine what it is you are dealing with.”
Erika nodded understanding and gave him a squeeze of thanks.
“I'll try and be what you need.” he stated softly.”
“Thank you, Julian.”
Erika felt him release her. She smiled at the handsome swimmer and and watched as he walked down the path towards his car before turning and unlocking the door.
She was inside before she heard him drive off.
--o0o--
“Come on lazy butt.” Mrs. Martin opened the door and allowed the light from the hall to fall across Erika's face.
“Why?” Erika moaned.
“Church.”
“But I was out late last night,” Erika protested.
“Not my fault.” her mother protested. “You said you had fun.”
Erika sighed. “Yes I did.”
“Good, now it's time to repent for what ever sins you committed last night.”
“What? I didn't sin.”
“That's between you and God.” her mother smiled.
Half an hour later Erika graced her mother's presence dressed in one of the few skirts that she had. “I really need to go shopping soon.” Erika stated.
“You really need to get that tumor removed.” Erika's mom stated.
“Not today, Mom.” Erika whined.
“I set up an appointment for you to talk to Dr. Barts tomorrow.”
“I can't be missing that much school.” Erika protested.
“I've already spoken to Principal Crawford. As long as you don't fall behind in your classes, you will be fine. She assures me that if need be, she'll arrange for your school work to be delivered home.”
Erika rolled her eyes. She pulled on her coat and followed her mom out to the car.
“When do I see Dr. Barts tomorrow?”
“After school.”
“I have rally practice.”
“Not while you have a tumor in your head. It's too dangerous.”
“I danced a bit last night.” Erika pointed out.
“There weren't girls doing flips and cartwheels last night.”
“Where are we going?” Erika asked looking around, “The church is the other direction.”
“I thought we would try out a different church.”
“I thought you liked the Catholic church last week?”
“I did,” Her mother nodded, “I thought we agreed to try a different church every week?”
“Oh.” Erika remembered the conversation. She sighed to herself. She was looking forward to seeing Annie and Allie again.
The two sat in silence as her mother continued driving to this week's church. Her mother pulled into a gravel parking lot amid a few dozen cars and mini-vans and packed.
Different Sunday, different church. Erika took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She stepped out into the gray drizzle and hoped that her mother would hurry. Standing out in this weather, her hair would start to go flat.
Several older ladies dressed in good wool dresses patterned after something last century chattered and cackled like geese gathered around a feed trough. They're eyes crinkled showing magnified crow's feet behind their glasses.
“Good morning.” Mrs. Martin greeted.
The ladies smiled politely as Erika followed her mother into the sanctuary. Unlike the catholic sanctuary last week, this large room was bare. Very bare. Constructed of cinder block and painted white. No pictures hung from the walls, no stained glass, nothing. Well, nothing except for a large wooden cross on the far side of the room.
A bell in a tower overhead began to ring. The sanctuary quickly filled with somber people in suits and dresses as an ancient organ began to play what sounded like a dirge.
Erika would later remember the sounding of the bell to be the onslaught of her verbal torture.
Twice during the sermon, she attempted to escape. Twice her mother's hand forced her down along with a stern look. “Don't embarrass me.” she mouthed.
Erika glared back, “This is ridiculous.” she whispered back.
“We'll leave when it's over.” Her mother ordered.
Erika crossed her arms over her chest and did her best to ignore the word vomit coming from the pulpit. She ended up shutting completely down. She had to struggle not to yawn as the vicious spouting from the preacher continued.
She was brought to her senses when the people of the congregation shuffled to a standing position and began singing. Erika struggled to her feet. Her eyes glossed over the page unseeing as her lips moved to music and sounds unbidden.
As soon as the service was over, Erika bolted to the door. Her mother tried to grab her arm as she went past, but she pulled free and put the so called sanctuary behind her.
She didn't worry about her hair as she stood outside the car door waiting in the rain for her mother to unlock it. The door clicked electronically and she practically dove into the car to get away from the rain as well as the bigoted people of the church. Even the window and car door didn't seem to be enough of a barrier.
“That was quite embarrassing.” her mother settled into her seat.
“I'm not coming back here again.” Erika swore. “How could you sit there and listen to that bull shit?”
“It wasn't all bull shit.” her mother started the car. “You shut out everything and didn't listen.”
“Of course not.” Erika buckled her seat belt. “They are a bunch of closed minded bigots.”
