Chapter VIII

 
 
 

     I wanted to check out a store up the street with women's underwear in its window, so I started walking that way looking in windows as I went. None inspired until I finally reached Francine's Intimates, when I saw that there was another store just beyond it with a beautiful dress in the window.

I looked at the sign, which read, ‘Annabella's: Elegance Remembered. Vintage and Consigned Classics.’

The window held what looked like a dress from the mid 1800's. I had to go in.

Inside there were all kinds of clothes, some in racks along the wall but many on display. Obviously it was a season for dresses, because most of those up front were ornate and beautiful gowns.

I must have been looking the other way when riding past here.

Off to one side, one woman was talking to another quietly. They looked busy, so I just started wandering around. I looked first at the dresses up front, which gave the women the time to see me. I just waved that I was in no hurry. I had time now, so I just wandered and looked.

There were dresses of every kind and I was fascinated to see some things that I'd only seen in movies and books. Most of them were more recent than the gowns up front but there was one section of clothes from what looked like the forties. I'd always loved those styles and I couldn't help but reach out to touch.

Some of them surprised me because a couple felt so rough and scratchy. Really scratchy. Others were even more toward the other extreme. One blouse was so silky smooth I could hardly pick it up.

Not paying attention, I almost wandered into the dressing area, which embarrassed me. It must have also caught the shopkeeper's eye, because someone was coming up behind me fast.

"Hi there. You get lost on the way to the vid…?"

I turned around.

"Oh, excuse me Miss, I'm sorry. I saw your jeans, and I assumed you were a…"

Behind her, the older woman, who I'd assumed was the one who worked there, was walking out the door. The thirty-something woman in front of me looked back at her departure and said "Damn."

She was looking at me now, not unpleasantly but not ecstatically either, as she said "Hi, I'm Anna. Do you need some help?"

"I'm sorry. Did that woman leave because of me?"

Anna shook her head. "God, no. She does that every week or so. She wants that dress over there but she expects me to alter it, deliver it, iron it, put it on her, and then write her a check." She laughed. "She's done it for as long as the shop's been opened. She'll be back when she realizes I won't budge. She can afford it easily; she just likes to play the game."

She smiled, which made me feel better.

"That's good. I thought she left because I was a…"

"What? Fashion challenged? Those jeans do make a statement. I thought you were…"

So much for not blushing as much.

Anna stopped and looked at me. "Oh my." She said softly.

I have no idea how long she looked at me, but it was a long time and not a second of it did anything to cool my face and neck.

When she spoke it was very kindly, motherly almost.

"You didn't come in here by accident did you?"

I shook my head.

"Ah. I see." She said and just looked at me some more before saying, "Would you like a drink of water?"

When I squeaked "No," it must have been pretty unconvincing, because she led me back to a water cooler anyway.

I drank.

"You know," she said to me. "if not for those jeans, I wouldn't have guessed."

I wanted to say thank you but I wasn't sure it was appropriate.

"So, what can I do for you, assuming I haven't scared you more than half to death. I'm Anna, again, by the way." She held out her hand.

"I'm Chris." I said back. "Thank you for the drink. I must have gotten a dry throat or something."

Anna nodded.

"I need a dress for school. I have one that I can use but, since I had some time, I wanted to look for one on my own."

"I see." She said. Then immediately she followed it with "No, I don't see… For school?" She looked really puzzled now. "The Winter Ball at Saint Andrew's?"

"You know?"

"Of course I know." She walked over to the counter, and pulled out a paper from a notebook, and read it. "Modern gowns are allowed but must be of formal length. No tea or shorter length dresses will be appropriate. Given the theme and the styles of music and dance, dresses more appropriate to the waltz era should be seriously considered as a first choice…" She looked at me. "Yada, yada, No leather, rubber, vinyl, or see through anything. We've known about it for weeks. Isn't it this Saturday? Day after tomorrow?"

"Yes, ma'am, Anna." I stumbled a little. " I already have a dress to wear but I thought I'd like to look at these."

She looked at me for several moments then.

"You are from Saint A's? " she asked.

I nodded.

She looked at me some more. "Are those real?"

I nodded again, and reached into the collar of the turtleneck, and slipped out the pendant necklace. It might help if she saw.

"Very pretty." She said. Then reached out to hold the pendant in her fingers and then to feel the weight of the chain.

I could only look at her silently.

She just lowered the pendant softly and looked right back.

I guess you can only take so much on any given day. I knew this kind of thing was bound to happen, but I was feeling like I just wanted to go.

"Excuse me, ma'am. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll just get out of your way."

Her hand was on my shoulder.

"You don't have to do that. I've just never had a, well a boy as young as you, in here. The forties fashions are pretty popular with the guys" She smiled and shrugged. "Besides, the dance is in two days. You are out of time already." She sighed and then looked at me in a whole different way.

"I can tell you've worn makeup before but, if I'm not mistaken, you have never been to a formal dance in a dress." She didn't smile. " Have you?"

I shook my head.

"Do you know what size you are?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, God. You aren't going to get me in trouble here, are you?"

I shook my head. "I've worn skirts at the school before. I helped to teach the guys how to dance."

She looked funny at that but said, "Come on over here for a mo'."

I walked meekly behind her as she headed over to the little counter.

"Here, give me those. Chris, is it?" I nodded and let her take the bag, which she tucked under the counter somewhere.

"Okay, hold your arms like this, sweetie and let me check a few things.

She spent a couple of minutes running a tape over various parts of my body.

