1
It happened again. Berous had zoned out. It wasn't unusual for a dungeon mob to do so. Most of the time, there was little to do. It was natural. A week here. A month there. Even years in between visits of adventurers. But something had snapped Berous out of his funk.
Looking to his left, a small avalanche of dust trickled down his helmet. Moran stood to the left. Ramrod straight and unmoving. His own carpet of dust blanked him. With dismay, Berous noticed that Moran had deleveled again. The lancer was now only level one. Soon, the dungeon won't be able to hold on and Moran will despawn. Just like so many other mobs of this dungeon had done.
Sarlem wasn't doing any better. The second lancer in Berous throne room had fallen to level one too. Berous hesitated but then looked at his own mob sheet. Level two. What a pitiful boss fight for any adventurer to stumble into.
But it was their fault!
The adventurers had forsaken them. They brought mana and ideas into the dungeon. Then, the dungeon core used it to summon and maintain their mobs. Without new adventurers, the dungeon would slowly starve and consume itself. Berous - as the boss mob - would despawn last and then the core would crack and die. If only Berous could do anything to change this fate.
Berous stood up. Shaking off the dust that had settled on him. He wouldn't snap to it if it was just deleveling. No, something else must have changed. Something was missing.
It came to him and it made him grin wildly beneath his plate helmet. “Look alive, men. We got company!”
Motion returned to the lancers. They stretched and shook off the worst of the stiffness. “Are you sure, boss?” Moran asked. “Could be wishful thinking.”
Berous gave a gruff snort. “Could be. But where is Loum?” Their golem was a free-roaming mob. Which was a little of a misnomer. Adventurers called it free roaming as the golem didn't stay in one room. Berous knew that the golem Loum followed a complex path throughout the dungeon. And over the centuries, Berous had become familiar with the single appearance of the golem in the boss room. Once at every end of the path. Every fifty-one minutes. But now, the golem was overdue.
“He could have despawned,” Sarlem remarked softly. “Though I wish you are right, boss. I am itching for a fight.”
“Well, you are getting one. Look.” Berous pointed at the hallway leading to his boss chamber. Light flashed in the distance. But it was wrong on a subtle level. It was too white and cold. It was also missing the typical flickering of a torch. It must be a mage, Berous reasoned. Having cast some kind of enchanted light.
Well, Berous had magic of his own. His mana pool was pitifully small. For a moment, he contemplated saving it for the fight. No, there was no point to it. He was level two and his two comrades were level one. It would be a short and one-sided fight. Berous had to think long-term. What mattered was that more adventurers visited. Hence, he couldn't show how long the dungeon hadn't seen visitors. With a cast of nearly all of his mana, the room returned to a pristine state. Dust and debris vanished, and all the torches ignited.
“Boys, let's make Lady Dungeon proud!”
For the first time in a century, Berous plate armor shone in the flickering light of the torches. As did his sword when he pulled it out of his scabbard. Berous was ready.
Or so he thought.
Four young women entered his boss-chamber and Berous hesitated. No, he had no problem cutting down women. Even as a knight. Most likely, their souls were bound to a respawn monolith or other resurrection implement and they would be hurt, but fine. It wasn't even the age that made him hesitate. They were bloody young. If he had known the word, he might have called them teenagers.
It was their garments that were utterly baffling. He had seen everything from tunic to leather, and iron to steel. Plate, studded, or chain. Robes and ceremonial vestiges. But these girls wore neither. Small fabric skirts and tunics that left their midriff bare. Even their shoes looked flimsy. Despite being of blackened leather. There were no pauldrons, bracers, or shin guards. Just some jewelry. Maybe magical? Berous doubted it.
At least they carried weapons. Two carried light bows of a wood type Berous couldn't discern. But the swords nearly made him laugh. They were wooden too and held a blunt edge. How had these girls made it past the guards? As unprepared as they were, even level one dungeon mobs should have wiped the floor with them. Yet here they stood.
“Foolish adventurers!” Berous voices echoed through the chamber. “How dare you step before me. Prepare yourself, for death awaits.”
Berous had been a dungeon mob for over five hundred years. For over four and a half centuries, he had been the chosen boss mob for the dungeon. He had held countless monologues and short challenges for adventurers. But this time was the first that it was met with giggling. It was no joke and anger grew within him. He would teach them and they would rue the day they stepped into this dungeon!
He stabbed in the direction of the intruders. “Charge!”
Moran and Sarlem had only waited for his command. Both lowered their lances and rushed into the fray. Berous was only steps behind. An arrow impacted his left shoulder and it nearly made him stumble. A good hit. About a fifth of his health was gone. Strangely dressed or not, these girls were clearly not level one or two.
But they were newbies. The guard stance of the sword woman was wide open and Berous arced his sword down. A might cleave to drive into the collarbone. All the way to the heart.
Instead, his blade impacted an invisible barrier that shimmered lightly as the edge connected. This was new. Berous never had seen magic like this. Lesser mobs would have been stunned by the revelation. But Berous was a boss mob. He parried with alacrity the wooden sword that reached out for him. Biting down on the pain when the parry nearly fractured the bones in his arm. Such strength he had not anticipated.
He stepped back and resumed a guard stance. But even doing so, Berous knew it was for naught. Moran and Sarlem already lay dead at his feet. It was only a matter of time before Berous joined them. Adventurers thought that his only goal was to kill them. But Berous knew better. As fast as he could, Berous let his blade fly. A flurry of blows. Never connecting with the unprotected skin of the young women. Instead, the invisible barrier shimmered again and again. Each time shedding a little mana the dungeon would gobble up.
There was a clattering sound. A small pink rectangle had fallen out of the sword woman's backpack. Sliding under a brazier. For a split second, Berous wondered if this item had been the source of the magical shield they used. The distraction was his undoing as one of the girls kicked him in the chest. Berous went flying with nearly no health points left. Those were sapped away as he impacted on a nearby wall.
Death meant nothing to a dungeon mob. The dungeon would recycle the body and spawn it anew. Not an hour after these strange adventurers left, Berous would be back again. Ready for the next fight. Until then, he was a ghost. Floating around and bearing witness.
These new adventurers were vexing. Has so much changed in the one hundred years? Berous was perplexed. Even more so when those four girls communicated more through giggles than through words. Then they removed more of these strange rectangles. All, but one, who patted herself down.
“Oh, you guys, I think I forgot my phone again.”
More giggles and playful replies that twisted Berous’ mind. They still spoke a language he knew, but there were so many new words in their vocabulary that it might be a new language altogether.
The following behavior was just strange. The girls posed and flashes emerged from the rectangles that they held up. Curious, Berous floated closer. As a ghost, he was invisible. Making Him able to glance over the girls' shoulders. The rectangles turned out to be some kind of mirror. Now and then, they tapped on it, a flash would happen, and the mirror image froze for a split second. What a strange magical device.
These new adventurers turned out to be quite rude. The loot chest with the most valuable items the dungeon had to offer was the target of scorn and mockery. Of course, they had to pose. Even making strange faces. Why were they pushing their lips out? Were they mimicking ducks? And more of these strange flashes.
But dunking on his loot wasn't enough. They posed over the dead bodies of Moran and Sarlem. Disgraced Berous throne by sitting on it - and posing - before they moved to his deceased body too. This was just unheard of. To what depth have adventurers fallen? Dungeon mobs and adventurers were adversaries, yes. But they usually were courteous in their respective roles. It was a symbiotic relationship after all. They brought new mana into the dungeon and in return, the dungeon would provide loot and experience.
“Let's see that dungeon core, girls!”
If Berous had still been alive, now all blood would have drained his face. The dungeon core was sacred. Adventurers knew to leave it alone. Berous' knowledge of the outside world was spotty, but he knew that adventurer guilds existed. And they forbid messing with a dungeon core unless said core became dangerous to the outside. But these new adventurers didn't care. If they hurt or destroyed it, Berous and his fellow mobs would not respawn. The whole dungeon would die. And there was nothing he could do about it.
With apprehension, he followed them deeper into the dungeon. To the very center. The sanctuary. Dungeon cores started out as small glowing crystals. As they absorbed more mana, these crystals grew. Lady Dungeon, as Berous liked to call her, had grown to cover a huge part of a cavern wall. Bearing testimony of how powerful this dungeon had once been. Not all of the crystal was glowing. Only a small flicker in the middle. It reflected how little mana the dungeon core had left. Lady Dungeon was close to dying. She had one - maybe two - decades left.
More of these silly poses. Berous wanted to scream. To cast them out. But he was unable to do so. Helpless, he had to watch. At least the girls had one decency left. None dared to touch the crystal. Not even daring to come within an arm's reach of it. It was a small mercy.
It wasn't long after - a small eternity for Berous - that these strange invaders left. Now, he could calm down and reflect upon the events that had occurred. Strange as it may have been, it still was fortuitous that the group had arrived. They had brought mana into the dungeon. Possibly extending the lifespan of the dungeon by another decade. For it, suffering through the humiliation was worth it. Barely. The question was if more groups like these would visit. Berous dreaded and longed for it too. They needed more visitors to survive. But whatever happened to the outside had twisted adventurers for the worse.
All that was left was for Berous to return to his throne room and patiently wait for his respawn. It couldn't be long now. Yet as he began to move, something unusual happened. A happenstance that he had only witnessed twice in all the centuries as a mob in this dungeon. Light gathered before the dungeon core. Gradually taking form. It was humanoid. Then gained features. A woman who displayed beauty without a match. Once formed, clothing materialized around her. Court shoes, undergarments, and a dress that would put those of the queens of any royal court to shame. For the third time in Berous' existence, Lady Dungeon had taken form.
With a grace no human could match, Lady Dungeon exited the core room. Seemingly floating down the rough-hewn tunnel that led to Berous throne room. In wonder, Berous followed. What possibly could lure Lady Dungeon out? The answer came as the avatar of the dungeon walked to one of the braziers. Pulling forth one of these strange rectangles. This one was in pink.
Berous now had a better look. It was made with some kind of metal, but it appeared very light in Lady Dungeon's grip. The corners were rounded off. On one side he expected the strange mirror. Instead, there was black glass. Smaller circles of glass were embedded into the opposite side. Maybe it was more than just a carrier for an enchantment. Maybe it was some kind of device? He had heard of clocks that became smaller and smaller. Berous banished that thought. The rectangle was too slim to contain more than a few cogs and what would be the function? No, it had to be the bearer for an enchantment.
While Berous mused on in confusion, Lady Dungeon turned and walked back to the core room. He could guess why she was interested in this unexpected item. Dungeons learned from the items left behind by adventurers. Weapons and armor were useful. Books were rarely left behind but gave deeper insight into the cultures outside the dungeon. At last, there were adventurers themselves. Whenever an adventurer died, the dungeon could hold onto the soul and learn from its knowledge. Of course, this opportunity was fleeting. Only a fool of an adventurer delved into a dungeon without having the insurance of resurrection magic. Lady Dungeon usually had a half hour. But sometimes as much as half a day. Then the soul was whisked away to be reborn by outside magic.
With measured steps, she walked towards the crystal - her real self - and held out the strange rectangle. A beam of light shot out and lifted the rectangle up. Just as the avatar of Lady Dungeon vanished, the rectangle sprang to life. The black glass surface suddenly displayed pictures in splendid colors and fine detail to a degree Berous had never seen before. But there was more. Pages upon pages with uniform writing too quick to process for him flashed by. Whatever this rectangle was, Berous was sure it was not a mirror. Not even some protective charm. It held a great amount of knowledge. All of it was now absorbed by Lady Dungeon. To what end, Berous couldn't tell.
2
Time was hard to judge inside a dungeon. It was an abstract concept for Berous. He would guess it had been three days since those strange adventurers had arrived. But the definition of days was based on the sun. Berous had never seen the celestial body. He had memories. Knowledge siphoned from adventurers and been given to him. As with every dungeon creature, Berous was a construct. Cobbled together with bits and pieces the dungeon had stolen away from the minds of slain foes.
And by now, Berous should have respawned. Sitting back on his throne. Yet he was still a ghost. Just like every other dungeon mob here. Lady Dungeon was still busy studying the smartphone.
The thought gave Berous a pause. Why did he suddenly know what these rectangles were called? It must be information Lady Dungeon was feeding him. But what was a smartphone? Berous couldn't answer that question. A newfound instinct said it was for communication, but that wasn't quite it either. Somehow, it meant more.
Deep in his musing, Berous nearly missed it. The smartphone clattered to the ground. Once again lifeless. But it was the dungeon core that drew his attention. Pulses emanated from the core. Traveling like tiny waves over walls and the floor. Any surface they traveled over changed slightly. These pulses strengthened and Berous knew what it meant. The dungeon was shifting into a new form. Not just adjusting slightly based on the new information. This was a large-scale remodeling.
Such an undertaking was mana-intensive. Even with recycling mana, there would be a heavy loss. Berous could feel the dungeon contracting. Erasing most rooms. Only one remained. His throne room warped and wobbled. Slimming down in width, but gaining in length. The room was suddenly drenched in light. The ceiling had given way to a light blue expanse. The sky, a part of Berous informed him. Not that he ever had seen the real sky. He only had fragments of memories. And this sky wasn't real either. A cunning illusion.
The brickwork of the walls vanished. In their place, new materials appeared. Glass, wood, plastic, and concrete. The last two he could identify but what they were Berous couldn't say. More knowledge fragments that he had gained through the dungeon. He recognized what the dungeon was building. Shops. Or rather the facsimiles of shop fronts. But these weren't based on the rough likeness of medieval times. This was modern. Contemporary.
