I gripped the sheets tightly, burying my head in the pillow to stifle my moans and avoid waking Jackson. Being with Tom always felt incredible.
 
With each deep thrust, he forced involuntary cries of pleasure from my lips. I've always wondered whether the pleasure I felt when we lay together was typical or if Tom was just that good.
 
I had no way to know because I hadn't been with anyone else since I had my surgery and I could never achieve similar results when I played with myself either.
 
Of course, it hadn't always felt like this. The first year after the surgery had been awful. Even after waiting the seven months my surgeon had recommended, I had remained mostly numb throughout that year. Whenever we'd tried it, I always ended up leaving uncomfortable, and for a long time, I thought that would be my life.
 
No one was more excited than Tom when things changed for the better. For a while after that, we lived like rabbits, in bed together whenever the opportunity arose.
 
I felt a pang of disappointment as Tom quickened his pace, signaling he was ready to finish. I wasn't ready yet; I wanted more.
 
I tried to pull away to reset, but he held my hips firmly, hitting just the right spot and making me squeal as I backed into him, feeling him finish deep inside me.
 
He let out multiple satisfactory grunts as I fell away and lay with my back on the bed. A moment later, he joined me while still breathing loudly and quickly.
 
He leaned in and kissed me with the same lips that had been licking me earlier before relaxing in bed beside me.
 
"We could go again, you know?" I suggested.
 
"You're crazy," he chuckled, "I'm going to take a shower and go right to bed"
 
"Tsk, old man"
 
When it became clear that he wasn't going to budge, I rolled out of bed and made my way towards the bathroom to clean up. Maybe tomorrow night-- or morning.

=^..^=
 
I had just put on my nightgown, and Tom was heading to the bathroom when I remembered the USB drive Carly had given me earlier.
 
"Can I use the laptop?" I asked him.
 
Tom grunted his approval just before disappearing through the bathroom doors.
 
I retrieved the drive from where I'd shoved it into my handbag earlier and took the laptop back with me to the bed.
 
If I was being honest, I was a bit nervous about watching the video Matty had left for me. The one we'd watched during the celebration had broken my heart into a million pieces and I had the gut feeling that whatever he had to say in this one would have a similar effect.
 
But it was my brother's last words to me, I had to listen no matter what.
 
I waited with bated breath as the laptop's antivirus scanned the drive. When it opened, I saw a single folder containing a video. From the thumbnail, I could already see my brother's pale face.
 
My hands shook as I dragged it across the touchpad and clicked on the video after which, my brother appeared on the screen.
 
He looked even more worn out than before, which was already hard to see. He must have recorded this closer to the end.
 
His lips moved but no sound came through. I quickly paused the video and increased the volume then restarted it.
 
My eyes were watery before I even heard a single word.
 
"Ruth, God I hope you're watching this" he began.
 
"I asked Carly to give you this video only if you came home so if you are, I'm glad"
 
It didn't look like the same hospital room where he'd recorded the first one. The walls were different, less cold, less gray. He now looked as though he had given up trying to live.
 
"Ruth, I-- wanted to say I'm sorry" Matty stared past the camera and at me. It felt like he was right there talking to me. I couldn't take it anymore, paused the video, and buried my face in my hands.
 
I felt terrible for not having been here and he was the one apologizing. For what? What could my perfect brother possibly have to apologize for?
 
I pressed 'play' once again because I just had to know.
 
"I've always struggled with the fact that I watched everything that happened to you and I never said anything at all" he continued. "Shit, I should be calling you right now and saying this directly to you but I'm a coward"
 
"You're not," I said even though he wasn't there to hear it.
 
"I just-- I just went about my business and ignored everything Mum and Dad did. They dragged you to church and all those clueless fucking counselors and I said nothing because 'I had my own problems'"
 
"There was nothing you could have done," I said again. I don't know if it helped or if I just looked crazy but I kept speaking to him as if he was there with me.
 
"And I just keep asking myself if things would have been different if I'd just said or done something"
 
"There was nothing you could--" I started to repeat but Matty continued.
 
"And now all I can do to try to fix things is to help you resolve everything with Mum and Dad, even though I know that doesn't change anything," Matty's voice would quiver and crack ever so often, "but you can't go through life with these unresolved feelings"
 
He paused a moment and during that time he seemed completely lost in thought, "And I know that because I have so many of them and they suck"
 
Matty went quiet for a while. We both sat there quietly across space and time. In two different locations and time periods, we sat unmoving, coming to terms with our unresolved feelings.
 
When he spoke again, he spoke about her.
 
"God, I should have married her when I had the chance. I loved her, and I still do, but it's too late now"

Another pause, each one more excruciating than the last.
 
"Ruth, can you do me a favor?"
 
"Yeah?" I answered.
 
"Could you make sure Carly's okay?" he asked, "I know the next few months will be hard on her. Can you just check in on her every once in a while? I'll really appreciate that"
 
"Okay," I answered.
 