“You should not have acted the way you did in there. You should have listened to what was being said.”
“I did!” Erika yelled, “They were saying that homosexuals and the like are all evil and the spawns of Satan. I can't believe you even listened, let alone sat in there for more than five minutes.”
“Just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean it isn't out there, or even true.” Her mother shot back as she pulled out on to the main road.
“So you think that a moral, law abiding gay man, acts out on his desire to be with another man, that he will be sent to hell?”
“It isn't my place to judge.” Her mother stated.
“So then you also think I am going to hell.” she crossed her arms over her chest.
“I think that this...... this..... “ She waved her hand at Erika, “It just isn't natural.”
“So you think I'm going to hell.” it was a statement.
“I didn't say that.”
“You don't deny it.”
“I just don't think it is normal or right.” Her mother turned the corner a bit sharply.
“So you are going to brain wash me?”
“Stop being so dramatic.”
“Dramatic?” Erika protested throwing her hands into the air. “You took me to a church that believes that people like me are evil and spawn of Satan.”
“I didn't know they were going to preach that.”
“Yeah, sure.” Erika looked out the window of the car, refusing to acknowledge her mother.
At the next traffic light, Erika pulled her cell phone out of the glove compartment and flipped it open. There were twenty three messages waiting for her. She scrolled through them. Most were from Victoria and Samantha a couple were from Krystal. She opened the first on the list, from Victoria.
Victoria: How could you have done that to Tricia? Call me
Victoria: She called me this morning, crying, were you really making out with Julian on the roof? We need to talk.
Samantha: What is going on? I'm hearing some awful rumors. Call me when you get this.
Victoria: Call me
Victoria: where are you? Are you avoiding me?
Most of the rest of the texts followed the same lines. Even Krystal was worried and upset.
Tears fell from Erika's eyes as she flipped the phone shut. God, could she do anything right? Apparently not. Even as a girl she was screwing things up.
When the car pulled into the drive, Erika bolted into the house and raced as fast as she could up the stairs in heels.
“Hey Honey, how was church?” her father called from his office.
Erika ignored him, locking her bedroom door behind her as she threw herself on to her bed and wept.
Her phone vibrated signaling another text. She flipped it open.
Samantha: Are you back from church?
Erika scrolled to Samantha's name and hit TALK.
“Erika?”
“Yes.” Erika's nose was stuffed up from crying. “I just got home.”
“What the hell happened last night?” Samantha inquired.
Erika outlined her experience with Julian on the roof and finding Tricia stoned in the parking lot. She then added the bit about Julian taking her to his special place.
“Man, You have the school going nuts.” Samantha told her. “I have been getting texted and called all morning with people wanting know about what they have heard. Some are saying that you and Julian were seen having sex up there.”
“We weren't. He just kissed me.”
“And Tricia saw that?”
“Yes.” Erika admitted.
“God, Erika.” Samantha scorned, “I know you have a brain tumor, but is it effecting your reasoning as well as your hormones?”
Erika burst out sobbing again.
“Text Victoria and get her off my case. I'm coming over. The best thing for you to do right now is to find Tricia and apologize to her, and then you two need to be seen in public together to start disarming these rumors.”
“Is kissing Julian so wrong?” Erika almost whispered.
“It is when you are supposed to be a couple with someone else.” Samantha admonished. “Wash your face and clean up, then see if you can locate Tricia. No one has been able to since she first text Victoria this morning.”
Erika sniffled. “Okay.” the phone went dead.
Erika did as instructed and washed her face, then had to reapply her make up.
“Your friend, Samantha is here.” Erika's mother knocked on the door.
“I'll be out in a minute.” Erika called. She checked her self in the mirror one more time. Her results weren't pretty, but they were passable. She flipped open her phone and text Tricia before emerging from her room and meeting Samantha sitting at the kitchen table.
“Have you found Tricia?” Samantha got up.
“I just sent her a text.”
Samantha wrapped her arms around Erika and held her in a long hug. “I'm going to cut you a little slack, because you're still a bit new at this, and because you're brain damaged.” She pulled back from Erika and gave her a big smile.
“I'm so confused right now.” Erika admitted.
“Let's go see if we can track down Trish.” Samantha let go and walked towards the door. “Grab your purse, and your jacket. It's cold out there.”
“Where are you two heading off to?” Erika's mom asked.