"How old are you?" she asked suddenly.

"I turned sixteen in November."

"You are so lucky you look so young.” She made small-talk as she measured. “I had a cousin who used to get so upset because folks thought he was so much younger than he was but I can tell you that girls about five years older than you really like that and those ten years older than you spend billions every year trying to get it back." She started pulling my shirt out, and I had to help her, before she ran the tape around my middle again.

"Cheese and crackers, you'd be small for a girl your age." She stopped to look at me again.

"I'm sorry, if…"

She waved my apology away. "Don't be silly. I thought only smart kids went to that school. That's a good thing that you are so small. A very good thing."

I sighed and said. "I didn't know. Some of us kids just have a lot of money."

Anna laughed like it was really funny.

"So you have a lot of money. Great, 'cause the dresses like you want are mostly so beat up they’re only good for museums and the ones that still look nice enough to wear cost an arm and a leg."

I felt a little embarrassed and unconsciously felt the pendant hanging at my throat as I looked down at the floor.

She chortled a little. "Point taken, Chris. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. Can I take it that, if I can find something really nice, I don't have to worry about money? Please say yes. Please say yes."

I couldn't help but grin. "It's Okay."

"Well all right then. I suppose the worst thing that can happen is your mother makes you bring the dress back. I'll try not to jump up and down, if you promise not to faint if I actually have something that fits the bill. Kindly follow me, Miss Chris." She grinned and I followed like I was told.

"As I was saying, it's really very good that you are tiny. It monumentally increases the risk of other woman wanting to kill you when they see how cute you are going to be, but what most people don't fully realize is that women were much smaller, even seventy years ago, than they are now. Much smaller.

She walked right past the rack and into the back room.

I hesitated at the door causing her to look back and hurry me on.

"Come on, Little Miss. We need you for this. Now can you tell me what you are wearing underneath?"

I flushed a little again. "Aaahm. Pan--"

"Panties?" She asked, smiling.

I nodded. Again.

"Don't be shy, Chris. I'm going to help you if I can and I wear panties every day. Is that all you have on for under things?" She asked, trying to make nothing of it.

"I have a t-shirt too."

"Great. You go in there." She pointed out the dressing area, which looked like an open hall from back here.

"I'll be right back. Hurry now."

I walked into one of the changing rooms and drew the curtain. I was surprised that it had a small plant and a round rug under a nice chair, as well as several mirrors. I began to slip off my shoes.

"Are you shy, Chris?" She asked from the other side of the curtain.

"Yes." I said, sorry that it was so true.

"Funny, but me too. I hate going to the doctor but I'm going to have to help you a little. Here." She handed a package, which looked a lot like the slips I already had, past the curtain.

"Thank you." I said.

"When you need help you tell me, Okay?"

"I will."

"When you have that on and your panties, just come out here to the back room where the carpet is. I'll be right here."

I spent the time that I needed to take out the makeup too. The first thing I did was to put on another thick coat of mascara, followed by just a little more of the face powder. I hesitated to put on the lipstick in place of the gloss, because of the dresses, but I did.

I looked around and I realized that although the lights hung down only a couple of feet above our heads, there was actually another level of racks much higher up.

"Anna?"

"Right over here, Chris." She walked around the end of one rack, pulling a smaller rack on wheels with several dresses on it. "Because time is so short, I'll do most of the picking at first. I've seen all of these in the last week because most of the girls who came in here have looked them over."

"They already picked them over?"

Anna laughed. "Well they tried. The fact is that they are too small for most of the girls nowadays and that's also a good thing for you. If I get something that's a size six or, god help us, an eight, like the dresses out front, eighty percent of the time they are in much worse condition. They get worn. The smaller the better, believe me. Now a size four is pretty rare now, so those few we have…, here you are!" She said from somewhere back there. "… are usually pretty darned nice."

She came toward me. Some of the things were just on hangers but most were in garment bags..

As soon as she came into the light and saw me, she said "Wow. Very nice, Chris. Hair? For the dance? Any plans?"

She took a couple of seconds at the rack, while I ran and got the picture in my purse.

She held it up beside my face and nodded.

"Very nice. I like the reddish color and the highlights. Now I want you to trust me a little. You said the dress you have is blue? How blue?"

"It's a really dark royal blue in a velvet like material. It catches the light."

"Yes, that would be good, especially when your hair has some color. Any trim or accents?"

"Not really.”

She smiled. "Can I assume it's one of the dresses in the drama department?"

I felt funny admitting it but I nodded.

"I thought so. You see, I've worked on lots of the dresses up at the school and the shop here even sold many of them."

My eyes must have widened a little.

Anna continued "My mother did too, before me. She told me that, in the old days, when they put on a play up at Saint Andrew's, there were as many female parts as there were male. Now they have one or two 'girls' but in the old days, it was just more expected."

"I know." I said softly, as she began to unhook the first dress from its hanger.

"Anyway, I was just wondering what kind of thing you were thinking about, because I wanted to know more of what you like. I think, if I check the rack by the door, I may have just gotten in a very pretty dress that's in a similar dark blue color but in silk."

"Really?" I asked her, surprised.

"Really. I only took it from the woman who came in with it, because I thought it would look good in the window for a few weeks but I also thought it was too small and expensive ever to sell. It belonged to a woman who used to work on the stage in New York and she had several of them that were put into really good storage by the company that produced the musical she was in."

"Do you want me to try it on?" I asked, feeling a little apprehensive.

