Little Pink Pills

Part Sixteen, by Michelle Wilder

When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curl,
I float as the clouds on air do,
I enjoy being a girl!

(I Enjoy Being a Girl, by Lea Salonga)

(Revised and reposted)

----

"Whoever you want to be, we love you."

"I'm really scared, Mommy...." I ducked so I could put my chin on her arm. "If, if you... if you an' Dad-"

She shushed me and just hugged and rocked a while.

-

"I promise that your daddy and I will ~never~ stop loving you, okay?" She rocked and I tried to listen.

"Remember I said love can change?" She rocked. And kissed my ear.

"That's the only kind of love that doesn't change... ever."

----

Dad came at three to drive Mom to meet with Carson and her family for some before-meeting stuff at the school.

I must've looked something wrong, 'cause he came right over.

"What is it, honey?" He pulled me all close, like more than a sitting-down hug.

Feeling him like that, and how he was, I didn't even need to ask. Say.

Mom smiled like she knew, too.

-

Crying because I was too happy was one of the best things that had happened. Even if Dad didn't understand the same way Mom did.

----

Val came home from school about ten minutes after they left.

----

"Your hair's getting to be a nice length...." She pulled it all to one side.

I was sitting on the floor on a pile of pillows and she was behind me on the couch with her small purse brush.

"It's too long." I liked it, but it was.

"No it's not. Why is it too long?" She pulled it all straight back in one hand and wiggled my head while she did the ends.

"It stays wet too long 'cause I can't stand up to dry it...."

"Oh. Yeah, I hadn't thought of that.... Well, I'll dry it for you, and I know Mom would love to, too, so that's no reason any more."

She finger-combed it a bit at the top and then brushed more.

"And... ~Carson~ sure likes it like this...."

I had to laugh. "You can't use Carson liking something ~all~ the time!"

She laughed too. "No, but about ninety-nine percent of the time...."

She made a funny pull and then told me to sit up a bit. My hair stayed tight when she slipped out and sat beside me, facing me.

"That looks cute. Wait here a sec...." She scrambled up and ran upstairs.

I felt, and she'd put one of her elastics into a ponytail. Almost all my hair was up in it, which I'd never been able to do before. Well, I'd never tried one that high, either....

She bounced back downstairs with her mirror and a spritz bottle and some other stuff.

-

"You can't use plain elastics much or they wreck your hair...."

"You use-"

"Listen to your big sister."

-

"Don't mess it up! Here, look." She handed me the mirror and I held it about a yard away.

It looked like I had a really short haircut, or had it greased back. My cheeks and eyes and... I looked like Val, or Mom.

But I was so bony....

I didn't look the way I did before, at all.

-

I could hardly even see the scrunchie in the mirror, in front. And it was nice to have the hair out of my eyes.

----

"Because someone would stare at Carson and then nothing would get done, that's why."

Valerie kept painting, like it wasn't even something she had to think about. She only looked up after.

"You guys've already talked about it. I was there."

"It's still-"

"Carson's a ~BOY~ and ~HE~...."

-

"See?"

It was a dirty trick. And I didn't cry, I wasn't even close.

I practiced glaring at her. Again.

She put the little brush back in again and screwed it shut again and shook it, again.

"If it was Carruthers, you woulda, and you know it." She started on my last toe that she had to do all that shaking for. They looked stupid with the purple thingie, spread all out.

"It's a good thing I got to these before anyone outside the family saw them...."

"It's not like I could bend down!!"

----

"It's dry enough...." Val rolled up a clean sock and then carefully unrolled it up my foot.

"You still have to be a bit careful for the first hour, even when it's dry, 'cause it takes time to get really hard."

They weren't my socks. I didn't have any that color, or whatever fuzzy stuff they were. But they were really soft and my feet felt great. ~I~ felt great.

"They should be finishing around now, if everything went like they planned." She finished rolling the sock on my good foot. It felt wonderful, too.

She ran a finger under the top of the sock and folded it down to match and folded up a cuff on my jeans and placed my leg with the other one on the ottoman.

I wiggled my toes and looked at the socks. They were a nice color, and, as Val pointed out, they matched the flowers on Strawberry's dress. Like my toes, now. Like my nightie. Too. I should show her...

"I'm getting hungry." Val plopped down beside me and picked up my hand.

"Oh, gawd! These are almost as bad!"

"No they're not!"

"No... they're not, I guess..." She picked up her nail kit again.

"They still suck."

----

"Mom said they'd come back right after."

"Is everyone coming here?" Val looked around at all the stuff on the floor and all. She leaned over and got up. "I better straighten up a little...."

