Emily Berrigan is a 23 year old transwoman, who hasn't seen her twin Jordan in six years. Not since she told her parents the truth about herself and they threw her out. Her older sister is getting married and wants Emily there - as a bridesmaid. Will sparks fly?
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Dinner time! Do sparks fly? Oh, yeah, they do. But will a phoenix rise from the ashes?

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Emily watched as Jared walked quickly to keep up with her mother, who was all but running away. She looked at Jordan and Kira, “I should've said no. I'm sorry.” A wind blew and she held down her skirt.

Kira let go of Jordan’s hand and took hers, “You didn't do…”

“It's uncomfortable for everyone. You didn't need that.”

Jordan shrugged, “She makes me feel like shit just fine without you there.”

Kira smiled, “We're working on comforting, it takes time.”

“I'm serious. If you weren't here, she'd have said something about my hair or my clothes or whatever.”

Emily looked away. “Maybe I should just go back to the hotel. Tell Stef I felt sick.”

Jordan stopped on the sidewalk, “Like hell you are, Ems.”

“Jordy…”

“Don't Jordy me. After six years, do you really care what she thinks? Really?”

“I just don't want to ruin dinner for everyone.”

Jordan laughed, “Do you really actually think that Stef won't lose her shit more if you skip out on her dinner? Are you that stupid?”

Kira glared, “Jordan.”

Emily held up her palm, “I know where you're going with this, Jor, but I can deal with her. I don't think I can deal with her.”

Jordan grabbed her upper arms. “Who paid your tuition?”

“Me? But…”

“Who's paid your rent for six years?”

“That's not…”

“Who's bought her car? Her clothes,” then, snickering, “her vagina?”

This made Emily and Kira giggle. “You're stupid.”

“I'm serious. You did it, Emmy. Not with anyone's help. You. And you'll keep doing it on your own. So why do you care what she has to say?”

“It fucking hurts.”

Jordan said tenderly, “I know how she can hurt you, believe me. But I know who you are too. I'm proud of you.”

Emily smiled, “That's so nice.”

Jordan laughed, “Don't get too used to it but I told you at the airport, we're all here for you.”

“I still think…”

“Remember Coach Wallace? Don't think. Just play.”

“I dunno.”

Kira looked at her. “Whatever happens, we're here, Ems.”

“I love you guys,” then watching the quickly retreating forms of her mother and brother-in-law to be, “we should catch up.”

They caught up with them at the restaurant, and the waitress took them to the table, each of Laura and Emily pointedly avoiding eye contact with the other, Emily taking pleasure at her mother’s grimace when Jared held out her chair for her. The air was thick with silence until Stephanie and her father arrived three minutes later, their own silence somehow more freighted.

Stephanie sat down next to Emily, who looked at her, only to be returned a look that stopped her from opening her mouth. She smiled at the waitress and then at the table, “So, what are we drinking to celebrate me?”

“Vodka gimlet,” her mother said, pasting on another grimace masquerading as politesse, “please.”

Everyone else ordered in varying degrees of strength, from wine for Emily and Kira to a bourbon (‘straight, no rocks, no fruit’) for Doug. Jared started to speak, and Jordan held up their hand. “I’m glad everyone is finally together.” To their father’s muttered ‘champ,’ they smiled, “No seriously, I am. I haven’t seen my sister for six years, and she’s never met Jared or Kira in person before.”

Doug looked at Stef, “You all met each other on Thursday was my understanding.”

Stef ignored him and smiled, “Jordan, that was beautiful. Kira, I think you’re a civilizing influence on them,” putting a slight spin on the word ‘them.’

Kira laughed, “They’re a work in progress.”

Laura smiled, “Good luck. I’ve been progressing with Doug for over 30 years.”

Jared laughed, “You’re so lucky, Stef,” and he put his arm around her, “I’m complete.”

Doug laughed, “Then you get married and you’re finished.” He looked at Jordan, “I’m glad you got what you wanted, Champ.”

Emily looked at the table. “I’m so glad I got to finally meet Jared and Kira,” and she sang Kira’s name while smiling at Jordan..

Staring intently at her menu, Laura said, “That’s so nice. Everyone is glad.”

“Mom,” Stef put her hand on the menu and looked at her.

“What? You’re all glad. That’s wonderful. Someone should be glad.”

Emily stared at the menu, deciding on what to eat and whether to run, when the waitress came over and introduced herself (‘hi, I’m…. Welcome to…’) and began reciting specials, landing on a tuna that sounded interesting.

When she finished, Emily looked at her and smiled. “Thursday?” The waitress smiled knowingly and shrugged. Emily thanked her and said, “Give us a minute.”

“Why did you send her away?” Doug said. “I know what I want. And what does Thursday mean?”

Emily smiled, “I asked her when the fish was delivered. Which means it’s four days old, which is not in and of itself terrible, but figured you’d all want to know.”

Stef smiled, “Em waited tables for six years. To pay her way through school.”