“Out.” Erika was short.
“We're going to see about helping a friend who had a rough night last night.” Samantha explained. “And to hang out. We might even go to the mall.”
“You have your phone?” Mrs. Martin asked Erika.
Erika rolled her eyes, but nodded. Her mother turned away to do some important task.
Erika joined Samantha out in the cold, blustery day.
“How was church?” Samantha asked, her breath was visible in the crisp damp air.
Erika told her about the horrible experience.
“So that explains why your mother and you are at odds.”
“We are at odds because she won't accept me.” Erika stated.
“Tricia accepts you.” Samantha put it out there.
Erika hung her head. “I don't know what's wrong with me.” She told her friend. “I love Tricia.”
“But?” Samantha urged.
“Things with Julian are just so...... so exciting.”
“Do you think Julian will accept you, knowing what you are?” Samantha asked.
Erika shook her head after a pause.
“Tricia accepts you doesn't she?”
“Yes,” Erika muttered.
“Are you more attracted to Tricia or Julian?”
“Tricia, I think.”
“You think?” Samantha nudged.
“Julian has been the only guy that I have ever been, you know. . . attracted to.”
“You haven't been attracted to any other guys?” Samantha asked.
Erika shook her head.
“Not even a little tiny bit with Josh?”
“Eeeww, No!”
A long quiet fell between the two. Before She knew it, Erika was standing in front of Tricia's house. The two girls stood there for a long time Erika dreading the task that she had to complete.
Samantha took her hand, gave it a squeeze and pulled her to the door and rang the doorbell.
“Hello.” Tricia's father greeted without much warmth. Warm air, like a hot breath breathed on them from the warm interior of the house. “What can I do for you?” he didn't even open the screen door to let them in out of the cold air.
“We are looking for Tricia.” Samantha stated, “Is she home?”
“She said she needed to get some fresh air and clear her head.” her father explained. “She's pretty upset.”
“That is why we'd like to talk to her.” Samantha agreed.
Erika nodded.
“Sorry girls, I don't know where she went. Have you tried calling her?”
“She's not answering my calls.” Erika nodded. “Not that I blame her right now.”
“Let me know when you find her.”
“Thanks.” The girls said together as he closed the door.
The two walked down the drive. Samantha pulled out her phone.
“Who are you texting?” Erika asked.
“Seeing if Victoria has heard from her.” Samantha pushed send, pocketed her phone and started down the street.
“Now where?” Erika asked.
“Halloween is next week. Have you thought about a costume?”
Erika shook her head, “No. I've been a bit preoccupied lately.”
“Well. . . Do you think you'll have surgery before next Saturday?” Samantha led their path to a covered bus stop.
“I'm not sure if I am going to have surgery.” Erika stated, “I Don't want to go through puberty as a boy.”
“I don't blame you.” Samantha winced. “Going through it as a girl is no treat either, although you won't be having a period.”
Erika shrugged.
The two stood in with their backs to the frigid wind, their long hair whipping around their faces, each lost in her own thoughts.
“What are you thinking?” Erika finally asked.
“If you're a cat or a fairy princess.”
“What?”
“If you're the kind of girl who grew up being a cat for Halloween or a Fairy Princess.” Samantha clarified.
“Does it matter?”
“Kind of.” Samantha smiled. “Summer was always a black cat or a witch for Halloween. I was always a Princess.”
Samantha dug her phone out of her pocket and flipped it. “Victoria says that Tricia might be at the mall doing some shopping therapy.”
a gust of wind buffeted Erika's jacket and flared her skirt. “Damn it's cold in this skirt.”
“You should get some tights.” Samantha nodded understanding.
A bus pulled up and opened its doors to them. The girls stepped in, the heater running full blast did little to warm them.
“So I take it we are going to the mall?” Erika asked.
Samantha nodded, “We have to find Tricia so that you can apologize to her. While we are there we can do some shopping.”
“You had to work shopping in there didn't you.” Erika rolled her eyes.
“You have the new shopping expense account and need clothes,” Samantha pointed out, “Starting with some tights or leggings to keep your legs warm under that skirt.”
--o0o--
The Constitution mall was a welcome environment of warmth after braving the falling temperatures outside as well as the passably not chilly bus.
Erika's legs tingled slightly as they began to warm up. After a few minutes, she unzipped her jacket.
Samantha checked her phone again. “Victoria doesn't know where Tricia is other than that she is here at the mall.”