She'd brought down a shoe box with about a dozen bottles of polish and lotions and creams. And kinda a kit with the little nail tools and stuff, and her hair stuff... it was an armload.

My hands looked the same, but better nails, I had to admit. And they smelled nice. And were softer. She said it was a basic manicure.

"Now, if you just take a few minutes every day while I'm doing your hair, they can look that way all the time." Val plomped back down and took one to look at closer.

"You're lucky they aren't flatter or you'd have split a bunch of them, they were so ragged...." She smoothed her thumb over one nail. "They came out nice."

She held it after she looked.

"So, who do you think's coming?"

"Well, Brenda and Carson... and Jerri and their parents, I guess. Jerri was gonna come for sure...."

"Well, yah! You're her girl, girl! She adores you, you know." Val grinned at me.

"What?"

"Never mind." She grabbed my other hand and examined it. "Who else?"

"Um. Well, Jason and Cheryl and Heather were supposed to be there, about being in the club. Straight kids. They're who Brenda and Carse asked, but I dunno if they're coming. I don't think she said...."

"Did Jerri bring anyone?"

"Carson said she wasn't going to. She- she said she hasn't talked with any of her friends about anything like... well, gay or other stuff yet, and didn't know...." Jerri was worried about Carson, I knew, about telling kids her age.

"Jason...? I remember him, he's that goofball."

"No he's not, and Brenda and Carson trust him and they're all really helping with the club...."

Val let my hand go and I looked at it. I couldn't see what she was looking for. Or at.

"Hold it far away... yeah, like that. See, you can check how even your nails are, and if they're the right length for your fingers? Yours could be a little longer and they'd make your hands look just right, like balanced. See?" She held her hand up beside mine.

"We've got about the same length fingers, but your hand's wider, so longer nails will give it the same proportions. Or if you wore a brighter color polish or a French manicure, they'd look longer."

"I can't-"

"Orrrrr, you could just take care of them and let them grow a little."

"How come men don't do this, this way?"

"Men just look at their nails and miss the whole hand. We did your whole hand, moisturizer and all that, and if you wanna see how your nails look on your hand, you hold it out...."

-

"And keep using the clear stuff. It has a hardener and looks nice too."

----

"I bet someone screams!" Val made a movie scream. I laughed a mad scientist laugh.

"Or... right at ~the moment~... the LIGHTS go out!"

"There's a gunshot!"

"~Then~ a scream!"

"Then the lights go on... and... and ~Carson~ has a gun... and... an' she's looking at it... all confused...."

Valerie rolled around on the couch she was laughing so hard.

"An-n-n-n... an, and Car- Cr- Carruthers... says," she had to swallow.

"That's IT!!! De-TEN-shun for you, YOUNG LADY!!"

----

Valerie sat back down after redoing my ponytail. Or tails, this time.

"You need holding spray... your hair's too fine to stay neat for long...."

The front screen door clicked and whooshed and we knew they were home.

"Hide the evidence, kids!" Mom and Dad both came in and quickly shut the door, but didn't take their coats off. It felt like it was getting really cold out.

"We just wanted to let you know it all went well and Carson and the others should be here in a minute and we thought we'd pick up dinner for everyone.... Chinese from Shangri La sound good?"

Mom came over and smiled and kissed us both, so I knew it went well. Like she said. And they said they'd tell us all about it when they got back.

Then they both took off again right away.

"Who were those people?"

"Parents. They come, they go...." Valerie pulled the elastic out and left the scrunchie side in.

"I wonder if it's long enough for pigtails...?"

-

It wasn't. Val said it was, but it wasn't.

She said it was cute, but it was just stupid. I could feel it sticking almost straight out like an antenna. And she wouldn't let me look in the mirror.

-

A couple minutes later we heard laughing and car door-slamming, and loud complaining about cold and driving.

Carson knocked and opened the door and peeked.

"We're here!" She happy-smiled at us on the couch and opened the door all the way, and the rest tromped in after her. "Did your mom call? They said they were gonna get take-out."

We kinda told Carson while everyone huddled around and brrrr-ed and competed to get their stuff hung up except Jerri just threw it over the stair rail and ran in. Brenda called hi and Cheryl, Heather and Jason grinned at us and waved.

Jerri and Brenda were normal, even if Jerri was bouncing all over and almost pulling my arm off. But it was the first time anyone from my class except Brenda and Carson had been over all year, and they might have been normal, but I wasn't. Val kept her arm tight around me, like she knew.

Brenda finished second and fell into the armchair and pulled her feet up and grinned at me. "It went great, guys! Kewl hair! It's a new look for you, isn't it?" She laughed.

Val made a stupid noise and pulled the elastic out and mussed it all over. Out. Un-pigtailed. Then she looked at me more and laughed too.

"Symmetry... symmetry...." She reached around and pulled the scrunchie out, that after the braid and elastic felt like it wasn't even there. She finger-combed it, better, I guess.

Jason came in and said hi and sat in Dad's recliner and grinned at me, and then Cheryl and Heather sat on the smaller chairs, and ~they~ grinned at me. Heather waved, too.

Val let go and shifted way over and Carson kneed the ottoman over a bit and then wiggled down between us. Jerri just squished in tighter on my other side.

Kiss. Carson, not Jerri. Jerri just grinned and took my hand.

"Mom and Dad are gonna be a while, they wanted to talk with the schoolboard rep who was there," Carson mentioned as she wiggled in deeper, or me in closer.

Jerri whispered at the same time that she thought my socks were cute.

"Aren't they?" Val reached across Carson and poked my arm. "Told you!"

"I never said they weren't!" I'd just said I hadn't worn socks like them before. She laughed.

"They ~are~ nice." Carson wiggled. I looked up at her. She was smiling all over.

"Do you like them? Val said..."

"Not as cute as you." She kissed me again, a little peck.

"Oh, gawd! Hand me some insulin!" Val fake-whined.

"Well, they're yours...." I was making sure Carson was... there.

"No, they're ~yours~." When I looked, Val grinned. "I got them for you."

I didn't know what to say. Or think. Val smiled and patted my arm where she'd poked it. "You're welcome."

Jerri spazzed and sighed. And when I looked, she smiled like... well, like everything was going perfectly. She switched to Valerie for a second.

"That's her perfect color, too!"

From the girl who only wears black....

-

Jerri held my hand pretty hard while she examined my nice nails and Carson kept her arm around me, and between them, and Brenda and Val being about the same as they always were, I guess I... well, I got used to them.

Jason and Cheryl and Heather. Sitting there.

It was weird, but they were the same, I mean, like they always were, last year at school, and in the summer... except maybe smilier. Anyway, I almost relaxed.

Jason hadn't said anything, even when Carson put her arm around me. And kissed me. I relaxed even more when I thought of that.

"So tell! What happened!?"

Val wasn't relaxed, even though she was totally grinning. That started everyone off, all at once.

-

"Ohmigod, you should have seen this lady's face when Carson read her speech!"

"Oh, God, yeah! Carson, did you see her? She was... her eyes opened so wide I thought they were gonna do the pop-out thing!"

"And everything was in the papers, so she never even looked at them..."

"And, Jase, you asshole! Like you helped!"

"Yeah!"

"She just got there, right before.... maybe she just got them then."

"I never got to look at them all.... I know Carson's stuff's in there, is she too?"

"What?! Whadid I do?"

"Who?"

"She stared at ~everyone~ all the time and I thought she was totally rude to Carson."

"Oh, come on! Saying it was amazing ~Carson~ came out first? Carruthers almost had a fit and I bet if Mr. Lopez hadn't been there he would've thrown you out!"

"C'mon. That reading thing was so dramatic! Her ~mom~ was staring!"

"Oh, wow! I never connected! Oh, wow! Yeah... Ok. Peters, you're an idiot! What if Carruthers figured-"

"Ohh! Cute socks!"

"His ~parents~ were there, Sherlock!"

"Oh... yeah...."

"And, I'm sorry. I never thought, and I wouldn't have said that if I had. I think you're both cool and I didn't mean anything bad. Even?"

"I thought it was 'cause of Carson."

"She?"

"But everyone already thought so, anyway...."

-

"Quiet!!"

Valerie made them all shut up. Then she made Brenda tell what happened, by herself.

Then she made them all shut up again. This time Carson and Jerri too.

-

"Well..." Brenda said, and looked down at her hands.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...."

Jason and then all of them burst out laughing and Carson blushed.

And apparently, Carson had started her speech that way. Big joke, but she was as red as a beet.

-

"... and her dad stood up beside her when she read, and she read it ~very~ well!" Brenda smiled at Carson like grade two.

"And then Jason made that, that ~stupid~ joke!" Cheryl sounded mad. She glared at Jason.

"I was just surprised! I mean, ~Carson~!? C'mon!! No way!" Jason almost yelled.

I felt her stiffen up for the first time since she got there and I pulled my hand away from Jerri-

"I'm okay." She leaned way down and kissed me.

She was. I was, again. She smiled.

-

End of Part 16