At this moment, Berous was glad to not have a body. All these new words and concepts. Surely they would have given him a headache. The shifting of the dungeon stopped as the shopping arcade took its final shape. Despite not knowing what a shopping arcade was exactly, Berous doubted it was a place usually reserved for fighting. There wasn't even a throne he could sit on. Only a few plastic chairs to the side and these looked rather flimsy. No, this was no place for a knight.
A silhouette of light appeared. The sign that Lady Dungeon was summoning her first new mob into the remodeled environment. A pull drew Berous closer. Of course, the Lady would summon her boss mob first. That was only logical. The silhouette appeared awfully small and it dawned on him that he might not be respawning in his old body.
With a plop, Berous materialized. Suddenly flesh and blood again. He felt wrong. Not his usual self. This wasn't the first time Lady Dungeon had altered his form. But those had been minor alterations. This was new. A deep breath and Berous looked down to face his new reality.
“This can't be!” His voice was new. Higher in tone. Fitting his new body. It was easy to guess who Lady Dungeon had taken as inspiration. “She made me one of them!”
Berous was stunned. This time without taking a shield to the noggin or a good swing of a club. He felt the fabric of his new uniform in his slender and feminine hands. It was so soft. Unlike anything he had ever worn. Being used to heavy armor and its padding underneath, the few clothing layers he now had felt flimsy. They offered no protection at all. He might as well be naked.
Despite centuries of experience and having faced numerous foes, Berous is suddenly experiencing the onset of panic. There was no way he could defend the dungeon without wearing armor. All because of these strange intruders.
Remembering them gave Berous pause. These girls had done fine without armor. They had those strange shields. Maybe Berous had them too? He now doubted that the rectangles- smartphones - were the source of the magical shield. No, it had to be something different. It was time to reevaluate all the garments he wore and do so without bias.
Closest to his skin were two strange garments. His inane object inspection ability named them brassiere and panties. Both had no defensive value to speak of. The brassiere cupped his breasts. What a strange addition. Berous could make no heads or tails of it. Why did Lady Dungeon give him breasts? Or make him a woman? It made no sense. Breasts couldn't be there for defensive reasons. Sure, the fat tissue might slow down a striking weapon. But it was too concentrated. Worse, they might hinder his body's balance in a fight. They moved too. Slightly. Probably more when unrestrained. Maybe that was the purpose of the brassiere? To arrest movement. But why give him a handicap just to negate part of it?
It was hardly possible, but the panties made even less sense. The loss of his penis wasn't bad really. It - and the balls - had been as useless as his new breasts. Worse, the appendage had been a critical weak point. He only had to be kicked there once to never forget it. Yes, he knew what a penis was for. Humans procreate with it. A function utterly meaningless for a dungeon mob. Not to mention that there had been a few distracting moments in fights when he fought against attractive women.
For a moment, Berous wondered if he now counted as attractive. Being now a woman too. But he pushed the thought aside. Getting rid of his tackle meant one less weak spot. Or was it? Intellectually he knew he now had a vagina. Was it as prone to pain as a dick? Berous hoped he wouldn't find out. The panties wouldn't provide any padding against any possible kick or attack. Maybe they were preventing that dirt from getting inside of him? Berous chose to ignore any implications and further thought on the topic. Hopefully, he wouldn't find out. Women's anatomy was weird and strange to him. Maybe staying blissfully ignorant might be better. All he had to do was ignore his own body. That couldn't be that hard, right?
The next layer of garments is identified by his ability as a blouse, skirt, and tight-high socks. All three are part of a five-piece set called “schoolgirl uniform”. The set name was peculiar. As if it was a piece of a puzzle that Berous couldn't even fathom the size of. What exactly was a schoolgirl? These garments at least had a little bit of protection. Though it was so little, it might as well not be there.
The thigh-high sock provided two percent resistance against frost damage. Berous couldn't even remember when he had last fought against a frost mage. The white blouse was thin. Even a little see-through. Spun so fine Berous had to look closer to see individual threats. It was not silk, but too smooth and thin for linen. It provided zero-to-one damage reduction. Most likely, he reasoned, zero reduction with a slim chance of reducing one point.
The long skirt wasn't much better. It might be wool. But so finely knit that it was beyond what Berous had ever seen. Dyed to a very deep blue that started to border on black. Its damage reduction ranged from zero to two. With so little protection, Berous might count as what dungeon-born called a glass cannon. Provided he had any means of doing serious damage.
Lifting up the hem of the skirt revealed shoes of black leather that didn't even cover all of his feet. He never had seen leather this thin, but it appeared sturdy enough. Provided he didn't go for a hike. In combat, they might be enough. If he got used to the small raised heel. Another impracticality Berous couldn't make sense of. The only advantage the footwear provided was that the pair was the fourth piece of the “schoolgirl uniform” set.
Which meant the jacket had to be the fifth item. But Berous was dead wrong. The name of the item was “rebel teen jacket” and provided some protection. Three to five in reduction. Despite the flimsy nature of this leather. It might not be much thicker than that of the shoes. A lot of details didn't make sense to Berous. It covered both of his arms but ended just above his waist. Leaving his midriff totally exposed. It was adorned with metal studs in patterns Berous couldn't deceiver. All but one. Slipping out of the garment revealed the silhouette of a fist with a raised middle finger. Above it were the words “Fuck Off!” spelled out in studs. What was that all about?
Most curious was the alternative set bonus the jacket had. It gave every “schoolgirl uniform” piece one damage reduction for every piece worn. Unless the “schoolgirl uniform” set was complete. In a way, the jacket completed the set without being part of it. Four pieces meant four points of reduction for each garment and a total of sixteen damage reduction in total. Elevating the outfit to lightly armored.
At last, Berous examined the jewelry he wore and there was plenty of it. He knew of magical rings, but wearing fifteen at the same time felt like overkill. Upon closer inspection, only three were actually magical. Raising constitution, dexterity, and strength by one respectively. Why wear so many unnecessary rings then? Berous was confused but kept the rings. Trusting that Lady Dungeon had a reason.
Inspecting the necklace around his neck threw Berous for a bit. Clearly, this was the main defensive item Lady Dungeon had provided for him. It was enchanted and provided a magical shield of eighty points. While he hadn't seen the invaders wear necklaces like this, they had to be kitted out with them too. It also meant the magical shield they possessed was finite and could be depleted. Useful information that Berous stored away.
That left the many metallic bangles on both arms. At first, Berous had categorized them as useless fluff. Just like the superfluous rings. But closer inspection revealed their true potential. Each bangle had intricate engravings and was chained together to three of its brethren. Creating one compound enchantment that provided a shield too. This one had only fifteen points but promised fast recharge. They could act as ablative shields that could regenerate if the combat lasted long enough.
Berous took a few steps - even a short sprint - and was surprised at how agile he felt. As he used to be a knight in heavy armor, it had become standard to be the lumbering giant that hit hard and took his enemies head-on. But this was different. He didn't have to take hits. Berous could evade now. Those who would manage to catch him had to dig through his shields. No, this outfit wasn't as flimsy as he had thought. There was some potential.
His defense was assured. That left his offense as an open point. Berous needed a weapon and found that Lady Dungeon had provided it too. Leaning against one of the fake shop facades was a metallic club. He wasn't sure of what material it was. The metal appeared blackened. But it was still shiny and gleaming. Berous wasn't sure how it was possible, but the metal changed smoothly to red to spell out the word “Slammer”.
The weapon was of the type “baseball bat” and provided six to nine base damage. It felt surprisingly light as Berous picked it up. A few practice swings assured him that this could do some damage. It would do. But if Lady Dungeon had given the choice, Berous would have preferred his old sword.
Further musing eluded him as a new mob appeared to be spawning. A woman too, he guessed based on the silhouette. Then, she popped into existence. The new woman - his dungeon sense told him she was called Momo - was of a darker skin. Not as Berous' own fair skin. Her outfit was nearly identical. A few fewer rings and the studs on the leather jacket appeared to form different patterns. Eye-catching was her hairdo. Tightly curled brown hair spilled out to all sides. Giving the impression of a fluffy helmet in the shape of a sphere twice the size of Momo's head.
“Boss?” The newcomer appeared to be hesitant.
Something clicked within Berous' mind. Lady Dungeon wouldn't create new mob spirits unless she had to. Berous had been reformed, but his spirit was reused. The same had to be true for the woman before him.
“Is that you, Moran?” Berous asked.
“Kind of, I guess.” Momo took a moment to explore her new body. Just like Berous had done. Rifling through her jacket produced two unusual pieces of jewelry. Four rings were connected together by a brass bar. Berous had no idea what they were for, but Momo appeared to have a guess. She slipped one of these onto each hand and threw a few practice punches. “Nice. These will do some damage.”
Berous lifted his new bat. “Lots of changes. New armor and new weapons. Heh, I wonder what Sarlem will spawn with.”
Momo shrugged. “We used to be both lancers, Berlyn-sama. Maybe she will get a pair of knuckle-dusters too.”
It was strange to hear his new name spoken out loud. But there was something else. “What did you add to my name?”
“Sama?” Momo scratched her head. A feat made harder by her bushy tightly curled hair. She needed a moment to find a spot to easily reach the scalp but gave up and scratched at the edge of her voluminous hairstyle. “That just slipped out. Kinda felt right to add it.”
It must be some kind of honorific, Berous mused and diverted his attention to other details. As the respawn of Sarlem took a moment, Berous bridged it by inspecting one of the fake shop fronts. He saw his half-transparent mirror image and studied it. Yes, she looked more like a Berlyn than a Berous, but he couldn't quite yet make that internal jump. Of course, he knew that if Lady Dungeon wanted him in this form, he should accept being a woman and move on. But centuries of being one gender weren't easy to shake.
His mirror image stared back at him. Blue eyes, bushy eyebrows, and long straight black hair. There was nothing left that tied him to being Berous. Her wide plum lips pressed together to a thin line. She didn't look any more pleased to be him than he was. At least her breasts weren't too large and of a hindrance. Momo's were larger, Berous noted. For a short confusing moment, he felt a pang of envy. Where had that come from? Berous shook his head to get rid of the stray unwelcome emotion.
Overall, it was a strange look. This nearly complete set of a schoolgirl uniform. And for what it was worth, Berous kind of liked the addition of the leather jacket. Purely from an esthetic sense. The stats were abysmal. But it surprised him nonetheless. Berous had never been vain, but his new body oddly pleased him. The reflection definitely wasn't bad-looking.
Then he noticed the odd shape concealed by the leather jacket. Reaching into the pocket, Berous pulled out one of those smartphones. It was the first time he saw one of these devices up close. Aside from the black mirrored side, Berous found small barely perceivable buttons on the side and a cluster of three strange circular glasses on the opposite flat side.
Just as Berous was to push those buttons, a new silhouette of light appeared. Quickly taking on the form of yet another woman. As Berous pocketed the smartphone, Sarlem respawned. Of course, he wasn't a lancer anymore either. Or a man. The pale-skinned woman was surprisingly tall. Lanky, Berous would call her if not for large breasts that made a new flare of envy shoot through Berous. Quickly squashed, of course.
“Welcome to womanhood,” Momo said as she studied the New arrival. “Remee is it? Quite the surprise, right?”
The new addition was indeed named Remee. Berous could spot it through his dungeon sense. Remee appeared to be calm. Not easily disturbed by the development. Then again, Berous and Momo had taken it in stride too.
“Well, I saw the boss spawn as a girl. Then you. I figured-” Remee's eyes grew wide and she quickly reached up. Caressing her new mane of blond hair. Surprise made way for euphoria as Remee started to jump up and down. “I've got hair! I am not bald anymore!”
Has Sarlem been bald? Berous needed a moment to think back. The lancer had always worn a helmet and rarely taken it off. But, yes, the man had been bald. Apparently, it had been a sore point as Remee was overcome with joy.
“Maybe you shouldn't- ” Berous started, but it was too late. A few buttons popped off Remee's blouse and sailed through the air. Her endowment was large enough to do durability damage. Now her cleavage was there for all to see.
Remee stopped and looked down. It took a few seconds for her to formulate her thoughts into words. “These armor pieces are rather flimsy, aren't they?”
Berous shrugged “Could be worse. At least we have these personal shields.” Silence settled over the Trio. As mobs, they weren't really used to holding a conversation. Right now, they might have spoken more than in the whole century prior combined. Eventually, all their eyes settled on Remee's cleavage. Expectantly staring at it. After five minutes, Berous had enough. “Why isn't Lady Dungeon fixing it?”
“Maybe she is exhausted?” Momo volunteered. “This was a lot for remodeling.”
“I don't mind.” Remee continued to stare down her own cleavage. Then bounced up and down a few times. Then, quite visibly, an epiphany hit her. “Guys! We all should expose our breasts. Think about it. Ain't normal human men attracted to them? We can use ours to distract them.”
Momo nodded along. “Great idea.” She promptly unbuttoned part of her own blouse and gave it a test jiggle. Clearly being pleased with the result.
Berous looked down and then crossed his arms over his chest instead of revealing more skin himself. There wasn't enough, but he didn't voice that out loud. “This is stupid. Besides, the last adventurers had been women.”
“Oh, those will get green with envy,” Remee said and emphasized her point by jiggling again.
Berous looked away. Remee had a point. In fact, part of Berous was betraying him and actually fell for the envy-trap. It was time to change the topic. “You got one of these too?” He pulled out the smartphone.
Momo and Remee patted themselves down and indeed produced a smartphone each. “What are they?” Momo asked aloud. “All the invaders had one too. What are they even for?”
“I was just about to figure it out as you two respawned.” Berous flipped the phone around and took a look from all sides. There were tiny indents and holes, but he couldn't guess what they were for. But one of the buttons did indeed do something. Suddenly the black mirrored surface was filled with color, symbols, and even words. “Swipe to unlock,” he read aloud before looking at his compatriots. They shrugged. Clearly, Lady Dungeon hadn't bestowed them any more knowledge than she had given him.