“Well, where should we check first?” Erika pondered aloud.
“Forever 21? American Eagle?” Samantha posed.
Erika shrugged and headed off towards the stores that Tricia would most likely frequent.
The two entered Forever 21 and looked for the pink clad blonde, but didn't see her.
“Hey there.” Jordon greeted.
“Hi Jordon. Have you seen Tricia around?” Samantha asked a bit distracted.
“I saw her about an hour ago down towards the food court.”
“Thanks.” Samantha turned to leave, “See you tomorrow.” she threw over her shoulder at the Rally member.
“If you see her, could you let her know that we are looking for her?” Erika asked.
“Sure.” Jordon smiled.
Samantha and Erika headed to the food court wing of the mall.
“Do you think she would still be down here?” Erika asked.
“Who knows.” Samantha sighed. “Text her again.”
“I did.” Erika explained. “I told her we were here and looking for her.”
Samantha stopped in front of Hot Topic. “That's cute.” She commented.
“What?”
“You can be a sexy nurse for Halloween.” Samantha suggested pointing out the risqué costume.
“No way.” Erika shook her head.
“How about the sexy 'she devil'?”
“How about no sexy anything.” Erika stated.
“It was just a thought.” Samantha shrugged.
Erika's phone rang. She flipped it open.
Krystal: I found her. Meet you at the food court in 5.
Erika shared the new information with Samantha. She looked around and found that they were already only two stores away from the food court.
“Lets grab some quiet tables so that you two can talk.” Samantha took Erika's hand and guided her. “Remember, she is in love with who you are. Julian is in love with who he thinks you are.”
The two sat down at a table and surveyed the congruence of shoppers hurrying about with their bags of merchandise.
“There's Krystal.” Samantha pointed.
Erika followed the direction and noticed the ever slimming girl from camp. She was holding hands with Jorge and pulling someone else by the arm. Erika looked for the blonde clad in pink but didn't see anyone close to Krystal that fit the description.
As they approached, Krystal pushed someone out front. Erika's jaw dropped. Standing slightly in front of Krystal looking sour and dressed in jeans and a blue polo shirt was Tricia. Seeing her girlfriend wasn't the largest shocker though.
“What did you do to your hair?” Samantha exclaimed.
Tricia shrugged.
“You two need to work things out.” Krystal nudged Tricia towards a seat across from Erika. Erika just stared dumbfounded.
The girl sitting across from her was almost unrecognizable. Not wearing any makeup, or pink, Tricia's long hair was practically gone.
“You cut your hair.” Erika stated the obvious.
Tricia's hand went to the back of her head and stroked the blonde hair that couldn't be more than an inch in length.
“I'm going to get a snack.” Samantha announced. She joined Krystal and Jorge in a search for some munchies.
“Why did you cut your hair?” Erika asked.
“Something different.” Tricia shrugged, avoiding Erika's eyes.
Erika set her hands out on the table and reached towards Tricia's. Tricia pulled away.
“Tricia?” Erika said her name trying to get her friend to look at her. “Tricia?”
“What do you want from me now?” Tricia asked.
“I want to apologize to you.” Erika's eyes welled with tears, now realizing just how badly she had hurt her friend.
“For what? Being a girl?”
“No. for being mean and unfeeling towards you and your feelings.”
Tricia still avoided eye contact.
“I. . . I'm not used to this.” Erika stated. “I'm not used to having friends. I'm not used to people noticing me other than to trip me or spit at me, and I'm not used to having guys who want to shower me with attention.” She moved her hand towards Tricia. “Last night was. . . overwhelming and confusing. I got so caught up in being a princess that I forgot that it was supposed to be a special night for you too.”
Erika could see Tricia's eyes welling with tears.
“You love me for who I am,” Erika stated, borrowing Samantha's words, “Julian loves me for who he thinks I am.”
Tricia let out a shuddering sigh. She wiped at her eyes. “What about you?” she asked.
“I love you for all of your unconditional love.” Erika stated. She ached to hold Tricia, or for Tricia to hold her.
“It just really hurt seeing you with Julian last night.” Tricia explained.
“I'm sure it did. I'm sorry.”
“Are you dating him now?”