In the long silence that followed, I just watched him and all of his subtle movements. Everything from his strained breathing to the blinking of his eyes, I took everything in.
 
This was the last time I would see my brother alive.
 
"There's something else," Matty spoke again when I had started to think he was done, "There's something you need to know"
 
He paused once again, taking his time before continuing. Each second felt like minutes. It wasn't just the anxiety regarding what he intended to tell me but also the fact that one of these would be the last thing my brother would ever say to me.
 
"Father removed you from the will" Matty seemed to force the words out while he still had the strength to.
 
I was stunned for a moment, unable to think or process what he'd said. Slowly but surely, I started to understand what he'd said.
 
And then I felt angry.
 
Not because I cared about whatever fortune this family had. No, I just felt like an idiot.
 
I had been entertaining the possibility that maybe, just maybe I could reconcile with my parents but the whole time they were laughing at me.
 
"God, I really should be telling you this face to face but I can't bring myself to do it" Matty's voice came again through the laptop's speakers, "I just think--"
 
The door to the bathroom opened and I hurriedly paused the video.
 
Tom emerged, damp hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. He'd taken one look at me and very quickly, the rather pleasant expression on his face was replaced with a worried one.
 
"What's wrong?" he asked while walking over to me, "Why are you even crying?"
 
I hadn't even noticed.
 
I opened my mouth to say something but couldn't find the words. Instead, I just pressed 'play'.
 
"--you have a right to know" Matty finished.
 
"It's Matty" I managed to inform Tom, "he left me a video"
 
"I know it isn't fair of me to ask you to give them a chance even knowing this but--" I let Matty's video play for a bit before pausing it again.
 
"I just found out that my parents removed me from their will," I said before closing the laptop and tossing it on the bed.
 
"Are you okay?"
 
"No, not really" I answered as I lay back down in bed. I was tired.
 
"Let me just get dressed, we'll talk about it" Tom announced then made his way towards the wardrobe.
 
"Let's go to Seychelles," I said.
 
"Hold on, we'll talk about it" Tom removed the towel and tossed it to the side before replacing it with clean underwear.
 
"I don't want to talk about it. I'm tired of talking about it" I curled myself into a fetal position and wished I'd never come back here.
 
Tom hurried through his routine and joined me in bed. He quickly wrapped his arm around me and we cuddled tightly together. It was just what I needed in that moment.
 
"Okay, we can go," he whispered in my ear, "but it sounded like he wanted you to stay even now"
 
"Of course he wants me to stay," I replied, "That's the kind of person he is but I'm sorry, I'm just not that person that just turns the other cheek"
 
"Alright," he said finally and we said no more on the matter.
 
Tom just held me through the night. I don't know what I would have done if I'd found out the truth and he wasn't there with me.

=^..^=
 
The next morning, my mother had the audacity to show up at my door with a smile. I'd been very taken aback when Tom walked to the door and I'd heard her voice.
 
"Sorry to bother you"
 
"Oh not at all," Tom who was clad in nothing other than his underwear was stuck talking to her from behind the door, "Good morning"
 
"Ruth, can I speak to you, dear?"
 
"Now?" I called back.
 
It was all very inappropriate.
 
"It will only be a moment"
 
I sighed, "Coming"
 
I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the door. I stepped out to meet her and closed the door behind me. I was acutely aware that the low-cut nightgown I had on displayed more of my body than I'd shown up till that point but it didn't seem to bother my mother. If it did, she didn't show it.
 
I folded my arms and raised my eyebrow as if to say, 'Get on with it'.
 
"So, I'm taking your sisters shopping" Mum explained, "I was wondering if you'd want to join us"
 
"Oh," I was surprised. That wasn't at all what I'd been expecting. I had been prepared for her to say something that would eventually lead to a fight and after last night's revelation, who knows what I would have said if we fought?
 
"It's something we do whenever Rebecca comes home" My mother continued, "It's silly but the girls enjoy it"
 
"Rebecca and Leah?" I asked. Leah was so stuck up I couldn't imagine her having any type of fun.
 
"And Jess" Mum corrected.
 
"And Jess" I repeated.
 
"What do they call it, a 'girl's day'?" She added after a short nervous laugh.
 
I could see what she was doing. It was obvious. She wanted me to feel like she accepted me as her daughter but I knew now that that was a lie. But still, it felt nice to be included.
 
It was pathetic how easy I was to please.
 
I wanted to leave this place. I should have said 'no' and packed my bags but that's not what I did.
 
"When?" I asked.
 
"30 minutes? An hour? Whenever Rebecca finishes getting ready?" she laughed.
 
I forced a laugh in response.
 
"Isn't it a bit early?" I asked.
 
"It is, but Leah has to be in the office later," My mother answered, "She's President of our Foundation which is--" She'd begun to explain proudly but I'd interrupted her.
 