Swipe to unlock. Maybe it could open? Berous tried to wave the smartphone through the air. Sometimes slow. Other times fast. Wide swipes and small ones. Nothing worked.
“Got it!” Momo held up her smartphone. It now showed a colorful background with a grid of symbols. “You have to use a finger to swipe over the surface.”
Remee and Berous tried the same and their smartphone now mirrored that of Momo. With one puzzle solved, another presented itself. A bunch of pictograms crowded the surface. Each with a name underneath. One was labeled as “browser” and another proclaimed “calculator”. A pictogram of a flame drew Berous attention. Its name was “HotVidz”. Maybe this device was for summoning magic.
He tapped on HodVidz expecting a flame to emerge. Instead, loud music blared. Berous nearly dropped the smartphone. Tiny humans performed some kind of strange dance. They appeared to be trapped inside the smartphone, but not bothered as Berous cantered and tilted the device. The dancers didn't acknowledge Berous or anything else. Just performing their strange dance steps.
Momo and Remee got curious and came closer. “Why are they shaking their butt so much?” asked the latter.
“I have no idea,” Berous murmured. Indeed, the dancers liked to hunch down and shake their butt as if they had bullet ants in their pants or skirts. More symbols - smaller this time - crowded the space. None explained what was going on. Just as Berous was to guess, the dancers jumped from one point to another. One second they were crouching and shaking their butt at Berous, the next they were further away in the small portrait room. Walking towards Berous. Then they started dancing again.
“Isn't this what we just saw?” Momo asked. “It's as if they are repeating themselves.”
“Maybe it is some kind of recording?” Remee ventured a guess. “But instead of recording an event as text, they figured out how to do it with moving pictures and sound.”
“Has to be,” Berous agreed. Pointing at the dancers. “There! They reset again.” By accident, Berous touched the surface and moved slightly upwards. The dancers vanished. Instead, an older guy appeared. Sitting in some kind of drab room.
“We all know slimes,” the man intoned with false excitement. “Weak little monsters that roam the countryside. But they aren't just pests. Here are ten amazing facts about slimes you didn't know.”
Another swipe and the recording changed. “Get ready with me for a night out.” A young woman sat in a pink room. Before her brushes, powdered paint, and other utensils Berous couldn't identify. “We start with foundation and-”
Bewildered, Berous changed the recording as the woman started to paint herself with a brush and powdery paint. Each new recording shown was stranger than the one before. Faster and faster, Berous flicked through the recordings.
As Berous finally looked up, Momo and Remee were hunched over their own smartphones. “Guys, I don't think the outside is what it used to be. If these recordings are anything to go by, we have a lot of catching up to do.”
3
Dungeon mobs were used to patiently wait. To simply stare ahead and wait for the next intruders. But the last week had been anything but patient waiting. Berous - Berlyn she corrected herself yet again - had learned so much about the outside world. The people on the outside had something called the industrial revolution and with it a diminishing need to delve into dungeons. That explained the disappearance of the adventurers.
Now, humans have entered the information age. And they were right. There was so much information at Berlyn's fingertips. It was dizzying in its vastness. The recordings they had found - called videos or vidz for short - weren't just stored on smartphones. No, the devices were connected to something called the EtherWeb. An intricate network of smartphones and computers. Another device Berlyn never had heard of before.
At times, it was too much information at once. Berlyn needed breaks. Using the camera, she admired her new looks. Black hair, blue eyes, slightly bushy brows, and full lips. She definitely was a looker. A thought that still felt foreign to her, but also made her oddly proud. She wondered when she would get used to it. Even being a woman now. Being Berous had been easier. There were fewer rules for men. Before and after the information age arrived.
Looking up, she saw Momo leaning against one of the shop fronts and scrolling through her smartphone. Now and then giggling at something. Remee had sat down at one of the cheap plastic chairs that littered the area before a fake restaurant. She was busy drawing cat eyes. Of the three of them, Remee took to wearing make-up the most.
“It's like warpaint,” she had said. “And if done right, other women will be intimidated. You should try it too.”
Berlyn had but with a less stellar outcome than Remee. She knew it was something Lady Dungeon desired. Just by the fact that they were provided with make-up in the first place. Well, they raided the boss loot they were expected to guard. Which was common enough. Even before the remodeling.
“What is all this?” “Did we take a wrong turn?”
The sudden voices made Berlyn jump up. Intruders? After a century of absence, she hadn't expected new adventurers so soon. No, that wasn't quite right. Adventurers as they had known them weren't a thing anymore. The invaders of the last week had been ordinary schoolgirls. Adolescents who probably had delved into the dungeon on a dare. And apparently, they were back.
“Look alive girls,” Berlyn said while reaching for her baseball bat. “I think we got visitors.”
“Now?” Remee looked up shocked. Only one of her eyes was painted and the other still nude. “Couldn't they have waited five more minutes?”
“You look fine,” Momo assured her. But her tone wasn't serious. “Only half like a raccoon.”
“I will show you a raccoon.” Remee pulled out a small rod that extended with a flick of her wrist. Momo was unimpressed until Remee pulled out her second weapon. A small can of pepper spray. It must be the trauma that made Momo take a step back. At first, they didn't know what pepper spray was. To the detriment of Momo who got to experience the effectiveness firsthand by accident.
“Girls!” Berlyn growled. “Visitors. Keep your aggression for them.”
“Yes, Berlyn-sama,” both said in unison and took their place beside Berlyn.
“What is this?” a schoolgirl asked as she walked into the fake shopping arcade that was now Berlyn's home.
“That wasn't here before.”
“Maybe they know what's up.”
“Excuse me?” The leader from the quartet of schoolgirls stepped forward. “What is all this? Do you know?”
Showtime! Berlyn gave her nastiest grin. It only took a little more than a day to find out what Momo, Remee, and her were supposed to be. The smartphone provided the answer. Their little Trio was modeled after a street gang. Delinquent teens who robbed those not brave enough to stand up to them.
“Oh, I know. How about a trade?” Berlyn lifted her baseball bat. She heard Momo and Remee lift their own weapons but didn't pay them much attention. “Here is how it goes. Empty out your pockets. And maybe - if you behave - we will enlighten you.”
Momo and Remee gave a nasty laugh of their own to compliment Berlyn's speech. As end boss dialogs go, this was far from her best, but Berlyn told herself that she was new to this role. She would do better next time.
“You want to rob us in a dungeon? Are you nuts? There could be mobs ambushing us.”
Berlyn gave a hearty and nasty bellowing laugh. “They already are!”
She charged her enemies, but the schoolgirls were not caught off guard for long. Berlyn landed two solid hits on the leader's personal shield before having to fall back. At the same time, one of the schoolgirls cried out. “Ahhh! Peppersprey! She maced me! I can't see.”
To her left, Berlyn heard the meaty impacts of knuckle-dusters against another personal shield. Momo was in on the action and didn't give an inch. Just as Berlyn wanted to rush back in, the schoolgirls recovered from the surprise attack. Now, their superior number came back into play. Three quickly fired arrows flew towards Remee who tried to sidestep a wooden sword wielder to get to the blinded archer stumbling back. Two arrows were all it took to deplete Remee's shield and the third struck home.
As Remee stumbled back, Berlyn charged into the gap. Mighty swings were blocked by personal shields and internally, Berlyn cursed. They weren't breaking through and it was only a limited time until the archers would pick them off one by one. At least, Remee had blinded one of them. That ought to delay the inevitable. Defeat was assured, but Berlyn didn't mind. Such was the life of a dungeon mob. What counted was to squeeze out as much mana from these schoolgirls as possible.
A mighty swing made the shield of Berlyn's opponent falter, but it left her wide open. Some kind of charged arrow knocked her back a few meters. Making her unable to exploit the weakness. Thankfully, Remee was ready and jumped back into the fray. Maybe they had a chance after all.
The brief hope died as Momo sank to her knees. Dozens of arrows had penetrated her body. The second archer had recovered from the pepper spray and had used Momo's focused fighting against one opponent to land a few critical hits.
With Momo down and Berlyn pushed back, Remee stood no chance. Two sword fighters and two archers were too much. Remee went down before she could land another hit.
“You think you won?” Berlyn pushed up and unleashed her ultimate ability. The wide swing of her bat missed all the opponents, but it didn't have to. A concussive force leashed out and balled all intruders over. They all landed in a heap, Berlyn now had the opportunity to strike a few blows. Instead, she took a few steps back. There were more important aspects to being a dungeon boss. With her baseball bat, she pointed at a cluster of fine paper shopping bags. “That's my swag, you hear me? You only get my spoils over my dead body!”
Gone were the days of treasure chests. Now they had tote bags and little paper boxes. Berlyn hadn't known what they were until curiosity won out and she looked. Would adventurers know? As far as Berlyn knew, Lady Dungeon was the first dungeon to push into and integrate into the information age. All the normal things to expect were thrown out the window.
One of the schoolgirls raised her hands. “We didn't come here to-”
Berlyn didn't give her time to finish. A reckless charge brought her into the midst of the group of schoolgirls. Swinging wildly, her bat damaged all of the remaining personal shields. One might think she has gone berserk, but each hit promised a little more mana stayed behind for the dungeon.
This was the end. Charging in like that left Berlyn open to attacks from all sides. Not long after, she fell to the ground. Her hitpoints depleted.
“This was crazy!” The leader nudged Berlyn with her foot. “Is this really a dungeon or did we just kill people?”
“Must be dungeon mobs,” one archer said while pointing at what remained of Momo. “This one is vanishing.”
“I don't like it.” The second archer was rubbing her eyes. They were still red from the pepper spray. “Could have done without it. I mean, mobs carrying pepper spray? What's next? Tasers?”
“Never mind that.” The first archer pushed past her friends. “I wanna know what they meant by swag.”
“Let's,” the other swordwoman agreed. Together they snatched up the biggest tote bag and looked inside. “Look at that! Now, that's what I call loot.” She pulled out a dark blue and silver sequin dress. “An enchantment for resize adjustment and rizz boost.”
“Wait. Wait. Wait. Put it back!” The leader decreed. Her friends looked at her, but they did not get an answer right away. She pulled out a smartphone. “Let's record a vid. This is so insane, it's got to get us viral.”
Berlyn - floating nearby as a ghost - was happy that they were excited by the loot but thoroughly confused as to why anyone wanted to get sick. And how could an illness relate to a recording? There was nothing but to bear witness and find out.
“Heya, peeps and gals!” The leader was all smiles and her posse was posing in the background. “You won't believe what I am about to show you. Remember the dungeon near Fossom Fields we raided last week? We are back. But the dungeon changed. Take a look.”
She twirled around and gave the future audience a glance at the hard work Lady Dungeon had done. Then the leader got serious and continued in a conspiratorial tone. “And get this: The mobs? They looked like us. Schoolgirls. Well, not quite. Like some hoodlums or gang members. They wore leather jackets over their uniform. But the best is still to come.”
The leader motioned for her friends and the loot was brought forth. “Didn't expect to have a haul video inside a dungeon, but here we go.”
They pulled out the dress as if it was the first time. Gushing over it and soon arguing who would get it. The leader swatted any complaints by saying they would roll for it later. There was more loot to go through and arguing wouldn't look well on the vid.
Next, they pulled out a complete make-up kit. Gushing over the exotic choices of color. This kit was clearly unique and not available in some shops. At last, they pulled out a necklace. One heavily enchanted.
“Nice haul,” the leader proclaimed after suspending their recording. “This is sure to get us viral and maybe we can return next weekend. But damn, all that fighting left me sweety. Let's go.”
“Wait!” Archer number one looked at her friends expectantly. “Remember? My phone. The reason we came here.”
Oh, no! The last time Berlyn had seen the smartphone in question, it had been in the core room. Connect to Lady Dungeon through magic. If they saw, people might find out dungeons were truly sentient. There was no telling how they would react. Worse, Berlyn had been defeated. Her body had vanished. There was nothing she could do to make the schoolgirls stop snooping.
Berlyn raced to the dungeon core. The schoolgirls hot on her heels. The worst fear was to see the dungeon core still connected to the smartphone. But as Berlyn arrived, she could see the dungeon core buried in the wall, but not the phone. Relief flooded through her and she noticed that the crystal glowed a lot more than before. Lady Dungeon's gamble had paid off. The remodeling had cost a lot of mana, but the recent fight had recuperated those losses.
“There it is!”
One of the schoolgirls had spotted what Berlyn had missed. Screwed to one of the rock faces was a wire basket. Made to look worn and slightly rusty. Among old junk, the smartphone rested.
Of course, Lady Dungeon had a plan. Berlyn chided herself. She probably had known that the schoolgirls would return. Planning ahead for the day they would do so.
Satisfied with their loot and accomplished task, the schoolgirls left in high spirits. Not even bothering to pester the dungeon core again. All in all, this was a successful dungeon run for Berlyn and her gang too. They had made the invaders spend a lot of mana.
A sudden popping sound made Berlyn stop her musing. Besides the dungeon core, a new smartphone floated in the air. Soon connected. It probably meant the schoolgirls had left the dungeon. For reasons Berlyn wasn't quite sure, dungeons couldn't summon objects and mobs while adventurers were inside. Flashes from the smartphone’s screen told Berlyn that Lady Dungeon was still learning from the EtherWeb at high speeds she couldn't match herself.
Satisfied that all was as it should be, Berlyn floated back to the boss room. Waiting to be respawned.
4
“Bam. Bam. Bam!” Momo was shadowboxing imaginary fiends. “I nearly had one. I am telling you, one more left hook and I would have gotten through.”