She didn't think they were an item now. They did kiss and he took her to his special place, but as a couple? She didn't feel that way about him. Yes she enjoyed his attention and feeling like a princess all night. It was magical under the stars as well as under the reflections of the pool. But the night ended with a hug and a bit guarded. Could she see herself cuddling up with him on the sofa like she did with Tricia? It would be nice, but she would have to be on guard all of the time. She would never be able to relax, never to be herself, all one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time.
“No.” She answered. “I'd like to still date you. That is, if you'll have me.”
Tricia met Erika's gaze. Tears spilled out of her eyes. “I love you too much not to.” She smiled weakly.
“Summer once told me something. I don't know where she got it but it was meant for you.” Erika finally took Tricia's hand in hers. “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart; and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
The two stood and wrapped their arms around each other, holding one another and crying into one another's shoulder.
To Be Continued...
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A note from the author : )
There are some pretty heavy opinions on how certain characters are acting or what they should do. I am trying to write the teen-agers as teen-agers to the best of my ability. I remember being flighty, moody, hormonal and the like. I just hope that all comes through in the story.
I have been enjoying everyones comments. they do give me an insight into what I am doing wrong, what I need to portray better and what I need to abandon.
The episodes will be coming less frequent as I work with RL issues. but I hope you all will enjoy them as they come.
Thanks for reading, enjoying and commenting
A.A.
Boffo chapter, AA
The reconciliation with Trish was spot on and Samantha amazed me with her insight to Erica's would be lovers. I quote ...
>>
“Lets grab some quiet tables so that you two can talk.†Samantha took Erika's hand and guided her. “Remember, she is in love with who you are. Julian is in love with who he thinks you are.â€
>>
I loved how Erica latched onto this powerful insight and repeated it to Trish.
I am sorry for Erica and her dad, mom has shown her true self and it is ugly.
Time for Erica to get a lawyer to protect herself from her increasingly delusional mom. That church visit was a trip to Hell. With her mom it's been one step forward, three steps back of late and is getting worse I think mom is a lost cause .Her previous latching onto the tumor as THE reason for her SON wanting to be a girl worried me but this less than subtle embracing of *you'll burn in hell* *gays and TG are Satan's spawn* crap scares me deeply for the child's safety. I worry mom will drag her off to be *cleansed of the Devil's taint* and killed in the process.
Mom is no longer a sympathetic , confused person but a potential criminal/murderess. Her frequent complaining about *How can you embarrass me like this?*, this putting everything she says first and ahead of anything her child wants or believes is sick. You have created a sadly believable villain out of what Erik/Erica's part-time mom thinks is love.
Very good stuff, AA.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Beautiful
Anistasia, the quote from Summer is just beautiful. Thank you.
Hugs
Carla Ann
A.A. I Find
Your portrayal to be spot on! I can see myself reacting as Erica is. But coud Julian be bi-sexual? Or even a trans girl?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
lmao
Where did that come from? It made me laugh so much.
But I do think your characters are accurate and believable. Also, who here saw that thing with the church coming? *raises hand*
Keep the good chapters coming! I look forward to this story every week.
*raises hand* Me too! I was
*raises hand* Me too! I was worried she'd go that way when she first started talking about going to church. The question now is whether she'll choose another bigoted church for the next Sunday, or if she's really picking them at random!
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
I think you did a great job
I think you did a great job with this! Erika getting caught up in all the attention is very realistic and understandable, and I love the way you ended this chapter! Great job Anistasia! :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Nothing at all wrong
RAMI
Dear A.A.
From the "Contrarian", the commentator whose comments have often gone against those of most of the other readers, you have done nothing wrong in this story. That is evident from the number of comments you get and the diverse opinions that are elicited. I for one will await all chapters as they come.
Some of us who had come to mom's defense, have to rethink that position. Mom was definitely out of line by taking Erika to the church she picked. It is obvious that this was not a chance happening, and mom wanted to accomplish something. That she thought something positive would occur means mom does not even begin to understand Erika or even Eric. Instead of possibly accomplishing something to persuade Erika to rethink what she is doing, she only turned her child off to her and her actions.
Erika did a terrible thing to Tricia. I understand Erika was confused but she totally hurt her friend. She truly needs to do something to make amends.
I realize that Erika is new to being a girl or even a confident human being, but she needs to get some basic instincts quickly. I for one do not think Julian is a good guy. He has too many moves and too many keys to hidden places. Even if Erika decides that she is more interested in Tricia
then Julian, she needs to be cautious about him. I fully expect the rumors which Julian will have fueled will be that "Julian and Erika" went all the way at the pool.