"Not yet. This is my size four." She pulled out a green colored gown. "I want to check your size. It’s faster than trying to convert measurements to various sizes. Hands up."

I held my hands up, and she dropped the green dress over my arms and head.

"I don't like…" I tried to say as I turned toward the mirror.

"Neither do I. Shhhh!"

She was measuring again., and pulling the loose parts of the gown looser, then tighter. Then she did the same all over again.

"I can measure you with a tape but measuring some of these old dresses can be a nightmare. I already know which ones kind of fit like each of these. You have a nice waist and you actually have good hips but the top is problem."

She shook her head, unzipped it, and said, "Drop it to the floor and step out Chris."

She swept it up immediately and put it on a hanger.

"Okay, I have this and it's one of the expensive ones, so we need to be very careful." She unzipped one of the garment bags, and drew out a cream-colored gown, almost a yellow, the color was so rich. It was very pretty.

"Now, I want to look at this. It's one of the nicest we have but it has two problems. Your choice of a darker color was a better one for so late in the season and your colors. It doesn't get much attention, except for one girl, who bought another one that fit better. Oh, and this one would need a very heavy petticoat or even a small hooped skirt, but the top is much smaller than most of the others. I think it was made for a much younger girl who was tall, really."

She turned to me and grinned. "So. Stick 'em up."

It was pretty but she was right it looked too much like Spring. It was really pretty though. I turned to look in the large mirror. I looked like an extra from ‘Gone With The Wind’.

I couldn't keep my eyes off the mirror for several moments until I realized that Anna was looking more at my face than at the dress from where she knelt pulling the skirt into shape.

"Aaahm." I said, cleverly. "You said that your mother used to do this too?"

"Only after she retired. She used to be a pattern maker when we lived in New York. Do you know what that is?"

I had to shake my head and try to keep my eyes off of the mirror.

"If you have a Spring formal, like the Winter one, I'm saving this for you, because it's a perfect fit."

Even I could see that it fit like it had been made for me.

"Okay. Drop it and please try not to step on the skirt. Where was I…? Oh. A pattern maker is someone who can turn a sketch or a picture into a real dress or alter one to suit. They take the idea and make it a real garment. You know…"

She began to wave her hands and speak in a silly peevish French accent.

"Ma Chris. Zis iz all wrong. The fabric should drape and flow in ze exaggerated way that I am moving my arms. Za skirt is on upside down, and ze front should be in ze back. Make it práªt -T."

I was laughing so much, I was afraid I would step on the dress.

"You get the idea. Mom could see something once and make it. She also used to make garments for theater companies and such. When she’d had enough, we moved up here to New England, where she did much the same thing, but under a lot less stress. Custom clothes, and old clothes, alterations. She left the store to my sister and me."

She took the dress, and said "Okay, I'll be right back.

She was back in a few minutes, carrying another bag:

"This just came back from the cleaners and I wanted to check it but I never got the chance. They didn't want to touch it at first but I've done a lot of business there and they did me a favor."

"They didn't want to touch it? Why" I asked, but she just smiled at me as she hung the bag on the rack, before stripping it.

I could only stare. The dress was a royal blue and I could tell it was a silk because, wherever the light hit it, it seemed to change colors from an almost metallic sky blue, to a rich midnight hue. It had much more color than the velvet. It was beautiful.

"Oh, my." I heard myself say.

"Exactly." She said. "Fortunately it was actually crated and stored in some expensive storage places down in New York because they were planning on doing the play on the road but it never happened.”

"What do you call this?" I said moving closer.

"You can touch it." She smiled at me, and ran her hand over the front to show me that it was indeed possible. The fabric had a rich texture that made it silky smooth to rub your hand side to side, but much rougher to do so up and down.

"What do they call this?" I asked again, not taking my eyes off the dress.

"The woman who owns it described it as a silk georgette and gauze over crepe de chine. I don't think that's a georgette style because the skirt is too full. The gauze is unusual too, because usually they make it a whole separate layer that's just lays loosely over the skirt, but in this one it's been tacked to the heavier silk of the skirt about two thirds of the way down."

"And here?" I asked looking at the detail on the bodice.

"That's the unusual part. The majority of the pattern is a pretty standard silk embroidery. Nice to be sure but not that unusual. The amazing part is that if you look here. This little floral motif has been hand painted onto the fabric. I've see it only a few times before and I think someone told me it was common in Europe at one time. Amazing."

She was looking at the dress, just as I was.

She turned to me and smiled. "You ready?"

I wanted to shout heck yeah!

Anna giggled.

"But I'm…"

"Listen, Chris. This dress was made to be worn. It probably has not been for almost fifty years. Don't forget too, that silk is tough. The Samurai used to make armor out of it."

"How much."

"Well the woman wanted over two thousand dollars for it. She thought that because some actress no one remembers wore it that it is worth a lot. She's probably right, so I told her that she should pack it off to one of those museums for such memorabilia and wait for someone to make an offer."

She lifted the dress, and said. "Go stand on the carpet."

Somehow I felt very nervous.

"Now don't' get too excited. No one's tried it on and I can't even be sure how it might fit and for heaven's sake, watch the makeup."

I nodded that I would.

She slipped it over my head. It was even more lovely than it had promised to be.

Anna had to take my shoulders and move them gently from side to side, to let us both see how the light played on the gown. I was frozen in place.

"Wow." she said softly.

I realized that my eyes were bigger than normal when I nodded my head, and closed my mouth.