“You were too focused on one,” Remee said without looking up. Her gaze was focused on a small mirror and her smartphone where another make-up tutorial played. She powdered herself with a sponge before giving off a brag of herself. “I took one of them out of the fight for a while. Giving you your opportunity.”
“You both did fine,” Berlyn spoke up before Momo could. Competition was good, but only to a degree. It was time to change the topic before it could get out of hand. “I think we have to go viral.”
That made Remee actually look up. “Going for a disease build? Isn't that up to Lady Dungeon?”
“The schoolgirls mentioned the term a few times and it got me curious. So, I looked it up.” Berlyn lifted her smartphone. “I searched for the term and it is actually something called a meme. According to city slang dot dictionary, it is if information or content is spread throughout the EtherWeb at an increasing rate by consumers who share it. Basically, something so interesting that people share it with their friends and family. Who then share it with theirs. And so on.”
Momo wasn't convinced. “But what do you want to share that needs to go viral?”
“Us. This dungeon.” Berlyn twirled around to Remee. “Remember when you were a knight? Before being a gang member or a lancer. When you hit level five, you learned a skill called taunt.”
“That was a long time ago, Berlyn-sama.” Remee was about to return to applying mascara when the epiphany hit her too. “It was a skill that forced our enemies to attack me, instead of others. Or even to provoke a hesitant foe. That's genius!”
Momo put her hands on her hips and gave her boss and Remee an impatient look. “Care to explain? Because I ain't following.”
“Berlyn-sama wants to taunt them.”
“Taunt who?” Momo prompted again.
“Everyone!” Berlyn gave a conspiratorial glance to her compatriots. “We will go viral and lure everyone and anything who is eligible to raid our dungeon. I don't care what it takes. Provoking them. Luring them in with loot. The promise of fame and renown. Whatever gets them into this dungeon.”
“That is genius,” Momo said as she finally caught on.
“I don't even think it was my idea.” Berlyn held up her smartphone. “Why do we even have these? We are dungeon mobs. To fight intruders we don't need smartphones. But I think Lady Dungeon gave them to us on purpose. To understand those on the outside. And to do what she can't or won't do. Communicate with them. To lure them in and revitalize this dungeon. This dungeon is the first who can do what none could before: we can advertise.”
Berlyn got excited clapping in return that tethered out as confusion took hold. “So, how exactly do we get viral?” Remee asked.
“I don't know yet. Maybe you two have an idea?” Only crickets answered Berlyn. “Well, I think we need to do more research.”
Both her underlings nodded. If anything, browsing through the smartphone now came naturally to them.
5
The HotVidz app opens and many videos are presented. Most of it is the usual. Guys trying to prove something with a stupid stunt. Make-up tutorials for some exotic cosplay. Financial advice that urges one to buy CryptCoin. With a smattering of clipped movies and TV series scattered in.
After a dancing mother-daughter duo, the next video starts with a shaky camera. Slowly zooming to a dark-skinned beauty who walks towards a pale-skinned woman doing her make-up in front of a cafe.
“Oh, by the goddess, I love your contouring kit.” The first woman gushes. “I see some shades perfect for me. Where did you get it?”
The camera zooms in on Miss pale-and-perky. More shakes indicate a switch of the person holding the camera up. But the subject of the recording doesn't acknowledge it. Instead, continuing in her script.
“Oh, this? I won it in a dungeon dive. So, it was basically free. All I had to defeat some weak mobs.”
“Who are you calling weak?”
The camera turns to show an agitated woman storming closer. She wears a school uniform but with a small leather jacket around her shoulders. Her raven hair contrasts with her piercing blue eyes.
“You thief. That was mine. And all the other loot is mine too! You hear me? This and other swag can be won at the dungeon near Fossom Fields. But don't think it will be easy.” She pulls out a large black baseball bat. “First, you have to go through me and my gang. So, don't go cry running to your moms because we kicked your butts!”
The video fades to black as the proclaimed gang leader tries to pose intimidatingly, but falling short of it. It doesn't take long for the first comments to arrive. Most call the makers out for how cringe and amateur it was. Being rather unkind in the wording. But the video gains shares as viewers toss it to their friends and families. Urging them to see just how bad the acting was. How overdone.
For a moment, the video seemed to stall. Reaching a high before vanishing into the depths of the EtherWeb. Like all content does eventually. But one comment confirms the impossible. The actors are actually dungeon mobs. And while most are busy sending on the video as the newest source of short-lived amusement, quite a few viewers get curious. Enough to make plans to visit Fossom Fields and a certain dungeon nearby.
6
“Puuuhhh!” Momo exclaimed as she let herself fall onto one of the plastic chairs after respawning. “I hate going viral. Can I get a vacation, boss?”
Berlyn rolled her eyes. “We are dungeon mobs. We don't even get fatigued. And it is not like you can leave.”
“She is just blowing off steam,” Remee remarked while grabbing her makeup supply from her secret hiding spot. Least adventurers loot it. She always respawned without her face done and it is always her first step to remedy that. “But I must admit, after the last century having no one visiting, the last week has been busy.”
“But isn't that great?” Berlyn couldn't comprehend why her companions weren't as ecstatic by the events as she had been. “Nearly one hundred groups had visited. That's a new record. We all leveled up. The dungeon has grown and we even have a few of our old buddies back.”
In a manner of speaking. Berlyn's gang has grown. True to the new theme, all of her underlings had turned out to be women. Contrasting with the all-male underlings when she had been Sir Berous. Her newest gang members, Nippa and Claudia, guarded the first stretch of the fake shopping arcade.
Both of them had already garnered nicknames by the visitors. Claudia was known on the EtherWeb as Clawdia. Most likely because of her wicked long nails that she used in close-quarters combat. She did drop the most gorgeous shades of nail polish. Which mollified most who got a good scratching by her.
Nippa was quickly rebranded as Tipsy. It wasn't hard to guess why. Nippa specializes in the drunken-fighting martial arts style. Swaying and dodging as if totally inebriated. Striking out when least expected. Of course, dungeon mobs couldn't get drunk. But always holding a large bottle of booze sold the illusion.
Both were level one, but they got a few kills when adventurer groups dismissed them as weak and didn't watch out for their quirky fighting styles. They usually made that mistake only once.
“We need to get more deadly,” Momo said with closed eyes. Enjoying the quiet moment. “Have some die before reaching us.”
“The more we fight, the faster we gather mana. Which makes it more likely that Lady Dungeon grants us an additional level up.” Berlyn casually walked to the large cooler before the facade of a convenience store. It was new and both of her companions didn't seem to have noticed it. She gave the lid a few soft pats before fishing out a popsicle. “And there are other perks. Hmm, I wonder how red potion tastes.”
Like a medley of berries. It was the first time Berlyn had a frozen treat and she wanted to enjoy it. However, the peace and quiet didn't last long.
“Is that a popsicle?” Momo jumped up as she saw what Berlyn was licking. “We have ice cream?”
Berlyn gave the cooler a few more pats but remained quiet. As Momo ran over, she cautiously took a few steps back. It was just in time. Momo slammed open the lid and regretted it instantly. Popsicles spilled out as the plastic and frosted glass shifted into flesh. Momo had barely time to scream as a large tongue coiled around her waist and pulled her half into the cooler.
For a solid minute, Berlyn enjoyed her popsicle and even more the view before her. But nothing lasts forever.
“Aren't you gonna help her?” Remee asked as she fished up a popsicle of her own from the ground and unpacked it beside Berlyn.
“I guess.” Berlyn walked over to the mix of cooler and flesh. Gently rested her hand on it as she said: ”That's enough, Loum. You had your fun.”
It was impressive. Momo sailed a whole three meters away from Loum as it spit her out. To say Momo looked pissed was an understatement. Sitting in a puddle of spit and slime, she just looked about done with the world. Her uniform was drenched and her hair was soaked enough that her puffy afro had turned into an abstract sculpture.
Momo looked miserable as she flung slime from herself. Then she caught Berlyn's amused grin. “You knew. And you didn't warn me.”
Berlyn shook her head in fake sorrow. “Oh, poor Momo. If you wouldn't always rush into things, you might have noticed.”
For a few seconds, Momo was fuming. Then, she got the look of mischief on her. “Loum! Lick!”
Crossing her arms, Berlyn didn't look worried. “Loum knows who is the boss around here. There is no way-”
A long slimy tongue impacted with Berlyn's left cheek and traveled up. Getting a good chunk of hair wet with it. Spit dropped down on her jacket and Berlyn needed a moment to process. She had not seen that coming. But she knew how to deal with insubordination.
“Big mistake, Loum,” she growled as she walked towards her baseball bat. But as Berlyn turned around, the mimic-turned-ice box was nowhere to be seen. Just two chuckling goons who didn't know better. “Don't you start!” Berlyn pointed with her bat at Remee. Then made a disgusted face and spit down. “Urgh, I think I got some in my mouth. Remee, be a dear and get me a soda from the vending machine down there.”
Remee for her part gave a deadpan look back. “I am not Momo. Ain't falling for that one.”
“No good help these days,” Berlyn muttered as she threw up her hands and walked to a souvenir shop. Grabbing one of the t-shirts to towel herself off.
7
Karzord had plenty of experience being a quiet observer. Centuries now, he had been just a bound spirit. Waiting for Lady Dungeon to find a new use for him. Once, he had been Karzord Blackhammer. Dwarven smith and an optional mini-boss. When the adventurers stopped coming, he had been one of the first that Lady Dungeon couldn't afford to keep. Since then, he had been a silent witness to the decline of the dungeon.
A miracle happened and now Karzord was at odds. The dungeon was growing again. Thanks to numerous, but odd adventurers. He witnessed the influence new technology had. And if he hadn't seen the change, he would proclaim this dungeon an entirely new one.
Karzord longed for the day Lady Dungeon would respawn him. But at the same time, he dreaded it. There was a theme and aside from Loum the golem - now a mimic - every dungeon mob had been reinvented as a woman. Chances were Karzord would be no exception.
Idly, he wondered if his friends would even notice the change. Most non-dwarven people couldn't tell apart a male dwarf from a female one. In fact, the change probably wouldn't be as impactful as those for other races. What really worried Karzord was where he would fit into this new theme of a dungeon. He doubted modern shopping malls had a blacksmith as a standard feature. Chance were he had to say goodbye to firing a forge ever again.
But there was still time for Karzord to get used to the idea. Lady Dungeon would need to gather a lot more mana until she was ready to summon him.
Except after two weeks into their new popularity, Karzord suddenly felt a pull on his spirit. He was drawn to an area just newly made. One of the fake shop-fronts now had an interior. A clothing store, he realized. Damn, those dresses looked flimsy. No defensive value at all.
Then, for the first time in two centuries, Karzord respawned.
But not as himself. Immediately, he noticed how high up his viewpoint was. Not a dwarf anymore, he realized with a pang of disappointment. A deep breath with an unfamiliar body and he looked down.
As expected. Karzord was now a woman. Tall and lanky. Soft skin and gentle curves. And a flowery scent that reminded Karzord of-
“Oh, no. She didn't.” Karzord's whisper was soft and melodic.
Slender hands reached up and hesitantly touched his ears.
“SHE MADE ME A FREAKIN’ ELF?”
Berlyn - who just entered the small boutique to welcome an old and new friend - chose in her infinite wisdom to quietly back out. Least the crazy person notices her. Maybe later was a better time.
Indeed, Karzord hadn't spotted her. Too preoccupied with the new changes. Just to be sure, the newly made elf looked at her status. Gone was Karzord Blackhammer. Now, she became Kizari Silverneedle. A fitting name for an elf and for a tailor.
Elven eyes took in the many elegant dresses that lined the walls and hung on shelves. This is what Lady Dungeon had in mind for her? To prance around in flimsy little dresses on these silly high-heeled shoes? Not if Kizari had any word in it!
Fuming, she upended the whole boutique. Searching for anything that might help in her quest. To her delight, she found plenty. Everything a tailor needed. From old-school thread and needle to modern sewing machines. She was even more delighted as she found new fabrics and leather to work with. All of it dyed black. That was more up to Kizari's taste. Not the brightly colored eyesores that crowded the room.
But it was not all hopeless. Kizari had always been creative in her pursuits. That's why she had been a blacksmith and a mini-boss in her previous incarnation. As Karzord Blackhammer, she had created new armor pieces. Powerful ones. But only those who bested Karzord were worthy to take this bounty with them.
Resolute, she wheeled a tailoring mannequin to the middle of the room. First, Kizari needed a base. Yes, one of these dreadful bright dresses had a future. But not all of it. Kizari was liberal in her use of scissors. Most of the dress landed in a heap on the floor. More scraps piled high as Kizari plundered more dresses. Plucking them apart to get a certain cut or just as a template to cut new fabric.
Layers of black joined the dress. PVC, leather, and heavy silk. Details were added. Gems and metallic studs. At last, she stepped away. Her masterwork was complete. Sure, with her limited level and materials, the dress itself was only level six. Still better than everything one might find in the rest of the dungeon.
Despite everything - the change of gender, race, and jobs - Kizari still got it. She had created loot worthy of a mini-boss. Now, she had to prepare for a fight. Back as Karzord Blackhammer, she had animated scraps of metal to become hulking golems. Now, all she had were scraps of fabric. And not enough of them. But as her gaze roamed over the shop, she knew how to remedy that. There were still too many brightly colored dresses untouched by her hand.
A half-hour later, only shreds remained. Now, Kizari was ready. Just in time when four young women entered. By the looks of it, more schoolgirls. This dungeon really had found its audience with them. Kizari didn't mind. She was itching for a fight.
“Come in. Come in.” She gave these wannabe adventurers a toothy grin. “My name is Kizari Silverneedle. And I am an optional mini-boss. You see this dress? It is my latest creation. Beautiful, isn't it.” She grabbed the large oversized scissors that had decorated the door to the backroom. With a twist, the halves came apart. They weren't the sharpest blades, but they would do. And Kizari wouldn't fight alone. With one magic gesture, four fabric golems arose. “You can have my dress. But only if you are worthy!”
A half-hour later, Berlyn dared to enter the boutique again. “Hey. Have you calmed down?”
“Calmed down? I am serenity itself.” Kizari stopped polishing one of her oversized scissor blades with a scrap of fabric. “A good fight will do that. Well, it was nearly a good fight. I was so close to doing two of those in and then they retreated. But I - the great Kizari - prevailed.”
“Great. I just wanted to welcome you back.”
“Wait!” Kizari shouted as Berlyn was about to duck out again. “What are you wearing? Let me see. Come on.” The dungeon boss’ wardrobe got a dismissive once-over. “What level are you now?”
“Four.”
“Four? And you still walk around these rags?” Kizari grabbed Berlyn by the arm and dragged her deeper into her own lair. “We've got to fix that. Unbelievable. Maybe a shorter skirt. Maybe something to prop you up top?”
“I am not flat-chested.” Even to Berlyn herself, it sounded like a whine.
“Of course, not,” Kizari agreed and gave a few pats on the shoulder. “But standing next to Momo and Remee, you might as well be a plank of wood. Now, strip. I've got a lot of work before me.”
Berlyn wound herself out of the grip. “You feel that. I think a new adventurer group arrived. Gotta head to my post. Good to have you. I'll come by. Later.”
Kizari shook her head. “That girl. How did she become a dungeon boss?”
8
The website loads and there is a steady countdown ticking down while cartoon monsters chase across the screen. The side chat is already open and nearly two hundred viewers are already busy chatting up a storm.
The countdown reaches zero and the view changes. It shows a fountain square in a seemingly open-air shopping mall. Viewers know better. This is what the Fossom Fields dungeon looks like nowadays. Before the fountain are three occupied chairs. On the left is the dungeon mob called Momo. To the right is Remee and in the middle is Berlyn-sama. These three mobs aren't just the boss encounter of the Fossom Fields dungeon, but also the faces representing the dungeon to the outside world.
They are clad in their usual mix of school uniforms that are punked up. But here and there are new additions and the side-chat is immediately picking those up and speculating what that means. Even as Berlyn plasters a big smile on her face and officially begins the stream.
“Welcome! To the first live stream from the Fossom Fields dungeon. As promised for reaching ten thousand subscribers on HotVidz. Now, I know it is not the ideal time. Tuesday morning at six AM. We are a dungeon foremost and attacking adventurer groups take priority. For this reason, this livestream might end early. If so, we apologize in advance. But Tuesday morning is usually the least busiest time. We should have about a half hour. Maybe even a full one. So, let's get started.”
“As promised,” Momo said to take over. “We will answer your questions. Not all, but most of them. Some secrets have to be kept for the good of the dungeon. Let's grab one of the questions at random. Here we go. Remee, this is for you. SkirtChaser69 asks - and I believe quite a few others too - when are you finally creating an OnlySimps account?”
Remee gave a perfect vapid giggle before playfully waving it off. “Oh, you. I could never. Well, I could. But to what end? I am a dungeon mob. OnlySimps is for making money, but I simply have no use for it.”
“But who knows?” Berlyn spoke up. “Maybe there are some high-quality posters scattered through the dungeon. Carefully hidden. Like some kind of basilisk egg. But overall, we try to stay PG around here.”
“Aside from the violence,” Momo admitted.
“The blood and gore,” Remee added. “And murdering each other.”
Berlyn gave a curt nod. “Yes. But aside from that, we are very family friendly.” An added wink clued those in who hadn't gathered that Berlyn wasn't one hundred percent serious. “Moving on. Momo. Next question.”
“This one's from TheUndisputedMoonPrincess. What a username.” Momo winced as she scanned ahead, but then cleared her throat to read aloud. “By now I have fallen victim to Loum the mimic a few times - haven't we all? - and I can never spot them in time. Any hints?”
Just as Momo wanted to answer, Remee cut in. “Look out for Momo's flailing legs sticking out of a random object. That's a pretty good sign where Loum is.”
“Oh, you!” Momo growled and shook her fist at Remee.
“Ladies. Calm down,” Berlyn said before this could derail the live stream. “As for the question: mimics can be spotted if you look for the details. No mimic is perfect. Well, Loum comes close, but there are always inconsistencies. And falling for a mimic is pretty common. But I'll give you this: Loum likes to replace objects that are normally present in the dungeon and they rarely mimic the same object twice in a row. Ask the group before you if they encountered Loum. If they did, you know at least one object that is nearly guaranteed to be safe. Remee, the next question, please.”
“PurseOfHolding asks: what's up with that crazed tailor? I mean her works are fire, but we never defeated her. She fights like a complete maniac.”
“Ah, yes. Kizari Silverneedle.” Berlyn gave a slight wince. “Please have patience with her. She used to be a blacksmith, a male, a mini-boss, and a dwarf. Well, she is still a mini-boss, but the first two points changed. That's a lot to get used to. But I think she took the switch to being an elf the hardest. She was really invested in being a dwarf. That can make you a little unhinged, you know?”
Momo cleared her throat again and whispered just loud enough to be overheard. “You do realize Kizari might watch this livestream?”
“Did I say unhinged?” Berlyn was quick to ask with a nervous giggle. “I mean, just a bit unbalanced. Nothing more. I am sure she will get used to her new role soon enough and calm down. Moving on. Next question. Quick.”
A short giggle was stifled before Momo read the next question out loud. “LoomOfDestiny - ominous name - ask: is it just me or is the dungeon's visitor demographic screwed? I normally only see other girls braving the dungeon.”
“Good question. I would say seventy to thirty.” Berlyn looked to her companions for confirmation and as they nodded, she continued. “I would say the dungeon has schoolgirls and young women as a target audience. I mean, most of the loot is made for them. But we get some boys too. They usually come early in the morning or in the evening. Maybe that's why you haven't seen many.”
“And we have Remee's simps,” Momo added. “They usually raid at noon or late at night.”
“Not all come for me, you know?” Remee added level-headed. “Some are there for you too, Momo. Anyway, the chat is busy discussing the last topic. They are wondering if dungeon mobs changing genders is common.”
Berlyn shrugged. “I can only speak for this dungeon. Before the latest change, we all had been men. I won't lie. Being a woman is new for us and it was a little bit of a shock. But we are dungeon mobs. Change happens. We usually get used to new bodies and roles fairly quickly.”
“I had been a woman before,” Remee said as Berlyn paused for breath.
Momo leaned forward. “Really. When? I can't remember seeing a woman before the last remodel. Or maybe I forgot?”
“Remember when the dungeon meta had been goblins? I was a female fire tender in that L-shaped room in the southern wing.”
“Right. Goblins. I remember. That was a long time ago.” Berlyn gave a sage nod and then looked at the camera to address the audience. “When the dungeon was young, it only had beasts as dungeon mobs. Wolves, bears, and such. The first big remodel shifted mostly to goblins. Then, after a century, it was a knight theme with human-like dungeon mobs. And now, we have a shopping mall and a street gang.”
“Oh, we have another good chat message,” Remee said once Berlyn was finished. “Again, to a previous topic. KendoRando writes that not all men visiting the dungeon are creeps. His buddies and he raid the dungeon for gifts for their girlfriends. Aww, chivalry isn't dead. Boys, we have plenty of nice gifts that will score you major browny points with your significant other. Provided you are brave enough.”
“The next one is by MarmaladeOnFire,” Momo said as Berlyn nodded to her. “It reads: From what I can tell, dungeon mobs die a lot. Don't you get tired of it? And it must be pretty painful. How can you stand it?”
“Pain is-” Berlyn scrunched her face. “Look, we dungeon mobs are spirits. The rules for us are different. We do feel pain, but not in the same way you do. For us, it is just a sensation. Neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Similar to touch or hearing. We register it, but it doesn't trigger involuntary reflexes in us. Now, some of you might say you saw a dungeon mob flinch or grimace in pain. Well, to a certain degree, we dungeon mobs are actors. And reacting to pain is expected. But no, we do not see pain as something negative.”
It was Remee's turn to read aloud. “DrakeSlayer asks: Is it just me or is the layout of the Fossom Fields dungeon weird? Most dungeons are a maze and hard to navigate. But Fossom Fields lacks branching-off paths. One can ignore and bypass up to ninety percent of the dungeon and go directly for the boss fights with minimal goons in the way. What's up with that?”
“Uh, yeah. Good question. I wondered the same in the beginning. I mean even our official map is straightforward.” Berlyn unfolded a map that looked like any other layout of a shopping mall. “It is unusual, but it works. To be honest, not every group goes for a boss fight with us anymore. The dungeon opted to have as many mini-boss fights available as possible. Each with their unique reward.”
“Some dip in to raid Aunty Helen at Helen's Corner.” Momo nonchalantly added. “Going for the many treats the convenience store has to offer. And they are happy to abscond with popsicles and candy bars. Others like to challenge Kizari Silverneedle for some unique fashion loot.”
“I personally raid Dungeon Nails a lot.” To underline her point, Remee held up her hands and showed off her painted nails. “They don't just have different nail polish, but make-up too. All exclusive to our dungeon.”
“I still can't believe Genovina's Bistro is so popular,” Berlyn remarked while shaking her head. “For those of you who don't know, Genovina is a rather unusual mini-boss. She offers courses of delightful dishes. But they are all poisoned. If you have acquired a high poison resistance, you are in for a treat. But not many have made it to the desserts. Most tapped out. Voluntary or they run out of health points. Yes, it is a Bistro to die for.”
“I think with eleven mini-bosses, there is something for everyone,” Momo added. “And if something is missing, chances are the dungeon will add it in time.”
“And once the arcade is full?” Berlyn gave a lazy shrug. “Who knows? Lady Dungeon might branch out and create other areas. Return to a more traditional layout. But right now, this layout serves us well. I heard that, at times, there are long waiting times to even get into the dungeon. With a traditional layout, the time spent inside would be longer and the resulting waiting time even more so.”
“Uh, I think the next question slots in nicely at this point.” Momo picked up her smartphone to read it aloud. “How come the Fossom Fields dungeon changed so suddenly and is there a way to spur on other dungeons to do the same?”
“Well, we can't tell too many secrets of the dungeons.” Berlyn leaned forward to the camera and continued in mock hushed tones. “But I will say this. Dungeons learn from those who visit. They need input. Inspiration. The Fossom Fields dungeon had to change when after one hundred years of no visitors at all a new kind suddenly entered. And, you know, sometimes it is worth it to leave something behind for the dungeon. A type of object you desire to find more of. Or maybe a book with content that might inspire. The more data a dungeon has, the more likely it might react.”
“Uh, boss.”
Remee leaned over to show something from her smartphone. As a reaction, Berlyn grew pale but quickly masked it with a nervous laugh.
“Someone from the chat asked why I said Lady Dungeon. Is there some hidden boss or something? No, of course not. That's just a silly joke between us. You see, when the dungeon modernized, we all got turned from men to women. So, a few of us started to joke we should gender-bend the dungeon too. So, now and then, we refer to the dungeon as if being a Lady. Nothing more. Silly insider joke.”
“Speaking of dungeons,” Momo cut in before Berlyn could run her mouth even more. “PotThrower64 wants to know what is the purpose of dungeons?”
“A good question!” Berlyn said a little too loud. “And the answer is: I don't know. No, seriously. I don't. My guess is as good as yours. As a personal theory, I like to think that we help prepare visitors. I mean the gods gave the sentient species stats and the leveling system. Where better to train and gather experience points than some designated area with a high enemy count that remains contained? That's what I like to think we do as dungeon mobs. Help you by providing the opportunity to grow. But is that the truth? No clue, but I like to think so.”
Once again, Remee had monitored the chat and was now urging Berlyn to read it. Immediately, she looked concerned and it grew in intensity as she read on.
“Alright,” she eventually said, facing the camera with as much seriousness as she could muster. “Time for real talk. And this is important. Some of you commented on how nice it is as a dungeon mob. Not really feeling pain, having a purpose, not aging, and we have fun with each other. So, the question came up about how you can become a dungeon mob yourself. The short answer is: you don't.”
Berlyn let a few seconds pass to let her statement sink in. “Now for the long answer. There is a big distinction between sentient species such as you and dungeon mobs. You have a soul and we are wild spirits that have made a compact with the dungeon. It isn't any different than your summoner classes that need something to animate your summons. They entice lesser or greater spirits to animate the creatures they summon. The same for dungeon mobs. You can think of us as contract workers. The dungeon offered a place and we answered the open call.”
“Now, some of you might point out that there are stories out there of fallen adventurers that returned as dungeon mobs. Have their souls been stolen? Have I lied to you?” Berlyn scooted her chair closer to the camera. “Dungeons can't handle souls. That's the truth. But as I said, they learn from you, adventurers. They might create a dungeon mob that resembles a person you know, but it isn't really them. Do not think that if you die within a dungeon your soul will remain there. So, those that just proposed in chat to forgo any resurrection insurance and seek death here in the dungeon, I say this: this will not work. You will die your true death and you will go on to the afterlife. And I guarantee you that-”
She paused as if she had heard a shout off-camera. Then Berlyn scrunched her face again. “Looks like an adventurer group arrived. Time to get back to our duty. But remember: only enter a dungeon with your soul bound to a method of resurrection. Don't be a fool. I will make a PSA vid later. But for now, we sadly have to end the stream. Until next time.”
9
“Let them come! I am itching for a fight.”
Berlyn could understand Momo's sentiment. Business was good and the mana was flowing. After the last group, Lady Dungeon rewarded them with a level-up. Momo and Remee were now level five, while Berlyn had reached level seven. Again. It was a far cry from the high levels they used to have. Back when they had been Sir Berous and his lancers Moran and Sarlem. Far had the dungeon fallen in the last century, but now they made good progress building back up again.
A small ding came from Remee's smartphone. “Looks like you might get your wish. Got a message from one of the mini-bosses. Intruder is going directly for us. Ignoring all the mini-bosses.”
“Only one? That's either bravery or stupidity.” Of course, Berlyn could imagine another reason. No matter how high one leveled, there was always someone stronger. But this lone intruder might have miscalculated. Because the Trio just had a level up each and we're stronger than they had ever been since the remodel. “No matter. Don't get sloppy or take it easy.”
As the single adventurer appeared, Berlyn couldn't believe her eyes. It was a young girl who wore a military uniform one size too big. The olive drab was covered in pink ribbons and netting. Somehow complimenting instead of clashing. Her long hair - also dyed pastel pink - was styled into twin ponytails that had plenty of curls. Two cat ears poked out of her mane. Berlyn thought they might be real until she saw the headband that kept them in place. To round off the absurdity, the girl of maybe thirteen or fourteen years carried a large stuffed bunny with her.
“Heya! Oh my gosh. It is really you. Berlyn-sama! Momo and Remee. I am such a fan.” Caught in this unfamiliar situation, the Trio slowly retreated. But for each step, their fan took two or three. “Say, can we take a selfie?”
“Sure,” Berlyn hesitantly agreed. This wasn't the first time they had been asked for one. However, this time they were left unbalanced and bewildered. “You know this is a dungeon, right?” Berlyn asked as the girl snapped the first of a few photos. “Do your parents know you are here? How old are you anyway?”
“Dad knows,” the girl replied absent-mindedly. Browsing through the pictures and seeing how they turned out. “He says I should go easy on you guys.”
“Easy on us? Listen, girl, this is a dungeon. You shouldn't be here. It is dangerous. Because we are dungeon mobs and even if you are a child, we ain't going easy on you.”
“I'll be fifteen in a month.” The girl stepped a few paces away but jumped there on the spot with unbridled energy. “And I really want to fight you. Dad says you only really know someone you faced in battle.”
Berlyn looked at Remee - who shrugged in return - and Momo. Both looked confounded by the situation. But they were dungeon mobs. They had a job to do. Berlyn grabbed her baseball bat. “You asked for it.”
Even more excitement exploded onto the girl's face. “Momo! Catch!”
Momo caught the rabbit plushie more by instinct than anything else. It was a mistake. As soon as she made contact, the bunny burst into an enormous pink dust cloud. From head to toe, Momo was pink and only her eyes stood out. Blinking rapidly as if she couldn't believe what just happened.
That the explosion of dust left a Momo-shaped silhouette behind their companion was lost on Remee and Berlyn. They sprang into action immediately. Berlyn had her bat ready and Remee was quick to extend her barton.
The girl was rather calm as two weapons arced her way. Berlyn's bat was blocked by an arm. Not near the tip, but close to the handle. Robbing it of most of the momentum and leverage. Stepping even closer to Berlyn, the girl outright evaded Remee's swing and had the audacity to trip her with a strategically placed foot.
Remee went down in a heap and before Berlyn could comprehend it, she joined her. Suddenly finding herself grabbed, her world turned upside down, and then flying through the air. While squishy, Remee was not a nice place to land. Or rather, forcefully smash into.
“You!” While Berlyn and Remee tried to untangle themselves from each other, Momo regained her senses. She also looked pissed. Shaking some of the dust off, Momo looked like a mushroom shedding spores. That she wore an afro only intensified the resemblance. Knuckle-dusters were slipped on. “You will regret that!”
Teen or no teen, Momo showed that she wasn't holding back. Going for brutal and quick strikes. It helped little as the girl easily evaded each punch. Like water, she flowed where Momo wasn't. Always being a step ahead of the dungeon mob.
Just as Remee and Berlyn got up, a Momo sailed through the air. Bowling over Remee. She might have struck Berlyn too, but the dungeon boss managed to dodge at the last moment. Grabbing her baseball bat, Berlyn regarded her opponent. The girl might be young, but she fought like she had a few levels on them. And aside from the exploding plushie, she had only used martial arts to deal with them.
As much as it smarted to lose to a tween, Berlyn recognized the likely outcome. Centuries of experience told her just that. It changed the dynamic of the fight. Their goal was not to kill the invader anymore. Now they had to stretch out the fight and make the girl spend as much mana as possible.
“Mana,” Berlyn hissed at her companions. They would know what the order meant. Then she prepared for a new assault.
“Parlay!” The girl suddenly exclaimed. “I demand a parlay.”
Berlyn stopped the minuscule momentum she had from the dash she was just about to execute. “What's a parlay?”
“Pirate term,” Remee said. Looking worse for wear after having gotten up the second time. There was no mirror nearby or Remee would get furious about her ruined make-up. Instead, she was free to explain. “I think it means something like an armistice. A lull in a fight to negotiate.”
“We aren't a pirate dungeon.” Even speaking it, Berlyn knew her statement was childish. “Fine. Say your piece.”
The girl straightened up and for the first time since entering the dungeon, she looked serious. “I have a gift.”
Remee clapped. “I like gifts.”
“Her last gift blew up in my face,” a grumpy Momo pointed out. As if the pink dust - now partially on Berlyn and Remee too - wasn't enough of a reminder.
“It's for Lady Dungeon.” The girl's statement brought any banter to a halt. “That's what you call her, isn't it? I know dungeons have avatars, but they are rarely seen. So, most dismiss it as a rumor. But I found sources.” For a moment, she stopped to grab her olive military backpack that had a pink camouflage pattern sprayed onto it. From its depth, she produced a journal that bulged with additional scraps and photos added in. “This is for her. I know dungeon mobs don't like people visiting the dungeon core. So, I won't. Will you take my gift to her for me?”
For a moment, Berlyn hesitated. She was perplexed. Had she given too many details away on the livestream? No, she never had mentioned that dungeons had avatars. And the girl sounded very sure of herself. She was knowledgeable to a degree that made Berlyn uncomfortable. She wanted the invader out and there was one way to achieve this goal.
“I can't confirm that this dungeon has an avatar,” Berlyn said cautiously, but then stepped forward and held out her hand. “But I will take your gift and present it.”
The girl gave a serious nod that looked misplaced on a young face like hers. The journal switched hands and then the girl walked past the group. Suddenly bright and cheerful again.
“Thanks!” She waved enthusiastically while walking backward to the dungeon entrance. “It was nice to meet you all. Let's do this again when you have gained a few more levels. Sorry about the powder, Momo, oh and Remee, my friends love your make-up tutorials. See you soon Berlyn-sama.”
And then, the girl skipped off. Leaving behind three very confused dungeon mobs. All this for a journal as a gift. Was it a trap? Some kind of danger? Berlyn eyed the journal critically. The binding was pink and in purple letters, it proclaimed ‘tactical kawaii’ on the front. The whole journal was a mess of stitched-together ideas and materials. Fabric and stickers were glued onto the pages. In between were sentence fragments and detailed drawings. Showing off outfits just like the girl had been wearing. Military and combat-oriented, but twisted into the cute with lace, plush, and plenty of pastel colors.
The journal was ordinary in material and Berlyn could detect no foreign magic on it. Utterly harmless. A part of her wanted to throw the journal into the trash. Just on principle. Berlyn didn't understand the gift or its intention. But it was a gift. To Lady Dungeon no less. And as such, it had to be presented.
A lot of the dungeon had changed, but the core room had been a steady presence in its simplicity. For centuries, the only real difference had been the steadily growing size of the crystal that commonly was referred to as a dungeon core. Surrounded by rough stone. Last time, there had been an unexpected addition. A wire basket with the sign “lost & found”. A necessity, Berlyn reasoned.
Stepping now into the core room, Berlyn barely recognized it. Gone was the misshapen natural form. Instead, it was square. White marble columns in the corners did well to frame the room. Contrasting with the dark marble tiles that lined the floor and walls. A thick red carpet led Berlyn past framed pictures to the highlight of the room. There it was. The dungeon core still dominated one rockface. But now it was cordoned off by a thick red rope. Modern lamps illuminated the room, but it was still evident that much more of the dungeon core was lit up from within. Having regained some of the mana lost in the past months that had been lost in the last century. Floating over two small pedestals, two smartphones were in heavy use as text, video, and pictures flitted across their screen.
“Lady Dungeon.” Berlyn bowed deep. Clutching the journal in her hands. “I am sorry to disturb you. There was a visitor. She left a present for you.”
Even as a dungeon boss, Berlyn was hesitant to visit the core. Normal mobs stayed away. Now, she wondered how to proceed. A gift was unheard of. Normally, if Lady Dungeon took notice of a worthwhile item, she used magic to transport it to the core room.
It took a moment, but a third small pedestal rose from the ground in front of the core. Berlyn took it as a sign and placed the journal there. Another deep bow and she left the room.
She didn't have to look back to know the journal was lifted up. That thin strand of magic connected it to the dungeon core. Lady Dungeon was always eager to learn more.
10
“Come on. Come on. Come on.”
Momo's urging was in vain as Remee got another text. “No dice this time either. They raided the convenience store. Now on their way out. Guess we aren't needed again.” With a shrug, she returned to painting her nails.”
Momo flung herself on one of the nearby plastic chairs and crossed her arms over her ample chest. “Why did Lady Dungeon make so many mini-bosses? Hardly anyone is coming for us anymore. Berlyn-sama! Maybe we should do another loot advertisement? Show what people can win here.”
“Sure.” Berlyn didn't even look up from her smartphone. Lazily doom-scrolling through meaningless content. It wasn't just Momo or Remee who were bored. “Later. And don't guess at Lady Dungeon's motives. She has her reasons.”
All three looked up when a barely felt wave traveled through the dungeon. A vibrating note passed them by and headed in the direction of the entrance. The air pricked and their hair in their arms stood up. They all knew the feeling. Change was in the air.
“Oh, Momo. Now you have done it,” Remee said in a mocking consolatory tone. “You angered Lady Dungeon. Now the dungeon is changing. Maybe you too. Hope she is merciful, or you might end up as a giant rat in a sewer sublevel.”
Momo threw her a look that was half glare and half i-get-your-joke-but-it-ain't-funny. “If so, I'll come by and bite you.”
“Shush.” Berlyn stood up. “Lady Dungeon isn't like others. There has never been a demeaning demotion here and I doubt she will start now.” It was normal for Berlyn to check out changes inside the dungeon, but now she felt a familiar pull that urged her. “Come on. Let's check it out.”
Both her companions nodded. They must feel it too. The urging to move. Dungeon mobs knew on an instinctual level just where exactly they were stationed. Theirs just had changed. It didn't mean they weren't allowed to roam, but if adventurers entered, they better be in their positions.
Their goal was close to the entrance. Had they been demoted? Berlyn had thought they did well. But now, looking at her status, the designation of her role was empty. A horrible feeling in her stomach developed and it grew as Nippa and Claudia - by fans of the dungeon also known as Tipsy and Clawdia - passed them by.
“What's going on?” Nippa asked as they passed each other. “We leveled up twice and our new roles are gang leaders.”
“Beats me.” Berlyn shrugged while she walked backward to continue their brief talk. “I think I am still the end boss. Maybe Lady Dungeon is building a second level?”
“But second levels come after the first,” Claudia pointed out.
Berlyn could only give another shrug. “Is any of this new dungeon layout traditional?”
A moment later, they left the area of the mock open-air shopping arcade. Here, the dungeon started, but a new addition became quickly apparent. A new path forked off from the little street that led from the entrance to the regular dungeon.
Right in the middle of the fork stood a signpost that caught their attention. An arrow to the left said “Easy” in bright neon-green letters and pointed to the mall area. New graffiti announced this area to be claimed by a gang called the tipsy-slashers.
“I think this is us,” Momo said with a newfound bright smile. She pointed at the other arrow. With angry red paint, it said: “Hard.”
“Must be,” Berlyn agreed. “Let's see what Lady Dungeon has in store for us.”
The path to their new post was littered with advertisements of many kinds. Billboards and posters clued them in that they were heading to the Fossom Fields Arena. Taunting adventurers were banners and signposts that declared “Berlyn-chan and the Heavy Knockers” as the reigning champions. The arena even had a mascot. A cartoonish mix between a cat and a red panda. With a color scheme of pastel pink and purple.
Berlyn expected a stadium for sporting events, but the description was apt for the old definition: fit for gladiatorial fights. Entering through a small lobby, Berlyn and her group entered an oval expanse. She ignored the two lines of cheap plastic spectator seats and entered her new home turf.
Her shoes squeaked slightly on the heavily coated concrete floor and she took in the unusual sight. The area was littered with barricades and hurdles. Creating a maze of a kind. These defensive obstructions didn't even look very sturdy. Made with sheets of glued and pressed wood - her mind supplied the term plywood - or sacks of leather imitation filled with sand or even air. No, they wouldn't last long in a serious onslaught. But they would break up the field of vision for anyone who dared to enter. The drawback was that it obstructed Berlyn's sight too.
Worse, her whole group relied on melee weapons. While the layout allowed her to sneak up on enemies, it enabled the same for her foes. There had to be some kind of trick to it. If only Berlyn knew what Lady Dungeon had in mind.
“I don't get the paint,” Remee muttered aloud as she stepped close to one of the hurdles in the arena. Splotches of random colorful paint were scattered over every surface. There was no rhyme or reason to them. “It's like a maniac flung goblets of paint here.”