RAMI
RAMI
I continue to reserve
I continue to reserve judgement on Mom for the moment. The agreement was to try a different church every week until they found one they like. Yes she said some rough things here, and it doesn't shock me since we already knew she was not that upset with the father's family which is like that.
The real question will be what happens next week. Also, Erika is seeing Dr. Barts tomorrow, she has a lot of stuff she should be talking to her about, not just the brain tumor. Frankly, Dr. Barts should stress to her that she should get that taken care of and that there are other ways to resolve the puberty issue. That should calm Erika down on that point and then they can work on the bigger problem of Mom and accepting. I'm a bit surprised that Dad did not get involved today after seeing Erika clearly upset after church.
Erika really does need to put a stop to seeing Julian, he is not right for her. He is too grabby, and as Samantha hit her over the head with, in love with an image, not Erika.
Good for Tricia for accepting the apology from Erika.
A.A. great chapter! Look forward to the next when you can get to it and hope that RL lightens up for you soon, believe me I understand all about that.
Hugs
Kristy
If You're Saying...
...that Julian is planning to spread rumors about Erika and him, I'd disagree. (If you're saying the rumors will happen anyway, then you're correct: we've already seen one in this morning's text mail, among people who don't even know about the pool.)
He doesn't seem to me to be that kind of egotist. He's self-assured and can be selfish (and he apparently isn't as thoughtful or altruistic as we used to think), but I don't see anything there that makes him a braggart or instills a need on him to one-up people in locker room discussions or the like. He's cooler than that. We know that he was upset when what he thought was a private place for him and Erika turned out to be "viewed by half the school" -- that wasn't a calculated move at all.
I might be mistaken in still thinking of him as essentially a nice guy whose hormones aren't quite under control, but I don't think he's a villain or someone who wants to profit at the expense of Erika's reputation. (What happens when Erika breaks up with him -- assuming she doesn't change her mind again -- remains to be seen, but even there, using rumors about their trip to the pool as revenge doesn't make any sense if she chooses a lesbian relationship over his.)
Eric
Love...
Thank you, for bringing them back together...they are soul mates. I have put down my tissues to continue... In your life, they say that there is one true love...you don't always see it or know it... but you feel it, when it is lost. I hope their love has a chance to put down strong good roots, and is able to produce tender flowers of great beauty. I am looking forward, to the blossoming of their love, and Erika's emergence into womenhood. Love, Mary.
I don't know that....
all of the apologies belong from Erica's side. Tricia smoking of pot - irrespective of motivation - is something she knows Erica doesn't like.
I don't know if Erica really owes Tricia as much of an apology as all of their friends think she does too...
Erica's VERY naive. She even admits it in the story. Going with Julian doesn't necessarily show great judgment. Though, I doubt seriously she expected what would happen on the rooftop. As to the "place to think" with Julian? Another lapse in judgement. I'm a bit disappointed in Julian though. After her reaction on the rooftop - his further "advances" later in the evening were out of line. I'm glad he was able to refrain from FORCING his attention, but after the first "reaction" he really should have known to expect the rest. *sighs*
Apparently Tricia's pot smoking did NOT hit the gosip news - just Erica's making time with Julian. *sighs* Either none of the pot smokers "snitched", or smoking is so common at the school that it's a non-event.
I'm disappointed at Erica's mom. Not surprised, but disappointed. Taking Erica to THAT service, where apparently the sermon was condemning how Erica's trying to live, put her daughter in danger - physical danger. Had anyone a clue as to Erica's reaction, and why... *sighs* Yes, it probably IS important for Erica to understand that there ARE bigots out there that are convinced she is sinning, and might physically help her away from the sin, and even brainwash her so she wouldn't sin again. I kinda think Erica might have gotten that message, but perhaps lost it again in her friends steamrolling her into casting herself at Tricia's feet.
I wonder if the friends would be so fast to push Tricia, had Erica had a problem - say the tumor becomes aggressive? or she were attacked (as a result of Tricia outing her perhaps?)... Indications so far seem to be that Erica is the one to blame for everything, and Tricia's the injured. This bothers me a little. Maybe I'm just reading something into the story that's not there too... Equally possible.
Thanks for a thought provoking story.
Annette
If Erika ever tells her Dad
If Erika ever tells her Dad about the church her Mom took her too and also what her Mom said to her, I can see a very rapid separation occurring between Dad and Mom, with Erika going with her Dad. Mom is NOT working in the best interests of her daughter, she is only concerned about herself as she mentioned so easily to Ericka while driving home from the church. Janice Lynn
Like they said :)
An insightful chapter as all the commentators have said before me. I am relieved by Erika's realistic view point. Wish all young T-Girls would have some more common sense. Then the number of 'rage murders' by teen boyfriends would be much rarer.
Kim
Like they said :)
Sorry double posted again. Please have pity on a dial-up user :(.
Kim
I really loved this.
It was so touching that I was nearly crying. There will ba a way ... Inshallah.
I just love your work.
Many blessings
Khadija
Phew !
Chapter was BRILL.
Glad Tricia and Erica got together again. Yes Teens are often like that.
Nobody is taking this tumour seriously enough - 3 years ago despite all the special medical care I as an insider to the research that is going on in this area and with access to stuff not generally available, still lost a dear friend to a brain tumour. The UK's NHS gave him five months, which I helped to extend to 22 months, but wth surgery, radiotherapy, chemo and then other stuff, it still turned a brilliant man in his forties into a blind and blubbering baby in the end. Please make this a mis-diagnosis, pleeease?
What's with Erica's Mum? Would it be so Un-American to chuck all that church rubbish and be an atheist? What a waste of a Sunday morning! If there were a god which there isnt, a fine sense of humour it she or he has, to make a universe as messed up and cruel as this one - a committee of one legged politicians even could have done a better job, given half a chance. More in need of a well-placed kick than being worshipped, IMHO.
Anistisia, dont let RL interfere with your dreams too much. RL is only what is outside of you, your real real life is inside your own head. From there you can make it be whatever you will it to be.
Love,
Briar
Briar
Princess or Cat
The beginning upset me as much as Erika I think. Being forced to sit through a whole sermon in a church like that would make my skin crawl. *shiver*
Like others, I did see that type of church scene coming.
I loved Samantha's way of categorizing girlhood: Princess or Cat. I think it covers a surprisingly large number of girls. I'd have been a cat. What about you?
I worried myself into a mild panic when Erika and Samantha were hunting for Tricia. I knew Tricia would do something drastic. I just knew it. *sniffle*
I loved Samantha's line to help Erika figure everything out. It rang clear and true.
You've captured what I remember of my teenage years quite well. It's all wonderfully chaotic and full of angst. The last scene with Erika and Tricia was worth it all though.
Thanks very much. Please keep up the good work.
- Terry
Drastic, But Not TOO DRASTIC and Recoverable
RAMI
Yes, Tricia did something drastic. But, luckily not TOO Drastic, it was only cosmetic and hair can always grow back, even if it will take awhile. Girls do change their hair styles frequently. It is also something that can be easily explained to people not in the know.
I was afraid that she would do something really drastic. I thought based on the conversation with Tricia's dad, that perhaps she had run away, or as I feared, ttempted suicide. Happily that was not what she did. She also did not do something as stupid as mutilating her body with cuttings.
RAMI
RAMI
Tricia
Cutting her hair and eliminating the pink seemed like a deliberate attempt to butch up her look. It's like she thinks Erika might prefer boys, so she's trying to appear more masculine. It's a sweet if misguided gesture.
Tricia's Drastic Step
Agreed -- I thought a suicide attempt was coming when I read that. (More the "desperate cry for attention" -- especially from Erika -- type of try than a truly effective one, though. Not that I'm dismissing that sort of thing; it can still kill you.)
The church experience could have been worse -- Mom could have stood up during the service and said "take my son -- please", to paraphrase Henny Youngman. Mom needs to be convinced somehow that her behavior is counter-productive: inciting Erika into hatred for her isn't going to turn her into a loving son. Would Mom heed (additional) professional advice about that?
For Mom, theorizing that Erika's gender preference may be an artifact of the brain tumor is understandable and defensible. Trying to "scare Erika straight" by showing what she may be up against in the form of closed-minded bigotry isn't pleasant and doesn't figure to be all that effective against someone who has been through even worse as the Plague (though I'm not sure how much Mom realizes that even now), but I can't quite condemn her for that. However, voicing support for those who consign your child to Hell crosses a line, IMO.
Eric
Easier for Erika to Say...