"Okay, Cross your fingers. Here goes…"

She tried to zip the dress, but after three gentle tugs she said "Damn." with as much feeling as I'd yet heard.

I felt like crying. "The zipper's broken?" I practically begged for it not to be so.

"No, but it's an old metal zipper, and it's a little, Oh I don't know. Not rusted, but it has that grey rough stuff all over it that makes it not want to slide. It will go. Hang on, I have an idea."

"Oxidized." I said.

She hurried over to a table, where some things were piled and said. "Ah. Thread wax!"

She went behind me and said. "Hold still.”

She began tugging again and I heard the zipper move.

"Okay. Cross your toes too this time." She said as it slid to the top.

"The waist is a little tight but its really good that it closes." She said quickly. "You might do with something to smooth your tummy."

She began the tugging thing again, and mumbled for several moments as she ran her hands here and there, before she walked back over to the little table again.

She came back with three books that looked like old ledgers. "Here she said, placing three on the floor in front of me and indicating that I should step on them.

She spent several moments playing with the skirt before saying. "No, step off." I drifted back, while she removed one book and then gestured for me to get back on.

"Better" She said, this time. "You need a little heel to keep the dress just off the floor. About two inches would do it, but you'd have to make sure they were comfortable because this thing will get heavy."

She stood back and looked and I held my breath.

"It's good. The only problem is here." She stepped to me, and gently slipped her hand palm out into the top front of the bodice. "Some dresses I can take up, but not this. It's not that bad but it is noticeable."

I felt crushed and it must have showed.

"Don't worry. I've got lots of tricks and a few aces up my sleeve."

She stepped to the door that I took to be the delivery area, leaned in, and called loudly. "Oh, Fancy Fanny? I need you!"

I heard someone on the other side before I saw the same woman walk through the door… Twins.

"Anna, how many time must I ask you not to call me Fanny…?" She saw me and said. "I didn't know you had a customer. Oh my God." She stopped to look at me.

"Where did that come from? Is that the dress you told me about?" The new one?" asked Anna.

"That's it. Chris here just wandered into the shop look to look for a dress to go to a ball.”

The new one just shook her head at Anna, who then smiled at me and said. "Chris, this is Sally, My baby sister. She runs the lingerie side."

"Baby sister. Right! By all of three minutes." She smiled and held out her hand blindly as she leaned to touch the skirt before she stood up to smile at my expression. "No, we are not twins. I was adopted. Please God, I was adopted!" She continued to smile.

Anna smiled too. "Stop that will you. I need your help."

Anna slipped her hand back into the top hem of the bodice again, and showed Sally what she was worried about. What followed was a conversation between them in no known language, during which they examined the dress all over, unzipped it and looked at the back, and then began looking all over again.

It sounded like a pair of some New Guinea tribesman speaking in a series of clicks and hums and grunts. At least until Anna stood up, and looked at me, before she asked Sally, "Well?"

"You can't pad the shoulders or take it in at the back?" Sally asked her in response

"Only if I drank a lot more, and had about a month." She sighed "No way I'd even touch it anywhere else."

"Okay." Sally said. "Help me get her out of it."

Anna looked at me for a moment. I was so amazed by them, that I didn't even get it when she arched her eyebrows.

Anna spoke. "Chris, she's going to find out when she helps you."

Anna grunted and I nodded, before turning to look at Sally the younger.

"Him." Anna said. "Or mostly him. It's hard to tell."

Sally just looked at her, then me, and then back at her.

"No kidding?" She finally said. "Wow."

Soon I felt like I was in a phone booth with three other people. They pulled the dress off me, though and the feeling became one of being more naked than I'd ever been even though I was covered from shoulders to ankles by the slip.

Sally took the tape and began measuring all over again.

"So. You two are sisters?" I asked weakly.

Both laughed.

"I'll be right back." Sally said.

Anna, grinning, dragged me to the dressing area.

Then, Sally said "Here," and handed me a garment through the only partially closed curtain. "Oh! Take off the slip."

She made no attempt to close the curtain but stood there watching me somewhere about my middle.

"Do you need help? Chris, right?" She asked as Anna came back through smiling at me on her way past.

"No, ma'am"

"If you like, you can call Anna, ma'am, and me Sally. She be really old."

Noises came over the partition from the back room.

"Here,” she said again

"Now step into this." She held the black garment just above the floor, and waited for me to put my hand on her shoulder and step in.

"Is that a bustier?" I asked.

"A girdle." She looked up at me, surprised at my ignorance at first, but then smiled a little. "It's called a body briefer, now watch. You get it straight on your thighs... and then you pull... ugmph, it up to the bust." She said, doing it, and nearly lifting my feet off the floor.

It was tight but not uncomfortably so. "This will smooth your tummy a little, which will put more of the weight on your hips and give us someplace to work."

She then surprised me by pulling out a pair of fake boob gel silicone type things, and began to work them into the top of the body thing. My posture went a lot stiffer as I shied away but I didn't think she noticed until she said "Relax. I'm not going to hurt you, you silly thing."

"Okay, come on." She said and led me to the back area again, where they both held up the dress to slip it on.

"Oh, there. That's much better." Anna said to Sally, and then looked at me in the mirror.

"What's wrong, Chris?" Anna asked frowning.

I felt myself blushed furiously and shook my head. I'd crossed my arms over my shoulder and chest before I realized I had.

"You don't need to be shy. Lots of guys like…" Sally started to say.

"No," Anna said to her sister. "he's been fine."

She looked for a minute and I tried not to look at the floor. The dress looked amazing.