Laura, looking at the wall above Emily’s head, acidly said, “How interesting.”

Doug, not making eye contact with anyone, “I wasn’t planning on fish, but good to know.”

Stef smiled, “Do your opening, Emmy.”

Emily turned red, “No. We’re in public.”

Jared looked at her. “Aren’t you an actress? Don’t you perform in public as a job?”

Emily smiled. “This is different.”

“Come on,” and she did her pitch, complete with hand gestures, finishing just as the waitress returned. The waitress laughed and applauded. “Nice.”

Emily wanted to crawl under the table. “Oh god…”

The waitress laughed and started taking orders. When Jordan ordered a pork loin dish, the waitress looked at them, “You might want to consider…”

“Why?”

Emily smiled, “Trust her. Order something else.”

Doug smiled at the waitress and ordered. “Is there some secret code for this?”

The waitress smiled at him, and Laura glared. “You’re fine,” she said. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Taking Emily’s order last, she smiled, “Any allergies? Dealer’s choice?”

“Nope. Dealer’s choice works for me. Thanks.” Laura glared at the two women and the waitress rolled her eyes at Emily.

After the waitress left, Kira looked at her. “Dealer’s choice?”

Emily smiled, “I’m letting her pick for me.”

“She’s just going to pick the most expensive thing,” her mother said.

Emily looked at her. “No, she isn’t.”

Laura laughed, “That’s your problem, not mine. I know how much legal assistants make.”

Emily glared at her, then smiled and shook her head, taking a deep breath. “OK. I’ll be fine.”

Stef looked at them. “Don’t worry about it. I’m paying.”

Doug looked at her. “It’s your birthday. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Jared smiled, “I have this, don’t worry,” then, “You’re not gonna get like caviar wrapped in gold, right, Moji?”

The waitress came over with a ’bruschetta and crostini with a bacon and fig jam.’ “We didn’t order these,” her father said.

The waitress winked at Emily, “Compliments of the house, sir.” Emily smiled in return.

Laura smiled sweetly, “Thank you.”

Doug turned to Emily. “Do you get this everywhere?”

Emily laughed. “If I know the people there, sometimes, usually.”

“Huh,” and he took a bite of the crostini. “Glad you’re here then,” which saw Laura stand up and excuse herself.

—
Stef followed her to the bathroom. “What is the matter with you?”

“Really, Stephanie? What is the matter with me? Oh, I don’t know,” and she looked under the stalls to make sure no one was there. “Your brother is here and you don’t tell me. Then, you don’t tell me he’s coming to dinner or that he’s showing up in a dress.”

“First of all, Emily is my sister. Second, I didn’t realize that, on my birthday, I had to clear who came with you. Third, she’s wearing a skirt, not a dress.”

“Oh, a skirt. Never mind. I apologize.”

“Ha ha. Regardless, you’re not even giving her a chance.”

“You don’t have to clear anything with me? I don’t have to give anyone a chance.”

“I don’t understand why…”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Jordan or anyone else, Stephanie.”

“I wish you would. She’s incredibly sweet and talented and…”

“I don’t care, Stephanie. I will suffer through this dinner - for you - but that’s it. And we’re not done.”

“So dad told me,” she said drily.

She watched as her mother checked her face, staring at the beginnings of crows’ feet around her eyes, at the roots that were about two weeks from a touch-up. She washed her hands and went back to the table.

Jordan looked at Stef, who looked like she’d gone three rounds in five minutes. Stef gave a minute shake of her head and sat down, “Did you save us any?”

“One more minute and your dad and Jordan were going to eat them all,” Kira laughed. “But I saved you some.”

“I’ll pass,” her mother said, then sweetly, “You may as well apply the bacon to my waist. Stef, are you going to eat them? I mean, you were talking about dress fittings…”

Emily winced and then smiled. “I think she was talking about the dresses we were looking at yesterday, not fittings. And it was bridesmaids’ dresses, not a wedding dress.”

Laura kept looking at Stephanie, who said, through gritted teeth, “Your concern is appreciated, mom,” and then took a bite, “seriously, you don’t know what you’re missing.”

Emily took a bite and Laura smiled, “Oh, I can’t believe you’re eating that. Doesn’t the camera add ten pounds?”

“One crostini won’t kill me. Stephanie’s taking me to her gym tomorrow for a hip hop dance class.”

“Even still, I would watch out.”

“Mom,” Stephanie snapped.

“You wanted me to hear about…her and I was just asking,” and she smiled. Jordan reached under the table and squeezed Kira’s hand.

Emily kept smiling. “I appreciate your concern. Thank you.”

“You can’t afford to eat too much. I imagine there aren’t as many roles for people like you, no?”

Emily felt her stomach burble and her pulse race. Do not let her do this, she told herself. You are a strong woman and Stef loves you and Jordan loves you and Uncle Rob and Aunt Jeannie and Liam love you. You are not seventeen. She has no control over you. “There aren’t many roles for many people. It’s a tough business.”

“Still, don’t you think that you especially can’t afford…”

“Mom, enough,” Jordan snapped.

“Excuse me, Jordan?”

“You made your point, now stop it.”

Laura kept smiling, her mouth a rictus of anger. “Jordan, this is neither the time nor the place for your outbursts. No one wants a repeat of Stacy’s wedding.”

Jordan started to speak and Emily held her hand up. She turned to Kira, “What she’s referring to is Jordan was a junior bridesmaid and had to wear this pink dress and…” She and Stef started to giggle.

Kira looked at Jordan, “I am trying to imagine you in pink anything.”

Grumbling, but smiling, “Don’t try,” followed by, “I was thirteen.”

Stef laughed, “It was hilarious. I had to take them for the fitting. It was like wrestling a bear into a dress.”

Their father smiled, “That was not one of your aunt’s better ideas,” which got a hissed ‘thank you, Doug.”

“Anyway,” Emily continued, “the day of the rehearsal dinner, she puts Jordan in this dress that’s like for a 10 year old…”

“Which,” Stef laughed, “they could’ve avoided if they would have just gone shopping with us…”

Emily continued, “And they’re all pouty because they had to miss one soccer practice and they threw this total fit which made Aunt Jackie apoplectic…”

Jordan smiled, “It was a Friday practice, those were the most fun…”

Kira laughed, “I’ve changed my mind. Jordan should be in the wedding. Pink taffeta, total 80s retro theme…”

Stone-faced, Laura looked at the table, “The point of my story is that I don’t want any outbursts. I’m glad you all found it funny but I was mortified in front of my in-laws.” She turned to Stephanie, “Imagine your child,” the last word dripping with contempt, “made a scene in front of his aunt.”

Jared looked at Stephanie, then Laura, then Stephanie, “Do I want to know what this is about?”

Stephanie mentally kicked her mother under the table. “Michelle. My mother is referring to Michelle.”

Jared laughed, “Michelle can think whatever she wants. No one listens to her anyway.”

“See, ma? If my imaginary child throws a tantrum, we won’t be talking about it in ten years.” Then, smiling, “Jordan, promise me you won’t throw a tantrum at my wedding or my rehearsal dinner.”

“Can I get sloppy drunk and sentimental like Aunt Mo?”

“With or without racism?” Emmy chimed in.

Laura turned to Kira and Jared, “You’d never know that they fought like animals as children. I remember Stephanie calling Jordan ‘a wild animal’ and Jordan asking why Elly,” delivered with a smirk, “was such a sissy. Sissy Chrissy, that’s what they used to call him…”

Emily tried not to break. She counted to three, then ten. She pictured herself on a beach, the ocean lapping at her toes and warm tropical breezes blowing through her hair. She counted to ten again. She cannot break you, she will not break you. She smiled, “Yes, Jordan did. But some of us grow up and learn from our mistakes.”

Laura sneered, then smiled, “I was just pointing out how nice it is that everyone gets along sooo well now.”

Jared looked at the table. “Yeah, everyone fights. My friends used to say that with Jamie and me it wasn’t if we were going to kill each other, but when and how. My friend Alex used to say it was like Clue. Jared killed Jamie in the basement with a lead pipe. Anyway, so Kira,” and the two smiled at each other, “tell me where you ate in London. I’m going to be around Canary Wharf.”

“Oh yeah, we met my dad there after a meeting. There’s a tapas place, Iberica, that’s pretty good. And there’s always steak at Gaucho, but that’s mad expensive.”

Jared laughed, “On the company. Money is no object.”

Doug smiled, “Are you in the market for a facilities supervisor? Money is the object, the subject…”

“No one wants to hear about the company,” Laura laughed, as he looked at her.

“I can't wait to hear about the trip,” Emily bubbled. “That's on my list.”

“I'm gonna be there on business, Em. I could be anywhere.”

“Don't tell me that. Tell me how you're going to see everything.”

Kira took out her phone and began flicking through pictures, Emily leaning over and looking at all the tourist attractions. Unless she had guests, she wouldn't be caught dead in Hollywood or on a studio tour, but now she was oohing and aahing over Windsor Castle and Big Ben. “I'm jealous. One day though…”

The waitress came over and put everyone's dish in front of them, finishing with Emily. “Here we go. Moroccan spiced lamb over braised carrots, parsnips and couscous.”

Jordan groaned, “I missed that?”

Emily pushed her plate towards them. “Take a piece. There's no way I'm going to eat it all.”

Everyone took a small piece - except her mother. “I'm fine with what I have, thank you.”

“Seriously, honey, you should try…”

“I'm fine with what I have, Doug.”

Emily began chewing, “Oh, this is really good. Duncan took me spice shopping in the Persian supermarket, but…”

“You OK, Emmy?” Stef asked.

“I'm fine, yeah. Anyway, I tried cooking like this. Someone has to wait tables,” followed by a small laugh.

Jordan said, “Emmy and Duncan used to date,” and immediately regretted it when they saw their parents’ faces. “Anyway, I'm gonna eat my chicken.”

Their mother smiled, “You had a boyfriend? What happened?”

As the pit grew in her stomach and began burning, “He got a job as a sous chef in Santa Barbara.”

“Is that far?”

“About 90 miles.”

“I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Are you sure he moved to Santa Barbara?”

“Mom, enough,” Stef said.

“Yes, I'm sure.”

“Because one of the assistants at work had a boyfriend claim to move and then she apparently saw him in a bar.”

“He moved.”

“Mom, what's the point of this story?”

She smiled sweetly, “I'm just curious.” Emily stared at her plate, and mumbled something. “Did you say something?”

“I shouldn't…” Then, she stood up and took her jacket.

“Where are you going? We haven't finished,” her mother said.

“This was a mistake, a big mistake,” and then looking at Jared, “Sorry, I mean thank you for doing all this and it was great to meet you and you too Kira, but I think I'm gonna see if I can catch a flight tonight if I can change my ticket…”

Stef got up, “Emmy, stop.”

“No, really, I'm just…I need…” And she began crying and then ran out.

Stef threw down her napkin and went to get up. “Oh, just stop,” her mother said, “it's a performance, it's always a performance.”

Stef went to put on her jacket and her father stood up quickly. “Sit down.”

“Excuse me, dad?”

He looked at her. “Sit down. I will take care of this.”

Stef stood up. “You wanna finish the job, is that it?”

He looked at her. “Have I ever raised a finger to any of you? Exactly. So sit down.”

“Doug, where…” His back quickly disappeared from view.

He caught up to Emily. “Wait!”

She turned to him, eyes red, “Fuck you! Leave me alone!”

He went for her arm, when he heard the unmistakable ‘whoop whoop’ of a police siren, then, “sir, back away” through a speaker.

A female police officer got out of the car. “I'm going to have to ask you to step back.”

“This is my kid,” he protested.

“Sir,” and she put her hand on what Emily assumed was a Taser, “back up.”

Shoulders slumping, “Yes, ma’am.”

The officer looked at Emily, “Is this your father, miss?”

She started to say ‘biological’ but something in his posture made her just say, “yes.”

“Do you want him to leave you alone?”

“Please,” he said, “please, we need to talk.”

“I…”

The officer walked over to him, “ID, please.”

“Huh?”

“ID, sir, I'm going to run a check, then I'm taking down your information - and hers. If anything happens, I want to make sure you can be found.”

He stared at her. “Do you think?”

“Sir, ID. And then I'm going to follow you to a public place that you will not leave.” She turned to Emily and, in a softer tone, “you don't have to do this, if you don't want.”

“I know. Can I give you my cell just in case?” The officer took out hers and texted her, pointedly saying, “you text me if there are any issues and when you're done so I know you're safe.”

After he was handed back his ID, he looked at Emmy, “Can we sit in that hotel over there?” She shrugged and they began walking, the patrol car rolling slowly behind them. “I feel like a criminal,” and she shrugged again.

They walked into the lobby and found a couch. He looked at the coffee bar. “You want anything?”

“No.”

“OK.” In that ‘ok’ was every ‘dammit, Chris,’ and ‘stop running away from the ball, Chris.’

They sat in silence, until Emily looked at him. “I really want to be alone..”

“Rob and Jeannie showed me your commercial. You were very convincing.”

“Six years of waiting tables will do that.”

“That’s a tough job. A lot of time on your feet.”

In heels, she thought. “Yup.”

“It’s like construction like that, I guess.”

“I suppose. I’ve been to Uncle Rob’s site back home. Not a lot of similarities.”

“Oh,” and she couldn’t tell if he was hurt or curious, landing on hurt. “Oh. How is it?”

“It’s good. I mean, it’s an office building. A nice one.”

“Rob does good work, I hear.”

“He’s building one in Northbrook, he told me. You should go over.”

“Maybe,” then, after discussions of traffic and weather, “Emily, this is awkward for both of us. Can we try having a conversation?”

Never before seen vulnerability. “Um, OK.”

“I don’t know what to say here.”

“Me either.”

“Stephanie told me that you worked the whole time in college.”

Yeah, I didn’t have anyone supporting me. Know why? “I kinda had to.”

“I did too. I hated it.”

“I didn’t mind. I met a lot of nice people.”

“I had your grandfather and uncles…”

“Uh huh.”

“Yeah, well, I’m impressed. It takes a lot to do that. Paralegal?”

“For now. Until my acting takes off.”

“I would’ve figured you'd do anything else,” he joked.

Stone faced, “I get good insurance and my boss is great about auditions.”

He looked at her feet. “That's good. The movie sounds interesting.” She stared at the wall, watching the shadows fall over it. “Anyway, so Stef sent you her cheer stuff.”

“Uh huh.”

“Maybe get a role where you play three bridesmaids and a homecoming queen. I could use the space.” She laughed a little. “Look, I’m at a loss here.”

That makes two of us. “Why?”

“Because this is new to me.”

“It’s who I am. It’s who I always was.” She had practiced this in her head. “Whether you and she care to acknowledge that, it’s fact.”

“We’re not talking about her…”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I talk about her enough. She talks about her enough. I’m talking about me.”

“Oh…”

“Are you going to be like them or are you going to let me talk?”

She laughed a little. “Talk. I’m listening.” Silence. “This is where you talk.”

“I’m thinking.” She groaned and he said, “it’s a stupid joke, I hate it too.” Then, “Why did you come tonight?”

“Go to hell,” and she stood up.

“That's not what I meant. I just meant, I don't know…”

“Because I love Stephanie and Jared. Because she’s my sister and she would do anything for me and I would do anything for her..and him. Just because you threw me out on the street doesn't mean I'm not going to see them. If the cost of that is you and her, I'll pay. That good enough for you?” He laughed. “What?”

“Everyone told me you were sweet. I feel cheated. Seriously though, I don’t get it.”

“I told you. I am who I am. I haven’t seen Jordan in six years because of you. I barely get to see Stef, except when she comes to me…” Silence. Dead air. “Well?”

“I dunno.”

“What don't you know?”

“I...all of you... This is a lot, you're... And Jordan…”

“We are who we are. It’s not hard to understand.”

“It is. Whether you and Stef and Jordan think it isn’t, it is. We barely had gay when…”

“I don’t want to hear about that. Sorry but tell me why I should care.” She heard a sigh. “I’m not trying to be mean…”

A laugh, “You and Steffie say that. I’d hate to see both of you try…”

“We always existed. We just weren’t allowed to be ourselves. Not without getting beaten or killed. Sorry, if that’s too hard for you to accept.”

“I’m sorry…”

Taken aback, she sat down. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry. I failed you as a father.”

She was dumbfounded that he even offered that. “It’s not about you.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not about you. It was never about you. Everyone always thinks it’s about them. It isn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Even if you had been a good father,” and she heard him take a deep breath. Good, she thought, as she continued, “it had nothing to do with you. I knew what I felt long before I ever felt anything about you. Nothing you were going to do was going to change that.”

“Oh.”

Oh? Oh? She looked at herself in the mirror, playing with her hair. “Honestly, whether you and she had treated me like you cared about me wouldn’t have changed how I felt.”

“Jeez, Chris.”

She almost left but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction or Stef the ensuing grief. “Emily.”

“Sorry,” and he almost sounded like he meant it. “Emily. It slipped out. I’m sorry.”

“Uh huh.”

“Apparently, I’m the only one in this family who doesn’t know just the right thing to say to hurt people. But, anyway, whether it’s about me, whether you would be this no matter what, I feel like I failed you...”

“Again…”

“Be quiet. I’m speaking now. I failed you. I let people treat you like sh...garbage,” and she was touched by the way he didn’t want to curse, “and I shouldn’t have. I tried to teach you to stand up for yourself, and I still don’t think it’s a bad idea for you to do that…”

“I do…”

“Good. But I let too many people, people I could’ve stopped, treat you like that because I was...it doesn’t matter. I did it and I shouldn’t have. So, whether I could have been a good father and you would still be what, sorry who, you are, I could’ve done a lot better. Sorry.”

She started to cry. “Emily?”

“You surprised me.”

A small laugh. “That’s two of us.”

“Now what?”

“If you come to the wedding, I’ll do my best to stop a shit storm. I can’t make any promises.”

“I don’t expect any. I appreciate that though.” Then, taking a breath, “what about her?”

He took a deep breath. “I…I…”

“Why does she hate me?”

He looked at her and unconvincingly, “She doesn't…”

She felt tears well up. “She does. You do. I don't care if you do but…”

She began sobbing and he hugged her. She couldn't remember him ever doing that. “I don't.”

“You do.”

“I don't. I'm sorry that you think I do, but I don't. You know what Rob says? About the default setting?” She nodded into his shoulder. “I grew up in asshole ground zero and all I knew was what I knew and then you…”

She pulled back, “That's not an excuse…”

He smiled, “One day, one woman in this family will let me finish a sentence. Anyway, I was embarrassed in front of them and instead of fighting them, I blamed myself and you. And I was wrong, and I'm sorry for that.” She stared blankly, trying to read him. “Anything?”

“I… I…”

“Yeah…”

“You know how many times I wished I could wake up and be Jordan, make you proud?”

She saw him tear up. “You were you. You were good at what you were good at and I should've been good with that.” He looked at her. “Ever since you were little, Grandma Dori would make digs about how you looked like her. You look like her, you sound like her…”

“Is that why she hates me so much?”

He looked down. “I never asked.”

She looked at him. “Why are you here?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you follow me?”

He took a breath. “You know that Rob and Jeannie love you, you know that, right?” She couldn’t get a read on his voice. Was he upset?

She fingered the butterfly necklace. “I love them too. They’ve been really good to me.”

“And Stef and Jordan…”

“You haven't answered me.”

“Emily, I don't know. All I know is that you were hurt and your sister was hurt and…Ok, what do I call Jordan?”

“I usually just say twin.”

“That sounds stupid,” he laughed. She shrugged. “I fucking hate Kev and Pete.”

“Sorry to hear that, but I'm confused.”

He took a breath. “I never expected the three of you to be in a room together as adults, but somehow you really seem to care about each other. And, when you ran out, I saw that falling apart and I didn't want to be responsible for more fucked-up Nehlens.”

“It's not you, it's her.”

“Emily, as far as I'm concerned, I'll stay away if it means you can see them more than once every six years.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow. What do you want to do here?”

“Dinner is probably cold. And I'm not really hungry.”

“Will you sit with me at Weiner’s Circle while I get a dog?”

“You really want that?”

“Yeah.”

And they sat, Emily watching him eat a Chicago dog while she sipped her iced tea, watching the people walk past.

—
A month later and Stef still hadn't spoken with her mother.

She was at Jared’s parents for a bris, his cousin Melissa having just had a boy. She was standing in the kitchen with her soon to be mother-in-law, and Jared's sister Jamie. Jamie looked at her mother, “All I'm saying is Stef's right not to ever speak to her again.”

Her mother looked at them. “I am, let's be clear, not defending what she did to your sister, she was unequivocally wrong but it's clearly bothering you.”

Stef was still not 100% used to the way his family addressed problems, talking, talking, talking instead of seething quietly. “It is but I can't. She made Em cry and then laughed about it. I can't forgive her.”

“You really want to get married without your parents there?”

“He can come.” Even as she said it, she knew it was ridiculous. “I mean, obviously he won't but she's all worried about them making a scene but I'm worried about her.”

Jared’s mother swallowed her lips and then exhaled her through her teeth. “Stephanie, you know I love you…:”

Stef gritted her teeth, then smiled, “No sentence that begins that way is ever good.”

“I know you’re upset. I’m upset too. I can’t imagine ever cutting any of my kids out of my life for who they are…”

Jamie looked at her mother, then Stef, then at the ceiling. “Ma…”

Her mother smiled, “As I was saying before I was interrupted, I can't imagine it but you can’t never speak to her again. It’s not a way to start your life with Jared.”

“I know and I’ve actually thought about this - a lot - and the problem is either I start the fight again or I pretend that dinner never happened, and I don’t want the first, and I won’t do the second.”

Jared’s mother looked at her, “You don’t have to but you know that you’re going to have to do it at some point.”

“What am I supposed to say to her? Seriously, what?”

“Tell her how upset you are.”

“I think she’s aware,” she laughed, as did Jamie.

“Did you tell her or just scream at her?”

Stef laughed, “Not just.”

“Do you want me to call her?”

Stef laughed a little. Her mom would lose it if his mother called her about this, asked her how she was feeling. She wouldn't have to worry about not calling her, because she'd either never speak to Stef first or be in jail for killing her. “I appreciate the offer but if this is going to get done, it's going to be because of me, y’know.”

–
The next morning, she called her father, knowing that her mother was out playing pickleball with Aunt Jackie. “Hey, daddy.”

“Hey Steffie. Please tell me that you're going to end this.”

“I actually want to have a conversation with her about Emily,” which was greeted with a groan. “Thanks, that makes me feel good,” she laughed. “No, I mean an actual conversation about Emily, a dialogue, with back and forth.”

Her father was quiet for a few seconds, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don't think we ever actually talked about it. I think she threw her out and I yelled and she yelled but we never actually had a heart to heart. I wanna hear her out.”

Another few seconds of quiet. “I want you two to talk but what do you hope to accomplish here?”

“I dunno. I'm trying not to tell her anything, just hear her out and I dunno.”

“Steffie, I don't know if that's going to work but please don't scream at her again.”

“I'm serious. Do you think she can not scream?”

“Stef, if you're actually going to listen, I'll support you, even if it makes my life miserable.”

“Thanks.”

“I spoke to Emily for a few minutes the other day.”

Stef smiled. “She told me,” remembering how disoriented yet happy her little sister was.

“I'm trying..”

“So is she.”

—
The next weekend, Stef found herself face to face with her mother. They sat at Stef’s kitchen table, Jared and her father having gone to a DePaul basketball game at Stef’s request. “Your father says that you wanted to talk to me. To me or at me?”. Stef could see the tension in her mother's neck, the vein throbbing.

Stef smiled. “To, ma.” Emily, when told that she was meeting her mother, just said, ‘You do you.’ “I wanted to talk about Emily, about everything.”

“I'm not revisiting this,” and she angrily clinked her spoon around her coffee cup.

Stef thought about the mediation class for law school, about active listening. “Not about the wedding.”

“Then what?”

“Why.”

“Why what?”

“Why you hate her so much.”

“I don’t hate him.”

“Her.”

“You could have saved me the trip if we were going to go through this again.”

Stef took a breath, “I'm trying here.”

“So am I. I truly don’t understand why you would subject yourself and…her…to this. You know it will be awful. What is that you’re trying to prove?”

“I’m not trying to prove anything. She’s my sister. You wouldn’t ask Stacy why she had Mia in her wedding.”

Her mother had a look of shock and disgust. “You’re really going to compare the two? Have you shared with Mia that you consider her the same as a transgendered person?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean then?”

“You know what I mean. Emily is my sister, she always was.”

Her mother took a breath, held it and then exhaled. “You really don’t think they’re going to hurt him?”

“Her. Once again, she’s a her, not a him.”

“Fine, her. They will hurt her. They always have and they always will. But you’re going to prove a point, no matter who gets hurt.”

Stef looked at her. “She is a girl. You saw her.”

“Believe it or not, there is nothing I would want more. If I could wave a magic wand and change him to her, I would in a second. I know you think I’m cruel, but I mean it, I would. But I can’t.”

“So, once again, you’d let them,” her father’s family, “rule our lives. You hate them, I hate them, but we have to give in to them so they don’t cause a scene.”

“Hurting him is not making a scene.”

“You say that like you want it to happen.”

Her mother snapped, “Absolutely not. Whatever he thinks he is, he is my child and I don’t want him hurt in the slightest. I’m glad he’s made a life for himself, I truly am, but that doesn’t change reality, no matter how much you think you can.”

Stef looked at her, “I don’t, quote, want to change reality, close quote. I want my mother and my sister to be at my wedding and I don’t want to have to choose between you.”

Her mother looked at her, “But you will.”

“I just don’t understand why you won’t even try to get to know her,” and she hated the sound of her voice. “You would really like her, you always did.”

Her mother stood up. “I am going to go for a walk. Text me when Jared tells you they’ve left the game. I’ll meet your father downstairs.”

“So, this is how it ends?”

“How what ends?” Her mother’s eyes betrayed the calm of her words.

“Us. You, me. This is going to end because you would rather give in to them, to your own bigotry, than to even try and make an effort.”

“Don’t threaten me,” her mother snarled.

Stef looked her in the eye. “I’m not threatening you but when one of the most important people in my life won’t be in the room with another of the most important people in my life because of her own bigotry or her own fear, I don’t know what else I can do. Tell Grandma and Aunt Jackie that they’re still invited but I imagine they’ll cut me off like they cut Emily off. The difference is that I’m a grown woman and I can handle it.” She handed her mother her coat. “I’ll tell Jared to tell Dad to let you know.”

“Don’t you dare give me ultimatums! I am your mother!”

Stef shrugged, “You are and I will always love you but you’re making this decision, not me.”

Her mother grabbed her coat and stormed out. When she heard the elevator open, she finally exhaled and then bawled her eyes out.
—
‘Ur still not talking to her’ Jordan texted Stephanie two weeks later.

‘he called huh’

‘Uh huh u rly told her not to come’

‘No I said wasnt choosing between her and’ Norwegian flag emoji, the two having adopted the habit, post-trip, of sending random emojis in place of Em’s name. ‘her decision not mine’

‘i know and ur right and K sez ur right but’

‘the solution is in her hands not mine’

‘well we'll be there if were still invited’ Male shrug emoji

‘Ki is not u’

Laughing emojis. ‘good idea,’ then three dots then, ‘y is dad calling me about this does he think I can make u do anything’

‘ill call him make nice’

‘thx’

‘love u Ki 2’

‘love u 2’
–

Jordan hung up the phone and made a call.

“Jordan? Is everything ok?” His cousin Mia said.

It wasn't an unreasonable question, they spoke at holidays and at birthdays, each having made the decision that mom's family belonged to Stef. “Hi, Mia. Everything’s fine except it isn't.”

“Your father got you involved? This is serious,” she laughed.

“Yeah, tell me about it. So, what's up there with this?”

“They're both pig-headed.”

Jordan laughed, “Thanks for that, Captain Obvious.”

“Your mom is all freaked out, and mine and grandma keep telling her she's being ridiculous and she gets all pissed and then she cries and whatever but still we're here. Stef?”

“She wants Emily there as a bridesmaid and so do I.”

“So do I but do you really see Kev and P.J. not making this a shit show?”

“Fuck them.”

“Don't curse, Jordan, it's obnoxious,” she said in her mother's voice, which made them both laugh, “No shit, fuck them but now what?”

“You think if we got them in a room together, we could fix it?”

“You actually care, didn't have that in bingo.”

“I'm serious. Neither one of them wants this, I know dad doesn't, Em certainly doesn't.”