...I think, than to do -- resisting Julian's future affections, I mean. Erika still gets a confirmation of her femininity from Julian that Tricia, who said last summer that she'd love either Eric or Erika, can't give. (In effect, that's what Samantha's formulation as to the difference between the two is saying.) I don't think Erika is ready to live without that reassurance, especially with her mother undermining her at home and her having to cope with her own uncertainties relating to the brain tumor.
Erika will stay loyal to Tricia in Tricia's presence. But if Julian gets Erika alone again sometime and Erika can be assured that Tricia won't know about it, I wouldn't bet against him. (I do think he'd take no for an answer without resorting to drinks or date-rape drugs. But I'm not at all sure that Erika would be able to give him an unequivocal no.)
Excellent chapter, A.A., as usual. As much as we've learned about your cast members and their capabilities, there's still plenty of uncertainty ahead to draw us in even further.
Eric
I've enjoyed this story,
since it began, notwithstanding my caution regarding stories about younger children. You've changed some of my thinking about that, and I want to thank you for a wonderfully entertaining tale.
I also would like to ask your permission to borrow a phrase from this episode, to possibly use as a signature for my posts.
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart; and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
The simple, yet so elegant, emotions that the phrase shouted to my heart, made me rethink some things and I would be honored if you would accede to my request.
Thank you for writing this great story, and helping me change some of my thinking about things.
Hugs 'n love,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
mom is pissing me off
she has just put herself in the same rank as the close minded bigots here. Its very sad to see her treating her new daughter this way but i hope they can come around like a mother and daughter should, but I doubt it. I think Sephrenas statment earler about her being a real danger to her daughter and the father should do everything he can including divorce and custudy hearing to get her daughter away from her. Taking her to that church proved it to me.
Erika needs to think things through...
Otherwise, she'll be heading for a fall.
I was going to make some comments about our heroine and her lack of judgment; however, you made some valid points at the beginning of the comments, so I'll hold my opinion of her actions in reserve.
However, she does need to be careful. Having been in her position(to a lesser degree, however), I know what it's like and how she must feel. But she needs to think and remember what has happened to her, and how these very same people last year wouldn't have done anything to prevent her from being beaten and abused.
Her only consistent protector and friend has been Tricia(god, that poor girl, getting essentially a buzz cut). I hope Erika remembers that. For her own good, on many levels.
I will be less sympathetic, however, if she through her own foolishness, gets herself in a position where she attracts the negative attention again. I'm sorry, teenager or not, moody or not, her survival depends on her being aware of who she is and where she is. She knows that.
As for mum, well, I have to wonder. Does she even care about her child at all? Surely, she can see the difference between Eric from last year, and Erika this year? Does she want her to be miserable?
Frankly, she's too worried about what 'others will say' and too little concerned about her child's health. I hope it doesn't come back later to bite her on the behind, but I couldn't say she wouldn't deserve it.
I certainly HOPE she didn't pick that church they went to deliberately; and to sit there and agree with them...
Despicable. Utterly despicable.
tricia's a cutter?
I've had girl friends who cut their hair drastically and badly after a traumatic experience, out of inwardly turned frustration + rage over jealousy or a breakup. Seemed like a good idea but regretted it later. Wonder if that's what Tricia did here.
But I just loved the reconciliation---so sweet!---and I'm wondering how I missed all these chapters between here and #39? No matter, I get to read them tonite! Love this story.
~~~hugs, laika
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
I've been trying to catch up with Erika's history
all the way back to Camp Cumoni days and, as usual in these cases, I haven't been commenting. I'll say right now that this is such a wonderful story and I love it dearly. I've been quite concerned with Erika's flirtation with Julian, and her losing sight of who truly knows her and loves her for who she is. Still, all the confusion is perfectly understandable for teenagers, especially for the newly-blossomed Erika. I'm very glad Erika seems to be coming to her senses. Even if she does not make any long-term commitments with Tricia, she should treat her friend as she deserves and let her know how she feels. If it turns out they are not ultimately right for each other then they should deal with that honestly.
I am concerned about Tricia's use of marijuana to dull her senses when things get rough, just as I would be if she drank for the same effect. That is a perilous path that leads more often than not to even greater despair.
SuZie
SuZie
Julian
Is he going to start spreading rumors about Erica?
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
phew !
they made up. but now she's gonna have to deal with Julian