"Chris, I can't fix it if you won't tell me." Anna urged..

"I'm Okay. It's just…"

"Just what?" She coaxed.

"There are..." I touched the larger bust line of the bodice with my hands and tried to explain. "Things."

"Gel pads. They will warm up in about a minute." Sally told me, shaking her head.

I didn't say anything, just blushed.

"Does that bother you?" Anna asked.

I nodded and blushed a lot more, before I could talk. "I'm sorry. I just don't…" I took a breath and tried to make some sense. "It makes me feel really uncomfortable."

Anna and her sister looked at each other for several moments before they looked back at me. I thought they might be confused but, when they looked back, Sally's expression was blank, and Anna's was more of sympathy.

Sally kind of mumbled. "I'm sorry. When you got all nervous like that, I just thought…" She might even have blushed. "I mean we have men come in sometimes…"

She might have blushed, but I certainly was. "No ma'am. I know… about how some guys feel. It's not like that with me. I just want to go to the dance."

Sally looked at both of us. "Anna, would you." She gestured to me. "I'll be right back,” she said while she walked back through the door between the shops.

Anna came close to unzip the top of the dress, and quietly said "Hold still."

She slipped her hand into the top, and pulled the prosthetics out. I couldn't help but shiver when she did.

"It's Okay, Chris. She just didn't realize."

"Its not anyone's fault but mine." I told her. "I'm sorry, Anna. I know you must think I'm nuts but it just feels so weird that it makes me squeamish. I'll get changed. I didn't mean to be so much trouble."

"What?" Anna frowned. "Chris this is just what we do. You haven't been any trouble." She sighed. "It's not unusual that when a girl starts go grow, you know ... well, sometimes they have a hard time with it. For some they feel like their body is out of control and for others they just feel like people are going to be staring at them all the time." She looked toward heaven for a second. "The second is unfortunately true."

We both smiled a little, me in apology, and her in sympathy, as she continued, "The truth is, that most of the time when we use them, it's for someone who already has a body image they are used to. Not to put something there that they never had. Even then, most women are uncomfortable with it at first. We both understand."

I thanked her. "You are very nice to understand."

"Chris. My mother and I used to dress models for fashion shows. This is nothing in comparison. Nothing." She told me earnestly

I nodded. "I'm sorry. I know you are just trying to make the dress fit, and it's not your fault that it felt like someone dropped a mouse down my shirt." I tried to smile and she did.

"Eeewh." She said, and looked toward the door.

I asked, "Can you do anything?"

Sally came in, walking toward me with a package instead of a box this time. "Sorry, Chris. I just didn't realize. Here, look at these." She handed me a thin, fabric covered, foam pad of some kind. "We use these to help fit things, or to make one side different…"

She smiled when I frowned.

"Yes that does happen, often, and they are just for fitting. They attach inside the dress directly too, but if you wear any kind of cup, we need to have something."

"Okay." I told her. They seemed just like some of the pads I'd seen in women's clothes before.

"May I." She asked and I nodded to show that I wasn’t uncomfortable with her.

Several minutes of tugging, even having Anna unzip the dress and pulling the front down to check the construction. Then they zipped me up, and stood back.

"Well?" Sally asked, Anna. At first I thought they were asking me what I thought but I might have been a mannequin.

Anna was just staring at the dress, rubbing her lips with an index finger.

"I can do it, I think. There's a little material that can take darts along side the zipper. A generous seam allowance isn't unusual for something that's worn as a costume."

Then she looked at me.

"I may need to tack in a layer or two of material, right in here, though, just to hold the pads and such." She spread her fingers and moved her hand in the air from shoulder to shoulder. "Is that all right?"

"I trust you."

Then Sally asked the same question all the adults did, if only with their eyes. "Chris, I have to ask, why are you doing this?"

"I don't really know. I'd like to go to the dance I suppose. I helped to teach the other guys, so I'd really like to be there."

"Are you going to dance with the boys or the girls?" Sally asked.

"Oh god, Fanny!" Anna said.

"What?!" She snapped back.

"What difference does it make? As long as he looks nice, does it matter?"

"No. I just..." Sally shrugged.

I probably should have stood mute but I said. "Both. Mostly the girls, I hope, but if one of the boys asks me, I'll dance with them."

"Really?" They both said in unison.

"Of course." I answered, not thinking it was something they should look so surprised about.

It turned out that Sally's store had all of the things I needed, which she gave me at less than the marked price. Eleven hundred dollars later, including another blouse and skirt, a pair of soft pyjamas, a promise to be back tomorrow and I was on the way back to the school.

 
 

 
 

     As soon as I got back to my room, I called Miss Lynn but she was too busy with boys who needed more practice, so I called Miss Lindsey to let her know I was back for the day. She told me that several of the governors had decided to attend. She sounded about as happy about it as I felt.

Across the grounds you could see the lights of the reception hall burning and people moving. I hoped that they weren't having too much difficulty.

I watched Ivanhoe on TV because I've always thought that Elizabeth Taylor, who played Rebecca, is one of the most beautiful women ever.

Around eleven, after almost everyone was in their rooms, I walked down to fill out another slip about needing more shopping and perhaps seeing a movie.

For a while, I did a few things like clean off my ears with the disinfectant, and try on the pyjamas, which were very nice but I was feeling too tired to do much more than crawl into bed, and wait for Saturday.

 
 

 
 

     After getting up on Friday, I half expected that my father would call but he never did. It was very early, so I made it to the dining room as soon as it opened. One of the ladies was looking at me a little oddly but other than saying good morning, she seemed too busy to take much notice of any changes that might be visible.

I was in a cubicle in the library before most of the guys hit the halls, which was just the way I wanted it. Everyone knew right where I was but everyone left me alone because I was working. I’d learned long ago that the best way to make thing go fast and easy was just to work hard on them, so I managed to complete the rest of the assignments that were listed under my courses. Around noon when I sat back and stretched, it was with a very real sense of freedom, and accomplishment.

Checking my inbox, I found a note from Miss Lindsey, telling me that I was approved, but not to forget to stop by the office, so, confirming the time, I logged out.

Everyone else was at lunch or in class when I headed back to my room. I decided on the same coat, which I'd found was plenty warm, and then looked for a knit hat that I could pull down all the way over my ears. No sooner had I found one, than I heard a chirp from my phone where it sat in the charger.

It was the office number, which was both a relief and a worry.

"Hello." I asked a little tentatively.

"Chris?" Miss Lindsey said. "It's me. I'm just checking your phone."

"Oh. Hello, ma'am."

"Is your phone well charged?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am, I always leave it in the charger."

"Okay. You don't need to bother to come by. If you go straight to the bus stop, you can catch the one that comes by in fifteen minutes if you want."

"Thank you, ma'am. I was just coming down, because I was hoping to leave early." I explained.

"Hang on…"

I could hear Mrs. Pierce in the background "Is that the caterer? Oh? Well tell him to call if he has any problem and then I need you to get the caterer on the phone. Tell her that we do indeed have several European students attending Saint Andrew's, but that does not entitle them to be served wine at their tables. Tell her that if she'll identify the particular royal in question, I'll give her first crack at catering his wake. Got it?"

"Chris?" I heard more loudly. "I'm sure you heard. I'll log you out here. Be careful and call us if you need anything and, if you're going to be later than about nine, let me know."

"Thank you, Miss Lindsay. I will."

"You’re welcome, Chris."

The line went dead, and I pulled the hat on, and headed for the door.

 
 

 
 

     To my surprise, two of the other guys were at the bus stop already. I didn't know them very well, so when they sat together in a seat, I was happy to find one of my own.

Anna was busy when I got to her shop, so I spent a few minutes looking around before I wandered into a dressing room to put on some mascara and gloss.

"Chris? Are you in here?" She called.

"Yes, ma'am." I called out, causing her to step to the curtain, which I pulled aside.

"Oh!" She seemed happy to see me, but busy. "There you are. I thought you might have found something else you liked."

"No, I was just using the mirror and waiting for you to have a few moments free."

"Not much of a shopper, Chris?"

I blushed, a little. "No ma'am." I just shrugged.

Anna laughed and startled me a little.

"I know what you mean but, with me, it's because I'm digging around here all the time. I just let Sally do the shopping. She buys more than enough stuff for the two of us." She rolled her eyes. "Come on."

Once we were back in the work area. I saw the dress on a dummy.

Anna explained. "I finished it last night. Did you bring the under things?"

I felt like such an idiot. I never even thought to bring them; I'd been so pleased that everything was going so well.

Anna just smirked at me and shook her head. "God help me." She said but smiled. "You weren't a scholarship student, I'm guessing."

I could only shake my head and smile apologetically..

"Dressing room. I'll be right back."

 
 

 
 

     "Darn it! Hold this while I get the wax."

I held the front of the dress, and felt her tugging gently several more times before she actually went to the worktable for the wax.

"If you want, I'll replace this zipper, but I think it just needs to be worked a little… there." Her hand rose to the top. "It happens with stage stuff, sometimes. They get changing as fast as they can, and someone jerks the zipper. It's probably just a bent tooth…"

She didn't tug or anything this time. She worked the zipper from top to bottom several times, before she finally zipped it up again, and she just stopped and looked -- obviously very pleased with it herself.

"It's perfect." I whispered.

After several minutes of turning a little from side to side, I stepped down to face her. "Anna. I don't know how I'll ever thank you enough."

"Well, you already did that. Between you and two of the other girls, you guys made my week. Not to mention the extra lingerie I just sold for my sister." She grinned and I did too.

I dressed while watching her carefully pack up the dress.

"You are off to the Palace?" She asked. "Did you find shoes?"

"No. I forgot the shoes. I’ll have to find some.” I said realizing I had more to do. “I'm supposed to call The Palace to find out exactly when, but yes, soon I hope."

Anna was leaning on the form now watching me. "Listen Chris. Over on the wall by the register, I have the clothes that are more recent. Why don't you pick something out to wear to get your hair done."

It gave me pause. "I don't think I should. I know it sounds silly but I promised a friend that I wouldn't wear any girls clothes when I was in town alone."

She just looked at me for several moments. "You've done that?"

"I've only worn them when I was with her."

"Chris, I probably shouldn't butt in, because I understand that your friend is just trying to keep you safe. That is the most important thing. I want to suggest, though, that it might be better if you wore girl’s clothes this time. You are going to the beauty parlor, and you already have makeup on. I think it makes more sense not to wear your old clothes. Even if you take the makeup off, you’ll still have your hair done."

She was right. I had just wanted to see the dress on with me looking more like I should. I could get away with a little mascara and even more while shopping for dresses. The more I did, however, the poorer the idea of walking around the town in my old jeans and shirt. I just didn't want to do something that I told Miss Lynn I wouldn't.

Anna quietly ended. "I think your friend would understand. She can even call me if she doesn't."

I looked in the mirror. I didn't like it but I knew she was right. I was sure Miss Lynn would be more upset if I got into trouble.

"If you decide that's what you want to do, I have some things that would look very nice. I'd like to give them to you as a gift, not only because I appreciate your coming to me for the dress, but more because I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. If you like, I'd even be happy to walk you down to The Palace, if that's the problem. Sally can watch the place for a couple minutes"

"Okay." I agreed.

"Good. Hang on right there."

I felt funny, and wondered what she'd bring but about a minute later she handed me a pair of black jeans and a white top. She was also holding a pink sweater.

"I can't take so much. I'll pay you for them."

"Yes, you can. Go ahead and change." She smiled, and pushed the sweater in my hands before she pushed me back toward the changing area before heading herself to parts unknown.

"These look new." I said, changing as fast as I could because of the forgotten shoes.

"Fat clothes!" Anna called from somewhere near the back.

"I'm sorry?" I called over the partition.

"Lady I know. Her daughter gained weight right before her winter vacation. When she came in we swapped some stuff."

"Fat clothes." I said to myself. 'Got it.'

I didn't change the under things and the view standing back from the mirror in the work area was much different than the smaller one in the dressing room. In there I could see the clothes. Out here I could see me.

That's where Anna found me when she walked back in. Suddenly I felt a little embarrassed to be staring so I turned toward her.

"Anna, did you see my shoes? Oh." I finished, as she handed my old loafers to me abruptly.

"Marks and Son's, right around the corner. I gave them your size and the girl there is already looking for what you need. Nothing lower than a two-inch heel. Will you be able to do that?"

"Yes. I wore a little heel when I was dancing with the guys because I'm so short." I bent to slip on the shoes.

Anna laughed again. "Assuming I ever see you again, after tomorrow, you really need to explain that to me."

'I will." I promised, standing up and looking at the dress.

"Don't worry about that now. You can't carry it around with you. When you get finished with The Palace, just come back here, and Sally and I will give you a ride back up the road."

"Thank you, ma'am, but I could never impo --"

"Nonsense. You can't get this thing on the bus and it's right on our way. Besides, our old car will probably get you only half way, anyway."

"Ma'am, I…"

"Yes you can. You might also want to wear the shoes that you get, to help break them in. Wearing new shoes like that to a dance is something I only ever did once. Either way, you can drop a pair off by here before you go to The Palace, if you want. I'll keep an eye on them."

"Ma'am I don't know what to say."

"I do. Give me the card before Sally kills me, and you have to walk home!" She grinned.

Less than a minute later she handed it back and I signed.

"Hurry, now. Left out the door and around the corner. Hope is the girl you are looking for. She's really the sweetest thing." She grinned.

"Ma'am, thank you, for everything."

She caught me by he elbow. "No. Thank you, Chris. We do Okay here, but my commission on that dress will probably fix our car, so we really appreciate you too."

I nodded, and headed out feeling a little better. I’d felt bad for spending so much, but the thought that I might actually have helped was a much nicer feeling.

 
 

 
 

     "You Chris?" A girl said at my shoulder. The store had been empty when I came in. I jumped a little, again, which was really starting to annoy me.

I jumped a foot more when I saw her. Sweet Hope, was a Goth girl, spiked hair, spiked collar, and piercings everywhere. It just startled me, but I think she didn't notice.

"Here. Anna called me. Slip these over your own stockings, and try the this pair on… Are you sure of your size?" She said scooping up my old shoe that fell off when she practically pushed me into the chair.

"These are stretched. I'm going to measure you…"

If you had to shop, I suppose this was the way to do it. Hope gave me two nice pairs to choose from that were comfortable and looked nice. I wore the pair she chose for me out of the store. Six minutes, maybe seven. I liked it.

 
 

 
 

     The guys from school who had been on the bus had gone on to the mall, so I didn't worry too much about being seen but as I walked back toward Annabelle's in the heels, I felt the strangeness in every fiber of my being. It was different walking around like this. Fortunately, it was only a short walk and I had to pay some attention to the phone, so I didn’t feel too out of place.

"Hi, I'm Chris Morgan, I am…"

"Hi Chris, It's Rachel. We met yesterday. Hang on…"

I heard someone pick up the phone. "… It's supposed to do that. Just rinse it out… Chris?"

I recognized Jessie.

"Yes, ma… It's me, Jessie, Chris."

"Look, calling me ma'am on a day like today is going to have me beating you up instead of some upperclassman. Jessie, or Goddess Divine, Chris."

I was sure she was grinning. "If it's too early, ma'am."

"No! I mean it's hectic. Some lady's hair just fell out, and another one we set on fire, not anything grafts can't fix, but impressive nonetheless until we got her out! Where are you?"

"I'm right up the street, in front of Annabelle's"

"Great! For some reason, I've had a cancellation…" she started to laugh, and I did something like that. "God, that sounds too bad. I'm really just ahead of schedule, Chris. Come in as soon as you can. The coast is clear and it will give us time to work. Can you come now?"

"I'm on my way."

I handed the old shoes to Anna through her door where she was waiting for me. I didn't look back, but I'm sure I felt her watch me the whole block and a half.

I pushed the door to the Style Palace, and the first thing I noticed was that the women there didn't seem to pay any attention this time. Most just glanced and didn't look back.

Rachel smiled and opened her mouth, but Jessie beat her to it..

"Oh, thank the gods for something going right. Thank you, so much, for coming in early, Chris."