It may have been petty but the last thing I wanted that morning was to hear my mother ramble on about how amazing my sister was. I'd heard quite enough of that growing up.

"Well, what about tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow is Sunday" She looked at me as though I had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world, "It's the Lord's Day"
 
"Okay, but Jackson hasn't showered or had his breakfast yet, I'll have to--"
 
It was my mother's turn to interrupt me.
 
"Oh, I'm sure Tom can handle that, can't he? He's the boy's father after all" She said with a smile, "The men have to play their part too in raising a child"
 
There it was again, the same forced display of acceptance that I'd quickly found bothered me.
 
"I guess" I acquiesced.
 
"So I will see you downstairs soon," She said and the matter was settled.
 
"Okay" I replied and with a satisfied look, she turned and walked away.
 
A girls' day with my family. What could go wrong?

=^..^=

" And don't let him play that game the whole day" I warned Tom as we made our way downstairs together, "I don't want him obsessed with that thing"

"Yes, yes, don't worry, I got it" He waved me off, "Go have fun"

"Fun? I doubt it" I glanced over at my son who walked a few steps ahead of us and wondered if I should even go, "I give it 30 minutes before we're at each other's throats"

"Just keep an open mind, you never know," Tom told me as we cleared the last few flights of stairs.

Tom remained optimistic about a renewed relationship but at that point, I didn't see a way through. Our family drama was simply too insurmountable and I stood at the center of a lot of it.

"Are you going to bring up the will?" he spoke in a hushed tone in response to the faint voices coming from the living room. We stopped our advance to avoid getting into earshot.

"I don't know" I replied, "She'll probably just have an excuse and make it seem like I'm overreacting. Do you think I should?"

He took a deep breath, "I would--" he started.

"Jackson, baby, hold on okay?" I called to my son who kept marching forward without a care in the world, eyes glued to that screen.

"I prefer to get these things out in the open. Cards on the table kind of thing" Tom finished.

"They didn't think it was a good idea to let me know though" I argued, "I'd still be in the dark if not for Matty"

"You're right" Tom agreed and I couldn't shake the feeling that he was just letting me have it despite having more opinions on the subject. Either way, this wasn't the time to have this conversation with my family waiting. "I should go," I said finally.

With a kiss, Tom sent me off before leading Jackson toward the dining room.

"Bye, Mummy" Jackson called out as they turned the corner and stepped out of sight. I loved those two so very much.

=^..^=

We gathered in front of the house where two cars were waiting to take us wherever my mother had planned. It was my first time leaving the premises since I arrived days ago and I almost felt like I did as a kid whenever our parents would take us on a trip.

Unlike the trousers and shirts I would have worn back then, today I was wearing a pink blouse, jean skirt and sandals. A very welcome improvement.

My mother seemed pleased that I'd agreed to come, and Rebecca was too. Leah appeared sour, which was no surprise, but the surprising part was the looks I was getting from Jess.

I smiled at Jess despite her odd looks, but she just shifted her gaze. I assumed she had something else on her mind and didn't think much of it.

"I want to invite Carly," I said out loud to no one in particular.

"Oh that's a good idea" Rebecca quickly agreed, "I was with her yesterday and honestly, I think she could really use a day out"

"What's brought this on?" My mother asked. As far as she was concerned, I'd never paid any special attention to my brother's former flame before.

"Oh um-- I just thought she seemed special to Matty so she's basically family, right?" I answered.

"Yes, I suppose it couldn't hurt" My mother agreed which resulted in a very happy Rebecca.

"I'll call her" my sister announced.

The looks I received from Jess continued even until we were seated in the back of the car and the lead car with Mum, Leah, and Rebecca set off with us in tow.

"Can you turn the AC up?" I called out to the driver, a young man I'd never met before.

The hot summer sun was particularly burning that morning but even then Jess protested.

"I'm cold"

I thought that was funny because she wasn't dressed like someone that was cold.

Still, I waved the driver back to his task, sat back in silence, and tried to take in the beautiful country outside the car.

Summer was in full swing and with it was such amazing weather. I watched the young, beautiful people that littered the streets looking as happy as can be, and felt a tinge of sadness that I couldn't have been like them growing up.

My life was good now but I lost so many years fighting just to be myself. So much struggle just to be seen as the woman that I was.

I felt a tinge of jealousy but also guilt, knowing how much better off I was than most. Did I have any right to complain about my family when I was heading out into town with my mother and sisters dressed as I was?

Five minutes passed, then ten. The silence in the car was deafening.

"Do you know where we're going?" I turned to ask Jess in an effort to spark conversation.

She didn't respond, as if I were talking to myself.

"Is something wrong?" I was forced to ask.

Jess only turned to glance at me before turning away once again. Clearly, something was wrong.

=^..^=
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Thanks for reading as always. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter