“Well, I used to be fueled by my temper and emotions. I would get so upset with things that I didn’t feel in control at all. All I could feel was rage and I wanted to take that rage out on others. My thoughts and emotions were way out of whack. On the other hand, now I feel very balanced emotionally. Sure I cry a lot more now but at the same time, I don’t feel that anger I used to. It’s like all my aggression has been tamed. It feels really good Ashley! I can think clearly.”

“So you like being a girl then?”

“I don’t know. I do know that I like the way my head is way more balanced now.”

“Well those clothes could be taken as male or female. I mean I know they are female clothes but they could very easily pass as something a boy would wear.” His mom tried to rationalize.

“Who are you trying to kid mom? Have you seen the way I look? I’ve got breasts…big ones and my butt won’t let me wear anything remotely male. I can wear boy’s pants but if they are big enough for my hips and butt to fit into they are way too loose around my waist. I end up having to cinch them up with a belt which just looks ridiculous. I end up looking like a girl regardless.”

“I’m so sorry sweetie. We will figure this out. If there are ways to feminize boys then there must be ways to masculinize them as well. I know how shocking this is to you and how much you must despise having to wear women’s clothes. ”

“Well yeah mom…I mean I’m still a boy mentally so of course I don’t enjoy having to wear these clothes.” Jessie replied.

Amanda was so happy to have her son back. He was there mentally for the most part. She could see a lot of his former personality coming through, although it was tilted towards the feminine side. The way he spoke now had a high pitch and he used his hands as he conveyed his thoughts. Did he realize how his actions had changed? He didn’t seem to catch on to how demurely he sat on the sofa.
She knew his male ego must have been extremely bruised by his situation and she didn’t want to point out anything else that would set him off further. Oh how he must hate having to wear those clothes! She thought of how having to put on a bra to keep his breasts in check must have turned his stomach. He was such a brave boy to hold his composure so well.
 
 
Jessie reached for a glass of water on the table. He was thirsty and felt a bit dehydrated. Even through all this he was grateful that his mind was once again his own.

As Jessie leaned forward to grab the glass of water Amanda noticed a pantyhose waistband peeking over his jeans top. He was wearing pantyhose? Why would he be wearing pantyhose? She did not feel right about asking though.

“Do you mind if Ashley comes over?”

“Not at all. She has been over every day and was very worried. Why don’t you give her a call? She’ll be very excited that you are up and about.”

Ashley was indeed very happy to see Jessie back. She rushed over and the two headed up to his room.

Jessie explained what had transpired.

“So she is freaked huh?”

“Yep, she feels really guilty about what she did. She bought me boy’s clothes and everything. Too bad they didn’t fit.”

“So what are you going to do Jessie?”

“I think I’m stuck. You know what the scary thing is? I know I should be incredibly upset that I’m not a boy anymore but I’m not. It’s like my mind has been permanently re-wired to think feminine. I know how I used to think and I would have locked myself in my room forever if I knew that you had seen me dressed like this but it really doesn’t bother me.”

“Do you think this is just temporary though? What if the tapes just haven’t worn off yet?”

“It’s permanent. I can feel it. It’s hard to explain but I don’t think like a boy anymore which I’m beginning to believe is a good thing.”

“How so?”

“Well, I used to be fueled by my temper and emotions. I would get so upset with things that I didn’t feel in control at all. All I could feel was rage and I wanted to take that rage out on others. My thoughts and emotions were way out of whack. On the other hand, now I feel very balanced emotionally. Sure I cry a lot more now but at the same time, I don’t feel that anger I used to. It’s like all my aggression has been tamed. It feels really good Ashley! I can think clearly.”

“So you like being a girl then?”

“I don’t know. I do know that I like the way my head is way more balanced now.”

Ashley was unsure what to think. Jessie seemed to be mentally there now. His personality showed through and he wasn’t the clueless drab he was prior. The effects of the conditioning were very apparent however. His mannerisms remained very feminine. He was like a mix of the old Jessie and the new Jessica.

“Well at least you aren’t wearing a dress!” Ashley said with a smile, “Did those urges go away?”

“Not quite but they have lessened a lot. I’m still wearing pantyhose under these jeans.” Jessie replied with a giggle as he lifted his shirt and pulled the waistband of the control top of his pantyhose.

The two shared a laugh.

Here he was voluntarily showing his pretty friend that he was wearing pantyhose. He knew that his male self would be absolutely cringing at what a gay move that was. “Hey look at me! I’m more of a girly girl than you and I am actually a boy!” he thought. Nope…didn’t bother him much!

Things had definitely changed.