I was quite sure she was looking, because she said this while bent sideways at the middle to look at me.

"Very nice. New clothes?" She said approvingly, or so I thought, and grinned before continuing more loudly “I want to compliment you for wearing such a lovely new white blouse and pink sweater to get your hair dyed. Mindy!" She called just above the din.

"Yes, O Goddess Divine?"

Several of the women laughed.

"I deserved that, and it will be reflected in your Christmas bonuses."

"You don't give us a Christmas--"

"Yeah, whatever. Trauma Room One and, for the love of god, bring a smock - one of the nice long really hot ones with the plastic!"

Trauma Room One, it turned out, was just a chair in the far back corner with a curtain that would pull around it, but the feel was almost like an emergency room.

 
 

 
 

     Anna's car turned out to be an old Volvo Wagon, which she used to haul things like my dress.

"I can't get over how pretty it is." Sally said for the tenth time. "They really did a nice job on the cut."

It was dark now or she'd be going on about the color too.

"I thought the color was amazing." Anna said. “It's going to look so pretty against the blue silk. If they take pictures, you have to get me one for the shop, Chris."

"I will." I promised, only for the third time thinking that any pictures they took of me would probably have numbers under them and a really nice side view.

There were more kids in their rooms than on the Friday nights recently past because some of them had stayed for the dance. Most were still gone overnight, though, and planning on coming back tomorrow afternoon.

Across the grounds, I could see the Crystal Hall was lit fully now, the bottoms of the chandeliers just visible through the large sets of French doors that lined each side. It was only the second time I'd seen it lit like that and it reminded me of one of the great palaces of Europe in the movies.

I gave directions as she coasted to the end of the drive. "To the left, ma'am. I can go in the door at the end of my wing. Just over there" I said pointing, while pulling the cardkey out of the purse.

"Good luck, Chris." She said as she draped the garment bag over my shoulder. It was heavy.

At the top of the stairs I heard my next-door neighbor, Jacob, call out.

"Chris?"

"No." I said, turning the key in my door, and trying to sound really bored.

"Oh, Man. We thought it sounded like Miss Lynn." He called in a prison yard whisper that echoed in the hallway. I'm sure he was popping his head out just after I pushed inside my door.

He sounded a little more muffled when I heard. “Night, Chris. … Hurry up! Hit play, Man. You're hearing shi…" his door thumped a second before mine, ending the discourse.

I was so relieved, that it was over ten minutes before I thought to call the admin line. "Mrs. Pierce." answered the voice on the other line.

"Ma'am, it's Chris Morgan. I'm back in my room."

"I thought that might be you in the Wagon."

'Yes, ma'am." I said biting my tongue and forcing myself not to offer any new information. Miss Lynn was bad enough but doing that with Mrs. Pierce was like asking Sherlock Holmes to pick a number between one and three.

"Who was that, Chris? I was about to walk down to check on you guys."

Visions of the guys next door thanking me, not to mention getting caught myself and being kept away from the ball, danced in my head. Actually, the vision in my head looked more like a Three Stooges skit…

"It was the lady where I was shopping and her sister, Mrs. Pierce. They were going to deliver my stuff so they just gave me a ride too."

I bit my lower lip.

"Chris, I hope you were careful."

"I was, ma'am. I've met them before and they are very nice."

"Okay, you're not a child. No girls in the room over there?"

"Aaah, Ummm." Three languages, and that's what came out. I was sure I never sounded so guilty.

"How many girls Chris? Do we need the paddy wagon, or will a cruiser do?" She joked.

"It's just me, ma'am."

"Funny, Chris. Very funny." She laughed as she said good night.

I thought I was going to faint, which was why I only got the funny part long afterwards.

 
 

 
 

     I tried to relax. I tried to read. I tried to watch TV. I tried to sleep.

I wound up pulling on a sweatshirt with a hood, and trying to see if there was a snack in the dining room but there were noises there.

Restlessly, my feet led me on their own down the quieter hallway to the theater. It still smelled musty but the glow from the exit signs gave more than enough light to my rapidly adjusting eyes, as I drifted toward the stage.

In the dressing room, I found myself making my way toward the wall of memories before I even realized that was where I had been heading all along.

They were all still there. Suddenly it all came home.

I wondered how many years it had been since anyone had really looked at them. So many boys up there who were gone now. Boys who had lived their lives already, many in ways that I had probably heard of had I taken the time to connect the names below the pictures to the histories I knew. I wondered how many decades it had been since anyone had even read those names.

Perhaps, if I still went to St. Andrew's on Monday, I’d look them up. It seemed the least I could do after all that they had done for me.

I looked at the five faces, over and again. It was in their eyes too. I could see in each of them how alive they were. Surround by their classmates, some of whom wore expressions infinitely much more animated than the few at which I stared but none of the others had those eyes. It was something in the way they looked at the camera that made them look as if I were looking in my mirror. They were calm, a little sad, and perhaps even a little defiant; but, of all those pictures, it was more like their eyes were looking through the camera lens at me.

I might have known how long I looked if I’d been able to turn my eyes away to the opposite wall where the large old clock hung. I never did.

I wanted to tell them I was sorry. I wanted to tell them how happy I was to know I wasn’t alone. I wanted… to explain, to them most of all, because their eyes told me that they already knew. They would have understood. Just like I understood them.

“Me too.” I whispered.

 
 

 
 

My very special thanks to Geoff for his invaluable time and advice.

 
 
 
By

Sarah Lynn Morgan

[email protected]

 
 

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