“How is she?”

“Call and ask for yourself. She's good.”

“Anyway, if I had another idea, I'd offer it. You want me to see?”

“Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Thanks.”

“I'll try my best,” and they discussed their lives for the first time ever.

—
A week later, Stef found everyone in her apartment, her mother at the counter, while her aunt and grandmother sat on her couch. Everyone sat silently until her grandmother said, “Thank you for doing this, Stephanie.” Stephanie shrugged and her grandmother said, “We,” and she looked at Laura, “all appreciate it.”

“You're welcome, I guess, but I don't know why you're here unless she's going to rescind her ridiculous ultimatum.”

“MY ridiculous ultimatum?”

Her aunt held up her hand. “Stop! Laura, we've talked about this…”

Her mother rolled her eyes, then looked at Stef, “Why would you do this to yourself?”

“Ok, we're done.” She turned to her aunt and grandmother, “I’d say I'm sorry you drove here but I told you…”

Her grandmother looked at her, burning a hole through her. “Enough! Both of you! Laura, if Stephanie wants her sister there, she's going to be there. You are not going to miss her wedding. You know that, I know that, so let's stop playing games.” Stef grinned and her grandmother looked at her. “Don't think you're getting away scot-free. They are animals, Stephanie. I know it, you know it…and Emily knows it. What does she have to say?”

“She's ready to deal with them, I've told you, she's become incredibly strong since you all cut her off because she,” and she looked at her mother, who looked away, “made you.”

“That was wrong but…”

Stef put up her hand, and looked at her mother. “Are you really going to do this without causing a scene?”

Her mother looked at her. “I understand you and your aunt think that, if you fight enough, the world will bend to you…”

“I'm not asking you to bend…”

“That's not what I meant. I meant them. I know Chr…Emily is going to be there, and as a bridesmaid. Everyone, them, Jeannie, your father, has told me that. I won't cause a scene. But I really don't understand why you would put him in harm's way like that. I don't want him to get hurt, do you? Because that's going to happen. We all know that.”

“I won't let her get hurt.”

“You'll try.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“Why do you hate her so much?”

Her grandmother started, “No one…”

“I asked her…”

Her mother looked at her, “Assuming you want me, I will be there, even if…Emily is. I will not misgender him, even though I believe that he misgenders himself, but I'll respect his choice for the day. I can do that much.”

“You haven't answered me. Why do you hate her so much?”

“I will give you what you want, it's your wedding and I'll accept it but that doesn't mean that I have to like it or even approve of it. In exchange, I will ask that you respect my position.”

Stef pursed her lips and blew out. “This was a waste.”

Her aunt looked at her, “Stef, stop. She is giving you what you want. That's all you're entitled to. She doesn't have to be…agree with you. Do you want everyone there or does she have to say you're right too?”

Stef walked to her mother, “Thank you for agreeing to be there with her. I didn't want my wedding without you and dad…”

Her mother had tears in her eyes, “Me either, Steffie…”

“I just wish you'd give her a chance. You saw her, how sweet she is…”

“I will be there. I will be in pictures with him. I will not insult or mock him and, once again, I will not let anyone hurt him but that's it. That's my last, best offer.”

Stephanie looked at her aunt and grandmother, “Will you please…”

Her mother looked at her, “I love you, which is why I'm doing this, but I don't have to like it…or him.”

Stef sighed. “I think you're wrong about her, but fine.” Then, turning to the other two, “Do you agree with her?”

Her grandmother put her arms on Stef’s upper arms. “Stephanie, I don't and neither does your aunt, but enough,” then turning to Laura, “I really don't understand you but I'm glad we at least got here. So, Stef, have you looked at dresses yet?”

Stef glanced at her aunt, who mouthed, ‘give her this - for me,’ and then said, “Uh huh, I was looking at this one, it's a mermaid dress, a slip one, not a whole lot of beads or lace or any of that.” She took out her phone and showed everyone. When her mother made a face, “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You made a face! Just say what you're thinking.”

Aunt Jackie laughed, “This sounds familiar. Right, mom?”

Stef laughed, then said, “Seriously, just say something.”

“It's very pretty…”

Stef looked at her, “But…”

“It wouldn't be my choice.”

Before Stef could speak, her grandmother said, “Then, it's good you're not getting married. She is and if you asked me to choose a dress for her, I would choose one like this, when has Stef ever been lace and fluff?”

“Thanks, Grandma…hey, I think that's an insult!”

Jackie laughed, “Be grateful she didn't tell you,” and she gave a deep sigh, “‘I guess it's ultimately your choice,’ like she told me.”

Her grandmother winked, “Was I wrong?”

“Not the point, mom,” she laughed. “Let's just say it was the 80s and leave it there. Anyway, Laura, she's going to look beautiful no matter what, and you're going to cry, no matter what, so let it go.” Stef grinned widely and her aunt said, “Win with class, Stef.”
–