“Oh! I know what this is!” Momo suddenly exclaimed. “I saw videos. It's called paintball. They have these guns that shoot small paint-filled orbs that splash when they hit something.”
“Lady Dungeon expects us to-”
Whatever Remee was about to say was cut off as change came over her. She remained the same, but her outfit and gear shifted into a new form. Remee nearly lost her balance as her shoes gained small wheels below her soles. These inline skaters - as they later found out they were called - were mostly white with metallic pink and blue accents. This color scheme continued upwards. Overknee socks clad most of her legs and the rest was hidden underneath a short frilly skirt. Remee's belly was unprotected as she wore only a belted halter top. Her long blond hair - now with pastel pink and blue highlights - was styled into twin pigtails.
Her equipment was different too. By now, Berlyn knew what pistols were. But the two pistols Remee held up looked only vaguely like the deadly implements she knew from movies and television. Instead of a normal magazine, it appeared to have a cylinder. And on top sat a large hopper that rattled when Remee unhooked the weapons from her belt and lifted them up.
“Those are paintball guns,” Momo clarified. “How are you supposed to fight with those? They sting, but don't do real damage.”
Remee shrugged. Then lined up the guns to aim for one of the barricades.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
Little balls raced through the air and splattered on impact. All three expected more splotches of colorful paint. They found themselves disappointed in the best way. The balls of the left gun left some clear fluid that soon started to bubble and hiss. Eating itself into the material. The ammo of the second gun exploded into a fine green miasma. Lingering in the area for foolish people to step into.
“An acid and a poison cloud. Nice!” Remee grinned. Clearly pleased with her new load out. “Oh, Momo. Looks like it is your turn.”
Momo was too busy with her transformation to comment. Just like with Remee, it started low. Her shoes morphed and then gained wheels. Unlike Remee's, hers were two pairs of wheels on each shoe. Momo had her own color scheme that revealed itself as her closing morphed into a unitard with high cutouts for her legs and a deep cleavage. It was pastel pink with cyan trim and complimented her dark skin nicely.
In addition, she gained a mix of a belt and a very short skirt. Not hiding anything, but giving her own pair of paintball guns a place to hook into. Her lovely afro they had gotten used to seeing flattened and braided itself into need cornrows that transitioned to fine long braids. It gave Momo a fierce and sporty look.
Giving her own paintball guns a good look, Momo raised a single eyebrow. To confirm her suspicion, she fired a few shots with one of her pistols. It left wide splotches of black sticky residue. No one of the trio dared to touch it. Being sure it would glue them to the surface. Her other gun shot bright red balls that burst into small gouts of flame. A combo revealed itself as she hit one of the tar patches. A larger explosion sent a wave of heat over the area. What remained of the tar was aflame and looked like it would burn for a while.
“My turn,” Berlyn said while rubbing her hands in anticipation. Hopefully, her upgrade would be good. Remee and Momo had towered over her before. But now, with roller and inline skates, they gained even more of a height advantage. It was time to change that.
A familiar prickling sensation clued Berlyn in that it was starting. Only to give her a shock as Remee and Momo grew even taller. No, she was shrinking. That was not fair. Her whole wardrobe changed and it became apparent that she wouldn't be as scantily dressed as her minions.
Her heels were slightly raised as she found herself wearing a curious mix of Mary-Jane's with combat boots. It was colored gray with pink accents. Going up, she wore striped thigh-high socks. Gray and pink again. Her mini skirt had layers to it. The lowest was a solid textile. Above which rested two layers of camouflage netting. These wouldn't hide anything as the gray and pink didn't really blend with the background of the arena.
Her top might have counted for a military fatigue, if it had fewer bows and ribbons. Not to mention a more traditional camouflage pattern and colors. Pastel kittens of all kinds hardly fit the military norm, but could dazzle the eyes too.
Unlike Remee's and Momo's weapons, hers weren't hooked to a belt. Instead, Berlyn had two shoulder holsters. Of course, in pink. The gun within contrasted with their matte black finish. These looked more like the weapons Berlyn had seen in movies and television. Had she real weapons? Curious, she pulled it out and studied it in detail.
They looked very real, but she noticed a few key differences. The muzzle was too small for regular bullets and instead of a known gun manufacturer, the engravings said: “ProDungeon Airsoft.”
“What's Airsoft?” Berlyn asked aloud. “That doesn't sound very dangerous.”
“No, it is actually more dangerous, I would say.” After a moment, Momo got the hint that she might want to explain too. “Airsoft is a bit like paintball. Instead of a ball of paint, it uses pressurized air to propel a small pellet forward. Because it is so small and the pressure is higher, people say they hurt a lot more if you get it. But here? Who knows? Paintball isn't supposed to be played with acid and poison either.”
“Only one way to find out.” Berlyn took careful aim and squeezed the trigger. From movies and TV, she expected a mighty kickback, but the Airsoft gun barely bucked in her hands. Just like with the paintball gun, the sound was more along the lines of Pops, instead of Bangs. Just higher in pitch. But the result-
Seeing the impact sites made Berlyn smile. Small the pellets might be, but they packed a punch. They outright pierced through the plywood. Leaving surprisingly large holes in their wake. But they had nothing on the sand-filled obstacles. Here, fist-sized impact craters hemorrhaged sand.
That gave Berlyn reason to grin like a hungry wolf. “Now, that is an upgrade.”
“Aww, you look so cute when you smile like that. Come on. Let me-”
Remee's hand reached out for Berlyn's head. The dungeon boss was about to protest, but it fell away as Remee's slender fingers started to scritch behind her ears. It was such a wonderful feeling Berlyn didn't know she could experience. For the moment, she was in heaven. Then her reasoning returned. How exactly was Remee scratching her behind not just one ear, but two at the same time? With only one hand. Did it matter?
A purring sound filled Berlyn's ears. Vibrated through her skull. And to her surprise, she found out that it originated from within her. Radiating out from her throat. That broke the spell and Berlyn swatted the offending hand away. “Stop that!” Berlyn gave Remee an angry glare. It had felt wonderful and a part of her already missed it. Making herself mad at herself for interrupting it. “I am not some pet you can play around with. I am your boss.”
Remee gave a pout that was record-breaking in its intensity. “But you appeared to like it. Come here, Kitty. Let me put you again.”
Berlyn retreated another step while swatting the next attempt to pet her away. Then it dawned on her. “Kitty?” Berlyn reached up. There weren't ears where normal ears belonged. Instead, she found them higher on her head. “I have cat ears?”
“And a cat's tail,” Momo pointed out. Literally, as she pointed just behind Berlyn. “You appear to be some kind of cat-girl hybrid. And a cute one. I kind of want to pet you myself.”
Indeed. A pink tail swished behind Berlyn. Now that she was aware of it, she could feel it too. This was ridiculous. What kind of dungeon boss was cute? She was supposed to be fierce, big, and scary. And why pink? On a hunch, she picked up a strand of hair and looked at it. As expected, gone was her black mane. Pastel pink was her new look.
This was not good. Remee and Momo appeared to lose the fight to not pet her. Slowly crowding her. And then there would be more scritches. Berlyn couldn't have that. In truth, she might not be able to resist next time her ears were attacked. She needed a distraction. And quick.
“Loooooouuuuuummmm!”
The large bellowing shout made the three of them look around. From the entrance, they saw movement. A large creature ducked to get through the passage. Then it stood up and Berlyn came face to face with the mascot of the area. A five-and-a-half meter tall plush hybrid of cat and red panda. Slowly making its way over to the trio in a waddle.
“Loum, is that you?”
“Looouuum.”
This was unusual. Not that Loum was a golem of some kind. They had been one for centuries. While golems weren't the fastest creatures, they weren't as slow as Loum now was. Taking one tiny step on its stubby legs after another. It wasn't unusual to have strange proportions either. Normally, limbs would be longer for greater reach and stride. And the head would be smaller. To give attackers less chance of hitting something vital.
Loum now was the opposite. Stubby legs - for a creature of Loum's size, a meter was well short - and arms that couldn't even touch each other. They didn't even have hands. Appearing more like fluffy flippers of a dolphin or whale. The body was large and had some girth to it. But it was overshadowed by the huge head. Large cartoonish eyes looked around and clearly, it wasn't practical to have enormous ears.
Berlyn couldn't figure out how Loum was to attack foes. They were slow and didn't have the reach to do much of anything. The size provided them with a decent pool of hitpoints and surely their plush exterior could dampen some hits. But it also made them an easy target. Maybe if Loum managed to fall onto someone, the body check might cause some damage.
“Loooouuuum.”
They appeared to be happy as it reached the group. And then Berlyn saw why. Large cartoonish eyes had clocked Momo nearby. What was it with the golem's affection for Berlyn's right-hand woman? Loum's large mouth turned to a giant grin. Slowly opening further and further. The fleshy cavity that opened up reached nearly from ear to ear and was horrifying enough. The rows and rows of shark-like teeth didn't help either. What really made Berlyn nearly shit her panties was the large prehensile tongue that emerged and aimed to lick Momo.
While shocked, Momo reacted immediately and avoided slime and hurt as she skated off on her roller skates. A good thing, as Loum's tongue had entirely too many barbed teeth embedded in it. Right now, Berlyn felt so blessed to not need sleep. If she did, surely Loum's maw would haunt them. And then Berlyn understood. Loum had been a golem and a mimic in the past. But now, they were both. An unassuming creature that could split to catch the unwary.
“Alright! Settle down.” It was time to get the show on the road. Berlyn knew that a new adventurer group could enter at any time. “Loum, welcome to the team, but please stop trying to lick Momo. And don't try to lick me either. Just to be clear.” Loum turned to Remee who was quick to nope out by crossing her arms in a big X.
“Let's recap so we are prepared for a fight.” Berlyn waited for the group to gather. And for Loum to spool in their tongue. “Alright. Loum is our tank. Most adventurers might underestimate them based on their slow movement and lack of evident weapons. We can use that. Momo and Remee. Your weapons have range, but it is limited. But you have speed. Perfect for flanking. Especially here in the arena. What I want you to do is strike and scoot. Taunt the enemy. Your goal is to get whoever is foolish enough into Loum's reach.”
Berlyn revived nods all around. “Good. I won't be staying back either. My guns allow me for quite a good range and damage. And given my small body, I can use the barricades for excellent cover. Yes, it is coming together. I think I know what Lady Dungeon has in mind. All we have to do is be tactical about-”
She fell quiet as the epiphany hit her. It hadn't even been a week since that young girl had wiped the floor with them and left her gift. A journal about Tactical Kawaii. She actually had to look up what Kawaii was. Something about being cute, cuteness, and the culture around it. Now she remembered the many details of the journal. Made real on her person and in aspects all around the arena. Part of Berlyn was angry. She didn't ask to be a cat-girl. Or to be cute. In fact, it was humiliating. But she was a dungeon mob and if Lady Dungeon wanted her to be this, Berlyn would deal with it.
“Berlyn-chan?” Remee looked concerned.
“Nothing,” Berlyn said briskly. “I just realized something. Doesn't matter. So, we have to practice working together. Any questions or suggestions?”
Animated, Momo raised her arm. “Sort of. What you got in your backpack.”
Right. She was wearing a backpack. It was on the smaller side. Taking it off, Berlyn saw it was utilitarian in nature. Meant to be expanded as needed with velcro patches and belt extensions. Fit for the military, if it weren't for the many cute keychain figurines that dangled from it. Of course, patches and ribbons further plunged it in the direction of Kawaii. There was only one compartment to open.
“A plushie?” Remee asked as Berlyn withdrew one.
“A few,” Berlyn confirmed. But this plushie was kind of heavy. And as she turned it around, she spotted a metal ring. That gave her a mischievous grin. “Fire in the hole,” she shouted before pulling the ring and attached pin. Then threw the plushie past a barricade.
An explosion rocked the arena. One moment the barricade was there. The next, it was leveled. Raining debris on them. Not that Berlyn minded. Her smile turned wolfish. “Grenades. I can work with that.”
11
The smoke of the plush-grenade cleared bit by bit. Berlyn aimed her guns and expected her foe to jump out any second now. They were close. So close. Level-ups and new gear were one thing. But working together did make or break a team. This time, she thought they had done great. Until the battle slipped into chaos. She had no idea where Remee and Momo were. She could still see Loum up in the distance, but the golem was weak to ranged attacks. Easy pickings for a seasoned adventurer group.
Mentally, she willed the smoke to clear faster.
Any moment now.
Nothing.
The last wisps dissipated and revealed no enemy. At least, none standing. There were parts of her target. Scattered around. Their hit points had to have been lower than she had thought. Not for the first time Berlyn was bemused by how hit points worked. Until depleted, a body could shrug off pretty much anything and keep going. But once the hit points hit zero, any body pretty much begged to come apart at the seams.
Her foe was defeated, but Berlyn couldn't relax yet. There were still enemies around. Mentally, she counted down. The adventurers had entered as a group of five. One, they picked off together as an ambush. While being chased, they led the group to Loum, who got a struggling snack out of it. Probably not a very nice way to die.
But then, her team got split up. Each of them being hunted down by one of theirs. Now that Berlyn was triumphant, she had to support her teammates. Provided they were still standing and fighting. Both were big If's.
A strangled cry to her right made Berlyn twist around. An adventurer - more like a hobbyist dungeon runner - came out flailing. Berlyn didn't even need to act. He was clawing at the remains of his gas mask. Chewed through by acid and dumped full of green slime that still vaporized into a green deadly mist. Not five steps away from Berlyn, the poor sod stumbled and fell. A second later, the poison had done its deed.
“Nice work, Remee,” Berlyn said sotto voce.
“Thanks!” Worse for wear, but smiling, the pale beauty skated to the clearing. Skillfully doing slalom around debris and craters. Bloodied, but not beaten, she gave a big smile. “I count four down. Where is Momo?”
“Let's find-”
Nearby, a fireball exploded. Sending a big cloud of black smoke up. Whatever the source was came closer. And it was screaming in panic.
The last adventurer tried to run past Berlyn and Remee. But it was hard going. The poor man was truly tared, but not feathered. Instead, he dragged one of the large arena banners with him. Glued to him by copious amounts of tar. Courtesy of Momo. And he was clearly running for his life.
“Hey guys!” Momo stopped before her companions. “One moment.” She carefully aimed and let out a single shot.
The projectile hit and the banner caught on fire and started to slowly inched towards the ill-fated man. Reminding Berlyn very much of a fuse. Then, he was around the corner.
“Don't worry,” Momo assured them. “He won't get-”
Another explosion and Momo grinned like a maniac. Pumping her fist in victory. “Finally! That's my fourth try.”
“Your fourth try?” Remee echoed before Berlyn could. “Did no one teach you not to play with your food?”
“Well, it's Loum's food. Not mine.” Even to Momo, the excuse sounded flimsy.
“Looouuum!” As if called, the golem slowly lumbered closer. Snatching up displaced limbs from Berlyn's last victim. They truly had earned their snack. Large chunks had been blasted off their plush skin and one of the arms was outright cut off.
“What horrible ways to die.” Berlyn's musing didn't last long. Putting it away with a shrug. “Then again, we are dungeon monsters.” Not to mention that adventurers had pain-mitigating skills and access to resurrection magic. “Wait. That was the last one? Does that mean we finally succeeded in defending the dungeon again?”
Despite a level up, new weapons, and abilities they had been overrun the first few times. But the last battle had been a fair fight and the tactics they had come up with finally paid off.
As the arena started to repair, they knew it was over. Cheers broke out among the group. Finally! It had been centuries since their last victory. Not one of the truces when a group retreated, but a group wipe that left no adventurer standing.
Quite suddenly, Remee and Momo grew quiet. Their attention was caught by something behind Berlyn. Even Loum ceased all movement and mimicked a statue. Was there a new adventurer group already?
Slowly, Berlyn turned around.
Like walking on a cloud, Lady Dungeon had entered the arena. Gone was the heavy medieval dress. Instead, she wore a silken evening gown that rivaled those of celebrities who attended a gala or movie premiere. But no superstar could compare to the beauty Lady Dungeon radiated.
With measured elegant steps, she walked over to Berlyn. Never before had the two met. So far, Lady Dungeon had only appeared when her guards had been defeated. This was unusual and the surprises kept coming for Berlyn.
Lady Dungeon bestowed upon her a smile that made Berlyn's legs grow weak and drowned her in brilliance. Berlyn's eyes grew wide as Lady Dungeon lifted her arm and let her hand rest on Berlyn's head.
“How cute.” Lady Dungeon's voice was even more angelic and melodic than Berlyn had ever dreamed of. Her next words she nearly missed as Lady Dungeon started to pet her. Giving scritches behind her ears. “I am very proud of you. Well done.”
It was heaven. Lasting only seconds that felt like an eternity, yet ended too soon. As Lady Dungeon stepped away, Berlyn was dazed with happiness. Still, she managed a curtsy. Then she fought down her jealousy as Lady Dungeon walked to Remee and Momo in turn. Both got a one-arm hug. Even Loum earned a pat against the romp.
Stepping away, Lady Dungeon turned to regard her victorious group of champions. Another brilliant smile. Then she addressed Berlyn one last time. “So cute!” And in a display of sparkling light, she vanished.
With a fast-beating heart and wide eyes, Berlyn turned around. “Guys, Lady Dungeon noticed me.”
Berlyn's grin was mirrored by Remee and Momo. As they reached up to pat Berlyn's head, for once, she didn't protest. This was perfect. The highlight of her life. It made every boring moment of waiting for adventurers and every death worth it. A culmination of the past five centuries. And Berlyn couldn't be happier.
Epilog
Kizari Silverneedle slowly circled her latest creation. It wasn’t done. There was still something missing that would tie it all together. Not more studs. There were already plenty. Maybe-
The door to Kizari’s shop slammed open. Adventurers? Kizari hadn’t expected any. Usually, she got a minute or two of preparation as a warning message would be sent to her smartphone. But it was no group of adventurers looming in the doorway to her shop. Instead, a pink-haired cat-girl entered.
“Oh, my. Berlyn-chan? Is that you? I heard of your recent change.” Kizari knew now was her time to strike. “Have you come to take me up on my offer? I can make you look badass. Fierce and deadly. Granted, your new look might make it a little harder, but nothing I can’t account for.”
Slowly, the cat-girl walked closer. Slightly trembling. In anger? Kizari couldn’t quite read the emotion. Not until Berlyn reached her. Suddenly bawling, Berlyn-chan reached for her while collapsing on the floor. “Lady Dungeon. She noticed me. I am cute, she says. But I need more. Kizari! I need to be cuter. Cosplay? Have you heard of cosplay? I need to be Kawaii!”
Bemused, Kizari sank to her knees. Looking down on the dungeon boss that was technically her superior. “Of course. I’ll make you so cute, that no one will be able to resist you.”
“Really?” Berlyn-chan looked up with big and hopeful eyes.
“Of course,” Kizari assured her but wished she was as confident as she had said it. For the catgirl before her was already so cute. And Kizari? Her designs were badass. Punk and metal. Could she do cute? Yes. Kizari didn’t know how, but she was a legendary tailor after all. “I will make sure Lady Dungeon will notice you even more.”
Outro
Once, the town of Fossom Fields had been known far and wide. For it was close to a popular dungeon. But then mankind moved on. Technologies were invented and the need for goods looted from dungeons dimmed. The popularity of Fossom Fields waned and hardly anyone ever visited its dungeon anymore. Until no adventurer even remembered it.
Until a century later a chance encounter changed everything. Not adventurers, but schoolgirls on a dare braved the depths of the forgotten dungeon. And with it came change. Growths. Now plenty of people a flocking to Fossom Fields. Instead of adventurers, it is teens and young adults. Vying not for old loot, but swag. As the dungeon had changed.
Gone were labyrinthian tunnels and dark and gloomy encounters. Instead, one might mistake it for a shopping mall. Boasting with exotic goods defended by excentric mini-bosses. If one could reach those, for a gang of young women defended their turf.
But the strangest occasion was when there was a pause in the mass of adventurous visitors. Deep in the dungeon - past a paintball arena with the most deadly encounter - was a single room that could have been at home in any fine art museum. Here, two heavily endowed beauties would recount the latest fierce battles they had fought. Their audience was a woman of such glamor and refinement, that most mortals would call her a goddess by those measures alone.
The lady of the dungeon would always sit on a marble bench, while her entertainers regalled her with fierce reenactment. But she was not alone. More often than not, the head of a pink-haired catgirl would rest on her lap. Gently purring as her head got petted. And got so many scritches, that she felt in heaven.
The end.
Author's Note
Dear Readers,
Thank you for making it through another of my stories. This one was so much fun to write. The very idea of envisioning a dungeon in modern times was so intriguing. I hope I did the concept justice and you had as much fun as I had.
I would also like to thank my readers and discord members who voted for this story idea. If you don’t know: members of my discord server can vote on which story I will write next. If you would like to have a say in it, you may join under the following link: Cassy's Library
Alas, this story is over. But who knows? Maybe the concept lives on. I could envision other dungeons and how they could be dragged to modern times. But that is for another day.
Or is it?
Thanks for reading.
Cassy Bee.
Bonus Scene!
In a dungeon a few cities away from Fossom Fields...
Count Rudeanu awoke to thirst. That wasn’t unusual. Rarely, if ever, his thirst was truly quelled. Only diminished by the blood of fresh and foolish adventurers. Have new ones arrived? Ages. It had been so long since the last had visited him and his dungeon. Time he had spent in a nearly death-like sleep.
But now he awoken and the thirst was back. Count Rudeanu swore he would make the adventurers pay for waking him up. And reward them, by giving them the sweat reward of sucking their blood to the last drop.
But just as Count Rudeanu was about to open his coffin, he noticed a few strange details. His body felt strange. Not unusual after decades - maybe even a century - of sleep. But the great weight on his chest felt different. And since when was his stone coffin lined with velvet?
With rising confusion channeled into anger, Count Rudeanu used his mind to push open the lid and raise himself from his coffin.
Only to nearly stumble.
What manner of shoes did he wear that he had raised heels? Wait, what was wrong with his body. Was he a woman? Such large breasts he hadn’t seen in centuries. Now on him? Her? Was that a dress she was wearing instead of stately garments as before?
“What is all this?” the reborn vampire count demanded to know.
Three mortals were quick to rush by. To fall on their knees in servitude. Rudeanu knew them. Sanda, Anica, and Camelia. Once his brides and vampires of their own. Now, they were mortals. Dressed in skimpy lace. Her maids?
“My Lady Rudeanu, the dungeon has changed,” Anica volunteered. Not daring to look up. Was it submission or the knowledge of how angered their master-turned-mistress was.
“I can see that!” Countess Rudeanu snapped. At least, she was still of nobility. That much her status screen revealed. But she had fallen far from grace. Level five instead of thirty. She really had slept a long time.
Just as much as she had changed, her boss room had changed with her. Gone was the crypt-like chamber that had witnessed so many deaths of foolish adventurers. This looked like the bedroom of a lady in any kind of highborn manor. Marble floors and wood-paneled walls. Dressers half open with all kinds of dresses and refined garments.
And then, Lady Rudeanu saw it.
A mirror. Reaching from floor to ceiling. Not unusual, she reasoned, for such a surrounding. What it showed was what struck her as wrong. Not only could she see her maids, but herself. Impossible. She was a vampire! A quick look at her stat screen assured her of it. Yes, she still was a creature of the night. And as everyone knew, vampires couldn’t be seen in a mirror.
But there she was. Entranced, Lady Dudeanu stepped closer. “Oh Lord Dungeon, what have you done to me?” she whispered in shock, but also awe. With her feet in highly heeled sandals, she towered nearly four meters tall. She wasn’t one of those dainty women of court. No, she had curves. A bit of substance. Most of all, for her bosom. All accentuated by her elegant cream-colored dress. Why she was wearing a matching wide-brimmed hat, she couldn’t tell.
And then, a new revelation hit her. Once so bizarre, she hardly could form it into words. Until it burst out of her: “WHY THE HELL AM I SPARKLING?!”
Comments
A treat for all readers, but
A treat for all readers, but this must be more for any who play D & D. I KNOW I had to have missed some of the in jokes in the story. I have picked up a little knowledge from reading other D&D based tales. This one is awesome. The depth and growth displayed by the supposedly “simple” NPC’s (non player characters)in this story is well crafted. The idea that the dungeon is sentient is, to me, very original and well presented in the story line. I loved it.
A whole new dungeon
I've enjoyed the shrooms dungeon stories but a whole new dungeon is great. I hope we get more soon.
Time is the longest distance to your destination.
Why do I think that this
Why do I think that this could be in the same universe as the mushroom dungeon? The mechanics could certainly fit.
There are differences...
Hi.
Yes, roughly speaking, they could be in the same universe, but I choose not to do so on purpose.
For one, I wanted to keep Shroom Dungeon in a medieval fantasy setting.
While the focus of Dungeon Remodel is how a sentient dungeon would adapt to a contemporary setting.
I also wanted to have Shroom Dungeon as a purely artificial dungeon made by adventurers and volunteers.
Here, the focus is on a sentient dungeon and sentient dungeon mobs dealing with new circumstances.
Overall, the premise of Dungeon Remodel and Shroom Dungeon are very different and I didn't want to muddle those concepts together or confuse readers.
Hope that explains why I made the decisions that I made.
Hugs and kisses,
Cassy
They could be from the same
They could be from the same universe just centuries apart.
Mostly I figured that this story gave clues to how the mushroom operated and evolved. With humans working with the dungen cooperating with it instead of against it. It makes more since for me to manipulate a natural phenomenon than trying to create and maintain such a complex mechanism from scratch.
Cool fun and also seeing the humor in modern trends!
Berous going through all these changes and handling it so well!
And Lady Dungeon being a learned and wise dungeon, picking good spots for all her creations, and knowing them so well!
...
Ending comment and author's note comment
Awww, ending out with a great kitty being so happy! awww!
...
Response to Author's Note:
Thanks for making a fun story!
Well, probably a male dungeon, if those exist, wouldn't lean towards making a cute mob at least...
[after reading bonus scene: Well, not cute, but still appealing. Yeah, if you want adventurers coming it, you wouldn't go for gross-out or anything like that. Riight!]
Bonus Scene Comments
Another dungeon! Oooh, a very motivated dungeon mob! Not just a knight, but a Count! ... Wait... "Only diminished by the blood of fresh and foolish adventurers." Vampire?
Yep!
Huh. MtF vampire. Interesting? What's his, now her, Dungeon making that change for?
...
"Count Rudeanu used his mind to push open the lid and raise himself from his coffin."
Telekinetic... Psychic Vampire Lady? Or just telekinetic magic?
...
And then, a new revelation hit her. Once so bizarre, she hardly could form it into words. Until it burst out of her: “WHY THE HELL AM I SPARKLING?!”
Wow. A male dungeon with a "step on me mommy" vampire... that also gets into Twilight Saga... Huh. Is he playing to both a male and female audience??
Interesting that mobs having their own Status Screens are only mentioned thrice! Well, when you have knowledge put into your head, you don't really need to consult what's basically a piece of paper.
Not just a "step on me mommy"
Not just any vampire but THE Lady Dimitrescu from Resident Evil Village.
Can you imagine steeping into a Resident Evil themed dungeon.